Hey, all.

I decided to write this blog to sort of inform you of a few things, and to share my feelings.

Don’t judge me!

Firstly, about Saccharine Arcadia: So, I’m sure you’re all very well acquainted with my chapter release schedule by now!

… … … … …

What’s that?

“What schedule!?” You’re all asking?

Yeah, yeah… I know how it goes. But lucky for you all, I’ve changed it! Instead of writing slowly and progressively, I am now adopting the ‘write when I goddamn feel like it’ strategy, which is even worse!

Why? Well, basically, I’ll sum that up further down the blog, but it’s safe to say in the short, that I currently lack the motivation to write. Simple as. And I don’t want to give you people an inferior product just because I felt compelled to throw words on paper in a bad mind-set. That’s not fair on any of us. So! Yeah, that happened.

Onto my thoughts and pointless babbling…

Right, well, I suppose the first thing I should address is the lack of motivation. In the short, I’d put it down to me having another one of my irritatingly frequent man-periods. But who knows, I’ve been like this for a month now, give or take.

I have also been very busy with other things, mainly work and stuff, which tires me out a fair bit and puts me out of action for the first half of the week – more if I get assignments and tests and stuff. I’m sure many of you know that feeling, haha!

And I was thinking, while in the shower at 7am, as my FiMFiction account became one year old, about just how much things have changed. I dunno why, but I became all nostalgic for a fair few days thinking of how much has truly happened in the year which I have liked and been in support of ponies.

Now, I want everyone to know that none of this is a dig at the fandom in any way, as I know some people say these things as a method of… I dunno, venting anger at the change in the brony fandom. But personally, I know that things change and evolve, and often, it’s for the best. I personally don’t have to like it though.

Let me take one point for example; the people themselves. I can remember when things first started for me, probably 14 months ago, back sometime during the early stages of season two maybe? I can’t remember… Now, there were a few musicians on the scene, and they were big news! I mean, wow, a whole fandom with professional musicians! It was all new to me. Then maybe 12 or 13 months ago I joined FimFic, after lurking for a while as a guest on the site, and I met equally talented people in the literacy department. Some people could put words to paper fantastically, and those that weren’t so fluent, often had ideas far above some of their peers, and were simply able to weave tales so fantastic that I honestly didn’t care too much for the odd error or tense fuck up. Haha, and then at some point I became snobbish and couldn’t read things that were written poorly, but, I suppose that’s just me being me.

What I’m getting at is that there were some real figures making strides out into deep water, a few figureheads that I loved to… ok this will sound creepy, but, ‘keep tabs’ on. I remember when people like Killjoy and kickass222urmom used to release chapters every day, to hundreds of readers who would all frantically comment afterwards. I remember when Karon was on chapter 2 of Machinations of a Trickster – and look at how amazingly well that’s done, roughly 50 chapters and one sequel later! (It’s a personal favourite of mine.)

Coal Buck too I guess, as someone who many would consider to be godfather of HiE fics. He once again was a figure in the community who stood out among the rest, and when he left, haha, look at the backlash! It was truly something to behold. I felt as if the community really did have some amazing people, 99% of whom were willing to take others with less experience under their wing and show them the ropes. Hell, I saw people build up communities within communities, and take leadership roles in amazing ways that I never thought possible- and all weaved around the main MLP FIM banner! It was fantastic to be honest.

I mean, now there are people who, rightly so, deserve to be famous in the community, but people hadn’t even heard of six months ago, and I occasionally feel that we need to step back and remember those who paved the way for us.

So I thought about how I feel now. And I really don’t know whether that charm has worn off, or whether things have changed. Haha, personally I think a big part of it is simply that I have lost touch with the community, myself. I haven’t read a new fic since the end of May last year, and even the music is becoming stale for me. Partly because it seems to me that the musicians are in the same boat I am – they seem to have no drive, no motivation to produce anything, and partly because it seems as if they have been lost within the swash of ten billion new artists!

Once again, I would like to say that this isn’t me having a dig at them. Those who are newer to the music scene are also very talented, and I applaud them so much for having such an amazing creative talent that, haha, if anything, I am very jealous of! Seriously, I’m in awe at what some people manage to produce these days. But… having said that, it’s… once again, I use the word ‘changed’ from what I remember.

I mean, I know that it’s great that MLP has brought so many people in and from so many backgrounds and locations, but honestly, I used to feel like I was in more of a family than I do now. I think that despite our whole code of letting anyone be a brony, somewhere down the line, we need to realise that, that’s just not how the world works… unfortunately. In real life, I’ve met some amazing people – my friends back home for example, and equally, I’ve met some really horrible people too, people that I’ve been scared of, and people that have proven themselves to be dangerous around. But… equally, I’ve met some amazing bronies! The people I talk to on Skype, (you know who you are), are all amazing people. … … Most of you lol. And I love you all to death. But… once again, I have met some real fucking dicks in the brony community too. It just goes to show that no, our idyllic view has not really… panned out as we would like it to seem.

Having said that, I’d like to reiterate that this is just me ranting and sharing my feelings, something which I believe I have a right to do. So… sorry, but bear with me just a little longer. Once again, this is me, not having a go at people.

Which leads me on to my next point! Another nostalgic bomb hit me the other morning when I thought back to why I started writing, and to be honest, I can kinda put it down to two things; A) Escapism, and B) A guy you might remember on the site as ‘Kintra’.

Everyone having shitty emo pasts aside, because let’s face it, everyone has an agenda nowadays… yeah, it was the guy who introduced me to Skype and one of the best stories I have read on this site, Kintra, who made me want to write. I maybe wrote about 40K before he knew that, but still, it doesn’t change the fact that it was something he wrote which inspired me. Kintra was also the first person I showed my story to, and the first person who told me that I wasn’t half bad. I suppose he truly helped and encouraged me to go forward with it. And for that, I will always be thankful.

But then it hit me…

I haven’t spoken to him properly for months now. He was great friends with Coal, and around the same time Coal left the fandom, Kin did too. I guess that for those of you in the know, that puts a rough time frame on all of this. Now, I’d be lying if I said that this hasn’t made me sad, because to be honest, it’s not only Kintra, but a few other people too. I could chat with them, yeah. And they’re still great friends to me! But, it turns out that ponies were all we had in common and now that the link is gone, so is a good friendship too…

I was just looking back on all the fun times and chats some of us had both on Skype and on FimFiction, reminiscing about the various people and good things that the brony community has put me in touch with. I don’t regret any of it! I really don’t! But it still made me choke up knowing that it was all in the past and I don’t foresee it happening again in the future.

There was something truly magical for me 10 months ago with ponies. I mean, it was why I got up, it was what I did until late into the night, and it was… well, to put it bluntly, it was my life for a while.

Now though, I’d honestly say that minimal amounts of my time goes into ponies, aside from chatting with friends online. This might make me sound as if I’m falling out of love with it all, but trust me, this isn’t the case. I hold this fandom very close to my heart, and I can’t see that changing, even if other things do. I do however think that I’m married. There was the initial start-struck love, and then the excitement of the honeymoon, and now, one year later into my personal experience of this fandom, I’m married, and acting like a crotchety old fool by boring you people on here, gracious enough to listen so far, about all my thoughts.

I thank you for that by the way. I really do.

So back to the whole friendship thing, I can remember having 10,000 story ideas flowing through my head, and Pinkie levels of excitement theorising thousands of scenarios with my friends about yet again, hundreds of ways we could write stories. Now? I have… no real excitement at all. I love what I write, and I love how you guys all respond to it. Hell, I love you guys! Period. But, this leads back onto the very first thing in this blog, about how I currently lack motivation, and how I’m not willing to force words out if it makes me eventually hate what I do. I will write when the mood fancies me. And with luck, my own disposition will clear up soon too, putting me in a better state of mind. Maybe it’s the winter…

One thing I did find funny though, was that recently a good friend of mine, (one of my Skype brony friends), introduced me to Adventure Time, and aside from the fact that I now have the ‘hots’ for Flame Princess~ See what I did there? I also found myself falling in love with it. … … … Just as I did with MLP over a year ago. It gave me feelings that mirrored the ones I originally had for this fandom, feelings which I hope are only dormant.

So, hang in there, I’m almost done. One last thing, I’d like to know your opinions on season three so far. Please write any you have in the comments if you’ve managed to read this far, haha!

I only bring this up, because once again, over a year ago, I fell in love with a show for little girls, about ponies, and in my eyes, it feels like season three has been riding the brony bandwagon like a bitch in heat to be honest. I mean holy shit, do little girls even watch it anymore? Or do Hasbro think that we’re the main target audience now? Personally, I liked it before, when bronies were a side product of something, and not the main focus. We liked MLP because we liked MLP, it was that simple. Not because people made a show FOR us. I just think that Hasbro has missed the point, and doesn’t realise that we liked the show already, they didn’t need to try and make us like it more…

Haha, I dunno if any of you even understand what I’m getting at!

No matter.

Ok, so in hindsight, I only informed you of one thing, and then bitched for 2,000 words. No big deal, haha!

If anyone has any questions, please do not hesitate to ask. If anyone wants to chat, I’m all ears. Even if a little shy to start a conversation sometimes, haha!

PS. Eli, THIS is how you do a blog, haha! And yes, I do expect a comment on this because I comment on 90% of yours and you release three a friggin’ day. Hurrumph!

So, anyhow, thanks for listening. If anyone followed that through to the end, I applaud you, and want to restate for one last time that these are my own feelings and not in any way designed to offend or anything, as I know some people react strongly to anyone having a different opinion than them in this community… Which is a good thing as far as pride is concerned, but a bad thing where having a free voice is concerned. But oh well…

Thank you once again, for your support throughout last year, and I hope that you continue to silently support me in this one too! I will write, just… please bear with me for a bit, guys and gals. Thanks.

-DM

(I just re-read this and my god it sounds like a suicide note. I am NOT going away. Just to make that clear!)