Dr Sheldon Cooper goes to Equestria

by Lancelot

First published 9th of November, 2012

An obsessive physicist gets transported to a world of technicolor equines, and scientific anomalies.

After an irritating encounter with Penny, Sheldon retires to his home-away-from-home, his Batcave, his Fortress of Solitude: his office. But the physicist gets more than he bargained for when a strange interdimensional worm hole appears in the Biology department.

Trapped in an unfamiliar, scientifically impossible world. Sheldon has the perfect opportunity to flex his astonishing social skills, or lack thereof. Completely oblivious that the fate of Equestria rests in his hands, Sheldon embarks on a journey of self discovery and love and tolerance... except he doesn't discover anything, and love and tolerance is a waste of time.

Well, maybe he'll learn the value of friendship along the way. But that isn't likely

The Pony Anomaly

The warm orange glow of the setting sun traversed the peaceful, Pasadena streets below. The avenue was almost deserted, with most of the residents fleeing the sweltering outdoor heat, into the cool, refreshing shelter of their air-conditioned homes. A midst the urban jungle, two opportunistic avian stood perched atop a nearby telephone mast.

Their sharp, attentive eyes, scoured the neighboring houses and apartment blocks, analyzing the complex for the all too familiar weakness that came with hot weather: open windows.

They were done with the occasional breadcrumb that littered the sidewalk - they were hunting big game now, and it was the perfect weather for it. Everyone knows the towering, refrigerated vault is where they keep all the tasty stuff.

There was always risk involved, of course. That just made it more thrilling. However, there were boundaries, certain precautions that had to be taken. Apartment 4A for example. A strict no-fly zone, infamously known among feathered fledglings for the nutcase who lives there.

They could hear him right now. Such an obnoxious voice emitting from a living creature was unfathomable, and quite hard to escape. Despite complete lack of language comprehension, they could tell he was an idiot. Other humans avoided him, and those who remained in his company always looked distressed, then relieved once they had finally escaped.

Yet, his window hung wide open, almost mockingly inviting those brave enough to dare enter his realm, and claim his delicious bounty. It was almost certainly a trap, though, an alluring one at that.

Still, maybe they could pull it off. It was a rather extravagant undertaking with no promise of reward. But if they do pull it off, and make it out alive - loot intact - well, they'd be deemed heroes; the uncontested scavenging champions.

The temptation proved too much, and after a momentary squawking debate, the two took flight, surreptitious gliding towards the intimidating entrance of their target's window.

Lo and behold, there he was. Situated in his usual spot on the couch, he waved around his arms hysterically, like a madman. His irksome expression amused them, frantically shaking his head in disagreement of whatever it was he, and his compatriots were discussing.

Unfortunately, time was of the essence. Their position atop the windowsill would be compromised if they lingered any longer, and they only had one shot at this.

It was now or never.

* * *

"Come on, Sheldon. I really don't think it's a big deal."

"Excuuuuuuse me? I think you'll find this is indeed a big deal, in fact, I'd go as far as saying that this is a deal of such gargantuan proportions - that if it were a physical agglomeration of matter, it would have it's own gravitational pull. "

"You're overreacting-"

"Tell me this, Leonard; was the sacking of Rome not a big deal? Was Einstein's theory of Relativity not a big deal? Are you next going to proclaim to me, that perhaps, the invention of the wheel was not a big deal, either?"

"Okay, we get it Sheldon. None of us like Lucas leaving Star Wars but who knows, Disney have a good track record, just look at their recent IPs..."

"Oh my god, I love Disney!" interjected Penny, her eyes glued to her iPhone, the faint sound of Angry Birds emitted from it's built-in speakers. "Has anyone here seen Toy Story 3? That movie is so cute! The ending made me cry, though."

"Well, Penny, as beguilingly captivating as your emotions during a children's film are; I don't recall personally inviting you to participate in our current discussion - which, might I add, is about Star Wars, so unless you have any worthwhile insight - which you don't - then I implore you to please refrain from attempting to contribute."

"Hey!" protested Penny. "Me and my nephew used to play LEGO Star Wars all the time, I beat all the levels and everything. That's gotta be worth some serious nerd cred, right?"

"Nerd cred?" sneered Sheldon, leaning forwards atop his spot on the couch. "If you're seeking recognition from anybody in this room, go and play through Knights of the Old Republic as a Scout, on the hardest difficulty, using nothing except a blaster - and defeat Darth Malak."

"Wha—"

"Until that implausible scenario becomes a reality; be aware that mentioning any video game with 'LEGO' in the title will actually diminish peoples' opinion of you - not increase it."

"Yeah, whatever," added Penny, using her mobile's display as a miniature mirror, as she twiddled locks of her hair. "Lemme guess, Dr Wackadoodle - have you lost respect for me?"

"No, of course not," replied Sheldon with almost uncharacteristic optimism. "I've never respected you - as a friend, or a human being - you can't subtract a hypothetical element with a base value of zero, that's basic mathematics."

"Jeez, Sheldon, get off my case already!" snapped Penny, "Just 'cause I'm not some science geek or video game guru, doesn't mean I can't join in; not knowing is part of the fun."

"Not knowing is part of the fun? Really, was that the motto of your Community college?"

"Oh my god, It's a Star Wars game and we're talking about Star Wars!" blurted Penny, "Get over it."

"Yeah, give it a break, Sheldon," said Leonard. "You constantly take everything way too seriously, learn to relax a little."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," replied Sheldon, crossing his arms. "I'm a humorous, down-to-earth, socially outgoing and whimsically inventive prankster. Just ask my mother."

"Whimsically inventive?" repeated Penny. "What does that even mean?"

Bringing his palm to his throat, the physicist let out a preparatory cough.

"Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?"

"I don't—"

"To get to the same side!" he concluded, a complacent smirk plastered across his face.

"Whoa, that's the most whimsically inventive thing I've heard all day!" mocked Penny, throwing her arms up above her head. "But seriously, I don't get it."

"Well, in that case, your sense of humor has my deepest condolences for failing to appreciate high-quality hilarity," said Sheldon, immediately turning to face Leonard. "Remind me, what do you see in this woman, again?"

"Hey!" replied Leonard. "Leave our relationship out of this."

"Hold up, what do you mean 'our relationship'?" interjected Penny. "We're just friends, 'kay?"

"Annnnnd, there's the elephant in the room," said Howard, looking up from the tinted black LED of his PS Vita. "A smokin' hot blonde, sat next to her nerdy ex-boyfriend who's desperately trying to win back her affection. Sounds like prime MTV material."

"Yeah, very funny, Howard," sneered Leonard. "Go back to playing your Japanese high school simulator, and make love with your imaginary schoolgirl waifu."

"It's called 'Persona 4' actually," said Howard, returning his gaze to the screen. "And she is called Chie Satonaka; she gets me on an emotional level."

"Yeah, that's really, really sad, and also kinda creepy," proclaimed Leonard.

"No, what's sad and creepy, is that our relationship is still more authentic than yours."

"What relationship?" asked Penny. "Leonard knows me n' him are over, everyone does. We ended it in this very apartment."

"Now, excuse me, everybody," exclaimed Sheldon, tediously waving his hand. "I can't be the only one who feels uncomfortable and violated by the simple fact that Penny has efficiently derailed our entire prior conversation. Think of all the intelligent discussion that would be currently taking place, were she not present."

"You and Leonard arguing about a nerdy kids' show isn't 'intelligent discussion' sweetie," said Penny.

The physicist offered no response, instead shifting his gaze to the slowly swirling surface of the hot beverage he grasped between his fingers. The smooth, peachy ripple of honeyed tea always got him in a philosophical mood, for reasons he couldn't quite understand. What he most certainly did understand, however, was the drastic deterioration of his quality of life; the genesis of this decline being the moment Leonard invited the insufferable cheesecake waitress next door for dinner, all those years ago.

It was a slippery slope; one that would continue to descend down the pessimistic pit of madness and anarchy; of food thievery and Wi-Fi scrounging; of terrible pop music and reality TV shows.

"Okay, what's he doing now?" asked Penny,

"Who knows," replied Leonard, eyeing his friend with bewildered concern. "He does this thing sometimes, where he'll just stop mid-conversation and start staring at his tea, like, really intensely. Howard's theory is that he's actually a cyborg from the future, and being in social situations depletes his batteries, so occasionally he needs to recharge."

"By staring at tea?"

"It's the most plausible explanation we've come up with," interjected Howard, his ear twitching at the hushed whispers of Raj, whom was silently sitting beside him. "Raj thinks he uses a previously undiscovered variant of photosynthesis, whereby he converts the sweet aroma of tea, into essential carbohydrates and sugars, which he then stores for future social encounters."

"Sure, makes sense," jeered Penny, a monotonous yawn escaping her lips.

"Penny," began Sheldon, finally returning to reality. "Can I ask you something?"

"You don't need permission to ask me a question, sweetie," replied Penny, with a smirk. "But something tells me whether I gave you permission or not, it wouldn't make much of difference, anyway."

"You're correct, it wouldn't," continued Sheldon. "Why do you always hang around my apartment? Despite the barbaric mess, the diabolical disorganization and the ghastly odors, which we can only assume have lingered from previous sessions of coitus; there's nothing fundamentally prohibitive that's stopping you from spending your weekdays there, as opposed to here."

"Woah, hold up. What do you mean your apartment? Don't you mean our apartment–"

"Leonard, hush. We're trying to hold a conversation here," dismissed Sheldon, offering his friend a condemning glance. "We've been through this, if you have any inquiries or complaints regarding the Roommate Agreement, or your position and obligations within the Roommate Agreement, put them on the agenda for the next Monthly Apartment Meeting."

"Wow, Sheldon, you're a real jackass sometimes," added Penny. "And for the record, I only come 'round to hang out with you guys... sometimes to raid the fridge, but whatever. Food's expensive nowadays, and being a start-up Actress ain't easy in California."

"Indeed," replied Sheldon, taking a long slurp of his tea before resting it on the edge of the adjacent glass table. "One can easily perceive the difficulties that arises, when one's goal is to be sought after by talent agencies, yet one possesses little to no actual talent. To them, you're just a tiny electron, obnoxiously gyrating beside the accomplished, highly-desired protons and neutrons that make up the nucleus of Hollywood."

"Screw off, Sheldon! I'm a great Actress," asserted Penny, pointing an accusatory finger at the wordy physicist. "Remember the role I got in that Hemorrhoids commercial, a couple months ago?"

"Ah, yes," recalled Sheldon. "I'm sure the esteemed directors of the Film industry are positively exuberant at the prospective of hiring the new, self-proclaimed 'Face of Hemorrhoids', to star in their latest Romantic comedy."

"Okay, give it a rest, Sheldon," interjected Leonard, massaging his temples with the tips of his fingers. "What's with you today? You're being more of a jerk than usual."

"I know, right?" said Penny, glaring at Sheldon, defiantly. "What's up Dr. Dumbass? D'your train set break?"

"Okay..." sighed Sheldon. "That's strike two."

"Oh no, here we go," said Howard, reaching into his pocket to grab his earphones, which he promptly plugged into his earlobes, as well as the corresponding port on his PS Vita.

"I don't even— what?" sputtered Penny. "What the hell do you mean, 'strike two'?"

"I'm sorry, are you unable to comprehend the rudimentary English dialect?" said Sheldon. "You're on your second strike. A strike which, might I add, you've progressed unto with remarkable clarity."

"But that doesn't explain anything!" argued Penny. "At least tell me what I did."

"You infringed my rules on discrimination or intolerance against trains in this apartment; a crime which — by the way — is punishable by banishment," replied Sheldon, frowning. "Did you even read the memo I handed out last week, regarding the updates and policy changes that'd be taking place within the infrastructure of the Roommate Agreement, and the Friends, Guests and Close Acquaintances Agreement?"

"No sweetie, I didn't," said Penny, offering an unmoved, uncaring stare at the rambling physicist. "I just use that as five-hundred pages of 'emergency toilet paper', in case I run out."

"Wait, so that's what that thick pile of paper beside your shower is?" asked Leonard, slightly amused.

"Mhm."

"Well then," began Sheldon. "Looks like someone will be subscribing to the apartment's online blog to get their monthly policy changes and announcements, from now on."

"Hang on— the apartment has a blog?" interjected Leonard, his brows crossing in bewilderment.

"Maintained and updated by yours truly," boasted Sheldon with a smirk. "Every fortnight, I post a series of rather compelling brain teasers, titled 'Cooper's Co-weekly Cognitive Challenge'. I also took the liberty of hacking into all your social media accounts and subscribing to the blog for you, so you don't miss all the fun."

"Huh, well that explains the spam I've been getting in my inbox every couple weeks..."

"You moved me to the spam folder?" gasped Sheldon, frantically shaking his head. "What is this, The Hunger Games? Is that the kind of world we live in? Where friends double-cross friends, and move each other into the spam folder; is that the kind of savage environment you want to be a part of, Leonard?"

"Well, if we were in The Hunger Games, I wouldn't hesitate to empty my quiver of arrows straight at your ugly head, if I ever saw you!" snapped Leonard.

"Boys, play nice," intervened Penny. "And also — backing up a sec — I just realized you skipped a strike. That's pretty embarrassing for a super smart scientist person, huh?"

"June 19th, 2011."

"Uh, what?"

"June 19th, 2011," repeated Sheldon, with a frown. "You violated my rule about forwarding email humor."

"Yeah, I have no idea what you're talking about," said Penny, offering a lighthearted shrug.

"The photo of the cat who wants to 'haz cheezburger'," stated Sheldon, briefly abandoning his spot on the couch as he walked over to the polished, chrome doors of the refrigerator. "Would anyone here care to join me, in a glass of basil-sweetened lemon flavored water?"

"You got any alcohol?" asked Penny.

"No," replied Sheldon, reaching inside for the sterilized bottle of his homemade concoction. "I do have a Virgin Cuba Libre, though."

"A Virgin Cuba what?"

"It's a Caribbean brew of rum and coke, except without the rum," said Sheldon, pouring himself a glass of 'Basil infused Sodium hydroxide lemon juice' — according to the over sized label stuck to the bottom of the bottle.

"So... it's just a regular coke, then?"

"Diet coke," stated Sheldon. "So no, it's not a regular coke."

"Sure, whatever..." sighed Penny. "Better than nothing, I guess."

"I assure you, that wasn't my choice of words upon receiving a clogged inbox of unsolicited, outdated internet memes," sneered Sheldon, handing Penny a chilled coke before returning to his spot on the couch.

"Oh, come on, everybody loves LOLcats," said Penny, cracking open her can. "They’re cute and they can’t spell ’cause they’re cats."

"I trusted you with my email address, and you betrayed that trust by sending me Internet banality, strike one."

"But that was ages ago, how the hell do you even remember this stuff?" asked Penny, turning towards Leonard. "How the hell does he remember this stuff?"

"I haven’t forgotten a single thing since the day my mother stopped breastfeeding me," interjected Sheldon, giving a contemplative glare at the ceiling. "It was a drizzly Tuesday— "

"Okay, that's enough," said Leonard. "I think we can live without another 'Historical Tale, from the Infinitely Interesting Past of Sheldon Cooper'."

"Your loss," replied Sheldon, sipping his water.

"Listen, Penny," began Leonard. "If you're so bummed out about the whole strike business, you can just apologize to him. He's more lenient than you'd think."

"Apologize? To that dork?" wailed Penny. "I didn't even do anything wrong!"

"Well, by my standards—"

"By normal people's standards I didn't do anything wrong!" snapped Penny, scowling Sheldon into submission. "So if you think I'm just gonna get down on my knees and beg forgiveness for a stupid comment, then you can shove your train set up your ass!"

"And, that's strike three. Congratulations, Penny; you are hereby banished from the apartment."

"Banished? Banished, are you freakin' kidding me!?"

"I never kid about banishment," replied Sheldon, with a stern expression. "Banishment is serious business."

"Sheldon, I'm not going anywhere; banishment or no banishment."

"Yes you will." replied Sheldon.

"Oh yeah? I already told you, I'm not leaving; whatcha gonna do bout' it Moonpie?" teased Penny.

"You should probably just go," advised Howard. "For your sake, and the rest of ours."

"I'm going to politely ask you to leave," cautioned Sheldon.

"That all you got Shelly Bean?" snickered Penny; "I'm not going anywhere."

"Very well," exclaimed Sheldon. "I didn't want to have to resort to this, but you've left me with no other choice."

Leonard and the rest of the guys clenched their teeth and prepared for the worst. Coming from Sheldon, this can only be bad.

"I'll leave then."

"Yeah, go ahead; do your wors- wait, what?" That was unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome.

Sheldon pouted as he marched towards the exit; his laptop wrapped firmly beneath his left arm. The door slammed closed with an underwhelming bang leaving the group to silently contemplate if they had taken the joke too far. Or not far enough, had they known earlier how easy it was annoy Sheldon with Star Wars.

No less than a minute later a string of multiple quiet knocks came from the front door.

"Leonard, *knock*knock*knock* Leonard, *knock*knock*knock* Leon-"

The group shared a knowing glance among themselves before Leonard spoke up. "It's your apartment, Sheldon, you don't need my permission, just open the damn door!"

As if orchestrated beforehand, the door swung open immediately on cue.

"I thought you were leaving?" said Leonard.

"Technically I just did."

"Well that wasn't very long." admitted Leonard, an estranged hint of disappointment evident in his voice.

"Oh I know, I haven't left yet; I've just forgotten the Wi-Fi password for the physics department."

The group exchanged glances.

"e, nine, two, e, e, c, a, two, e," recalled Leonard with a smirk.

"Thank you." acknowledged Sheldon, who remained motionless where he stood, by the apartment door.

"So; weren't you leaving?" questioned Leonard.

"It's nine PM, there aren't any buses running at nine PM."

"So how are you getting to the University then?" Leonard feared he already knew the answer, but he'd take his chances.

"You're driving me."

"Of course," sighed Leonard. He should have seen that one coming a mile away.

* * *

Sheldon and Leonard arrived at the esteemed California Institute of Technology where Sheldon works.

"Listen Sheldon, you know we were just kiddin' around back there, you don't have to spend the night here."

"I know," agreed Sheldon. "The laws of the universe dictate, I don't have to do anything."

"Well come back to the apartment then!" proposed Leonard.

"No, I can't Leonard; not while Penny remains there."

"So, what? You want me to kill her or something?" he scoffed.

"That would be an option."

Leonard gave Sheldon an uneasy, slightly concerned glare.

"What? I said it was an option; I didn't say you should do it." added Sheldon, quickly.

"Fine," Leonard eventually groaned. There was no talking him outta staying here, he might as well give up. "It's a shame," he began. "You'll be missing Halo night, later."

Sheldon's eyes started to twitch, as he gave the cold stone steps leading to the university the most menacing scowl he could conjure up.

Look at what you've reduced me to, Penny. Standing outside in the cold, harsh night; while you're inside my apartment, playing Halo with my friends. Well, maybe not Raj, he was always just sort of there, in the background.

Sheldon gazed up at the sky, the full moon illuminating the car park both Leonard and himself currently resided in.

Darn, I knew I should have brought an umbrella. With skin as fair as mine, moon burn is a real possibility.

Sheldon was seriously contemplating going back. He had never ever missed Halo night in over five years. But if Penny was there, she would just ruin everything; like she always does. It had always annoyed Sheldon how freakishly good Penny was at Halo games. He had only ever managed to beat her once, and that was on Halo Wars, and even still, Penny's controller had disconnected three-quarters through the game, making Sheldon the winner by default. At least, according to him.

"I don't care; Halo: Reach was getting boring anyway," added a rather distressed Sheldon. He was never good at deception, and that was probably the filthiest lie he'd ever conveyed. "The maps are too small and the armor abilities are un-balanced."

"Well then, that's great!" affirmed Leonard. "We're not playing Reach; Halo 4 is getting released tomorrow, and we're all going to the midnight launch, tonight."

Sheldon was dumbstruck. His pupils had dilated and he had violent tremors in his hands. This isn't right, this shouldn't be happening. Penny, was going to play Halo 4 before himself. Sheldon propped himself up against the cold, metal of a parked car and started hyperventilating. If there was a god, now was the time for it to prove itself; and strike Penny down with a lightning bolt of justice.

"Are you okay, Sheldon?" a concerned Leonard queried.

"I'm fine." replied Sheldon, using his arms to propel himself off the side of the car. "I'm surprised you're still here."

"Me too." Leonard agreed. "I have been here awhile; I should probably go."

"Give Penny my regards." Sheldon added, as he slowly made his way up the bulky, stone steps leading to the University's entrance.

"Yeah, I think I won't do that," replied Leonard as he opened his car door and started the engine. "See you tomorrow, Sheldon."

"Oh yeah, about that..." began Sheldon; as he turned around to face Leonard. "I didn't bring any bus money, so you'll have to come pick me up."

Leonard groaned loudly and sighed. He had learned a long time ago to just go along with it, he didn't really have an option. The last time he refused to pick up Sheldon, he had forty-nine missed calls, seventeen emails, nine angry tweets, eleven private messages on World of Warcraft and three calls made to his parents' house phone.
"Yeah, sure. Goodbye Sheldon," Leonard bleated, as he pulled out of the car park and into the road.

Sheldon offered a half-hearted wave as he watched the car disappear into the distance.

* * *

Sheldon navigated his way through the long, dark corridors of the physics department. Apart from the janitor or the occasional over-time student finishing up late work, the building was completely silent. Most people would describe the atmosphere as eerie; but not Sheldon. The university was practically his second home, and he'd always come here when he wanted to be alone.

If I was part of the X-Men, I wonder what my power would be...

Sheldon usually pondered various topics on his way to the office, it was good exercise for the brain. Unfortunately, Sheldon's mental workout came to an abrupt end, as an unexpected bump on the floor, sent him flying to the ground. "I'll say! what are cleaners paid for? Their job is to clean! not research Super-symmetric Quantum Mechanics," he growled, as he turned to face the cause of his recent accident.

Sheldon shrieked in horror at the 2 meter long, 7 ft python stretched out along the sides of the corridor.

"We better get you back to Biology," whispered Sheldon, after regaining his composure. He carefully positioned his arm around the top of the snake and pulled it onto his shoulder, his free arm desperately clutching his Alienware laptop.

After a short walk to the Biology department, Sheldon noticed a bizarre purple glow illuminating from one of the many rooms stretching out down the hallway. "That's an odd light," he pondered. "How come the Biology department gets nice customizable, high quality colored lights and we don't? This is outrageous."

I'm definitely sending a strongly-worded letter to Dr Siebert about this tomorrow. The University's bigoted, one-sided favoritism with the Biology department is biased and unacceptable.

Sheldon made his way to the room and budged the door open. What he saw left his jaw agape. All the animals had been freed from their tanks and cages, and a giant purple vortex was sucking in everything that came remotely close.
What happened next surprised Sheldon even more. The vortex spoke.

"SHELDON COOPER?" The voice was deep and carried a lot of force.

"Dr" Sheldon corrected, slightly annoyed. "Dr Sheldon Cooper."

"WE APOLOGIZE, DR SHELDON COOPER. WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS BUT WE NEED THY HELP."

"Oh goody!" Sheldon remarked, with an excited grin. "Is this me from the future? How many nobel prizes have I received? Did I discover time travel? Is that why you're here? Are you giving me the time travel device, thus eliminating the need for me to invent time travel to begin with?" Sheldon was practically drooling.

"UM NO..." The voice trailed off. "WE COME FROM EQUESTRIA, AND WE ARE IN DANGER. WE SEEK AN EXPERIENCED HUMAN TO HELP US. A VERY SPECIFIC HUMAN."

"Really, experienced?" Sheldon remarked, sarcastically. "It take a lot more than experience to get to my position in theoretical physics. I'm expanding our knowledge of the universe on a daily basis. And I haven't even begun on String Theory! Once I get the results back from those slow-moving, magnetic monopoles-

"PLEASE DR SHELDON COOPER, WE DON'T HAVE TIME. CREATING THIS BRIDGE BETWEEN OUR WORLDS IS HARD ENOUGH ON MY SISTER AND HER MAGIC WILL SURELY FAIL SOON. STEP INTO THE PORTAL AND I PROMISE WE SHALL EXPLAIN ALL THY NEEDEST TO KNOW IN PERSON."

"Well, I wasn't going to Halo night tonight anyway." Sheldon thought to himself. "Fine, I accept your implausible request. But these animals better be cleaned up by the time I get back here, or I will report you to the City watch."

"OF COURSE, NOW PLEASE STEP INSIDE."

Sheldon slowly lowered the snake onto the table next to him, and hesitantly put his left foot inside. His entire body flinched as within a fraction of a second the rest of him, and his laptop, was sucked inside. The purple light began to fade into nothingness, leaving only an empty room filled with smashed glass and a horde of insects and animals rampaging around the building.

.

* * *

"What do ya'll think it is?"

"I'm not sure AJ, I've read hundreds of books on Equestrian wildlife and even Mythical creatures, and I haven't seen anything like this!"

"Maybe we should poke it? ya know, try and wake it up."

"No Rainbow Dash, we still don't know if it will be hostile yet. What if it wakes up and attacks us?"

"How do you know it'll attack us? I thought you said you've never seen one before?"

"Um girls... I think it's waking up..."

The Equine Hypothesis

Sheldon groaned in discomfort. His body ached and his eyes felt like they were on fire. His back felt sore, and there was something uncomfortable digging into his spine. He awkwardly attempted to shuffle himself off the unpleasant surface, to no avail.

"Is it having a seizure, or something?"

"I don't know Rainbow. It's definitely experiencing some sort of spasm."

"Um, should we help it? It looks like it could use help..."

After about a minute of shaking himself in different directions simultaneously, Sheldon decided his efforts were in vain. With his choices limited, Sheldon fought the pain and summoned forth the energy to open his eyes. The bright light emitting from the sun, impaired his vision but he could barely make out the outlines of six oddly shaped midgets, standing before him.

"Hey, he's opening his eyes! This is so super-fantastically-amazingly-awesome! That means we can throw a 'Congratulations on seeing things for the first time ever party'!"

"Uh, Pinkie, Ah don't think this is the first time he's opened his eyes. He wasn't jus' born."

"Girls, quiet! We don't know how it'll react to us yet. My 'First encounters with the Wilderness' book, said first impressions are everything."

Sheldon may be temporarily blind, but that didn't mean he was deaf. He had been listening to the females' banter back and forth, with stunned intrigue.

Must be some sort of circus comedy act

After the sun's illuminating glow and finally vanished from his sight, he could get a better look at those, who's company he shared.

A lump formed in the throat of a flabbergasted Sheldon, who was currently locking eyes with six, small, multicolored, equine creatures.

Darn it, Sheldon. You promised your mother you wouldn't do drugs

"Hi! My name's Twilight Sparkle, can you speak?" asked Twilight, with a hearty smile.

"You're a horse." Sheldon stated. "Horses don't talk."

"Hey pal, I think the word ya lookin' for there is ponies," Rainbow Dash corrected, with a frown.

"Ignore her," stated Twilight, subtly shaking her head at Rainbow Dash.

Sheldon said nothing, and continued to gaze at the six, scientific anomalies.

"Sorry if we seem rude, but... what are you exactly? Do you live in the Everfree forest?" questioned Twilight, with a hint of curiosity.

Sheldon remained silent for a few seconds before answering. "I'm a theoretical physicist and I live in Pasadena. Not that that's any concern of yours."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry if I seem too nosy! I just have so many questions; I mean, where is Pasadena? Do all 'theoretical physicists' come from that place? How did you end up here?"

All the ponies stared at Sheldon expectantly for an answer, who offered nothing more than a blank expression. Sheldon had actually stopped listening to the horses and was instead focusing on the last question the purple one asked. How exactly did he end up here?

Well, I remember leaving the apartment and going to my office

The realization suddenly struck him.

He fell. In the corridor, on the way to his office. He tripped over something and hit the ground.

Dear lord, I must still be unconscious on the floor

"Hey uh, you still with us big guy?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"You think he's napping with his eyes open? I do that all the time!" Pinkie exclaimed, as she dropped to the floor and performed a series of fake snoring sounds, with her eyes still open.

"Um, Mr theoretical physicist... you still with us?" asked Twilight.

Sheldon snapped out of his thoughts and turned his head to observe the surrounding scenery. He was slumped against the rough bark of an aged tree, next to a large forest clearing. The sun's warm light, cascaded beautifully through the falling Autumn leaves, floating down from the branches above. Birds chirped to each other, high in the treetops overhead, and the blue, scenic sky, produced not a single cloud.

It was truly the perfect day. The epitome of life, outdoors. Unfortunately the two things Sheldon despised the most about being outside was 'nature' and 'being outside'.

Sheldon gave a long, exaggerated sigh. "Come on Unconscious mind, I'm disappointed in you. You could have at least made the environment look like the Starship Enterprise."

The group exchanged confused glances.

Sheldon turned his head around to meet the ponies' gaze once more. "And what's the deal with the horses? I hate horses. Unless I'm under the effect of some narcotic substance with hallucinogenic side-effects, then I'm unable to comprehend the logic of horses exchanging words with me." Sheldon considered the unlikeliness of this scenario, "Lord knows, the only mind expanding drug this man enjoys is called 'school'."

"Whatcha' tryin' to say there partner?" asked Applejack, hesitantly. "Ah hope yer not insulting us."

Sheldon flinched as soon Applejack began talking. He turned to face the cowpony, and gawked for several seconds.

Applejack let out a clearly uncomfortable cough, and it was obvious she found the strange creature's behavior unnerving. She shifted, anxiously and tried her best to avoid eye-contact.

It wasn't until Sheldon broke the silence, did the awkward atmosphere subside.

"Mom?"

Applejack pawed the ground, her emerald green eyes fluctuating, rapidly between her friends and the creature. "Beg yer pardon, sugarcube?"

Sheldon continued to stare, as if in some sort of trance. Sure the accent wasn't identical, but it was most certainly there.

"Listen, darling. Could you perhaps explain things more clearly? We're really not understanding you," asked Rarity.

The question freed Sheldon from his momentary daze, and he addressed the legged marshmallow. "All of you are just fragments of my subconscious. The orange one is my mom." Sheldon smiled, and reached out to gently touch Applejack's face.

Applejack gave a forced chuckle as she backed away slowly. "Hehe okay, gettin' a bit too 'touchy feely' there, sugarcube."

"Seems you have an admirer," teased Rarity, batting her lashes at the blushing cowpony.

"OOOOHHHHH, What's that thing?" Pinkie interjected, pointing towards a mechanical rectangle lying on the ground. "Is it a frisbee? Can I throw it? Oh, wait, wait, is it an edible Frisbee? Can we eat it too!?"

Sheldon squinted his eyes as he scanned the nearby terrain. He eventually found his prized possession, lying face down next to a moss-covered rock. He summoned forth all his energy and made a crawl for his laptop, doing his best to ignore the inevitable grass-stains that will soon be present on his clothes.

"Oh, that's okay. I can get your frisbee for you!" Pinkie announced, as she bounced over towards the foreign object.

"NO, DON'T YOU TOUCH THAT."

Pinkie stopped, mid-bounce and fell back to the ground. Sheldon's sudden outburst had certainly startled the group, especially Fluttershy, who produced a quiet squeak as she covered her face with her pink mane.

The ponies remained silent, as Sheldon arrived at his destination and practically leaped onto his laptop, clutching it tighter than he'd ever had before.

"You sure are protective of that thing, aren't you," stated Twilight, cautiously.

"That 'thing'?" repeated Sheldon, with disgust. "That 'thing' is an Alienware M17 x Gaming laptop."

"A what now?" asked Applejack.

"We've been through this a million times mom; and before you ask, no. I didn't get rid of it after you selfishly instructed me to last time, it's not 'sinful', it's a technological innovation. if God hates it so much, why doesn't he come down here and take it from me himself?"

A speechless Applejack turned to Twilight for support.

"Uh, well listen. I'm sure you're pretty tired. How about we go to the Library and you can get some rest," offered Twilight.

"My mom said I shouldn't go anywhere with strangers," stated Sheldon, gesturing towards Applejack. "Isn't that right mom?"

"Uh, I, well... um," stammered Applejack.

Twilight had an idea, and she hastily trotted over to Applejack's side and whispered something into her ear.

None of the others could distinguish what was being said, but they could take a guess. Applejack's cheeks flamed from within, and she vigorously shook her head in decline.

Sheldon remained seated upon the lush, green vegetation. His laptop secured firmly against his chest; he looked up at Applejack, expectantly.

The noticeable frown and drawn-out sigh, suggested that Applejack had finally submitted to Twilight's proposal.
She took a deep breath and turned around to face Sheldon. " Uh, it's okay sugarcube. I did say that but err... these aren't strangers, these are my friends!"

"Are these the people you go to church with every Sunday?" asked Sheldon.

"They err... they sure are!" exclaimed Applejack, with an exaggerated smile. "So now that that's settled; why don't ya'll come to the library."

"Dear Celestia! This sure is one weird animal" interjected Rainbow Dash.

Sheldon scowled. "You're a horse. A blue horse. A blue horse with a rainbow colored mane. If the 'Gay Rights Social Movement' ever had need for a mascot, you would be the first person they would turn too," Sheldon continued. "Oh but wait. You're also religious, and you attend church every Sunday. It surprises me they haven't kicked you out already, provided you look this ridiculous in real life."

"What the hay did you just say about me!?" demanded Rainbow Dash, as she darted forward and pushed her snout into his face.

"Oh, I apologize. Did I just send a rush of Neurotransmitters to your Medulla, and increase your blood pressure and adrenaline levels?" Sheldon retorted.

"Anywaaay...," stammered Twilght, as she desperately attempted pull Rainbow Dash away from Sheldon. "We should really get a move on. It's getting dark, and the Everfree forest really isn't the place to be after dark."

"Um, yes. We should go," suggested Fluttershy.

Sheldon used his free arm to heave himself upright. Once he was on his feet, the height difference became, instantly more noticeable. The small horned creatures, came to around his lower torso, and that's including their horns. The other's barely made his waistline.

The distinction in height, was also more visible to the other party as well. Rainbow Dash seemed slightly less inclined to engage the creature, and merely pouted as she struggled her way free from Twilight's grasp and took to the sky.

"Okay, let's leave," agreed Sheldon, after doing some light stretching.

The group made they're way along the pathway, leading out into the small village in the distance. Applejack stared at the ground, while clenching her teeth; with Sheldon walking so uncomfortably close to her. Fluttershy cheerfully hummed to passing ladybugs, and Rainbow Dash flew high above, performing aerial acrobatics. Rarity applied gracious amounts of sunscreen to her cheeks, while Pinkie bounced along without a care in the world. There wasn't much conversation, but nobody cared. It was a beautiful day in Equestria, and nothing was going to ruin that. Strange creature or no strange creature.

After a few minutes of silent wandering, the group arrived at their destination.

Sheldon looked up at the wooden sign, that was perched gracefully over the ground.

'Welcome to Ponyville'

The Townsfolk Conundrum

Sheldon and the ponies picked up the pace and walked briskly through the center of Ponyville. It was certainly a busy day, merchants stood vigilantly by their stalls; selling their produce, whilst friends and young couples lay scattered around the park, enjoying a picnic and basking in the warm sun. Foals ran around gleefully, playing games and enjoying the remainder of their school holidays.

Unfortunately for the group, the strange, tall, fur-less creature was drawing the eyes of everyone in the market and they had amassed a reasonably large crowd, which had started to curiously follow them from behind.

Twilight motioned everyone to stop. "Alright girls, listen up. I was hoping to keep a low profile here but this isn't working out," she continued. "I'm gonna go back and address the crowd, you girls go on ahead and take the thoreticol phys-"

"Theoretical physicist," corrected Sheldon.

Twilight blushed. "Sorry, I wasn't sure how to pronounce it," she cleared her throat. "You girls take the theoretical physicist to the library and wait for me there. Don't open the door to anypony until I get back."

"Okie dokie loki." Pinkie beamed.

"You can count on us Twi," vowed Rainbow who then gave a military salute.

Rarity, Applejack and Fluttershy nodded in agreement.

"Thank you so much girls. Good luck!" Twilight began trotting back towards the massive gathering of ponies that had been stalking them for the last few minutes.

After Twilight was a safe distance away, Rainbow Dash immediately spun around and locked eyes with Sheldon. "Alright, here's the deal. I'm in charge here. I don't know what you are, but here in Equestria we follow orders. So when I order you to do something, you do it. No answering back either!"

The remaining group of ponies, Sheldon included, were stunned at Rainbow's sudden outburst.

Sheldon spoke up. "Excuse me? And what authority do you claim has been bestowed upon you within the last few seconds?"

"Hey! I said no answering back!" barked Rainbow.

"Listen, sugarcube. Why don't ya tone it down a little. Ah'm sure he didn't mean to insult ya back there. If ah woke up outside the Everfree forest ah would be a little jumpy too," intervened Applejack.

Rainbow Dash's angered expression slowly faded and her face drooped down. "I guess you're right..." She turned to face Sheldon. "Look, I'm sorry okay? I just... I dunno. I guess I take things too seriously sometimes," Rainbow gave a weak smile, and it was obvious her apology was genuine.

Applejack patted her friend on the back, before addressing Sheldon. "Now, haven't you got somethin' you would like to say to Rainbow here, too?"

Sheldon contemplated the question for a few seconds before answering with a simple, "No."

Applejack frowned. "What ah was tryin' to say was, don't 'cha think Rainbow here deserves an apology too."

It was now Sheldon's turn to frown. "Why should I apologize? I was just a victim of circumstance. She was clearly threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to realize that's why she hated me."

"Wow. You're a real jerk you know that?" Rainbow Dash grunted.

"See, I told you," Sheldon proclaimed. "My presence is making her feel insecure."

Applejack didn't appreciate Sheldon's attitude or his snide remarks about her friend. But with nopony else daring to question the tall, unfamiliar creature, she decided to speak up. "Right mister! You shut yer trap and apologize to Rainbow this instant!"

Sheldon's gaze bounced between Rainbow and Applejack rapidly, and his face went ashen. Sheldon had been scolded by his mother many times during his childhood, though usually it was about Sheldon refusing to say the lord's prayer before eating at the dinner table.

"But I don't wanna..." pouted Sheldon, as he stared at the ground.

"Okay. Ah'm gonna count to three."

Sheldon remained quiet.

"ONE."

Sheldon winced. He was powerless to stop the 'Counting Game' his mother had utilized against him many times before.

"TWO."

"THR-"

"Fine, fine! I'll apologize," stammered Sheldon, urgently.
Sheldon turned towards Rainbow Dash. "Sorry..." he quietly mumbled.

"Ah can't hear you."

"SORRY RAINBOW DASH," conceded Sheldon, as he rolled his eyes and feigned a yawn.

"That's better, and ah I feel mighty proud of ya fer doin' it," praised Applejack, oblivious to the sarcasm.

Sheldon smiled in return. "Thanks mom."

The group continued their trek to the library. The re-purposed tree house stood out like a sore thumb among the various houses and shops that circled it's exterior. A small, weathered notice stood idly next to the entrance. It depicted a book, followed by an arrow, pointing to the front door. Speaking of the front door, it was small. Too small. An inconvenience, noticed by Sheldon almost immediately.

"Dear lord, this must be what Gandalf felt like in the Shire," Sheldon bemused to himself.

"Who," replied an Owl, perched up on one of the Library's branches.

Sheldon looked up and eyeballed the creature. "Gandalf, from The Lord of the Rings."

"Who."

"Gandalf the Grey? Tharkun? Mithrandir? You know, from The Lord of the Rings series."

"Who."

Sheldon's face contorted as he grimaced at the Owl. "Are you deliberately trying to provoke me?"

"Who."

"Bird, you are playing with forces beyond your ken," threatened Sheldon.

"Are you seriously starting an argument with Owlicious?" giggled Rainbow Dash, as she strutted past towards the door. "Wow, you're such a loser."

"Takes one to know one," retorted Sheldon, almost immediately.

"Alright, settle down you two," ordered Applejack.

Both Sheldon and Rainbow Dash briefly looked back to acknowledge Applejack's command, and stood by the Library's entrance in silence.

Applejack tried her best to hide the grin, present on her face.

Guess Ah'm better at this whole 'mom' thing than Ah thought

Applejack's drastic change in attitude hadn't gone unnoticed, however.

"And what is it, you're so happy about all of a sudden, dear?" asked Rarity.

"Nothin'..."

Applejack may be the element of honesty, but she wasn't prepared to reveal she had been enjoying this a lot more than she'd been letting on.

* * *

"Please! Everypony, calm down!" Twilight pleaded to the roaring crowd.

What began as a harmless group of curious ponies, had quickly evolved into a full-blown riot. Mares and Stallions of different race, color and age; came together, united by their one shared goal: The strange creature. The crowd's agitator remained at the back, shouting words of encouragement into her megaphone.

"SHE'S TRYING TO HIDE THE HUMAN FROM US," yelled the mint colored unicorn. "IT'S ALL ONE BIG CONSPIRACY DEVISED BY CELESTIA!"

The crowd chanted louder and continued to pound against the purple colored force-field, Twilight had been forced to cast. "Please! Just listen to me! I promise if you calm down I will remove the shield," she begged.

The crowd disregarded Twilight's pleas' and persisted their revolt, demanding to see the alien creature.

Twilight was exhausted. She was down to her last slither of magical energy and she knew the force-field would break any second now. In one last valiant effort to halt the crowd she focused all of her remaining magical energy into one spell.

The shield dissolved and the crowd began to charge forward when a massive blinding light expelled from Twilight's horn, disorientating anyone who dared to look in her general direction.

With the crowd temporarily immobilized, Twilight did the only thing she could. She ran. She ran as fast as her hooves would take her.

* * *

Sheldon had settled in nicely at the library. He had grabbed a chair from the corner and positioned it in a very specific space in the middle of the room, which he now referred to as 'My spot'. He had also developed an unusual habit of making odd references that nobody understands, whenever Spike walks past.

"Darling, it's just occurred to me! We haven't been properly introduced," recalled Rarity.

Sheldon looked up from the book he was reading. "Well given the circumstances of me being here at all, I figured introductions weren't really necessary. Besides, you should all know me by default anyway."

"Darling, that's utter nonsense. Here let me begin. My name is Rarity," she continued. "And who do I owe the pleasure?"

Sheldon sighed. He doesn't even get harassed this much when he's actually awake. "Fine, my name is Dr Sheldon Cooper."

Rarity gasped. "Doctor you say? Oh my, what a prestigious profession. What position do you hold? Nurse Redheart is always looking for more help at the clinic," she suggested.

Sheldon groaned. "Dear lord, you should know by now. Do you need me to spell it out for you? I'm a theoretical physicist."

"Oh..." Rarity was taken aback. "Yes... of course... how foolish of me."

The rest of the group exchanged subtle quizzical glances before Rarity asked the question that was on everyone's mind.

"So... um... Out of curiosity. What is your species, dear?"

Sheldon laid his book, down onto is lap and stared directly at Rarity. "I'm a Platypus."

An awkward silence shrouded the room. Nobody knew if he was serious, or how to respond.

"BAZINGA!"

Fluttershy screamed at the sudden surprise and fell backwards on her rump.

"Fluttershy? What's going on down there?" Spike appeared above the staircase.

"How's the gem hunt going, Spyro?" Sheldon snickered.

"Uh, fine. Thanks for asking..." Spike slowly backed away and disappeared upstairs.

Sheldon returned to his reading, and the room fell mute. The relatively peaceful atmosphere didn't last long however, as the muffled hoof-steps of an injured pony could be heard approaching the entrance.

Suddenly, without any forewarning, the library door swung open violently, revealing an exhausted and barely conscious unicorn.

"Twilight!?" gasped Rainbow Dash.

Twilight stumbled a few feet forwards before collapsing in the center of the room.

The Royal Guard Ultimatum

The current scene at the Library could have easily resembled something out of an epic war movie. Everyone in the room practically dived off their seats and rushed to Twilight's aid. Everyone, apart from Sheldon, of course.

"It's not lookin' good, Ah don't think she's breathin'!" shouted Applejack, whilst pushing down Twilight's chest in rapid succession.

"Well? Don't just sit there! You said you were a doctor, so get your flank over here and help us!" snapped Rainbow Dash, who was kneeling down next to the unicorn.

Sheldon clenched his eyes shut, and exhaled deeply. He was never going to finish this chapter without someone interrupting him. Not that he was that exasperated. 'The Changeling' by Danny Mane Jr, had originally peaked his interest, but unfortunately wasn't related to the Star Trek episode it shared its title with. The storyline about the insect-horses was insufferable and the characters were bland, and obnoxious.

"Hey, egg-head! I'm talking to you! Twilight needs help!" barked Rainbow Dash.

"Okay, If I may interject?"affirmed Sheldon, as he put down his book to address the pony. "I'm a theoretical physicist, I'm a man of science. Do you honestly think the intellectually gifted men and women researching the String Theory are the same people that put band-aids on your boo boo?"

"I don't care that you're a theoretical physicist, and I don't care about 'String Theory'!" she shouted. "Twilight's injured, after saving your flank, I might add. So for once since we've actually found you: SHUT UP AND MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL!"

Sheldon's eyes widened and a lump had formed in his throat. He was indeed taken aback by the horse's rage, but he quickly regained his composure. If the animal wanted a war, it would get one. And as everyone knows, Sheldon is an acronym for: Strategic - Homo sapien (with) - Extraordinary - Leadership (who is) - Dangerously - Outstanding (and also, surprisingly) - Nutritious.

"Are you always this fatuous, or are you feeling particularly unintelligent today?" accused Sheldon. "You claim I'm not 'useful', when in reality I'm this close to solving Space Time Geometry and Higher Spin Gravity. What amazing scientific achievements have you achieved lately? Oh what's that? None. Because you're a chubby, diminutive equine, with no true knowledge of universe."

Rainbow Dash departed from Twilight's unconscious form, and stood up to lock eyes with her verbal assailant. "Woah, hold up. Did you just call me fat?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self worth?"

"N-no... I'm not fat, y-you're just trying to offend me. You're a bookworm, so shut up!" retorted an uncertain Rainbow Dash. Her raspy voice encompassed much more emotion than before.

"Yes, well, I’m polymerized tree sap and you’re an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns to its original trajectory and adheres to you."

"Ooh, ouch," snorted Rainbow Dash, sarcastically.

"There's plenty more where that came from," smirked Sheldon. "I will verbally destroy the molecular bonds that bind your very matter together and reduce the resulting particular chaos to tears."

Rainbow Dash held her hoof towards her mouth and feigned a yawn. "Yeah... I didn't understand half of what you just said."

"I anticipated as much," admitted Sheldon. "Allow me to alter my contemporary dialect, to better get my point across." Sheldon licked his lips and prepared his vocal chords. "Bitch, me and my 'homies' -that is to say; black companions, are going to 'pop a cap' in the rear entrance of your digestive tract."

Rainbow's face was scrunched up in disgust as she stared at Sheldon. "Eww, you want to do what to my rear!?"

"Yes, that's right. Maybe next time, you'll think twice about engaging the renowned Dr Sheldon Cooper in a battle of wits" he quipped.

"PLEASE STOP ARGUING!"

The startled pony and physicist, spun around in panic to determine the source of the horrifying voice. Their gaze landed on a trembling, yellow pegasus, sobbing in the corner.

A wave of guilt overcame Rainbow Dash, and she rushed over to wrap her friend in a tight hug. "Sorry, Flutters; I didn't mean to upset you," she lulled, gently.

Sheldon on other hand, sat down in his chair and resumed his reading. How that yellow, miniature equine possessed such an earsplitting voice, he'll never know.

Applejack let out a loud obnoxious cough to draw everyone's attention.
"While you and mister physicist was busy goin' at each others throats, Rarity cast a spell on Twilight here."

Rarity gave a weak smile. Her face was etched with creases, and heavy bags hung hopelessly, under her sparkling blue eyes. Her appearance clearly expressed how tired she was, no words were needed. She would almost exclusively use her magic for levitation and occasionally, to find hidden gems buried underground. The current situation however required a transfer spell, and with no other alternative, she'd had to cast it herself, draining all her magical energy and transferring it to the exhausted unicorn that was lying on the floor.

Twilight's frail form twitched for a few seconds, before she slowly opened her eyes. Her vision was blurry, but she could vaguely make out wooden archways of the Library's ceiling.

That's a good sign. At least I'm somewhere safe

She could hear somepony calling her name, but it seemed distant, and fuzzy. Once her daze had subsided, she mustered her remaining energy and forced herself upright. She was delighted to see her friends, gazing back at her with a smile. She was also relieved to see Sheldon had arrived at the Library, safe and unscathed.

"Twilight!" Spike beamed, as he ran up to his best friend and wrapped her in a warm embrace.

Twilight returned the gesture and nuzzled him affectionately.

"Twilight... stop it, not in front of everypony!" objected an embarrassed Spike, as he pushed his small frame out of her hooves.

Twilight rolled her eyes and giggled. She then turned to her friends, and expressed her gratitude. "Thank you so much girls! I just don't know what happened; I guess I overworked myself a little," she chuckled.

"Don't be thankin' us Twi, it was Rarity here, that did all the work," admitted Applejack.

Twilight glanced at Rarity, her fatigued form more noticeable than ever. For lack of a better term; she looked terrible --not that Twilight would ever dream of telling her that--, but she clearly needed aid.

"Rarity you don't look so good, you should really get some rest," declared Twilight.

Rarity's legs wobbled and she swayed from side to side, as she stood. "Oh darling, don't worry about me. I'll be fine dear, honestly." she assured. "I should probably get back and feed poor Opal, anyway." Rarity's elegant stride towards the door was interrupted, as her legs gave way and stumbled.

Her assurance that she was okay, seemed less convincing by the minute.

"Rarity, I'm not letting you leave here by yourself, take Spike with you," proposed Twilight. "Spike, you'll help Rarity get back to the Boutique safely, won't you?" asked the unicorn, certain she knew the answer.

"You bet I will!" beamed Spike, enthusiastically. He ran to her side, grinning as he escorted his love through the Library door, impersonating a royal guard as he did.

Drool was beginning to form in the corner of Rarity's mouth; she was simply too drowsy to say goodbye so she merely waved at her friends through the window before disappearing into the distance.

With the library now silent, Sheldon took this opportunity to step forward and address Twilight. "It's come to my attention that you're feeling distressed, so it would be customary for me to offer you a hot beverage. However, I'm a guest in your home, so it would be customary for you to offer me a hot beverage."

Twilight remained silent.

"How should we proceed?" asked Sheldon.

Twilight eyed her friends, but they were just as confused as her.

"Um... I'm fine... but thank you for the offer!" she smiled.

"The hot beverage isn't optional," Sheldon added.

Twilight was beginning to feel uncomfortable. The last thing she wanted was to offend the creature, but it seemed she had to make extra effort to be polite. "Again, thank you very much! But honestly, I'm fine. I do appreciate it and everything; but I'm feeling much better now."

"Well then, that's great news!" exclaimed Sheldon. "Now I trust you are capable of fetching me my beverage."

Twilight groaned as she waddled off to the kitchen. Spike had only been gone for less than a minute and it already felt like years.

* * *

The next few hours in the library were uneventful. Fluttershy had left for her cottage, and Pinkie Pie went to babysit for the Cakes' again. Rainbow Dash had abruptly departed, claiming she had to 'go work-out', even though it was the late evening.

Twilight took a sip from her mug of tea, and sighed. Today had been a long day, and she couldn't wait to jump into bed and catch up on some goodnight's sleep. She had just finished her letter to Princess Celestia informing her of recent events, which Spike hastily sent off, allowing her some time to let her mane down and relax.

As the day drew to a close, the last beams of foggy sunlight disappeared and a cold breeze seeped through the Library. The building's old wooden frame creaked against the harsh wind, hammering from outside. Dark, gloomy clouds roared in the murky night, showering Equestria with a barrage of rainfall, while the moon's surreal glow, illuminated Ponyville's empty streets and alleyways.

Spike had already retired to his bed, leaving Twilight and Sheldon by themselves. He could hear the pair conversing, across the room. It sounded like an argument, but he was too tired to intervene.

"You keep saying that, but you haven't pointed out one reason why you can't use it!" accused Twilight. She had offered Sheldon her own bed to sleep in for the night, but her offer was only met with complaints.

"You can't possibly suggest this a viable vessel, efficient and effective in guiding me to a state of Somnolence."

"But, what's wrong with it? I've slept on it for months, it's perfectly fine!" protested Twilight.

"Given it’s dimensions I have no intention of living out E.M. Snickering’s beloved children’s book , 'The Tall Man From Cornwall'."

Twilight tilted her head sideways and raised an eye, suggesting she wasn't familiar with the book.

"Urgh, unbelievable," snarled Sheldon. He hopped onto Twilight's bed then shifted his body to face the unicorn. "There was a tall man from Cornwall whose length exceeded his bed. My body fits on it, but barely upon it, there’s no room for my big Cornish head," he quoted, gesturing towards his head which hung over the edge of the pillow.

"Oh of course! How silly of me, I'm so sorry!" Twilight blushed. "I'll fix this now, hang on."

Twilight clenched her eyes shut, in concentration. Her face appeared strained and she gritted her teeth. Her horn became engulfed in purple light, as did the bed. Sheldon could feel the mattress begin to vibrate, as the purple aura grew even brighter, pulling on the sides, and drastically increasing the length and width of the bed.

"Dear lord..." bemused the physicist, under his breath. Sheldon had never witnessed such a scientific impossibility before in his life. He knew this hardly mirrored actual reality but the magic did look believably vivid.

Twilight used her magic to levitate a blanket towards Sheldon, which she wrapped around him tenderly. Sheldon gladly welcomed the warmth, and pulled it tighter, encasing himself like a cocoon. "Thank you, purple horse," he remarked.

"Please, call me Twilight," she smiled. "And don't thank me. It was my pleasure Mr theoretical physicist."

"Call me Sheldon," he remarked, with a yawn. His senses already succumbing to the realm of slumber.

"Sheldon? That's a nice name..." added Twilight, softly.

"It's a better name than Twilight," scoffed Sheldon.

Twilight giggled a bit louder than she intended to.

This one will certainly give Rainbow Dash some stiff competition in the 'boasting department'

After double checking to make sure the creature had everything he needed, the unicorn began to make her way out the room, before a voice stopped her.

"Twilight?"

The unicorn spun around and returned to the side of the bed. "Yes, Sheldon?" she replied.

"Will you sing me 'Soft Kitty'?"

"Soft Kitty?" questioned Twilight. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean."

"It's a song my mother sang to me when I was sick," admitted Sheldon.

"You're sick?" gasped Twilight, as she levitated a notebook and quill over to her hooves. "Tell me, what are the symptoms? I might be able to help, I know a lot of healing magic."

"I'm homesick..." admitted Sheldon.

"Oh, I see..." Twilight sighed. "I'm sorry, this must be very hard for you, being away from home and all that. I felt the exact same way after Princess Celestia made me move to Ponyville. She sent me here to study friendship, which at the time, sounded pretty absurd to me, but once I'd experienced i-"

"You're right; friendship is ludicrous and completely irrational. I'm glad someone finally agrees with me."

Twilight frowned, but she decided to drop the subject. It was getting late and the last thing she needed was another argument with Sheldon. " Anyway, I'm sure once I explain your situation to Princess Celestia she will definitely help you, but until then there isn't much else I can do for you, I'm sorry."

"You could sing 'Soft Kitty' to me," suggested Sheldon.

"Come on Sheldon, you know I don't know 'Soft Kitty'... and I'm not much of a singer either," explained Twilight.

"I'll teach you," proposed Sheldon.

* * *

"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur."

"Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr."

* * *

"How was that, did I do it right?"

"Mmhmm," mumbled Sheldon, into his pillow.

Twilight sat at the edge of her bed, smiling at Sheldon. There was something captivating about watching him lie there. Maybe it's because he's a different species, unlike anything she'd ever seen before. Or maybe it was something else...

The room fell into a tranquil silence. The only sound that could be heard was a light cool breeze blowing along the edge of the window. Brown, autumn leaves danced across the sky, the fierce wind propelling them towards the heavens with no real direction or purpose. Small stars glistened beautifully in the distance, teasing all who dwell below with a glimpse of the galaxy.

The blissful stillness was abruptly interrupted by Sheldon.

"Okay, I'm sleepy now. Get out."

Twilight snapped back to reality. "Oh, of course, sorry," she replied sheepishly. "Goodnight Sheldon."

* * *

A thunderous barrage of deafening knocks emitted from the library's front door. Either Equestria was under attack, or somepony really wanted to borrow a book, badly.

"Urgh," groaned an exasperated unicorn. She craned her stiff neck upwards and looked at her alarm clock. Her eyes were tired and her vision, distorted but she could make out the digits. "Six AM? Who the hay knocks somepony's door at six in the morning!?"

Unfortunately for her, the aforementioned question was answered a moment later.

"Celestia's Royal Guard! If you do not open this door, we will have no choice but to break it down and force our way in ourselves!"

"Oh no..." gulped an anxious Twilight.

She looked like a mess. Her mane was unkempt, strands stuck out at every angle. Gigantic colossal bags hung under her eyes, and she needed to take a shower. With Sheldon claiming her bed last night, she decided to sleep on the floor, in the library's main chamber. It wasn't a pleasant experience, she was either too hot, lying next to the fireplace, or too cold, having shifted too far away. When she did finally get some sleep, it was rudely interrupted by this.

Twilight sluggishly threw her blanket aside and stumbled around, looking for a hairbrush. She had to at least make herself look presentable.

"We know you're in there! Open the door, or we will force our way through!"

Twilight was so concerned about combing her mane, she hadn't noticed Sheldon standing in the kitchen, sipping tea from one of her mugs.

"Are you gonna get that?" he queried.

Twilight squinted her eyes at the physicist. "How long have you been awake?"

"About an hour," admitted Sheldon. "My bowels tend to move at around five AM."

Twilight's cheeks flushed a rosy red when she realized he must have saw her spread out uncomfortably on the floor, on his way to the kitchen.

"Do you have any cereal?" inquired Sheldon.

Before she could answer, the library door was flung off it's hinges with a massive *BANG*. Twilight flinched in fear, and an audible scream could be heard upstairs, from Spike.

Sheldon remained motion-less and merely glanced as two Royal Guards came rushing into the tree house.

"Dr Sheldon Cooper?" asked a white, unicorn guard adorned in a shiny gold chest-plate. His piercing gaze locked directly onto Sheldon.

"Who's asking?" taunted Sheldon.

"Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. They've personally requested you're presence at Canterlot Castle. There's a chariot waiting for you outside, ready to take off immediately," explained the guard.

"You want me to leave? I can't leave, I haven't had my daily fibre requirements," protested Sheldon.

An incredibly bewildered Twilight spoke up. "Wait, hold up. How did you know his name? Did the Princesses know about this all along?"

The other black, muscular guard stepped forwards and eyed Twilight. "You are... Twilight Sparkle, correct?"

"Yes?" Twilight answered, hesitantly.

"Good. The Princess has also requested that you and your friends be present."

"Oh... I uh- okay. I guess I can't turn down the Princess. I'll go gather them all and we'll meet you outside," she declared.

"As you wish, Miss Sparkle," affirmed the guard, as he stepped aside to let the purple unicorn pass through the entrance.

"Dr Sheldon Cooper, shouldn't you be getting ready? We will be leaving shortly," pointed out, the other guard.

Sheldon frowned. "Excuse me? At what point did I give any indication whatsoever that I would accompany you and your 'Princess' to 'Canterlot Castle'?

"With all due respect Dr Sheldon Cooper, you don't have a choice her-"

"It's your word against mine, I'll see you in court!" interrupted Sheldon, as he ran upstairs.

The guards exchanged glances and sighed.

It was going to be a long day...

The Necessary Congruence

"So, is he coming or what? We've been waiting out here for ages and it's starting to get cold!" snarled an agitated Rainbow Dash.

Twilight had already gathered all of her friends, whom were patiently waiting in the chariot for a certain theoretical physicist who had not yet left the library.

"Maybe I should go talk to him?" suggested Twilight. "The Royal Guards were pretty intimidating... he's probably scared."

"Darling, don't be ridiculous!" protested Rarity, from the backseat of the chariot. "Yes, Royal Guards are assertive, strong, powerful and very handsome..." she trailed off, drool forming in the corners of her mouth.

"Uh, Rarity, you still with us?" asked Applejack.

"I, uh-what?" stammered Rarity, having snapped back to reality. Her cheeks reddened, and her eyes darted around, frantically. "Yes, well hmm... My original point was; guards are supposed to act tough. It's all part of the job, but deep down inside, I bet they're all big softies."

"I hope so..." sighed Twilight.

After a few tediously long minutes, two irritated Royal Guards shamefully stumbled out of the tree house in defeat.
They approached the chariot and slowly shook their heads, signifying to the group that they've been unsuccessful.

"Okay, that's it!" announced Rainbow Dash. "I'm not waiting around any longer, I'll go in there and drag him out myself!" She flared her wings and leaped into the air, only to be pulled back down a second later by a pair of teeth clamped on her tail.

"No Rainbow," stated Applejack in a mumbled voice before she spat her friend's tail out her mouth. "We jus' need somepony to go talk to him. If anypony can convince him, I'd put mah money on Twi'."

Twilight's ears perked up at her name being mentioned.

"Pfft fine, if you say so," grunted Rainbow Dash.

"Don't worry girls. I'm sure I'll get him out," vowed Twilight, as she stepped out the chariot.

"Good luck," one of the Royal Guards chimed in. "That guy is impossible..."

Before Twilight could reply, Sheldon poked his head through the window upstairs. "I can't be impossible, I exist! I believe what you meant to say is 'Good luck, that guy is improbable'."

The two Royal Guards glanced down at the hard, stone path and sighed.

Twilight awkwardly shuffled between them and trotted towards the front door. She entered the library and called for Sheldon upstairs.

"Sheldon? Please come down, it's Twilight, I just want to talk to you," she pleaded.

"Unless you have an illusive roommate whom I haven't been acquainted with, who also possesses the same name as I, then I'm going to assume your directing your voice upstairs as an attempt to communicate with me," replied Sheldon.

Twilight spun around and noticed Sheldon standing in the kitchen, holding one of her favorite mugs.

"Sheldon!" Twilight exclaimed as she galloped towards him. "Listen, I need to talk to you."

"Well, I would prefer that you didn't but I won't go so far as to forbid it."

Twilight paused for a few seconds."...Okay, as I was saying-"

"I made tea," interrupted Sheldon, holding up Twilight's mug.

"Thank you, but I don't want tea," responded Twilight. She was getting slightly irritated now.

"I didn't make tea for you; this is my tea," stated Sheldon.

Twilight groaned in annoyance, "Then why are you telling me?"

"It's a conversation starter," admitted Sheldon.

"That's a lousy conversation starter," she sneered.

"Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate," retorted Sheldon.

Twilight wedged a hoof in her mouth and screamed at the top of her lungs. She hated it when ponies used logic against her, that was her job.

"You seem angry," observed Sheldon. "Are you angry?"

"Of course not, why would I be angry? I'm perfectly fine, can't you tell?" replied Twilight, sarcastically.

"Oh, that's good news. I'm glad."

Twilight gritted her teeth and groaned. "For Celestia's sake, Sheldon, what do I have to do? Hold up a 'sarcasm sign'?"

"You have a sarcasm sign?" inquired Sheldon.

"I WAS BEING SARCASTIC SHELDON! Yes, I'm angry! More specifically I'm angry with you!" shrieked Twilight.

Sheldon frowned, as he took a step back. "Why, what have I done? You said you wanted to engage in conversation so we engaged in conversation," recalled Sheldon.

Twilight let out a long sigh, not of anger, but of remorse. "I'm sorry Sheldon..." she conceded. "I acted like a jerk."

"You did," agreed Sheldon.

Twilight was about to dispute that claim, but decided against it. They'd already been here long enough, and she didn't have the time or patience to survive another agonizing quarrel with Sheldon.

"Listen, Sheldon. We really need to leave, I don't know what the guards said to you while I was outside but you need to understand that this is really important. Princess Celestia is the ruler of Equestria, you can't just turn her down."

"I already have," Sheldon concluded.

Before Twilight could protest, Applejack galloped into the room, her eyes open wide and her nervous smile etched with concern.

"Ya'll might wanna hurry it up a little," she suggested. "That crowd from yesterday is back and they're mighty curious bout' our newest visitor!"

"Oh no, I knew they wouldn't give up so easily," panicked Twilight.

"Crowd? Is it a large crowd?" queried Sheldon.

"Ah don't know sugarcube, what would you count as a large crowd?"

"Any crowd large enough to trample me. Rule of thumb is 35 adults or 70 children," explained Sheldon.

"We don't have time for this, we need to leave now!" announced Twilight.

"I thought I made my intentions clear earlier, I'm not going anywhere," Sheldon argued.

"Urgh, Applejack, help me out here!" pleaded Twilight.

Applejack cleared her throat and smirked, "Sheldon! You stop your dilly-dallin' right now and get on the chariot this instant!"

"But mom, that's not fair!" reasoned Sheldon. "The bible clearly states that Jesus died to forgive humanity's sins, one of which was the deficiency of free will; a freedom which I'm currently utilizing to circumvent this unwarranted visit."

"Interesting..." noted Twilight. She hadn't asked him about his species' history before, but it sounded pretty gruesome.

"Sheldon, don't make me ask you again," cautioned Applejack.

Sheldon refused to make eye contact, and instead stared at the ground. "But mom, I don't wanna..."

"Sheldon, if you don't leave with us right now, Ah swear, you're gonna be grounded for a month!"

Sheldon lifted his head in disbelief. A month? Even by Texas standards that's cold... Hopefully this didn't apply to real life too.

"Fine," he finally conceded, "Just let me just grab something real quick." Sheldon swiftly made his way upstairs before descending down a few moment later, his Alienware Laptop wrapped cozily under his left arm.

* * *

Sheldon and the two ponies made it to the chariot just in time. The incited crowd was even more determined than yesterday, flinging empty bottles and small stones at the guards, who were very much struggling to keep order. The mob's ringleader had also returned. The light-green unicorn sported a steel helmet upon her head, the same helmet worn by Royal Guards.

She probably expected it to make her look intimidating, but the over-sized headgear hung awkwardly over the side of her face, making her look rather silly. The helmet also had a small label suspended on the side which displayed a price-tag, making it obvious she bought it from a gift-shop in Canterlot, and that she didn't loot it off a guard she'd defeated.

The two stallions defending the library looked incredibly relived to see Twilight step into the chariot, alongside Sheldon. They backed away from the crowd slowly, spears pointed upright, prepared for any surprise attack. Once they'd achieved a considerable distance between the offending ponies, they promptly spun around and hastily climbed aboard.

As the chariot ascended into the sky, Sheldon shifted his gaze down to the massive group of ponies they had left down below. All their eyes were locked on him, they were practically begging him to do something or say something. Anything!

Feeling this was an appropriate time, Sheldon raised his palm and performed the iconic 'Vulcan Salute' used by Mr Spock from Star Trek.

"Live Long and Prosper" he whispered, as the gathering of ponies slowly disappeared into the distance.

* * *

"Dear lord, this is absolutely ridiculous!" complained Sheldon.

"Urgh, yes. We know! We don't have 'Wi-Fi' here in Equestria, shut up about it already!" snapped Rainbow Dash.

"Shut up? You can't expect me to shut up about it, how am I going to update my blog? How am I going to tweet? Who knows, maybe Stephen Hawking has sent me a friend request over Facebook and I'm rendered unable to accept it!"

"Stephen Hawking, who's that?" asked Twilight.

Sheldon ignored her and continued his rant. "Think of all the unread emails I have from the University! Think of all the raid invites I have on World of Warcraft!" he bawled. "How am I going to check my messages? You have to check your messages! The leaving of a message is one half of a social contract, which is completed by the checking of the message! If that contract breaks down, then all social contracts break down, and we descend into anarchy!"

The chariot descended into silence. Nobody had anything to say, nor did they really feel like talking to Sheldon. Well almost everyone, that is.

"Sooooooo... can I have a go on your 'button-tappy rectangle screen toy thingy'?"

"It's not a toy, it's an Alienware M17 x Gaming laptop," corrected Sheldon, frowning at the pink pony.

"A-alienware... aliens?" Fluttershy whispered from the back, her face embodied with fear.

"I already know that you silly filly, 'button-tappy rectangle screen toy thingy' sounds much cooler though right!?" beamed Pinkie.

"No it does not sound 'cooler' and calling it a toy is an incorrect statement, stop it."

"Okay sheesh no need to get all mopey-dopey-frowny-wowny about it, can I still have a go?" asked Pinkie, excitedly.

Sheldon looked down at his prized laptop sitting upon his lap. The red, metallic finish shimmered, delightfully in the early morning sunshine. He would usually never give anyone other than himself the satisfaction of using his beloved gaming laptop. Not even Leonard is permitted to touch it without Sheldon's permission and a 'Grant of access' letter being sent and approved three days in advance.

"Fine, but if I find so much a scratch on it... mark my words, such an act of injustice will be met with swift and cruel ferocity. It will be time to cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war," he threatened, as he slowly passed his treasured laptop over to the Pink pony.

"Okay, Sheldon. This needs to stop," began Twilight. "We're on our way to see the two rulers of Equestria, not many ponies get that privilege and I need you to be on your best behavior."

"I didn't willingly agree to accompany you, nor do I take any pleasure in doing so. The only one who should feel privileged here, should be your 'Princess'," replied Sheldon.

Twilight frowned, whilst the guards aboard the chariot eyed each other, curiously.

"Speaking of Princesses..." began Sheldon, once more. "I just remembered, I downloaded an Emulator with The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time last week."

"Oh goody!" he remarked as he snatched his laptop back from Pinkie's clutches.

"The legend of... what?" questioned Rainbow Dash.

"The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time," explained Sheldon. "It's an action-adventure game with role-playing and puzzle elements. It was originally developed for the Nintendo 64 but with the Emulator I can play it on my..." he trailed off.

"Why is my screen blue? What did you do?" accused Sheldon.

"I dunno, I was just messing around then that thing just popped up outta nowhere!" recalled Pinkie.

"Messing around? Define 'Messing around' to me, what did you do?" asked Sheldon, cautiously. He was on the verge of a mental breakdown

"Hmm, let me think..." Pinkie pondered. "I used the clicker to move all the little icons around on the main screen thingy, I drew a bunch of cool wacky faces on the notepad doodle... Oh, that's it! And I deleted System 32," she declared proudly.

Sheldon flinched. He had a sudden unexpected urge to slowly and painfully murder horses.

The Royalty Recurrence

A long, uncomfortable silence loomed over the group. All eyes were on Sheldon, the six ponies knew all too well how much the physicist valued the object. Everypony aboard the chariot was starting to feel nervous and even Rainbow Dash discreetly shuffled a little closer to the guards, in fear that Sheldon might take his anger out on her.

Sheldon remained quiet, as if trying to appear calm. He would have succeeded if it wasn't for his rapidly twitching eyes and the violent tremors in his hands.

The chariot remained quiet, not a single word was spoken.

"Hey! You get all twitchy-witchy too!" remarked Pinkie, finally breaking the terrifying silence. "Well you see, I have this super cool thing called 'Pinkie Sense',which basically let's me--"

Sheldon lunged forwards and delivered a swift karate chop to the side of Pinkie's neck.

"PINKIE!" Twilight and Rainbow Dash gasped in unison.

"Ouchie, why did ya do that for Sheldon? That actually hurt," she stated, rubbing the sore spot on her neck.

"I have just dealt a fatal blow to your Carotid Sinus. Your Baroreceptor is now reducing your blood pressure to the point where you will be rapidly losing consciousness within the next few seconds," explained Sheldon, with a smug grin.

As quick as lightening, a white Pegasus guard stood up and aimed his spear directly at Sheldon; who retorted by pulling a Chinese Throwing Star from his pocket and mimicking a Ninja stance.

The ponies were trying their hardest to hold back laughter, but Sheldon looked deadly serious.

"This is an authentic Chinese Throwing Star, and I must warn you. I've seen many people throw them in movies!"

"I don't care what movies you've seen; in Equestria we have laws against assaulting civilians. Laws that are punishable, if not heeded," replied the guard, sternly, his spear still dangling inches from Sheldon's face.

"You can hardly justify me breaking any laws, the only laws being broken here are the laws of physics," accused Sheldon, gesturing towards the chariot which remained at a perfect ninety-degree angle, despite only two flying ponies pulling it from the front.

"Dr Sheldon Cooper, I'm gonna give you one chance to put your weapon down, or I will forcefully remove it from you."

Sheldon snorted in response. "I'm going to give you one chance to put your weapon down, or I will contact your superiors, who will 'forcefully remove' your title, position and credibility, as retribution for violently harassing an innocent, tax paying citizen."

The guard tilted his head sideways, he wasn't sure if the physicist was joking or if he was actually this stupid. Maybe he was crazy; if that's the case he belonged in an asylum, not the Princess' throne room. He'd given the creature enough chances to surrender anyway; it was time for drastic measures to be taken.

The guard edged his spear closer, and advanced on Sheldon.

Sheldon's face fell ashen and he flinched. He was actually getting assaulted by a government-funded, self proclaimed 'peace keeper'. Once he regains internet access the first thing he's doing is sending the details of this encounter to Wiki-Leaks. Once the world learns of this misconducted behavior, that guard's short career will be devastated.

Before the Royal Guard could take any significant action, an expanding purple light appeared in front of the physicist, which suddenly surged; revealing a lavender unicorn.

"Please, hear me out!" she pleaded, waving her hooves around frantically. "I know what Sheldon did was wrong, but he has been personally requested by the Princess. Yes, I know, he's obviously a little crazy, but-"

"I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested," interrupted Sheldon.

Twilight rolled her eyes and continued. "But I don't think he meant to hurt anypony purposely, he wasn't hostile when we found him, and he's clearly intelligent and capable of rational thought. His outburst earlier was probably blind rage, I'd imagine the item Pinkie damaged had some sentimental value."

"Not really, it's just really expensive," added Sheldon.

"You're not helping our case Sheldon, I'm on your side here," scolded Twilight.

The guard lowered his head and squinted his eyes, deep in thought.

"Please, just let me take care of this, I'll tell Princess Celestia about the whole incident later. She'll know what to do," reassured Twilight, with the biggest exaggerated smile she could muster.

"Fine," conceded the guard. "Who am I to question the Princess' judgement?"

Twilight released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. A contented smile found it's way onto her face, as she turned around to face Sheldon.

"Now, Sheldon. Put your Chinese Sta-"

"Chinese Throwing Star," he corrected.

Twilight ignored him and repeated herself, "Put your Chinese Star away, please."

"Chinese Throwing Star," corrected Sheldon, once again. "It's such a simple thing to say, why are you unable to summon forth the mental capacity to do so?"

Twilight groaned, and stomped a hoof on the floor, irritably. "I don't care what it's called Sheldon, just put it away!"

"How am I supposed to know what you're asking me to put away, if you're not going to refer to it using it's proper title," argued Sheldon.

Twilight gritted her teeth. She was so close to retracting her previous statement and letting the guard subdue him.

"Will. You. Please. Put. The. Chinese Throwing Star. Away. Sheldon?" uttered, Twilight.

"I most certainly shall, thank you for asking so nicely," Sheldon complied, slipping his peculiar weapon back into his pocket.

Twilight let out a sigh of relief and used her hoof to wipe a bead of sweat off her forehead.

"Darling, If I may inquire... why would you carry around such a bizarre weapon in the first place?" asked Rarity.

"A group of Asian college students live on the opposite end of my street," replied Sheldon.

"And... how exactly is this related?"

"I'm convinced they're ninjas, they always watch me through their window when I leave the building. Leonard thinks I'm paranoid, but he'll come crying back to me when they decide to attack," he explained. "I carry the Chinese Throwing Star whenever I leave the apartment to blend in. It's a disguise, so they think I'm part of their clan."

"Ah... I see," bemused Rarity. She didn't understand anything Sheldon just said, so she decided to drop the subject.

"What's a 'ninja'? Ah haven't heard of anythin' like that before," inquired Applejack.

"Yes, but you live in Texas mom. You haven't heard of a lot of things."

"Ninjas! Where!? We need to be on our guard!" Pinkie interjected out of nowhere, pulling a pair of nunchucks from thin air and waving them around defensively.

Sheldon frowned, as his gaze landed on the pink pony. "You should be unconscious right now, why aren't you unconscious?"

"I dunno," shrugged Pinkie.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy quietly giggled amongst themselves at the prospect of Pinkie actually being unconscious. Both of them agreed it probably isn't possible.

* * *

The rest of the journey was uneventful, aside from Twilight occasionally freaking out at the thought of being late. The chariot glided effortlessly across the rampant gusts of wind above Canterlot, like a knife through butter. It came to a halt above the lush vegetation of the Royal Garden.

The courtyard was beautifully decorated with exquisite rows of exotic flowers and superbly crafted statues. The sunlight glistened, stunningly off a gold-encrusted fountain, which stood idly at the center, sprinkling the surrounding foliage with tiny, droplets of water.

The chariot descended gracefully and parked itself on an immaculately tinted stone pathway, next to a cluster of bushes bedecked with wild berries. None other than Prince Shining Armour was there to greet them. He stood vigilantly, his eyes scanned the area for any signs of trouble. He watched the group attentively as they exited their transport, but his face melted into a warm smile as soon as he saw his little sister.

"Twily!" he beamed, a grin plastered over the rough exterior of his face.

Twilight ran up to her brother and hugged him affectionately, to which the stallion kindly returned the gesture. The platoon of guards accompanying Shining Armour, chuckled and whispered among themselves. Their captain was a stone-cold hardass most of the time, but whenever family was involved he melted like ice-cream on a warm summer day.

The two guards from the chariot escorted Sheldon over to Shining Armour to make the necessary introductions. The stallion stood proudly, one hoof around his little sister, and another balancing his spear against his chest.

"Greetings Dr Cooper, my name's Shining Armour," he asserted. "I've been sent by the Princess to welcome you."

"Shining Armour? That's an interesting name, are you a cleaner by trade?" questioned Sheldon.

"Uh-"

"Is it true that cleaners are among the lowest paid salaries in the united states?"

"He's not a cleaner Sheldon, he's Captain of the Royal Guard," addressed Twilight.

"Oh... I see," bemused Sheldon. "Well then, we have a lot to talk about, regarding an unlawful guard that accompanied me on my journey here."

Shining glanced down at Twilight, who was beginning to look uncomfortable as soon as Sheldon mentioned the subject. She wished she'd kept her mouth shut about her brother's job.

"I'm listening," stated Shining.

* * *

"And then he pointed a spear towards my face, and threatened me!" asserted Sheldon.

"Yes Dr Cooper, I know. But you physically assaulted a civilian. My Guard was just doing his job, nothing less is expected of him."

Sheldon folded his arms and snorted in annoyance, "This is ridiculous."

"No, Dr Cooper, it's not. I'm sorry, but I have to decline your request to strip him of his rank and throw him in the dungeons."

"Very well," began Sheldon. "Can you at least refer me to a rogue ex-guard?"

Shining Armour merely glared in confusion, "What?"

"You know, one who was drummed off the force because he refused to play by the rules, and now he hires himself out to impose his own brand of rough justice?"

"No... Dr Cooper, what are you suggesting here?" he questioned, cautiously.

"Nevermind, I'll explain later. It's too early in the morning for excessive social interaction."

"If you say so," Shining commented, as he led the group towards the Castle.

* * *

Sheldon had to admit, the interior of the castle was far superior to outside. He was in a long hallway, beautifully decorated with massive colorful, glass windows. Each one depicting a pony performing an heroic feat. It reminded him of the windows he used to see at church with his mom, in his childhood. Actually, that would explain a lot of things. His subconscious truly is a diverse place.

The group stopped in front of a huge wooden door. Twilight looked extremely nervous, she was practically shaking. She let out an audible gulp, then directed her attention to Sheldon.

"Right, this is it. Behind this door are the Princesses, the rulers of all Equestria. Please, please, please promise me you'll be on your best behavior!"

"I'm always on my best behavior," replied Sheldon.

Twilight stared at Sheldon with pleading eyes.

"Fine... I promise to be on my best behavior," he conceded.

"Thanks Sheldon." Twilight gave Sheldon a small, friendly nuzzle before stepping aside as the Royal Guards used their magic to open the door.

Sheldon was greeted by a huge, spacious room. The two reigning oligarchs resided at the opposite end of the chamber. One sat comfortably upon her throne, the other stood close by, gazing down at the group as they approached.

The white alicorn stood up from her throne and dismissed the guards, before directing her notice to the arrivals.

"Greetings my little ponies. It's good to see you once again."

"The honor is ours, Princess Celestia" Twilight smiled.

"Likewise, my faithful student."

Celestia then shifted her gaze towards Sheldon. "I take it this is our esteemed guest? Dr Sheldon Cooper, we are humbled and grateful for your presence in our fair kingdom of Equestria."

Princess Luna stepped forward, alongside her sister and addressed Sheldon.

"THY HAST SHOWN US GREAT KINDNESS AND WE ARE THANKFUL THOU AGREES TO HELP US."

All the ponies stared at Sheldon in utter bewilderment. He had a meeting with the Princesses, prior to the one taking place now? And he's agreed to help them with something? When did this happen?

Sheldon just noticed, literally everyone in the room was staring at him. Had someone asked him a question? He didn't think so.They were obviously waiting for him to do something, so he spoke the only thing that was on his mind.

"Wow, that's a big horse."

The Oblivious Obligation

Twilight gasped, while the rest of the group shifted uneasily. Nobody had ever spoken so disrespectfully of the Princess before, especially while she's present.

Twilight started hyperventilating, this was bad. Really bad. Princess Celestia would banish Sheldon to the moon, and probably her too! She would cease her studies and be cast out from society. She would live the rest of her life as a lonely hermit. She should have known better. She had been solely responsible for Sheldon since she found him. She had nobody to blame but herself.

"P-princess... I-I'm so sorry, I told him to be on his best behavior, I did! I promise, please, please don't punish him... It's my fault. I should have taught him better," wailed Twilight, desperately.

Celestia merely chuckled. "It's quite alright, my student."

Twilight gulped and bit her lip. "Y-you're not going to send me b-back to magic kindergarten?"

Celestia's chuckle turned into a full blown laugh, which was shortly joined by her sister and the rest of Twilight's pony friends.
"Magic kindergarten? My faithful student, what ever has possessed you to think such a ridiculous thing?"

"I..." began Twilight. "I don't know, sorry Princess," she blushed and grinned sheepishly. She quietly sighed and released a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"You have nothing to apologize for Twilight. Tell me, how was the journey? You arrived much later than I expected, I hope there wasn't any trouble," Celestia inquired.

"There were a few... issues with Sheldon, nothing major though! We just lost track of time..."

"Issues?" Celestia repeated. She directed her gaze towards Sheldon, who had been surprisingly quiet during the conversation.

Sheldon noticed the white horse staring at him and gave an honest answer.

"Nothing happened, I just really didn't wanna come."

Twilight had been subtly motioning Sheldon to shut up but she proved unsuccessful as Sheldon continued his rant.

"If it was up to me, I wouldn't even be here right now. I was unfairly shoehorned into this by my mother, but against my better judgement, I agreed, because a crowd of rowdy, hipster punks were rebelling against society outside my temporary residence, and it was making me feel uncomfortable."

The room fell silent. Everyone in the room was once again, glancing at Sheldon. Even the Princesses were at a loss for words.

"I was expecting applause but I suppose stunned silence is equally appropriate," proclaimed Sheldon.

Twilight whimpered. He's not just making himself look bad in front of the Princesses. He's making her look bad in front of the Princesses. This has to end.

"Sheldon! Please for the love of Celestia, start using your brain and think before you talk!"

Celestia smirked. She always found it amusing when ponies would use her name in different contexts, good or bad.

"Think before I talk?" Sheldon began. "I'll have you know that my sharply-worded comments on Yelp.com recently took down a muffin store."

"What does that even mean!?" argued Twilight.

"It means I-"

"SILENCE!"

Sheldon and Twilight immediately shut up and turned around, along with everyone else, to the source of the overwhelming voice. Unsurprisingly, Princess Luna stood firmly upon the ground, sternly watching the previously arguing pair.

"THY HAST COME HERE BECAUSE WE NEED HELP. FIGHTING AMONGST THY SELVES BENEFITS NOPONY."

Twilight was shaking and her legs were starting to feel numb. She had just gotten scolded by the Princess. The Princess!
She's going to get banished from Equestria, she knows it.

Applejack noticed tears welling up in the corner of Twilight's eyes, and gently wrapped a hoof around her side and pulled her close.

With no one daring to question the Princess, Sheldon cleared his throat and addressed the odd Shakespearean blue horse.

"If you hadn't so rudely, interrupted me earlier. You'd have been less ignorant to the fact that, I, wasn't arguing. I was rationalizing, it's a completely different word, which completely justifies my behavior and renders your dispute, null and void, which by way I'd like to point out, is complet-"

"SILENCE!"

Sheldon was about to retort but decided against it. That was one angry horse, and he recalled a program on the Discovery Channel about angry horses, and the powerful kicks they are capable of when provoked. He wasn't sure if it applied to talking imaginary horses, but it's best to be safe.

"WE TAKE GREAT DISPLEASURE IN WATCHING OUR SUBJECTS QUARREL OVER SUCH INSIGNIFICANT AFFAIRS, THERE ARE EVENTS TAKING PLACE RIGHT NOW, FAR BEYOND BOTH OF YOU. A GREAT DARKNESS LOOMS OVER THE HORIZON AND WE NEED TO WORK TOGETHER!"

The group of ponies exchanged worried glances, between one and other. This must be the reason behind the sudden, spontaneous trip to Canterlot on such short notice. There must be a threat to Equestria, and the Elements of Harmony are needed once more. But there's still one crucial, missing piece of the puzzle... How is Sheldon, involved in all of this?

"Okay, there seems to be a misunderstanding here..." Sheldon began. "I'm not one of your 'subjects'. I didn't really think it required explanation, but I guess I've been proven wrong. In case my bodily features and intelligence didn't give it away, I'm not a horse, and I don't answer to you."

Princess Luna was about to reply, but Celestia spoke up, instead.

"As long as you reside in my land, you are one of my many subjects. With all the benefits and responsibilities that comes with it."

"Unbelievable..." muttered Sheldon, under his breath. "Here I always thought if I were enslaved, it would be by an advanced alien species from another planet, not some hotsie-totsie fictional unicorn that lives inside my head."

Celestia eyed Sheldon quizzically, she found herself deeply intrigued by the physicist's last few words. Does he not believe this is real? Perhaps he refuses to come to terms with what seems unnatural or even not possible from his own world, is he truly forcing himself to believe this is a realm of fantasy?

Regardless of it's irrelevance to the matter at hand, Celestia decided to pursue it. "Dr Sheldon Cooper, may I ask as to what you meant by 'living inside your head'?"

Sheldon completely blanked Celestia out and began to rant once more. "You know what? I'm not your 'subject', each of you are my subjects. I'm not relinquishing the jurisdiction of my subconscious mind, to random multicolored equines!"

Twilight's face was bright red. Some of it was from embarrassment, some of it was from anger. Who does he think he is, to just waltz right into the throne room and start making demands of the Princesses? She expected the worst before she even brought Sheldon to meet the two reigning rulers, but this...

She could have never imagined how bad this was going to get. This entire meeting was a disaster.

"Sheldon! Be quiet! You DO NOT be rude and disrespectful towards the Princesses, and you most certainly DO NOT make demands!"

Sheldon ignored Twilight and continued his rant. "I hereby dub this land, Sheldonopolis! And in doing so, comes the founding of, The Church of Sheldon! Each of you will be required to attend the services every Sunday. There will be cake and sandwiches, and comfortable leather chairs."

Princess Luna was staring daggers, directly at Sheldon, while her sister remained calm and unfazed by the physicist's outburst.

"Is all that understood? I am your ruler! Now, your king is thirsty. I command you to fetch him a hot beverage," ordered Sheldon.

Much to her sister's surprise, and pretty much everyone else in the room; Celestia used her magic to create a small mug of tea and levitated it over to Sheldon.

Sheldon held the mug close to his face and examined it thoroughly. "Loose, not bagged?"

"Yes," answered Celestia, calmly.

"Steeped three minutes?"

"Yes."

" Two-percent milk?"

"Yes."

"Warmed separately?"

"Yes."

"One teaspoon sugar?"

"Yes."

"Raw sugar?"

"Yes."

"Wow, well done," praised Sheldon. "Not many people get it right first time, I'm impressed."

Sheldon held the mug to his mouth and took a long sip. "Mmm... this tea is certainly up to my standard of satisfactory. Did you know tea originated from Northeast India and Southwest China? It became widely popular during the Tang Dynasty, where it was spread to Korea and..."

Sheldon trailed off. He had become very, very tired all of a sudden. He looked down towards the tea, then back towards Celestia, the realization suddenly dawned upon him.

"Y-you... drugged the tea... " he muttered, his legs becoming wobbly and his eyes unable to focus.

Celestia simply wore her usual calm, unreadable expression.

"Don't t-think this is over horse... you've chosen to tangle with a superior intellect you can’t defeat. If it's war you w-want... then it's war you will have!"

Soon after Sheldon finished his eyes rolled to the back of his head; he dropped the mug and collapsed on the floor.

Twilight and her friends stared at the Princess in bewilderment. They had never seen her do anything like that before!
Even Princess Luna gazed at her sister cautiously.

Noticing everyone staring at her, Princess Celestia decided an explanation was in order. "I'm sorry you had to see that my little ponies. Me and my sister called you here because Equestria is indeed in peril, and the Elements are needed once more. Don't worry about Dr Sheldon Cooper, I gave him a very weak magical pacifier; it's harmless and he will be fully conscious and awake within the next few minutes."

Twilight gave a light sigh of relief. She couldn't deny Sheldon absolutely had that coming, but he didn't deserve to die and she wouldn't be able to believe her mentor was capable of murder. There's nothing wrong with incapacitation spells though, she'd studied a few herself and it was a welcome brake to not hear Sheldon's voice, yapping on about something every two minutes.

"Anyway, let me enlighten you on our situation," began Celestia. "Discord as escaped, and he's fled to the Mazorak Caves, up North."

"Mazorak Caves?" Twilight questioned. "I don't remember that in any of my studies..."

"You wouldn't have. Their located in the corner of the Zaros region, Griffin territory," Celestia responded."We don't know how deep the caves go but we do know one thing. Buried somewhere in the caves, is the Ghorrock amulet."

"Ghorrock amulet?" Rarity inquired. "I do simply, love ancient amulets!"

"You won't love this particular amulet," admitted Celestia. "It was buried thousands of years ago for it's own protection, it's an amulet of untold power. Pure, dark chaos, seeps through it's very core, and it's wielder gains access to all of it. The amulet's master gains the ability to corrupt anypony or anything pure, and bring forth their worst fears and inner-demons."

"But... didn't Discord do something similar to this before?" objected Twilight.

"Not to this extent, my student. If Discord utilizes the amulet's power against you, you may never return to your true self. You would be forced to live a life of darkness, forever."

If Twilight and her friends didn't look scared before, they sure did now. Fluttershy was practically shaking, and was close to tears.

"But... how do we fight it? If we aren't ourselves, we can't use the Elements," Twilight fretted.

"That is true my student, that's why you won't be undertaking this task alone," Celestia gestured towards the unconscious physicist on the floor.

"Sheldon? Forgive me Princess, but... how is Sheldon going to help us? He would only slow us down," reasoned Twilight.

"The amulet is very powerful, very powerful indeed. But, it has one fatal flaw. It cannot corrupt, what it believes is already corrupted."

"I'm sorry Princess, I don't follow?" admitted Twilight.

"I figured as much, let me explain. Dr Sheldon Cooper here is, well... For lack of a better term, a stubborn, obsessive, narcissist. Sheldon is a great many things, many of them negative, but at his core he is pure. He has all the chaotic features, but yet. He's not evil. Thus, the amulet cannot affect him. That's why it must be Sheldon, who ultimately destroys the amulet, and allows you girls, to use the Elements of Harmony."

Twilight's eyes shot open at the realization. Of course, it all made sense now. Sheldon must have been summoned to aid Celestia. To assist her and her friends in finally defeating Discord, and to bring Harmony once again to Equestria.
Her mentor needed her, and she knew what to do. She wouldn't disappoint her.

"I understand Princess, you can count on us!"

"Yeah!" everyone beamed enthusiastically, apart from Fluttershy, who was still shaking anxiously.

"I expected nothing less," Celestia smiled.

The attention of everyone in the room was then directed to an unexpected whining, emitting from a slowly awakening physicist.

"Looks like our guest is waking up," Celestia jested. "You girls go get ready, I'll bring Sheldon up to speed."

"Of course, Princess!" assured Twilight. "Come on girls, let's go!" she announced, as she and her friends galloped out of the room.

* * *

"And that's why we need you, Dr Sheldon Cooper. Only you can destroy the sacred amulet, and stop Discord!"

"Uh huh, Sure, sure. Epic quest right? Are you sure you don't want me to stop by Mordor and destroy the One Ring while I'm there, as well? I could do that too," replied Sheldon.

"DR SHELDON COOPER, THY AGREED TO THIS. WE BROUGHT THOU INTO OUR WORLD AND WE EXPECT THY TO HELP US!"

"Well... As you know, the essence of diplomacy is compromise. With that in mind, I propose the following: I will not do any of the things you just said... and you will find a way to be okay with that."

"Dr Sheldon Cooper, please listen to reason. The sooner we resolve this crisis, the sooner you can return to your own world," Celestia insisted.

Sheldon pondered this for a moment. He knew he was unconscious, although the severity of his injury was unknown to him. Who knows how long he's going to be imprisoned in this fantasy land? He's going to get bored sooner or later, it would help to at least have something to do. Who knows? It might be fun! Epic quests are fun in video games and movies, why wouldn't they be fun here?

He took in a deep breath, before giving the answer both sisters had been eagerly awaiting.

"Fine..."

Author's Notes:

I have no idea what this random blank gap is at the end of the chapter.
I'm staring at it disapprovingly and shaking my head, but it's not going away.
Oh well... I tried.

EDIT: Turns out it's gone now. See, kids. If you believe hard enough anything can happen.

The Seductive Setback

"Come on, Sheldon! We've only been walking for five minutes. We aren't even outside Canterlot Square yet!" blurted Twilight.

"Well clearly, I'm too evolved for walking," Sheldon argued.

"Well he's clearly not too evolved for complaining," hissed Rainbow Dash, flying above the group.

Sheldon gazed up at Rainbow Dash and frowned. "You think you’re so clever? Well let me just tell you, while I do not currently have a scornful, sarcastic retort, you check your email periodically for a doozy."

Rainbow Dash stared at Sheldon with a bewildered expression, "My email? What are you even talking about?"

Sheldon paused for a moment, before he realized his mistake. "Ah, of course. My deepest apologies. For a moment there I completely forgot I was talking to domesticated, rainbow colored, farm animal."

Rainbow's nose scrunched up as she shoved her snout into the physicist's face, "What the hay did you just call me!?"

"I called you a horse,"stated Sheldon, dryly. "Although, judging from your physique, you do look more like a Pegasus."

Sheldon paused. "Here's an interesting fact about Pegasi. In Greek Mythology it's believed the hero Bellerophon, captured and enslaved your kind, with the intent of riding you into battle to combat a Chimera."

"What are you tryin' to say? You want to enslave me? I'd like to see you try!" threatened Rainbow Dash, flaring her wings.

Sheldon raised his eyebrow at the Pegasus with a confused expression, "No, I just educated you on Greek Mythology. What part of my previous statement did I mention a devious intent on enslaving you? That would be highly illegal, and we have laws for a reason."

"Whatever pal, you better watch your back," cautioned Rainbow Dash, as she turned around and took to the air once again.

"I don't need to watch my back, Sheldonopolis has a very low crime rate," Sheldon proclaimed.

Twilight sighed deeply from the front of the group, "Sheldon, we've been over this, we're in Equestria. Not 'Sheldonopolis'," she deadpanned.

"You're wrong," asserted Sheldon.

"No, you're wrong!" retorted Twilight.

Sheldon narrowed his eyes and frowned at the purple unicorn, "There is a fine line between wrong and visionary. Unfortunately you have to be a visionary to see it."

"What does that even mean!?" Twilight questioned, hopelessly.

Before Sheldon could respond, a distressed looking Rarity interrupted the conversation, "Um, I apologize for rudely interrupting your little chit chat, but I haven't attended to my dear Opal. I can hardly embark on this journey knowing precious Opalescence hasn't been fed, or more importantly groomed today, at all!"

Twilight gritted her teeth. Today really hadn't gone as planned, "Rarity... why didn't you mention this earlier? This means we have take the train all the way back to Ponyville!"

Rarity pawed at the ground, guiltily. "I'm terribly sorry Twilight, it just completely slipped my mind. I mean, you did come and wake me up at six o'clock in the morning. I simply didn't have time to feed my poor baby; and I most certainly didn't want to keep the Princess waiting."

"Who is Opal?" Sheldon interjected.

"My pet cat," explained the fashionista. "Poor Opalescence..." she trailed off. "Left alone to fend for herself in the boutique, with no food or water. She needs her mommy!"

Upon hearing the word 'cat' Sheldon's face morphed into an odd, almost creepy, goofy grin. "Ohh I love cats, they’re the epitome of indifference."

Rarity flinched slightly looking at Sheldon's face. It had just occurred to her, that she'd never seen Sheldon smile during his time in Equestria. Maybe that terrifying expression was the reason why. Regardless, she was pleased she now had something she could relate with the physicist.

"Well darling, it seems we share some common interests. I have to agree, cats are simply fabulous."

Sheldon nodded his head in agreement, "Cats make wonderful companions. They don't argue, or question my intellectual authority."

Rainbow Dash audibly grunted from the sky. She couldn't help by feel the last part of Sheldon's statement was somehow directed at her.

Rarity smiled with a hint of excitement. She enjoyed socializing and meeting new ponies very much, but every time she'd attempted to make conversation with Sheldon previously he would always seem very distant and uninterested. She felt a wave of pride wash over her, in knowing she had made progress with the strange creature.

"Darling, once this little errand is completed you simply must stop by my boutique, I'll introduce you to Opalescence. I'm sure you'll both get along just fine, she's so precious; I don't know what I'd do without her!"

Sheldon stroked the edge of his chin in contemplation, "Well... I'm not much for social interaction; especially with strangers. I would have to know a bit more about you before I could possibly commit to such a thing."

"Um... I suppose that's fair. Ask away!" That was unexpected but she didn't want to appear rude, and she would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy talking about herself.

Rainbow Dash sighed impatiently from above the group, "C'mon Rare! We have a job to do, we don't have time to play 'twenty questions' with the fur less ape."

Sheldon ignored the blue horse's comment and began his interrogation, "What is you're current profession; and what is you're favorite Amino acid?"

"I uh, well I work at-"

"My favorite is Lysine," interrupted Sheldon.

Rarity gave a small awkward smile before continuing with her previous statement, "Well, like I was saying. I work mostly as a fashion designer and a seamstress in my shop: The Carousel Boutique."

Sheldon narrowed his eyes at the unicorn as his expression turned from one of intrigue to one of disgust, "Oh dear... that's tragic. Here I thought I was talking to my intellectual equal, not a horse that makes dresses."

Rarity stood still, jaw agape. She tried forcing out words but they wouldn't come. She'd dedicated her entire existence towards designing clothing and to have her life's work so rudely dismissed like that, offended her greatly. The white unicorn could feel tears welling up in the corner of her eyes.

It was Fluttershy who eventually broke the silence.
"Rarity is actually good at making dresses... Uhmm, I would know because I'm kind of okay-ish at sewing and I uhh... I'll stop talking now... I'm sorry."

Sheldon couldn't hear a word the stupid yellow horse said, but he noticed Rarity's face etched with sorrow. Had he just accidentally insulted the horse? He didn't think so. He obeyed social protocol and was completely honest.

"Sheldon, do you have any idea how rude that was?" accused Twilight. "Rarity is one of the best fashion designers in Equestria. She's had her designs featured in countless fashion shows, and has many wealthy clients in Canterlot!"

Rarity managed a small smile, although it was hardly noticeable.

The gears in Sheldon's head finally clicked, and he realized the problem. There had been a huge misunderstanding here and he was going to set things straight.

"Ah, I understand the confusion," admitted Sheldon, as he turned to face the distraught Rarity. "I never said that you are not good at what you do. It’s just that what you do is not worth doing."

Sheldon's cheerful condescending smile, probably made that last statement seem infinitely more malicious than it was originally intended.

Rarity's agonized expression didn't change. In fact she looked even more crestfallen than before.

Applejack intervened before the situation got worse, "Ya'll should probably stop talkin' now sugarcube. Ah' realize you're tryin' to make amends, but Ah' don't think it's working."

The group faded into silence.

Twilight's ears perked up, at the distant harmonic sound of a lyre being played in the background. She smiled and gently hummed along to the tune.

Sheldon also noticed the sound and groaned in annoyance, "I dislike the sound of the lyre. Its overuse in classic television sitcoms always makes me think I’m going to experience a flashback from my past."

"It's melody does sound beautiful," admitted Rarity, in between sniffs. "Whoever is playing it must be incredibly talented."

"I second that, it's magnificent!" Twilight agreed, tilting her head to search for the musician responsible.

"It does sound familiar..." pondered Fluttershy.

"It sure does," acknowledged Twilight. "There's only one unicorn in Canterlot that I know of, that's that skilled with the lyre and that's-"

Twilight gulped as her eyes rested on the unicorn playing the instrument.

...Lyra

Lyra was sitting on a nearby bench, eyes glaring directly at Sheldon. Drool formed in the corners of her mouth as she continued playing her haunting melody, eyes wide open and completely still. Her stance and her very essence embodied the word 'creepy' as she sat. Playing her lyre. Watching Sheldon. She didn't even blink. Not even once.

"We need to leave, fast!" Twilight advised.

Lyra's lyre came to an abrupt ear screeching stop, as Twilight announced her intention to depart.

"Well thank god for that. I was beginning to develop symptoms of a migraine, listening to that nonsense," Sheldon exclaimed.

"Ah'm not following, what's the rush Twi?" queried Applejack.

"Lyra was part of that crowd demanding to see Sheldon back at Ponyville," Twilight explained, taking quick short glances at the mint colored unicorn, "I'm fairly sure she was the leader of the mob."

"No kiddin'..." Applejack murmured in disbelief.

"Umm, girls..." Fluttershy squeaked.

"What?" Twilight and Applejack repeated in unison.

Fluttershy was shaking, with her hoof extended out towards the bench Lyra once occupied.

"Where's Lyra?" the shy pegasus stammered.

The entire group minus Sheldon, simultaneously turned to face the bench. The empty bench, which sat calmly a few feet away. The ponies exchanged worried glances.

"We need to go, NOW!" Twilight ordered.

The group started picking up the pace, before eventually turning into an all out sprint for the train station. The entire group, except Sheldon that is.

"If you expect me to chase you, then you've misplaced your expectations, I don't run, nor do I have any intention of doing so."

Twilight groaned under her breath, as she turned around to see Sheldon walking slowly, ages behind the group. "Sheldon you don't have a choice! You're in danger, please run! We don't have time for this!"

Sheldon looked up at the sky meaningfully, as if contemplating the request. He eventually came to a conclusion.

"No."

"Just leave him, Twi," snorted Rainbow Dash. "If Celestia asks what happened, we'll just say he got lost."

"No, Rainbow Dash!" Twilight snapped. "You heard the Princess, we need him!"

"Pfft," Rainbow Dash remarked, as she ran on ahead of the group.

Twilight took a deep breath, before she stopped trotting and turned around to face the physicist, "Sheldon, you will get on this train, and you will start running right now! Because... the train..."

She clenched her eyes closed as she searched her brain for any excuse she could think of.

Sheldon remained motionless, with one eyebrow higher than the other, "Because?"

"Because... the train... has wi-fi! Yep, the train as wi-fi, let's go!" insisted Twilight.

Sheldon frowned, "And how is that going to assist me? You witnessed what the pink demon did to my laptop."

"B-but the Princess told me she fixed it for you, while me and the girls were getting ready," blurted Twilight.

"She installed Windows 8," complained Sheldon.

"So? It works now right!?" Twilight retorted.

"Well, yes. But-"

"SO WHAT IS THE PROBLEM!? JUST COME TO THE TRAIN AND USE THE STUPID WI-FI!"

"Windows 8 is much more user friendly than Windows 7," explained Sheldon.

"AND?" barked Twilight.

"And, I don't like that."

"I DON'T CARE, SHELDON. IT WORKS, PROBLEM SOLVED. NOW GET ON THIS TRAIN OR SO HELP ME CELESTIA I WILL DRAG YOU ON IT MYSELF!"

"Excuse me, but the problem is not solved," retaliated Sheldon. "If your head had been accidentally amputated and I transplanted a dog's head in it's place, would that be 'problem solved'?"

"It would be if it was your head," growled Twilight.

Before Sheldon had a chance to conjure up some verbal retribution, he felt something odd, on both his shoulders.

"Oh no..." uttered Twilight.

Sheldon glanced sideways and noticed a hoof on both his shoulders. A mint colored hoof, on both his shoulders.

"Hi, Sheldon," Lyra whispered into the back of his ears.

Lyra had abandoned her lyre and was now standing on her hindquarters, perked upright, using Sheldon's back for balance.

"Let him go, Lyra!" Twilight ordered.

Lyra ignored her, "How have you been Sheldon? It must be hard being stranded here all alone... I could take care of you."
She pushed her snout forward into Sheldon's hair and inhaled deeply.

"I appreciate the gesture, but I'm a theoretical physicist. I possess eidetic memory and an IQ of 187. I'm sure I'm capable of taking care of myself."

"Lyra, this is your last chance! I'm warning you... let him go," Twilight cautioned.

Once again, Lyra ignored the purple unicorn, "Of course you can take care of yourself, silly me... But, wouldn't it be nice to have a servant. Somepony to do anything you wanted, whenever you wanted it?"

Sheldon contemplated the question. He'd always wanted his own personal servant. He even had money locked away in his bank account, specifically to cover the costs of personal robots, whenever they got invented.

Lyra continued, "I could be that pony," she whispered sensually into Sheldon's ears.

"Lyra if you don't leave right now, I'm calling the guards!" Twilight threatened, once more.

After a moment of thought, Sheldon had come to a decision.

"I accept your proposal."

"WHAT!?" sputtered Twilight.

Lyra breathed a sigh of relief. She was overjoyed he had accepted on her own terms. She would have been so disheartened had he declined her offer. Not that it would have changed much, he would have came back with her one way or the other.

"I promise you Sheldon, I will take really good care of you. I will numb your pain with bliss and ecstasy. I will make your life paradise, as you will mine."

Lyra leaned forward and started kissing the back of Sheldon's neck.

"Dear lord! What do you think you're doing?" an irritated Sheldon demanded, as he shoved the unicorn off himself.

Lyra lost balance and collapsed into a muddy ditch on the floor. She looked up at Sheldon with pleading, tearful eyes.

"But... you said we could be together," she sniffed.

Sheldon ignored the filthy animal lying on the ground and held the back of his neck in discomfort, "I knew I should have had that vaccine last week! Think of all the germs that's just been transmitted! This is bad, really bad. I'm going to die!"

Twilight pushed Sheldon aside to glimpse at the unicorn on the ground. "Let me handle this Sheldon, you run along to the train."

"I can't afford to 'run along'. My body needs all the energy it has to fight the bacteria that's entered my bloodstream."

"Just go to the damn train Sheldon! I'll meet you and the others there in a second," urged Twilight.

"That's highly unlikely, only The Flash would be truly capable of travelling such a distance in a second."

Twilight slowly turned around her head and glared at Sheldon. No words were needed.

"But, I'll make my way there regardless of your incorrect statement," Sheldon quickly conceded. "See you 'in a second'." he remarked as he continued his slow walk to the train station.

Twilight stood tall over the dirty, sobbing pony lying in the mud. She couldn't help but feel bad for her. Lyra was a good pony, she had never acted like this before.

"Why, Lyra? What's gotten into you lately?"

Lyra didn't reply, tears streamed down her face and her eyes stung. She looked down at her own reflection in the mud and sighed.

Twilight waited for a few moments but the unicorn didn't talk.

"Goodbye Lyra," conceded Twilight, but as she turned to leave, a voice stopped her.

"Wait."

Twilight glanced back, "Yes, Lyra?"

"Tell Sheldon, I'm sorry..." she whimpered.

Twilight was silent for a few seconds. She didn't really expect that, but none the less she accepted the request.
"For what it's worth Lyra, I'm sorry too."

Lyra managed a weak smile and nodded her head.

Twilight turned her back and continued her short journey to the train station. She let out a sigh. Today had been a really, really bad day.

* * *

Twilight had finally arrived at the train station, and caught up with her friends.

Hopefully it'll all be smooth sailing from now on.

"You saw the sign, we don't have time! We have to get on this train, there's no other option!"

It seemed Twilight had to hold onto that thought a little longer.

"And let my poor baby Opal starve? Is that honestly what you're suggesting Rainbow Dash!? We are taking the train back to Ponyville and that's that!"

To make matters worse, an irritated looking Sheldon stood at the end of the platform, glaring at Twilight with a disapproving stare, "You said there was wi-fi here, where's the wi-fi? My laptop isn't picking up any wi-fi, why isn't that? You said it would!"

"Urghh, please Sheldon. I'm busy right now, please don't hassle me, please," Twilight begged.

"Did you lie, you lied didn't you!" accused Sheldon. "For what it's worth, my mother says that when we deceive for personal gain, we make Jesus cry."

"Please Sheldon, please stop." Twilight was growing weak.

"Rarity if we don't take this train to Zaros right now, who knows what will happen? Think of all the things Discord could be getting up to while we're wasting time in Ponyville, just to feed a cat for Pete's sake!"

Twilight's vision started to blur and she swayed from side to side, "Please stop arguing everypony... please..."

"Just to feed a cat? JUST TO FEED A CAT? Rainbow you are completely heartless, what if it was Tank in this situation?"

"Please..." murmured Twilight, helplessly.

"Hey! I know how to settle this argument," Pinkie chimed in from nowhere, "How about a rap battle!"

"What's a rap battle?" asked Fluttershy.

Twilight stood there powerlessly, she was feeling sick. It's as if the whole world was falling apart.

This isn't happening, this is just a bad dream

Twilight's state of denial wasn't an issue for long, as for the second time this week. She collapsed onto the floor.

Unconscious.

Author's Notes:

Hey, remember me? I'm that guy, you know. That guy.

Really? You don't remember me? ;-;

Hehe, yeah it's been awhile. I actually moved house and couldn't get online for awhile, sorry.

Just thought I should give you guys an explanation, unless you assume it's down to laziness. (I am really lazy though, don't get me wrong.)

Story should continue as normal from now on, no unexpected delays, I hope.

The Virtuous Voyage

“Ugh...” groaned an exasperated unicorn. Her throat was dry, her eyes stung and her head felt like it was on fire. She felt drool clinging to the side of her mouth, and a nauseating ache in her stomach. She was laying face down on a soft, squishy material. The evident taste of sick in her mouth, prompted her to roll over onto her side. Just as she was about to vomit, she realized there wasn't any surface for her to roll on to, and her frail form tumbled off the side of a steep ninety-degree drop.

“Hey girls, look! Twilight's awake!” announced a raspy voice, a few feet away.

“Oh, I hope she's feeling better,” replied a softer, slightly less confident voice.

Twilight didn't even have time to scream before she face-planted the cold, hard ground. Her snout produced an unpleasant thump, as it collided with the floor.

“Ah don't think she's feelin' any better, that looked like it hurt somethin' fierce,” observed a southern accent.

“Um, we should probably help her or something, she doesn't look too good.”

Twilight reeled herself onto her back, and held a hoof over her face. She wasn't sure if she was trying to halt the blood, gushing out of her nostrils, or covering her mouth to stop herself from being sick. Maybe she was just trying to numb the pain of falling head-first into something very hard.

“Well whatever we do, let's do it quick! She's making a scene as it is,” instructed a posh, upper-class voice. “Everypony is looking at us, they probably think she's some drunk we brought in off the streets.”

Twilight could feel something prodding her chest; it felt smooth and nimble, but it didn't hurt.

“Twilight, are you okay? Please, get up.”

“Urgh... no Spike, the library's closed today...” the unicorn mumbled. “Tell them it's my day off...”

“Twilight, it's me; Fluttershy,” she squeaked, persisting to lightly poke her friend on the ground. “Please, you have to get up, you're lying on the floor on a train.”

“I know that, I jus- WHAT?” Twilight's eyes shot open, and memories from earlier came flooding back. In a sudden fit of hysteria, she sprang upright and scanned her surroundings.

She was situated in the middle of a narrow cab of a train. Mares and Stallions of various race and color, sat on their brown leather seats, gawking at her. She noticed the snug, cushioned bench next to her, that she must have clumsily rolled off when she had awoken.

To her left was Fluttershy, kneeling down beside her. The rest of her friends stood at the opposite end of the passageway, giving her a concerned stare. Albeit everypony in the room was giving her the same bewildered expression.

As if the embarrassment wasn't enough, something else entirely was plaguing her thoughts: A certain theoretical physicist was nowhere in sight.

Panic seeped through her form, and she started hyperventilating. Her eyes twitched, and her lips quivered.

“Uh, Twilight, are you oka-

Twilight grabbed Fluttershy by the shoulders and started shaking her furiously, “What happened, where’s Sheldon!?"

“I don’t know, I’m sorry, please stop shouting, you’re scaring me; please let me go,” the pegasus squeaked, her voice barely higher than a whisper.

“Settle down, Twi’,” interjected Applejack. “Sheldon’s fine, he’s making some friends,” she smirked, as she pointed her hoof towards an isolated corner at the back of the cab.

“Oh...” conceded Twilight, as she let go of her friend. Sheldon was sitting at a small table, chatting with a blonde-maned stallion. He was smiling, and he looked like he was enjoying himself.

Twilight exhaled a sigh of relief. Her tightened muscles loosened, and a small contented smile crept across her face.

“Well, thank Celestia for that,” she added. “For a second there I thought you girls had lost him, or Lyra had taken him or something.”

“Hm, it’s funny that you should mention Lyra,” commented Rarity. “She did indeed come over, whilst you were unconscious.”

“Wait, what?” uttered Twilight. “What happened, what did she want?”

“Well, nothing really. She was just passing by, and noticed you lying on the floor,” admitted Rarity. “She felt really bad, and asked if there was anything she could do to help. Obviously, I told her about my current dilemma with Opal, and she offered to return to Ponyville and feed her in my stead.”

“I-...she did?” bemused Twilight.

“Indeed, I was quite bewildered by the offer myself,” recalled Rarity. “I told her she didn’t have to, but she insisted she was returning to Ponyville anyway.”

“Huh... that’s odd,” observed Twilight. “Earlier she was chasing us down the avenue, and now she’s apparently offering free favours.”

“I’ll admit I had my suspicions at first, but she seemed like she genuinely wanted to help,” insisted Rarity. “Between you and me, I think she was feeling awfully distraught about her behavior before-hoof.”

“Well... I suppose that makes sense; my book on Equestrian Psychology does suggest that a guilty conscience can bring out the best in certain ponies,” Twilight mused.

“Yes, well, we were just glad she stopped by when she did,” continued Rarity. “Without her help, we’d never have gotten you onto the train in time.”

“Yeah, uh... thanks for that by the way,” acknowledged Twilight, the faintest shade of red emerging from her cheeks.

“Think nothin’ of it, Twi’,” interjected Applejack. “That’s what friends are for.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” beamed Twilight as she strode towards the bench beside her, and sat down.

The rest of her friends did the same. It was going to be a long journey, so the least they could do is make themselves comfortable.

Twilight yawned, as she adjusted the cushion behind her head into a secure position. Her hind legs were outstretched, resting upon a padded leg rest. To her side was a small wooden table, with a collection of magazines.
Twilight considered giving them a look, but decided against it. She was a huge lover of literature, but magazines really weren't her thing. She disagreed with most of it’s contents on a moral level; the way it depicted mares being one of them.

“Pinkie, you stop that right now!” ordered Applejack.

Twilight looked up and followed Applejack’s stern gaze to the other side of the room, where Pinkie hung upside down from the ceiling. Inexplicably, she adorned a black, stealth suit and a pair of night-vision goggles.

“Aww, but I want to know what Sheldon is talking about!” she wailed, loud enough for everyone in the train to hear.

Sheldon looked up from his table in stunned awe. A small pink horse hung inches away from his face. A ghastly odor of candy floss and chocolate emitted from it’s mouth, which was stretched outwards into a cartoony grin.

“Dear lord, get that thing away from me!” the physicist demanded, backing away as far as he could.

The stallion accompanying Sheldon didn’t take kindly to the intrusion either, and folded a nearby newspaper into a cone, before smacking Pinkie on the back of the head.

“Take that you peasant!” he snapped, unleashing another lash of his newspaper.

“Urgh” Pinkie huffed in defeat. Her vantage point compromised, she hopped down onto the floor and made her way back to her seat.

Applejack glared at her, as she reclaimed her chair next to Rainbow Dash, and began casually sipping from her strawberry milkshake again like nothing happened.

Twilight squinted her eyes, deep in thought. She recognised the stallion sitting alongside Sheldon, but she couldn’t quite put a name on him.

“I’m sure I know him from somewhere...” she pondered.

“Do you? Well... i-isn’t that lovely,” Rarity stammered, positioning her mane to cover her face. “Let’s just leave him be, I’m sure he doesn’t want to be disturbed.”

“I guess you’re right...” conceded Twilight, dropping the subject.

* * *

“I’m sorry you had to see that. Us upper-class folk need to be on our guard, with all these filthy commoners around.”

“I’ll say!” agreed Sheldon. “I’ve never been assaulted on public transport before, but like my mom says: there’s a first time for everything.”

“It’s quite a disturbing prospect isn’t it?”

“It is indeed,” replied Sheldon. “Rest assured, once I rise to power, these people will be sterilized.”

“I’ll drink to that!” the stallion chuckled, raising his glass of red wine, in toast. “If only my nobility afforded me such privileges,” he added, before taking a sip from his glass.

“I didn’t quite catch your name?” asked Sheldon.

“Blueblood,” the stallion replied. “Prince Blueblood.”

“Interesting,” observed Sheldon. “I didn’t know aristocrats used the same method of transportation as the working class.”

“Well I don’t usually,” admitted Blueblood. “I’ve been called to attend a foreign affairs meeting with the Griffins in Zaros.”

“That sounds entertaining,” commented Sheldon. “Griffins are my second favourite mythical creature, narrowly beaten by the Ophiotaurus.”

“Hardly,” croaked Blueblood, waving a hoof dismissively. “Griffins are pitiful creatures, why Celestia bothers with them, I’ll never know...”

“Ah, I believe I encountered Celestia earlier,” exclaimed Sheldon. “She’s the reason I’m required to pursue this irrelevant escapade.”

“Really, what did she ask of you?” quired Blueblood.

“I’m to accompany that group of horses over there,” explained Sheldon, pointing towards the two benches in the middle of the cab, “And destroy a sacred amulet, because of some superstitious nonsense, or something.”

Prince Blueblood looked over Sheldon’s shoulder, and straight at the group of ponies in question. His eyes narrowed into a puzzled frown as they landed on Pinkie.

“Isn’t that the pink pony that harassed us earlier?” he asked, taking another sip from his glass.

“Probably,” bemused Sheldon. “I try not to look at them that often, their faces annoy me.”

“Understandable,” Blueblood added, as he continued to survey the rest of the ponies. After giving the group a short once over, he locked eyes with a white unicorn, who was also staring back at him.

“By Celestia...” he muttered. “It’s that unicorn from the Gala.”

“Hm?”

“That one, with the purple mane,” Blueblood pointed out, gesturing towards Rarity, who immediately turned away and stared out the window.

“Oh, her,” sneered Sheldon. “Let me tell you, in the short time I’ve known her, she has to be one the most querulous and inane travel companions I’ve ever met.”

“I don’t doubt it,” affirmed Blueblood. “We met once at a social event at Canterlot; she began endlessly following me around like a hungry parasprite with no consideration.”

“I hate it when people do that,” admitted Sheldon. “Once, I buying groceries from the supermarket and this storeclerk started following me around, asking me if I ‘needed any help’, the entire ordeal was very distressing.”

“What did you do about it?” asked Blueblood.

“I called the police.”

“Hmph,” snorted Blueblood. “Anyway, at the climax of what was a dreary, lackluster evening, she experienced a mental breakdown and began to target yours truly, as a victim of unwarranted verbal abuse and foul language.”

“Really?” gasped Sheldon. “I experienced something similar with her earlier today.”

“Oh?”

“We was on our way here, engaging in casual conversation and suddenly she just burst out crying, no forewarning or anything.”

“Well then, that’s certainly something,” Blueblood commented. “I don’t envy you, Mr.....?

“Sheldon Cooper,” explained the physicist. “Dr Sheldon Cooper.”

“Well, you have my sympathies Doctor Cooper,” acknowledged Blueblood. “I wouldn’t survive another five minutes in her company, ever again.”

“My personal hypothesis is that her behaviour stems from deep emotional issues she hasn’t come to terms with,” explained Sheldon.

“That seems like a logical outcome to jump to,” agreed Blueblood.

Unexpectedly, Sheldon felt something prodding his shoulder. It felt rubbery, but his fears were alleviated when he turned around to see Twilight standing beside him.

“Hey, Sheldon!” she beamed. “I know you’re having fun making friends, but this is our stop, we’ve got to get going.”

Sheldon looked through the window, where a small sign was situated on a concrete, cylinder block.

-Welcome to Zaros-
-All ponies prepare the appropriate credentials and proceed to the Visitor Center-
-If you fail to check in within the allotted time, you WILL be arrested and submitted to the Equestrian Emissary for deportation-

“Urgh, this place looks disgusting,” noted Sheldon, analyzing the surrounding neighbourhood.

Run down, poorly built huts scattered the area. Windows were boarded up and white paint had gradually chipped off the exterior, leaving nothing more than an empty shell.

Heaps upon heaps of rubbish, blew freely across the littered streets and pathways. Repurposed strands of old rope had been strung together to make a washing line, which displayed dozens of old, dirty clothes.

Copious amounts of graffiti covered the various walls and alleyways, while disgusting sewerage oozed out of drainage pipes, unattended.

Blueblood chuckled as he took a long sip from his glass.

“Well, of course it does. This is the Shanty town after all, surely you’re not getting off here are you?”

“Well, I better not be,” answered Sheldon, glaring at Twilight with a cautious frown.

Twilight gave the most exaggerated, optimistic smile she could conjure.

“Okay, I know this isn’t ideal, but let’s look on the bright side...”

“No, I’m not setting a single foot in this rancid hellhole,” announced Sheldon. “I fear I’ll be afflicted with toxoplasmosis before I’ve even left the train.”

“Or assaulted by some poverty stricken felon,” added Blueblood.

“Urgh, you’re not helping!” blurted Twilight, directing her anger at the blonde-maned stallion.

“I doubt you’re getting off at this stop, then?” asked Sheldon, to which Blueblood burst out laughing.

“Celestia help me, of course not!” he exclaimed. “I’m going to Zaros’ Capital city; Algaz Peak.”

Twilight knew what question was coming so she answered in advance.

“No, Sheldon. We can’t get off at Algaz instead, because it’s too far away,” she explained, through gritted teeth. “We’re going to the Mazorak Caves, and that means we have to pass through here, and trek cross-country through the wilderness.”

Sheldon shuddered. Never before had he heard the words ‘trek’ and ‘wilderness’ in the same sentence, and it terrified him. Not only that, but he’d have to venture through a disease-ridden breeding ground of bacteria, just to get there.

“Come on, Sheldon!” Twilight stated. “We’re all waiting for you.”

“Don’t do it, Doctor Cooper,” advised Blueblood. “Never give in to the demands of the provincials.”

“Excuse me, but who the hay are you!?” snapped Twilight.

“I’ll tell you who the hay I am,” scowled Blueblood. “I’m the one and only Prince Blueblood, Duke of Vladimir, Chairman of the Deliberative Assembly of Canterlot and descendant of-

“Yeah okay, pretend I never asked,” Twilight deadpanned, as she redirected her attention to Sheldon. “Listen, I promise we won’t be here long, we’re just passing through, we’ll be in-and-out before you know it!”

“Very well, I concede,” reasoned Sheldon. “But let me warn you, I have the National accident Helpline on speed dial; if I develop any symptoms I’m suing you for every cent you own!”

“It’s a deal!” affirmed Twilight. She didn’t really understand half of what Sheldon just said, but then again she didn’t have to.

Sheldon stood up from his table and started to make his way to the exit, but he stopped mid-track. He spun around and faced Blueblood, inquisitively.

“So, would you like to exchange Skype names or email addresses?”

“What?” replied Blueblood.

“Yes, yes, you’re right. I apologize,” stammered Sheldon. “Social protocol dictates, we should wait at least forty-eight hours first.”

“Yes, of course... whatever you say,” snorted Blueblood, waving a hoof dismissively. “Weren’t you leaving?”

Sheldon nodded and turned around, rejoining the rest of the group by the entrance.

“Farewell,” concluded Sheldon, as he exited the train and ventured out, into the damp, putrid cesspit waiting outside.

“Good luck, Doctor Cooper,” proclaimed Blueblood. “Try not to die.”

The Precarious Proposition

A dilapidated metropolis of overturned garbage cans and derelict buildings, strewn out as far as the eye could see. Many of the ill-fated griffins who called this area home, lay spread out across the ground, holding their families close; not a single golden bit coin to their name. Pieces of old cardboard has been placed upon the cold, filthy concrete of the sidewalk, providing a shimmer of comfort and a place to rest, come nightfall.

“Well girls, here we are...” announced Twilight, her apparent prior confidence, fading away by the second.

“Regrettably so,” quipped Rarity. “Can we please get a move on, my hooves feel slimy and that foul aroma is very off-putting.”

“Yeah, this place is super stinky!” remarked Pinkie, covering her snout. “You can almost taste it, and it doesn’t taste good!”

“Geez, you girls really need to toughen up a little,” snorted Rainbow Dash, hovering above. “It’s not that bad; then again, I am pretty awesome, I probably don’t notice it.”

“Rainbow, can ya’ll go one minute without tootin’ yer own horn please,” said Applejack. “Remember, we’re here to stop Discord; this isn’t ‘The Rainbow Dash Show’.”

“Oh please, if you had the high levels of awesome that I have, then of course you’d show it off,” retorted Rainbow Dash.

“Incorrect,” interjected Sheldon. “Awesome is an adjective, and therefore cannot be measured using modern scientific method, nor does evidence suggest it can be calculated to attain varying degrees or levels.”

“Yeah, you tell her Sheldon!” chuckled Applejack.

“And ‘The Rainbow Dash Show’ sounds like a subpar children’s sitcom from the 90’s.”

Rainbow’s face contorted in frustration and she propped her wings upright, ready to lunge at her target.

“You are so annoying!” she snapped, her inflated frown stretching out into a dark grimace. “Why don’t you ever shut up?”

“Because I enjoy listening to myself, it’s one of the great joys of my life,” explained Sheldon. “Although it occurs to me you may have been employing a rhetorical device rendering my response moot.”

Dash’s eyes narrowed and she growled through gritted teeth.

Applejack recognised the all too familiar expression of fuming rage, present on her friend’s face and decided to intervene, lest the situation turn ugly.

She adjusted her hat before stepping in front of Sheldon, nudging the physicist behind her.

“Let it go, Rainbow,” she ordered, the back of her mind consciously reminding her she’d just put herself in the firing line.

“Why should I!?” she snapped, gradually inching closer to her friend. “Ever since he got here, he’s been nothing but snotty and condescending, to me, to you; to everypony!”

“Oh no, a-are you two fighting? Please stop fighting...” stammered Fluttershy, cowering behind her pink mane.

“Yeah, but you’ve been nothin’ but a big gosh darn bully to him, ever since he got here!”

“I can attest to that claim,” added Sheldon.

Rainbow turned towards the physicist and scowled, but her line of sight was once again broken by Applejack.

“Ever since we found him, all you’ve been doin’ is teasing him, insulting him, and jus’ acting rude in general.”

“W-well yeah, but he said things too!” protested Dash. “Outside the Everfree, he called me a-”

“He’d jus’ woken up in a completely different world, full’ah ponies he ain’t familiar with!” argued Applejack. “Course’ he’s gonna feel a little darn intimidated, and say things Ah’m sure he didn’t mean.”

“Oh, I think you’re mistaken,” exclaimed Sheldon. “I mean everything I say, otherwise the significance of saying something in the first place would become invalid.”

Applejack sighed deeply. She wanted to spin around and yell at the physicist to shut up, but that really wouldn’t help her argument. Although, she did find it humorously ironic that fighting a battle on Sheldon’s behalf usually involved fighting Sheldon too.

“See!?” wailed Rainbow. “How can you defend this guy, he’s nuts!”

“Maybe he is, Ah don’t care!” replied Applejack. “Mah point is; stop tryin’ to make it out like he’s here to hurt everypony, cus’ he ain’t!”

Rainbow Dash said nothing. Apart from the light flapping of her wings she remained motionless, her eyes darting back and forth between Applejack and Sheldon. She knew deep down she’d given the physicist a hard time, but she didn’t quite know why.

“Listen, sugarcube,” began Applejack, her tone of voice much more subtle and soothing than before. “The princesses have faith in him, maybe you should too.”

Rainbow huffed as she crossed her arms and pouted. “Yeah sure, whatever,” she muttered, shrugging her shoulders.

“Ahem,” coughed Twilight, drawing everyone’s attention. “I’d like to remind you all that we’re still behind schedule, we don’t have time to stand around.”

“I second that,” agreed Rarity. “The sooner we depart, the better. This place doesn’t strike me as somewhere I’d feel comfortable to remain, after dark.”

“If you say so,” said Rainbow, her wings snapping back into her sides as she plummeted down towards the ground, her hooves skidding to a halt beside the group.

Twilight’s horn became engulfed in a bright, purple aura as she reached inside her saddlebag and levitated out a neatly folded map. She laid the map, outstretched across the damp, filthy footpath to her side and motioned everyone to come closer.

“Okay girls, we’re just beside the train station, so that means we must be here,” declared Twilight, pointing at the area specified on the map. “Now, if I’m correct; we need to get here, which means we’ll have to circle around here and follow the alleyway up here, until we reach the woodlands.”

“Sounds simple enough,” said Applejack.

“It is,” admitted Twilight. “So girls, any questions?”

“I have a question,” announced Sheldon.

“Yes, Sheldon?”

“It’s the twenty-first century, why are you still using a physical map?”

“Okay, let me rephrase the subject,” deadpanned Twilight. “Any serious questions?”

“Excuse me?” objected Sheldon. “Are you inferring that my inquiry wasn’t genuine?”

“No, I was implying it. You then inferred it,” smirked Twilight.

“Oh no, don’t you even consider challenging my resolve with logic, horse. Such antagonistic act of passive-aggression would be exceptionally foolish and will be met with uncompromising retribution.”

Twilight erupted into a fit of giggles; which only dismayed the disgruntled physicist further.

“wej qaStaHvIS jIH, 'ach Hagh.”

“What?” replied Twilight, in between chokes of laughter.

“That’s Klingon for: You laugh not at me, but yourself.”

“Oh, your species speak languages other than Equestrian?” asked Twilight, her ears perked up with genuine curiosity.

“What, Equestrian? Is that some sort of ambiguous urban slang?”

“No, silly. It’s the language we’re speaking right now,” replied Twilight. “I thought theoretical physicists were supposed to be smart,” she chuckled.

“Horse, you are playing with forces beyond your comprehension,” replied Sheldon, a frown etched across his features. “My knowledge of the universe spans several generations and continues to grow with each passing day, you are in no position to make remarks about intelligence when the basic equine thought process almost exclusively consists of ‘eat grass and defecate’.”

“Uh, Twilight, w-who is-

“I was only kidding, no need to get so defensive,” said Twilight, turning aside to face her shy, timid friend.

“Yes, Fluttershy?”

Sweat glistened down the shaking, yellow pegasus. Her hoof extended outwards, pointing at the corner of a dark alleyway.

“Who is t-that?” she squeaked, her heart pounding against her chest like a caged bird.

The group followed Fluttershy’s hoof and glanced at the corner in question.

It was dark. Very dark. An old abandoned quill store loomed above, blocking any sunlight from gracing it’s surface.

The only source of light available was a nearby defective lamp post. The malfunctioning light bulb within, flickered uncontrollable like a beacon in the night.

But that spark of fluctuating light was all they needed to see... it.

It stood up on it’s hind legs, leaning against the wall. Two gigantic curved horns emerged from it’s forehead, curling backwards into the creature's neck.

It’s arms were folded against it’s muscular chest, as it grinned menacingly at the group.

Twilight gulped, but put on a brave face as she stepped forwards. “Hello sir, can I help you?”

Unfortunately, Twilight’s words rung empty, as the creature had already disappeared. His figure had mysteriously vanished in-between the lamp post’s flickers; like a flash of lightning he simply ceased to exist.

“Well, that was creepy,” exclaimed Rainbow Dash.

“No kiddin’,” murmured Applejack, scanning the surrounding alleyways, checking for any sign of movement.

“Don’t worry, it doesn’t matter,” said Twilight, turning back to face her friends. “We’ve waited around long enough, let’s get a move on.”

“Y-yes, can we please go now?,” quivered Fluttershy.

The group nodded and began their way down the stoned sidewalk, with Sheldon trailing behind. Aside from idle small talk nopony said a word, and instead kept to themselves. With each step they took in the dirty, depressing town, the more their enthusiasm faded, and their confidence diminished.

It had finally dawned on them, the significance of the task the Princess had bestowed upon each of them. This wasn’t going to be a walk in the park.

The group continued down the sidewalk, following the road signs to their destination, the town center; the heart of darkness.

* * *

Old news stands and garbage cans, along with hundreds of discarded miscellaneous items, lay floating atop an emerald ocean of toxic water and industrial waste.

A contaminated river of poisonous chemicals, old furniture and dirt had flooded through the town square, consuming everything and everyone that stood in it’s way.

Twilight knew what happened of course. She remembered reading about it in the newspaper, months ago...

‘A terrible accident has occurred at the Weather Factory in Cloudsdale, a witness described an explosion from the side of the plant, with potentially hazardous substances leaking from the opening.

Cloudsdale authorities are working relentlessly to safely relocate the Factory and prevent any harmful compounds from coming into contact with the land, below.’

Evidently, that didn’t quite work out as planned. The pegasi wanted to dump the remnants of the Factory in the Ocean to the South, but they didn’t make it in time. A second explosion ruptured from the cloud structure, sending it plummeting towards the ground, where a small unsuspecting town in Zaros lay waiting.

From that day onwards, the Griffins imposed a strict quarantine across the town and sealed it off from the rest of Zaros. Equestrian civil rights activists protested vigorously, but they held no authority in Griffin territory. From the perspective of Zaros, the Weather Factory Incident was just another problem to quickly shove aside, hide under the carpet and ignore.

“Oh my, I knew she looked familiar, of course -- I recognise her now!”

“Huh?” said Twilight, shaking her head clear of her thoughts, shifting her gaze to her friend.

“Recognised who, Rarity?”

The fashionista stood beside an old, decaying brick wall, her eyes analyzing a torn poster nailed to the surface.

“It’s Roxy! Well, that’s her show-name anyway, I don’t think she ever told me her real name...”

Twilight turned around and strolled to her friend’s side. She eyed the poster curiously.
It certainly stood out. Compared to the dull, faded gray of everything else in the town, it was probably the first thing they’d seen that actually had real color. It was an advertisement for an upcoming musical entitled ‘Sunleth Waterscape’.

The cover depicted a female griffin wearing a beautiful scarlet dress, standing in the spotlight, upon a glamorous marble stage.

“She always comes to my boutique, ordering the latest silkware from my vintage line. Really high-quality custom pieces, every miniscule detail had to be just perfect,” recalled Rarity with a smile.

“I bet that must have been tough,” chuckled Twilight.

“You’d think so, but not with Roxy,” replied Rarity. “We share such similarities when it comes to fashion, our opinions are virtually identical. All I have to do is make something I’d personally love to wear, and chances are she’d love it too.”

“Really? That seems pretty convenient.”

“It was, very convenient in fact,” giggled Rarity.

“So, does Roxy still come around now and then?”

Rarity’s expression drooped, and she stared down at the ground longingly.

“No...”

“I- I’m sorry,” stuttered Twilight. “That was a stupid question, considering what happened here -- forget I said anything, sorry!”

“Come on, let’s get a move on,” sighed Rarity, turning away from the wall. “This place is depressing.”

“Okay...” replied Twilight, walking alongside Rarity to rejoin the group, who were sitting in a circle, next to a charred fire hydrant.

“Come on AJ, just give up! You’ve already lost,” smirked Rainbow Dash through gritted teeth.

Her voice quavered strenuously and sweat glistened off her cyan coat but she kept her cool. She was very competitive and hoof-wrestling was a pretty big deal to her, and her ego.

“Ah don’t think so, but if it makes ya’ feel better, you believe that sugarcube,” retorted Applejack, leaning forwards over the makeshift box they’d used as table, to better angle herself against her opponent.

“Just remember, whoever emerges the victor of this pointless physical dispute, the true winner is myself,” announced Sheldon.

“Yeah right,” groaned Rainbow, struggling against the force of Applejack’s hoof. “If you reckon you’re so tough, come face me after I beat AJ, here.”

“A truly magnanimous offer but I decline. Unlike some, I don’t need validation from lesser minds.”

“Urgh, I’ll show you who the lesser m-

~SLAM~

“Eeep,” squeaked Fluttershy, tightly wrapping her wings around herself as she crawled into a ball.

“Ha, Ah won!” declared Applejack, standing upright above her defeated adversary.

A dumbstruck Rainbow Dash looked down at her hoof, woefully resting on the improvised table.

“T-that’s not fair!” she quickly objected. “Sheldon was distracting me!”

“I did no such thing,” stated Sheldon.

“Ahem,” coughed Twilight, obnoxiously. “Break’s over girls, let’s get going.”

“What’s the point anymore,” whined Rainbow, grabbing a nearby rock and throwing it into the green, toxic lake blocking their path.

The small stone sizzled erratically, slowly sinking deeper until it eventually dissolved into oblivion.

“We can’t get over that -- you guys I mean, me and Flutters could just fly over, I guess.”

“Hmm...” mused Twilight, bringing a hoof to her chin, deep in concentration.

Her pupils widened as she carefully analyzed her surroundings. This element of problem solving did bring back a lot of nostalgia from when she was a filly, at Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns.

She was explicitly taught that whenever an obstacle hindered your progress, there’s always a solution within hoof’s length. Finding that solution is the hard part, though.

“I know! Let’s all make a raft and sail over, like pirates!”

“If only it was that simple, Pinkie,” replied Applejack, removing her hat to swat away the flies, buzzing nearby.

“I think I’ve got it,” announced Twilight, withdrawing her gaze from the noxious pit, blocking their route.

The group looked up at the unicorn, attentively.
“See that building back there, at the very end? The one next to that old clock tower.”

“You mean the collapsed building, toppled on it’s side, that’s floating on the edge of the waterway?” snorted Rainbow Dash. “Yeah, I see it, it’s kinda hard not to.”

“I’m pretty sure I can use my magic to teleport us onto the side, well, theoretically that is.”

“Now Twi’ ya’ll know I’m not one fer fancy words, what do you mean ‘theoretically’?” asked Applejack, a concerned frown etched across her face.

“She’s clarifying that her method is relating to, or based on a specific scientific theory which considering the speculation required to determine the outcome, is often unadvised in practical experiments or situations.”

“Thank you, Sheldon,” added Twilight, rolling her eyes. “That’s not perhaps how I would have worded it, but yeah. I think I can get us across.”

“You think you can get us across?” accused Rainbow. “What do you mean you think you can get us across, what could go wrong?”

“Well...” began Twilight, avoiding Dash’s scrutinous stare. “It is a considerable distance... If my magical essence realizes it’s too far as I’m performing the spell, it’ll go ahead and teleport us to the closest it can get, which in this case would be that big pool of acid we’re trying to avoid.”

“You mean to say, if this doesn’t work out we could DIE?” gasped Rarity

“But .. but .. I don’t want to die,” sputtered Fluttershy, looking up from the ground.

“Listen, let me explain!” urged Twilight, waving her hooves around frantically.

“Ah’m not sure bout’ this Twi’,” interjected Applejack. “This sounds mighty dangerous.”

“I know, but trust me! The chances of that happening are virtually non-exis-

“Well, now that right there sounds rather unsafe.”

Everypony’s ears perked up instantaneously. The last time they checked, nobody in their group had a ridiculously gruff, deep voice like that.

“Who the hay was tha-

“Hunchback Hundar, at your service.”

“It’s that monster from earlier!” screamed Fluttershy, hastily clambering to hooves, and rushing behind Rainbow Dash to take shelter.

Twilight flinched; her muscles locked into place and she stood motionless, gawking at the enormous being, towering over herself and her friends.

Minotaurs were hardly uncommon in Equestria, but seeing them in person still invoked a strange sense of oddity. They just seemed so out of place, and this particular minotaur took that to a whole new level.

As it’s name implied, it slouched forwards, exposing the gigantic lump that was believed to be it’s upper back. The fearsome horns that emerged from it’s forehead, curled backwards into eccentric loop, the pointy tips digging into the back of the creature’s neck.

The minotaur wore a brown, ragged, extremely spacious trenchcoat with custom knitted pouches for added space. Upon its shoulder, the creature sported a black, chunky backpack, with small blue satchels sewn onto the sides for even more space.

Atop it’s snout the minotaur adorned a pair of pink, heart shaped glasses and an iron ring through it’s left nostril.

“Why are you all looking at me like that, do I have something on my face?” jested the minotaur, before bursting out laughing at his own joke.

His laughter eventually progressed into violent coughing, and he held his throat with one arm, whilst pounding his chest with another.

“That was a good one,” the creature bemused to himself, after recovering. “I need to save that one for later, funny stuff.”

Twilight took a deep breath and took a step forwards, summoning forth all the courage she could muster.

“H-hi... my name is Twilight Sparkle.”

“Hello Twilight Sparkle,” stated Hundar blandly, bending forwards to scratch an itch on his rear.

With the minotaur seemingly not hostile, Twilight calmed down a little. She breathed a sigh of relief and spoke up.

“Hi Hundar, it’s a pleasure to meet you. These are my friends,” she beamed, gesturing towards the group “This is Applejack, That’s Rainbow Dash, the pony behind her is Fluttershy and tha-

“Who is that guy? The tall squishy one, looks kinda like a praying mantis.”

“Excuse me?” interjected Sheldon. “You’ve been present for less than a minute and you’ve already desensitized yourself to childish ‘trash talk’ and racial slurs, which by the way, was a completely inaccurate representation of invertebrate-kind, not to mention the arthropod phylum in general.”

A taken aback Hundar said nothing, and instead looked over towards Twilight with an incredibly confused frown.

“This guy for real?”

“Yeah, we wish he wasn’t though,” answered Rainbow Dash, sarcastically.

“Am I ‘for real’?” repeated an irritated Sheldon. “I should be asking you, if you’re ‘for real’. The last time I checked minotaurs were notoriously regarded as strong, fierce noble creatures, as clearly projected by the Cretan Labyrinth in Greek Mythology. I can hardly picture you navigating Daedalus’ ancient maze, without stopping prematurely to use your asthma inhaler, or take a snack break.”

“Celestia help me Sheldon, shut up!” snapped Twilight, her cheeks flushed red. “Sorry about that, he’s like that sometimes...”

“I see you ponies have your hooves full then, I get it,” chortled Hundar, reaching out to wipe away the saliva that had surfaced from the corners of his mouth. “It’s a good thing I got here when I did then. You girls are definitely in need of the services, I provide.”

“Yeah, I was going to ask... have you been following us Hundar,” asked Twilight. “It’s just, we all saw you earlier and it kinda freaked everpony out; no offence.”

“Yes.”

“Um, okay,” began Twilight. “Why exactly? What’s so special about us?”

Hundar glared at the unicorn, his bland, consistent facial expression didn’t alter for a second. Either the muscles in his face weren’t functioning correctly, or he had the best damn poker face to ever grace the shores of Equestria.

“Not often we get ponies round’ these parts,” he admitted. “Especially ponies who look like they’re worth a bag of bits or two. It’d be bad business to not follow em’, see what they’re up to.”

“So... you followed us for business, are you merchant or something?” asked Twilight.

“Well, I suppose my profession would fall under that criteria, yes.”

“Darling, why on earth would you peruse this desolate place, looking for customers?” said Rarity, eyeing the minotaur’s baggage quizzically. “Surely you’d find far more success in more populated areas, like Canterlot.”

“No,” stated Hundar, plainly.

“O-oh... okay then, fair enough,” stammered Rarity, awkwardly.

“So what do you sell?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Hmph,” smirked Hundar, as he undone the two buttons that sealed his trenchcoat. He forcefully grabbed the sides and yanked them open, revealing his rather substantial collection of... exquisite goods.

“Take your pick.”

Heaps of plastic, see through bags housed every illegal substance you could imagine. The sickly scent of grinded leaves and exotic powders breezed through the confines of the minotaur’s coat, assaulting the senses to the point of being overwhelming.

“Oh no, just no.” objected a disgusted Twilight, her complexion turning pale from the undesirable fragrance. “I’m sorry Hundar, but I think you’ve misjudged us. We’re not that kind of ponies, and we’re certainly not into th-

“I’ll take that bag, the one with the white stuff in it!” exclaimed Pinkie.

Before Twilight knew what was happening, a small bag of bits and an ominous white packet had exchanged hoof.

“Pleasure doing business with ya’.”

“Pinkie, what do you think you’re doing!?” shouted Twilight. “Do you even know what this stuff is?”

“Nope!” beamed Pinkie, joyfully. “But how will I find out if I don’t try it!”

“Urgh, Pinkie you’re an idiot sometimes,” sighed Rainbow Dash.

“Right back at ya, Dashie!” giggled Pinkie, bringing her recently purchased product to her face, to closely examine.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m sorry Hundar but Pinkie isn’t buying this, can she please have a refund?” groaned Twilight, her horn illuminating a bright purple as she used her magic to pull away the bag Pinkie was desperately clutching on to.

“Hey, what gives Twilight?” argued Pinkie, snatching her packet back, as it attempted to levitate away.

“Pinkie! This is illegal! You’re not having it!” snapped Twilight, the purple aura tugging back the illicit bag, away from her friend.

“Nuh uh!” retorted Pinkie, snagging it back towards herself.

“C’mon Pinkie, stop being so stubborn!” said Twilight, yanking it away from Pinkie’s clutches.

Inevitably, the exerted force proved too much for the flimsy bag to withstand, and it suddenly burst, sending it’s contents flying outwards.

A hazy white mist, briefly obscured everypony’s vision, followed by a lot of coughing.

Once the temporary smog had subsided, the group finally regained their senses and looked around. Being the massive, hulking giant that he was, the first thing they saw was Hundar, except something was different...

His usual bland expression was missing, instead he looked utterly horrified. He twitched nervously, his eyes fixated on Sheldon.

Speaking of Sheldon, he was wheezing. An erratic spasm caused his head to jerk sideways, inexplicably. Only when the group saw his face, did they understand why.

“Celestia have mercy on us...” mouthed Rainbow Dash, quietly.

Like a snowman on Christmas, Sheldon’s face was completely covered white. And unfortunately for the group, it wasn’t snow.

The physicist’s pupils bloated wide, and thin, red blood vessels arose across his eyeballs. His chest rose up and down rapidly as he hyperventilated.

“No refunds!” Hundar blurted, before turning around and running as far as his old, weathered legs would take him.

The Insidious Introduction

“...But we can’t even consider that, just look at Planck’s Constant. People say it’s arbitrary, it couldn’t be less arbitrary! If it varied even slightly, life as we know it would cease to exist!”

“Shel-”

“Now, now, let’s reconsider the entire argument, with entropy reversed and effect preceding cause, you are thinking of a universe that’s not expanding from the center, oh no, it is retreating from a possibility space!”

“Sheld-”

“This is a space where we all are essentially Alice through the looking glass, standing in front of the Red Queen, and we’re being offered a cracker to quench our thirst!”

“Shel-”

“Of course, in another universe, let’s call it universe prime. There’s another Sheldon, a pony Sheldon, let’s call him Sheldon prime…”

“Sheldon, please stop. Plea-”

“Now you’re probably thinking, doesn’t this render the existence of Sheldon alpha and Sheldon omega obsolete? It doesn’t! The genetic algorithm of the equine contradicts the cell division of intelligent life forms on a molecular level, thus the chain is broken! The deoxyribonucleic acid binding us together has been cut loose, we’re free!”

“Please, Sheldon. You need to stop talking now,” said Twilight. Her disheveled mane swung from side to side as she violently massaged her temples. “We’ve been standing here, listening to you for over an hour. I can’t perform the spell that’ll teleport us to the other side while you’re distracting me, okay?”

“But I have stopped talking, I will stop talking, I’m in the process of stopping talking, don’t you see, Twilight? This conversation has already happened over one-hundred billion times, and the outcome will always be the same!”

“We know, Sheldon. You’ve already explained this to us, you can be quiet now,” sighed Twilight. The tired puffy bags beneath her eyes shifted as she aggressively rubbed her eyelids, inhaling deeply every few seconds.

“You’re being too easy on him, Twi,” huffed Rainbow, flicking her mane in childish defiance. “Let’s just ditch him while we’ve got the chance.”

“Now, now, Rainbow, Ah thought I warned ya’ll bout’ pickin’ on Sheldon,” said Applejack, tilting her stetson upwards to lock eyes with her friend. “He’s jus’ going through a rough patch right now, Ah’m sure it’ll wear off sooner or later.”

“Yeah? Well I ain’t sticking around to find out!” snapped Rainbow, stretching her wings to prepare for takeoff.

“And jus’ where in tarnation do you think you’re going?”

“I dunno; I don’t care!”

“Wait, Applejack’s right!” interjected Twilight, craning her neck sideways to address the boisterous pegasus. “You can’t leave, we need you! The Princess said all the elements of harmony need to be present!”

“Forget it, Twi,” dismissed Rainbow with a firm head shake. “Why should I hang around here, listening to this lunatic go on about random crap every ten seconds?”

“You’ve proposed a good question,” exclaimed Sheldon, eagerly. “Hypothetically speaking, why should you hang around here? I’m sure you’re aware, unnecessary or unprovoked aggression towards another - typically of opposite gender - is most commonly associated with repressed sexual feelings, or the longing for a significant other. The consensus being, the guilty party refers to a vain perception of reverse psychology in an otiose attempt to establish relationships with others.”

“See!?” bellowed Rainbow, exchanging glances between her friends. “He’s a total nutcase!”

“He has a point though,” giggled Twilight, much to Dash’s dismay. “We have an entire section about that sort of stuff back at the library, in Ponyville.”

“Y’hear that ya’ll; somepony’s got a crush on Sheldon,” teased Applejack, inciting a barrage of laughter from the group, and a strange snorting sound from Pinkie.

“Oh my, Rainbow darling, I never pictured you as the lovey-dovey type,” said Rarity, batting her eyelashes at her blushing friend.

“T-that’s not true!” stammered Rainbow, “You girls know I hate Sheldon! I wouldn’t even think of-”

“D’aww, there’s no need to be all embarrassed, Dashie.”

“Shut up, Pinkie; I’m not embarrassed!” snapped Rainbow, stretching her wings as she leaned forwards, preparing for take-off.

“Come on, Rainbow, we were only kidding around,” said Twilight, “We know you don’t like Sheldon, really.”

Her words fell upon deaf ears, however, as the pegasus launched herself into the sky. Her wings narrowed, cutting through the air like butter as she ascended into the clouds.

“Rainbow, don’t leave!” called out Rarity, “We were merely jesting, dear; I assure you!”

“Oh no, I hope she’s not angry.We didn’t upset her did we?”

“Jus’ leave her, girls,” said Applejack, yanking down her stetson to cover her eyes. She slanted back against the old barrel she’d been leaning against and crossed her hooves indifferently. “She’ll come back, jus’ give ‘er a couple minutes to herself.”

“So, I’m led to assume that this ‘Element of loyalty’, that the blue horse is supposed to represent, is nothing more than a form of social prestige to spite her peer group - like an expensive leather jacket, or a limited-edition Iron man helmet at Comic-con, am I correct?”

“What?”

“Well, you’re a talking purple horse, and the laws of this fictional universe dicate, that you represent the element of magic; a title in which you certainly live up to with your glowing horn, and your preposterously cheap second-hand magic tricks.”

“Cheap, second-hand magic tricks?” repeated Twilight with a frown. “I’ve studied under the Princess’ wing since I was just a filly, my magic is anything but cheap-”

“But the other equine, the rainbow-maned one… she’s yet to show even one admirable trait, yet she claims herself to be the uncontended, genius maestro of what, loyalty? Telling me that pony embodies the word ‘loyal’, is like expecting Penny to remain loyal to her sexual partner, it’s completely illogical.”

“...What?”

“I’m just saying, whatever supernatural deity that’s making these decisions about which horse epitomizes each specific so-called ‘Element of harmony’, should have its licence invalidated and it’s authority to make such decisions, nullified indefinitely.”

“Okay…” sighed Twilight, dragging her head upwards to meet the physicist’s gaze. “Listen Sheldon, I know you’re supposed to really smart - and I don’t doubt that - not at all! But you shouldn’t comment on things you don’t know anything about, and believe me; this is one of those cases.”

“Oh really?” replied Sheldon, crossing his arms impatiently. “With all due respect Twilight, I have a master’s degree and two doctorates. The things I should know, I do know.”

“Then maybe this isn’t something you’re supposed to know,” retorted Twilight, inching closer to her verbal aggressor. “Rainbow Dash is a close friend, and one of the most dependable ponies around. She doesn’t need to prove her loyalty to anypony, let alone you.”

“You can affirm your vocal objection, it won’t change the facts. Surely, as the self-appointed ‘intelligent horse’ of the group, you can perceive the actuality that there are far more suitable candidates for a position, akin to the representee of loyalty.”

“No, you’re wrong!” responded Twilight, “Your entire argument is flawed, and not to mention incredibly biased.”

“Flawed? Biased? No, I think you’re mistaken; Doctor Sheldon Cooper’s arguments are never flawed. Did you not just witness Rainbow Dash forsake her oath to the almighty equine overlords of harmony and abandon us, earlier? Or did you conveniently forget her sudden departure...”

“I know what you’re doing, don’t try and twist this dispute in your favor by bringing that into this,” warned Twilight, the tip of her snout poking into the physicist’s stomach, as she looked up into his eyes. “You haven’t been in Equestria for very long; you can’t make assumptions about Rainbow based on the last two days alone, Sheldon.”

“I think you’ll find I can,” said Sheldon, stepping back to create some distance between himself and his adversary. “I’ve been the subject of ceaseless verbal abuse on such an extreme scale, I've been experiencing Déjà vu from my childhood. The blue horse portrays an alarmingly accurate impersonation of the adolescent tormentor who bullied me at school for being more intelligent that he was.”

“So now you’re calling me stupid behind my back, huh?” announced a raspy voice, from behind the group.

“Ah, Rainbow Dash!” exclaimed Sheldon keenly, as he spun around to address the voice. “How convenient, we were just talking about you-”

“Cut the crap, Sheldon!” snapped Rainbow, “I’ve been here awhile ya know, I know what you’ve been saying about me.”

“Good, I’m glad,” stated Sheldon, “That’ll save me the trouble of explaining all of this to you, when you came back.”

“Have you really been here, this entire time?” asked Twilight, poking her head to the side of Sheldon’s slender figure.

“I never left,” admitted Rainbow, with a smirk. “I just flew up to that cloud above us; I could hear everything you guys were saying.”

“Oh… that makes sense.”

“And Sheldon, about what you said…” began Rainbow.

“Mhmm?”

“You’re right.”

A dumbstruck Twilight’s jaw hung wide open, while the rest of the group quietly observed the unusual revelation play out before them.

“I’m not the best symbol of loyalty, I know that,” admitted Rainbow, her woeful, unblinking eyes gazed into Sheldon’s - a degree of seriousness, uncommon in Dash’s usual brash behaviour. “And I know you and I haven’t exactly been best pals, either...”

“Where are you going with this?” asked Sheldon, “If you’re requesting my forgiveness for two-days of persistent harassment then I should tell you that that wasn’t an apology; that’s simply an acknowledgement that I was right.”

“Geez Sheldon, why do you have to make everything so hard?” groaned Rainbow, flicking her tail in frustration. “You know what I’m trying to say.”

“Then relinquish your ambiguousness and state it outright.”

“Fine! Whatever! I’m sorry-”

An intense purple light abruptly engulfed the entire area, illuminating the nearby streets and alleyways with dazzling radiance. The bright, warm glow spiraled upwards and clung to the group like steamy glue, before disappearing with a flash, dissipating everyone nearby.

* * *

“... We’re still alive… it must have worked.”

“W-where are we, what happened?” squeaked Fluttershy, clambering to her hooves from the slimy, grime covered ground.

The group were situated on the side of an old building, which had evidently been toppled over by the floods. Muddy water leaked through the various cracks and openings, the lower levels completely submerged. The decaying structure produced deafening creaks, as it’s aged construction struggled against the harsh, chemical river thrashing at it’s sides.

“Ya could’ve warned me you were casting the spell, Twi,” grunted Rainbow, aggressively shaking the dirt off her wings and mane.

“I did,” said Twilight, blowing strands of her disheveled mane out of her eyes. “You were too busy arguing with Sheldon to even notice.”

“I feel sick,” mumbled Sheldon from the ground, as he rolled over onto his back. “Someone retrieve a paracetamol before the symptoms exacerbate.”

“That’s probably just a side effect, it’ll wear off soon,” stated Twilight, levitating a map out of her saddlebag to confirm their location. “I’ve never used my magic on anypony from a different universe before, so this is a new experience for me too.”

“I’ve told you before, stop using that word; it’s pronounced ‘anybody’.”

“Not in Equestria it’s not,” added Twilight absentmindedly, as she scanned the map levitating in front of her face.

“AAHHHH!”

A sudden blood curdling scream roared beside the group, sending shivers down the spines of anyone unfortunate enough to be nearby.

“Wha-” burst out Twilight, dropping her map in terror as she turned around to confront the culprit.

“Rarity?”

Rarity occupied a small spot on the ground, near the edge of the building. Her pearly white coat was covered in brown splodges, with patches of fur stuck together in a putrid slime. Her extravagant mane had been reduced to unkempt shrubbery, with threads of purple sticking out at every possible angle.

“Bahahahahaha!” snorted Rainbow, clutching her throat with one hoof whilst wiping away a tear with the other.

“You got a little something on your face there, Rarity,” giggled Pinkie, covering her mouth in a futile attempt to conceal her amusement.

Rarity sat motionless, her unblinking eyes focused on a piece of broken glass she held in front of her face. Sweat glistened down her cheeks and her breathing became increasingly rapid.

“I… I’m… ugly.”

“Come on Rarity, you don’t look that bad,” comforted Twilight, extending a hoof to help her friend up.

“I’M HIDEOUS!” wailed Rarity, bursting out into tears. “MY LIFE IS OVER, I’M A MUTANT, I WON’T BE ACCEPTED BACK INTO SOCIETY!”

“No, don’t be ridiculous!” argued Twilight, “You look fine, well… nothing a relaxing bath won’t fix!”

“FROM THIS DAY FORTH, I AM A HERMIT!” declared Rarity between sobs. “I SHALL LIVE IN SOLITUDE, NOPONY DESERVES TO SEE ME LIKE THIS.”

“Dear lord, someone shut that horse up!” demanded Sheldon, covering his ears. “I feel sick and I’m suffering with cephalalgia; tell the horse to have it’s mental breakdown when I recover.”

“I told you, Sheldon, it’s just a side effect,” said Twilight, turning to face the physicist. “It usually wears off around now, just give it a minute or two.”

“This is not some frivolous side effect!” complained Sheldon, rolling over onto his side. “I can practically feel my blood cells being slowly devoured by microscopic invaders as we speak.”

“Aren’t ya’ll forgetting what that Minotaur fella’ gave Sheldon earlier,” said Applejack, dusting off her stetson. “Now, Ah ain’t no expert on these things, but Ah’m sure that didn’t do him any good.”

“Pfft, that was over an hour ago,” replied Rainbow, as trotted over the grounded physicist.

“Hey, Sheldon!” she barked, giving him a light shove with her hooves. “Get up, you’re fine! Stop being a baby and-”

Her sentence was interrupted by a stream of puke spurting down her chest. The vile substance spooled down her hooves, making small puddles on the floor.

“I think I’m dying,” mumbled Sheldon, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. “Someone assure me that I’m not dying.”

“What the hell, Sheldon!?” wailed Rainbow, reeling back in disgust.

“I- I feel… sick,” muttered Sheldon, before collapsing with a thud. His eyes rolled back into his skull, and drool formed at the corners of his mouth.

“Uh, is he going to be alright? Um, I was only wondering because he looks unconscious,” asked Fluttershy.

“Celestia help me,” mouthed Twilight, plunging her face deep into her palm. “Please tell me this isn’t happening.”

“I’LL HAVE TO SELL THE BOUTIQUE, GIVEAWAY MY DEAR OPALESCENCE,” continued Rarity, rambling in the background.

“Eww, I can’t believe he actually did this!” ranted Rainbow, trying her best to shake off the green bile Sheldon had spewed on her.

“So, what’s the plan, Twilight?” asked Applejack.

Twilight remained silent; inhaling deeply every few seconds before exhaling shortly after. If her stress busting techniques were ever useful, they were now.

“Okay,” she finally began. “The woodlands aren’t far off now, once we get to the clearing we’ll set up camp for the night. You’ll have to carry Sheldon.”

“Ah gotcha’ Twi’,” acknowledged Applejack, reaching inside her pouch for her lasso.

“Let’s get going, girls!” declared Twilight, taking the lead. “We’ve had enough setbacks today, we can’t afford to wait around anymore.”

The group agreed, and made their way down the side of the wrecked structure, with Rarity trailing behind. Sheldon rested uneasily on Applejack’s back; locks of rope ran across his torso, securing him just above the cow-pony’s hindquarters. His head bobbed with each step taken, and the tips of his shoes dragged across the edge of the ground.

Today had been a long day, and everypony desired some much needed rest. The last rays of the setting sun glistened off the six ponies as they ventured forth towards the vast forest expanse, towering above in the distance.

* * *

“Hey, um, Sheldon - are you awake yet? If you aren’t, I’m really sorry, and uh, you won’t hear this, so um, I’ll apologize to you again when you wake up… if that’s okay with you.”

Sheldon mumbled some incomprehensible gibberish, turning his body away from the distracting voice.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you, it’s just - the others have finished setting up the campfire and we’re all having food now, and I know you haven’t eaten anything all day, so, um - I thought you’d probably want to join us…”

Sheldon forced his face deeper into the plush, cushioned fabric he laid against. It felt like a sleeping bag; albeit a very small one, probably made exclusively for little girls, if the iron grip it held on his waistline were any indication.

“If maybe you weren’t feeling up to it, I could bring something back for you - but, um, I don’t know what you like… if you want anything particular, I could save some for you to eat later…”

“No, I’m awake,” grumbled Sheldon finally, rolling over onto his back. Despite his lightheadedness, he took a deep breath and forced his eyes open.

He was greeted by a small yellow horse; the exact one that had been following him around for the past two days. He hardly ever noticed it before, probably because it didn’t talk much.

“Oh, hi - I hope you’re feeling better, I’ve been taking care of you for the past few hours. You had a terrible fever, and, um - you collapsed earlier, so I made you some herbal tea and, uh-”

“Where are we?” asked Sheldon, analysing his surroundings.

Hundreds of dark, lanky oak trees populated the surrounding forestry. Small birds hopped between branches, gathering twigs for their nest; whilst newborn butterflies emerged from their cocoon, filling the sky with vibrant colors as they took flight for the first time.

The setting of the sun cast a surreal orange glow across richly textured undergrowth, blanketing the ground. Rabbits took refuge behind shrubbery, dashing between cover as if in a battlefield, being bombarded by enemy artillery.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know - you’d have to ask Twilight,” replied Fluttershy, pawing the ground guiltily. “Don’t you just love it here, the nature, the sweet little critters - it’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of!”

“I’m a physicist, not a hippie,” exclaimed Sheldon, brushing aside the leaves that clung to his clothing as he sat upright. “Dare I ask what we’re having for lunch?”

“Oh, well; we've got hay, seasoned hay, spicy hay and a double serving of hay with extra hay-”

“What do you have besides hay?”

“Oh, uh, you don’t like hay?”

“I’ve never tried it and I don’t intend to,” stated Sheldon matter-of-factly, “So returning to my original query, what do you have besides hay?”

“Why don’t you try some?” said Fluttershy, insistently. “There’s no harm in trying something new.”

“Of course there's harm in trying something new!” objected Sheldon, struggling to unzip his sleeping bag. “That’s why we test out drugs and cosmetics on bunny rabbits.”

“... Y-you do what to bunny rabbits?”

“We use them to test out potentially harmful products in case they're actually dangerous, which if proven correct, atleast nothing of value was lost,” explained Sheldon, wriggling out of his sleeping bag like a physically impaired snake.

“... I- I need to go now,” stammered Fluttershy, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes as she immediately took off down a nearby dirt path.

Once Sheldon had freed himself from the confines of his blanket-based prison, he made his way down the same pathway, following the looming smoke until he reached the campfire.

Dear lord, what a strange horse, no wonder she doesn’t talk much

* * *

“Wow, this grub is delicious!” announced Rainbow, chewing loudly.

“Rainbow, darling, don’t talk whilst you’re eating - it’s very unbecoming, dear,” said Rarity, gently wiping her mouth with a cloth.

“I wonder if Sheldon is okay,” pondered Twilight, leaning closer to the campfire for warmth. “Celestia knows what Hundar put in that stuff, to make him feel like that.”

“He’ll be fine Twi’,” assured Applejack, “Ah’d put twenty bits on him being fit as a fiddle in no time.”

“Ahh, here’s where you’ve all been hiding, good!” said a familiar voice to the side of the campsite.

“Told ya,” smirked Applejack, reaching out for her next serving of hay.

“Now then, let’s get straight to business,” proclaimed Sheldon, as he made for the campfire and sat down, next to the group. “I’ve prepared a number of topics that should appeal to both the advanced and novice conversationalist.”

The ponies eyed each other quizzically as Sheldon continued.

“Should we - as a collective science - extract the DNA of the Turritopsis nutricula, to serve our own childish fantasies of immortality? Discuss.”

“What are you talking about, Sheldon?” asked Twilight.

“Intellectual debates over a campfire are a fundamental aspect to nomadic lore; since we’re here, I concluded we should fully immerse ourselves in the culture.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” added Rainbow, as she got up and began to walk to her tent. “That’s my cue to hit the sack, night’ girls.”

“Good idea,” agreed Twilight, rising to her hooves. “I’m awfully tired and we’ve got a lot to do tomorrow - good night everypony.”

“Wait, hang on a minute,” protested Sheldon, “Where am I supposed to sleep?”

“Oh yeah, about that…” began Twilight, stopping midtrack.

“Yes?”

“Well, we kind of had a bet while you were unconscious earlier,” admitted Twilight, sheepishly. “Whoever lost the bet, had to share the tent with you…”

“And who-”

“I lost the bet,” groaned Rainbow, unzipping the entrance to her tent. “You better pray to Celestia that you don’t snore, cus’ if you do we’re gonna have a problem.”

“This is preposterous,” declared Sheldon, folding his arms. “I shall not share my sleeping quarters with a horse; I’m not in debt with the mafia - you can’t just assign an equine to my area of slumber and expect everything to be okay, think of all the hygienic issues!”

“Sleep outside by yourself then,” said Rainbow with a yawn. “Works for me.”

“Good night, Sheldon,” concluded Twilight, entering her own tent. “Try to get some sleep, okay.”

The sound of the last remaining tent’s zip signified the desertion of the camp - leaving Sheldon alone, sitting next to the slowly dimming fire.

This is completely and utterly outrageous, a malevolent act of pure malice that I won’t tolerate

A loud growl from his stomach reminded him, he still hadn’t eaten anything.

This isn’t acceptable, my basic cognitive functions are going to decline at this rate, my nutritional reserves require replenishment

“Psst..”

“What?” said Sheldon, apprehensively scanning the nearby forestry. “Who’s there? Show yourself!”

“Psst! Sheldon, over here!” the voice called out, echoing through an assemblage of darkened bushes.

“H- how do you know my name?” bleated Sheldon uneasily, immediately rising to his feet. “I should warn you, I’ve watched many instructional videos on krav maga!”

The voice sounded eerily familiar, but Sheldon couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“Settle down, I’m on your side,” the voice assured, “Come over here, there’s something you need to see…”

“Very well, I shall,” conceded Sheldon, cautiously making his way to the bushes. “I should inform you however, if this is indeed a ploy against me - I can scream ‘It’s a trap!’ in Admiral Ackbar’s accent so loud, all authorities within a mile radius will be alerted and you’ll be arrested.”

“Be quiet!” insisted the voice, in a hushed tone. “We need to be discreet about this, don’t wake up any of the others.”

“Well, the fact that you’re advising me to remain unobtrusive confirms that this is some form of nefarious activity,” replied Sheldon, stepping through the shrubbery. “But I digress, my curiosity is piqued.”

The vicinity was shrouded in darkness, leaving Sheldon to navigated the foliage by sense of touch alone. He spent minutes struggling against overbearing greenery and tangled vines - much to the dismay of the mysterious voice.

“Get a move on, Sheldon!” the voice ordered, frustratedly.“I’ve told you already, they’re just vines, you’re not being strangled by a boa constrictor!”

“How would you know?” retorted Sheldon, advancing onward. “You’re wearing night-vision goggles at this very moment, are you?”

“Just keep going,” said the voice, followed by a long sigh.

After much exertion, Sheldon finally reached the woodland’s exit, and pushed forward into a small, softly lit clearing. And he couldn’t believe what he saw.He’d seen a lot of strange thing since he had arrived in Equestria, but this was by far the strangest.

A bulky, candlelit tree stood in the center of the clearing. And upon the tree dangled hundreds of thousands of candy bars, among other things.

Chocolate milkshake, cotton candy, lollipops, candy canes - even jelly beans and gummy bears. An entire childhood fantasy hung from the tree, replacing the leaves entirely.

And at the very top of the tree, sat a peculiar creature. It had the head of equine, but that’s all it had, compared to the horses Sheldon was familiar with.

A deer antler stuck out to the right, and a goat horn to the left. A reptilian tail slithered down the tree’s side, carelessly resting on one of the branches below. The creature glared at Sheldon through yellow, snake-like eyes, and a faint smile emerged upon it’s face.

“Ah, Sheldon - I’ve been expecting you…”

Sheldon collapsed to his knees; his hands shook with violent tremors and his breathing became rapid. He could feel his heartbeat pulsing through his veins.

He knew he had heard that voice before. He mentally kicked himself for his earlier foolishness, how could he not have figured it out sooner...

He looked up at the creature with almost pleading eyes.

“Mister John de Lancie, is that you?”

The Allegiance Alteration

The gentle chirping of distant crickets echoed throughout the still night, creating a serene ambience of pure tranquility. The nearby hooting of neighbouring owls continued ceaselessly - syncing together to create a soothing orchestra of nocturnal vocalists.

Hundreds of fireflies filled the forest air and illuminated the night sky; the tiny orbs of light slowly drifted from one side to the other, as if riding an invisible wave. The stunning spectacle flooded through the confines of the ponies’ tents below, creating an intimate burst of color that ran across the interior, wrapping it’s inhabitants in a blanket of euphoria.

However, despite the immaculate conditions, sleep wouldn’t come for one particularly restless unicorn. The muffled sound of a perpetually shifting sleeping bag abolished the peaceful atmosphere, as the aggravated unicorn once again adjusted her position and rolled over onto her opposite side for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Celestia help me,” groaned Twilight into her pillow, lifting her tired head upwards to glare at her alarm clock through half-lidded eyes.

2:01 am

A long, exasperated sigh escaped her lips as she nudged aside her sheets and wriggled out of her sleeping bag.

Her tent was fairly well organised; her saddlebag lay folded neatly in the corner, whilst the few books she brought with her were stacked elegantly to the side of her pillow. Twilight had always been an organised pony, and old habits die hard - even in the middle of a remote, exotic and possibly dangerous forest.

Still, regardless of the uncluttered environment, she took utmost care to avoid contact with any objects she brought with her - lest the noise wake up the others - as she treaded lightly towards the zipped entrance of her nylon enclosure.

“Maybe some fresh air will help me sleep,” whispered Twilight, the tip of her horn glowed a soft, transparent purple which soon latched on to the tent’s zipper, yanking it downwards and unfurling the dense, leafy green expansion that awaited outside.

The cold outdoor breeze struck Twilight like a train. She clenched her weary eyes shut, the forceful wind instigating unwanted moisture as it thrashed her frontage, sending chills up her spine.

She took a few steps forward, forcing herself upright as she shrugged aside the gale. She quickly regained her vision, craning back her neck to behold the darkened woodlands in it’s entirety.

There was an odd, almost transcendental beauty to the forest, come nightfall. The moon’s bright, unearthly glow descended across the landscape, submerging the plantation in a sea of serenity.

The measly campfire of earlier persisted to burn in the camp’s center, although only just. It’s slowly dimming light offered little in the terms of visibility - so little in fact, Twilight had almost missed the distinct rainbow-colored tail poking out beside the flames.

“Rainbow?” asked Twilight, squinting as she stepped towards the shadowy figure. “Is that you?”

“Huh?” squeaked the voice, momentarily startled by the sudden intrusion.

A large pair of magenta eyes emerged from behind the campfire, glaring at Twilight through the dark, gloomy void.

“Oh, hey Twi,” exclaimed Rainbow, patting the ground beside her with an extended wing, “You can’t sleep either, huh?”

“Is it really that obvious?” chuckled Twilight, as she made for the campfire and took a seat next to her friend. “I haven’t suffered from insomnia since I was a filly, I thought I got over it - I did get over it. I can’t wrap my head around why it’s come back all of a sudden.”

“It’s probably the forest,” answered Rainbow with a yawn. “Kinda hard to relax when you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by wildlife that just won’t shut up and let anypony catch a nap.”

“Yeah, maybe…”

A weary silence engulfed the campsite once again. The fading fire pulsated a soft, crackling whimper, with the occasional popping noise that signaled the expansion of tiny pockets of trapped air.

Twilight gazed up longingly towards the sky. A translucent ripple of radiant color washed across it’s surface, painting a luminous mirage of a vibrant river. It’s sides curved, almost snake-like, as it slithered across the ethereal plane.

“Hey, Twi,” interjected Rainbow, pointing towards a group of distant stars. “Isn’t that the weird hourglass looking thingy you keep talking about?”

Twilight shifted her sight to the aforementioned spot and inspected it thoroughly. Her saucer shaped eyes expanded, and lit up like candles upon witnessing the revelation before her.

“Orion!” gasped Twilight, turning to face her friend with stunned awe. “So you did read those books on star constellations I gave you!”

“Nope,” replied Rainbow, rolling her eyes. “You just mention it so often, it’s kinda stuck in my head, I guess.”

“You’re a terrible liar,” accused Twilight, a smug smirk plastered across her face. “You did read those books I gave you!”

“F-fine,” conceded Rainbow, tilting her head away from the campfire - a vain attempt to conceal the blazing blush present in her cheeks. “Maybe I skimmed through a couple pages, I figured you’d be offended if I didn’t, ya know?”

“Excuses,” said Twilight, quietly giggling to herself as she rose to her hooves. “Anyway, I’m off to bed. If I don’t get some sleep, I might not wake up on time - and If I don’t wake up on time, who’s going to wake everypony else up?”

“I dunno, Pinkie?”

“I wouldn't count on it,” replied Twilight, carefully trotting back towards her tent. “Good night, Rainbow. Good luck.”

“Good luck?”

“With Sheldon I mean,” said Twilight, a lengthy yawn eroding her throat. “Try not to wake him when go back to bed, for your own sake.”

“Wait, what?” asked Rainbow, her bewildered eyes bounced between Twilight’s tent and her own. “You mean Sheldon isn’t sleeping in your tent?”

...

Twilight paused, her breathing became rapid as a surge of adrenaline instantaneously shot down her spine.

“No…” she answered, panic etched across her concerned expression. “Why would he be? You lost the bet, therefore he’s sleeping with you tonight… right?”

“He sure as hay isn’t sleeping in my tent,” said Rainbow, giving a swift flap of her wings to boost herself upwards. “I thought he bailed, you saw how he acted earlier. I figured he probably went crawling back to you - since, ya know - he’s slept over at yours before, right? And him and I don’t really see eye-to-eye much either.”

“Perfect. Just perfect,” groaned Twilight, momentarily disappearing into the confines of her tent, only to emerge seconds later, a flashlight clenched between her teeth.

“Uh, what are you doing?” asked Rainbow, eyeing her irritated friend with intrigue.

“M’ gn ‘t’ lu’ fur’ mm.”

“What?”

“I’m going to look for him,” replied Twilight, using her magic to levitate the flashlight out her mouth.

She gave the flashlight a quick jab, triggering a bright beam of light which she aimed towards the nearby forestry. With limited but adequate visibility, she began her one-pony search party, marching forwards into the unknown wilderness.

“Come on, Twi,” called out Rainbow from behind her. “Sheldon may be an idiot, but he’s not that much of an idiot that he’d wander out into some dangerous forest by himself!”

“I’m not suggesting he did,” said Twilight, leaning forwards as she closely examined the ground, checking for any sign of footprints. “Who knows what sort of creatures are lurking in these woods, maybe he was kidnapped!”

“Kidnapped. Sheldon? Really?” snickered Rainbow, shaking her head frantically. “Who the hay would want to kidnap Sheldon? I mean, when you kidnap somepony you usually want something valuable, right? The only thing anypony’s gonna get from kidnapping Sheldon is a headache, an unnecessarily long lecture about their lifestyle and some pointless facts about garbage you don’t even care about!”

“That’s exactly what I’m worried about!” responded Twilight, carefully checking behind trees and bushes for any trace of the physicist. “What if he says something stupid - like he usually does - and upsets them or something? I doubt they’ll be as patient with him as we've been.”

“C’mon Twi, relax,” coaxed Rainbow, “You’re over-reacting, he’s probably just sleeping in AJ’s tent, she is his ‘mom’ after all.”

Twilight halted her forage and peered back at the campsite. Applejack’s tent stood off to the side, neighbouring Rainbow’s and Rarity’s tents respectively. An orange insignia depicting three side-by-side apples was inscribed upon a yellow flag which sat atop the tent’s peak, blowing violently in the wind.

“That does make sense,” conceded Twilight, shoving aside her flashlight as she slowly strolled back to the campsite. “We should check though, just to be sure.”

“What if he’s asleep and you wake him up?” asked Rainbow, “I’m sure Applejack’s had a tough enough day, hauling that idiot all the way here. The last thing she’d want is for us to go barging in and causing a scene with Sheldork.”

“But-”

“Trust me,” assured Rainbow, approaching Twilight before lightly nudging her back in the direction of her tent. “Go get some sleep, I’ll deal with Sheldon.”

“Okay, fine,” sighed Twilight, her dreary eyes gave the vicinity one last paranoid once-over, before a sudden, unexpected yawn reminded her just how exhausted she really was.

“Just, promise me you’ll check that he’s with Applejack before you go to bed.”

“I will,” said Rainbow, “Now get going, you’re up super early tomorrow.”

“Don’t remind me,” quipped Twilight, as she made her way back to the polyester entrance of her shelter. “Thanks, Rainbow, I appreciate it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Technically it’s today,” pointed out Rainbow, “But whatever, night’ Twi.”

The last vestige of lavender faded away into darkness, the distinct sound of a zipper sealing the opening - the portal - that safeguarded the warmth of indoors from the harsh, windy tundra of outside.

Rainbow shivered. Despite her best effort, her wings refused to wrap around her sides any tighter. Her shaky breath emitted tiny clouds of vapor, which soon dissipated into nothingness.

With the previously blazing campfire fundamentally extinguished; aside from the smouldering remains of blackened kindling, no viable heat-source existed. With the increasingly violent wind bombarding the wilderness, a majority of the creatures that once inhabited the area had deserted, escaping the nature’s relentless siege - into the comfort of their burrows.

Rainbow didn't blame them, in fact, she felt exactly the same way. Her short journey towards Applejack’s tent was painfully interrupted by an icy-cold gust of air, smashing her in the face. The force was palpable, almost sending her hurling to the ground.

Regaining her composure was easy, but regaining her will to continue proved to be more of a challenge. She stared blankly at the vague outlines of Applejack’s refuge, entrenched deeply within a gloomy shroud of shadows.

This is pointless, Sheldon’s probably fine, so why even bother…

Before she could even ponder her rhetorical question, a sudden bright, flash of lightning answered it for her.

Scurrying back to her tent as fast as she could, Rainbow gave one last hastened glance back, at Applejack’s abode.

Not a chance, sorry Twi.

* * *

Sheldon struggled to maintain his posture. His turbo-charged mind had gone overload, and his heart threatened to burst forth, out of his chest.

His various emotions ran rampant, mixing and merging together, to the point where even Sheldon himself knew not, what he felt inside. Fear, admiration and confusion were all good words, but none of them truly nailed it down.

The one thing Sheldon was absolutely certain of; if this was the real John de Lancie, then he must not screw it up like he did back at Comic-con. Sheldon had always been at least adequately confident when it came to conversations with new people, but for some inexplicable reason, the mere notion of meeting his idols at a comic convention sent shivers down his spine.

When the big day finally arrived - as did his turn in the autograph queue - the words refused to come out, instead leaving him standing there, a stupid expression plastered across his face. It was an awkward and embarrassing experience Sheldon had soon hoped to forget.

“John de Lancie?” interjected the draconequus, bringing a claw to his goatee flaunting chin. “Oh, no-no-no, my dear boy - I think you have me confused with someone else, I’m afraid.”

Oh…

Sheldon wasn't sure whether disappointment or relief was the more suitable emotional response at the given time, regardless he felt both.

“Now, now, Sheldon - there’s no need to feel disheartened,” continued the strange creature, abandoning his position at the tree’s peak, using his serpent-esq tail to swing behind the tree’s trunk, out of view. “I can be anything you want me to be, you just have to ask.”

Sheldon was at a loss for words. Pseudo-suggestive lingual aside, he did have a lot of questions. How did the creature know his name? Why did it sound so familiar to his idolized Star Trek hero? Why did it request Sheldon’s presence in the first place?

All of these questions and more were to be answered momentarily, as an abrupt “Incoming!” from behind the tree, signaled an imminent arrival - as the strange creature cannon-balled through the branches. It’s circular form wavered, it’s appearance akin to something the likes of Sonic the Hedgehog - before finally landing a few feet in front of Sheldon.

With the creature’s adjacent proximity, Sheldon had ample opportunity to scrutinize it’s bizarre demeanour, except something was wrong.

Gone, was the draconequus’ previous aesthetic - regaining its footing, the creature rose to it’s full stature. Upon it’s chest, adorned a modified Starfleet outfit, almost identical to the original series, save for small holes for the creature’s wings.

It gazed at Sheldon with all-knowing eyes, a faint grin emerging across it’s devilishly expression. It became apparent the creature’s over-the-top theatrics weren't as random as initially perceived, he knew what he was doing; trying to provoke a reaction.

And it was working.

“Captain Q, of the USS Enterprise-D - at your service, Dr Sheldon Cooper.”

...

John de Lancie is… roleplaying with me?

The thunderous drumming of Sheldon’s heartbeat battered his ribcage, his tremulous breath fluctuating uncontrollably.

“I-is that really you, Mister de Lancie?”

“No,” stated the draconequus, bringing a claw to it’s mouth as it let out a huge yawn. “In fact, I’m not Q either.”

“Still… if I were John de Lancie,” continued the creature, “I’d be asking for an apology for that awkward plateau of Italian cuisine, that was our previous encounter, wouldn't you agree?”

A bewildering burning sensation scorched Sheldon’s thighs; only by glancing downwards did he discover a searing trail of boiling spaghetti oozing out of his pockets, and down the sides of his legs.

“Wha-” gasped Sheldon, stumbling backwards in a vain attempt to distance himself from the strange creature. Despite his best efforts, no amount of scrubbing would halt the never-ending spiral of spaghetti which continued to pool forth.

“How did you - who are you?” demanded Sheldon, plugging both his pockets with his wrists. His sickly expression morphed into a nauseating green, as his fists lay imprisoned in an ocean of slimy strings of pasta, oil and sauce.

“Now, now, Sheldon - I’m disappointed in you. I honestly thought someone as intellectually gifted as yourself would have figured it out by now, I mean, isn't it obvious?”

“Excuse me?” said Sheldon, unplugging his hands from the Italian cauldron that was brewing in his pockets to point a dramatic finger at his adversary. “If you’re that familiar with my current profession then it should be apparent to you that I am, in fact, a physicist; not some gypsy fortune-teller capable of harnessing fictitious telepathy, the likes of Professor X.”

“You and I are the same, Sheldon,” proclaimed the draconequus, ignoring the physicist’s previous statement. “Two sides of the same coin.”

“Enough of the cryptic analogies, what are you getting at?” demanded Sheldon.

“Here, let me show you,” added the creature, a quick snap of his fingers instigating a bright, blue veil, which soon deluged Sheldon’s vision, as well as the surrounding area.

The unknown vapour was dense. Thick enough to completely obscure all perceivable aesthetic, leaving the physicist isolated within an uncertain echelon of sapphire smog.

“I may not possess an authoritative degree in Chemistry, but I don’t need one to inform you of the legal ramifications of plasma scorching aluminum oxide to create blue smoke, on a public premises!”

“Now, now, Sheldon - let’s not jump to conclusions,” echoed the draconequus, it’s omnipotent voice emanated from all directions, simultaneously.

“Ask yourself, Sheldon, how did you get here?”

“If you’re referring to the forest in which we both currently reside; I walked,” said Sheldon, a frown emerging across his expression. “Surely your mental capacity can’t be that atrociously deficient, that you fail to recall yourself, requesting my presence in the first place.”

“No, no, no, before the campsite, before I called you over; how did you get here?” persisted the creature.

“I walked, took a train, and then walked; in that order,” retorted Sheldon, cupping his hands over his ears. “Now would you please reveal yourself, and refrain from vocalizing your intone in such a way, that it envelops my whereabouts and inundates my every orientation. It’s incredibly nauseating, and I fear an unwanted psychedelic experience may ensure - I believe ‘trippy’ is the term, used by the tree-huggers.”

“Okay, we’re not making any progress here,” dismissed the creature, an exaggerated cough escaping it’s throat. “Let’s try this, instead…”

As if orchestrated beforehand, a sudden beam of luminescent energy surfaced before Sheldon’s eyes, it’s fluorescent glow merged together - forming the silhouette of a familiar pony.

Sheldon would have been forgiven for mistaking the strange, esoteric light-source for the electromagnetic wavelengths of a Particle accelerator, but his methodical delusions were soon refuted, as the fragmented figure quickly materialized into an eerily spectral, lavender colored phantom equine.

The illusory pony gazed at Sheldon with it’s large, saucer-shaped eyes.

“That’s the purple horse from our unnecessary fellowship, that I've been obliged to partake in - against my will, of course,” noted Sheldon, returning the stare with caution. “Twilight Snarkle, I think it was. She claims to be the leader, but over the course of our travels, she’s yielded no noticeable, authoritative traits. I've frequently proposed a reshuffle in the commanding hierarchy, but I've been continuously outvoted by her equine compatriots, so why even bother.”

The conspicuous apparition offered no immediate response, instead, maintained it’s vacant, impassive glare, which persisted to cut through Sheldon like a knife through butter.

“Oh, now that’s just dreadful,” said the draconequus, hovering into view with it’s comically undersized, dissimilar wings. “Those pony folk can be such a mean bunch, especially this one.”

“On the contrary, I found the purple horse to be the most tolerable of the group,” replied Sheldon, “Though her less-than-stellar convictions, and insufferable obsession with ‘friendship’ does negatively transfigure my opinion of her, she at least possesses an ounce of intellect and common sense in most circumstantial situations. Unlike the rainbow-maned one… her infuriating endeavour to thwart my every notion with her imprudent, misguided logic, makes me evermore grateful that Humankind need not capitulate to the demands of talking equines in real life.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you just said, Sheldon-my-boy!” admitted the draconequus, gleefully fluttering towards the physicist, before offering a playful nudge. “But that’s fine, because I’m pretty sure it segways perfectly into the point I was going to make in the first place.”

An abrupt snap of the creature’s fingers instigated yet another apparel shift. This time, the draconequus wore a bold, expertly contrived, black tuxedo. An extra large bag of popcorn lay nestled between his right arm, whilst he scooped up handfuls with his left.

“Take it away, Miss Sparkle,” the creature requested, in between mouthfuls.

The previously motionless phantom pony nodded it’s head in acknowledgement, and took a deep breath, closing it’s eyes in concentration. It’s partially translucent lungs now filled with air, it took a confident step forward and began it’s performance.

“Dear Princess Celestia, I love books! Books are great, reading is healthy and should be encouraged! My favorite book is ‘Lament of a Conjurer: Volume five’ by Star Swirl the Bearded! I like this book because it’s about magic, and I like magic too! When I was just a filly, I was enrolled into Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, where I learned about magic! I was so good at magic, that Princess Celestia took me under her wing and made me her apprentice! She sent me to Ponyville to learn about the magic of friendship! I like friendship too! My favorite friends are: Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash…”

“Dear lord, make it stop!” whaled Sheldon, shaking his head in discomfort. “I’m still oblivious to whatever mumbo-jumbo point, this regrettably perplexing nonsense has been supposedly leading up to. It’s like the disappointing grand finale of the TV series Lost, all over again… I still repent buying the Blu-ray Box set.”

“The point is; horses don’t talk,” stated the draconequus, rummaging through his popcorn bag. “So how is it that that horse can talk? You've been talking to horses for the past twenty-four hours, did you not think to point out this discrepancy?”

“Really?” snorted Sheldon, “Is this the supposed epitome of yourself, calling me over here - to promptly blow my mind, and reveal to me that, in fact, none of this actually exists? That in reality, I lay unconscious in the cold corridor of my University’s physics department. Do you take me for a fool?”

“So… you know, then?”

“Of course, I know!” sneered Sheldon, crossing his arms. “The truth couldn't have appeared more obvious, even if it tried. What other scientific explanation could have presented itself, in the face of six abnormally colored, cringe-worthy, talking equines. I've never wielded, nor utilized any illegal substance or narcotic, and I don’t partake in the consumption of alcoholic beverages.”

“Well then, why didn't you say so!” bemused the draconequus, a final snap of it’s fingers returned the heavily altered environment back to it’s original, calm state. “Now that we've got all the boring bits out the way, I believe some introductions are in order.”

“I’d argue these subsequent introductions are objectionably belated, and should have been disclosed long before this conversation even initiated,” snorted Sheldon, “But please, continue.”

“I am Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony,” proclaimed the creature, stepping forward with confidence. “I’m also the personification of your subconscious, so you could say I run the show around here.”

“You’re the manifestation of my subconscious? That’s a bold claim,” stated Sheldon, bringing an inquisitive hand to his chin. “If that’s truly the case, assist my departure - wake me up, right now - let me be done with this place.”

“Oh, Sheldon…” began Discord, a melodramatic purr in his tone. “I would love nothing more than to send you back home, really, I would.”

“Well then, what’s the problem?”

“The problem,” declared Discord, reaching into the depths of his left earlobe, only to emerge seconds later, a wax-covered scroll clutched between his yellow, bony fingers. “The problem, are these six ponies.”

“I’m not touching that,” said Sheldon, prompting the draconequus to unfurl the waxy parchment from a safe, germ-free distance.

With comfortable space between the feculent manuscript and Sheldon, the physicist examined its contents at arm’s length. The worn scroll depicted the six ominous portraits of six familiar ponies. Each stood in front of prison-esq measurement wall, holding a name-card between their hooves. Each gave a stern, merciless stare at the would-be camera, photographing their final conviction.

It didn't take long for Sheldon to arrive at an abrupt conclusion.

“These are the same horses of whom I've been sharing my company.”

“Why yes! They are indeed,” concurred the draconequus, nimbly re-rolling the parchment back into it’s original spiral, before thrusting it’s body up a nostril. “And it’s our job to get rid of them.”

“What do you mean, our job?” asked Sheldon, recoiling his eyes from the two mucus tunnels, embroiled in the creature’s repulsive antics. “Unless you’re suggesting I’m currently living a homologous existence, straight out of the movie Inception - and these ponies are, in fact, dream extractors, infiltrating my subconscious to plant an idea relative to whatever corporate espionage shenanigans are unfolding in the real world.”

“Sure, whatever, why not,” said Discord. “The details are irrelevant, what is relevant though, is that until we rid Equestria of these six ponies, you’ll never wake up.”

“Never wake up?” repeated Sheldon. “While that’s certainly an incentive, you’ll forgive me if I question the cognitive reasoning utilized in arriving at that conclusion. I’m not in a coma, I’m unconscious.”

“Oh, Sheldon - do you really not believe your own subconscious, don’t you trust yourself?” asked Discord, inching closer to the disgruntled physicist. “Come on, Sheldon, you’re better than this, when was the last time you've ever been wrong about, well, anything?”

“Yes, well, as flattering as your comments are; how am I to be sure they represent nothing more than a ruthlessly calculated red herring, masquerading as a trojan horse, carefully planted to appeal to my emotional fallacies and concede with your unverified argument.”

“Oh~ Sheldon, woe is me, my heart bleeds at such an disconcerting accusation,” bellowed Discord. “Surely, if this were just some scheme, someone with your intelligence would easily see through it.”

“That’s true, I would,” conceded Sheldon, his eyes panning across the nearby shrubbery. “Well then, specifics aside, I assume you've conceived a thoughtfully precise, laid-out plan, on how we’re actually going to eliminate these equines?”

“Why yes, I have!” beamed Discord, bouncing over to Sheldon’s side with an unprecedented level of enthusiasm. He reached behind his ear, before pulling out a large, stained map - seemingly from nowhere. “We, and by we, I mean you, are going to sneak into Twilight’s tent, and switch her map for this fake one. Easy, right?”

“Okay…” began Sheldon, grasping the map with a hesitant hand. “And just how is this relevant whatsoever?”

“Oooh, goody - I’m so pleased that you asked!” said Discord, clearing his throat before adorning a sombre expression. “Twilight and her friends - and, by contrast - you, are headed south, in search of the Mazorak Caves, or some nonsense like that.”

“Against my will,” added Sheldon. “But please, continue.”

“Right, so anyhow, Princess Celestia has given Twilight a map, which we can only assume she’s being using up until this point to navigate through the jungle,” explained Discord. “Now, she’s making awfully alarming progress, and seems to be closing in on these caves rather quickly; we can’t have that.”

“We can’t?”

“We can’t.”

“Now, if Twilight keeps up this pace, well, we’ll be in trouble,” continued Discord. “You see, I have this special amulet, it’s a pretty nifty little thing, let’s me do a bunch of fun things. But, I can’t use it all the time, I need to return it to the cave every twenty-four hours to, err, recharge it.”

“Rechargeable amulets?” repeated Sheldon. “I wish I could spontaneously appear more surprised, but I fear my predicament has finally desensitized me to accept the harsh truth that I really am caught between a rock and a crazy place.”

“Yes, yes, very interesting - back to what I was saying,” interjected the draconequus. “The plan, our plan, is lure Twilight and her friends - using the fake map - to an ambush point. You’ll go with them, of course, and pretend to be none the wiser. Once there, you’ll announce your defection, I’ll zap em’ with the amulet and boom! There'll be candy n’ streamers and party hats, and everybody will be celebrating and blah, blah, blah… I haven’t thought the last bit through yet, but it doesn't matter.”

“And just to confirm, if I partake in this, you’ll send me back home, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, I suppose I have no choice,” said Sheldon, folding the stained map, before tucking it down his back pocket. “And, I should probably add, since this is a covert operation, we should follow the stereotypical undercover agent protocol, and refer to each other using alternate aliases.”

“Uh, well, don’t take this personally, Sheldon, but I was hoping to avoid contact with you until the ambush itself, as it were,” admitted Discord, gazing sheepishly to the side of the physicist. “It’s not that I find you completely insufferable, no, not anything of the sort! I just have…. other arrangements I need to check on, so aliases shouldn't be necessary.”

“Nonsense, of course aliases are necessary!” objected Sheldon, much to the dismay of the draconequus. “From this point onwards, you’ll be known as ‘Q’, and I’ll be ‘Spock’. We’ll refer to the ambush as ‘Operation: Bronco Butcher’. If I need to contact you, I’ll use tree sap to paint a message in Klingon, so make sure you’re proficient with the language, and-”

“Yes, bravo - wonderful idea, Sheldon - truly mesmerising stuff,” interjected Discord, half-heartedly. “I should probably be leaving right about now, so unless you have any questions, I suggest we part ways.”

“Iv sheldon? spock pongwIj'e', qaw.”

“What?”

“That’s Klingon for: Who is Sheldon? I’m Spock, remember.”

“Ah yes, ‘Klingon’, of course,” said Discord, his slowly drooping eyes matched his dull expression rather eloquently. “Farewell, ‘Spock’, I’ll be in touch if I need to, albeit reluctantly.”

“I should hope so,” said Sheldon.”The Devil’s in the details, as my mother says. If any changes are made to the plan without my knowledge, and I’m not informed, well, I’d be effectively rendered as one of Heisenberg's particles; I know where the plan takes place, or I know when the plan takes place, but I can’t know both…”

The whirling wind swept over the nearby forestry, the branches crackling to life in response. Mountains of leaves dashed across the grassy undergrowth, dancing to the fine-tuned harp of mother nature.

The dubious silence quickly became apparent - as did the seemingly absent reply - with a swift survey of the area. The draconequus had already departed.

“Well, that’s rude,” mused Sheldon, shaking off the few crumpled leaves that had landed on his shoe. “I wasn't even offered a hot beverage, who knew subconscious embodiments were so impertinent.”

He sighed, reaching into his back pocket for the folded map. It’s surface was tarnished, it’s corners ragged, like that of an old treasure map you’d find in Pirate movies, usually from Disney.

“I shudder to imagine how people lived before Google Maps,” pondered Sheldon, beginning his journey back towards the camp site. “The prospect of relying on a flimsy piece of paper for navigation is absurd, anarchal even.”

He gave the worn map one last glance before tucking it back into the depths of his buttoned pouch.

I suppose I should get this over with.

* * *

Twilight yawned, slowly sinking deeper into the ocean of warm, cushy fabric on which she lay. Her consciousness drifting away, like that of a shipwrecked survivor, sitting atop a wooden raft, floating along the tropical sea.

All the day’s stresses and worries didn't matter anymore. She could visualize them, floating away like bubbles. She even named them as they passed her, ascending high into the clouds.

Her eyelids were heavy, like two massive wrecking balls they pulled her down, deeper and deeper, submerging her in the big blue waves of ecstasy. She could feel herself letting go… coasting along a silk road into the realm of slumber.

But then she heard it.

It was subtle at first, like a pack of rats scurrying amongst clutter. Except this was a jungle, and there’s no such thing as ‘jungle rats’, at least beknown to Twilight.

The unlikely possibility of furry rodent intruders was quickly dismissed however, with the unmistakable ‘rip’ of peeling velcro, emerging from corner of her tent.

Twilight gulped. The truth suddenly became crystal clear, and it terrified her.

Someone is in her tent. Someone is going through her saddlebag.

She isn't alone.

“H-hello?” said Twilight, the cold air condensing her shaky breath into hazy clouds of steam. “Is
anypony there?”

In retrospect, the non-existent response should have provided comfort, maybe all this was just in her head after all. She would love nothing more than to conform to such silly, though, reassuring thoughts. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

Shivering, she grasped her sleeping bag tightly. The cold tingle of sweat ran down her spine; her hooves shook with fearful tremors.

Having suffered from severe night terrors as a filly, Twilight knew the longer she waited, the harder - and scarier - it’d be to confront whatever had taken residence in her humble abode.

She had to act soon.

Still shaking, she silently prepared an illumination spell, the brightest she had. Using magic when you’re half-asleep is never a good idea, and often proved unsuccessful, yet recent events had given her somewhat of an adrenaline rush.

Well, here goes nothing…

Within a flash, a bright, almost blinding beam of light, shot forth - as did Twilight herself - from beneath the covers. Her bagged eyes and dreary expression didn't appear nearly as confident or intimidating as Twilight had hoped, yet, against all odds, served their purpose adequately, startling the would be intruder who elicit a terrified shriek.

With the tent now fully illuminated, an exhausted Twilight stepped forwards to confront the trespasser, who, as it turns out, wasn't nearly as threatening as initially perceived. However, on a scale of ‘Something you’d least like to bump into in a dark alley’, this particular culprit would likely score much, much higher.

“Sheldon?”

“Oh, hello Twilight,” said Sheldon, sheepishly inching closer to the tent’s exit. “How’s your menstrual cycle proceeding? Relatively painless, I hope.”

“I- what?” sputtered Twilight. “What are you- why are you here? Why have you been looking through my saddlebag?”

“Yes, good question, I’d also ask that, were I in your predicament,” replied Sheldon, avoiding eye contact as best he could. “Now, to answer such a question, we first need to consider the philosophical implications of searching through a storage compartment…”

“Sheldon, just answer the question-”

“...The laws of Quantum Mechanics state, that there’s absolutely no sense in questioning a particle’s definite position until it’s measured. With that in mind, I propose the following hypothesis: Until you actively observe myself accessing your private storage device, there’s no point in questioning whether I did look through, or, hypothetically, what my intentions might have been.”

“Celestia help me, Sheldon, stop trying to weasel out of it!” said Twilight, trudging over to inspect her baggage. “What was you really looking for, huh? It’s nearly three o'clock in the morning for pony’s sake! You’re obviously here for a reason.”

“Fine, I concede,” added Sheldon. “I was searching for…”

Come on, Sheldon, think. You have an Eidetic memory and an IQ of 187. What are middle aged males usually looking for when they peruse the personal belongings of close female acquaintances?

“... Female undergarments.”

“Uh,” began a speechless Twilight. Surely she’d misheard that. Whether she did or not, the answer wouldn't conceal the now-blazing inferno present in her cheeks.

“I-I didn't pack- I mean, I don’t own any, err, undergarments,” stuttered Twilight, a volcano of butterflies erupting in the pit of her stomach. “If you don’t mind me asking, uh, w-why are you looking for them in the first place?”

“Oh, you know, the usual reasons.”

“And, uh, w-what are the usual reasons?” asked Twilight, afraid yet strangely intrigued by the answer she’d receive.

“I haven’t the faintest idea,” admitted Sheldon, strolling briskly to the tent’s entrance. “Good night, Twilight. Also, in the unlikely event of a nuclear holocaust, good luck.”

“I- uh, thanks,” replied Twilight, peering at the physicist with awe.

The awkwardness was certainly palpable, so thick in fact, you could cut it with a knife. With little to no experience with stallions, let alone relationships in general, Twilight was at a loss.

Was her relationship with Sheldon as distant as she thought? She didn't figure him the type that was into those sorts of things… she needed advice. Perhaps Rarity would be a good place to start.

“Remember, save your bottlecaps,” said Sheldon, withdrawing through the zippered opening, out into the campsite. “And don’t buy any plasma weapons, they’re useless.”

Twilight merely nodded in acknowledgement, waiting for the physicist to fully depart from earshot before letting out a much needed sigh.

Contrary to her initial beliefs, this adventure wasn't nearly as straightforward as she’d thought. The dynamic had shifted, and it’s taken an uncomfortable, incredibly confusing turn.