At first, this was just a personal project that I hoped would help me get back into medicine if nothing else. But then the plant closed and all of my "friends" found new jobs. New houses, new cars, new lives. And me? I'm still here. All alone in a big house that I can't afford to keep up. All alone with too much time to think about things. There's no more work to keep me busy, but my mind is always racing. I fill my time by keeping the house clean and doing yard work, but there are only so many

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I had a dream last night. Matt and Cecilia were in it, and we were in high school again. Same school, same people, same clothes, same Stephen, etc, etc. It was just like the earliest parts of my teenage journals when I write about our re-connected friendship in high school. It seemed so real that when I woke up I wrote a whole page in the journal just recording every detail I could remember. Like I said, in the journal I wrote that I was confused when it seemed like Matt might have a crush on

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I'm watching it disappear right in front of me. It's like...I dunno, it's like those movies you see on the history channel; the Roman Empire, or ancient Egypt, or some other civilization that obsessed over wealth, status, and power until they just withered up and died. I worry about the future. I worry about what this will mean for my own kids. The way things are going, will they have to move out of the city to find work? I can't even begin to imagine what they'll have to deal with. How do you

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I mean, it's not my fault, is it? I didn't ask to get laid off. And yet, I feel like it's my fault. I feel like I let everyone down. Maybe it's because I'm still here and they're not. I can't stop thinking about them. It's been three months since the plant closed, but I miss them every day. We were all so close. When something good happened, we shared it. When something bad happened, we shared that too. I guess it's easy to be friendly when you don't really have anything to worry about. A job

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I'm not sure why I keep this stupid thing up. No one is going to read it, after all. But for some reason, I just feel like it's important. I have no idea why. I've been thinking about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I haven't exactly been looking for a new job or anything, but I suppose I should start doing that. I mean, it's not like the world is coming to an end or anything. There are still people out there with real problems. I think that's partly why I've been putting off

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I'm home. That is, I'm home in the 'Sanctuary Hills' community. The raiders and the tribals ran me out of Journsburg, and I haven't had much luck finding a new job. I think the only one that's hiring is another bar, and I don't want to work somewhere that--again--I'll probably end up having an abusive boss.

This is it. This is the last time I'm writing in this BLog. Tomorrow, I'm going back home from my trip from whatever hole I've been living in for the past month. Hopefully I can get home without too much trouble. I really don't know why I'm bothering to post this, There's not even a password on it, and anyone can edit it. Maybe I just want one last bit of attention before my life completely changes again.