"If she had not finished, I do not believe it is reasonable that we would..." said Princess Luna, her voice trailing off as she noticed her sister's eyes glazing over.
Princess Celestia snapped back to attention. "I'm having a hard time following you, Luna. You're not going to make a proper ambassador until you drop your resistance to using informal speech."
"Why can't you use contractions?" asked Raven, Celestia's secretary.
"I have mild dyslexia," said Luna. "Contractions are... confusing, to my mind."
"They're distinct words, linguistically. You need them for clarity," said Celestia. "Raven, could you teach her?"
"I'll do my best," said Raven.
Two weeks passed. Celestia went to check up on her sister in the study.
Inside, Raven was a mess. Her mane was tangled and she seemed exhausted. Luna, however, was smiling.
Three little alicorn sisters played together in the caverns of Tartarus.
The game was hide and peek. Theia was "the hider", Luna was "the peeker", and Celestia was "the finder".
"You're getting warmer," said Luna, as Celestia stepped past a crevasse.
"You said that when I went the other way!" whined Celestia.
Hidden in a narrow tunnel beneath the surface, Theia suppressed a giggle.
"Now you're colder," said Luna.
Celestia frowned. There were too many shadows to see well in here. She gripped a familiar object with her magic and pulled it into the caves. Luna shielded her eyes as her sister moved the Sun around.
"Warmer!" said Luna. "You're hot!"
The Sun hovered near the entrance to Theia's tunnel, then pressed against it.
"You're burning up!"
There was a faint screaming sound, followed by silence.
"Oops," said Celestia.
Two little alicorn sisters played together in the caverns of Tartarus.
"I never have," said Maud Pie, currently glued to a large pillar of stone.
"Challenge accepted," said Queen Chrysalis. "You're not the only filly we captured." She motioned, and her changelings brought out Pinkie Pie.
"Pinkie," said Maud. "Let her go. This is your only warning."
"It's okay Maud," said Pinkie, wiping her own wet and bleary eyes. "I can cry enough for both of us."
Chrysalis grinned, leaning in toward Maud's face. "And she will! We'll see how much torture she can take before your waterworks turn on."
Maud shifted her shoulders.
A crack sounded. An enormous segment of pillar split off in Maud's forehooves. Another crack sounded, but with a chitinous ring to it. Chrysalis lay sprawled unconscious as her changelings fled.
"I knew you'd save me," cried Pinkie, hugging her sister close.
Maud simply nodded and surreptitiously wiped a tear from one eye.
Twilight Sparkle Falls in Love with Moondancer (by Moondancer)
One day, Twilight Sparkle sat down and calculated the optimal characteristics for her ideal partner. Those characteristics were:
* likes books * enjoys magic and research * is not quite as much of a dork as she is * brilliant * unconcerned with fashion because sweaters are just fine * would be willing to tolerate Twilight * is Moondancer
To Twilight's surprise, only one pony met all of her very scientific criteria! That pony was Moondancer.
"But Moondancer is a mare," said naive, unthinking Twilight.
Fortunately, Moondancer overheard this foalishness and stepped in to save her friend from being illogical.
"We are 97.3% compatible," pointed out helpful Moondancer. And then to illustrate this she kissed her dorky friend and it was NOT gross.
"Thank you for lesbianing me," said Twilight.
(And even if this didn't really happen, Moondancer wrote it as a fictional story and sent it directly to Twilight by Spike-gram.)
"Turn it down? It's hardly boiling!" growled Ember, rubbing her claws around the magical orb. The spa in the Castle of Friendship cooled just enough to stop bubbling.
Thorax tapped a chitinous hooftip into the liquid, then winced. "I hate to be picky, but..."
Ember rolled her eyes and lowered the temperature to a mild scald.
"Ah! This works," said Thorax, slipping into the uncomfortable heat.
"Pfft. This is colder than a bushfire," complained Ember.
"It's a compromise," said Thorax. "Kinda like a friendship lesson."
"Well, friendship is chilly and annoying," said Ember. "How am I supposed to enjoy this if I can't get warm—"
A deft kiss of pliable chitin, faster than the Dragon Lord could react, sent an unusual warmth flooding into her cerulean cheeks. Ember's wings flew up, sending hot water splashing.
"Did that help...?" asked Thorax.
Ember paused. "A little, yeah. Maybe... we could try a few more?"
"Even in death, Rarity's generosity shines brighter than the Sun. Her preparations as an organ donor saved many lives," said Sweetie Belle, standing in front of her beautiful sister's crystal coffin.
In the front row, Twilight Sparkle whispered to Pinkie Pie. "Thanks for an amazing job on short notice! I didn't realize you knew taxidermy."
"With all those organs missin', how'd you fill 'er up?" whispered Applejack. "Please say it ain't cake batter in there."
"Don't be silly," Pinkie whispered back, rolling her eyes. "I'll never tell. Trade secrets!"
Sweetie leaned down. As tears blanketed her cheeks, she pressed her face to her sister's chest. A soft 'pop' echoed, and confetti shot out of Rarity's nose and mouth.
Everypony gasped. An uncomfortable silence followed.
Slowly, Sweetie Belle lifted her head. She was still crying, but had a bright smile on her muzzle.
"Thank you, Pinkie. Rarity would have loved that."
Princess Twilight Sparkle was writing an official proclamation on proper book-binding care when Pinkie Pie entered her study.
"Twilight! Thank goodness!" said Pinkie Pie, panting rapidly. Her mane was a mess.
"Pinkie, what's wrong?" asked Twilight, setting down her quill.
"I think my farts might not smell like scrambled eggs and only a princess can help me!"
"Oh, well I'm glad... wait, what?"
"I always thought my farts smelled like delicious scrambled eggs, but I just remembered as a filly I had a book about ponies eating scrambled eggs—so maybe I farted while I was reading the book and got confused and the only way I can know is if somepony in a position of authority tells me!!!" she said, then gasped and turned around, lifting her tail in Twilight Sparkle's face.
"PINKIE, NO!"
Dear Princess Celestia,
Please find my crown enclosed. (I'm keeping the castle.)
Twilight Sparkle opened the door to find Pinkie Pie holding a small pink present wrapped in a purple bow.
"Happy fifty-three-days-from-your-birthday-day!" said Pinkie, pushing past Twilight into the castle foyer.
"That's a pretty strange occasion," said Twilight, with a smile. "But I appreciate the thought, and it's always great to see you."
Pinkie hoofed Twilight the present. Opening it, she found a gold watch. "This looks expensive, Pinkie! But why a watch?"
"Well, I was telling Rarity what a special friend you are and I wanted to know how I could show you just what you mean to me, and she said 'there's no present like the time' so I got you this!" said Pinkie, repeatedly tapping one hoof against the crystal flooring.
"I think she meant, 'there's no time like the present'," said Twilight.
Pinkie gasped. "Oh! In that case," she said, and kissed Twilight right on the lips.
Disco lights danced across the gymnasium as DJ PON-3 dropped another hot beat. Yet the students of Canterlot High hugged the walls, avoiding the dance floor altogether.
"I don't get it," said Applejack. "How come nobody's out there cuttin' a rug?"
Vice Principal Luna sighed. "Applejack, you were responsible for the decorations for the Midnight Formal, yes?"
"Yes'm," said AJ. "I meant for those balloons on the dance floor to be larger, but the party store was out so I just borrowed a hundred tiny ones from Pinkie's stash."
"You did not ask Pinkamena, I take it?" inquired Luna. Pinkie hid her face in her hands.
"Nah. Just figured I'd pay her back later," said Applejack.
Luna turned to Applejack's blushing friends. "Please clear the floor," she ordered.
As they set to work, Luna made a mental note to bring up the school's neglected sex education program with her sister.
Big Macintosh squirmed against his horse collar. Normally it was like a second skin, but not when out eating. Unfortunately, Granny was picky about what she'd let her grandson wear around her.
"Old-fashioned potato salad. Hold off the pepper!" ordered Granny.
Their waitress nodded. "And you?" she asked, without looking up.
"I'd like a Canter salad, please," said Mac, in a soft voice.
"Sure thing, miss." The waitress collected menus and looked up to see a large stallion. "Oh! I'm sorry, sir," she added, blushing.
Mac swallowed the unique mixture of joy and pain. "It's fine," he murmured, as she trotted away.
Granny took her grandson's hoof in hers and squeezed. Mac looked up to see a half-smile on her wrinkled muzzle.
"Sonny, I may not get it, but... maybe there's somethin' to that 'Orchard Blossom' nonsense after all," she admitted, patting his hoof.
