Cloud Clipper, a prospecting smuggler, runs out of luck and finally get's caught. He thought this was the end until he was given a chance. And that chance forever changed his destiny.
Nopony is born a hero. It is only through their actions that they become as such. And not all heroes start out as outstanding citizens. Some of them started out as victims of fate who turned to unlawful practices as a means of living.
Cloud Clipper was a pony who never had the luxury of a family that could care for him. He did what he had to do in order to survive. Even if it meant living a life of crime serving as a deckhand in a smuggler vessel. Still, he made a decent wage and had adventurous life.
Eventually his luck ran out and the law caught up to him and his crew. His happy day's are done. Or so he thought. Because instead of a sentence, they offered him a choice. Face trial and lose or try his luck and enter basic training in order join the Penal Guard, an elite class of reformed criminals within Princess Twilight's Harmony Guard.
The choice was obvious, but unbeknownst to him, his life and that of those around him would never be the same.
“Well boys, it’s been fun knowing ye!” Our Captain said as the Royal Guards opened the doors of our prison wagon. The old Earth Pony held his head down and sobbed.
We fucked up. We fucked up big time. This was supposed to be just another one of our smuggling runs, but that damn rookie ratted us out. To be honest, she might’ve not actually been a rookie at all.
But that’s not important, what’s important is we got caught piss drunk with our pants down while our weapons sat in the storage closet of our airship. The raid was fast and no one had time to react. Before we knew it, all twenty-three of us were lying face down on the ground while the lawponies seized our cargo of contraband artifacts.
Being the only pegasus in the ship, I could’ve flown if I wasn’t such an idiot as to drink five bottles of hard cider. I cursed my alcoholism silently, making a promise to stop drinking. A hollow promise I know I won’t be able to keep.
One by one we exited the wagon and were escorted into the constabulary building, one by one we got beaten by a club every time we moved a little bit out of line.
It was a cold, dark, night in the Frozen North. I watched as the air I exhaled condensed into a small cloud. If it weren’t for my wool jacket I would’ve been shivering in the cold like some of my coworkers.
I looked down and saw my shackles, the heavy iron chains that prevented me from running away. A sign that I am no longer a free pony. That now, I am a prisoner, a criminal awaiting trial.
Then I saw her at the corner of my eye. I’d recognize that snow white coat, green eyes and gray mane anywhere. That damned pegasus, the same fucking rookie who snitched on us, was talking with one of the Royal Guards. And what’s worse is that she’s wearing the golden armor of the Solar Guard.
That makes it official. She’s a snitch.
“Fucking snitch!” I mumbled. To my surprise, she actually heard it. The bitch looked at me with a smug look on her face.
“Heads up fuckwad!” I heard one of my fellow smugglers, a griffon, shout from behind me. I turned around to see him knock off a few guards and charge at the bitch.
“Go get ‘er, Gorge!” We cheered. “Suckerpunch that bitch!”
“Gorge, no!” Our captain shouted, much to our surprise.
What happened next was too fast for me to process. One second Gorge just knocked out one of the guards trying to restrain him while he prepared to deliver his blow to the snitch and the next he was on the ground with his jaw broken.
“No!” I heard one of my fellow smugglers shout.
“Motherfucker,” I whispered to myself. I didn’t even see the bitch move. “How…” I asked myself. And then I saw her rank badge pinned on the collar of her armor. Turns out she was a corporal in the Royal Guard.
“Move along,” the snitch shouted.
With that said and all our hope gone, we moved along.
Inside we waited as the Guards took my fellow smugglers and led them one by one into some room for Celestia-knows-what. For some reason, they took in the ponies’ first.
Each time a pony came out of that room he either had a sprained leg, broken muzzle or both. I watched each of them as they were led to the mugshot station.
Then it was my turn. I was the last pony to enter the room.
And things… things took an interesting turn.
The room inside looked like your typical interrogation room. There’s a long table in the center with two seats on the opposite ends.
On the other side was a bat pony wearing the night guard armor. From the deadpan look on his face and the badge on his armor’s collar, I’d say he’s a junior officer of some sort.
“Name?” the stallion asked, adjusting his glasses.
“Oh, it’s Sir. Suck-a-cock Mcfuckyou,” I said plainly.
The stallion took of his glasses, stared at me with a blank look, and nodded at somepony behind me.
I felt a wing grab the back of my head. Before I could do anything, my muzzle kissed the table at high speed several times.
“Gah!” I shouted, blood flowing down my nose. It fucking hurt like hell, but not as much as getting fucked over by a pony who I thought was my friend.
“Name?” the pony asked again in a harsher tone.
I took a quick look at the pony behind me, turns out it was the damn snitch. She was standing there with her trademark smug look.
What did I do to deserve this, I was the kindest one to her dammit? Everyone else treated her like shit except for me, and this is how she repays me. Hell, I even covered for her several times because I knew firsthand just how badly rooks are treated by our crew.
“Do you need another nudge, smuggler?” the interrogator asked. “What is your name?”
I spat on the floor in front of the snitch. “Cloud Clipper,” I answered, glaring at the fucking traitor standing in front of me.
“Age?”
“23.”
“Race?”
“Alicorn.”
Once again, I felt my injured muzzle slam into the table.
“Answer seriously, if you please.”
“Fucking pegasus, dammit,” I groaned, rubbing my bloodied muzzle.
The pony stopped and stared at me for a second. Looks like the dumbfuck didn’t actually notice I was a pegasus. Couldn’t blame him though, I was still wearing my jacket after all.
He nodded at the snitch who gently laid my head on the table while she stripped me off.
Thankfully, I looked to the side leaving my muzzle unscaved as my temple hit the table. “Whoa there, Wispy! Take me out to dinner first, jeez!” I joked, which was weird considering my situation.
I was being interrogated and stripped off my clothes and I still found the strength to crack a joke. What makes it even weirder is that Wispy, the snitch, chuckled before coughing in an attempt to hide it.
At this point I took note that her name might actually be something else.
After she finally finished stripping me, I raised both my wings to full view. I was quite short for a pegasus stallion, but my big wings gave me a big advantage at long distance because bigger wings equals better gliding.
“See!” I said, grinning at the interrogator who was scratching his chin.
“What do you think, Corporal?” the interrogator asked.
“He’s a good flyer and a nimble fighter, plus he’s the least scummy pony in the bunch,” she answered. I laughed in disbelief, the bitch’s actually trying to vouch for me. “My guess is he got caught up in the smuggler business cause he’s poor.”
Correct.
“He also probably had no parents or relatives to look out for him when he was young cause he grew up an orphaned street foal.”
Also… correct…
“And because he lacked the educational requirements to be anything else but a scoundrel.”
Motherfucker! This bitch has been snooping around in my diary while I slept, hasn’t she?
“I take it that your recommending him, am I correct?” The interrogator asked.
Somehow I doubt that the snitch would. She’s probably doing this to give me a taste of hope before she smashes it right in front of my fucking face. I wouldn’t put it past this vile bitch.
“Yes. He’s a suitable candidate.”
Okay, she’s vouching for me. But who knows, this might be an organ harvesting scheme.
“Mr. Clipper, have you ever heard of the Harmony Guard?” the interrogator asked, looking at me.
“Princess Twilight’s guard? Of course!” I said. It was a redundant question, everypony in this continent knew of that guard branch. They are the branch of the guard that guards the lands of Princess Twilight and also the branch that does the most fighting.
You see, ever since the bearers of the elements of harmony rose to fame the Royal Guard’s popularity diminished since their job of ensuring the protection of the civilian population prevented them from getting a lot of action. To amend this, both Princess Celestia and Twilight created a new guard branch dedicated to fighting eldritch horrors, demonic apparitions and cults while also serving as the latter’s guard.
This solved one problem while simultaneously creating another one. Because of this sudden change, a new rivalry between the Solar, Lunar and Harmony guards was formed. Not that we smugglers care, it actually made our jobs easy at one point.
And these Solar Guards are telling me they’re part of the recruitment team? What is this some kind of joke or a mock display of professionalism to fool me into thinking that bigotry does not exist within the guard? “So do you wanna harvest my organs or what? I’m a candidate for that right?”
Behind me, I could hear the snitch sigh.
“Weren’t you guys and the HG supposed to hate each other? Then why are you helping those bastards get recruits?”
“Because we don’t care what our branch thinks of their branch. In reality, all this rivalry between the branches is really just it's commanding figures arguing over authority. Us goons don’t really have anything against our comrades.”
A sound explanation. But is he telling the truth or is he purposely recruiting me to undermine the image of the Harmony Guard. The answer was pretty obvious to me since I am a fucking criminal.
“This recommendation is no joke, Mr. Clipper,” the interrogator clarified. “This is an opportunity for you. A get out of jail free card if you will.”
This has to be some kind of joke, but I’ll play along. “Alright! What’s this thing about the Harmony Guard that’s so important?”
“There’s a sect of the Harmony Guard which draws its recruits from convicts. Or soon-to-be convicts in some cases.”
“And you’re telling me this bitch’s recommending me! As in… she’s giving me a recommendation to the guard?” I asked, my eyes locked at the interrogator while I pointed a wing at the snitch behind me. Then I laughed hysterically, slamming my hooves at the table a few times.
“That is correct,” the interrogator nodded. “I’m one of those who approves the candidates. And Corporal Sky Slasher isn’t just a narc, she’s also a surveyor of talent.”
So that’s her real name.
I laughed again. I laughed so hard tears are falling down my cheeks. These ponies really think I’m that gullible. I finally managed to make myself stop only to impulsively do it again.
The two just sighed and waited for me to cool down.
When I finally stopped, the interrogator cleared his throat and took a clipboard from below the table. “Here,” he said, sliding the thing down towards me.
I looked down and saw a very official looking enlistment form. Okay, maybe they aren’t joking about this. “But… but why me?” I asked, turning my eyes to the interrogator. “Sure I’m not as much of an ass as the others, but some of them are a lot more skilled so why not take them instead?”
The interrogator took a deep breath. “We are looking for criminals and undesirables that can be redeemed,” he explained. “Her highness Princess Twilight, bless her kind soul, came up with the idea to establish a group within her guard that’s composed entirely out of reformed criminals serving their time as guards instead of being held up in a prison.”
“That’s pretty neat,” I replied.
“I know,” the interrogator smiled, probably because he noticed I was actually listening. “Her highness is very proud of her Penal Guards, holding them to such a high regard that other units become… jealous.”
“So you can’t recruit them if they’re crimes are too severe?” I said, picking up the clipboard while making sure not to stain it with my blood.
“Yes. We do want to avoid any unnecessary incidents after all. We also can’t recruit ponies if they’re crimes are too light. It’s… complicated, that’s why I prefer to leave the choice to my surveyor,” he answered, biting his lip. “And believe me when I say it’s hard to find a pony who fits in the sweet spot of the recruitment spectrum.”
“So this is for real then, huh?” I asked. Suddenly, I saw a wing drop down a pen in front of me. I looked back and saw Corporal Slasher nodding with a smile.
Whatever this thing is or if it had some sort of catch, I’m in. Beats spending time in prison and having a big zebra split my scrawny ass open in the shower.
And so the two ponies sat there quietly while I signed the form. When I finished, I handed the pen over to the corporal and slid the clipboard back to the interrogator.
“One last thing before I approve your enlistment, Mr. Clipper,” the interrogator said while skimming through the form. “Show me your cutie mark.”
I stood up and gave him a clear view of the damned thing. On my ass was the picture of an steel cloud.
“How’d you get that thing and what does it stand for?”
"It's a sign that my will is unbreakable. That no amount of torture and persuasion will ever break me."
"Can you tell me how you got it?"
"What are you? A fucking cutie mark curator?" I replied. For some reason, I didn't like telling my cutie mark story to complete strangers. "The story ain't important. Just know that I'm not the type of pony to back down on my beliefs."
The interrogator paused, processing my answers while I sat back down. “Wonderful! You’ll fit right in,” the interrogator smile while giving an approving nod before throwing the form in his backpack. “Corporal Slasher, please escort the recruit out the back, our job is done here.”
“Wait, you’re not going to recruit the rest?” I asked, confused as to why they would just turn my other fellow smugglers. “There are a lot of good creatures out there by the hallway, sir. You sure you wouldn’t want to give them a shot?”
“The only ones left out there are donkeys, griffons and zebras,” the interrogator said. “We’re looking for ponies, Mr. Clipper.”
Oh right. I remembered, only ponies are allowed in to join the guard here in mainland Equestria.
I stood up and watched silently as the corporal unshackled me. After she was done I gripped my front legs. The chains were gone but it still felt as if they were there. Weird.
“Come on, Clippy,” the corporal said, grabbing me by the shoulder. “Let’s get you out of here.”
I shook off of her grip. Then I stepped back and glared at her. “Don’t act like nothing happened, corporal. And don’t call me Clippy! Only my friends can call me that.”
The corporal frowned. “Fine!” she grumbled. “Move, Mr. Clipper.”
The two of them escorted me out, the interrogator stopped for a brief moment and had an exchange of words with the pony in charge. I didn’t know what it was but it probably went along the line of ‘Send these non-equines to the slammer.’
We walked through the building for a while, the ponies passing by staring at my bloodied face. I just ginned at them wickedly and they turned away faster than I could blink.
Outside was a medium sized carriage parked beside the street. The corporal opened the door at the back, looked at me and them pointed a hoof inside. “Get in.”
I did as I was told. After all, I’m a soldier now or at least I’ll soon be. And soldiers live to do as they are told. That’s the sad reality of that job and the reason why I dropped out of army boot camp when I was a foolish youngster.
I wanted to be free even if the price of freedom is a life of crime.
I sat down while watching the corporal climb on and seat on the opposite side facing me. The interrogator them slammed the door shut and the two of us were alone. I leaned back and stared at her, making sure she felt my silent judgement.
“Listen man, it’s nothing personal. I was just doing my job!”
Well that didn’t take long. Hell, the carriage hasn’t even moved yet.
I didn’t respond, I just kept glaring at her while saying nothing.
“I know your mad, but do try to understand. You are criminals and I needed to put you down,” she said. Just then I felt the carriage begin to move.
Still no reply from me. I just sat there waiting to see what happens next.
“But, I did see something inside you,” she lied. Spinning up absolute bullshit she must’ve pulled out her ass. “You had a rough life, I know that,” suddenly, she pulled out a thick book from within her breastplate.
It was my motherfucking diary.
I charged in, hooves forward and tried to get it back. To my disappointment, a quick left hoof was all it took to shove me back to my corner. Which was no surprise since she fucking towered over my short frame.
“Whoa there,” she chuckled. “I’m not even done reading it yet.”
Oh no. If she gets to the part where I met her… “Give it back!” I roared, going in for another dive only to be punched again.
“I haven’t even reached the part where you met the old captain,” she smiled while watching me wipe to blood off my nose and eye. I think I might get a black eye out of that last one.
“Can I at least have my jacket back?!” I asked, remembering my jacket from earlier.
“No, I’m keeping it”
And I’m the criminal here?
“I though the way you treated me back when I was undercover was some kind of rouse. But this…” she said, waving my thick diary. “This proves you’re more than just a lowlife. You’re a good pony, Clippy.”
“What did I say about that name,” I growled trying to sound threatening. Though to be honest, it might’ve actually made me look even more pathetic.
“I like the name, it sounds cute,” she chuckled, I just grunted in response. Then I felt heat rushing up my cheeks, I was fucking blushing. Sometimes I hated how my body acted, this is one of those instances. Looking down, I silently prayed that she doesn’t notice.
“Anyway. I really mean it, Clippy,” she said, in a rare serious tone that I’ve only heard come out of her a few times. After that she shoved my diary back inside her armor. “You are a good pony. Life just didn’t treat you as well as it should’ve,” she grasped my cheek.
Oh fuck! I suddenly felt the heat on my cheeks intensify as she lifted my head up so she can see me eye-to-eye.
“That’s why I gave you this chance,” she said, that kind smile and those deep green eyes pierced my soul like a prison shiv. “So please, don’t fuck it up.”
I broke away from her grasp and backed into a corner on the far side of the carriage. “I owe you nothing, Corporal Sky Slasher!”
She just chuckled in response. “You can still call me Wispy, if you’re more comfortable with that name.”
“I don’t want to live that lie all over again, corporal,” I told her, looking away from her in an attempt to hide my beet red face.
Oh boy. I really hope she didn’t notice that.
“Can you promise me.”
“Promise what?”
“That you would not fuck up. That you will take this opportunity to be a better pony and make a positive change in your sad miserable life.”
I sighed. This did seem like a genuine act of kindness, the kind of which I only received one other time. That being the time when the Captain took me under his wing, or hoof in his case.
The least I could do to repay her kindness is to take this thing seriously and maybe, just maybe, to not fuck up.
“Fine!”
“Thanks! That’s all I ask of you, Clippy,” she yawned. I looked at her from the corner of my eye as she took off her armor and laid down on the seat, her head facing the carriage door. “Now get some sleep, it’s a long way to go before we reach Ponyville.”
I sighed, laying down on the seat facing her just in case she tries slitting my throat in my sleep. I still wouldn’t put that kind of thing past her. “Good night,” I said out of pure impulse.
I never meant to say that. What I had in my head was more of a ‘Go fuck yourself’ kind of thing, but I unconsciously wished her a good night instead.
I saw her eyes twitch followed by a chuckle as she turned to face me while she laid down. “Don’t let the bed bugs bite,” she replied before shutting her eyes and yawning.
When I think of it, she may actually have a point. Maybe I am a good pony deep down. Maybe I can do greater things in life. These thoughts lingered around my head as I shut my eyes and turned in for the night.
“I am Sergeant First Class Hard Knock, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when I tell you to, you will act as instructed and you will start and end all your sentences with ‘ma’am’. do you understand!” Our drill instructor said, slowly walking in front of us recruits as she did.
Naturally, we all responded with a “Ma’am, Yes, ma’am!” from the top of our lungs.
I really didn’t expect us to make the entire trip to Ponyville to be that fast, but here I am. Just last night I was a criminal awaiting my trial only to be offered a second chance by the same fucking snitch that ratted us out. Now I’m in some damn barracks at a stone fort sitting in the outskirts of town.
They just dropped me on the ground in front of the fort and a lieutenant picked me up. The officer told me it’s been a while since they’ve gotten one of my kind and that I arrived just in time. The new batch of initiates had just arrived earlier that morning.
The training staff at Fort Applebuck is gonna be busy for the next three months.
There I was standing in my recruit uniform with a black eye and a bandaged nose from last night’s interview. All around me are my fellow recruits, about forty of them, who looked like they’d fit in the filly scouts better than the guard, they were all so young.
I reckon they were all either between 15 to 18 and have decided to quit their schools or colleges for an adventure of a lifetime within the guard. These bastards are in for a surprise.
“By the time you leave this camp you will be a machine! You will ascend to a greater state of being, you will be a dispenser of justice, and ponies will look up to you. You will be the best fighting force in the arsenal of her highness. But until then you are trash, you are the lowest form of life, you are not even fucking equines! You are all nothing but unorganized and undisciplined pieces of plebian shit!”
I looked at the drill instructor walking down on a row of recruits on the other side, doing my best to hide the fact that I am eyeballing her.
This was not my first tango with her kind. I met a drill sergeant during my brief time at army boot camp when I used to be like some of these young faggots. Back when I was once a gullible patriot who thought army service was the right thing to do.
That was until I learned that honest work won’t get you anything in life.
“I am not an easy mare, I am hard. You will hate me because of this, but the more you all hate me the stronger you will all become! I am hard, but I am unbiased. I do not look down on mudponies, featherbrains and nocturnal abominations! Here you are all equally worthless! My job is to weed out the weak and those who aren’t fit to serve the guard. Do you scumbags understand that!?”
“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!”
The drill instructor then proceeded to approach random cadets, ask them their name, and throw some really clever insults. In my opinion, this is by far the most entertaining part of boot camp.
“What’s your name, initiate?!” She asked, staring down at a Thesrtal mare. The bat pony had an unusual color pallet for a pony whose race is notorious for their gloomy coloration. She had a pastel yellow coat and a bright pink mane that’d really make her stand out if she was with her people.
“Ma’am, Dusty Dusks, ma’am!” she answered with a tone that was stern as a rock yet as soft as cotton.
“I can’t hear you, initiate!” the sergeant screamed at the Thestral. “What is your name?”
“Ma’am, Dusty Dusks, ma’am!” she said again, a little bit louder this time.
“Bullshit. From now on you’re, Initiate Cum-sucker! Do you like that name?”
Well that was a bit unexpected. But then again, this is a royal guard drill instructor and not an army drill sergeant.
The Thestral paused for a while and she looked like she was about to flip out.
If she does, she’s fucked.
“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!” She answered without any sign of hesitation. But let’s be honest here, she secretly fucking hates that name.
“Well there’s something you won’t like, Cum-sucker. They don’t serve mangoes and little foals in my mess hall on a daily basis.”
Ah yes, the classic ‘Behave or the Bat Ponies will eat you!’ lie parents use to scare their children into behaving. And ponies wonder why the Thestral Colonies are so damn xenophobic.
I gotta give it to the filly, she’s a lot tougher than she looks. I honestly thought she’d be the type of mare to break down and cry if you looked at her in a mean way. But no, she’s handling this all pretty well.
Satisfied at tormenting the mare, the drill instructor began walking over to the next pony.
It was a unicorn stallion this time. The pony had a light blue coat, a dark blue mane with yellow lightning sparks and green eyes. Judging from the color pattern of his mane and his cutie mark which were two lightning bolts arranged perpendicularly, I assumed he specialized in lightning magic.
His lanky frame towered over the drill intructor who had to look up. “Well, well, well. I didn’t know they stacked shit this high!” she commented sounding rather impressed. “What’s your name, initiate?!”
“Ma’am, Spark Streak, ma’am!” the unicorn shouted in reply.
“You’re too tall for a Spark, initiate! From now on you’re, Canopy,” she declared. “Where’re you from, Initiate Canopy?!”
“Ma’am, Canterlot, ma’am!”
“Canterlot! Only queers and nobles come from that place and you sure don’t look like a noble to me,” she replied. “Do you suck dick, initiate?”
“Ma’am, if the guard requires me to do it, ma’am!”
Now that’s what I call a solid answer.
“Keep up that attitude and we’ll get along just fine, Canopy!”
And so the vicious cycle of abuse and profanity continued. I tried hard not to laugh as the drill instructor went about being as comical as she can be while throwing insults at the fragile looking stallions and mares.
I moved my eyes to scan the faces of the other trainees. Most of them were displaying signs of fear and stress while, some were biting their lips in an attempt to stop themselves from laughing and a rare few looked pissed at the drill instructor.
I of course, found this whole thing funny. But only because I wasn’t the one on the receiving end of the sergeant’s swagger stick.
Then all of the sudden the drill instructor stopped shouting and screaming. I moved my eyes to check on her only to be met by the stern gaze of the drill instructor.
“Are you eyeballing me, initiate!?”
Now for those of you who don’t know, eyeballing is the second most insulting thing you can do to a drill instructor. The first one being sneaking out of the camp, going to his house and fucking his little sister.
I know this because I did both back then. That was also the reason why I was kicked out of army boot camp. In my defense, we were young, stupid, and in love. Plus she really did ask for me to do it.
“Ma’am, Yes ma’am!” I answered, reverting back to my old position. There was no use lying to a drill instructor, especially if they know the truth. The best thing one could do is to just bear with it and hope your eardrums don’t shatter.
“You, son of a bitch!” the drill instructor walked angrily towards me. I felt sweat run down my face as those hoofsteps got louder and louder.
When she finally reached me, I was standing still trying my best not to make eye contact with the angry bull of a unicorn mare glaring at me. “What is your name, initiate!?” she screamed at me, her saliva flying into my face. “And what in the goddamn happened to your face!?”
“Ma’am, my name’s Cloud Clipper ma’am!” I answered, forcing myself to shout as loud as I can. “Ma’am, I had a run in with Harmony Guard recruiters last night, ma’am!”
“Oh! So you’re the scumbag they decided to send to my beloved guard!” the sergeant screamed. I actually had to close my eyes to prevent his spit from getting into it. “Listen here, Scoundrel! If I see you eyeballing me again, I will gouge your fucking eyes out and I will skullfuck you with my horn! Do you understand!”
“Ma’am, Yes, ma’am!” I answered, taking her warning seriously.
“And I’ll have you know that I do not go easy on you scoundrels!” she screamed immediately after I finished. “Your kind does not belong here!! You do not deserve to be here! And if it weren’t for the brass letting the likes of you in, I would’ve hung you all on the tallest tree in Ponyville!”
“I will break you, initiate! I will break you so damn hard you will wish you could just crawl back up your mother’s birth canal! Do you understand!?”
“Ma’am, Challenge accepted, ma’am!” I answered, knowing full well I’m going to get another smack into my already battered face.
“Outstanding, initiate!” the drill instructor shouted before delivering a hard jab into my chest.
I knelt on the ground and dry heaved, Sweet Celestia that punch hurts. It wasn’t just hard, it also managed to hit a sweet spot that made my legs tremble in pain.
“Stand up, initiate!”
And stand up I did, as if nothing happened to me. The drill instructor shot a mean look at me before marching off to harass the other recruits.
I already hate this bitch a lot. But that was good thing, for her at least. Hating a drill instructor was a clear sign that she’s performing her role well.
“Alright scumbags! Move out and form a line outside, we’re going for a run!” she commanded while signaling the assistant drill instructor who was standing beside the entrance to the barracks.
The drill instructor wasn’t joking when she said she’ll brake me. My back already felt like it had been broken several different ways since we started the morning jog.
Was it because I am a wimp?
No.
It was because the bitch chained a pair of heavy barbell weights on my back. The damn bastard really wanted me to feel like a convict. So much so that she also instructed the assistant drill instructor to throw a bucket of orange paint at me, to make my trainee fatigues look like a prisoner uniform.
So there I was, running under the scorching sun covered in sweat and orange paint while dragging that damned dead weight. It was a surprise to everypony how I still managed to run despite of this.
Still, I was starting to lag behind, but that was just because of the weights limiting my speed. I still have a lot of stamina thanks to all those years of running away carrying heavy cargo while escaping the authorities.
The route we were taking was a simple run from the fort going to the outskirts of Ponyville before heading back. From the looks of it, I’d be able to complete this run without collapsing from exhaustion.
Somehow, even though I was behind the entire group of recruits, I still managed to hear the insults, racial slurs and profanity coming out of our drill instructor’s dirty mouth. By this time, she had already began calling us by the nicknames she made up while berating us a while ago.
Some of the one’s I could remember include Cum-sucker for Initiate Dusty Dusks, Canopy for Initiate Spark Streak and for obvious reasons, she calls me Scoundrel after my previous occupation.
“Move, Initiate Scoundrel?!” I heard the sergeant shout from the head of the troop. “How are you gonna run away from the LAW if you can’t even catch up with the rest of these scumbags?!”
“Just wait till I get these chains off,” I mumbled.
For some reason, the sergeant had the assistant drill instructor position himself about ten meters behind the main group and whack anypony who lags behind too much with a baseball bat. He then had his assistant carve the word “LAW” on the weapon.
So essentially, we were all running away from the LAW. It sounded like a clever joke until you realize I was the only pony who enlisted to avoid jail time. She never really thought that one out through, didn’t she?
But then again this might be because she expects me, the only pony carrying weights, to be the one that lags behind. She was mistaken.
“Goddamn it, Initiate Canopy! Move your fucking ass!” The drill instructor shouted while running backwards, how she managed to do that I still haven’t figured out.
I watched as the lanky Initiate Canopy slowly moved to the rearmost rank of recruits. The poor thing looked like he was about to fall from exhaustion.
“You're slower than a slug on Valium, Initiate Canopy!” she shouted. “My stroked granpa can run faster than your sorry ass!”
The kid was really trying his best, but he just kept becoming slower and slower. At this rate his ass would get beaten so bad he might as well be an eggplant since we haven’t even completed a third of the route we were taking.
Eventually, the sergeant gave up and moved on to insult others, leaving the two of us to the mercy of the assistant drill instructor’s club.
I took a quick peek and saw that he was still a fair distance away from us. Then I looked to my side and saw Canopy who is failing at his attempts to catch up with the rest since he was now as far away from them as I am.
The tall Unicorn was clearly eyeballing me. Not that I mind, I just found the look on his face quite funny. It was a mixture of disappointment and disbelief that was further enhanced by his fatigued expression, tongue out and all that. Probably because he was now as slow as a pony carrying 60kg of weight.
For some reason, I decided to spoilt this fucker’s day. I turned my head to him and stared blankly, before I sped up ever so slowly while maintaining eye contact until I was now at the rearmost part of the troop.
While I was doing this, the drill instructor unknowingly spiced things up. “The last one at the finish line we’ll be cleaning every toilet bowl in the Fort for an entire week.”
A mischievous smile crept across my face as the tall lad suddenly sprinted, catching up to me a couple of seconds later. Canopy then stared at me and we were locked eye to eye.
I could see the determination in this kid’s eyes. It was brighter than my future.
The race was on.
For some reason, this had been a successful day for me, much to my disbelief.
Even though me and Canopy were on the rear end, we somehow managed to not be the last ponies to finish the run. The look of disappointment on the drill instructors face was priceless.
I watched in amusement as Canopy collapsed on the ground and took heavy breaths until the drill instructor noticed him and said “Initiate Canopy, pick your ass up now or I will have you do another run and another and another until you die!”
He stood up immediately.
While we were waiting for the rest of our fellow trainees to drag their sorry asses across the finish line, we had a brief exchange of words and shook our hooves.
A friend was a big plus in any smuggler’s book. Having somepony to watch your back would greatly increase one’s lifespan. This is why I tried to be as polite as I can when meeting ponies except when they’re hostile to me. Like say for example, an interrogator/Penal Guard recruitment agent.
Now for those of you who are wondering which unlucky pony finished last, turns out it was initiate Dusks or cum-sucker as the drill instructor likes to call her. This was a big surprise to us all, especially since she was actually the leading pony for most of the jog.
Apparently, the mad bastard thought it would be a good idea to complain about her nickname to the sergeant while she was jogging right beside her. To her surprise, the drill instructor agreed to change her name.
“Sure thing, initiate. From now on I’ll call you Initiate Cum-guzzler,” I remember her saying before she bashed her head on the recruit.
Initiate Cum-guzzler lost her balance and fell on the ground from the sheer force of the impact. She then got trampled on by the other recruits before the assistant drill instructor caught up to her and proceeded to enforce the LAW on her face.
There’s a silver lining in this though. Because of her injuries she was excused from the rest of the day’s fun activities.
These activities included PT, lunch, more PT, PT 2.0, and dinner. All of it done while the drill instructor kept shouting at our faces. It was hard to eat your meals if your drill instructor’s spit was flying into it.
After all of that was done, we were finally given an hour of personal time from eight to nine before we go light’s out and sleep.
“Ah fuck!” I heard one of the recruit’s grunt as she sank into her bunk, while I wiped my mane with a towel.
The orange paint was a real bitch to clean. From the looks of it, the orange stains on my uniform loked like it’s there to stay. Thank fully my coat and mane was salvageable and I spent an entire hour on the shower just to get all that orange paint out.
It was ten minutes past eight in the evening and the recruits have already settled in after what they thought was a hard day. But most of them forgot, this is only day one.
I watched as the rest of the recruits went about and spent their free time chatting with their bunkmates. I also want to talk to my bunkmate, but unfortunately she’s still in the infirmary after a run in with the LAW. So I just sat there, on the top bunk, silently watching the rest of the ponies chat with one another.
I also noticed some of them staring at me and stealing glances. I assumed this was either because of my black eye and broken nose or the fact that I was a penal recruit.
“Hey, Scumbag!” I heard Canopy call from behind me. I turned around and saw him approaching me with an Earth Pony, who I assume is his bunkmate, trailing behind him.
The mare had the typical color of an Earth Pony, her chestnut coat, green eyes and dark brown mane made her look like a typical simpleton. But what sets her apart is her big size. And when I say big, I don’t mean tall like Canopy.
This mare was tall and swole. I am at awe at the size of this lad. I felt my balls retract as the mare, who looked like she could snap me like a twig, stared at me with a blank face.
“What’s up,” I replied, my eyes locked on the Earth Pony mare. “Who’s this?”
“Her name’s Rusty Bolt or Fatherfucker as the drill instructor likes to calls her, she’s my bunkmate,” he introduced, putting a hoof at the mare’s back. She was slightly shorter than Canopy, but the bitch had more mass than him. “Rusty Bolt, this is Cloud Clipper or Scoundrel if you prefer to call him that. He’s-”
“A criminal who pussied his way out of prison,” the mare interrupted, with the classic tough-guy grin. “I know what you are, Scoundrel.”
I did not like where this was going. “Oh do you now?” I said, chuckling a bit. “What makes you say that?”
“Oh I don’t know!” She replied sarcastically. “Maybe the answer’s in your face. Nice uniform by the way. Prisoner Orange really goes well with your eyes.”
This bitch was starting to get on my nerves.
“Maybe it is. But you know its rude to judge somepony by the look of his face,” I replied with a smile. “You should’ve learned that from school right. Oh wait I remember, you Earthies don’t even do school!” I taunted which was quite ironic since I also didn’t finish school.
“You’re all too busy fuckin each other like rabbits!”
Canopy managed to grab hold of the mare before she could charge. “Stop it!” he shouted trying to hold the mare off.
We don’t smugglers live by a code not to engage in combat, especially one we’re probably not gonna win. But I’d be damned if I let this bitch walk away without making her eat her own words.
The other trainees noticed what was going on and began to chant. “Fight! Fight! Fight!” Fortunately, both of our drill instructors went somewhere and left us to our own devices. This means we won’t get apprehended if something happens, like say for example, a fight.
The raging mare eventually broke free and charged at me while I was still sitting on the top bunk of the double decker. I was an easy target.
Fortunately for me, I had spent six solid years serving under the command of a seasoned smuggler. I have traveled to a lot of places and been involved in a lot of fights. Hell, the daily life on a smuggler vessel was a fight, both with the weather and your meathead crewmates.
My point is, I have gotten my ass dragged into a lot of fights, brawls and standoffs. So much so that I realized raw strength alone wouldn’t guarantee your victory. No. Skill and discretion will always be the one to win the day.
If I attempt to engage the mare charging at me directly, I would surely get fucked hard. Of course I wouldn’t do this because I am cautious, as a smuggler should always be.
Plus, I really wanted to avoid getting my face wrecked again. It’s already bad as it is.
I finally found the opening I was looking for when the mare reached punching distance. Using my superior agility, I ducked, dodging a mean left hook that might’ve broken my jaw.
She was now open.
Do I punch?
No. That wouldn’t even scratch her.
Do I run?
No. I may be fast but this bitch has more stamina.
Do I use my surroundings?
Yes. The only thing harder than a punch is a hard surface.
I quickly grabbed the mare’s head with my hooves and with all my might, I bashed it on the steel frame of my bunk. I felt the bed shake as I watched the mare stagger back before tumbling into the ground. I looked at the part where her muzzle slammed and saw a dent that had the shape of the mare’s snout.
“Motherfucker!” The mare shouted, grabbing her bleeding nose with a hoof as she tried to stand up only to fall back down because of the pain from the concussion.
The crowd went wild and cheered for me, screaming and shouting like a bunch of riled up monkeys. I did nothing, I just sat there staring down at my defeated opponent.
Canopy being the kind hearted pony he is, knelt down on the ground and tried to help. The frustrated mare just waved him off.
Sighing, I jumped off of my bunk. The crowd suddenly went silent, watching me and waiting for me to do something.
“Clipper, she’s had enough,” Canopy looked at me with a disapproving stare. “She’s-”
I raised a hoof, silencing him, before I knelt down in front of the so called Fatherfucker. “You know. I’ve met Meatheads like you and they don’t last long in the smuggling business. Mostly because they all like to act tough, thinking they can handle everything cause they’re bigger than everypony. Thinking they’re better than others cause you’re strong.”
“Acting like an asshole in a career that involves a lot of socializing really isn’t the best idea, you know,” I said staring at the mare’s eyes. I can feel the hate radiating from her slowly fading. “They die cause no one’s willing to pull their sorry asses out of the fire when it catches them.”
“Those that are descent, the ones who know how to get along. They’re few and far out in between, but they survive. Do you know why?” I asked, still staring at her. The curious look on her face tells me she’s listening very closely. I stood up and dusted my trainee uniform.
“Because they have ponies who look after their backs, that’s why,” I extended a helping hoof to her. “Manners are important kiddo, don’t forget that. And try not to be an asshole, it can save your life one day.”
The mare hesitated, but she eventually took it and I helped her up. Hopefully my lecture on ‘not being an asshole, it can save your life’ was enough to sway her to let shit go and chill out.
“You have a point there, Scoundrel.” she said, wiping the blood off her muzzle with the sleeve of her uniform. Thank Celestia she knows how to give up. “Thanks for the lecture, pops!”
“No problem, sweetheart!” I replied. We both chuckled before shaking a hoof.
“Damn! You scoundrels really like to fight dirty don’t you?” She said, rubbing her broken nose.
“A fair fight is a fight lost, as my old boss used to say,” I replied. “But considering our sizes I guess I won it fair and square.”
It was a fair fight alright, there was no way I could keep up with a beast her size without fighting dirty. Thank Faust we didn’t fought on open ground or it would’ve turned out ugly for me.
The other trainees silently went back to their bunks one by one. It seemed like my friendly resolution to this fuckfest bored them, not that I care and all.
I then heard a sigh of relief escape Canopy’s mouth. “Sweet Celestia, for a second there I thought you guys were gonna go for round two!”
“I could’ve went for another one, but nah,” she said staring at me. “So you’re a smuggler huh, Scoundrel?”
“Yup,” I answered, smiling with pride. “Been on the business for six years until we got caught last night. Those days are behind me now though. What about you?”
“Used to be a factory worker,” she answered, looking slightly embarrassed at her poor standing in life. “Sorry I acted like a bitch earlier. City life ain’t easy, you always gotta show you’ra made out of tough shit if you wanna survive.”
I knew there was something behind that nasty attitude.
“Well in my line of work, you have to be smart and lucky to survive.”
“Tough life huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Excuse me guys,” Canopy interrupted us. “But I think we should cut the chit chat and get Rusty patched up.”
We both agreed.
While the Fatherfucker was getting her nose fixed , I decided to go visit my bunkmate leaving Canopy behind to stay with his. The facilities if the Fort’s infirmary was astounding, they weren’t joking when they said Princess Twilight loved to spoil her guards.
Walking around the building for a bit asking directions, I finally found my bunk mate’s ward where she was lying on a comfortable looking bed while reading a book. After greeting the mare who wasn’t really that enthusiastic meeting me, I told her that we were bunkmates
“So let me get this straight, you’re my bunkmate?” Initiate Cum-guzzler asked. I nodded in response which made her groan. “You gotta be fucking kidding me. You know what that means right?”
“That by extension I am also your battle buddy,” I answered. Just as I said earlier, I was no stranger to boot camp life.
You see, while in basic training the recruits are grouped in pairs by assigning them a partner known as a battle buddy. These pairs are expected to watch each other’s back and help one another both in and out of duty.
“What’s so wrong with that?” I jokingly asked. Of course I knew what was wrong with that. It’s because I’m a penal fucking recruit that’s why.
“Great, fucking great! First I get my ass beaten, got myself thrown into this clinic and now I get paired with you, a fucking criminal,” the Thestral screamed in anger at such a high frequency my ears were unable to pick it up. “Then there’s that stupid fucking nickname.”
“That’s gonna make for one very awkward letter to your parents, am I right?” I joked. This did nothing to dampen the mare’s bad mood.
“That’s the fucking point,” she said with a soft sigh. “I’m gonna be a laughingstock back home.”
“Why?”
“My family’s been serving in the guard for generations. My performance today is an embarrassment to our reputation.”
“Why don’t you just lie?”
“What?”
“Just lie, Cum-guzzler-”
“Call me that again and I will skin you alive!”
I laughed. “In that condition you wouldn’t even be able to suck dick properly. But feel free to call me Scoundrel, battle buddy.”
The initiate just glared at me. “Why are you even here? And what’s that white thing on your eye?”
“Oh this. It’s some sort of cream, they said it helps speed up the healing” I said, running a hoof over to my blackened eye. The white cream they applied was cold and sticky but it did have a really nice smell. “Also, I’m here to check on you. We’re battle buddies after all.”
“Gee, thanks for reminding me Scoundrel,” she said, rolling her eyes. “And why did you just ask me to lie to my parents?
“I never had one myself so I don’t really see the point of not lying.”
The mare blinked a couple of times in surprise. “I… I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Don’t be,” I replied, looking back at my childhood memories. It was tough growing up all alone, but you’ll learn things other foals won’t.
Still, I always wondered what life would’ve been like if I had a family. It’s the thought that always kept me up at night.
“Are you okay?” The mare asked, snapping me out of my brief pause. I felt something wet dripping down my eye. I turned around and quickly wiped it with my sleeve.
“Listen I didn’t mean-”
“It’s fine. I’m fine,” I interrupted, turning back to face her. “Now where were we?”
“If you wanna talk to anypony about it, just remember I’m here to-”
“Why showing so much pity all of the sudden?”
The mare was silenced for a moment, stunned by my sudden question. “I just felt like an asshole.”
“Can we move on, please?”
“Okay, but if you ever feel the need to talk about it, your battle buddy’s right here.”
“Oh so you’re a nice mare now!” I sneered. “What a sudden change of pace, battle buddy!”
“I just feel sorry for you, dumbass. Get over it!” She said with an annoyed frown. “Jerk!”
“Now that’s more like it!” I replied with renewed enthusiasm. I really hate it when other ponies become touchy all of the sudden.
“What kind of criminal were you anyway?”
“Smuggler!” I answered with pride.
“Let me guess, you got that broken nose and black eye when you were beaten to a pulp by a Guardspony.”
“Bingo!” There was no shame in getting captured and beaten up by a guard. I was a smuggler after all, and smugglers who go into combat willingly are idiots who deserve to get what was coming to them.
It was a better to just surrender and swindle your way out. You might get a lighter sentence, be acquitted, or even get an extra beating before you’re recruited to join some special guard branch. All while the same fucking snitch who ratted you out steals your jacket and diary.
The first thing I’m gonna do when I get out of this place is to find that bitch and get my stuff back.
The Cum-guzzler rubbed her chin while staring at me. From the looks of it, she was either preparing a really good insult or trying to find some redeeming factor that will make her hate my guts a lot less. I secretly hoped for the former.
“Well at least you can pull your own weight,” she complimented. I sighed internally. “After all, you did manage to complete the morning jog while carrying like fifty kilos.”
“Sixty, actually,” I corrected.
“Well then I guess you won’t be so bad as a battle buddy.”
“Unlike some mare that ran in with the LAW,” I replied with a grin.
She sighed. “Please, don’t remind me.”
“Hey, Scoundel! Where the hell are you?” I heard Canopy call from the hallway.
“Looks like they’re done,” I told myself before I turned to my battle buddy. “I need to go back to the barracks now. It’s getting late.”
As I reached for the doorknob, the Thestral called me. “Hey Scoundrel!”
“Yeah?” I asked, turning my head.
“Thanks for dropping by. It was kinda getting lonely here,” she said.
“You serious?”
“Yup!” She smiled.
I smiled back. It felt nice to have somepony thank you every once in a while.
Then as I was about to close the door behind me I remembered something. “We’re battle buddies right? That means we’re supposed to do things together.”
“Yeah. Why’d you ask?”
“You know what that means?”
“That you’re gonna be a constant pain in my ass?”
“No stupid,” I replied. “That means I have to help you clean all those fucking toilet bowls,” I closed the door immediately after and began looking for Canopy and Fatherfucker.
This Basic Training’s gonna be a long and interesting one.
“Rise and shine, Scumbags!” I heard the drill instructor shout while she walked around carrying an empty trash bin which she repeatedly hit with a baton. “Get your bunks made and put your uniforms on! Police call will commence in 5 minutes. Move!”
I immediately woke up along with the rest of the recruits, glancing at the calendar as I did. It was Friday, and the first month of basic training had ended yesterday. Just two more months and we’ll all be out of this shithole.
The past month was a lot less exciting than expected for most of the faggots.
Most of our time here was spent doing PT, basic sword and spear drills, basic weapon maintenance lessons, marching drills and Fire Guard duty. If that sounded boring, we also had lectures about the guard’s history and we were forced to read government approved propaganda. Only Canopy and Cum-guzzler enjoyed those activities. Fucking patriots.
It was all mind-numbing and exhausting, but if you’re observant like me, you will notice that it has achieved its purpose. “Total Control”, as they like to call it. This is when all us trainees only do what our drill instructor told us to do.
In short, the word “why” has been surgically removed from our tiny little heads.
Overall, the entire month had been torture for us. In my case, literally.
Our senior drill instructor really took the whole “I will break you!” thing seriously.
After the first day she doubled the weights that were chained to me during jogs and PT’s.
She brought in her pet eagles during the Pegasus flight drills and have them chase me around. They were golden eagles and those talons were sharp.
Occasionally, she even had me pulled out in the middle of the night for a surprise PT, jog, or both.
To make matters worse, she ordered the mess staff to restrict all my meals to a single uncooked potato and half a pickle.
All because she wanted me to quit, because there’s no room in the guard for criminals. There was somepony who didn’t agree with her though.
Initiate Dusty ‘Cum-guzzler’ Dusks, my battle buddy, joined me in all my torture sessions to show me that she took the whole battle buddy thing seriously but mostly it’s because she wanted to spite the sergeant.
She stayed by my side during the jogs even if it risked her getting beaten by the LAW, she got up during my late night torture sessions and joined in, she insisted that she be chased by eagles as well during flight drills and she snuck me some extra food every now and then.
All this served as her constant reminder to me that I wasn’t alone and that I shouldn’t give up, so I did the same for her. Because we’re battle buddies. Every time she fucked up and get punished, I insisted that I get punished as well. And every time she was given Fire Guard duty, I volunteer to join her.
This weirded out our fellow recruits and somehow, for some odd reason, it impressed the sergeant much to my battle buddy’s disappointment.
The vile fucker once told us she hadn’t seen anyone take the battle buddy system that seriously before. We asked her if it mattered and she just waved us off and told us to get back to work instead of shouting an insult or telling us to get down and do fifty push ups for every syllable we uttered.
“Move, move, move!” The drill instructor shouted while watching us do our shit.
After finishing my bed, I went on over to my foot locker to get my trainee fatigues. It was not there.
“Scoundrel! Catch!” I heard a familiar voice shout from the other side of my bunk.
Looking up, I saw Dusty, already decked out and ready to go. I then raised up my hoof and caught the bundle she just threw me. It was my uniform.
“How-”
“Cause I’m faster than you, that’s why. Now move it, before the drill instructor decides to cook fried initiates for breakfast,” she whispered. Life in a smuggler vessel might’ve thought me how to act quick, but growing up in a military family thought Dusty how to be swift. She was faster than all the other initiates while also being among the toughest.
“Initiate Cum-guzzler, Initiate Scoundrel!” The drill instructor called from behind us just as I finished buttoning up my uniform.
We both turned around and stood at attention. “Ma’am!?”
“I want you two to clean the latrines. I want those latrines to be so shiny and white that the Holy Faust herself will come down from her eternal throne in heaven and take a piss on it,” she ordered.
“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!” we answered in unison.
“Initiate Cum-guzzler, do you believe in the Holy Faust?!”
That’s a pretty stupid question to ask since just about every Thestral was Lunarian, not a Faustinist. But I know where this is going. The drill instructor’s testing her resolve. Either that, or she’s such a devoted Faustinist that she’ll torture those who don’t believe her religion. I wouldn’t put both those things past her.
“Ma’am, no, ma’am!” Dusty answered.
The drill instructor’s eye twitched. “I don’t think I heard you correctly, initiate. Either I’m going deaf from my own outcries or I just heard you say you don’t believe in the Holy Faust?!”
“Ma’am, I said no, Ma’am!”
“Why you little piece of pagan shit! You make me sick!” She shouted, slapping dusty with her baton. My instincts almost made me jump in and defend her. But if I do that, I’ll probably get beaten twice as hard.
“Listen here you, filthy heathen! If I don’t hear you say you love the Holy Faust, I will rip your guts out and decorate my altar with it!” She said, glaring at Dusty with the rage of a thousand zealots. “Now tell me, do you love the Holy Faust!”
“Ma’am, I do not, ma’am!” she answered while a drop of blood trickled down her head.
“Initiate, are you trying to piss me off on purpose!? Do you have a fucking death wish!”
I wonder how much longer Dusty would last, but I have faith that she will. She won’t give in to the drill instructor’s demands. Because her family didn’t raise her to be a pussy, they raised her to be a warrior.
“Ma’am, no, ma’am! Ma’am, but it’s gonna take a lot more than simple threats to make me reverse my faith, ma’am!”
The answer made the drill instructor glare even harder on Dusty. “Who’s your squad leader, heathen!?”
“Ma’am, my squad leader’s, Initiate Fatherfucker, ma’am!”
“Initiate Fatherfucker, get your filthy mudpony ass over here!”
Fatherfucker stopped what she was doing and dashed on over to where we were. “Ma’am, Initiate Fatherfucker reporting as instructed, ma’am!”
“Initiate, if you don’t make Initiate Cum-guzzler tell me she loves the Holy Faust, you better begin praying that her holiness will grant you salvation from the eternal damnation that is my bad side!” she ordered, pointing her baton at the Earth Pony mare.
This is a hard one. Dusty and Fatherfucker are great friends, besties as they like to call it. There’s a really good chance that Dusty might break if their friendship is on the line.
“Initiate Cum-guzzler, tell the drill instructor that you love the Holy Faust. Now!”
“With all due respect, Initiate Fatherfucker, you can take that order and shove it up your asshole!” That’s my mare!
The drill instructor stared at Fatherfucker in disappointment. “Initiate Fatherfucker, you’re relieved of your command,” she said before turning to Dusty “Initiate Cum-guzzler, is promoted to squad leader.”
“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!”
That confirms it. The drill instructor doesn’t give a shit about Dusty’s religion, she’s just testing her persistence.
“Now get your ugly face out of here.”
Fatherfucker blinked several times in disbelief. My guess is she’s expecting punishment. “Ma’am?”
“Are you deaf, initiate! Get your filthy, mud waddling, cousin fucking, meth smoking, trash scrapping, peasant mudpony ass outa my face right now or I will strangle you with your own botched family tree!”
I gotta say, Drill Instructor Hard Knock was the most racist and hard-ass Unicorn I have ever gotten the displeasure of meeting. Never in my lifetime had I seen anypony slug that much insults on an Earth Pony in just one sentence.
“Ma’am, right away, ma’am!” Fatherfucker replied before fucking off, sighing in relief as she did.
“Initiate Dykelord!”
Initiate Sweet Bean a.k.a. Dykelord, came forward. She got that name after the drill instructor found out she was a dyke. “Ma’am, yes, ma’am?!”
The initiate was the unit’s laughing stock. Not only was she a wimp, she also sucked at just about everything. Hell, I was actually better than her in most training activities by a long shot even if I always have handicaps while doing it. As a result, almost everypony bullies her.
Except for her battle buddy, Initiate Buster. Nopony picks on her while Buster is around.
I’m not actually sure why she even enlisted, she’s clearly not Harmony Guard material. She’s not even fit to serve in the Solar Guard, the most laid-back of the three guard branches.
“Dykelord, I’m transferring you and Initiate Buster to Initiate Cum-guzzler’s squad. She’ll teach you everything there is to know about being a guard! She’ll even teach you how to shit properly! Do you understand.”
“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!”
“Initiate Cum-guzzler! Dykelord might be a Grade A dumbass unlike her battle buddy, but she has will power. And that will power’s enough! You will straighten her out! Can I count on you?”
“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!”
“Good. Cum-guzzler, report to the infirmary and get that head of yours patched up. Scoundrel, drop and give me fifty. The rest of you ladies carry on!”
Why does this asshole always have to make things difficult for me?
“Move it, Scumbags!” Our drill instructor shouted while us recruits crawled through the muddy obstacle course, the barbed wire above us restricting our movement. Her shouts did as much help to us as the heavy downpour of rain. Goddess, I fucking hate rain.
“Go, go, go!” the assistant drill instructor shouted while he twirled the LAW, his favorite baseball bat. “Sweet Celestia, you guys are slower than my stroked grandpa!”
I would’ve already finished this damn course if it weren’t for these heavy chains on my back. Luckily, my battle buddy slowed down her own progress as to not leave me behind. Plus, I got a nice clear view of her flanks from where I was. Damn, that’s one finely sculpted piece of art.
“Ah fuck!” I heard somepony shout from behind. It was Dykelord. Her uniform got snagged on the wire. I snuffled and laughed as I watched the helpless wimp wiggle frantically in an attempt to free herself. I felt bad for her, but was an amusing sight and I just couldn’t help myself.
“Holy Faust, Dykelord! You better get your ass out of there because I sure as hell won’t!” the drill instructor shouted while leaning down on her. The initiate then gave up and buried her face in the mud. “Are you giving up on me, initiate! You better start moving your dumbass before I drag your back across that wire fence, you hear me!”
Fucking idiot. At this rate the drill instructor’s gonna punish our whole squad because of this bitch’s stupidity.
“Scoundrel! Move back and help me get that dumbass out of there!” I heard Dusty shout from in front of me. “And stop staring at my ass you perv!” She shouted before kicking me lightly in my face. That wasn;t gonna leave a mark, but it sure as hell painful. I deserved it though.
“Don’t wawry, ma’am. I’ll take care av huurr!” Shouted somepony ahead of us. We both knew who that strong redneck accent belonged too. It was Steel Fist, or Buster as the Drill instructor liked to call him. He’s Sweet Bean’s battle buddy.
The Unicorn was supposed to be heading for the next station but I guess he heard his buddy’s faint whimpers. He dived on the mud and began crawling back much to the assistant’s drill instructor’s dismay.
“What the hell are you doing, initiate!” he shouted. “Get your dumb hilly billy ass out of there now before I-“
“Ser, i’m nahwt gonna leave my partnuurr behind, suurr” he interrupted while he slithered through the mud like a snake.
Buster wasn’t your ordinary hilly billy, he’s an apex hilly billy. The Unicorn stallion was born and raised in the Badlands and lived there for most of his life. A clear indication that he’s no normal pony, since only the strongest ponies survive into adulthood on that Faust forsaken wasteland. He probably learned how to fight before he could even talk.
Sure he wasn’t as buff as the Fatherfucker, but he was twice as strong. He wasn’t as skilled with the blade as Dusty, but he was faster than her. He didn’t have Canopy’s inherent magical power, but he knew all his spells like the back of his head.
He was tough, but he was also well-mannered. Despite his tough exterior, he was surprisingly sociable and kind-hearted. I’ve never seen him put up a sad face, he’s always smiling for some reason. Dykelord was lucky to have him as a battle buddy.
We continued crawling forward and left Dykelord to his care. She was his responsibility after all. I pity him.
The rest of the day passed by like a breeze since we were so used to the basic routine. Everything slowly became a lot easier for us as the month went by. Even I felt the weights I carry become lighter every time I wear them.
Now it was time for Friday night letter opening, also known as the only part of boot camp anypony enjoys. But I really didn’t enjoy it as much as my comrades because I never get letters. Instead, what I got was quite possibly the most depressing job during these events.
It was about 7 that night and we had just finished dinner when I sat at the corner of the barracks beside a white board that had four tally marks written on it. While my fellow recruits were reading letters from home, I was on a chair holding a marker.
At the corner of my eye I saw Dykelord’s smile slowly fade as she progressed through one of her letters. I gulped. Why her of all ponies.
First there was quiet sniffing, then came the audible sobs before she finally broke down crying. The other trainees began to chuckle while a few others started looking worried. We all knew where this was going.
“Cucked?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
Canopy trotted to her side and swiped the letter while the crying mare buried her face on a pillow. He skimmed through the letter, a malicious smile creeping up on his face. “Cucked!” The trainee replied.
“Jody’s got another one, boys!” The Fatherfucker shouted before the rest of the trainees broke out in laughter. The stout Earth Pony nodded at me before I added another tally mark. That makes a total of five marks on the Cheat Board.
Poor Dykelord. At this point, her marefriend’s kind words were the only things keeping her sane. Buster could’ve comforted his friend right now, but he was guarding the forts walls as punishment for the insubordination he committed earlier. The likeliness of her snapping had probably doubled, perhaps even tripled when she received that letter.
Canopy walked on over to where I was and handed me the letter. I pinned it at the bottom of the board along with the four other big reveal letters.
As I finished, I spotted Initiate Dusty at the corner of my eye carrying a small stack of letters. My battle buddy trotted towards me in a bee line. “Sup, Scoundrel-” she stopped, nearly dropping her mail when she saw the new tally mark. “Who?”
“Dykelord. Her marefriend cucked her,” I answered. “Who knew dykes could also get cheated on.”
“Oh dear. Is she…” she turned to see the cucked mare on her bunk with a thousand-yard stare. “Alright?”
“No,” I answered before laughing. I am a horrible pony. But then again, I was a criminal after all. Dusty just glared at me and my insensitivity.
Unlike these poor bastards, Dusty, Canopy, Buster and Fatherfucker could all read their letters without fear of adding another tally on the Cheat Board. They were all single for their own reasons.
Canopy was a socially awkward shut in before he enlisted. He used to get nervous when he’s near mares his age. The thought of a relationship never really crossed Dusty’s mind. She was far too preoccupied by the thought of preserving her family’s legacy. Buster is a widower. He refuses to share any more details on that and everypony in the unit respects his privacy on the matter. Fatherfucker had a coltfriend. He broke up with her for a rich mare a few weeks before she enlisted. Bringing that up to her was a quick way to get your ribs crushed.
What about me you ask? I don’t even get letters. I don’t have a family or friend outside of boot camp who isn’t in prison.
“Scoundrel! The drill instructor wants to see you!” I heard the assistant drill instructor shout from his office near the entrance of the barracks. Ifound out a while ago that his name was, First Base. A fitting name for a pony whose weapon of choice is a Baseball Bat. “You haven’t picked up you mail.”
Anyway, this’s probably just a misunderstanding. As I said before, I never get letters.
“Uh, Scoundrel…” Dusty said. “I think you should check it out.”
“Nah!” I answered, leaning back on my chair.
Suddenly, a very pissed assistant drill instructor burst into the barracks. “Initiate Scoundrel, get your ass up and head to the senior drill instructor’s office, now! Do I have to repeat myself? Cause if I do, I will drag your lazy ass into the-”
“Sir, I apologize, sir!” I stood up out of instinct. “Sir, I don’t have anypony outside who’ll bother to write to me, sir!”
“Well then it looks like you have a secret admirer, Scoundrel,” the assistant drill instructor replied sarcastically. “If I were you I’d get my sorry ass to the senior drill instructor’s office now before his assistant decides to give his LAWful response to your bullshit!”
“Sir, yes, sir!” I shouted in reply before marching off to the said office at the entrance of the barracks, the assistant drill instructor following me.
When I got there, I was met by the stern gaze of the drill instructor while her assistant stood guard at the doorway. She’s sitting behind her desk with her hind legs raised on it. “Well, well, well! Look who finally decided to show his fat ass!”
“Ma’am, I-”
“Drop and give me one for every second of my time you wasted! You waste of sperm!”
Without another word, I went down on the ground and began counting to sixty.
“You have a family, Scoundrel?” The drill instructor asked in a rather casual tone, for her standards at least.
“Ma’am, no, ma’am,” I answered, raising my head to look at her. She was holding an envelope and from the looks of it, she was reading the info written at its back.
“I’m not surprise. If I was your parent or sibling, I’ll abandon you as well.”
This mothefucker! I swear, the only thing stopping me from assaulting her is the fact that I’ll get thrown into prison if I did.
“Ma’am, who sent the letter, ma’am?” I asked between breaths of air.
“Some corporal from the solar guard,” she answered.
No, this has to be some kind of joke mail. She’s just a recruiter, there’s no way in hell that letter’s written by her. This has to be from somepony else.
“Ma’am, did she write her name, ma’am?” I asked.
“She didn’t write her name on the back. Just her service number, rank, unit and cutie mark,” she said before showing me the front of the envelope.
My eyes were locked on the image ingrained on the red wax seal, a sun with a smiley face peeking from behind a cloud.
It was Sky Slasher’s mark. She said it was supposed to symbolize her ever positive attitude even during the gloomiest of days. But ever since I found out she’s a snitch, I’m no longer buying that.
After I was done with my pushups, I stood up. The sergeant then handed me the letter.
“Don’t forget to write a reply. If you don’t, I’ll skin your hide, Scoundrel!”
Sarge was very insistent that anypony who received a letter is obligated to write a reply. She once had a trainee go on a sixteen-hour Fire Guard duty without break after she questioned the Sarge’s order.
“Now get the fuck out of my office!”
And get the fuck out of her office I did. It wasn’t that hard since the assistant drill instructor was shoving me out as well.
As I did, my ears picked up the most annoying sound in existence.
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
That was the sound of a very ecstatic bat pony mare. Not even the shouts of the drill instructors have gotten that close to shattering my ear drums. My ears are fucking ringing and it took a while before me and the other trainees could hear again.
“Fucking hell!” Shouted a mare from the bunk right beside ours. Unlike me, she might’ve received permanent damage since she was only a few feet away from ground zero.
“Cuuuuum-guzzleeeeeeeer!” I heard the drill instructor shout from his office. I struggled not to break out in laughter. The sound of an adult pony screaming ‘Cum-guzzler’ like that is something I’d never not find funny.
“Down on the ground and give me half a grand before I come there and strangle you with your own entrails you, nocturnal piece of shit!” she instructed, the door and walls of her office doing nothing to inhibit the volume of her roar.
“You heard the mare, Cum-guzzler! Five hundred pushups, now!” the assistant drill instructor repeated before heading back to his office.
“Sir, yes, sir!” The mare replied enthusiastically, jumping out of our bunk and hitting the floor. The heavy punishment failed to dampen her exultant mood.
With that out of the way, I trotted quietly towards my bunk. As I sat down, I was met by the sight of Canopy and Fatherfucker. From the looks of it, they were both eager to see what my letter was.
“Uh… guys… a little privacy please,” I requested. It’ll be a miracle if they actually give me my privacy.
“Oh come on, Scoundrel!” Fatherfucker smirked. “We want to know more about this secret… admirer of yours.”
“Yeah, Scoundrel,” Canopy joined in. “You don’t need to hide anything from us. There’s nothing wrong with having a lover.”
I groaned. It’s a fucking letter from the narc that got me caught, not some well written and heartfelt letter. “Guys, this letter is from the pony that snitched on me. She’s literally the last pony I want to hear from.”
“Aww, little Scoundrel’s a star crossed lover!” the Fatherfucker teased.
“Buzz off, Fatherfucker!” Dusty interrupted, talking between gulps of air.
Sometimes I feel like I won the battle buddy lottery with Dusty. “Thanks, Dusty! Now if you’ll-”
“If there’s somepony who’ll get a peek at that letter, it’ll be me!”
And sometimes I feel like I praise her too much.
Thinking quickly, I scanned the room for a spot where I could read my shit in peace. I’ve had enough of all this teasing. Thankfully, the overhanging fluorescent light fixture suspended on metal wires are strong enough to support my weight.
“Sayonara, land peasants!” I chuckled while flapping my large wings, the two ponies ducking in order to avoid getting hit by it. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Fatherfucker, the absolute unit, lunging towards me as I flew. I breathed a sigh of relief when her teeth missed my tail by an inch.
“Get down here!” she shouted, waving her hoof.
“Eat my shorts, Mudpony!”
Canopy stared at me in disbelief. “The fuck. Dude, that’s ra-”
“You too, Pinhead!”
I was safe up there. Fatherfucker can jump high, but she couldn’t fly. Canopy on the other hoof may have magic, but the last time he attempted to teleport he missed his mark by half a kilometer. The kid’s magic is unstable. He couldn’t even do a simple telekinesis trick without breaking something.
With all that out of the way, I finally took out the letter. From the looks of it, the thing was written using a typewriter. Which wasn’t a surprise since writing with quills is somewhat hard for non-Unicorns.
Anyway, the letter reads.
Dear Clippy.
I got fired! :) Not from the Royal Guard though. Apparently, the brass started bickering over who’s in charge of what. Again! Me and the rest of the non-Harmony Guard recruiters got caught in it and we got kicked out of the Penal Guard recruitment program. From now on the HG will be the sole recruiter, not that I care and all. Anyway, I’m being reassigned to the Ponyville Solar Guard garrison! That means we’ll probably see each other in the near future. I’m so excited to see you again and check on your progress! Did you enjoy training? Have you made new friends? Did the drill instructor dip your balls in honey and nail you on an ant farm? I have so many questions!
By the way, I’ve been reading your diary a lot lately. It’s so loooong! I haven’t even finished a quarter of it, but I have reached the part where you joined the smugglers. I don’t know about you but I think this thing might make for a good novel. But then, I found it. Your diary’s secret compartment! I found all the pictures you’re hiding! We have to talk about those when we meet again. I want to know the story behind every image. I want to get a clear timeline of your life!
That’s all for now though. I wish you the best of luck and hope you’ll continue to endure whatever life throws at you!
P.S.- I included copies of the photos in this letter.
P.P.S - The interrogator (Yes, that Thestral) is also getting reassigned to Ponyville. He also wants to check on your progress.
Your Dear Friend
Wispy
The gall of this mare. She wrote as if she didn’t fuck me over and bash my face! “Dear Friend” my ass. I’ll give her a pass though. She was the pony who got me my ‘get out of jail free card’ after all.
Now about those pictures.
As I expected, she only opened the first compartment. I hid something even more important somewhere in that diary, but the photos in the envelope were still important to me nonetheless. They were all a mirror to my past. A luxury for a pony of my stature in life.
“Watcha got there!” I almost jumped off the damn light fixture when Dusty shouted that.
After sighing in relief, I turned around and glared at her. The Thestral mare hovering beside was drenched in sweat and she looked a bit tired, but apart from that she looked perfectly fine. “The fuck’s wrong with you?”
“What? You think I can’t reach you cause your high up? I’m a Thestral remember. Bat wings bitch!”
I rolled my eyes. “Still, you shouldn’t jump on ponies like that, especially somepony whose balancing on a stick of metal and glass.”
“Ohhh! Are those pictures?” Fuck. She noticed the photos I’m holding with my wings.
I quickly shoved it back in the envelope along with the letter. “Those, are none of your business,” I explained courteously. “Now buzz off!”
“No.”
“Please?”
“Still, no.”
Stubborn bitch. The only way I could get out of this is trying to change the subject. “Why’d you scream like a mare being raped earlier?”
I saw the mare’s eyes sparkle as she beamed. Looks like my diversion tactics backfired. “I’m officially an aunt!” She squealed, that high pitched tone of hers making it more annoying than it had the right to be.
She quickly flew to our bunk and back to me in an instant carrying one of her envelopes. She then took out a photo from it and shoved it on my face.
“Isn’t she cute?!” She asked, squealing with excitement and glee.
It was a photo of a mare holding a little foal wrapped in a cloth bundle. “That your sister?”
“Sister-in-law and my newborn nephew!”
I already envied that foal. He’ll grow up surrounded by ponies that love him. I wish I had something like that when I was a kid. “He’s cute.”
“He sure is!”
“Fuuuuck! Fucking fuckety fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuuck” I heard somepony shout. The last scream took us all by surprise at just how loud it is.
“Holy fucking dogshit!” Our senior drill instructor shouted in surprise from her office followed by a loud crashing sound.
“Cucked?” I asked.
“Yeah,” one trainee answered.
I shook my head, not even bothering to find out who was cucked. Then I shoved my letter in my trainee fatigues before flying to the white board, Dusty following me close behind.
While I was writing the tally mark, I felt a familiar presence behind me.
I turned around and looked up at two tall ponies.
“Salutations, sky dweller,” Fatherfucker greeted with her best rape face.
“Top of the morning to ya!” Canopy grinned.
Dusty stepped in front of them, taking out a fork shiv from her fatigues and spreading her wings to make herself look bigger. The two ponies responded by pulling out their sock clubs. I just sat there and clenched my butthole. The four of us usually get along, but sometimes things turn ugly.
“Who the fuck shouted fuck!?” The assistant drill instructor shouted, marching in angrily.
I breathed a sigh of relief as my fellow trainees hid their weapons. I’d never once in my short life thought I’d be happy to see a drill instructor walk in like that.
“Whoever did that shit’s in for a world of pain,” he said coldly, pointing the LAW at random recruits.
As usual, none of us snitched. We were a unit, not a bunch of backstabbing traitors that were corralled together.
I immediately assumed this had something to do with the senior drill instructor. “Sir, is the senior drill instructor alright, sir!?”
“if she was, I wouldn’t be here right now, Scoundrel!”
Bingo.
“You know what, fuck it! I don’t care which one of ya’ll did it!”
I guess it’s time for group punishment then. We’ve never gotten punished by this guy though so I have no idea what it’s gonna be like.
“For that shitty display of gross misbehavior, you all owe me a late night march!”
I heard somepony groan from the crowd of recruits.
“Write your fucking reply letters now! I’ll meet you all outside in ten minutes!” He ordered before marching out.
The three of us quickly forgot about what almost transpired earlier and we went to our respective bunks to write our replies. Poor Dusty, she had the most letters out of all of us. She had like fifteen of them.
I grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil from my footlocker and began scribbling my brief message to my friend.
Dear Snitch
Stop reading my diary and give it back along with my fucking jacket!
Goddess, I fucking hate fire guard duty. I know it’s a basic part of a guard’s life but we’re training to become Harmony Guards for fucks sake, not some piece of fucking aesthetic like the Solar and Lunar Guard.
Though the lectures do say that some Harmon Guard units do guard cities in towns. The ones that are in Twilight’s control to be specific.
Still, fire guard duty wasn’t such a bad punishment. There was that one time the drill instructor had me stay in an ice cold pool for the entire night as punishment for looking at him funny. I passed out, the doctors told me my heart actually stopped and that I’d be dead if it weren’t for the assistant drill instructor. And thankfully, I managed to convince Dusty to not join me beforehand.
I breathed in the cold evening air as I stood guard at the east wall of Fort Applebuck. Autumn was fast approaching, and so was our graduation. Just one more month of torture, just one more fucking month and I’ll be out of this fucking shithole.
Nighttime was amazing here at the fort. Out here you can actually see the vast lightshow that was the night sky. The more I look at it, the more I realize why Luna got pissed at ponies sleeping during the night. I mean, who wouldn’t get pissed if you made such a beautiful thing and other ponies just slept instead of appreciating it.
“Beautiful isn’t it?” Dusty ‘Cum-guzzler’ Dusks, my battle buddy and squad leader, asked.
“Yeah,” I turned to see her staring at me with half lidded-eyes and a gentle smile.
“Sure is,” I answered, smiling back at her. “We owe her a lot you know. If it weren’t for her stars, a lot of sailors like myself would’ve gotten lost on our way,” It’s true. If it weren’t for those bright lights in the sky, we wouldn’t be able to navigate with our airship. “And I have a lot to thank you for as well. If it weren’t for you, I would’ve gotten lost on my way along boot camp.”
“Your welcome,” she replied, her cheeks suddenly turning a bit red. Whoa, I never thought I’d actually get a mare as tough as her to blush. “Hey, Scoundrel. You got a minute?”
“Yes?”
“There’s something I want to tell you…”
“Go ahead.”
“I-”
“Good evening. Initiates Clipper, Initiate Dusks,” that was the first time I’ve been called by my real name since I got here. W quickly turned to face whoever it was. It was the fort’s commanding officer, Captain Forthright who was wearing his formal service uniform. So naturally, we both saluted.
“Sir, good evening, sir!” We replied in unison.
“Got punished again?” He asked.
“Sir, yes, sir!”
“Don’t worry, you two. It happens all the time,” the captain replied as he took out a cigarette pack and took out a stick. “Want some?” He asked while he placed the cigarette on his mouth and gave it a light.
Oh fuck yeah I want one. There’s nothing better that a good cig in a cold night. Come to think of it, I haven’t had one of those in a long while. I used to smoke a lot when I was a deckhand in our smuggler vessel. It was an easy way to keep yourself warm, focused and awake. “Sir, is it alright, sir!?”
“Yeah. I’m the only one in this fort that smokes this brand, so Hard Knock will know I was the one who authorized this. Besides, this is my fort, I do what I want and what I’m doing isn’t breaking regulations.”
He handed me a stick and gave it a light. The fort’s captain was the most chill guard I have encountered so far. I wish there were more ponies like him around here.
“What about you, Initiate Dusks?”
“Sir, no thank you, sir! Sir, I don’t smoke, sir!”
Thestrals are very conservative. They managed to preserve their thousand-year-old values as a result of their long isolation after Luna’s banishment. I wouldn’t exactly call them backwards, but their practice of abstaining from gambling, alcohol, smoking and other vices, is little too much isn’t it? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
“Are you sure? One stick wouldn’t hurt you know.”
“Sir, thank you for the thought, but no, sir!”
“If you say so. It’s your loss, initiate.”
Then it occurred to me. Why the hell was the captain here? Shouldn’t he be at his office right now. “Sir, why are you here though, sir!?” I asked.
“Just getting some fresh air,” he said, blowing smoke into the sky. “Paper work’s a real bitch. Anyway, I better get back to my office. See you around!”
“Sir, see you around, sir!” I replied, watching the captain wave goodbye as he walked away. I’m definitely buying him a beer after I graduate.
Oh yeah that smoke was fucking good. Sure smoking is bad, but it sure helps in dealing with cold weather and your drill instructor’s bullshit. It’s just what I need to stay focused on guarding this fucking post. Hell, I’m already so focused I can hear somepony grunting while counting numbers. Wait.
“Did you hear that?” Dusty asked.
“Yeah!”
We both turned around and scanned the fort’s inner courtyard. It was empty, but I swear there’s somepony up and about. From the looks of it, the pony must be training. There’s only one way to make sure. I just hope the drill instructors won’t beat me to death for abandoning my post.
“Who the fuck is up at this hour?”
“I don’t know. Let’s go check it out.”
We both quietly flew across the fort grounds, following the faint sound of intense training. After a short while, we both found our pony training at the back of the fort’s storage house.
“Three hundred and ninety-seven, three hundred and ninety-eight, three hundred and ninety-nine, four hundred!” We watched from the dark as Canopy grunted while doing push-ups with one hoof.
Basic training had changed Canopy a lot. The physically and mentally straining workouts, abusive drill instructors, and constant training would’ve already broke him if it weren’t for us. Thanks to his battle buddy’s cooperative nature and our squadron’s constant support, he stood past every challenge that was thrown at him.
He was no longer the wimpy colt he was when he entered, he was now a tough stallion that was skilled in the art of the guard. He’s actually on par with Buster now. And all it took to make that change was self-assurance and a bunch of knucklehead friends to watch your back.
“Should we go in and tell him to stop?” Dusty asked.
“No. let’s leave him be.”
I’m relieved to see that he hasn’t stop trying to improve himself. Though he is breaking curfew by doing it. Still, I watched from the shadows like a proud parent. This kid will drown in bitches by the time we get out of boot camp.
Of all the torture sessions I got from the drill instructor, sparring during the scheduled combat drills were the worst.
Aside from the occasional bad weather during these practices, all of it was rather tame. I didn’t have any extra weight strapped on me, there were no eagles with sharp talons chasing me around and the drill instructors were just watching us silently, intervening only when necessary.
My only issue with it was, the senior drill instructor had me paired with the best fighter among the recruits. And her explicit orders to him was to quote on quote “Beat this son of a bitch’s ass until he turns purple!”
The idea here was he was supposed to do the breaking for the drill instructor. It really didn’t end up as good as she thought though since she picked the wrong pony. Because Buster wasn’t an asshole.
“Fucking hell, Buster! Could you at least give me some leverage next time?” I groaned rolling onto my side as I laid on the ground, grabbing my sore chest as I did. The training armor pads did nothing to block out the pain of the hit I received.
Buster managed to disarm and disable me with a single well placed swing. He did this all the time, so much so in fact that I became known as the unit’s feeble runt. But it’s worth mentioning that all these sparring sessions were done in open ground, my least favored field of combat. We were also given bastard swords which are heavy and hard to use since the only way to use it for non-Unicorns is with your mouth. I might actually get a better chance of winning if I was given a lightweight cutlass or saber that I could hold with my strong wings. Hell, I’d perform better if I was given a pair of daggers!
“Whel i’m sawry partnuurr, but ay sure as hell don’t want thay ...err drill instructaw ta tan my hide because ay done went soft on ya,” he said, extending a hoof which I gladly accepted. Despite the fact that he’s a born killing machine, Buster was surprisingly well mannered for a pony raised in the Badlands. Plus, I like his cowboy accent.
“Still, can you at least just pretend to hit. I can put up a convincing act of being in a lot of pain,” a skill I picked up from one of my ex’s that had an unpleasant kink.
“Shhh!” he shushed, shoving his hoof on my mouth. I swiped it away and look at where he was staring at. I raised an eyebrow as I watched Dusty and Assistant Drill Instructor First Base circle one another. The Senior Drill Instructor just stood there watching them.
“Look, scoundrel. The mad dog’s actually a-doin' it!”
Dusty was the premier swordfighter among us trainees. She was so good in fact that the senior drill instructor said that she could probably win against her assistant in a fair fight. I just didn’t think she’d do something as drastic as to actually go through with her plan to challenge the bastard. All because she wanted to get a chance to change her nickname.
“Crazy bitch,” I muttered, shaking my head in dismay.
She does have a clear advantage here though because she had a sword. The assistant on the other hoof just stood there, swinging that baseball bat of his. He was confident, the LAW was on his side after all.
“Who'd y'all think will win?”
“I think it’s-”
I paused when the two ponies charged at one another simultaneously, a loud cheer erupted from my fellow trainees as the two duked it out. The exchange of swift strikes and skillful parries was an amazing sight. Never in my time had I seen two fighters show that level of finesse and speed. But this was Dusty Dusk’s after all. She’s a pony trained from a young age to be the best.
I opened my mouth and prepared to cheer for her when Buster suddenly put his hoof on my mouth. “Hold on there, partnuurr! Y'all wouldn’t wanna rustle up the seniaw drill instructaw now won’t y'all?”
He had a point there. I gently swiped away his hoof from my face and continued watching the fight attentively.
But something about the assistant drill instructor’s savagery with his attacks was unsettling. He style was a bit unorthodox, as if he’d done this so many times he’s created a specific style of fighting with a baseball bat. I gulped as I imagined how many other recruits got clobbered by his club.
The fight ended as quickly as it began. I watched in horror as a blow from the assistant’s bat managed to brake Dusty’s parry, making her stagger back and exposing herself to attack. The last thing I saw before I closed my eyes was Dusty raising her hooves in an attempt to resist the LAW.
“Son of a fuck!” I heard my battle buddy scream in pain and the crowd of trainees gasp while I turned away. Taking a deep breath, I mustered the courage to view the end result.
“Holy motherfucking dogshit,” I mumbled, slack jawed at the amazing sight.
Dusty was on the ground, grasping her fractured hoof with her other one while the assistant stared at the LAW. The dreaded bludgeon was snapped in the middle, the other half hanging by a few fibers of wood.
“Well I’ll be damned! It looks like the nocturnal abomination’s a born LAW breaker! Corporal First Base, escort the initiate to the infirmary.” the senior drill instructor ordered as she walked to towards the two. “Show’s over ladies! Get back to work!”
From then on, we no longer called Dusty, Cum-guzzler. Everypony now referred to her as the Lawbreaker.
“Ma’am!” Buster shouted, waving his hoof in an attempt to get the senior drill instructor’s attention.
“What is it, Scumbag!?” the drill instructor replied.
“Ma’am, ken ay have ayy change av sparring partnuurrs, ma’am?”
“And why would I do that?”
“Ma’am, so ay ken actually learn how ta faheet ayy real opponent, ma’am!”
Fucking asshole. Then again, I do get his point.
The drill instructor nodded. “Initiate Buster, exchange partners with Initiate Canopy!”
“Ma’am, yes, ma’am!”
A few seconds later, Canopy’s sparring partner arrived. Sweet Bean a.k.a. Cucklord formerly known as the Dykelord came marching forward. The sergeant had a nasty habit of editing the nicknames of the trainees who got cucked by their partners. For example, an initiate who used to go by the name Brunette was renamed Cuckette after shit happened.
“Ma’am, you called me, ma’am?”
“That’s right, Initiate Cucklord!” the drill instructor replied. “Beat this son of a bitch to the ground! Feel free to kill him if you want!”
“But-”
“Do I have a hearing problem or did I actually hear you start your sentence without a ‘ma’am’?”
“Ma’am, I’ll beat the shit out of him, ma’am!”
“Outstanding, trainee!” I watched in relief as the drill instructor march off to Faust knows where.
When I turned to my new partner, I was met by the sight of the Earth Pony mare in a fighting stance. “Hold on there, Sweet Bean. At least let me get my sword first,” I said, walking forward to my weapon which was on the ground right in front of her. I didn’t waste time. The moment I grabbed it, I immediately thrusted my weapon forward. The mare managed to parry it before leaping back.
“Son of a-”
“Always be prepared kid! The monsters out there won’t hesitate to kill you if you’re too slow to act!” I sneered, trying my best to sound intimidating.
To my surprise, it actually worked. Everytime I took a step forward the mare took a step back. I laughed wickedly when I realized that for the first time since day one, I was in control of an engagement. Must’ve had something to do with my reputation as a criminal.
“Scared?” I asked her, a wide grin creeping up my face.
“I’m not afraid of you,” she replied, her voice shaking a bit with fear.
“Lies. Why don’t you come here and prove to me that you aren’t!” I taunted once more, pointing my sword at her face. I sighed in disappointment and lowered my guard when she didn’t take the bait. This fight was going nowhere. I’m getting bored!
And I’m bound to do and say crazy shit when I’m bored.
“I think I now know why your girl left you. You’re all words and no fuck! Just a pathetic and boring dyke!” I really didn’t want to do this, but I had no choice. This fight won’t go anywhere unless I do something.
“Keep saying that and I will fuck you up!”
“What? Just like how Jody fucked your marefriend?” I laughed, watching the mare grit her teeth. Just a little bit more and she’ll break. “You know what, I bet Jody’s fucking her right now… thinking about how happy she was that she abandoned you while they’re doing it! Cause she no longer needs to look after your emotionally dependent bitch-ass.”
“Waaaaghhh!” she roared, charging at me with murder in her eyes.
I rolled onto my side, narrowly avoiding the charge that would’ve surely killed me. I also took the opportunity to trip her with a swipe from my wings making her tumble down on the ground. Having large and powerful wings has its benefits. Seeing my chance, I dashed forward, climbing on top of the mare and disarming her. The fight ended without me even swinging my sword, looks like I really do have a knack for this kind of work
“Nerves of steel, kid! It’ll help you survive out there!” I said, getting off the mare.
“Fuck off!” she replied, throwing a punch that I easily dodged.
“Jeez, kid! It’s nothing personal, I was just getting bored of your lazy ass.”
“Fuck you!” the mare roared as she stood up, tears falling down from her bloodshot eyes.
“I’m sorry, Cucklord! But if you’d actually attacked me I wouldn’t have to say all that.”
“Eat shit and die!” she screamed before she ran away crying. I just stood there, dumbfounded at her reaction. Godess, these Equestrians are so damn onion-skinned.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” I heard a familiar voice call out from behind me. It was the Fatherfucker, and she looked pissed. She probably saw and heard everything.
“It was a taunt, okay! I only tried to fool her into attacking because she was just standing there doing nothing!”
“Could’ve you at least tried something less personal you… insensitive cunt?”
“I could’ve insulted her father that died last week. But that wouldn’t have the same effect.”
She stared at me in pure disgust.
“What?”
“You are sick, Scoundrel. You are a sick bastard.”
“Yeah, whatever!” I said, waving her off before turning around. If I was an inch taller than I was, I would’ve died right there. Why? Because the broken half of a sword just zipped past my head.
“Holy fuck!” I heard Fatherfucker shout as she hit the deck. “Where the fuck did that came from?!”
“Canopy.”
“What? What do you mean, Canopy?”
“It’s from Canopy,” I answered, staring at Canopy. The lanky stallion was panting heavily as he clenched his teeth hard on what was left of his sword. How in the fuck did that happen?
Then I remembered who his opponent was. I slowly turned my gaze to where Canopy was staring. Buster was just standing there, his sword nowhere to be found. “Hey Buster! Where’s your sword?” I asked.
The apex hilly billy pointed a hoof at the roof of our barracks, his eyes still fixed at his opponent. Faust’s fat flank! His sword was sticking out of the fucking roof.
I noticed that the other trainees had stopped what they were doing as well. It seems that we were all astounded by the amount of skill and power at display here. Still the fight had ended as a draw. Or so I thought. The two were still eyeing one another. Canopy stared at his opponent like a wolf analyzing it’s prey while Buster had the creepiest smile on his face.
It took me a while before I realized one important thing. I wasn’t just looking at a fight between two incredibly talented initiates, I was looking at the fight between two of the most powerful Unicorn ponies among us recruits.
Then shit started to get real. Canopy’s horn began to glow a violent blue hue. Sparks of magic were beginning to fly off it. Meanwhile, Buster’s light gray coat changed to a metallic chrome color. So that’s why they call him Steel Fist.
Anyway, I knew shit was gonna hit the fan in a few seconds so I bolted away as quickly as possible. The others were too distracted by the pretty lights to do anything. I was the only trainee, aside from the hysterical Cucklord, that didn’t get injured that day.
The training routines had changed drastically during the past few weeks. The amount of PT we did decreased while the combat and weapon drills became longer and more intense. The boring shit we had to study during lectures were replaced by lessons on the basic physiology of the monsters and demons we might encounter. We were also given an in depth guide on the common organizational structure and terror tactics used by most cults. We were finally learning the real shit.
But keeping up with these training sessions is a bit hard for me since my sleep time had been drastically cut. Why? Because I’ve been assigned to late night fire guard duty for the whole month thanks to the fight between Buster and Canopy.
Sure I wasn’t involved, but the drill instructors somehow managed to reprimand me for doing something out of instinct. They said that I showed cowardice by running away and hiding in the barracks instead of staying and watching the fight. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Stay there and get second degree burns like the other initiates?
So there I was, standing guard at the fucking south wall. A spear in my wing and a tired look on my face while the cold breeze of early autumn blew into my face. Still beats a lengthy prison sentence.
“Fucking DI’s,” I mumbled, trying to keep my eyes open while Canopy and Buster chattered about spells or some shit. They were still friendly with one another even after the incident. It actually brought them closer together as friends.
Anyway, their conversation was as boring as a dictionary. I’d kill to have Dusty accompany me here at the wall right now. Sadly, she sprained a hoof during yesterday’s training exercise and will be unable to walk for a while. That means I’ll have to bear with these two assholes for a while.
“What was that, Scoundrel?” Canopy asked. He and Buster were also given the same punishment as me. Except they got it because they somehow managed to break off the east section of the fort’s wall. I still don’t know why my punishment is on the same level as theirs.
“Yeah, waht's on y'all's maand, scoundrel” Buster asked me, a bit concerned.
“It’s nothing,” I replied.
“Hey, remember those pictures you got from your special somepony? Hey Wait! Where’re you going?”
“I’m going on over to the west wall.”
“Thay ...err west wall? But there is nawone thuurr?”
“Precisely!” I shouted back. “I’m gonna go guard that section of the wall. You two stay put.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“No. Stay where you are!”
I quickened my pace immediately after in order to avoid any more questions. Besides, if I stay there any longer I might’ve be tempted to do some crazy shit or fall asleep from boredom. A quick walk to the west wall should wake me up.
When I reached that section of the wall, I spotted five silhouettes walking in the darkness. I quietly dashed to a nearby barrel and hid behind it while I took a peek.
“And that… That is the damage done by the wonderful initiates training here in my fort,” One of them said sarcastically, pointing at what remained of the east wall.
Wait, I recognize that voice. It’s Captain Forthright’s. Who’s he talking to?
“Well um… it looks like nothing taxpayer money can’t fix,” the other pony joked in reply. From the tone of that voice and the slender figure of the silhouette, I say she’s a mare. “Lieutenant, please remind me to write a report about the wall when we get back to the castle,” she said, turning to a pony beside her.
“As you wish, Lady Twilight,” replied the other pony.
Wait did she just call her, Lady Twilight? As in, Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Harmony.
“You there! Step out of the shadows now or face my wrath!” I heard the Princess’ aide call out. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit!
Then I remembered I was on fire guard duty and that I was supposed to be guarding the wall, though I am at the wrong side of it. I stepped out of my cover and stood at attention and looked at them with the trademark guard scowl. Doing my duty probably won’t get me hanged, right?
“Who goes there?!” I asked, pointing my spear at them.
“Sweet Celestia! Kid, you almost gave me a heart attack,” the fort captain exclaimed with a relieved sigh.
“Captain, please explain,” the princess’ aide ordered.
I already know who most of them are, but I still need to follow regulations. “Who goes there?!” I asked again, a little harder this time. They still haven’t answered my question and if they refuse to for a third time, I will be forced to take action.
“I am this fort’s commanding officer, Captain Forthright. Beside me is Princess Twilight and her personal guard,” the captain answered. “Stand down, initiate!”
Still, regulations say I can’t stand down until I got visual confirmation. Fortunately, there was a lit torch scone not far from where they were. “Step into the light, now!”
“What kind of dogshit is this?!” the princess’ aide asked with a very pissed tone. “Stand down now or I will fry you!” sparks then began flying out of her horn and it illuminated her face. Her opal eyes contrasted heavily with her dark orchid coat, and that eye scar of hers did well to make her more intimidating. But what struck me most was her horn. It was broken.
“Tempest, stand down!” the princess ordered.
“But-”
“He’s acting as expected of a sentry. Are you going to fry an initiate following the rules of engagement for dealing with unidentified individuals?” she interrupted. Lt. Tempest, the princess’ aide, stopped the flow of magic from her horn. I can still feel her glaring at me though. “Good. I’m glad we got that straightened out,” the princess added.
“I’m going to count to three. If you don’t step into the light, I will have to-”
I was cut off by the princess suddenly making the sky twice as bright. I almost fell back at the sight of the tall alicorn mare. Her eyes were glowing with magic and her horn was blazing with light. It was a sight to behold.
The night sky still wasn’t that bright at all, but it was bright enough that I could properly identify the five ponies. There was the captain, the princess, her aide, and two other royal guards wearing a silver version of the Solar Guard armor that had golden engravings in it.
“The princess doesn’t step into the light, initiate. The light steps to her,” Tempest said, her eyes still staring daggers at me. The tall mare was wearing a dark armor suit that looked very different from the standard Equestria pattern armor sets. “Now. Do stand down before-”
She paused when I dropped my spear and bowed down. “Forgive my ignorance, your highness, I was merely following the standard protocol,” I really don’t like making myself look like a remorseful wimp, but sometimes it can’t be helped. Especially if I might’ve actually pissed off an actual goddess.
“Was hiding behind a barrel like a pussy also standard protocol for you?” Tempest sneered.
I ignored her. “I ask for your mercy and forgiveness, Princess Twilight.”
To my surprise, the princess started laughing. Was I saved? Or did I somehow triggered her sadistic side and that laugh was an indication that I was going to die horribly? “Now why would I have to forgive somepony who was doing what was expected of him? You were doing your job were you not?”
“I-I was, y-y-our highness,” I haven’t stammered this hard in a long time. I kept my head down and avoided eye contact.
“Please, just call me Twilight. Or Lady Twilight if you feel that it isn’t formal enough,” she said. I raised my head and looked at her, she was in her normal state now. This was the first time I have ever seen an alicorn with my bare eyes. They really are as stunning as they say.
Princess Twilight was not just tall, she was huge. She dwarfed her two guards and aide. Hell, she’ll probably even make Canopy look short by comparison. And damn was she sexy. That long slender neck, those perfect curves, pretty purple eyes and her long silky mane made her look like the very definition of beauty.
“Stop ogling at the, princess,” the captain ordered politely.
“Sir, I apologize, sir!” I answered, standing up straight.
“Captain, who is this lowlife?” Tempest asked the captain. Lowlife was pretty tame compared to the names my drill instructor called me, so I wasn’t offended at all.
“That lowlife is the Penal Guard recruit, lieutenant,” the captain answered. “His name is Cloud Clipper, or Scoundrel, as his instructor likes to call him.”
“Penal Guard recruit eh. Tell me Scoundrel, what are you in for?” Tempest asked, no longer with eyes of hate but of curiosity.
“Smuggling.”
“Interesting. We’ve never had a smuggler in our ranks before.”
“We?”
Tempest pointed a free hoof at a badge pinned on the left side of her armor’s collar. It was the standard shield, horn, wings and star of the Harmony Guard, except there’s an iron chain ring around it. “I’m a member of the Penal Guard. In fact, the two ponies behind me are also members.”
I looked at the two stallions behind them, they were indeed wearing the same badge. “Nice armor you got there, ma’am. Will I get one as well?”
“That depends, initiate. Armor within our special units differ from unit to unit,” The mare squinted as she inspected me. “If you do good in the interview, you might join us, the Penal Guard Team 1, more commonly referred to as the Twilight Guard.”
Wait. The Princess is Guarded by a team of Penal Guards? Holy shit, no wonder the recruitment process is so damn complicated. And what’s this interview she’s talking about?
“What do you think, Tempest?” the princess asked.
“He’s a bit too short, but his wings are bigger than average. Odd…” she exclaimed. “Tell me, initiate. Are you good at flying?”
“I’m an average flyer, ma’am.”
“Then what do you have to offer to the guard then? You neither look tough nor intimidating.”
“Well, the fact that I haven’t given up despite all the shit you ordered those two to throw at me is still something, isn’t it?” ever since the first day, I’ve had the feeling that there’s a reason why the DI’s treated me like shit. That it was because they needed to train me to be harder than a normal guard. Now was the time to find out if I’m right. “You better tell those drill instructors to abuse me harder if you want me out of your program. Because at this rate, I’m going to pass it like a breeze.”
I got goosebumps as a smile crept up Tempest’s cheeks. She was a really tall and intimidating pony. “Indeed, initiate. Indeed,” she replied. I think that confirms it, I’m abused harder because I’m meant to join a higher class within the guard. “I’ll be keeping a close eye on you, initiate.”
The princess nodded. “I think we better move on with the inspection, Tempest,” she suggested.
“As you wish,” Tempest replied.
“Oh and by the way,” the princess said, staring at me. “You could take the night off and go to sleep. Tell your drill instructor that I ordered it to be so.”
I beamed as I watched Tempest and the Captain shot Twilight confused looks. “But your highness! That would undermine his training.”
“I have to agree with the, lieutenant. He may not like this treatment, but he needs this!” the captain said. What the fuck dude! I thought we were bros! But then again, he does want what’s best for us trainees.
“It’s just one night, Captain. It wouldn’t hurt him that much,” the princess replied. “Besides, I want him to be well rested and ready for tomorrow’s surprise.”
Surprise? I love surprises! “I beg your pardon, your highness?”
“You’ll have to wait and see it for yourself, initiate,” she answered before walking off with her entourage. “I’d go back to the barracks if I were you. You are going to need that extra sleep.”
The night sky went dark once more as I watched them walk away. My eyes were still plastered at the sight of her flanks though. The sight of them swaying left and right as she walked was divine. Those curves were just so damn fine.
“Stop ogling at the princess!” Tempest shouted, her head turned back to face me. I bolted off before she could say another word.
As she said, the surprise did come the following day. We were all at the mess hall during that time when we were enjoying the so called food prepared by the mess hall. Seriously, only the ponies working at the mess hall had the ability to somehow fuck up and make an uncooked potato and half a pickle taste bad.
“Attention you pieces of dogshit!” Me and the rest of my squad turned to the drill instructors who marched in the mess hall. “We got a surprise for all of you good for nothing scumbags! Move out and form up outside! Now!”
We did as we were told and we all lined up outside in an orderly fashion. There we saw several covered wagons parked on the fort’s inner courtyard.
“What do you think this surprise is about, Scoundrel?” Lawbreaker asked me.
“I don’t know,” I answered plainly.
Just then, the assistant drill instructor walked over to one of the wagons and took off the cover with a quick pull of his hooves. Inside was what many ponies refer to as the thing made us guards, guards.
“These is the Model 1004 Harmony Guard Armor. The standard armor of the Harmony Guard!” our senior drill instructor explained, pointing a hoof at the armor sets stacked neatly within the wagon. This was one hell of a surprise.
The armor differed greatly from its Solar Guard and Night Guard counterpart. What set it apart was that it was designed to provide the greatest possible protection to its wearer. That meant that the armor covered everything from head to hoof since its wearers were expected to see actual combat unlike the other guards who just wore theirs for ceremonial and traditional purposes. Its design was actually more similar to the ancient armor of the Pre-Equestrian Knights than its contemporaries.
But despite all this, it was said the armor didn’t restrict movement and you can actually do jumping jacks and push-ups while wearing it. Though I found it hard to believe since these things must’ve weighed a ton.
“We’re giving these out to you now so that we could begin training you all about proper armor maintenance as well as to prepare you for a life entombed in this glorious shell of steel!” She turned to her assistant and nodded. “Corporal, you may proceed.”
“Step right up as I call your name!” he said, taking out a clipboard and a quill.
I felt a cold chill run up my spine as I stared at one of the armor sets. The blackness within the visor was unsettling. So was the fact that when we wear this, we will become the faceless brutes of her highness. Her favored tools when dealing with demonic apparitions, eldritch abominations, and cultist scum.
For the first time since accepting the offer, I asked myself. Was I really ready for this responsibility?
“By the way. You maggots will be paying for your armor set and uniforms once basic training is done!”
“You know what, Scoundrel. I think you’re too nice to be a criminal,” Canopy said while he helped me set up our squad’s tent. “If you hadn’t told us you were one, we’d have easily believed that you’re a normal law abiding citizen.”
“That’s cause I’m barely even a criminal, Canopy,” I answered. “The only crime I’m guilty off is selling shit at a bargain price by not giving the government it’s cut of the profit.”
The forest at the base of the Foal Mountain range was beautiful this time of year. The dark orange color of the autumn leaves matched with the red backdrop of the setting sun was a beautiful sight. The world might be a harsh place, but I’m happy that I at least get to see beautiful stuff like this every once in a while.
We were on the last week of basic training and we would be graduating soon. That’s why the drill instructor thought now would be a good time to do one of the old traditions passed down from generation after generation of guardsponies on all branches. The Long March.
It was simple really. The training unit will be led by the drill instructors in a hundred-mile march for several days. But since our drill instructor was an asshole, she decided to add a bit of hiking to it. That’s why we were at the base of the Foal Mountains, we had to climb the fucking thing tomorrow.
Our unit had stopped earlier and decided to make camp in a small clearing near start of the narrow mountain road. All round us were other ponies going about their duties, doing things like setting up tents, cleaning equipment and collecting firewood.
As usual, the two drill instructors were also busy making our lives miserable. They patrolled the camp’s premises berating the initiates for every small mistake they made.
Meanwhile on the top of a large boulder near the center of the camp, Captain Forthright watched us silently. He came along since The Long March can’t be done without the supervision of an officer. He immediately volunteered when offered the job. So there he was, silently watching us as he evaluated our performance.
“But not paying taxes is still wrong!” canopy reasoned. It was a perfectly valid point, for him at least.
“Yeah, but I’m not going to give my money to the crown just so it could throw another party for the nobles that are loyal to it.” I said, turning to face him. “Do you think it’s fair for us ponies living in the Frozen North to work ourselves to death for a barely livable income, while the nobles at Canterlot feed off our taxes?”
“I…” Canopy couldn’t answer immediately. He was from one of the noble families in Canterlot so he knows all about this. “But it isn’t fair that you go on freeloading while other hardworking ponies pay their due.”
“That may be, but life up north is different from here,” I replied. If I’d been born in raised here in the peaceful side of Equestria, I would’ve probably been an honest laborer. But I lost the birth lottery and I just had to be born in the Frozen North as an orphan. That’s like rolling two D20’s and getting a critical fail, twice. And yes, even us smugglers play Ogres & Oubliettes to pass the time while sailing.
“Out here it might be all nice and easy for you. But up there, honest work will only give you malnutrition and make you a prime target for bandit raids,” I explained. “If you wanna live, you need to have the guts to do things that normal ponies wouldn’t be able to do. Sometimes that includes breaking the law.”
“Still, that’s no excuse for doing crime!” If this privileged asshole knew what life is like up there, he wouldn’t be spewing this righteous bullshit. “A crime is still a crime even if it is done out of necessity!”
“I’d accept that reality of yours when the ponies of the north no longer experience hunger and bandit raids. Until then, I’ll assume all that tax money goes to the galas and vices of the Noble scum!”
“Would you two fuckwads shut the fuck up!” We both stopped what we were doing and turned to face the assistant drill instructor who scowled at us. “You’re supposed to set up your tents, not debate about politics and ethics. Leave that to the National Assembly. They actually know their shit unlike you, dumbasses”
“Sir, we apologize, sir!” we both answered in unison.
“Then shut the fuck up and get back to-”
“Wait!” I interrupted when I heard the sound of some tree leaves rustling. I had spent enough time in the wild to know if such a sound was made by an animal or not. And that, that was no animal. “Did you hear that?!”
“Initiate, you know how I hate it when you don’t start your sentence with a-”
“Sir! Over there! Sir!” I shouted after I saw a flash of white moving across the top of the tree line like a phantom. What the bloody hell was that? “Sir, it was right there, sir!”
The assistant drill instructor sighed when he turned around to see nothing. “What, Initiate? There’s nothing there.”
There was something there. I swear on my rotten soul, there was something there and it was watching me.
“What’s there, initiate?” The captain asked as he approached us.
“Sir, it’s-”
“Nothing, sir. The initiate is just seeing things.”
“Sir, but I’m not, sir!”
“Well then, I guess you should-”
“Corpsmare!” The four of us turned to see Lawbreaker, previously known as Cum-guzzler, carrying Fatherfucker on her back. The Earth Pony mare wasn’t in good shape. “I got a mare down!”
The two mares were the ones on our squad assigned to gather firewood. I was originally supposed to be the pony to accompany Lawbreaker, but the drill instructor insisted that I stay in the camp where she can see me. Why? Because she suspected that I would use the opportunity to run away.
“What in the fucking hell happened, initiate!?” The senior drill instructor asked as we all ran to see what’s up. “You were supposed to collect firewood, not participate in a fucking battle. Dumbass!”
“Ma’am, Snake bite, ma’am!” Lawbreaker answered as she laid down Fatherfucker on the ground. The poor thing was sweating all over and breathing heavily. “Damn it! We should’ve brought our armor with us!”
None of us were wearing armor except for those assigned to guard the premises. This was done in order to make us work faster. All the armor and equipment our squadron possessed were currently being cleaned by the two ponies we assigned to the task. Those two ponies were Buster and Cucklord.
“Fuck!” Dusty shouted, slamming one of her hooves on the ground.
“Well then you two dumbfucks should’ve listened-”
“Calm down initiate, it’s not your fault. Everything will be fine. Sargent, do we have antivenom?” The captain asked.
“Yes sir. I had one of the initiates bring a dozen all-purpose antivenom shots.”
The captain then turned to face the initiate. “Where’s the firewood you were supposed to collect.”
“Sir, I left it somewhere at the forest, sir,” the Thestral answered with her head hung low in shame.
“Do you remember where you left it?”
“Sir, yes, sir,” she answered.
“Good. Take Canopy with you and get it back. We’ll take care of Initiate Fatherfucker,” the captain then paused and thought about something for a while before he turned to me. “Actually, take your battle buddy with you instead. He’s starting to go crazy.”
What? I’m not going crazy. This is because of the thing I saw wasn’t it.
“Sir?” Lawbreaker asked.
“He’s been seeing things that aren’t there. Perhaps a quick walk through the woods would knock some sense into him.”
“And if he tries to run away, you’re free to kill him!” The senior drill instructor added.
Called it. Fucking called it! I knew the son of a bitch wouldn’t believe me. There was really somepony, or something, up there dammit. I’m not going crazy. I’m just stating the fucking truth!
“Sir, we’ll be getting our armor first, sir!”
“No. Go on over to the supply tent and take a couple of antivenom shots. It’s a lot lighter. I need you to move fast, initiate. Nighttime is upon us.”
“Sir, right away, sir!” Lawbreaker replied before turning to me with a smile. “Initiate Scoundrel, follow me.”
I scanned the treetops while me and Dusty walked across the woods, searching for the firewood she dropped. The eerie silence of the forest was broken by the occasional bird call or cricket sound, but there’s something out there. I can feel it.
Above us, I can see the sun starting to set. It will be dark soon. We need to hurry.
“It’s all my fault, Scoundrel. She wouldn’t have been bitten if I wasn’t so careless,” Dusty said, her guilt leaking into her tone. I’ve spent enough time with her to know things others don’t, especially since she felt comfortable enough to share some of her personal issues with me. Because of that, I found out just how emotional she can be when she fails big time. She doesn’t handle failure that well.
I reckon it’s because of how her family raised her. All those years she spent training hard prevented her from experiencing the joys of youth. All the time she had to suppress her emotions in order to get better. These were bound to give her some issues when she grew up.
Thank Faust I wasn’t born to a military family; I’d actually rather stay an orphan. Some of the shit I had to put up with as an orphan were quite tame when compared to the things Thestral military families did to their foals.
I stopped, turned around and faced her. She looked like she was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. “No it is not!”
No matter how tough Dusty may be on the outside, she’s still a mare. And mares are very emotional creatures. That is why I hate having to deal with them at times. I hate hearing their depressing bullshit. I already have a lot of problems as it is and I don’t need to hear theirs.
“No. I-”
“It was an accident, Dusty. There was nothing anypony can do!” I interrupted. I’m not gonna let her complete her statements and self-loath. I’m gonna smother her with kind words and hope she forgets about her depressing shit. Because I fucking hate it when other ponies get depressed all of the sudden. Seriously, they should really learn how to lighten up.
“But-”
“Listen to me, Dusty. You are a pony, not a god. You can and will make mistakes,” I explained. “Now there are two ways you can deal with these mistakes. You can either wallow in your own pitiful wails, or you can learn from them and do better next time!”
My glare made her break eye contact by looking down on the ground. “Still. I could’ve at least-”
I used a free wing to grab her cheek and lift her head. I honestly want to slap her to get rid of all that wangst, but I’m not gonna resort to that. Yet. “Listen, everything will turn out fine. Tomorrow Fatherfucker will be up and running and you’ll look back at this moment and tell yourself, ‘why did I even worry’. It will all be fine, Dusty. It’ll all be fine,” I then pulled her close for a hug. Everypony needs a hug every once in a while. Hugs are nice and they really help at a time like this.
I heard a faint squeak came out of her from my sudden act. After a few seconds of shock, I felt her return the gesture, albeit a bit harder than I expected. I could feel the air being squeezed out of my lungs.
“Thank you, Scoundrel,” she said pulling away with a wide smile on her face which was beet red. It always happens when you take ponies by surprise.
I coughed a little and took a deep breath after she pulled away. “Oh it’s nothing. Besides, that’s what battle buddies are for. We look after each other’s back and you sure looked like you’re in distress.”
“I’ll be sure to return the favor then,” she replied with a determined look on her face.
There was still something bothering me though. “Whatever happened to the snake that bit Fatherfuker?”
Dusty stared at me blankly for a moment. Then she took a deep breath and said “I ate it.”
“You…” I paused and blinked several times in disbelief. What kind of fucking psychopath does that kind of shit?! “Ate it!? Dude, what the fuck!”
“I was hungry okay! All I’ve been eating these past few months are bread, vegetables and fruits,” she turned away with a huff. “I already killed the fucking thing and it’ll be a waste if I just leave it there! Besides, I miss the taste of fresh meat and blood.”
“Okay… okay I’m sorry. Anyway, it’s getting late. I think we should get going,” I said, looking at the sky. It was gradually turning blue.
“Yeah…” Dusty replied as she looked up as well. “We should get going.”
“Lead the way then,” I replied, pointing my other wing at the path ahead.
I watched as Dusty trotted forward enthusiastically. It was good to see Dusty in good spirits again. But what’s even better was the clear view of her flanks I got by letting her go first. They were just so damn fine.
After a while, we finally found the large bundle of firewood that Dusty abandoned earlier. The rope which tied the thing together appeared to have snapped. It was getting a bit dark, so we immediately began tying it up again.
“Hey, Scoundrel,” Dusty called me while she was knotting the rope around her bundle.
“Yes?”
“Remember that time we were guarding the wall? The one where the captain came and offered us a cigarette.”
“Oh yeah,” I replied. I still remember that fucking cigarette. It was one damn good smoke. “What about it?”
“I was going to tell you something remember.”
“Ah yes, the one the captain interrupted. What was it about?”
“Well you see-”
We both suddenly stopped what we were doing, raised our ears and sat still. “Can you-”
“Yes. I can feel it,” Dusty replied. She was a Thestral so her senses were a lot sharper than mine. Perhaps she can actually find out who or what in the god damn was stalking us trainees.
“What do we do?” I asked, staring at her.
“Just stay still. I got this” she answered with a reassuring smile and a wink. I then watched her close her eyes and pull out a dagger from her trainee fatigues. Shit was about to go down.
I didn’t know how long we sat there, but after what seemed like forever, Dusty made her move. She stood up, opened her eyes, and threw the dagger at the tree tops. The blade flew across the air like a bolt of lightning, but it still wasn’t enough. All I saw was a brief flash of white and a few rustling leaves on the canopy before the relative silence was broken by the sound of a projectile burying itself in wood.
“Damn it!” Dusty shouted, stomping her hoof on the ground. “I missed! I almost had her.”
“Sweet Faust! That thing was fast as hell!” I said in disbelief. We had to be dealing with a ghost. Nopony can move that fast. “We need to- Wait! Look over there!” I pointed at a faint white object falling from the sky.
Dusty wasted no time and flew towards the object. She came back with it clenched in her teeth before she spat it on the ground in front of me. “It’s a feather.”
I picked the white feather up and inspected it. Judging from the size and shape, I’d say it’s a Pegasus wing feather. And this was no ordinary Pegasus, this was a bigger-than-average Pegasus that could fly fast. We would be in big trouble if that thing was hostile.
“We need to get back. Now! That damned Pegasus is still out there,” I said, shoving the white plume into my uniform’s breast pocket.
Dusty nodded before we both reached for our firewood bundles. After that, we ran off without looking back.
“You thinks it’s still out there?” Dusty asked, her eyes scanning the treetops at the edge of the camp.
I raised the visor of my helmet before replying. “I don’t know, Dusty. I-”
“Shhh!” She shushed me. “We’re at camp! Call me by my nickname. If the drill instructor hears us we’l get our asses fried!” She whispered.
“Roger that, Psycho,” I replied.
Yeah, Dusty got a new name after the drill instructors found out she ate the snake.
The evidence of our encounter earlier managed to finally convince the commanding staff that I wasn’t crazy. Apparently, the two shithead DI’s were only willing to listen to Dusty, not me.
Things still didn’t go my way though. Because of the proof that there is a lone Pegasus stalking us from afar, the DI’s decided to have half the entire unit stay up for the night to guard the camp. Me and Dusty were one of those ponies.
We were both standing guard at the north end of the camp near the mountain road, wearing our freshly polished Harmony Guard armor. I was surprised to find out that this suit of armor barely restricted my movement. I could do jumping jacks and somersaults in this thing with ease. It was kinda heavy though. But thankfully, I was used to carrying heavy shit my back so I had an easy time adjusting.
I just had one problem with it. The velvet lining on the underside of my armor’s helmet was kind of itchy. And believe me when I say that it was hard trying to keep an eye out for the mysterious Pegasus while the itch on the backside of your ear is driving you crazy.
“Oh fuck yes,” Psycho whispered. “Say it again please.”
“What? Psycho?”
“Yeah, that’s the one!” She said with a satisfied sigh.
“What the fuck is-”
“What!? Do you know how satisfying it is to be called Lawbreaker or Psycho after spending a long time being referred to as Cum-guzzler!” She reasoned. I can see her point. “I mean, it just wasn’t fair that you guys got awesome nicknames like, Buster and Fatherfucker while I got… that name.”
“What’s wrong with that name?” I asked with a grin.
“It implied that I’m a whore!”
“Wait, you aren’t?”
The armor was meant to protect us from powerful blows that would’ve easily killed us with one hit, but it did a bad job at absorbing shock. The punch Psycho delivered felt like a fucking bullet and it made me kneel on the ground. It was fucking worth it though. I still got a good laugh out of that one.
“Oh you think that’s funny huh!” Psycho shouted, raising her hoof again.
“I’m sorry!” I replied, barely able to contain my laughter. “It was just a joke! Jeez, chill the fuck out!”
“That wasn’t a joke. Jokes are supposed to be funny!” She said before slapping me.
“What in the bloody hell is going on here!” We heard somepony shout from behind us. I nearly pissed myself when I realized who that voice belonged to. “You scumbags better have a sound explanation for your lollygagging, or I’ll show you two what happened to those initiates who got lost during last year’s Long March.”
“Ma’am, I-”
“Ma’am, just reminding the Scoundrel who’s in charge, ma’am!” That was a very good excuse actually. The drill instructor’s usually let anything pass if it involved me getting my ass beaten.
“Good,” the drill instructor replied. She was no longer wearing her instructor attire and was instead sporting the guard’s official bomber jacket. The thing is, she’s wearing the Night Guard variant.
“Ma’am, permission to ask a question, ma’am?!” I asked, getting my ass off the ground and pulling down my helmet’s visor.
“Go ahead, Scoundrel.”
“Ma’am, where’d you get that jacket, ma’am!?”
The drill instructor paused. She’s trying to make up a story, I guarantee it. “I… won it from a bet with some cunt from the Night Guard. Obviously, I fucking won!”
I’m not buying that, but I’ll play along because I don’t want to get my sorry ass beaten. “Ma’am, you sure did, ma’am!”
“Any sighting of the white Pegasus?”
“Ma’am, no, ma’am!” We answered in unison.
“Keep on looking, Scumbags. If you see anything suspicious, report it to me immediately so I can organize a hunting party! I’m gonna personally skin that son of a bitch alive for messing with my training exercise!”
“Ma’am, understood, ma’am!”
“Good!” she said before turning to Psycho. “And remember. You are free to kill Scoundrel, if he tries to run away! Do you understand!?”
“Ma’am, understood, ma’am!” my battle buddy answered without hesitation. I hope it’s because she’s confident that I won’t run away, because I sure as hell won’t.
We both watched silently as she trotted away and breathed a sigh of relief when she was out of sight.
“Sweet Luna, I almost pissed myself!” Psycho said with a chuckle.
“Same here,” I replied.
What followed was a long and awkward silence. The two of us just stood there and kept an eye out for that damned stalker. Anyway, I thought this was a great time to ask my Thestral friend about Thestral stuff.
“Hey, Psycho.”
“Yeah?”
“How do you manage to stay awake and perform well at day? I mean, aren’t you guys supposed to be nocturnal.”
“That’s because I conditioned myself to stay up during the day and sleep at night before I went here. It was a painfully long and frustrating task, but I managed to normalize it after twenty days.”
“Cool.”
“Do you have anything else you wanna ask?”
“Actually, there is this one thing.” I answered. “I just noticed. I’ve never heard you sing a song or recite a poem.”
Now that might come off as a weird thing to ask, but this is a legitimate question. Song and poetry are both important in Thestral culture. Their history is recorded in the form of songs and epics, debates are traditionally done in poetic form, and even their warriors have a special song that they sing before a battle. There’s even a popular saying that Thestral foals are taught how to sing the moment they learn how to speak.
Why? Because songs and poems are a representation of sound in a harmonic form. Sound is sacred to the Thestrals. Their priests say it was what helped them navigate through the darkness and into their deity’s lunar light. So I found it odd that Dusty hasn’t sung anything unlike the other Thestral recruits in our training unit.
“Well… I’m just… I don’t like my singing. It’s not as good as the other Thestrals,” she explained, looking on the ground in shame.
“Oh don’t be like that,” I replied, placing a comforting hoof on her back. “Besides, I really want to hear that famous pre-battle song you guys have. I hear only the members of the warrior clans are allowed to sing it.”
Psycho pulled back and stared at me in disgust. Did I say something wrong? “That song is sacred, Scoundrel. We’re only allowed to sing it if there’s a battle ahead, not for some mere pony’s entertainment!” Oh. That explains that reaction.
“We’re kind of in the verge of a battle you know,” I reasoned. I really want to hear that song. “There’s a thing out there waiting to strike, singing that seems appropriate at a time like this.”
“Hmm…” she scratched her chin. “I guess you’re right.”
Bingo.
“But… I’m really not good at singing.”
Oh come on! “Don’t give me that shit, Psycho. There’s no such thing as a Thestral with a horrible singing voice!” Besides, I think Dusty’s soft and high pitched voice might be good for singing.
“Okay. I’ll give you the translated version so you can understand it,” she said, removing her helmet and laying it on the ground. She then took a deep breath and sang. I wasn’t prepared for her brilliance.
Clashing of the swords: a song of the defiant.
The path of fighting is the path of life.
So amidst an assault, tyranny is destroyed.
And concealment of the voice results in the beauty of the echo.
Sweet Faust! She wasn’t a horrible singer, she was perfect. Her voice was angelic and It felt as if the heavens themselves were singing that song. I stood there, slack-jawed at the amazing display of talent. Then I began to feel something else.
I felt my heart thump hard and my cheeks heat up while I watched her perform. I don’t know if the song had a hypnotizing effect or if I’m just starting to hallucinate from sleep deprivation, but there was something different about the Dusty I’m looking at. I just can’t help thinking about how… How gorgeous she was.
By it my religion is glorified, and tyranny is laid low.
So, oh my ponies, awake on the path of the brave.
For either being alive delights leaders, or being dead vexes the enemy.
I think it must’ve been moonlight. There’s just something about the way that gentle ray of light touched her tender features. It made me notice just how pretty her silky pink mane was, how gentle those baby blue eyes were, and how fierce and stunning her hardened expression looked as she sung her battle song. Her beauty rivaled that of the alicorns.
So arise, brothers, sisters, get up on the path of salvation,
So we may march together, resist the aggressors,
Raise our glory, and raise the foreheads
That have refused to bow before any besides Luna.
Simply standing there and watching her perform evoked a feeling of bliss, which differed greatly from the raw lust I felt every time I gazed on her flanks. It made me look at her not with eyes of desire, but with ones of admiration. I don’t know why, But I think… I think I’m actually falling for her.
Damn you, Princess Cadence! The last thing I wanted was to develop a personal attachment to somepony. That’s the kind of shit that gets us smugglers killed. Plus, she’s my superior. This shit you’re trying to pull off is illegal!
“Scoundrel? Are you okay?” She said, waving a hoof at my face. “Hello! Equestria to Scoundrel, please respond!”
“Huh!” I said, snapping out of my euphoric trance. I was so hypnotized by her splendor that I didn’t even notice that she had finished her performance. “What is it?” I asked, still at a loss for words.
“Your face…” she giggled while covering her mouth with one of her wings. It was a cute sight. “You should look at the mirror. And your wings. Oh boy!”
Wait what?
Dusty raised her left hoof in a position that allowed her bracer to show my reflection. There were no words that could describe how embarrassed I was at that moment.
I cringed hard when I saw my face. It had the deepest shade of red I have ever seen it had. I closed swiftly closed my visor in an attempt to hide it only to notice another thing that was clearly out of place.
Sometimes I envy the Unicorns and Earth Ponies because they never have to put up with this shit. What is this shit you ask? It was my wings. My giant fucking wings! They were spread out wide and fully erect. I tried to regain control of the damned things only to make myself look like a mentally retarded shithead from all the grunting I did.
“So…” Psycho said, rubbing a hoof on the ground as she stared off into the distance. “Did you like it?”
“It was fucking amazing!” I answered with a wide smile. “I mean, look at these things,” I said pointing a hoof at my fully erect wings. “They wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t stunned by your performance.”
“Really!”
“Your singing is shit!” The drill instructor shouted all the way from the other side of the camp. “I’ve known some shell shocked ponies who could still sing better than you. You, nocturnal cunt! Now get back to guarding before I get over there and rip your vocal cords off”
We both stood up straight and resumed our duty of guarding the premises once the instructor’s outburst was done. I was worried her negative response might’ve spoiled my battle buddy’s mood, but a brief glance of her face before it was once again covered by her helmet refuted that. That sweet smile she wore was a clear sign she was over the moon.
“Thank you.”
“What?” I asked, stunned at the sudden display of appreciation.
“That was the thing I wanted to say to you,” She explained as she raised her helmet’s visor before facing me. “You know, the thing that I was supposed to say before we got interrupted earlier.”
“But… But what’s it for?”
“What? I think it’s only right that I thank you,” she replied. “Every time I was in deep shit or having trouble dealing with my own shit, you were there to help me. I really appreciate that,” I have to admit, that compliment made me blush.
“Don’t you think you’ve been thanking me enough?” I joked. I mean seriously. It’s as if this kid hadn’t experienced what a simple act of kindness was like.
“No. I don’t think so. I’ve never had anypony treat me this nicely before.”
What the fuck. Is she serious?
“Every time I showed a sign of weakness, no matter how small it was, I’d get beaten. Every mistake, every failure, every inadequacy, had its corresponding punishment.”
Holy shit. She told me it was bad, but she didn’t tell me it was this bad! Thestral military families really are fucked up aren’t they.
“There’s no place for weakness in this family. That was what my mother always told me,” She explained. “There was a belief in our clan that showing kindness and emotional support to us foals will make us soft. That it will make us weak.”
That’s it, I can’t take this depressing shit anymore. “Dusty-”
“She’s wrong,” she interrupted me with a voice that was as soft as silk but was as strong as iron. I couldn’t say a word. I was too stunned. “The kindness you showed me every time I was feeling down, did more to strengthen me than all those years of training. The support you gave me every time I fuck up, did more to make me braver than all the times I was thrown into the wolves.”
I was speechless. I really had no idea what to say.
“Cloud. I just want to tell you, that you’re as important to me as my own family,” she said with a wide smile. Wait, did she just call me by my name? Holy fucking shit, she called me by my own name. “You mean a lot to me. I want you to remember that,” I’ve been with enough ponies to know whether their words were sincere or not. Dusty’s were as authentic as they can get.
There was this warm feeling on my chest when she said that. I’ve never meant this much to anypony before. I was just always either a disposable tool or a friend who could give favors. But now, I actually mattered to somepony. I have no words to describe how ecstatic that made me.
I cringed as wet streams of liquid began rolling down my cheeks. Fucking dammit. I was crying! Thank Faust I kept my visor down.
“Don’t worry, Dusty,” I replied, doing my best to hide the whirlpool of emotions I’m having. I actually managed to do a good job at it this time. “The feeling’s mutual.”
Without a word, she came forward and gave me a hug. It was a brief one, but boy was it good. It was so good in fact, that it made me feel as if time had stopped and that all the bad in the world disappeared for just that short moment. Dusty sure gives the best damn hugs.
After what felt like forever, she pulled away and smiled at me one last time before closing her visor.
I have this personal rule to avoid emotional connections with other ponies. It made dealing with life a lot easier for me. But now I’m going to make an exception for Dusty. She’s the one friend I’ll cherish till the day I die.
What followed was a long period of awkward silence as we continued our task of looking out for any sign of the white Pegasus. We still couldn’t find shit though, but I could still feel its presence.
We both paused and stood still when we heard a twig snap not far away from where we were. We nodded at one another before we silently walked on over to the source of the sound.
Imagine the look on our face when we saw Cucklord, all alone wearing only her trainee fatigues, walking up the mountain road. I frowned as I tried to piece together what the bloody hell this moody bitch is up to.
“Psst!Scoundrel, what do you think she’s up to?” Psycho asked, leaning closely beside me.
I felt my face heat up once again. She was way too close for comfort. “I don’t know. But I think she’s up to no good.”
So we did what any sensible guardspony would do and followed her. It wasn’t really a hard task. All we had to do was keep our distance and not lose sight of her.
Cucklord’s been acting strangely these past few months. She was no longer the same wimpy earth pony mare from before. She’s been stepping up her game, just like Canopy. The thing is, while her current physical performance was outstanding, I don’t think her mental stability was.
I’ve seen her talking to herself on more than one occasion and there were times when she just silently stared at nothing for extended periods of time. It must’ve had something to do with the pain of knowing her partner cheated on her, which was further enhanced by having dickheads like me around.
Yeah, I kinda regret offending her now. I think she’s on the verge of a really, really bad mental break down.
We followed her for a good thirty minutes before she stopped at the part of the road overlooking our camp. I watched silently as she gazed over the horizon, a lifeless expression on her face and a bleak emptiness on her eyes. The road she’s standing on was technically the edge of a cliff, with a hundred and fifty foot vertical drop only a few steps away from her. I sure hope she’s not gonna do what I think she’s gonna do.
“Scoundrel.”
“Yeah?”
“I have a very bad feeling about this.”
“Don’t worry, she’ll be fine,” I replied. I do sure hope she’s fine. That deadpan stare of hers did not look healthy.
And then when I thought things couldn’t get worse, she pulled out something from her breast pocket. It was a letter. Not just any letter. It was the letter. The same letter that confirmed her fears that she was being cheated on.
“Scoundrel. Isn’t that the-”
“Fuck… fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” I mumbled. This is not going to end well.
“Dusty, are you okay!?” I asked, flying up to the branch where my battle buddy was hanging from. A sharp pain on my temple blunted my senses a bit and made me a little dizzy, but I shrugged it off. I’ve had worse.
“I’m alright! Go check on that psychotic bitch!” she answered coughing a bit and pointing her hoof at the base of the cliffs. That raspy tone of hers was not a good sign. She’s hurt, I can’t just leave her here.
“But Dusty-”
“That’s a direct order! Now go!” she barked, prompting me to follow her orders.
This was how we ended up after trying to save Cucklord, the melodramatic bitch we tried to save from falling to her death. We dived in and grabbed her only to receive a punch and a kick that sent us flying towards the trees. My head grazed the trunk of a large oak before I managed to regain control of my flight. Dusty on the other hand fell face flat into the branch of a tree, barely being able to grab onto it and not fall to the ground. Goddess, that must’ve hurt.
And here I am, being ordered to try and save Cucklord. Again. I secretly wanted that bitch to be dead though. I really can’t put up with the likes of her. I hate mopey ponies and I hate suicidally depressed ones even more. I just can’t put up with depressing shit in general.
And besides, she kicked Dusty. She just assaulted my friend. I’m not the type of pony to let things like that pass by easily.
“Cucklord, you fucking dumbass!” I shouted, overtaken by my rage. “You better be fucking dead! Because if you aren’t, I’ll be sure to give you one hell of a story to tell the ponies in Tartarus!”
I grunted in disappointment when I found no trace of her splattered body at the foot of the cliffs. That was, until I looked up.
Up there, at least about fifty or so feet in the sky, was a large Pegasus clad in a white full body plate armor that covered all but its wings. On the pony’s side was a large scabbard that held a bastard sword. I assumed this was the same Pegasus that was stalking us.
The same white flash that was the fastest thing I’ve ever seen. And it managed to move so quickly while wearing that! I really wouldn’t want to be on the bad side of this pony right now.
To top it all off, the damned thing was holding Cucklord by her tail. The Earth Pony mare was frozen still with shock. So much so that she didn’t even react when she saw me. That frightened expression would’ve brought a smile to my face if it wasn’t for the fact that she’s being held captive by an unidentified individual who just so happened to be heavily armed and heavily armored.
“Hey you!” I called, a wing ready to draw my sword in case the thing was hostile. “Over here!”
I froze and stood still as the thing turned its head down and looked at me with menacing glare. A cold chill ran down my spine as those deep green eyes stared right into my soul. It might have been cold tonight, but I could feel my sweat pouring out.
Still, I couldn’t just show signs of fear. If I did, I’ll just become this bastard’s little bitch. “Listen!” I called to her, raising my front hooves to prove that I meant no harm. “I just want that troublemaking shitbag you’re holding. I don’t mean any trouble!”
To my surprise, the thing didn’t immediately try to kill me. So I just watched there in stunned silence as she slowly flew down dropping Cucklord a few feet away from the ground before landing behind her. A long moment of silence followed while I thought of what to do next.
I then began beckoning Cucklord to slowly walk towards me. The mare got the message but she was too frightened to move. She just stood there like an retard, shivering with the fury of a thousand autists. I swear to Faust. I am gonna find a way to kill this bitch without anypony noticing once we’re done here.
Thankfully, the mysterious Pegasus was willing to cooperate with me, much to my surprise. The pegasus gave her a gentle push and waited a few seconds before delivering a borderline punch to her after she refused to move. This prompted her to dash straight towards me and hide on my rear.
“Hey, dumbass!” I whispered with the harshest tone I could muster. “Have you changed you mind or do you still want to die?”
The mare opened her mouth and tried to say something, but she couldn’t form the words. Must’ve been a result of a horrible mixture of shock from nearly dying and being saved by one terrifying son of a bitch. Either way, her stunned silence was kinda annoying.
I turned back to the mysterious Pegasus and continued our staring contest. Those eyes were unsettling, but what’s even more so was this feeling that I’ve seen those same eyes before. I don’t know why, but I think I knew who they belonged to. I just couldn’t exactly remember who that pony was. If only this asshole could just remove that damned helmet.
“Listen, whoever you are. I really don’t like how you’re stalking us,” I said, trying my best to not sound hostile. “But I appreciate the effort you showed in saving this asshole behind me.”
The Pegasus didn’t respond. It just continued staring at me with those emotionless green eyes. The silence was unnerving.
“Anyway. I’d appreciate it if you would just turn around and walk away,” I continued. “I promise I wouldn’t tell anypony I saw you. Just please, go away now before the others arrive.”
It still didn’t respond. The Pegasus just cocked its head and continued staring at me.
“Scoundrel!” I heard a pony shout from way behind me. I turned around and sighed internally when I saw Dusty running towards us. “Cucklord! You, son of a-” she paused when she saw the white Pegasus.
I turned back and checked on it to see if it was still there. Thankfully, it still was. “Dusty, I have this under control. It’s not hostile, it’s just-”
“Seize the fucker! Don’t let it get away!” She shouted, leaping into action and charging at the Pegasus.
“Dusty! No!”
She was confident, but it was probably gonna get her hurt, or even killed. How could she forget that thing managed to fly incredibly fast even when fully armored. No amount of skill could counter something that fast.
The white Pegasus moved so quickly that I wasn’t able to see the blow that sent Dusty flying towards me. I managed to catch her only to get thrown back from the force of the hit.
“Fuck!” Dusty cried, gasping for air and coughing a couple of times. I set her down and inspected the damaged. The bastard’s sword left a visible dent on her chest plate. If she wasn’t wearing it, she would’ve been killed by that blow.
I felt a jolt of rage run through my body as I stared at her lying on the ground. “Cucklord,” I said, turning my gaze onto the Earth Pony mare. “Get the Captain and the rest of the unit. I’ll be dealing with this asshole.”
She paused for a moment before nodding and running off. I turned and faced my enemy, staring at her in pure hatred as she stood there and glared back. I then stood at a defensive stance in front of Dusty, my eyes still locked at the Pegasus in front of me.
It was then when I noticed something odd about its weapon. The blade of the sword that the Pegasus was holding with her wing was not made out of steel nor iron. It was made out of solid dark hardwood. What kind of fairy-ass dogshit have I gotten myself into?
“Take another step forward, and you’re a dead pony!” I roared, drawing my sword with my mouth and spreading my unusually large wings in an attempt to make myself look bigger.
The Pegasus responded by sheathing her sword and spreading her own wings. It was as big as mine, except its proportional to her size so she looked a hell of a lot bigger. Was all this some kind of fucking game to her?
“Scoundrel!”
“Not now, Dusty. I’m-”
“Remember that trick we were practicing?”
A smile crept up my face. That trick was damn near impossible to pull off, but we have proven it was possible. I just hope we get lucky this time.
I slowly lowered my wings and walked backward to get closer to Dusty. I then felt her hand a throwing knife to one of my wings as she stood up and walked towards my side, her head held up high. Guess it’s time to show this bastard just how strong a well bonded pair was.
“Ready?”
“You bet I am!”
The Pegasus squinted and retracted its wings as it quickly drew its sword and stood at a guard stance. That’s right asshole. You can block this dagger, but you wouldn’t be ready for what’s next.
Without warning, I took a step forward and threw my dagger as hard as I can before charging forward. As expected, the white Pegasus managed to easily deflect it with that toy sword it’s holding. But as it was distracted trying to deflect it, Dusty threw a second dagger.
She wasn’t aiming for our opponent though, Dusty was aiming for the dagger which was deflected. The second dagger slammed into the first one, deflecting it and sending it back to its original target. The Pegasus may be fast, but it wasn’t prepared for it. Especially since the bastard was too focused on the pony charging towards him.
The dagger hit the Pegasus’s head removing the helmet it was wearing. But before I can grab onto the pony it flew into the air with one powerful burst of its wings. The gust that came from it managed to send me flying back to my original position beside Dusty. I didn’t even get a glimpse of the pony’s face.
“Damn it!” I shouted, slamming my hoof on the ground. “I almost had her.”
“Well at least we managed to pull the trick off this time,” she said with a labored tone, breathing heavily. “And we do have the asshole’s helmet now.”
“Yeah,” I replied, standing up. “That was some ninja-shit we just pulled off. Too bad the others weren’t here to see it”
I sighed in relief only to gasp in horror a few seconds later when Dusty suddenly lost her balance and fell down. I managed to catch her before she hit the ground.
“Are you alright?” I asked, gently setting her down on the ground.
“Nah,” she chuckled, removing her helmet and smiling at me. “I feel like I got hit by The Law!”
I chuckled in response and laid down on the ground beside her. She’s hurt but she’ll make it. “That was fun.”
“Sure was,” she replied, looking at me for a short while before turning back to the sky.
The sky back at Fort Applebuck was beautiful, but here it was dazzling. At this time in the wild there was no artificial light that desecrated the night sky’s majesty. Looking up, it felt as if I was staring at diamonds and jewels not stars. The relaxing sight almost made me forget that stinging pain in my temple. Almost.
“Psycho! Scoundrel! Where are you!?” I heard a familiar voice shout. It was the assistant drill instructor.
I stood up and dusted my hooves. “Looks like our rescue’s here. Can you get up?”
“If you can give me a hoof,” Dusty replied with a smile as she extended her hoof.
“Come on Sweet bean. You’ve been doing so well these past few weeks,” Fatherfucker said, placing a comforting hoof at Cucklord’s back while I watched from the corner of the tent. “You can go on like this and have a successful career. You don’t need that ungrateful bitch to keep holding you down. Let her go.”
“I… I can’t! I just can’t okay,” Cucklord replied. The suicidal mare was on the verge of tears. It was a disgusting sight.
We were taken back to the camp and patched after we were found. The White Pegasus’ helmet and Dusty’s chest plate were both taken away by the drill instructors for investigation. All was quite normal except for how the captain reacted when he saw the helmet. The long sudden pause he made when he saw it suggested he knew something we all didn’t. He said he knew nothing though. I was not convinced.
Anyway, I expected a reward or at least a bit of praise for having taken that much out of the stalking bastard, but it looked like I expected too much. All we got was a bit of scolding for only being able to take the pony’s helmet. To be honest, the senior drill instructor’s reaction could have been worse.
As for Cucklord. The Captain was disheartened by the mare’s act of attempted suicide, so he gave her a choice.
If she really didn’t want to continue on living, he allowed her to go on her own way with enough supplies to reach the nearest town in case she changed her mind. She would die, but she would die as a commoner, neither a guard nor a guard recruit. The other squad members protested against this, but the captain insisted.
He said her life was hers and hers alone. If she wanted to take it, then let her be. I honestly didn’t believe something as cold as that could come out of a pony as calm as him, but I’d like it if Cucklord would go with it. It’ll be one less headache to deal with.
She was given until sunrise to make up her mind. And that’s why I was in the tent with some of our fellow squad members. Dusty, who was supposed to be in the medical tent, was convinced she could make Cucklord change her mind. Everypony participated except me.
I did so personally, because I couldn’t put up with such a whiny mare like Cucklord. She thinks she had it bad because a mare cheated on her. She thinks life’s too hard and she couldn’t handle it anymore. Bitch, you know nothing about a hard life.
“Cuck,” Buster said in his rare serious tone. “Life is awful hard. Ay personally know that there. But trust me. It will get bettuurr.”
He was Cucklord’s close friend. There’s a really big chance he might sway her.
“No it won’t! You don’t understand. None of you do. Nopony understands!” The bitch shouted before crying.
That’s it. I can’t take this shit no more. I stood up and began walking towards the tent’s exit.
“Scoundrel! Where’d you think you’re going!?” Dusty shouted making me stop in front of the tent’s flap.
“Outside.”
“No. We need you here you, insensitive asshole,” Dusty replied with a stern voice “She needs you!”
“Oh no you don’t. After all, none of us knows anything about what a hard life is!” I exclaimed sarcastically.
“Well you could at least help! I’m trying to keep this squad together and all you’re doing is just standing there doing nothing!”
“She’s hopeless, Dusty,” I replied. “And you!” I pointed at Cucklord who stared at me with fear. “You’re the one who knows nothing!” I said before exiting. I really, really hate whinny pieces of shits.
“Cloud! Get back here this instant! That is a direct order!” Dusty screamed. “Don’t you turn your back on us!”
I didn’t respond. Not because I didn’t want to, but because Captain Forthright was standing outside the tent. He just stood there, staring at me in disappointment.
I opened my mouth to speak only to get shushed by him. “I don’t want anypony to know I’m here.” He whispered. “Initiate Cloud, go back there and do everything in your power to make her stay.”
I paused for a short while and tried to process things. And I think I get it now. This was all a test. The captain didn’t want to let Cucklord go, he wants us to make her stay. But I still couldn’t do it. I couldn’t put up with whiny ponies and depressing shit. Because I’ve had enough of that back then to last me a lifetime.
“Sir-”
“If you couldn’t do it for me or for her, do it for Dusty. She needs your help now more than ever.”
“But sir-”
“I know that you know what true suffering is. And unlike Buster, I know that you could use that knowledge to make her think about her future.”
He’s right about one thing. Buster couldn’t handle thinking about his life in the Badlands. His wife died out there. But me. I laugh every time I look back on my shit ridden past. Why? Because I still couldn’t fathom how life got better or because of how destiny had a weird sense of humor. It’s a lot better than being all depressed and mopey about it.
“You know if you do things right she’ll stop being a whiny bitch right? You’ve been through worse Initiate. More than you even know. You can handle this.”
“What makes you say that.”
The captain smiled. “I just know it.”
Fine. I’ll give it a shot. But only because I’m tired of Cucklord’s behavior. Right now, I’m the only pony who could straighten out that bitch. Especially since I have the right tools. So I’m willing to deal with her shit just this once.
“Alright sir,” I replied with a before turning around and reentering the tent.
“Well, well, well,” Dusty glared at me. “Did you change your mind? Or are you just-”
“Shut it,” I replied in a serious manner. “I’m not here to convince her. I’m just here to tell you all a story.”
“A story? Oh!Does it have knights rescuing princesses!?” Dusty replied sarcastically. “Why don’t you-”
She stopped speaking when I reached for my uniform’s pocket. All eyes were on me as I pulled out a small bundle of photos. The same ones that Sky Slasher sent me. They were all surprised and curious, especially Dusty, Canopy and Fatherfucker.
“It’s a story about a boy I once knew,” I said, sitting down in front of Cucklord. I shuffled through the pictures and chose four of my personal favorites.
I set down the first photo on the ground in front of me. It was of a ragged looking Pegasus colt sitting on a chair with a wide smile on his face. “This was what he looked like when I first met him at the orphanage he was at. He never felt the love of a family and the bond between parent and child. And to top it all off, the orphanage was run by an abusive son of a bitch who beat him on a daily basis. She basically made his life hell. And what does he do? Does he cry? No. He smiled, he smiled all the time. Because life won’t get better if all you do is cry.”
“That colt looks really familiar. I-”
“Fatherfucker. Unless you got a better story, I suggest you shut up. Anyway, where was I? Oh right,” I said, taking out the second picture and placing it beside the first one.
It was of the same colt who was now a teenager. In it he was being dragged by the local constabulary officer as he smiled and looked at the camera. “This was him during his teenage years. He ran away from the orphanage a few weeks after the first photo was taken. Of the ten foals he ran away with, only four made it to the nearby city. There they lived as street orphans doing what they can to survive. This picture was taken after he was caught trying to steal apples for his starving friend. That smile of his didn’t go away, not even after the officers nearly beat him to death that night. He later found out his starving friend died.”
“Cloud…” Dusty said. The hint of sympathy on her voice tells me she already knows.
“Shh. I’m telling a story,” I replied with a gentle smile before pulling out the third photo.
The colt had grown into a young adult in this one. It was picture of him during his time in army boot camp. He was smiling as he dug a trench with his fellow recruits. “This was him when he finally decided to straighten his life out and do something worthwhile. He joined the army because he wanted to be a part of something bigger than him. It was hard and the drill sergeant was even harder. But he didn’t let them bring him down. He continued to smile even after he got lost in this path and had to run away.”
Finally, I took out the last picture. It was not really a part of those that Sky took from the compartment. It was a separate one she sent me last week. The last one was my mugshot taken when I was caught a couple of months ago. The other ponies gasped while Cucklord’s eyes widen as I set it down.
“This was the last time I saw him. After he ran away he joined a group of smugglers and made a living for himself. He stayed positive through all his years of suffering because he knew that one day, things would get better for him. And it did when life sent him to those fine bastards. The time he spent with them was one he always looked back at with a smile even after he got caught. But his story didn’t end in prison. He never went there. He went here. In the guard. Where he met a batch of shitheads and dumbfucks whom he was proud to call his squad, his friends and his family! Life was an ass to him but he loved the son of a bitch because of possibility and hope. Because life may be bad, but it can always get better.”
The first thing Cucklord did after hearing my story was to stand up and give me a hug. I was initially shocked, but I returned the gesture. The others soon joined in and soon I was surrounded by ponies hugging me. It was hard to breath in that pile.
“I… I’m sorry, Scoundrel,” Cucklord said, pulling away and looking at the ground. “I didn’t know… I never thought other ponies had it that hard.”
“That’s alright, I forgive you. And it’s alright to be sad at times. It’s natural,” I replied. “But ending your life just because you think it’s hard is as normal as it is stupid.”
“Yeah….”
“You live in a sugarbowl, Cucklord. There are a lot of creatures out there who dream of a life in the peaceful side of Equestria. You should be more thankful for being able to live here,” I explained. “Look at me.”
She reluctantly agreed. “Okay.”
“Life will fuck with you. But don’t let yourself become her little bitch. You’ll satisfy her. Do you want to satisfy an asshole like her!?”
“No.”
“Are you gonna give up and kill yourself because of something as low and meaningless as a cheating bastard!?”
“No!”
“Will you give up on training despite of the stellar progress you’ve made these past few weeks!?”
“No!”
“Do you have what it takes to be a guardspony?!”
“NO!” she shouted before pausing. “No! No wait. I didn’t mean to-”
She was cut off by my boisterous laughter. Oh boy I played her good. The poor mare was blushing hard from embarrassment. Though this prompted Dusty to slap me in the back of my head.
“Say you’re sorry! Or else!”
“Ouch! Okay. Okay. I’m sorry!” I said, raising my hoofs in order to block her. “But seriously, Cucklord, don’t give up because of that mare. Your life, your potential, and most important of all, your smile, is worth more to other ponies than her worthless existence.”
“Thank you…” she said timidly, smiling and blushing as she did. For me, this was the one of the things that made life worth living. Aside from money, the pursuit of happiness and the dream of success, the one thing I really loved was making other ponies smile. Straightening her out may have brought a smile to my face, but that smile. That smile brought a tear to my eye.
“Can you promise me that you won’t ever give up? That you’ll forget about that bitch and go on with your life.”
“I can and I will!”
“Good. Very good,” I replied with a nod.
The three other ponies then walked up and gave Cucklord a hug while Dusty went to beside me. “Scoundrel, I-”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re gonna thank me again for my help.”
Dusty smiled. “How’d you know?”
“I just know it.”
As expected, Cucklord decided to stay and was with us the following morning when we began our trek. It was quite refreshing to see her in high spirits, humming a tune and looking at the world with a smile. It almost made the heavy weight of the equipment I was wearing bearable. Almost.
It was hard carrying your squad’s equipment especially when you’re walking up a long narrow mountain trail while wearing full armor. As usual, this was the DI’s idea. Still, I did my best as to not look like a wimp. I’m small but I could handle the weight.
“Hey, Scoundrel,” Canopy called, walking up to my side.
“What is it?” I grunted. Goddess I hate hiking. Walking upwards always made everything hard as shit.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said. You know. The one about the hard life up north.”
“What about it?”
“Well, I’ve decided to serve my first post in the Frozen North after graduation.”
I almost stopped and slapped the fucker. No sane pony in any branch of the military would want to be assigned to the Frozen North. That place had nothing but death and suffering for the poor bastards who got assigned there. Canopy was tough, but he wouldn’t be able to stomach the fucked up shit that happens in that Faust forsaken wasteland.
“Are you serious!”
“Yeah… Is something wrong?”
“Everything is wrong! Do you have a death wish!?”
“No.”
“Then why in the hell would you want to be sent to that place. That’s where ponies go to die a horrible death!”
Canopy just laughed. “If everypony sent there had that mindset, there would be no change. They’d just be looking at things with dread not with hope. I want to help them, Scoundrel. I want to help those poor ponies up there and do something worthwhile.”
This naïve bastard does not know what he is saying. And he’ll regret it one day. “Well you should consult your battle buddy first, not me. She deserves to know the-”
I wasn’t able to finish thanks to a stupid pebble. That little piece of shit made my hoof slip and I fell down, my luggage making the fall all the more painful. “Fuck!”
“Scoundrel! Are you okay?!” Cucklord asked, rushing towards my side.
Holy shit. Are y'all alraheet, Scoundrel?” Buster asked, helping Canopy put me back on my hooves before the drill instructors could notice. I’d be in a world of trouble if they did. Unfortunately, some my squad mates did.
“I’m okay!”
“Are you sure?” Dusty asked, unexpectedly popping up beside me. Her sudden appearance almost made me slip once more.
“I’m okay!”
“Scoundrel, let me carry that for you. I can handle it,” Dusty said, trying to unlatch my load. I shoved her off gently.
“No. I don’t need help. I’m okay”
“Bullshit!” Fatherfucker interrupted, taking the initiative and unlatching the equipment crate on my back before taking it. “You’re slowing us down. Let me help you”
“But what if the drill instructors see you,” Canopy asked
“They will nahwt like it if they see y'all a-helpin' him,” Buster reasoned.
“Well either that or they’ll praise me for helping speed up things,” Fatherfucker replied. “Either way I can take the punishment.”
“Thank you, Fatherfucker,” I thanked the mare.
“Don’t mention it, dude. I got your back.”
Our entire unit then suddenly stopped on its tracks when we heard a string of explosions. This was not good. If we get caught up in a firefight out here there will be chaos. Thankfully, the sound was from far away. Staring out from the edge of the mountain road, I could see lights and explosions flying out of what looked like an abandoned castle on one of the distant mountains.
We then heard the drill instructors order one of the Pegasus recruits to fly over there and find out what was going on. We all sat there patiently as he flew away, wondering what the fuck was going on over that castle.
It didn’t take long for him to return. He told us that there was some sort of energy field blocking the way. He said he tried to fly above it but as it turns out, the thing wasn’t a wall, it was a really, really large shield dome.
Things were getting weird. But just when I thought things couldn’t get weirder, shit immediately went south.
A massive energy surge came out of the castle in the form of a large pillar of light. We all had to shield our eyes from the blinding light. Then we felt the shockwave. Some of our ponies almost fell over the cliffs and into their deaths when it hit us. We thought it was over after the light faded away, but it didn’t. We were in for a load of shit that day.
“Earthquake!”
Somepony shouted as the earth began to shake. We stayed put though. We were not stupid civies who would run around like headless chickens at times like this. When you’re caught in an earthquake, you do not run. You stay where you are until the shaking stops.
“Uh, ma’am!” I heard one pony shout.
“What is it Scumbag!?”
“Ma’am, we’re supposed to stay put during earthquakes right, ma’am!?”
“Yes!”
“Ma’am, but what if there are house sized boulders thundering down at us, ma’am!?”
Oh shit. I looked up the mountain to confirm my worst fears. There was a rockslide and a lot of massive boulders rolling down towards us.
“Run! Run forward in an orderly fashion!” the captain shouted
And run we did in order to get out of the path of the rockslide. It was hard to run during an earthquake, but we had not choice. Every time a pony fell, another was more than willing to help. We somehow managed to stay together and work as a team even during a time like this.
In the end we actually succeeded in evading the rockslide without losing a single pony. We stopped in front of a thick forest in a rather flat part of the mountain before deciding to run through it after seeing another set of rocks rolling down on our current position. Nature really didn’t want to give us a break doesn’t it.
“Somepony clear a path!”
“One clear path coming right up!” Canopy replied running towards the front of the unit with the rest of the Unicorn initiates. Together they fired a large beam of concentrated magical energy that carved a wide path through the thick forest. It was wide enough for the unit to pass through.
Shit was really going bad today. But sadly, it was about to get even worse for me.
While running I saw a branch as thick as a tankard flying straight towards Dusty. I acted on instinct and pushed her away. The thing slammed on my side, fracturing my unprotected wing. The only part of the body that the guard armor didn’t cover.
“Cloud!”
“I’m alright! Keep going,” I shouted, pulling myself up. My fracture really didn’t hurt that much thanks to all the adrenaline pumping through my body. Shit was just going too fast.
Then a fissure suddenly sprouted from the ground. It separated me, Cucklord, and for some fucking reason, the assistant drill instructor from the rest of the unit.
“Just go, go!” I watched as the assistant drill instructor wave off the ponies looking from the other side. “We’ll find another way around!”
None of us could cross the gap that just formed. We were stuck. I looked towards the cliff at the distance. The rocks were racing straight towards us. We didn’t have long. If we stay here we’ll get buried alive.
“Sir, what do we do, sir!?” I asked the drill instructor.
“To the forest! Now!” he ordered pointing at the treeline. “It’s our only chance!”
We ran towards it and hid behind one large oak tree just in the nick of time. We placed our backs against the barrier as it protected us from the incoming torrent of rocks and boulders coming down from the mountain as the earthquake continued. I felt Cucklord grab onto me hard. This was it. My luck might’ve actually ran out this time.
Then suddenly, it all stopped. The earthquake and the rockslide eventually subsided. I knelt on the ground. All my limbs were shaky as hell and I felt like I would vomit. This was the closet I’ve been to fucking dying.
“Praise Celestia!” The assistant drill instructor shouted before hugging and kissing the tree that just saved our lives.
“Scoundrel,” Cucklord said.
“Yeah?”
“I’m scared.”
I grabbed the pony by the hoof and gave her a tight hug. I really needed to hug something right now. “It’s okay. I’m scared as well. It’s over now though. We’re good. We’re good,” I said, comforting her.
“Are you two lovebirds done!?” The assistant drill instructor asked us after he carved our names on the oak tree with a combat knife. I really didn’t know why he did that, but I guess it’s his way of celebrating survival. “We still have to find the rest of the unit.”
“Right!” I said, breaking away from the hug. “Sir, lead the way, sir!”
And so we continue our trek up the mountain. After a short while, a question came into mind. “Sir, does the unit have a rally point in case of an emergency like this, sir?”
“Yeah,” he answered, looking at his map. “There’s a Royal Guard listening post near the peak of this mountain. Me and Sergeant Hard Knock decided to meet up there in case the group somehow got separated.”
That was a relief. The trek up may be a long and tiring one, but at least they had a plan. It was a lot better than nothing at all.
More and more questions began popping up in my mind while we made our slow ascent up the mountain. They were unpleasant thoughts that made me feel uneasy. What in the hell was going on in that castle? What was that light? Did the others make it to the top? Are they all okay? Is Dusty safe?
I was so preoccupied with thinking that I barely noticed the assistant drill instructor’s signal to stop. Me and Cucklord stopped on our tracks and watched as the instructor scanned the surroundings.
He abruptly stopped and sighed. He then turned to us looking a bit frightened. “Timberwolves,” he whispered.
Oh come on, give us a fucking break. If I could fly right now I would happily abandon these two ponies for a chance to save my ass. But sadly it looked like I have to run. I have to run fast.
“Don’t move until I say so,” he ordered us.
“S-s-sir, w-where is it, sir?” Cucklord asked.
“Shh!” he shushed her. He briefly turned to where he spotted them before turning back to us and pointing a hoof at the higher ground. “Run up the slope when I give the signal. And don’t you ever think about stopping.”
“Sir, how many, sir?” I asked.
“There are about two dozen of them down there and they’re slowly moving up. If we stay here and fight we’ll be overwhelmed.”
Holy shit. That’s more than twenty four large wooden killing machines. Not even our entire unit can handle that many. We are fucked aren’t we.
The instructor paused while he kept an eye on their movement. He must have a really sharp vision if he could see them walking up. Timberwolves are notorious for their stealthy movements. “Now,” He signaled.
We immediately made a break for it and ran up the mountain as fast as we can. Behind us I could hear several harrowing roars and howls followed by the sound of dozens of heavy footsteps. It did nothing but make us run even faster.
“They’re gaining on us!” The assistant drill instructor shouted while looking back.
This was useless. It wouldn’t take long before these bastards catch up to us. When they do, the only thing that’ll be left of us for the others to identify will be a few shredded armor parts and a lot of blood. I had to do something.
“Scoundrel! What the hell are you doing!?” I heard the drill instructor shout while I stopped and ran back.
“I’m going to distract them. Don’t worry, I’ll find another way around!”
“Don’t be a hero you, dumbass! You’ll get yourself killed.”
“Hey, it’s a lot better than all of us getting killed!”
I honestly had no idea why I was doing this. I was a selfish and cowardly and it makes no sense that I’m suddenly so selfless. So why in the hell was I going on a suicidal charge?
Then I realized something. Those two ponies running up had families and loved ones. Me? I only have myself. They had something to lose, I have nothing. They’ll all be better off without me. It’s better this way.
Sweet Faust! Why am I being all depressing all of the sudden? It’s because I know I’m not gonna make it out of here isn’t it? But hey, at least I’ll die doing something worthwhile. And besides, I’ll be dead even if I didn’t do this. Somepony had make the sacrifice.
“Come at me you bastards!” I shouted as I stood on top of a boulder raising my sword. In front of me was the main bulk of the Timberwolves. Their menacing features were matched only by the frightening glow of their eyes. “Show me what you got!”
A large Timberwolf suddenly dashed towards me with its claws outstretched. I swung my sword hard down it its head and shattered it. I manage to smile in triumph before my short lived victory was ended by another Timberwolf.
It was already too late when I saw the wooden beast pounce on my left side. I could move away, but the big claw will still hit me. Jumping backwards, I managed to saw myself in exchange for a hit on my head. The Timberwolf’s claw ripped my helmet off.
Rolling backwards, I moved to a nearby tree and turned my back into it to make sure none of these assholes would take me from behind. Then I felt a sharp stinging pain coming from the side of my head that got hit. I ran a hoof through it to find out just how bad it way. It didn’t puncture my skull, but there was a deep slash that extended from my left temple to my lower cheek. To make matters worse, the wooden splinters inside it was making the injury all the more painful.
The sight of all that blood was making my head a bit light.
Then things went from bad to worse. At the corner of my eye I saw the alpha moving in from behind the others. It was twice as large as the rest and its wooden frame was completely black. A cold shiver ran down my spine as the other Timberwolves stepped back to make way for the alpha.
A one on one duel huh. The intelligence of some magical creatures can be very impressive sometimes. I may actually make it out of here alive.
Finally, I was face to face with the big son of a bitch. Fortunately, I was in my preferred environment of combat which was anyplace that wasn’t a wide open area. Because here I can actually use my environment to fight smart.
The alpha let out one loud ear shattering roar before charging. This was my chance, my split second chance. I side stepped at the right time and delivered a quick slash to one of its paws as it passed me. This sent the large beast tumbling down and hitting the trunk of the nearby tree face first.
This wasn’t enough though, and soon the thing was up and ready to go again. We circled one another before it finally made its move. I was unlucky this time though. The alpha manage to snag me with one of its sharp claws. It hit my chest and I was thrown back several feet and rolled on the ground a few times.
I quickly checked to see if my guts had been spilled out only to find out that my chest plate survived the hit and protected me. From the size and depth of those slash marks, I would’ve been torn apart if I wasn’t wearing them.
I then turned to the alpha who was already midair after a jump. My eyes widened and my heart raced when I stared down its jaw. This was it. I could feel my life flashing before my eyes. It was a roller coaster of emotions but what got me the most was my unit. One by one their faces flashed in my memory.
These ponies had a special place in my heart. They were essentially my family. But one stood above them all. Dusty Dusks. I was happy that I managed to meet somepony as special as her before I die. I’m going to miss her the most when I sail through the quiet waters of the abyss.
Then I finally realized it. I didn’t do this selfless act because I had no choice. I did this because of her. Because I wanted to be somepony she could be proud to call her battle buddy. Somepony she would be proud to call her friend and her equal.
No. I can’t die. I can’t just give up now. I need to survive. I need to live!
“Waaaagghhhhh!” I roared as I stood up and raised my sword. I’m not going down quietly.
Then a blinding white flash came down from the sky and flew through the alpha, slicing it in half. I covered my face and covered my eyes as the shattered remains of the alpha flew in all directions.
When I opened my eyes I saw it. Or should I say her. The tall Pegasus clad in white armor was standing in front me, facing the pack of Timberwolves in front of us. After a long pause, she raised her wing and pointed her wooden sword at them. This was the same Pegasus from the night before. The same one whose been stalking us. “What the fuck,” I muttered, I was beyond confused at this point.
I can actually see her head now since she was no longer wearing her helmet. Her long silky gray mane flew freely as the wind blew into her. Then she turned her head to face me. Then it hit me. I was right. I have seen those green eyes before. Those were the eyes of a backstabbing traitor.
“Wispy!?” I asked as I stared at her in confusion. What the fuck was Sky Slasher a.k.a. Wispy doing here?
“Yeah?”
“What the fuck! Why are you here? Why’re you stalking us? What’s with the weird armor? Where the fuck is my diary and jacket?”
“Whoa! Slow down there, Clippy,” she replied with a smile. “Let me take care of our friends first.”
I honestly wanted to punch her right now for all the trouble we had because for her yesterday. But I was just too relieved that I didn’t die so I just nodded.
She then gripped her sword with her teeth and proceeded to quickly dispatch the Timberwolves surrounding us. It was an amazing display of talent. She moved like a flash flying through wolf after wolf tearing them apart with ease. Those who didn’t got hit were already running away with their tails tucked between their legs. Overall, I was surprised at how powerful this mare actually was. Was this really the same wimpy mare that I’ve come to know during my time smuggling?
“Hey Clippy, you still there?” Sky asked, snapping me out of my long pause.
“Y-yeah!” I answered.
“Now I know you have a lot of questions, but…” she slowly approached me. I immediately began stepping back out of fear. “It’s okay. I won’t kill you or anything, I promise. Now hold still.”
She took out a white velvet handkerchief and placed it on the left side of my face. Just right above my injury. “W-what?”
“I don’t have any bandages with me so this’ll have to do for now. Please hold it to stop the bleeding,” she said. I did as I was told and held the piece of cloth with a wing. “Now, your questions?”
“Okay, first of all, why are you here? I mean, why did you have to stalk us like that? Hell, you even fucking attacked us!”
“For the record, your friend was the one who attacked first,” she clarified. And yes, she’s actually right about that. “I was following you because I wanted to see how you were doing without interrupting your routine. Anyway, how’re you doing?”
“I’m fine.”
“Based on how you fought back there, I guess you’re right,” She replied with a cheerful smile. “Have you made any friends?”
“As a matter of fact I did. I’ve made a lot of friends actually.”
“Have you made any special friends?” she asked with a suggestive smile.
“I… well… There was this one mare,” I answered. Fuck. Why was I even telling her this? “Hey. I’m the one asking questions here!”
“Was is that Thestral mare you were with last night?” she ignored my question and continued with hers. “The way you stared at her while she sung was so cute!”
Wait, what! She was watching us that time. “Yeah…” I answered. I then felt the all too familiar sensation of heat rising up my cheeks. Then I remembered how she attacked Dusty. “If you ever try to hurt her again, I will-”
“Easy there, Clippy. I really meant no harm,” she explained. “If I did, she would’ve been ripped apart like those Timberwolves. Besides, I know the strong link between you two and I respect it. I’m actually surprised at how you two pulled off that cool knife trick together. It’s been a long time since I actually got hit by something. The bond you share with her is special, Clippy.”
“I guess it is,” I replied coyly.
“Somepony has a crush!” The annoying bitch sung.
“Shut up. I don’t have a-”
“I’m just teasing you, Clippy. There’s no need to be embarrassed,” she giggled. I really want to bash her face in right now, but after seeing how she fought I’ll guess it’ll go the other way around if I did. “I’m just so glad to see you adjusting so well with your new life.”
“What’s with the armor you’re wearing?” I asked. “You’re a guard right? But I’ve never seen a guard wear one of those.”
Her smiled disappeared and was replaced with a serious frown. “Sorry. I can’t tell you where this is from,” she answered in a forbidding tone as she glared at me, her green eyes piercing my fragile soul.
“Ok,” I whimpered. “Can you at least tell me why you’re using a wooden sword?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
“Oh this,” she said in a warm tone as she took her sword. She stared into its dark hardwood blade for a short while before turning to me. “This is not just a sword. It’s a covenant I made to never kill another pony.”
“You… killed?”
“I used to. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well then I pity those poor sons of bitches,” I exclaimed, looking at the remains of the destroyed Timberwolves. “Against a pony like you, they didn’t have a chance. Where’d you learn to fight like that? How'd you get that strong?”
“Training,” she answered.
Well that must've been one hell of a training then. “Okay. Do you know anything about the fight in the nearby castle?”
“That castle? The abandoned one that sits in a nearby mountain?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know shit about it, but I have heard rumors of cult activity somewhere in the Foal Mountains.”
Cult activity? Then that shit back there must’ve meant those cultists were in a fight. But with who?
“Alright, I need to go now.”
“Hey wait!” I said, making her stop right before she flew away. “My diary and my jacket. Where are they?”
“They’re in my house and don’t worry, I’ve been taking good care of them. I actually haven’t read it in a while. Work’s been stinging my ass,” she answered. It looks like she hadn’t reached that part of my diary. That was a relief.
She then took out something from under her breastplate and handed the to me. It was a canteen of water and a map of the Foal Mountain. “These’ll help you find your way to the peak. Take care now.”
I watched as she flew away, her silhouette suddenly becoming smaller and smaller until it was finally out of view. What a weird mare.
After a long and tiring hike, the listening post near the mountain peak finally came to view. The steel radio tower glowed brightly as the ray of the setting sun met its smooth surface. I drank the last ounce of water from the canteen before tossing it aside and walking towards my destination.
When I entered the walled station, I was immediately met by the frightened eyes of my fellow recruits that looked like they’ve just seen a ghost. They stepped aside and out of my path as I continued walking until I finally found who I was looking for.
Sitting at one of the benches was a crying mare. Around her was the rest of her squadron who were busy comforting her. I’ve known this mare for a while now and this was the first time I’ve ever seen her cry. It was a depressing sight and I hated it. I had to change that. I had to make her smile.
“Dusty!” I called her. She stopped crying and raised her head to face me. Just looking at those bloodshot eyes of hers she got from crying nonstop broke my heart.
I watched silently as Dusty stood up and began walking towards me. She gradually sped up until she was running. “Cloud!” she shouted with joy before diving in for a hug. I dropped the kerchief that I was holding against my head when she grabbed onto me so I could hug her as well. Our other squad members immediately followed suit.
“I thought I’d never see you again!” Dusty whispered with a smiled as tears of joy flowing down her eyes.
“Well I’m here now, ma’am!”
In the heat of the moment I noticed the senior drill instructor staring at us from one of the guard towers. Normally, I would’ve straightened myself out in order to avoid punishment but I just waved at her instead. I could’ve sworn I saw her smile just before she rolled her eyes and turned around.
“Oh my Luna! You’re hurt!” Dusty said in a very worried tone when she saw my giant face scar. She hovered a hoof at it making me flinch. Then she noticed the claw marks on my chest plate. “Are you-”
“I’m fine Dusty,” I reassured her. The bleeding ma have stopped but my head was feeling a bit light. “Tis but a scratch.”
“You really are one hell of a pony aren’t you, Initiate Cloud,” Captain Forthright said as he and assistant drill instructor Corporal First Base approached us. My squad quickly broke the hug and lined up with me at the center.
The Pegasus officer and the Earth pony drill instructor then stopped in front of me. “The corporal told me how you ran towards the Timberwolves to buy them some time. That single act of valor killed the old you and gave birth to a new Cloud Clipper. I’m proud to say that you’re no longer a criminal, initiate. You are now a guard.”
“Can it wait until the graduation ceremony next week, sir?” I joked. “I think by then I’ll be ready to call myself that.”
“It could, initiate,” the assistant drill instructor answered with a nod. I nodded back and smiled.
The captain picked up the bloodied kerchief Sky handed me. It was only then when I noticed it actually had her cutie mark stitched on it. “So it really was her.”
“It was, sir. Do you know her?”
“I did when I was still in the Solar Guard,” he answered. “That was a long time ago though.”
This brief exchange of words confused the ponies around us and I’m sure there’ll be a lot of questions later. But right now we were busy celebrating our unit’s success. Because not one initiate died during the disaster that happened.
Tomorrow we’ll be marching back towards Fort Applebuck and next week we will be graduating. And that concludes the end of my new beginning and the start of my new journey in the Harmony Guard, the sworn protectors of Equestria and its ponies.
