Chapter 2: this chapter starts off with fairly dark self mutilation... i felt that did not fit... at all. if the author wanted to write a dark story than he should have made the slave market dirty grimy, made the slavers disgusting, revolting individuals. the author should have worked to make us feel like going back to the market would be hell, as it stands the market seems like a nice place with polite ponies running it. With the market like that I have NO emotional connection to the character

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Chapter 1: while the chapter did the job of introducing twilight her family and chains i feel that the author could have put more effort into explaining the human slave trade, mentioning if he was in a filthy or well maintained cage, whether or not the slave market was a grand festival like market with men loudly advertising or auctioning off humans to the highest bidder and explaining whether the humans have been slaves for a while, for example Twilight's mother could have mentioned that she

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To anyone who is reading this, I am going to use this to write my thoughts on fanfics that I will be reading, my critiques if you will.
The first fiction I am reading and writing about is called Chains and it is written by BookyBrony.
The critiques will be written chapter by chapter as I read, I find its a lot easier to write that way.
These are MY opinions and I don't mean to offend anyone in anyway.