A young pegasus colt woke suddenly in his cloud bed. Spiky hair arranged in a full rainbow spectrum lay twisted on his head in several directions, defeated by his pillow over the night’s course. He stretched his pale blue limbs, eventually bringing them to his green eyes to rub the sleepiness away. The colt’s raspy voice reverberated in his throat as he grunted to fight the sleep away. His pillow seemed to beckon him to seek comfort in its loving embrace. Shaking his head violently, the colt jumped out of bed and landed in front of his mirror. Pointing at his reflection, he spoke aggressively to himself.
“No! Today is too important! These days are gonna happen only happen once a month; twice if I’m lucky. Today it starts; this is going to be the best. Day. Ever!”
Rushing over to the restroom, the colt went about his morning rituals, albeit rushed due to the day’s circumstances. Emerging from the restroom with a styled spiked mane, the colt galloped out into the hallway, pausing in front of the door at the very end. Creaking the door open slowly, he tip-hoofed toward the bed, careful not to wake its inhabitants… yet.
A large grin threatened to completely overtake his face as he tried to contain his excitement. The colt fluttered his tiny wings, raising himself vertically to view the two inhabitants. A loud, masculine snoring emanated from the single lump in the bed. Wait a minute?! One lump?! Where is she? The colt’s face’s immediately dropped into a panicked frown.
Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! What if she forgot?! What if she left already? Didn’t she know how important today was? Tears began to well up in his eyes, despite his mental protests. Don’t cry, don’t cry! Only weak ponies cry, and you’ll be strong just like she is. The tears began to spill over despite the colt’s best efforts. His throat contracted as he tried his best to restrain a sob. DON’T CRY DON’T CRY DON’T CRY!
*CRASH*
The sound of shattering porcelain interrupted the colt’s train of thoughts. Grinning again, he wiped the tears off of his face and landed on the ground, tip-hoofing out of the room. He then proceeded to trot towards the kitchen, ready to begin his best day ever.
“Aw horseapples, that was my favorite mug! I guess I’ll have to ask Pinkie for another one,” Rainbow Dash sighed, sweeping up the shattered debris. She looked at a clock. Eight huh? Looks like I won’t be having my coffee this morning. Dumping the remains into the trashcan, she turned around and almost tripped over a very excited little colt. Rainbow Dash smiled; he was giving her the most excited, happy look she had ever seen.
“Mornin’, Rainbow Blitz. Watcha’ doing up so early?”
Rainbow Blitz gave her a quizzical look.
“What do you mean what am I doing? What are you doing? You and Dad like to sleep in.”
Rainbow Dash yawned and reached up with her hoof to rub the crust off her eyes.
“I do love my sleep Blitzy, but I love my friends more. I’ve gotta head all the way to Ponyville today. Twilight’s book club starts at ten and the flight takes me about an hour if I push myself.”
Rainbow Dash’s attention fell completely on her son. The colt’s face had contorted into a wicked scowl, and tears were falling freely onto the floor.
“What’s wrong, Blitzy? Can’t Mommy be an egghead from time to time?”
As Rainbow Dash reached towards her son’s face to wipe the tears away, Blitz quickly backed away from her reach. He pointed an accusing hoof toward his mother and spoke in broken sobs.
“You… you f-forgot, didn’t you?! J-just like how you f-forget my favorite c-color, my favorite i-ice cream, my-“
“I’d never forget my little future Wonderbolt’s first flight lesson.”
Rainbow Blitz stopped, looking up at his mother with teary, hopeful eyes. He let Dash wipe the tears off his cheeks this time and even allowed her to pick him up and cradle him, despite how ‘uncool’ he would normally think it was. Dash spoke to him in a tone she never would have thought she was capable of prior to becoming a mother. It was too similar to how Fluttershy spoke.
“Shhhh, it’s okay, Blitzy. I may forget some things a mommy shouldn’t forget, but I’d never forget about your first flight lesson.”
Rainbow Blitz was not entirely convinced. Looking up, he managed to control his sobbing and speak with his raspy little voice.
“Then why are you going to Ponyville today?”
“Oh, I’m not giving you your first flight lesson. Daddy is!”
Rainbow Blitz’s jaw dropped, his facial features revealing pure shock as he broke free from Rainbow Dash and hovered in midair.
“Dad?! DAD?! What the heck is Dad gonna teach me? How to eat an entire pizza in fifteen minutes? How to come up with jokes that won’t even make his five-year-old son laugh? How to do something silly on a daily basis, like when he put paper in the oven and almost set the entire kitchen on fire? Why can’t you teach me? Mom, you’re the greatest flier in Equestria! The only one to do the Sonic Rainboom! If anypony should be teaching me it should be you!”
“RAINBOW BLITZ, THAT IS YOUR FATHER YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!”
Blitz fell to the ground, stunned by his mother’s outburst.
“He may be a goofball, but he is still your father and one of the greatest fliers in Equestria. They don’t just let anypony into the Wonderbolts, and he’s been in a lot longer than I have,” Rainbow Dash responded, her glare piercing even more than her voice.
Rainbow Blitz shrunk further down, trying to hide into the cloud despite his pegasus magic keeping him in plain sight.
“I-I didn’t mean it like that, Mom! I know Dad’s a great flier, and I love him, but he’s not as serious about flying as you! He’d probably cut the lesson short if it meant getting to the bakery sooner,” Blitz said, finishing his rebuttal with a sigh.
Rainbow Dash chuckled; her son spoke the truth. Patting Blitz on the head, she spoke more casually.
“Heh, you’re probably right about that one, Blitzy. But I really think you’ll learn better from your father than me. You might be surprised to find out he knows more of the technical aspects of flying than I do.”
“Really?” Blitz asked, his voice carrying his hope… or was that excitement Rainbow Dash detected?
Rainbow Dash decided to go along with her argument’s momentum while she still had a chance of convincing her son.
“You bet! He even taught me a bunch of stuff I didn’t know! Trust me Blitzy, Daddy will teach you so much you’ll be beggin’ for more lessons.”
“Well… I mean if he taught you some stuff…” Rainbow Blitz muttered, shuffling a hoof on the ground in attempted modesty. Rainbow Dash smiled; he was on the verge of compliance and she knew exactly what she needed to say to finalize her son’s decision.
“And I’ll even let you wake him up this morning so that you two can get an early start.”
“Really?!” Blitz asked. His powerful smile faded into uncertainty. “But what if we woke him up with our yelling?”
“If your father could sleep through the first thirty minutes of my contractions, he definitely slept through our little argument,” Dash said. A disgruntled frown formed on her face as she relived the memory.
“What’s contractions?” Blitz asked.
“Oh! Uh, I’ll tell you when you’re older,” Rainbow Dash fumbled.
“But Moooooom-“
“If you stop asking about it you can have the last piece of pie in the fridge,” Dash said, panic in her voice. Blitz covered his muzzle with his front hooves and nodded. Clearing her throat, Rainbow Dash continued. “Besides, your father has to have oatmeal for breakfast from now on. Doctor’s orders, and I am not letting any husband of mine retire from the Wonderbolts because of weight problems. Now give Mommy a kiss goodbye.”
Rainbow Blitz obliged, giving his mother a peck on the cheek and receiving several from her. She left nothing but a streak of rainbow in her wake, leaving Blitz staring in awe at her speed. Closing the door, Rainbow Blitz turned around with an evil grin on his face. He had a father to wake up.
Rainbow Blitz crept down the hallway, his back pressed to the wall to avoid being spotted by his unconscious prey. A scraping sound emitted from the wall as his feathers brushed against it, taking small bits of cloud with it. Dad can fix it later.
Details didn’t bother Blitz. If he wanted to pretend that his victim to be was merely distracted and couldn’t use any of his natural senses, then by Celestia he would. Tapping his chin with his forehoof, Rainbow Blitz pondered; something felt missing.
Blitz’s face lit up as an idea struck home. He decided that stalking and pouncing just wouldn’t cut it if he wanted to entertain himself properly. His legacy needed to be narrated. Daring Doo’s stories were narrated, so why shouldn’t his be?
“Daring Blitz begins his journey to awaken the growling beast. Trekking through the dark storm clouds, Blitz skillfully avoids the horrible dangers of the weather. Will he- Sweet Celestia, is that lightning?!”
Blitz jumped into the air to avoid the imaginary lightning, landing on the soft cloud floor with a tumble.
“That was a close one.”
He could hear the deep sound of snoring coming from down the hallway. His mischievous grin returning, Blitz continued his journey of stealth.
“Daring Blitz, avoiding the deadly holds of the lightning gods themselves, must now prepare himself as he closes the distance between him and the sleeping beast. To do so requires only the utmost courage, bravery, good looks, and steal- Oh Luna, a hailstorm!”
Rainbow Blitz weaved down the remainder of the hallway, avoiding imaginary hailstones the size of buildings and crushing the ones that got in his way with his vicious buck. Panting, Blitz opened the door slowly, creating a slight creaking sound that became lost under the volume from his father’s snoring. Forgetting his game for a moment, Blitz thought about how to wake up his father: the right way. Cold water? No, then Mom would come home to wet sheets. The whipped cream and feather trick? Na, he’d like that. Need something with no stains or sugar, but what?
Rainbow Blitz tapped his forehead repeatedly with his front hoof.
Come on brain! I don’t get to do this often; don’t fail me now! ….Maybe I’m thinking about this all wrong! Maybe I don’t need to prank him. What if…
Blitz cackled quietly as an evil smirk spread over his face.
“Daring Blitz prepares to wake the vicious beast!”
Rainbow Blitz closed the distance between himself and the bed, leaping at the perfect time.
Soarin’ hadn’t slept as well or deep in ages. His strict regime with the Wonderbolts meant being shaken awake by his wife at six a.m. every morning after sleeping through his alarm clock. How did he ever manage to wake up before her?
The soft, cotton sheets fell up and down in a steady, relaxed rhythm that matched the loud snoring escaping Soarin’s throat. Fantasies of bright sunny days and exquisite banquets haunted his dreams. He could almost taste everything. The chocolate éclairs, their doughy material flaking away with each bite and melting perfectly with the chocolate icing on top, only to be accented by the creamy custard filling. The cheesecake, so perfectly tart, creating a sharp contrast to its sweet, creamy nature, allowing two very different flavors to battle for control of the dominant flavor, finally to coexist perfectly in the end once the consumer realized neither one could truly have dominance. Or the lemon meringue pie. So simple. So sweet, but not too sweet. The creaminess and fruitful taste completely satisfying as they slid down into his belly to give him the complete sensation of…. extreme pain?
Rainbow Blitz landed squarely on his father’s belly. Soarin’ woke up immediately with an audible ‘Oof!’, that unfortunately for him, went unheard of by his son. Blitz began to jump up and down, using his father’s gut as an organic trampoline.
“Wake. Up. Dad. Today’s. The Day.” Blitz cheerfully yelled, each phrase in rhythm with his malicious bouncing. “Wake. Up. Wake. Up.”
Rainbow Blitz landed on his own belly with a smile. Soarin’ groaned; he hadn’t expected the start to his day off to be so painful. Sensing his father’s discomfort, Blitz crawled up to Soarin’s face and planted a kiss on his cheek before wrapping his tiny, blue forelegs around his neck. He dismissed any thoughts on how ‘uncool’ he looked right now. It’s not like anypony can see me right now, and Dad likes lovey dovey stuff. You’re cool Blitz, you’re cool. Just as long as he doesn’t embarrass you in public… again…
Rainbow Blitz felt his eye twitch as he flashbacked to his first day of school. As if the overbearing amount of hugs and kisses from Soarin’ weren’t embarrassing enough, Rainbow Dash had to drag her weeping husband away from a classroom full of laughing children because he didn’t “want to see his little Blitzy grow up too fast”.
Soarin’ smiled, his pain temporarily forgotten. He could never stay mad at his precious little son, no matter how agonizing his mischievous side was. Hugging Rainbow Blitz back, Soarin’ spoke in a playful tone.
“Somepony must be super excited for his very first flight lesson from a Wonderbolt!”
Rainbow Blitz immediately snapped out of his flashback trance and jumped down to the floor.
“Let’s go let’s go let’s go let’s go! Come on Dad, hurry up!”
Soarin’ chuckled. Blitz was always in a rush to get somewhere. Just like his mother. I wonder how long it’ll take him to make the Wonderbolts. Or do the Sonic Rainboom. Dear Celestia, I wish he’d grow up slower. It seems like only yesterday I was bringing him and Dashie back from the hospital. So many diapers, and the crying…
Rainbow Blitz’s frown interrupted Soarin’s train of thought. Smiling sheepishly, Soarin’ tried to appease his son’s growing temper.
“I know you’re excited kiddo, but we gotta eat some breakfast first. A well-fed Wonderbolt is a successful Wonderbolt. Can’t have you runnin’ on empty, can we?” He finished with a wink.
“Fiiiiine,” Blitz sighed. Without further word, he zipped out of his parent’s room. Soarin’ rolled out of bed and followed suit, pausing briefly to look at the little hoof-shaped bruises adorning his gut area. That’s what I get for asking her to let me sleep in…
Soarin’ pulled out the last slice of apple pie in the fridge, placing it carefully on the kitchen table. The crust flaked off but still retained a delicate texture. The filling was soft, but firm enough to prevent spilling out of it’s flaky casing. It was the perfect slice. Soarin’ closed his eyes and prepared to meet the sweet touch of apple pie on his tongue, only to slam into the wooden table instead.
“Owww…” He moaned, rubbing his snout. Great, another bruise…
Looking up, he saw Rainbow Blitz fluttering in midair, holding the plate defensively as he shot his father a venomous glare.
“Rainbow Blitz, give Daddy his breakfast back, right now!” Soarin’ commanded, his tone very serious due to the recent depravation to his sweet tooth.
Blitz scowled. “No way Dad! You can’t have sweets for breakfast anymore. Doctor’s orders, remember?”
Soarin’s contorted his face into the saddest, most pathetic look he could give.
“Pleeeeease Blitzy? Daddy just wants a tiny slice of apple pie, that’s all.”
“No, now stop asking or I’ll tell Mom that you tried to cheat your diet,” Rainbow Blitz said flatly.
Soarin’ gasped, his eyes wide with fear. “You wouldn’t dare!”
“Try me. Besides,” Blitz continued. “She said I could have the last piece if I stopped asking what…” He paused, trying to pronounce the word correctly. “Con-track-shuns were.”
“Oh…” Soarin’ croaked, flinching as he guessed how his son learned that word.
Rainbow Blitz raised an eyebrow and gave his father a cocky grin as he placed the pie slice on the table and slid it towards him.
“That is, unless you’d like to tell me.”
Soarin’ immediately pushed the plate back.
“Just take the pie.”
Rainbow Dash sat with her five best friends, laughing and talking together for the first time in weeks. They used the book club as an excuse to pardon themselves from their busy lives and families, although they did actually discuss the new Daring Doo book initially. Dash went about telling her friends the morning’s events, only to be interrupted by Applejack.
“Yeh mean ta tell me you left Soarin’ alone with a slice o’ pie in the house?” She chuckled, shaking her head. “So much for his diet.”
Rainbow Dash gave Applejack an evil grin.
“Oh, I don’t think his diet will be broken anytime soon. Rainbow Blitz will make sure of that, trust me.”
“He’s only five, Rainbow,” Twilight piped up. “As feisty as the little tyke is, Soarin’ is still the grown up in charge, no matter how goofy he is. I’m afraid he’s already taken care of that pie slice, and more knowing his eating habits.”
“Nu uh, Twilight,” Pinkie Pie objected, her face showing genuine concern. “If anything I’d be worried about Soarin’, not his diet or the pie. I’ve heard stories from my little Surprise after Rainbow Blitz takes her on his pranking adventures. That kid can be scary.” Pinkie shuddered.
“Hey, Surprise is not that innocent herself,” Rainbow said, defending her son.
“I didn’t say she was,” Pinkie countered. “But honestly, who comes up with the idea of planting bread crumbs on the Summer Sun Festival’s location the night before, and then scaring the birds that flocked there with a brass horn?!”
All six mares flinched as they remembered that day. Bird poop fell from the sky like rain, drenching everypony including Princess Celestia herself with urea and fecal material. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie apologized for hours, despite the princess assuring them that she actually appreciated the prank, being quite mischievous herself.
“I am ever so grateful my child does not partake in such crude humor,” Rarity said in her indigent tone.
“Yeh,” Applejack responded, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “She only fights with my young ‘un whenever they meet and made Fluttershy’s cry constantly.”
“For the record, he made her cry back,” Fluttershy responded.
“Why do you guys let them hang out with each other?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Because they’re having fun,” All three mares responded.
Soarin’ took another unhappy bite of his oatmeal, chewing the food if only to punish it for tasting so bland. He glared over towards his tyrant of a son, munching happily away at the sweet, succulent apple pie. Rainbow Blitz wouldn’t even let his father add any cream or sugar to his oatmeal for flavor. With the threat of Rainbow Dash’s wrath looming over his head, Soarin’ didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.
Sensing his father’s displeasure, Rainbow Blitz formed an evil plan in his mind. Soarin’ looked up from his oatmeal, panicked thoughts crowding his mind. Blitz was giving him the most adorable, innocent smile he could muster. Yep, I’m definitely in trouble.
Soarin’ gulped. “What is it Blitzy?”
“You can have the rest of my pie Daddy,” Blitz responded, forming a smirk with his lips.
“Awesome! Thank you Blitzy… wait,” Soarin’ said, noticing the wicked grin on Rainbow Blitz’s face. “What’s the catch?”
“No catch! All you gotta do is eat a spoonful of cinnamon first for flavor,” Blitz said. “No biggie, you like cinnamon. I like cinnamon. Most ponies like cinnamon.”
“Well that sounds weird, but sure! Anything for the rest of that pie!” Soarin’ cheerfully responded.
Rainbow Blitz zipped into the cabinet, bringing out a red container and spoon. Shaking the powdered spice into the scoop, he filled it to a level that he felt was satisfactory and passed the spoon to his father. Without a second thought, Soarin’ licked his chops and chomped onto the utensil.
"........"
The burning itself was a horrendously painful sensation. It only became amplified as the powdered cinnamon absorbed every drop of spit, shattering any chances for Soarin’s mouth to fight the fiery spice through natural salivary processes. His body acted without thought, drawing breath through his mouth as a desperate attempt to cool his tongue. Burning powder rushed down his esophagus, giving Rainbow Blitz the reaction he was waiting for.
“BLEHEHEHE!” Soarin’ coughed and choked, spraying cinnamon everywhere. Rainbow Blitz pounded the ground with a hoof, laughing as his father rushed to the sink, letting it bring the sweet, cool relief he needed. Soarin’ sunk to the ground, groaning from the physical pain and embarrassment. Trotting up with smug confidence, Rainbow Blitz dropped the plate in front of his father.
Soarin’ forgot his misery, eyeing the remainder of the baked good with bliss. The flaky crust, the soft, delicious apple filling flavored perfectly with…. cinnamon. Pinning his ears back and shuddering, Soarin’ pushed the plate back towards his son for the second time that morning. Rainbow Blitz crammed the remainder in his mouth, pie filling dripping off his chin as he attempted to chew more than he should have bit off.
“Shorry Dad,” Blitz said, spraying crumbs. “Buh I bee wah-tin do fry at ‘un fovea.”
Soarin’ sighed. “Don’t talk with your mouth full, Blitzy.”
Blitz swallowed and licked his chops. “I said I’m sorry Daddy, but I’ve been wanting to try that one for like… ever. Surprise told me about it after she got her mom with it. Who’da thunk something so tasty could be so…”
“Painful,” Soarin said flatly, his ears pinned back and his expression showing that he was not amused at all. “You know, I don’t have to give you your flying lesson…”
Rainbow Blitz pounced, grasping onto his father’s face with all four limbs.
“OhmygoshDadI’msosorry. Please please pleeeeease don’t do this! I Pinkie Promise, no more pranks today.”
Soarin’ raised an eyebrow skeptically, earning a sheepish grin from Blitz in return.
“Well, no more on you anyway.”
Soarin’ smiled, satisfied for winning this minor battle. After some cross motions with their hooves and finalizing the pact with a hoof on the eye, father and son stepped outside to begin the day.
“Stabilize your wings and… YES! Atta’ boy!” Soarin’ called out, pride resounding in his voice. Rainbow Blitz finished his routine and promptly landed on the cloud. Exhaling, Blitz was convinced that he had looked undoubtedly cool throughout the entire performance. Soarin’ smiled warmly down at his son, whose eyes were darting from side to side, searching to make sure they were truly alone. Convinced of his privacy, Rainbow Blitz jumped up and wrapped his father’s neck in a hug.
“Thank you so much Daddy! I had a lot of fun and learned SO MUCH!”
Soarin’s eyes widened in pleasant surprise.
“Daddy huh? I haven’t heard that one in awhile, unless you’re buttering me up for a prank. It’s always ‘Dad’ or ‘Paps’ now.”
Rainbow Blitz dropped back down the cloud, scuffing a hoof in embarassment, a slight blush on his cheeks.
“I-I’m growing up Dad. It’s not cool for grown boys to say ‘Daddy’ in public; that’s filly talk!”
“You don’t always have to do what ponies think is ‘cool’ Blitzy,” Soarin’ responded. A sad smile formed on his muzzle. “I just want you to enjoy being little while you can so that you can enjoy growing up as it happens, not because you think acting grown up will make you cool. Besides,” Soarin’ paused. Grabbing Blitz, he blew a raspberry into the colt’s tummy, smiling as he heard his son squeal and laugh. “I’m not ready for you to grow up just yet. It’s happening too fast!”
Catching his breath, Rainbow Blitz tidied his main and gave his father a cocky grin.
“But I like being cool Dad. Just you watch, I’ll be as big news as Mom some day.”
Soarin’ chuckled. “You were bigger news before you were even born kiddo.”
Blitz’s eyes dilated at the news. “Really!?”
Nodding rapidly, Soarin chuckled again at the memory.
“Didn’t Mommy ever tell you that story?”
Blitz crossed his arms, tapping the side of his head with a hoof as he searched the few memories he had accumulated in five years of living. Pinning his ears back, he came to a conclusion. “No…”
“Pfff, figures. Your mom has no problems telling multiples stories where I goof up, but she wouldn’t tell you the best story where she goofed up!” Soarin’ scoffed, rolling his eyes in annoyance.
“But Daddy,” Rainbow Blitz said. “You goof up all the time! Wouldn’t there be more stories of you goofing up if you goof up more?”
“Hey! That’s um, well, um, you see,” Soarin fumbled with his words. Well he got you there. Collecting himself, he continued. “Yes, Daddy messes up more. But this was a good one. It almost got your mom kicked out of the Wonderbolts.”
Rainbow Blitz’s jaw was agape, his pupils shrunk in shock. Soarin’ picked his son up, setting him directly in front as he lay down to make eye contact with him. Clearing his throat, Soarin’ began.
“It all started around six years ago in the dead of winter when your mother and I still lived at the Wonderbolts’ headquarters…”
Rainbow Dash sat on the bathroom floor. Eyes bloodshot, heart pounding, she shook uncontrollably. An empty box and its used contents had been thrown in the trash. I’ll get kicked off the squad for this! Nopony can find out. Nopony will find out! But I can only hide it for so long before it becomes obvious….
Rainbow Dash knew she ruined her career. Wonderbolts were required to maintain a certain body fat percentile; there was no way being pregnant would allow her to continue serving the team. Any Wonderbolt who wanted to start a family had to wait for an early retirement. She covered her eyes with her hooves, fighting to hold back tears. She refused to cry. Rainbow Dash doesn’t cry. How was I supposed to know the stupid birth control wouldn’t work? Heck, we’re given the stuff so that this DOESN’T happen!
Grabbing the trashcan, she sped into the hallway, passing by some of her very confused teammates as she left a rainbow trail in her wake. Reaching the furnace room, Rainbow Dash opened the door and entered, walking up to the fiery machine. Tossing, the trashcan’s contents inside, she watched them smolder in the heat, wiping away all evidence of her condition.
“I have six months of vacation time saved up,” Rainbow Dash thought aloud. “If I can hide it for the first five months, I’ll be in the clear. Simple right? I just gotta tell Spitfire I wanna take my trip to the Griffon lands a year early.”
“A year early?!”
Rainbow Dash turned around instantly, panic in her eyes, to be met face to face with Soarin’. The stallion did not look happy.
“And what exactly made you think you could keep something like this from everypony?”
Rainbow Dash was shaking, a cold sweat on her brow.
“I-I…. But I-“
“But nothing Dashie!” Soarin’s frown bent upward into a kind smile before giving Rainbow Dash a kiss on the lips. “I told you we didn’t need an eight month vacation! Spitfire probably won’t be happy about our change of plans being so… soon, but at least we’ll get that much needed break as soon as possible.” Soarin’ paused, giving his wife a hug. “Besides, you’ve seemed super stressed for like, no reason the past few weeks. A vacation is just what you need.”
Rainbow Dash exhaled in relief, hugging him back.
“I’m glad you understand, Soarin’.”
“But Daaaaaad! You said this would be a good story about Mom goofing up,” Rainbow Blitz whined, his face set into a comical pout. “It sounds like her plan worked just fine; she fooled you didn’t she?”
“Blitzy, let Daddy finish the story,” Soarin’ retorted, annoyed at the outburst.
“You clearly don’t know much about pregnancy. And boy, let me tell you, neither did any of us….”
“SOARIN’! WHERE’S YOUR WIFE!”
Spitfire’s commanding shouts sent shivers down Soarin’s spine. She knew the answer, and he knew her reaction would be far from pleasant.
“She wasn’t feeling good, so she-“
“DECIDED TO BE LAZY, AGAIN! WELL NOT THIS TIME!”
Spitfire turned around from the arranged formation of Wonderbolt members and stormed off towards the headquarters building. Soarin’ broke formation and trotted forward.
“But Spitfire! She-“
“But NOTHING Soarin’! Now back in formation; that’s an order!”
Spitfire’s stern expression softened as she saw the crestfallen stallion’s face.
“I know she’s your wife, but you can’t keep covering for her. I won’t suspend her- yet. I’m just going to put an end to these free days off.”
Spitfire turned back towards the building and closed the distance with a few flaps of her wings. Entering the building, she made her way towards Soarin’ and Rainbow Dash’s room. She stopped and paused as she heard a sound coming from the restroom. Is that somepony… coughing?
She walked into the facility, anticipation in every hoofstep as the coughing echoed throughout the room. Pausing at the stall door, Spitfire took a deep breath and opened it to reveal the source. What she saw left her speechless.
Rainbow Dash lay curled up on the floor, shaking from the physical excursion her morning ritual had taken from her. Vomit floated in the toilet bowl, trailing from the floor towards the seat, evidence that she didn’t quite make it. Tearstains adorned her cheeks, only to be compounded as more tears fell with each painful cough.
“Rainbow Dash…”
Rainbow turned her attention to Spitfire, wiping the tears off her face.
“I-I’ll get into uniform boss. Just had a bit of an upset stomach.”
“You’re going to bed and I’m calling the hospital. Look at yourself! I can’t believe Soarin’ let you stay in this condition without any real medical attention!” Spitfire said, her voice stern and her expression betraying her disbelief at the situation.
“No!” Rainbow Dash yelled. Spitfire raised an eyebrow, causing Dash to cringe. “No… you don’t have to. It stops after about an hour or so. I think it’s the new detergent we bought for the sheets. I hate the smell, doesn’t quite agree with my stomach, hehe. I may just be allergic.”
Spitire squinted. Rainbow Dash swallowed the lump in her throat.
“Oooookay then. Come out to practice after you feel better and clean yourself up Dash.”
Rainbow Dash sighed in relief. “Sure thing, Cap’.”
With a fiery blur, Spitfire flew down the hallway, annoyed and confused. That pony is lying through her teeth. Whatever you’re hiding from us Rainbow Dash, I can guarantee you we will find out.
“So Captain Spitfire was a bad guy?! I thought she was our friend!”
Rainbow Blitz looked at Soarin’ with wide eyes, shocked at the turn of events.
Soarin’ groaned at his son’s outburst.
“Blitzy, I thought I told you not to interrupt story time, okay?” Rainbow Blitz nodded. “Spitfire is not and never has been a ‘bad guy’. It’s her job to make sure the team is doing A-okay, and being pregnant brought your mother and everypony around her more and more problems after a few months had passed…”
Everypony in the cafeteria was staring in disbelief. Jaws slacked, eyes wide, they watched in awe and slight horror at Rainbow Dash. Several food-stained plates were stacked high, a monument for the many meals she had put down. Rice was topped with ice cream. Chocolate was dipped in soy sauce. The most unusual combinations between food substances were invented before everypony’s eyes.
Soarin’ looked at his wife in disbelief. He knew she had always been a big eater because of her metabolism, but her feast had passed being gluttonous after the second peanut butter and cheese sandwich. What made it more unbearable was the small gut she had acquired after four months of heavy eating. Watching her finish with a belch, Soarin’ spoke up, anxiety crawling in his voice.
“Wow Dashie. Where did you put it all?”
“In my stomach you idiot!” She snapped back.
Soarin’ reared back in surprise at her outlash.
Rainbow Dash stormed off towards their room, her husband following close behind.
“Tell me what’s wrong, Dashie.”
Rainbow Dash turned around, jabbing Soarin’ in the nose with every accented word.
“You said we should eat breakfast with everypony today. You said I needed to socialize more. You thought it would be a good idea to let everypony in the Wonderbolts watch me eat!”
“MEEEEEEEEE?!” Soarin’ bellowed back. “I’m not the one who ate like a goat out there! I’m not the one who insisted on us eating alone for four months!”
Rainbow Dash cringed as Soarin’s lecture took on a louder and more serious tone.
“You’ve been yelling at everypony for two months now, and I’ve been getting the worst of it! You couldn’t hold down any food for a few weeks, then go on some gross eating binge! What's up with that? Have you seen yourself lately? Do you not realize you have to keep in shape? You’re the one who has been causing all the problems, so why blame me Rainbow Dash? Why-?”
Soarin’ heard and looked at his wife’s reaction and stopped immediately. Tears flowed from her face onto the floor as she sobbed uncontrollably. As angry as he was, he was even more worried than mad right now. Rainbow Dash doesn’t cry. This is bad.
“… Dashie?”
“BECAUSE IT’S YOUR FAULT TOO!” She yelled, running into their room and slamming the door.
Soarin’ collapsed into a sitting position, mentally drained from the conflict. His eyes began watering; the fact that he made somepony like his wife cry felt too unreal. My fault… too? But I didn’t do anything, did I?
Hearing hoofsteps behind him, Soarin’ turned around to be met by Spitfire. Her face showed a mixture of concern and sadness.
“…You heard all that, didn’t you?”
Spitfire shook her head slowly. “No Soarin’, the entire cafeteria heard that. None of us knew what to do, so I decided to come out and offer my help. We’re all worried about your marriage and her physical and mental condition. None of us wants to see what used to be such a happy couple split up by misunderstandings. We also don’t wanna lose the Sonic Rainboom in our routine. You have to figure out what's wrong, or I'll have no choice but to expel her from the team, understand?”
Soarin’ nodded his head, wiping the tears from his eyes.
“Good,” Spitfire responded. “Now then, we both know this started about four months ago. Did you do or say anything to Rainbow Dash that would make her upset?”
“No! Spitfire, she’s always been so strong and unaffected by emotional stuff. I’ve never seen her cry without being in major physical pain before today! I don’t know what’s wrong with her. But I may know some ponies who might, and I’m gonna go talk to them as soon as possible. With your permission for the day off, of course.”
“Of course. Take the whole week off if you need to Soarin’.”
“Thank you, Spitfire.”
Soarin’ picked himself back up and headed towards the exit, determined to help however he could. Spitfire couldn't help but ask one last question.
Soarin’ touched down near the outskirts of the Everfree Forest. Trotting down the road a bit, he reached a familiar cottage. If anypony knows what’s wrong with Dashie, it outta be her oldest friend.
Reaching the cottage door, he stopped to read a written note loosely attached with scotch tape.
Gone to the spa for my weekly get together with the girls. I’m so, so sorry if I missed you. Please don’t be mad at me!
Soarin’ groaned as he turned around and flew back into the air. He didn’t exactly plan on exploring Ponyville for one of the frilliest establishments. Catching sight of the town’s more developed buildings, he landed on the road and began to look around for the spa. But what if there’s more than one spa…. Dear Celestia, could anything else go wrong?
“Hey! Is that Soarin’ from the Wonderbolts?!”
Uh oh….
“Simply divine! Let me tell you, the spa never fails to uphold perfection!”
“It is nice to get pampered from time to time, Rarity.” Twilight said. “Though I don’t get this whole mud bath thing. Couldn’t I just cast a spell to get rid of any dandruff? Not that… I have it of course, heheh.”
“That’s just silly Twilight! Then Aloe and Lotus would have one less job to do!” Pinkie chirped up, unneeded curlers littering her hair. “And nothing is more fun than a day at work!”
“Not everypony gets ta work at Sugarcube Corner, sugarcube,” Applejack retorted from the Jacuzzi. “Though ah don’t think this job’s exactly hard labor in itself, they’re mighty good at what they do.”
The loud chatter of a crowd of ponies could be heard outside, disrupting the tranquil atmosphere the spa usually retained.
“Good grrracious, what in Equestria is causing that ruckus?! It’s ruining a perfectly fabulous spa day!” Rarity complained.
“Oh… um… I’ll go check,” Fluttershy said meekly, trotting out into the chaos.
“Maybe it’s a parade or a dragon or a party or a celebrity! Wouldn’t that be neat! Maybe it’s Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie squealed in delight, her hopes rising higher than the city of Cloudsdale.
“Pinkie, we’d love to see Rainbow Dash as much as you, but she’s super busy this season,” Twilight responded logically, despite the twinge of hope she felt. “She doesn’t have time when the Wonderbolts are learning their routines for the upcoming shows.”
“Phooey! That ain’t no excuse Twi!” Applejack huffed. “Little miss Wonderbolt should make time for her friends. If ah can find time away from the farm, then she should be able to find time away from them fancy fliers.”
“Applejack! She’s a celebrity! The poor dear runs herself ragged year round and still manages to find some time for us now and again. Not to mention she’s married now and is obligated to spend what in between time she has with her husband! We miss her dearly, but she’s living her dream and we have no right to begrudge her.”
Applejack nodded solemnly at Rarity’s defensive statement. The sentimentality in the room was shattered as Fluttershy came galloping through the spa’s front doors, gasping for breath. The jubilant look on her face left her friends in anticipation for her to catch her breath and give them the news.
“You girls… will not… BELIEVE… who landed in town!” Fluttershy panted.
“YES?!” They all responded.
“The crowd… was gathered…. around a pegasus… chanting about… the Wonderbolts… and blue coat…”
“YEEEEEEEEEES?!?!”
“Oh… I mean, if you want to know….”
“Just spit it out girl!” Applejack yelled.
“Soarin’ is here! And if he’s here then Rainbow Dash must be here too!”
All five mares let out a joyful scream at the chance to see their friend again.
“Well then what’re we waiting for! Let’s go get them through this… big… large… mob of Wonderbolts fans.” Twilight sighed, feeling defeated.
Applejack stepped up, a rope draped over her back.
“Nothin’ to worry ‘bout Twi! I’ll get ‘em here lickity split.”
Twirling the rope, Applejack tossed the lasso into the mob and felt a snag. Pull as she might, she couldn’t budge the rope as she stepped backwards.
“Everypony pull!” Twilight commanded. All five friends pulled, making slow progress as they inched backwards, dragging the lassoed pony through the crowd. Aloe and Lotus joined, speeding up the process until the tension released, sending eight ponies sprawling. Picking themselves up, they saw their attempt had not been in vain. Soarin’ lay spread out on the floor gasping for breath before looking up at his saviors.
“Thank you, ladies.”
“WAHAHAHAHHOOOOOOOAAAAA!!” Rarity shrieked. “Oh stars and heavens above! Soarin’, you look positively horrible! What in Equestria has happened to you?!”
Nopony defended her accusations. Soarin’ mane and feathers were raggedy from the mob, but that was the least of Rarity’s horrors. His eyes were puffy with dark rings underneath, evidence of the stressful months he had endured. His coat was dull and dirty, tainting the faint azure blue he rarely got to display.
“That doesn’t matter right now,” Soarin’ said, breathing heavily. “I need your help, please. Rai-“
“Of course you need our help!” Rarity interrupted. “Aloe! Lotus! This is a spa emergency! Quick quick, help this poor stallion!”
“No! I need your help with-“
Soarin’ didn’t get to finish his sentence before the two spa ponies tackled him. He found himself tied up with seaweed as they dragged him to a separate room for some intensive rejuvenation techniques.
“It sounded like he had something important to tell us, Rarity. Besides, we still don’t know where Rainbow Dash is and now we have to wait even longer!”
Twilight’s outburst set Rarity into a gasp.
“Twilight! Show some consideration! That poor stallion is getting what he needs most right now, whether he wants it or not. A good massage, two cucumber slices, and a bottle of shampoo and conditioner will work wonders for him. Whatever he had to tell us can wait, and so can Rainbow Dash. Honestly, how can she let her husband get into that kind of condition! It’s beastly! It’s atrocious! It’s-“
“Not the end of the world, Rarity.” Applejack interrupted.
“It’s all okie dokie in the long run! We just gotta wait thirty minutes or so and then Soarin’ can tell us where Dashie is!” Pinkie chirped. “Besides, with that crowd out there it’s not like we’re going to find her on our own. We just have to wait.”
And so they did.
Soarin’ walked into the main spa room, his coat, main, and feathers all shining and neatly fixed. The puffiness had been reduced slightly by the cucumbers, but the dark rings would only go away with proper sleep. Rarity was very pleased with the results.
“Now that is much better. Soarin’ darling, you simply must learn to take proper care of yourself. Now then, what was it you needed our help with?”
Soarin’ broke down, sobbing uncontrollably.
“I-I need help with R-Rainbow Dash! Pleeeease! I-I don’t know what to do anymore and y-you five are my only h-hope of fixing things!”
All five mares looked at each other with worried expressions. Stepping forward, Applejack placed a hoof on his shoulder.
“We’re here for you sugarcube. We’ll do everything in our power to help ya’ll, ah promise. Now tell us what in tarnation has gotten you so broken up like this?”
Soarin’ told them everything. He told them about the sickness, the change in vacation plans, the weird food tastes, gluttonous behavior, weight gain, and mostly about her emotions. He told them about a temper he’d never seen from her before. He even told them that she cried, putting emphasis on how bizarre it was. Rainbow Dash doesn’t cry. Everypony stood with shocked expressions, except Rarity, who wore a small smile even with tears flowing from her eyes.
Twilight shifted a hoof uncomfortably. “You’re right Soarin’, that certainly doesn’t sound like Rainbow Dash at all. I haven’t got a clue, but I’m sure I can find an answer. I’ll start my research immediately.”
“Twilight dear, that won’t be necessary.” Rarity stepped forward, tears staining her cheeks. “Congratulations Soarin’. Let me be the first to tell you how happy I am for both you and Rainbow Dash.”
“Whaaaaaaat?!?!”
Everypony stared at Rarity in confusion, all equally appalled that she could find Soarin’s marital issues worth celebrating.
“Congratulations?! Rarity even I couldn’t throw a party for stuff like that!” Pinkie shrieked.
“She’s been out of control with her bingin’.” Applejack added.
“And she’s seemed so upset.” Fluttershy said.
“Surely you all must be jesting. Isn’t it obvious what’s going on?”
Rarity groaned as all five ponies in attendance shook their heads.
“Rainbow Dash is pregnant. Soarin’, you’re going to be a daddy!”
“Pregnant!”
“Babies! I get to play with more babies!” Pinkie hollered.
Soarin’ sat down, unable to take the news in stride. His heart raced, his brow broke into a cold sweat, his throat dry, he tried to recollect himself. It all makes sense. It finally all makes sense. Morning sickness, food cravings, mood swings, why couldn’t I see it before? She wasn’t even getting out of shape either. I can’t believe that I could be… I… I….
“I’m an idiot…” Soarin said. Each word fell heavily, as if to strike him for his mistake. I’m such a stupid idiot. It was so obvious the whole time. We were always warned in those health classes that birth control wasn’t 100%. Leave it to Rainbow Dash to stand out of the crowd…
“Um, I have a question… if you don’t mind that is,” Fluttershy timidly spoke up. The incredulous looks from her friends berated her for being so shy. “Oh, well okay, I mean my question is, if Rainbow Dash is pregnant, then why wouldn’t she tell you? Why wouldn’t she tell us, or anypony?”
“And it ain’t like Rainbow to go and be disloyal, so Ah know you’re the father,” Applejack piped up.
All five gave Soarin’ their attention as he sighed heavily.
“Because Wonderbolts can’t get pregnant. We’re expected to maintain our athletic build, or we don’t make the cut.”
“That’s a load of horseapples!” Applejack yelled indignantly. “Don’t ya’ll have maternity leave or nuthin’?”
Soarin’ shook his head glumly.
“No, we don’t. Wonderbolts who want to start a family usually wait until retirement to have kids. Or they retire early. Rainbow Dash wouldn’t want to retire now; she loves being on the team too much. She probably didn’t tell me because less ponies knowing would mean she could still keep it a secret, and I can’t blame her. I can’t keep that big a secret if my life depended on it!”
“Whatever are you going to do, darling?” Rarity inquired.
“I don’t know,” Soarin’ answered honestly. “But I have to go talk to her. She needs me now more than ever. I’ll send a letter later to catch you girls up to speed.”
Soarin’ unfurled his wings for immediate takeoff and walked to the door.
“Soarin’, wait!”
He turned his head to address Rarity.
Smiling, she continued. “Do you hope it’s a filly or a colt?”
Soarin’ smiled. “Filly.”
“A GIRL!?!?! YOU WANTED ME TO BE A GIRL?!?!” Ranbow Blitz shrieked.
“Hey! Gimme a break Blitzy! I was in a room full of mares! It was the quickest way out, I swear!” Soarin’s nerves caused his voice to crack, leaving Blitz unconvinced. His son wore a cynical look.
“Now I know why you always give me too many hugs and kisses.” Blitz pouted.
“Er, well, back to the story,” Soarin’ stuttered.
“We are not done here, Dad!”
“BACK TO THE STORY! I had to escape the mob, but luckily I’m one of the fastest fliers in Equestria. After a few hours of flying, I finally made it back to the headquarters…..”
Several Wonderbolts, Spitfire included, immediately approached Soarin’ as he entered the hallway. The questions they threw at him bounced off like flies on a window. His mind was too preoccupied at the moment. I’m going to be a father! I’m going to be a father! Sweet Celestia, I’m actually going to be a-
“SOARIN'!”
Soarin’ snapped back to reality. Spitfire’s shouts could always bring anypony back down to Equestria. Stuttering a bit, he replied with a droll.
“Yeaaaah?”
All present Wonderbolts groaned, accompanied by either a roll of the eyes or a hoof to the face. Spitfire shook her head with an exasperated sigh.
“We asked you if you found anything out, but all you did was sit there daydreaming with some goofy smile on your face. Did you find out what was wrong with Rainbow Dash?”
“Yeah,” he replied, his voice a half-whisper, a small smile etched on his face.
Trotting past his curious teammates, Soarin’ entered his room and closed the door behind him, locking it. He didn’t want any interruptions.
Walking up to the bed, he carefully approached his wife. Rainbow Dash groaned, jumped off the bed and pulled him into a hug.
“Look Soarin’, I’m sorry for snapping at you okay? You don’t have to feel like you’re walking on cirrus clouds or something. I just wasn’t feeling myself, you know?”
“Pregnant mares don’t need to explain themselves, Dashie,” Soarin’ whispered.
Rainbow Dash broke the embrace and took a step back. She wore the same panicked look she had when she saw the positive sign emerge on the pregnancy test. Her voice cracking under the pressure, she managed to squeak out,
“Pregnant? I-I’m not pregnant! I’m just fat is all, really!”
Soarin' raised an eyebrow.
“Dashie, the day you let yourself get too fat to do the Sonic Rainboom is the day I willingly give up sweets. I went to see your friends in Ponyville because I was too stupid to see the signs myself. It only took like, a few seconds for Rarity to tell us all how oblivious we all are. It’s okay, you don’t have anything to be embarrassed or scared of, but I can’t help you if you won’t be honest.”
“Rarity would think it was obvious,” Rainbow Dash sighed, her charade defeated. She went up to Soarin’ and wrapped him in a hug, resting her head on the back of his neck. “You know what I’m really afraid of? Of course I’m scared that you’re mad at me for not telling you, and I’m also scared of getting kicked off the team. But what scares me the most is our kid. We’re bringing a foal into the world, Soarin’, and he or she’s gonna have two busy celebrities for parents. Well, one, since I’m history, but still. This kid is gonna be thrown into the paparazzi after his or her first breath. Nopony deserves that.”
“Hey, I’m not mad. If anything, I’m happy you know me well enough to know I can’t keep that big of a secret. What’s there to be mad about? You were scared and you were trying to do what you could to protect our family…. our family. Our family!” Soarin’s grin threatened to stretch past his muzzle. Rainbow Dash’s smile rivaled his.
“Daaaaaaaad why did you have to include all that mushy stuff?” Rainbow Blitz whined.
“Consider it payback for that cinnamon trick, Blitzy,” his father retorted. “Anyways, after our little emotional breakdown, we went outside and told everypony the big news. Your mother told Spitfire she would file her resignation in the morning, when we suddenly heard a belch, or rather saw it since there was fire and a scroll. Turns out, I was followed by your mother’s friends, who had written to Princess Celestia on the subject. Being the princess and all, she pulled some strings so that your mother could have maternity leave, despite her status as a Wonderbolt.”
“Woah… the princess did that for Mom?” Rainbow Blitz asked incredulously.
Soarin’ shook his head. “No Blitzy, she did that for you. Because of you, the Wonderbolts now have maternity leave so that something like this never happens again. And it would have happened sooner and saved us all a lot of grief if your mother had just been honest with us from the start.”
“Really? Cuz it sounds to me like if you and everypony else had paid more attention, then it would’ve been obvious. You goofed up pretty bad too Daddy.“
“Well, I, um… I-“
“I forgot to ask earlier,” Blitz interrupted. “What’s birth control?”
“WHO WANTS LUNCH?!” Soarin’ bellowed, trying to drown out the question.
“But Dad, I wanna know what-“
“LUNCH! And if you don’t ask that question again, I’ll take you to the Canterlot Fair after!”
“Really?!” Rainbow Blitz squeaked. Grabbing his relieved father’s hoof, he flew off towards the majestic city.
“How about a nice big smile from the father and son?” “Soarin’! Soarin’! Give your son a big hug and a smile for the camera!” “Smile little rainbow cutie!”
The flashing lights from the pony paparazzi were a crushing pressure for Rainbow Blitz. The colt covered his eyes with his hooves, attempting to block out the light and hope they would go away. While scheduled family photo shoots were not uncommon, his solo flights to visit friends in Ponyville were relatively peaceful and free from the blinding camera lights. He had always envisioned his future fame to include the photographers, but he had never pictured them to be so invasive and, he hated to admit, scary. What am I gonna do? Everypony is gonna see me freak out just because I’m not used to having my picture taken! I’ll be a laughing stock! My life is over! I-I-
Rainbow Blitz’s panicked thoughts were interrupted by a sudden sensation of darkness and… safety? Or was it security? Or both? Blitz didn’t dwell on specifics. Cracking one eye open, he was greeted by a faint glow of pale blue plumage. The sun and camera flashes glowed harmlessly through Soarin’s protective wing. Rainbow Blitz realized he wasn’t even walking anymore; his father had been carrying him on his back, shielding him from the cameras with his wings. Clinging to Soarin’, Blitz could hear the words reverberate through flesh and fur.
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask everypony to either put their cameras away or leave. The flash is hurting my son’s eyes, and quite frankly I don’t find it pleasant either. There will be plenty of time in the future to take Blitzy’s photograph, but today is not that time. All we ask is for you to leave us in peace so that we can enjoy a nice father-son lunch together.”
The crowd was silent. Rainbow Blitz could feel his father holding his breath, before releasing a groan as the flashes continued again. Soarin’ galloped from the paparazzi, powering his way into a local diner. Blitz clutched to his father’s back, his eyes closed and his muscles tense.
“……..”
“You can open your eyes now, Blitzy.”
Rainbow Blitz’s eyes snapped wide open. Jumping off his father’s back, he stuck his landing and feigned a calm demeanor.
“Heh, nothin’ to it. I could’ve-“ His father’s smug smile and raised eyebrow suggested otherwise, causing Blitz to hesitate. Rainbow Blitz’s smile fell and his ears pinned back as he dropped the act. “… made a big joke out of myself in front of all of Equestria. …. Thanks Daddy.”
Soarin’ gave his son a sympathetic look.
“Now now Blitzy, nopony would’ve made fun of you.”
“Oh yeah? What about Golden Delicious?”
“Well, she may have-“
“And Gizmo?”
“He uh-“
“Pure Connoisseur?”
“Yeah… she-“
“Capricorn?”
“Hey! Cappy wouldn’t make fun of you for that.”
Soarin’ interrupted Blitz as he opened his mouth to speak.
“And Surprise wouldn’t make fun of you either. The point is, your friends would have stopped after a few days or until one of them did something embarrassing. Like it or not Blitzy, kids are mean, but at least they forgive and forget easily. Now let’s eat. I’m starving!”
Soarin’ and Rainbow Blitz walked over to the diner’s barstools, each taking a seat. White blinds covered the windows as the diner’s employees twisted their holdings to block out the camera flashes. The gruff shouting of a pony could be heard even over the crowd of paparazzi ponies.
“GET OUTTA’ HERE YA VULTURES! NOPONY IS STEPPIN HOOF IN HERE UNLESS YA BUY A MEAL. GET ON, SCRAM!”
A bulky beige pony with light brown hair walked towards the celebrity duo from the diner’s entrance. He shook his head as he made several audible ‘tuts’ in Soarin’s direction.
“Soarin’ ya careless bum! Wadduh ya think you’re doin’ trottin’ around in broad daylight like that? And bringin’ your son too? Kid sticks out like a rainbow hoof. Least you coulda’ done is bought ‘im a cap ta hide that firework display he’s got goin' on toppa’ his head.”
“Who you callin’ fireworks, grease trap?!” Rainbow Blitz piped up.
“Rainbow Blitz! That is no way to talk to anypony!” Soarin’ rapped Rainbow Blitz on the back of his head and gave an apologetic look to the stallion. “I am so sorry, Pony Joe. My son needs to learn that he doesn’t always have to say the first thing that pops up in his little head.”
Pony Joe chuckled and reached a hoof out, ruffling Rainbow Blitz’s hair.
“Aint a problem, Soar. Kid’s got spunk; I can appreciate a little firecracker like this one. Better for him ta have some spark to him than ta be a dud.”
Blitz pushed Pony Joe’s hoof of off his head and scowled.
“Keep makin’ firework jokes and I’ll tell everypony your cutie mark is a bagel.”
“You wouldn’t da-… I mean, kid’s got some spirit there, Soarin’.” Pony Joe cleared his throat.” Now then, what can I get ya two lugs?”
“I’ll have the glazed apple friMPPPHH!”
Rainbow Blitz squeezed his front legs around his father’s muzzle, silencing him mid-order. Turning his head towards Pony Joe, he corrected Soarin’.
“He’ll have the green salad with low fat dressing.”
Blitz ignored the mumbled protests his father emitted.
“We wouldn’t want a certain mommy to find out a certain daddy tried to cheat his diet twice in the same day.”
Soarin’ became completely silent.
“And I’ll have the grilled cheese kids meal. Can I get chocolate milk, Daddy?” Rainbow Blitz asked, a wide fake grin adorning his face as he still clamped onto his father’s muzzle. Soarin’ gave a rough sigh as he rested his chin on a front leg.
“Chocolate milk, Pony Joe. Iced tea for him, with two of those sugar free sweetener packet thingies. I think he deserves a little treat.”
“Sure thing, kiddo. Sorry Soarin’, but I aint takin’ the risk of gettin’ on your wife’s bad side. I’m surprised you was willin’ ta take that kinda risk for an apple fritter.”
As Pony Joe trotted to the kitchen to deliver the order, Rainbow Blitz released his hold and took a seat next to his father. Awkward silence hung in the air as the two avoided eye contact, waiting for either to start conversation. Blitz alternately swung each back leg in rhythm, while Soarin’ tapped a hoof on the counter. Rainbow Blitz cleared his throat and interrupted the silence.
“I uh, didn’t know you were so good with words, Dad. Where’d you learn to talk to a crowd like that?”
“What? You think the only thing we do is fly around all day? Wonderbolts are constantly under the paparazzi; you gotta know what to say so that something you didn’t mean doesn’t end up in a tabloid magazine,” Soarin’ replied, a slight chuckle following.
“Those are the gossip magazines that print a bunch of horseapples, right?” Blitz asked.
“Watch your language young colt. But yes, you’re right. They print a bunch of lies, and ponies believe it anyways because every now and again one of them will wind up being true. Luckily, your mother and I only have to deal with the paparazzi outside of practice. We’re usually so busy all day long until we get home that they don’t get to start many rumors about us. I’m really happy you’ve managed to avoid them for the most part.”
Soarin’ paused, thinking about what he had just said. “How do you manage to avoid them?”
Rainbow Blitz squirmed on his barstool. Stuttering, he struggled to fabricate a lie.
“Oh… I have school Daddy!”
Soarin’ raised an eyebrow and frowned at his son’s lie.
“You’re in kindergarten Blitzy. School gets out at one in the afternoon. What do you do for five hours?”
“I-uh, I practice my flying!”
“For five hours everyday? Your wings aren’t developed enough to last that long.”
“Visit my friends…”
“That’s enough lying Rainbow Blitz. That trip takes almost two hours to fly, and when you do go to Ponyville, we always pick you up. Now tell me the truth!”
Rainbow Blitz turned his head, mumbling down at the floor.
“Iwmmmnnnmmmmmnnoo.”
Soarin’ gave his son a puzzled look. “You do what now?”
“Iwmmmnnfmmnymmmnanmmmmtmmmgmmmnhmmm”
Soarin’ lost his patience. “For the love of Equestria, speak up Blitzy!”
“I SAID I WAIT FOR YOU AND MOM TO GET HOME OKAY!”
Blitz’s cheeks were flushed in anger as he hovered in midair. Landing back on his barstool, he avoided making eye contact with his stunned father to hide any straying tears. Soarin’ could barely squeak out a reply.
“You what?”
Rainbow Blitz wiped his eyes and turned his head towards Soarin’.
“Look Dad, not everypony wants to be friends with the celebrity kid. Nopony in my class will talk to me unless it’s asking for Mom’s autograph. They think I’d be as stuck up as Prince Blueblood or somepony from the top of Canterlot. Just because I was born into greatness or something, they won’t even talk to me. And I don’t go into town cuz, well, you already saw what happened. I’m not ready to handle all those cameras… yet.”
The dead silence that followed was agonizing for Soarin’. He tapped a front hoof on the bar to break it, his ears pinned back in discomfort. Say something Soarin’! You have to do or say something… anything! Your son needs you… but what do I say? Oh man, what am I gonna do? If only Rainbow Dash was here, she’d know what to say. This is all my fault; I should’ve spent more time asking him how his day was instead of just taking ‘good’ for an answer. No! Can’t beat myself up over that. It’s too late now. I gotta fix this, the poor kid needs… he needs….
“Say Blitzy,” Soarin’ began, rubbing a hoof behind his head. “How about I talk to Spitfire about getting you a pass to the Wonderbolts’ training stadium? You could come after school and watch our routines. Maybe get a mini private lesson from your mother and me on our breaks,” He’ finished with a wink.
“Really?!” Rainbow Blitz squealed.
Soarin’ smiled in relief at the ecstatic grin plastered on his son’s face. The sentimentality was shattered by the sound of a gruff voice.
“All right ya bums! Green salad with iced tea and a grilled cheese kids meal with the good stuff. Chow down!”
Soarin’ gripped Rainbow Blitz’s tail in his teeth, preventing the colt from flying off to find any way to relieve his boredom. While standing in line for the Canterlot Fair wasn’t either pony’s idea of a good time, Blitz’s fiddling was threatening their anonymity as his beret wobbled precariously on his head. Soarin’ had taken Pony Joe’s advice and purchased a hat to hide his son’s vibrant mane. While Rainbow Blitz wasn’t too thrilled about hiding his hair under a foreign fashion statement, the brown bowler his father adorned looked silly enough to appease him into wearing it. Soarin’ spit out Blitz’s tail as the colt turned around to speak up.
“But Daaaaaaaddyyyyyyyy,” Blitz whined. “I gotta move! I gotta fly! This is way too boring; how much longer do we have to wait?”
“You sound just like your mother,” Soarin’ deadpanned. Rainbow Blitz gave him a smug smile, taking the statement as a compliment. “ As I’ve already said three times, we’re next up. Now stand in front of me so nopony can see your rainbow tail.” He paused, giving his son a smirk. “That is, unless you’d like to be mobbed by the photographers again.”
Rainbow Blitz dropped straight to the ground, grumbling quietly to the dirt. With a satisfied smile Soarin’ walked him up to the ticket booth.
“How many today sir?” The booth pony asked robotically.
“Two. One adult, one child,” he replied.
“All right sir, your total will be twelve bits.” Soarin’ brought himself closer as he pushed the bits through the gap under the window. The booth pony paused as he reached for the money and stared intently at Soarin’. “Say, you wouldn’t happen to be-“
“NOPE,” Soarin’ bellowed. “I’VE HEARD THAT A LOT, THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENT.”
“Oh, my mistake sir. Here are your tickets.”
Soarin’ yanked the tickets from the gap, grabbed Rainbow Blitz and bolted his way to the security line.
“Helloooooo? Anypony home?”
Rainbow Dash’s voice echoed through the house, tapering until there was nothing but silence. She had come home after her friends returned to their busy schedules. Unfortunately for the six mares, life did not put itself on hold and their responsibilities needed tending to. Well, since nopony is home, maybe I can take a nap…. unless Blitzy wants me to think nopony is home. I can’t nap nowadays without eatin’ a hoof full of shaving cream.
Cautious of the continued silence, Rainbow Dash began scanning her surroundings for any clues to the whereabouts of her husband and child. So weird. I expected Blitzy to come running up and tell me about how awesome his lesson was. Or lame, Soarin’ could’ve put him through a lecture about proper flying forms to maximize aerodynamic efficiencies… oh Celestia, I’m such an egghead now. At least nopony can read my-
Rainbow Dash’s train of thought was interrupted as she caught sight of a paper attached to the refrigerator door. Walking to the fridge door, she read the hastily written note,
Flying lesson went great, gone to Canterlot Fair for a fun day. Lot’s of love, Soarin’
Rainbow Dash’s neutral expression bent upward as she smiled wider and wider, until she burst out laughing. Trying her best to control herself, Dash reduced her laugh to a giggle before thinking out loud.
“Hehehe, oh Soarin’, hehehe, you have hehehehe NO idea what you’ve gotten yourself into, hahahahahehehehe.”
“Another soda Blitzy? That has to be your fifth one.”
Rainbow Blitz clutched the lemon-lime soda defensively. Sporting a sheepish grin he stuttered a response.
“W-well, it’s hot outside Dad! This is my last one, I promise.” He paused, before Soarin’ gave him a frustrated groan as he brought his hoof to his forehead.
“Your mother is going to kill me for letting you have that much sugar." Dropping his hooves, he gave his son a quizzical look. "Why did you get lemon-lime Blitzy? I thought root beer was your favorite.”
“Oh, well, it’s just kind’ve a lemon-lime day, y’know? Felt like something different.”
He flashed his father a wide smile happy enough to give Pinkie Pie competition. Soarin’ sighed, accepting defeat despite his instincts telling him his son was planning something.
Their time at the fair had, so far, been very enjoyable. Sure, it was hot outside, and the numerous anthills in the dirt were annoying, but the fair employees had been very accommodating. Pegasus workers placed clouds in a concentrated area, allowing customers to cool off in the mist as they passed through them.
The rides seemed stable enough and the food was palatable. Soarin’ mentally complained that he couldn’t have most of it due to the high sugar content of the food and the high tattle content of his kid, but he enjoyed his hay fries when Rainbow Blitz allowed him to put ketchup on them. Soarin’ wasn’t proud that he was stooping to using condiments to satisfy his sugar cravings, but he took what he could get. It was an embarrassing victory, but a victory nonetheless.
Rainbow Blitz had even been on his best behavior, always saying please and thank you and giving Soarin’ hugs and kisses in public… Wait a minute… he’s definitely planning something. Oh man, I better put an end to whatever it is before he makes somepony mad or-
Rainbow Blitz’s awkward fidgeting interrupted Soarin’s paranoid assumptions. The colt looked extremely uncomfortable with his back legs crossed as he hopped up and down.
“Gotta go potty again, champ?” Soarin’ amusingly asked.
Rainbow Blitz nodded, prompting his father to chuckle.
“Well what’d you expect after downing all those sodas? Make it quick Blitzy, we got a lot of rides to ride and we can’t keep stopping for you to go to the bathroom each time.”
Blitz scurried off towards the restrooms. Making sure he was out of Soarin’s sight range, he gave up his charade and walked comfortably towards the restrooms. Rainbow Blitz gave a double take in both directions to make sure nopony could see him before trotting around the restrooms until he reached a gap in between the fence and the building. Cackling, he undid the top of his soda and began pouring.
Soarin’ stood slumped over a trashcan, his stomach releasing half digested hayfries and ketchup. Lifting his head, he turned a green muzzle toward Rainbow Blitz, his face contorted in a wobbly frown. Blitz flashed him a guilty smile and scuffed a hoof on the ground, struggling to hold back his snickering.
“S-sorry Dad, hehehe. How was I supposed to know the spinning ride would make you sick? Aren’t you, you know, supposed to handle the… uhm what was it again?”
“G-Force, Blitzy,” Soarin’ moaned back. “And yeah, but when I fly it’s on my own terms. We don’t strap ourselves to some giant metal thing that spins us while we’re spinning around in a bigger circle.” His color began returning to its normal pale blue. “How did you not get sick from that thing?”
“Oh, well Surprise always makes me and Cappy play pin the tail on the pony,” Blitz responded, twirling on one hoof in the process. “She spins us round and round and round and-“
“I get it!” Soarin’ interrupted, his cheeks returning to their previous green color. “The heat probably didn’t help either. What do you say we go cool off in the clouds, Blitzy?”
“NO!” Rainbow Blitz shrieked.
Soarin’s surprised look prompted the colt to test his improvisation skills.
“Uh-uhm no. Probably not the best to go in there after throwing up. Make the whole place smell and uh, do you really wanna feel uhm, mu-mu-“
“Muggy?” Soarin’ asked, his expression softened. Blitz nodded vigorously. “I guess you’re right Blitzy. Let’s go check out some of the competitions, and then we can go on some more rides. But no more spinning, okay?”
“Yeah, sure!” Blitz said, relief heavy in his voice.
The fair’s competitions held judging for cows, sheep, and other hooved creatures Blitz had barely seen before. Though he wasn’t exactly sure why there was a swimsuit portion for the cow pageant, the bulls in the audience seemed to enjoy it. His dad bribed him with a bag of popcorn if he stopped asking about it. Sheep were judged on wool cleanliness, pigs on weight, and it wasn’t until the goat tin can eating contest that the first screams could be heard.
Soarin’ and Rainbow Blitz rushed outside to see a higher class Canterlot mare being swarmed by ants, her purple coat having the addition of moving black freckles. Blitz snickered quietly as the mare shrieked and flailed about.
“These abominations simply will not leave me alone! Help! Somepony help meeeeeeee!”
“They’re just ants,” Soarin’ chuckled, shaking his head at the scene. Lowering his muzzle to Blitz’s level, he continued out of everypony’s hearing range. “Poor thing was probably horrified that she had to walk on dirt in the first place. Probably never saw that anthill coming until it was too late. It’s still weird though. You’d think they’d leave her alone once she cleared enough distance from the colony.”
“Yeah, I guess she’s in a sticky situation,” Blitz cackled. “C’mon Dad, let’s go ride some more rides now. The competitions and stuff were cool, but I want some action!”
“All right, champ. Which one do-“
“AAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!”
Three ponies covered in ants ran past Soarin’ and a very giddy Rainbow Blitz. Blitz failed to hold in his snickering long enough for Soarin’ to put the pieces together.
“What’d you do, Rainbow Blitz?” He asked dryly.
“Me?! I-I didn’t do anything Dad!” Blitz stuttered.
Soarin’s piercing glare forced a sheepish smile on his son’s face.
“Okay okay! Remember how I’ve been going to the bathroom all day? Well what happened…”
Rainbow Blitz cackled as he poured the lemon-lime soda out of its container. The liquid fell into a cumulus cloud he had hidden away behind the restrooms, saturating it with the sweet beverage until it looked ready to pour. Deeming the cloud ‘ready’, Blitz took it and rushed off towards the cloud cooling area of the fair.
A weather patrol worker felt a tug on his tail. Looking down, he was met by the biggest, most hopeful and adorable green eyes he had ever seen. The little colt’s raspy voice and words tugged at each heartstring, playing the right melody to get his way.
“Excuse me sir,” he said, shuffling a hoof on the ground in faked embarrassment. “It’s always been my dream to be a weather patroller, and well um… I brought a cloud to help out. It isn’t a lot, but my mommy and daddy say I’m not allowed to fly high enough for the bigger ones, and I don’t wanna disobey them.”
The worker smiled warmly and for once felt proud about his meager job. Leaning down, he whispered to Blitz.
“Take it to the middle part, little guy. Every bit helps.” He paused before giving Rainbow Blitz a wink. “You’ll make a great weather patrol someday.”
“You mean to tell me you had me buy you colorless soda all day, so that you could pull some little prank?!” Soarin’ said, a look of disbelief on his face.
“It’s not a little prank Dad,” Blitz huffed. He formed a cheeky smile and started giggling. “It’s a big one, hehehehe! I pranked hehehehe the whole fair, or at least most of it. Anypony hehehe who went into the clouds got covered in soda, which got them covered in ants. Hehehehe, the looks on their faces! Priceless, hahahehehe!”
Soarin’s stern gaze stopped the laughter immediately. Rainbow Blitz sat down and looked at the ground, not daring to make eye contact.
“I-I’m sorry, Daddy. I just thought it’d be funny, and nopony got hurt. Fluttershy once told me that worker ants can’t bite through our coat, so I just thought it’d be a riot to ruffle the feathers of some of these snooty Canterlot snobs. I’m sorry for wasting your money, and the soda.”
Soarin’s gaze remained stoic. That has to be one of the cleverest pranks I’ve ever seen. Man, Dashie would be really proud… no! You can’t laugh or tell him how awesome it was! You have to teach him a lesson. You have to be a strong father who makes sure his boy grows up to be responsible and knows to treat other ponies right.
“And?”
“I’m sorry for ruining the fair for other ponies.”
“Aaaaand?”
Soarin’ developed a fierce glare that led to an unintended consequence.
“I-I’m really s-sorry for lying to that p-pony just so that I could pull off my s-stupid prank,” Blitz sobbed, tears starting to fall down his cheeks.
Soarin’ angry gaze crumbled into panic at his son’s display. Oh no no! Too far, too far! Gotta think. C’mon Soarin’ think!
Soarin’ picked his crying son up and stammered any conceivable solution he could think of.
“Who wants ice cream?”
Rainbow Blitz continued crying. Horseapples! That one always works! Oh man, there’s gotta be something he wants…
“How about some funnel cake?”
The sobbing remained unfazed.
“Soda? Milkshake? Games? Rides?”
Each bribe met the same result. Rainbow Blitz bawled while Soarin’ continued to panic. Oh man if the tabloids see this! Wait! What kind of dad am I? Who CARES what the tabloid publishes? Get it together Soarin’, you scared the feathers off your kid. Oh man, what would Rainbow Dash do?
Soarin’ thought back to all of Rainbow Blitz’s tantrums, desperately searching for an answer. There was that time when… no he got a spanking for that. Well how about… no, he got sent to his room and grounded after he did that. Poor Shining Armor, his hair never really did grow back the same way after that. Man, this is even worse than that time he thought there were monsters under the bed… wait a minute…
“Shhhh shhhh Blitzy, it’s okay,” Soarin’ whispered gently. Pulling Blitz into a hug, he stroked the back of his head gently. “Daddy’s not mad at you. Everything’s going to be okay.”
Rainbow Blitz’s sobs faded into whimpers. Soarin’ wiped the tears off his cheeks while giving him the gentlest smile he could form.
“B-but I ruined the fair for some ponies. I even lied to the weather patroller, and M-Mom always said that lying was really wrong.”
“The important thing is that you know what you did was wrong, Blitzy.” Soarin’ explained. Wow, I don’t ever think I’ve seen him actually sorry for one of his pranks.
“Besides,” he continued. “It’s not like anypony got hurt. A good shower will take care of their problem. And lying is wrong, but you made another pony feel good about himself, whether you meant to or not.”
Rainbow Blitz gave his father a small smile. Sniffling, he wiped the last of his tears away. “I guess when you put it that way, it wasn’t so bad after all.”
“Bad? Bad?” Blitz flinched, expecting the worst. Soarin’ chuckled. “Best prank I’ve seen in a long time if you ask me.”
Blitz looked at his father in bewilderment before bursting out laughing. Soarin’ joined in with his bellowing goofy laugh, creating a sharp juxtaposition with his son’s higher pitch.
Rainbow Dash left the Canterlot Fair as stealthily as she had entered. Her nap had been short-lived after a guilty conscience told her to make sure her little rogue hadn’t caused too much of a catastrophe. Dash arrived just in time to see Rainbow Blitz crying, as well as her husband’s faltering. She told herself to see how Soarin’ handled the situation, despite every motherly impulse in her body screaming at her to rush to her baby’s side and comfort him. Rainbow Dash wiped her eyes with a foreleg after witnessing the scene play out. It’s… it’s just the dust. If anypony asks, it’s just the dust. Those two… I just…
Dash’s eyes lit up as an idea crossed her mind. It’s been so many years… but I have a feeling it needs to be done.
As quickly as the thought entered her mind, Rainbow Dash vanished in a blur as she sped toward the heart of Canterlot.
The two pale blue ponies sat at the top of the Ferris wheel, rocking back and forth in gentle swings as the sun began to set in several shades of orange and pink. Rainbow Blitz munched happily on his cotton candy, the first sugary treat he actually consumed at the fair. Pink tufts matted his coat around the muzzle, dissolving as his tongue reached around to clear them. Soarin’ watched the process with a cherished smile. His gaze caught his son’s attention, who stopped snacking long enough to speak up.
“Do you want some of my cotton candy, Daddy?” Soarin’ flinched slightly at the offer. “It’s okay,” he paused, looking around the airspace to make sure nopony was flying around. “I won’t tell Mom or anypony,” he whispered.
Soarin’ chuckled and ruffled Blitz’s hair.
“Naaaa, it’s okay champ. The doctor and your mom are both right; I really shouldn’t be having too much sugar.”
“Yeah, I guess it would be embarrassing to get too fat to fly for the Wonderbolts,” Blitz commented, licking the last bits of pink fluff off of the cardboard cone.
“Hey, I’m not the one eating fluffy pink sugar on a stick, Blitzy” Soarin’ retorted indignantly.
“But you have before! Mom’s told me stories. She said the worst was when you and Auntie Pinkie Pie had a pie-eating contest. I asked her what happened, but she said she didn’t wanna scare me for life? I think she said scare, but she said it all weird-like. Kind’ve like a… a pirate.”
“You mean scar you for life?” Soarin’ corrected him, amused by his son’s descriptions, as well as the story behind it.
“Yeah! That! I told Mommy that she didn’t have to be scared of that anymore cuz you’re old and old ponies get fat when they eat too much sweets.”
Ignoring the glower his father gave him, he grinned up at his father.
“What’s for dinner?”
Soarin’ stared in disbelief at his gluttonous son.
“Food already? You just inhaled that cotton candy, Blitzy!”
“But I’m huuuuungry Dad!” Blitz whined. “Besides, cotton candy melts. Have you ever heard of anypony getting full from eating too much cotton candy?”
“I… I can’t say that I have,” Soarin’ admitted. He raised an eyebrow as he watched his son force a smile that was almost too big for his face. “What do you want?”
“Oh! Nothing…” Blitz cooed.
“Uh-huh. Spit it out, Blitzy.”
“Well… we could just eat at home tonight, if you want,” Blitz said in a convincingly timid voice. Keeping his head down, he looked up at Soarin’ through the top corners of his eyes. “I haven’t gotten to eat something from home in awhile is all.”
“Oh…,” Soarin’ said, pinning his ears back in guilt. I guess it’s been awhile since the poor kid’s had a home cooked meal. We usually order takeout cuz of practice. Rainbow Blitz’s unfaltering and expecting gaze broke Soarin’ from his thoughts. He gave his son a warm smile and ruffled his hair.
“Sure thing, buddy. What do you want me to-“
“Waffles!” Blitz interrupted excitedly. “The ones with berries and razzes and stuff!”
Soarin’ drew back in surprise.
“You mean my secret razzleberry waffles?”
His son nodded his head rapidly. “Yeah, those! You made them for Mom on Mother’s Day and she let me have one.”
“B-but that was over a year ago,” Soarin’ stammered in disbelief. “You were only three, how could you-“
“Hey, I was almost four!” Rainbow Blitz huffed, closing his eyes and turning his nose up in indignation. Blushing slightly, he cracked one eye open and looked at his father. “I remember things I like, okay? Though we didn’t get to eat them this year cuz…” he paused, sighing as he released his posture and slumped into his seat. “You guys had another show to do.”
Soarin’ was taken aback by his son’s look of defeat. The scene triggered a flood of memories, flashing back to the several broken promises he had promised to keep.
“Horseapples, Soarin’! Let me go, I need to fly!”
“Not a chance, Dashie!” he grunted, restraining his very pregnant wife. “You’re over ten months pregnant and the foal could come early.”
Rainbow Dash stopped struggling and groaned.
“Oh maaaaan, has it really been that long? I’ve got to be the worst. Mother. Ever! The kid’s not even born yet and I’m already putting it in danger.”
“Better now than after the kid can remember,” Soarin’ replied cheekily. His wife didn’t share his amusement. “Hey now, we’re gonna be great parents. Just you watch. We’ll teach our kid how to fly, and we’ll pick her up from school, and we’ll help her with her homework and tell her bedtime stories! It’s gonna be so much fun Dashie!”
“I’ve heard a lot of things about parenthood Soarin, but fun was never on that list,” Rainbow Dash deadpanned. She raised an eyebrow in amusement. “You think it’s gonna be a filly?”
“W-well yeah,” he replied. “Don’t you?”
“Heck no!” Dash retorted. “The way this kid’s been makin’ me eat has me completely sold that it’s a colt. No filly EXCEPT mayyyyybe Pinkie Pie would eat that much.”
“Just watch, I bet you it’s a filly,” Soarin’ muttered.
“Was that a bet I just heard, loverboy?”
Soarin’ shrunk back. Shaking his head at his submission, he fixed his posture and stood tall. “It sure was!”
“All right then, let’s make it interesting,” Dash said, bringing herself muzzle to muzzle with him. “If it’s a boy, I get to name him and you have to make me razzleberry waffles for Mother’s Day.” She paused, tapping her chin in thought. “And you have to go to a sleep clinic to take care of your snoring.”
“And if it’s a girl?”
“Then you get to name her, and I. Will.” Dash paused her murmuring. She stretched her neck past her husbands face until her muzzle could whisper the end of her sentence into his ear. Soarin’s entire face flushed red as he looked at his wife in surprise.
“Do we have a bet?” Rainbow cooed.
“Definitely.”
Snapping back to reality, Soarin’ blinked back any tears that might stray. Now wasn’t the time to beat himself up for his mistakes as a father. He ruffled his son’s hair and gave him the most genuine smile he could muster.
“Sure thing, kiddo.”
Rainbow Blitz let out an involuntary squeal and threw his front legs around Soarin’s neck, nuzzling him with three distinct motions. Soarin’ swallowed the lump in his throat as another flood of memories hit him.
“Open wide, Blitzy! Here comes the applesauce!”
The foal happily obliged, yanking the utensil from Soarin’s hoof as he devoured the spoonful of sauce. Discovering that metal was not tasty or edible, he angrily spat it out next to his makeshift seat on the countertop. His father laughed hysterically at the scene and grabbed the spoon, giving Rainbow Blitz seconds.
“Who’s a hungry little guy?” Soarin’ baby-talked. “Who’s a hungry little cutie wutie? Who’s my little Rainbow Blitzy witzy? Who-“
His gushing was interrupted by the sound of a familiar chuckle. Soarin’ turned to look out the window, meeting the gaze of a very amused Spitfire.
“Having fun there, Soar’?”
“Hiya Spitfire! Watcha doin’ over here?” He asked obliviously.
“To see the baby, featherbrains. It’s been a month and nopony, not even the paparazzi, has seen him yet,” she said, shaking her head. Spitfire swooped into the house and landed with a puff on the cloud floor. She raised an eyebrow at Soarin’s indifference to her presence as he continued feeding the baby, a large goofy smile on his muzzle the whole time. “Well now, Soarin’. Whodda' thought? I mean we all knew it was coming, but to see it really is something else. You’re a father now.”
“Awww it’s the best, Spitfire. He’s everything I imagined, and more!”
“He has your coat,” she said, inspecting the little foal. “And your eyes.”
“Yeah, but it’s his mother’s mane and tail that everypony will recognize.”
“Well, I hope you two can find a good babysitter; we need you back in practice as soon as possible.”
Soarin’s smile faded as he let out a sigh. “Yeah, I know.”
“Speaking of which,” Spitfire continued. “Where’s the missus?”
“Oh, she’s taking a nap. Dashie was up all night trying to get Rainbow Blitz back to sleep after he woke up crying. I’d have done it but I… well…”
“She couldn’t wake you up?”
Soarin’ blushed and smiled sheepishly. “Hey I’d have woken up… eventually. Besides, it can’t hurt for him to spend some quality time with his daddy.”
He picked the foal up, giving him a big sloppy kiss. Spitfire cringed, expecting the baby to cry. She relaxed as Rainbow Blitz began giggling instead, encouraging a warm smile to overtake her face. The foal nuzzled Soarin’ with three motions before releasing a heavy yawn. It seemed contagious; before long, Soarin’ began yawning as well.
“Well it looks like naptime for the boys, so I’ll catcha’ guys later. Be sure to say hi to Rainbow Dash for me when she wakes up.” Spitfire spoke up as she walked to the window. With a single graceful leap, she flew out the window and off into the atmosphere. Soarin’ glided to a plush cloud chair, cradling his groggy son the whole time. With a plop, he landed, disrupting Rainbow Blitz’s sedated state. Before the foal could protest, his father began rocking the two back and forth, using the cloud’s natural elasticity to create a gentle sway. Father and son alike began to close their eyes as their vision faded, sleep taking them away from the conscious world.
“Daddy? Daaaaaaaaaaaddy! Equestria to Dad, the ride is over now, but I think we have bigger problems than that…”
Rainbow Blitz’s raspy voice brought his father back to the present. Unfortunately, the present included a swarm of paparazzi ponies that had gathered at the ride’s exit to corner the celebrity family. Soarin’ reacted quickly, grabbing Blitz with his front legs and taking off faster than anypony present could react to. The photographers that could fly attempted to take pursuit, only to be stopped by aerial security. It wouldn’t be the first time they had helped members of the celebrity flight squad. Once Soarin’ determined that the two were a safe distance from the cameras, he released his hold, allowing his son to glide lazily at his side.
“You know Blitzy, I could always cook something to go with the waffles. I could pop some hayfries in the oven and-“
“NO!” Blitz shrieked. Soarin’s crestfallen expression made him regret his outburst. “I mean… no way would hayfries go with waffles. You don’t have to use the oven, Daddy.”
“I didn’t mean to set the oven on fire Blitzy!”
“I-I know, it’s just that anything else just can’t compare to your waffles, you know? No need to waste food.” Rainbow Blitz recovered, his confident smile doing its best to convince Soarin’. “No need to set the whole house on fire, either,” he muttered under his breath.
Rainbow Blitz chomped down happily on the last bite of his waffle, syrup dripping from his chin as it joined the sticky puddle on his plate. Soarin’ skipped the process of adding toppings to his waffles, instead opting to take a bite and proceed to drizzle syrup straight from the bottle into his mouth. He shook a whipped cream can, adding the topping to join the half chewed sticky mess. Happy for the sugary dinner, Soarin’ contently chewed on his food, savoring the sweet tastes. His bliss was interrupted as an empty, sticky plate was slid under his nose. Rainbow Blitz looked at him with large, expecting eyes.
“Another waffle, Blitzy? That’ll be your third one!”
“You’re on your fifth Dad!”
“Yeah, well I’m bigger than you so I get more,” Soarin’ protested, whipped cream falling from his snout. He complied, placing another waffle on the sticky plate and slid it back toward his son using a stained foreleg. Raspberries and huckleberries plastered his fur, evidence of both his cooking and consumption. Rainbow Blitz didn’t fair any better. His fur stuck out in various places, berries of both varieties smeared over his face and mane from his messy eating. Both of their pale blue coats were stained various shades of fuscia and indigo, though they managed to keep the actual kitchen itself relatively clean. Blitz had volunteered to help clear the mess the cooking had created. Rainbow Dash was one pony neither of the two wanted to anger.
“Yeah, you’re bigger alright,” Blitz said cynically, jabbing his father in the gut for emphasis. He returned his attention to the razzleberry waffles, his eyes closed in smug confidence over his small verbal victory. Soarin’ started to glare threateningly until his eyes wandered to the whipped cream. Grabbing the can with a forehoof, he shook it and spoke out with an innocent tone.
“Would you like some whipped cream, Rainbow Blitz?”
“I already put some-“
*Phhhhhhssssst*
Blitz squealed as the whipped topping sprayed on top of his head. Soarin’ clutched the spray can in his hoof, smiling slyly as his son gawked at him in mute shock. His look of astonishment faded into a mischievous grin. Rainbow Blitz grabbed another can and shook it, popping the cap off as he flew at Soarin’.
“It is on now Dad!”
Soarin’ ducked instinctively as he heard the unmistakable sound of whipped cream being released from the can. Confusion crawled over his face as none of the topping flew overhead. Turning his attention back to Rainbow Blitz, Soarin’ gasped as the colt, now covered in more whipped cream than before, dive-bombed straight into him.
*Splat*
The whipped dairy topping scattered everywhere as Blitz kamikaze’d into his father. Both pegasus ponies skidded across the floor, creating a frothy trail on top of the clouds. Soarin’ slowly propped himself off the kitchen floor with a groan, dazed by the impact. Panic ebbed into his mind; he frantically looked around the kitchen, unable to spot his son. His worries faded as large glob of whipped cream jumped up and shook itself, revealing a light blue coat and a spectral mane and tail. Soarin’ craned his neck down, inspecting Rainbow Blitz for any signs of bruising or other injuries. Blitz looked up, his nose touching his father’s, and both sets of emerald eyes met. A smile crept across Soarin’s face and he began chuckling. His mild laughter was soon joined by Rainbow Blitz’s giggling, both sitting down as they laughed. Soarin’ allowed himself to calm down and steal a glance around the kitchen before wiping a tear from his eye.
“What do you say we get this mess cleaned up, Blitzy?”
Whipped cream dripped from Soarin’s mane, splattering onto Rainbow Blitz’s face. Two green eyes popped up from a layer of white, blinking away the dairy topping. Soarin’ scratched the back of his neck with a forehoof, a guilty smile laden on his muzzle.
“Aaaaand we should probably take a bath while we’re at it.”
“I can scrub my own back, Dad!” Rainbow Blitz whined.
“Yeah, you can, but if you do you’ll still have berries in your feathers,” Soarin’ retorted. He sat behind Blitz in the tub with a loofa in hoof, warm water rising barely above his flank. His son was up to his chin in water, blowing angry bubbles into the tub as the abrasive sponge scraped his fur and feathers the wrong way. Squinting his eyes, Soarin’ concurred that the stains had been properly removed from his little sons back and proceeded to use the loofa to stroke his plumage and coat in the right direction. Hoofsteps alerted the two to another presence in the bathroom. Turning their necks, Soarin’ and Blitz saw a smiling Rainbow Dash shaking her head in amusement. Her trademark saddlebag adorned her back, clasped shut by a seal resembling her cutie mark.
“You won’t even let the kid scrub his own back, Soarin’?”
“Mommy!” Blitz squealed, jumping out of the tub with a splash. Shaking himself off, he leapt into Rainbow Dash’s waiting forelegs, pulling himself into a sentimental, soggy hug, nuzzling into her fur. Dash cued Soarin’ with a dramatic wink. She looked down and addressed her affectionate son.
“Was a day with Dad really that bad, Rainbow Blitz?”
Blitz released himself and hovered at eye level, clasping Rainbow Dash’s cheeks with his forehooves.
“Bad? Bad?” he shouted. Enthusiasm laced the colt’s tone and expression. “It was totally awesome! He taught me a ton about flying, saved me from the camera ponies, took me to the fair after a really yummy lunch, and made me razzleberry waffles! We even saved some for you.”
“I saw,” Rainbow Dash replied, giving her son a kiss on the cheek. “And that was totally awesome of you guys to do that for me.”
“Oh! And I got story time too,” Blitz piped up. Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow as Soarin’ shifted uncomfortably in the tub.
“Oh really now? What story was that?”
“O-oh, just another flying story. Isn’t that right, Rainbow Blitz?” Soarin’ said nervously, hoping his son would catch a clue. He didn’t.
“What’re you talking about, Dad? It was about all that drama that happened when Mom got pregnant.”
“Really, Soarin’?” Rainbow Dash deadpanned. “You couldn’t pick a more embarrassing story about me?”
“I-uh, well you see I,” Soarin’ stuttered, unable to come up with an answer that would appease his wife. Her saddlebags caught his eyes’ attention. They lit up, hopefully finding a way out of his predicament.
“What’s in the saddlebags?” Soarin’ asked, desperately trying to change the subject. “I didn’t see you leave with those this morning.”
“You didn’t see me leave this morning at all, you big goof,” she responded dryly. “You were still sleeping quite soundly when I was heading out, so I decided to set your alarm clock for Annoyance O’ Clock.” She smirked as her husband’s expression fell into disgruntlement.
“If you must know,” she continued, looking at Rainbow Blitz this time and prodding him with a hoof. “I saw your little fiasco at the Canterlot Fair this afternoon. At first I was gonna step in and fix everything like mommies always do. But then I thought, ‘hey, what if I just step back and see what happens when Soarin’ has to fix a problem where bribing doesn’t work?’”
Soarin’ flushed as he used his hoof to make circular motions in the water, desperately avoiding eye contact from his family. Rainbow Dash grinned.
“I was so impressed with what I saw that I thought Princess Celestia might like to hear what you two learned today. I mean, it’s been yeaaaaars since any of us sent her a friendship report, and while it’d be more of a father-son report, I… well… you get what I mean. Point is, she agreed and wants each of you to write a report on what you learned today, and I want to deliver them. Got it?”
Soarin’ and Rainbow Blitz nodded obediently.
“Hey Mommy,” Blitz said, drawing her attention to him. “What’s birth control?”
The moonlit, tranquil atmosphere of the night sky was shattered by a piercing shriek.
“SOOOOOOOOOOOARIN’!”
Soarin’ sat in a rocking chair, tilting back as he finished the last characters in his letter to the princess. Rainbow Blitz worked on the floor, scribbling furiously as he signed off the letter. He stuffed the scroll into an envelope, licked the seal and placed it on a simple coffee table. Throwing his pencil down, Blitz pointed at his father with a smug grin.
“Ha! I finished my letter first Dad!”
“Nu uh,” Soarin’ teased back. “I finished a good second before you.” He placed his envelope on the table alongside Rainbow Blitz’s.
“Did not!”
“Oh yeah?” Soarin’ said playfully. Grabbing his son, he blew a raspberry into the colt’s tummy, forcing him to laugh uncontrollably.
“Hahahaha okay! Okay hehehehehe!” He could barely speak between fits of laughter. “Hahahaha, you finished first! Please hahahahaha stop!”
Soarin’ ceased his tickle torture with a smug grin and placed Blitz on his lap. He eyed the envelopes, his curiosity peaking for whatever message Rainbow Blitz had inscribed.
“Soooo, what’d you write to the Princess, Blitzy?” He asked whimsically.
“Stuff.” Blitz replied dryly, his cheeks forming a faint blush. As Soarin’ reached for the envelope, Rainbow Blitz jabbed him in the gut with an elbow.
“You don’t get to read mine unless I get to read yours!” He pouted. “It’s not fair.”
Soarin’ blinked and smiled, withdrawing his hoof. Leaning back, he began humming a familiar tune and started to rock back and forth. Soarin’ cradled his son from instinct as nostalgic memories resurfaced, much to the colt’s annoyance.
“What’re you doing?” Blitz asked accusingly.
Soarin’ paused for a second before continuing the rhythmic rocking motion. He swallowed the lump in his throat.
“I always used to rock you to sleep with a lullaby when you were a foal,” he said with a sad smile. Soarin’ cleared his throat and began the gentle tune he had been humming before.
“~Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to lay your sleepy head. Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to go to bed~”
“I’m not a foal anymore, Daddy,” Blitz interrupted. A painful silence followed; the two locked eyes, four pools of emerald breaming with overflowing emotions. Rainbow Blitz broke the contact as he closed his eyes and gave a small smile. Nuzzling into Soarin’s chest, he continued. “I didn’t ask you to stop.”
Soarin’ blinked back tears as he beamed with fatherly love. Any remaining guilt he had felt that day fleeted away, and he began the rocking motion once again.
“~Drifting, off to sleep, the exciting day behind you. Drifting off to sleep, let the joy of dream land find you…”
Rainbow Dash scraped the last crumbs off of her plate with her tongue. While her family had left her plenty of razzleberry waffles, plenty wasn’t enough for a daredevil deprived of her favorite breakfast meal, regardless of when it was eaten. Trotting out of the kitchen, she bounded down the hallway, eager to finish her day. Dash entered the living room in a gallop, only to skid to a halt at the scene before her.
Soarin’ slept sitting up, his head lolled onto a shoulder. A foreleg draped over their sleeping son, his muzzle resting gently on his father’s chest. Dash tip-hoofed across the room, gingerly picking up the letters without making a sound. She retreated the same way, turning around once to take in the scene and imprint it into her memory. Well, maaaaybe I want more than just memory…
Neither pegsus pony stirred from their slumber as a flashing light went off, capturing the moment forever.
Princess Celestia turned to blow her lamp out for the night. As she drew breath, a knock on her door ceased the air and turned her head. Her horn sparked with magic, taking on its signature yellow aura. The door opened gently, revealing a tired, but happy cyan pegasus. Rainbow Dash pulled two envelopes from her saddlebags, allowing Celestia to take them with her magic.
“Sorry for being so late, Princess. I grabbed a bite to eat and…” she scratched the back of her head as she flashed a guilty smile. “I guess I sort’ve lost track of time. Hehehe…”
“That’s quite all right, Rainbow Dash,” Celestia replied courteously. “I’m in the mood for a good late night reading. Did your son enjoy his day as much as you had hoped?”
“That and more! Though I do wish Soarin’ had picked a different story for ‘story time’. One with less…” She flushed, spitting out the last word. “Hormones.”
Celestia fought back laughter, struggling to maintain a composed look.
“Oh! Well, you were the first mare in a long time to feel the full effects of pregnancy. It’s a good example that overdependence on unicorn magic can rob us of the miracles of nature.” She paused, giving Dash a coy smile.
“Or that excessive lying makes everypony involved miserable.” She waved a forehoof. “Go on, get a good night’s rest, you’ve earned it. I do hope to see you again soon. I’ve missed my Elements of Harmony quite dearly, but I’m so glad to see you all with happy homes of your own.”
Rainbow Dash bowed before taking her leave, allowing the Princess to unseal both envelopes and reveal the scrolls contained. She turned her gaze to the one closest to her, the beautiful penmanship drawing her attention.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned a lot about my Dad. I mean a lot a lot. I learned just how cool he can be in his own way, even if he’s a big goof sometimes. Or all the time. But it doesn’t matter. He’s a really good flier, a better teacher, and he’s even better at storytelling than Auntie Pinkie Pie! I guess what I learned today is that sometimes we don’t think some ponies can impress us at all, but when you give them a chance they can be better than whatever you wished they really were like.
I also learned that I can talk to my Mom and Dad about anything. Like how I miss them a lot cuz I don’t get to see them for most of the day. Or how I wait at home for them cuz nopony at school wants to me friends with me.
Celestia frowned at the information. She made a mental note to bring up the topic later and continued reading.
But it’s okay, cuz sometimes they get to stay at home with me, or pick me up when I sneak off to Ponyville.
Wanna know something? But you have to Pinkie Promise that you won’t tell. I had fun not being cool today. I had a lot of fun not being cool today. And you wanna know something else? I don’t think I wanna grow up fast anymore. I’m gonna listen to my Daddy and give hugs and kisses when I want to and cry when I feel like it. Well, maybe not in public. Ponies still gotta think I’m cool, even if I like not being cool sometimes. Or a lot of times. Whatever.
Rainbow Blitz
Celestia smiled and placed her hoof over her heart, making two slash motions before resting it on her eye. She placed the other scroll on top and began reading.
Dear Princess Celestia
Today I learned a lot about fatherhood. I don’t think I was ready for it when it began five years ago, but I guess nopony really is. A child isn’t something you can just feed, send to school, and come back to at Six O’ Clock and expect everything to be okay. A child needs to know he’s loved, and it isn’t always easy to tell when he’s suffering. Rainbow Blitz waits at home for FIVE HOURS while we’re at work, staying at home, and I never knew.
Celestia gaped in muted shock, but continued reading.
I never asked. I must be the worst father in the world to never even ask what he did for all that time. I just assumed asking how his day was and receiving “good” as an answer would be enough, just as I assumed he’d be really popular at school because of us.
Boy, was I wrong. They all hate him, just because they’re jealous of his heritage. Can you believe that? They won’t even give him a chance because his parents are celebrities. I’d like to request an amendment to the Wonderbolts code that requires complete seclusion during our practices. I want to bring Rainbow Blitz to work, or rather I’d like for him to come to our practices after he’s done with school. I don’t want him to be alone anymore, and if the kids in his class won’t make friends with him, then I just hope we can be there for him, even when we’re busy at work.
I also learned that not all problems can be bribed away. Sometimes the best, and only thing we can do to comfort our children is show them true love and affection. Everypony needs to feel loved, children especially. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes as a father, but I can’t beat myself up over the past. Nopony is perfect, and there are plenty of ponies that are worse fathers than me. There are also plenty of ponies that are better fathers than me. All I can do is try and make Rainbow Blitz happy, and the only way to do that is to focus on the present. Thank you for your time, and with all due respect, I hope to hear a response to my request for an amendment.
Your faithful subject,
Soarin’
Celestia smiled lovingly at the letters, tucking them away with the friendship reports from past years that she had grown fond of rereading. Pulling out a blank scroll with her yellow magic, the ancient alicorn began scribing official decrees. She chuckled at her writing.
“Spitfire’s going to throw a fit, but I do know that little colt will love watching them fly.”
The End?
Next Time...
Soarin’ broke into a cold sweat and looked at his wife, paranoid that she overheard their son.
“What do you want?” he whispered back.
“Longer flight lessons,” Blitz murmured. He tapped his chin in contemplation. “And mini-golf. My friends said it was fun.”
................
“I was born ready,” Rainbow Blitz barked. “Now let’s quit yakkin’ and start snackin’!”
................
“In a second, Mom,” a gruff voice responded. “I’m casting a spell that hypnotizes these snakes into thinking they’re rabbits. Hehehe, you should see the looks on their faces when they see each other, hahahaha.”
................
“Surprise isn’t a girl,” Capricorn grumbled. “She’s a demon in filly skin.”
................
She walked up to him and got dangerously close, her eyes half-lidded in determination.
"Well hellooooo there, mah delicious zap apple cutie. Did ya'll come all this distance just to visit me?"
