You'll find a rampaging army of Rainbow Dash's, a chaos dealing Fancy Pants, cute coughs resulting in cuddling, and more, all in the same place. It's no mad house, it's Mad Libs.
You'll find a rampaging army of Rainbow Dash's, a chaos dealing Fancy Pants, cute coughs resulting in cuddling, and more, all in the same place. It's no mad house, it's Mad Libs.
A collection of short, ~1,000 word self-contained snippets that are generated from submissions to the mad-lib event(s) I've held here on FimFiction. There is going to be little rhyme and reason between the individual snippets, but hopefully there is a little something for everyone to enjoy. Snippets will never be worse than a teen rating. Each snippet will also have one or more tags to help readers find ones they're interested in.
So far, this collection contains the results from one mad-lib event(s).
Chaos Marbles - [Slice of Life][Fancy Pants][Discord]
March 2016 Mad-Lib Submitter: Briarpelt Submission: This Comment Pre-read & Editing: Illustrious Q, Kirk Heller, Kevinltk
It was a day like most others in Canterlot. No grand disaster was threatening to plunge Equestria into anarchy. No villain loomed with their devilish plan to steal magic, love, or the power of friendship that united the nation. Teachers taught their students. Florists made flower arrangements. Merchants sold their wares, and through the streets, one peculiar form of transportation rumbled, peddled by the stallion who sat atop.
A bicycle, with a particularly large front wheel and an equally particularly itty-bitty back wheel, wove gingerly through the streets, narrowly dodging passersby and carts. The driver, a gray-coated and black-maned stallion in a fancy, black tailcoat, made eye contact with no passerby. He just continued to peddle, whistling a merry tune. To others, it looked like he was paying no attention to where he was going, but by some miracle, no accidents were caused. The only damage wrought were panicked hearts and young ears assaulted by the colorful curses being shouted in the cyclist’s direction.
Eventually, the cyclist left the hustle and bustle of Canterlot’s core and began to peddle through the tree-lined streets of its wealthiest neighborhood. Manors with lavish grounds, hidden behind high walls and imposing gates, lined the streets. These were the homes of lords, ladies, and business giants.
As the cyclist rode, the gate to one of the most prestigious manors began to open. A simple gesture, but the cyclist adjusted his course. Soon, he was pulling in through the gate, a unicorn attendant using magic to close the gates promptly behind the cyclist. The stallion rode to the front steps of the manor, dismounting and passing his transportation to one of the manor staff. The staff only gave the slightest nod before gingerly rolling the large-wheeled machine away from the drive while the stallion slipped in through the manor’s front doors.
~~~
“As orderly as always. I think that’s what I hate most about this room.”
The cyclist arrived in the manor’s parlor, furnished in all the decadence the finest of Canterlot could craft. The doors were pulled shut behind him by the manor staff, leaving the cyclist in the presence of only one other pony. He was sitting in a high back chair, holding a newspaper and a glass of some liquor on the rocks in the gentle glow of his unicorn magic.
“How was the velocipede? Did you enjoy your ride?” the unicorn asked, not looking up from his paper.
The cyclist tugged at the collar of his suit, and like steam escaping from a hot tea kettle, the stallion’s body began to pour, shift, and expand into a new shape. Hooves became claws and paws. Wings and horns sprouted and grew into their regular size. Lastly, the pony’s eyes yellowed as the pupils became a vibrant red.
Discord began to unbutton the suit top, grimacing at each button that showed even the slightest protest to his efforts. “It’s wonderful. I loved it like listening to one of Twilight Sparkle’s lectures.”
“Did you cause any wrecks?” the unicorn asked as he turned the page of the newspaper.
“No, no accidents, no chaos. I was a model gentlestallion. I just about vomited with how normal I was being,” Discord said as he picked a clothing hanger off a hook on the back of the door and began to hang up his clothes.
“Considering you have vomited in the past, I’ll consider that progress.” The unicorn neatly folded the newspaper he had been reading, setting it down on a small side table before taking a final sip from his liquor. Fancy Pants then stood, a gentle smile resting just beneath his perfectly proper mustache. “A lovely ride through Canterlot on a wheeled vehicle without major incident is just the sort of thing a proper and dignified creature is capable of.”
Discord placed the suit, which was delicately hung on its hanger, back on the hook on the door before turning to glare at Fancy Pants. “And I thought being reformed was going to be torture.”
“Oh, you may belly ache, but this… particular protocol for properness the princesses prescribed is just what you needed.” An involuntary gag squelched out of Discord’s throat as his face contorted to match his level of internal discomfort. It was a sight that made Fancy Pants chuckle just a little. “Apologies, I forgot what alliteration does to your stomach.”
“No, you didn’t.” Discord turned and held out his lion paw. He made a small beckoning gesture, the claws of his paw extending a little in irritation and eagerness.
“Yes, I know. You’ve got places to be and chaos to cause. I don’t intend to keep you.” Fancy Pants levitated a small box from the table, one Discord had seen opened dozens of times before. A box that was enchanted similar to a bag that Discord had never seen but knew was hidden somewhere in the manor. Fancy clicked open the box, and from within, withdrew two small spheres. They were like marbles, smooth glass, but the insides swirled with strange, cosmic, chaotic energy. “Here, you deserve a double dose today. Two marbles.”
Discord snatched at the marbles, crushing them in his paw and shivering as though a cold bucket of water had been dumped on his head. For the first time since he had arrived at the manor, he began to float in the air. A smile flicked on his face for just a moment, but then his expression settled back into a glare that was focused squarely on Fancy Pants. “How generous of you.”
Turning, Fancy began walking back towards his chair and his newspaper. “Good days are to be rewarded, especially when you’ve been such a dignified draconequus.”
“How long do you and Celestia intend to keep me on this leash?”
“It is not a leash. It is a refinement program. You are free to be who you are when it is on your own time. But when you are asked to represent Equestria in the future, we all need an assurance that you won’t cause an international incident. Besides, as I’ve pointed out before, you have nobody to blame but yourself.”
“A guy loses his marbles once and you ponies won’t let him forget it.” Discord began to drift towards the door. “So when can I get another hit from my dealer?”
“Two marbles should get you through the weekend.” Fancy Pants began unfolding the paper, giving it a sharp snap to give a posture appropriate for reading. “We’ll have your next lesson on Monday. Perhaps a nice stroll around the neighborhood with a good walking cane.”
“Gag me with the cane.” Discord raised his eagle claw and snapped it, disappearing from the parlor as Fancy poured himself just a little more of his liquor. He was still smiling as he went back to reading his paper, the chaotic departure just another part of his organized and well-planned day.
Greater Giant God - [Folktail][Fausticorn][Zecora]
Tirek was a prisoner of Tartarus, but not its original nor its most dangerous occupant. In comparison to some of the darker beings kept in the ancient dungeon, he was a juvenile delinquent that needed to be scared straight. Other villains of far greater power were chained even deeper within Tartarus’s caverns, buried and forgotten by the world. One such creature was Gilgamesh, Giant God of the Griffins.
Before there was an Equestria, a great griffin empire prayed to and were ruled by their god king Gilgamesh, a griffin of immense magical power. So vast in fact that he had grown to be the size of a house, just so his mortal coil could contain the vast energies he commanded.
He was a force of nature. When he roared, it thundered with the force and volume of a volcano erupting. His fire magic could lay waste to acres of land, turning everything to ash with the snap of his claw. None dared to oppose him directly, and even those that followed him feared for their lives on a daily basis. Ponies were enslaved beneath his rule, and he held the entire world in his claw.
Yet, one day, a messenger arrived, bringing a written challenge to the king and his power. The equine species of the world had endured enough, and a champion was selected.
Gilgamesh strode to the badlands that bordered his kingdom, the land where the equine slaves of his glorious empire scraped out what meager existence they could. He called out for the champion to come forward, and the ponies fled from the great and terrible enslaver. All except one, a single zebra who did not even flinch in the face of Gilgamesh’s booming voice.
She sat on a simple, wooden mat, shielded from the badland’s harsh sun by a carefully placed umbrella. She was deep in meditation and seemed not to take notice of Gilgamesh even as he glared at her. He demanded that if she was the equine’s champion, that she step forward and face him.
The zebra however denied the accusation. She was not the true champion. She did, however, offer to bring forth Gilgamesh’s challenger, but she would need to borrow a small thing from him. A small sample of his fire magic, the tiniest of flame.
Gilgamesh saw no danger in the zebra’s request, and with a snap of his claw, a small orb of fire appeared before the zebra, fueled solely by his magic.
The zebra finally opened her eyes, her hoof sweeping out to catch the orb of fire. She turned and juggled it, manipulating the flames while not being burned by them.
In the fire, the zebra saw all the evils Gilgamesh had ever committed. It was a window into his soul, the sample of his magic letting the zebra see the darkness of his heart. Sighing, the zebra offered her apologies to the great and horrible Gilgamesh. She had hoped there would be a chance for peace, but she saw no mercy in his heart. For the sake of the world, he would have to be imprisoned.
A roar of laughter erupted from Gilgamesh. He believed the zebra truly was the champion, and in his pride, offered her to strike the first blow. After all, how could such a small equine who seemed only capable of sitting and juggling fire hope to unseat him, Giant God of the Griffins?
Still, the zebra only closed her eyes, returning to her meditation. From a small satchel at her side, she withdrew a single blue flower, known for its playful tricks. With no fear for the flower, she stuck its cut stem into the badland dirt before her and began to chant a rhyme. She spoke of righteousness, harmony, and the power of friendship. She offered herself, all of her descendants, as well as nine thousand and one heads of cabbage that were stored in a nearby basement.
Through her chanting and the mystic nature of the blue flower, the zebra summoned a power greater than her own. While Gilgamesh, mortal sorcerer king, had given himself the title of being a god, the zebra knew that such power would always pale in comparison to a true lord of creation. A Greater Giant God appeared, manifesting from the sands of the badlands: a brilliant, white alicorn with a red mane from which flowed the life blood of all equines.
The equine goddess said no words, only summoned her magic and blasted Gilgamesh. He had offered the zebra one free attack, and one attack was all it had taken. By the power of the goddess, Gilgamesh was forced deep into the earth, her attack forming the cavern of Tartarus and providing its first prisoner.
Gilgamesh roared and Vowed curses upon the equines and their god, but soon, his protests were silenced by the sealing of Tartarus’s great doors for the first time. The evil sorcerer king was defeated, and the goddess took her offering of cabbages and an oath from the zebra. For as long as she and her descendents spoke in harmony, the great prison of Tartarus would remain strong. Their words and dedication would fuel the spells placed to hold Gilgamesh and all those that would come to be held by the great prison.
~~~
Pinkie Pie smiled as she finished her fable. “And that’s what I think is the reason why Zecora rhymes all the time. She’s the great, great, great, great descendant of that original zebra. Heck, maybe she even is that original zebra, and that for all this time, she or her bloodline has been ensuring all the baddies in Tartarus stay safely locked away.”
“Well, that is certainly one interesting interpretation of the Gilgamesh legend,” Twilight said, having listened to Pinkie Pie’s theory over a hayburger lunch. The party pony had even brought visual aids, a lot of crayon drawings with glitter. “I have one question, though.”
“Yes?”
“Why did you give all the characters on your pictures googly eyes?” Twilight pointed to one pair of eyes that had been glued onto the drawn face of the griffin.
“Because nothing is greater than giant googly gods.” Pinkie explained as she gave the illustration she was holding a little shake, causing all the googly eyes to bounce around.
Twilight could only roll her own eyes and chuckle. “I suppose that’s true enough for you, Pinkie Pie.”
Cute Coughing Cuddles - [Slice of Life][Rainbow Dash][Applejack]
Applejack tried to fight the tickle in her throat, the horrible itch that was building with each passing second. She would resist. She would not give into the temptation. She would keep herself perfectly composed like a stalwart apple tree. She just had to keep her eyes closed, keep her breathing steady and—
Cough
Biology beat out Applejack’s attempt at zen, her lungs convulsing as a whooping cough escaped her throat. With it came a ball of fuzz, as orange as the mare herself, which just manifested with the coughs as they came up her throat. AJ spat out the fuzz ball, one of many that now sat in a misshapen, spit-soaked pile next to her.
Another cough reverberated in the small space, but this one came from the mare that was the source of Applejack’s current irritation. Rainbow Dash spat up a fuzz ball, grumbling and cursing as she sat on the far side of the very clean, clinical, and empty room. Twilight’s magical mishap room was a recent addition to the crystal palace but was already proving it was worth the cost of renovation.
“And how are my patients doing?”
Applejack glanced to the small glass window in the room’s north wall where Twilight gave a little wave. “Hacking up hairballs, like we were a half an hour ago.”
Twilight forced a smile, though her ears flattened a little bit at the sound of irritation in Applejack’s voice. “Okay, so I think we can rule out that this is just going to work its way out of your systems. I’m sorry that crystal orb I was studying did this to you. Who knew it contained an ancient practical joke charm?”
“Wasn’t your fault, Twilight.” Applejack turned her head, her brow furrowing as she glared down Rainbow Dash. “You certainly weren’t the one horsing around with it like it was some bouncing rubber ball.”
“You could have told me to stop!” Rainbow barked back.
“I did tell you to stop. I specifically said, ‘Rainbow, stop bouncing that thing before ya break it!’”
“Shows what you know,” Rainbow said as she jumped into the air, hovering towards Applejack. “You said ‘y’all,” not ‘ya.’”
Applejack was forced to cough and spit out a particularly large ball of orange fuzz before she returned her glare to Rainbow. “You hard-headed bird brain! I do believe that the pronoun wasn’t the important part of what I was trying ta say. ”
“Girls, please, I know you're both frustrated, but I’ll get to the bottom of this,” Twilight said, trying to break up the fight without going into the quarantine room. The magical decontamination airlock still wasn’t fully operational. “I’ve already ruled out several possibilities of what the spell might be. Once I’ve finished my analysis, I’ll have an answer for you.”
“Is that all ya wanted to tell us?” Applejack asked. “Cause no news isn’t exactly good news right now, Sugarcube.”
“Well, I did need to come let you know I have to step out for a little bit.” Twilight held up a quill in front of the glass. “Broke my quill, and my backup one is missing. Shouldn’t be gone more than fifteen minutes, then it’s right back to researching a cure.”
“You don’t have a backup quill?” Applejack asked with a raised eyebrow.
“I know, I know, but all 1337 of the places where I keep backup quills were empty,” Twilight said. “I’m starting to wonder if that strange feather duster I saw Discord with the other day was made from my quills. Still, I’ll get to that mystery after I figure out what’s happening with you two. But for that, I need a quill to make notes with.”
“Guess there’s nothing to be done. But can’t you at least bring us some pillows or something? This floor is almost as hard as Rainbow’s head.”
“Hey,” Rainbow snapped. “You got something to say?”
“Yeah, and I’ll say it. Your hard head got us into this mess.”
“Hey, you were the one that thought it would be okay for us to wait for Twilight in her private study. I mean, come on, it’s not like you didn’t know I do stuff like this.” Rainbow crossed her hooves as she slowly flew back to her pile, coughing and spitting out another fuzz ball.
“Wait, now y’all are trying to blame me for this?”
“If the horseshoe fits.”
“Okay, you two sound like you’re having fun and that I need to hurry. Back in a flash.” With that, Twilight disappeared from the clean room’s viewing window, leaving AJ and Rainbow to brood and glare at one another from opposite sides of the space. For a time, that was all they did. They’d glare, they’d cough, they’d spit out fuzz balls, and then resume glaring. Each had a pile of several dozen fuzz balls going, but finally, the rhythm of bodily noises was interrupted.
Squeak
“What was that?” Applejack asked. Her and Rainbow’s ears were perked up, swiveling around. “Ya heard it too right?”
Squeak
“Rainbow, you playing some joke?”
“Isn’t me,” Rainbow said before a third squeak, slightly different from before, reached their ears. It then became more frequent and more varied, like a small platoon of squeaky toys. Eventually, each mare was looking at their pile of fuzz, where they could now see slight movement.
With a triumphant squeak, a tiny creature popped out of Applejack’s pile, making her quickly stumble back. It was a tiny copy of herself, down to her freckles and cutie mark. The first tiny AJ was then joined by others, each fuzz ball in the pile starting to change into a tiny clone. They were squeaking to one another, as if having conversations, but then all the little clones looked over at Applejack.
They smiled, and then they pounced. The several dozen tiny Applejacks leapt at the original, clinging to different parts of her body. They didn’t bite or kick, but they began to snuggle. They nuzzled their heads into her fur and continued to make happy squeaks every so often.
“Help!”
Looking over at Rainbow, Applejack could see she was faring no better. Her pile of fuzz balls had come to life as well, and they were trying to cover her in cuddles. “What is going on?”
“Don’t know, it’s like… it’s like how them parasprites made copies of themselves.” She struggled with another cough, spitting out a fresh fuzz ball that unrolled into a new little clone within seconds of hitting the floor.
“Well, make them stop hugging me,” Rainbow complained as she was trying to pick each clone off of her gently, only for them to jump right back on.
Applejack gritted her teeth and focused at the little clones. She spoke with a tone of voice she usually reserved when Apple Bloom needed some gentle scolding. “Now y’all listen here. Ya can’t go cuddling ponies that don’t want cuddling. Now go find something else ta hug, ya here?”
Rainbow nodded, shouting at her own tiny clones. “Yeah, go find something else you… hugging leaches!”
The clones all stopped, a few squeaking to one another before they began to crawl down from Rainbow and Applejack. There were some sad faces, but then a few happy squeaks filled the space. The two tiny groups of clones had noticed one another and ran to meet each other in the center of the room. There, the cuddling resumed, each tiny Applejack finding a tiny Rainbow Dash to cuddle with.
“Hey… hey, wait… don’t do that,” Rainbow said, starting to blush. “We don’t do that.”
“Yeah, stop that. Rainbow and I don’t hug and snuggle and… I don’t even know what those two over there are doing.”
The tiny clones, however, paid them no mind, happily squeaking at one another and cuddling. Rainbow and Applejack managed to glance at one another, both of their faces reddening with a blush before they turned their heads back down to the crowd of clones, raising their voices to the point they echoed through the whole castle.
“Stop cuddling!”
Rainbow Rampage - [War Recollection][Multitudes of Rainbow Dash]
The cloud she hid in was perhaps the most magically advanced ever developed in Equestria. Dozens upon dozens of enchantments placed on a single, small, fluffy bit of cumulus that now floated lazily over the Everfree Forest. Charms of propulsion to let it drift with the wind yet always head towards its destination. Spells of sustainment, letting the cargo within remain in an ideal state for its delivery. Hexes of diversion, so no one would ever think what they saw was more than a lonely cloud.
Rainbow of Iron Wing gently cracked open a hole in the cloud, peeking down below to confirm her position. She had been taking such a look every hour, on the hour, for three days straight. The gentle course of the cloud had started at Rainbow’s old house. Heck, this cloud was part of Rainbow’s old house, formed from the last vestiges of its impressive design. One more little hunk that had broken off as time and battle wore the house down to nothing.
Battle… it had all started so innocently. A failed trick. Rainbow had failed at tricks dozens of times before but never to such unexpected consequences. She stumbled into the Mirror Pool, finding a new opening that had not been sealed by Twilight back when the Pinkie Pie Parade proved problematic for Ponyville. Rainbow didn’t even know a clone had been made, returning to her trick practice before the doppelganger could even emerge from the pool. But the first doppelganger wasn’t lonely for long. As if driven by some unknown instinct, the clone began making additional copies from the pool.
By the afternoon of that same day, the clones had formed their own stunt flying team called the Rainbooms and were trying to book a show. Perhaps if they had been just left to their own devices, the Rainbow clones wouldn’t have proven as destructive as the Pinkie copies. Rainbow liked to take naps, buck clouds, and fly fast. The clones were simplifications of that with flatter personalities, like the reflection in a mirror.
But Twilight wanted to head off disaster, so she zapped the first clone.
The trouble was, Rainbow was loyal. The clones were a reflection of that, fiercely loyal, especially to themselves. Where the Pinkies had been distracted by a simple game when they were being dispatched, the Rainbows witnessed the whole thing, and they were angry. They attacked, and Twilight fought back. It was assumed, at the time, that Twilight was able to dispel all the copies that afternoon. Yet some clones escaped, and after the genocide of their fellows, the reflections weren’t going to stand by and wait to be blasted back into the pool.
The first attack came without warning, announced only by ninety-eight Rainbow Dash’s creating sonic rainbooms at the exact same time. The unified cascade rocked Equestria like an earthquake and threatened to send Canterlot falling from its mountainside perch. It was a declaration of war, open war against Equestria by an enemy that could reinforce their lines by simply reaching out to their reflection in a pool of water.
Armies clashed. Equestria had the benefit of diversity. Earth ponies and unicorns to aid in the fight against an entirely pegasus foe. The tide of battle seemed to be in their favor, but variances began to appear among the Rainbows. They were experimenting with the pool, trying to create clones that were different. Using props, makeup, or costumes, the Rainbows began diversifying their numbers. They managed to spawn earth pony and unicorn Rainbows. They began creating super strong brutes as well as brilliant strategists and researchers.
The battles reached a stalemate for a time, but then once more Equestria began to gain the upper hoof. The original clone of Rainbow Dash had been lost that very first day, and with each passing battle, more of the oldest generations were lost. The Rainbows were making copies of copies of copies of copies of copies, and the integrity was being lost. Equestrian researches hit on this theory as well, and soon, tactical missions were being undertaken to eliminate the oldest of the Rainbows, to reduce the enemy's ability to make more viable clones.
The Rainbows could have admitted defeat at that point, but Rainbow Dash was stubborn, and her clones more so. They figured out the perfect solution to their troubles and undertook their desperate mission in the cold, dark night of Hearth’s Warming. The Rainbows kidnapped the original, who had been trying to fight back and save Equestria from her mistake. She was captured, imprisoned, and used to make more second generation clones, which began to refill and strengthen the ranks of The Rainbows.
Celestia and Luna were captured not long after that. The Rainbows didn’t use them for cloning material, but found use of the princesses all the same. Controlling the sun and moon gave them the ability to dictate the lighting conditions of every battle. Equestria’s forces were always fighting into the sun. Night raids could happen whenever The Rainbows wanted them to. The businesses and ponies of Equestria, the backbone of the war effort, began to crumble because of the unpredictable movement of the moon and sun.
That was all several months ago. Now, The Rainbows were basically in control. The Equestrian army had fallen back to defend key cities and positions. Yet it was pointless. All knew that, unless something changed, the war would soon be over. The Rainbows were holding the nation’s head under water, and now, it was just a matter of time until the bubbles stopped coming up.
Yet resistance remained in small militias, and it was because of the efforts of one such militia that Rainbow of Iron Wing had been floating in a cloud for several days straight. One militia, led by the former Princess Twilight Sparkle, who had taken the most heat.
Twilight’s attack, in its aggression and her failure to defeat all the clones, had started the war. It had been a dark day when it seemed all of Equestria was demanding that Twilight turn in her crown.
And she did, but giving up her claim to ruling to let her focus on solving the problem. The linchpin to The Rainbows’ entire war efforts was the mirror pool. If it could be disenchanted or destroyed, then Equestria would have the upper hoof. Some missions had been attempted, but no one could out fly or out maneuver one Rainbow Dash, let alone hundreds.
Except for perhaps another Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow of Iron Wing peeked her head out of the cloud, passing some saliva as she saw her target in sight. She was a Rainbow Dash, but neither the original of this timeline nor a clone from the mirror pool. Twilight Sparkle, with the aid of Starlight Glimmer, managed to reach across time, space, and probability to a timeline she had seen once before. A timeline where a war against the King Sombra raged. A timeline where there was a Rainbow Dash who was highly trained in combat and hardened by war.
Cracking her neck, Rainbow of Iron Wing stood up inside her cloud. She stretched and flexed, her normal wing and metal prosthetic going through preflight motions as her hoof touched a magical medallion that had been sewn into her combat uniform. All she had to do was plunge into the mirror pool like a living bomb. The amulet would disenchant the pool. If Twilight was correct, that would disable most of the clones for at least a few minutes. That would give Rainbow of Iron Wing time to rescue this world’s original Rainbow as well as the princesses before making an escape. If not, well, she had lived through a few suicide missions, what was one more?
“Alright, game time.” She managed a smile as her hooves opened up a larger hole in the cloud. “Hold on, Rainbow Dash, your super awesome timeline sister is coming to save you.” With that, Rainbow of Iron Wing dropped out of the cloud, plummeting down and breaking the sound barrier within seconds. Her target lay below, the mirror pool excavated from its underground cave and exposed to the open air as the center of The Rainbows’ operation.
It was the moment a Rainbow Dash would decide the fate of an Equestria besieged by Rainbow Dashes, and a moment marked by a single sonic rainboom.
For better or worse, that last great act would decide the war for a world.
