Why? I know you can write but yet you've lost the will... Go back. Look at you're story. That one shot right there was your best and you can still make the best of it. Yet you choose to leave it all behind. For what? Cause you don't want to? Cause you've lost the will to write? It's sad you've let something so good go to waste. You're an artist for it. There's no denying that. You're heart is where that art lies but you let it dwindle there instead of writing you're heart away.

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I've made two live streams from yesterday and today but I'm not sure if I actually want to keep it up. If I do it'd be mostly consisted of Fallout 4 and Battlefield 4 but again like I said I don't know if I want to keep it up.

How you all been?

Though it happened the day after Christmas my grandfather passed away. So we've been going through a hard time right now honestly I think I was the only person that didn't cry not because I'm heartless or because I didn't like him. I did, but I hardly spent time with him and well I've come close to the point that I can no longer cry. Anyway I did see it coming when my Uncle made him sign a will while he was in the hospital for a infection in his foot so we wouldn't lose the house. I know it's a

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Long time no see

I don't mean people blogging i mean pms it's strage and I'm not use to it here

Good. And I don't mean everyone

No words can describe how funny it was

I suffer from bipolar depression

I can't laugh, I can't smile, I can't think without the thought of suicide. I can't write down my thoughts cause I'd end up doing them. I've isolated myself here and home. No one sees me, no checks thinking I'm hurt. I just lay here letting my sorrow sink in. I sit in the rain to calm myself. The cool air, the sound of rain hitting the ground. It may sound weird or odd. But it's the most calming sound I know. I miss writing fanfics. It drove my mind away into a different state full of life. Yet

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