Doodle Bug recounts the tale of her life with her closet friend.
Life was never easy for Doodle Bug. Hoop knew this, but he never asked what happened to make her childhood so terrible. One day, or rather, night, him and Doodle Bug were sitting by fire, on a cold winter night, he asked her.
He didn't expect a story so sad. ~~~~
Before you say anything, just remember that Doodle Bug is based off me. This is literally what my childhood was, filled with actual memories I have.
It was a cold night out. Doodle Bug had on a blue sweater, and was wrapped in blanket, with Hoop by her side. They were snuggled up together, just watching the fire.
But then Hoop decided to ask her something. He cleared his throat, looking over at her. He nuzzled her ear and smiled, "Hey Doodle Bug?"
"Yuppers?"
"You always say that you're foalhood wasn't great, right?" Hoop tilted his head, pausing his nuzzling. He could feel Doodle Bug shift nervously before she answered.
"Yes...Why?"
"Well...What was so terrible about it?" Hoop asked.
"Do you, like, want me to start from the beginning? Because, it's a long story." She frowned, staring at the fire.
"Yea, from the beginning." He gave a small smile, "Please?"
"I...I suppose." Doodle Bug sighed, "I mean...You could handle it...You watch Doctor Whooves with me..." She shifted again, tensing up, "Okay. But, let me warn you...It's not a pretty story..." ~ ~ ~ ~
Life wasn't always great for me.
I was born in a town called New Neigh, and it was absolutely freezing there. I was supposed to be born a month later, but I ended up nearly suffocating, so we had to be rushed to the hospital. The doctors told my mom I wasn't going to make it, and later, after they had confirmed that I wasn't, they told my dad my mom wasn't going to make it either, and told him to pick out coffins. We stayed in the hospital for weeks, neither of us getting better. But then, everything got better. I don't know what happened, but we got better! My dad wasn't very happy about it though, and I never found out why...
He took us home after that, but I had a condition, from being early and tons of other stuff. I would stop breathing in the middle of the night, and throw my mom into a panic. It kept happening until...Well, I don't know exactly how long, but it lasted a while.
After I got better, we moved around a lot. I can't remember exactly where we went, but I do remember we were always in cheap apartments and hotels. Some of them were kind of nice, but others...Well, let's not talk about them. I had a special set of toys that stayed with us, no matter what. They were a little duck that quacked every time you hugged it, and a life sized foal doll. I named her Sunshine Waves, and she was my best friend throughout the first few years of my foal-hood. I'd sleep with her, take baths with her, she even had her own chair when we sat down to eat! I told her everything, from my fears to my dreams...I know, dreams, it's kind of weird for a six month old foal to have them, but I wanted to be a ballerina! Then one night, me and Sunshine went to sleep. I had the duck, that I had named Ducky, under my head as a pillow, and I had Sunshine next to me. When I woke up...Sunshine was gone. I thought that she could have fallen under the bed, because it was a pretty small one, but when I looked, I couldn't find her. I looked everywhere in the room, thinking she could have just walked off to get a drink and gotten lost, remember, I was a foal, but I couldn't find her. I started crying and my mom ran in the room. I told her about Sunshine, and she just looked at me all sad...I never did find out what happened to her until a year or two ago...
That was about it for my foalhood. I have little memories here and there, but...None of them are very pretty. I only have a small amount of good memories.
Like the time I learned our pet ferret could undo the foal gate latch, and the time my mom went inside the meerkat cage at the zoo and my dad took pictures. I remember sitting on my grandparents stairs and talking to my cousin about dragons, and I remember Christmas every year at Granddad and Sugar's house...They had this huge lion plushy that all the kids would lay against to watch movies while the grown ups talked about stuff...
After what happened to Sunshine, I made sure to hold onto Ducky extra tight! I wouldn't let him go anywhere without me, even if we were going out to the park! Me and Ducky were best friends, and I slept with him under my head every night. But eventually, he disappeared too. I was so sad when he did, and I never got over it. Grandma June Bug gave me a stuffed puppy, to kind of replace Ducky. It worked, of course, and Puppy never left my sight! Seriously, she's on my bed right now! But, it was around the time I got Puppy for my first birthday, that Grandma June Bug died...I wish I could have met her. I only have one memory of her, and it was when my mom went to visit her, and we were all sitting in her RV. I was sitting by my mom, being a general year old foal. I remember looking up at Grandma June Bug, expecting her to be talking to mom, but instead saw her looking at me with a smile. It was the best smile I've ever seen, even to this day. I'll never forget that memory, I refuse to...After that, the memories get kind of hazy, I guess I try to forget them...The first memory I have after that, is my dad waking me up in the middle of the night. He was mad for some reason, I think he tripped over my bed trying to get to the kitchen. My bed was in the kitchen at this house, because we didn't have enough room. He had his switch in his hoof, and he was so mad...I got beat with it. Literally beat, until my mom tried to help. Then she got hit too. I think my dad was always abusive, I have vague memories of him yelling at my mom and hitting her whenever she said no...I also remember him crashing the car because she didn't want to go somewhere. My dad would always hit me to get back at my mom, and when my mom got mad about it, he'd hit her.
After I discovered my dad was...Abusive, I became a lot more fearful of him, but I still made sure to tell him that I loved him every night a went to sleep, and every morning I woke up. Every time he'd beat me because he didn't win the lottery, or because mom made dinner that he didn't like, I'd always tell him I loved him after I stopped crying. I didn't want him to feel bad...
My mom left him several times, but every time he'd find us and drag us back...He also got arrested, like, a lot. I remember one night, mom woke me up in a panic. My Granny Sewing Doll was standing in the doorway, with her keys in her hoof. I could here yelling and screaming, and there was read lights flashing in the window...I got so scared, but my mom picked me up and ran out the door, Granny right behind her. We got in the car and drove to a shelter, though at the time, I didn't know what it was. I asked my mom why we left, and she told me that Dad had found a snake under the house. I was a foal, so I stupidly accepted the lie as fact, and went to sleep after watching a story about elephants on the TV. It was only until a few months ago that I realized the red lights were from police cars, and my mom had called the cops on my dad for hitting her.
My memories are very...blank after that. It all blurred together, but the one that sticks out, is my dad loading the car with our suitcases. He had just gotten through hitting me, and I made sure to run out there as fast as I could. I got next to him, watching him load the car...And I couldn't say it. My brain told me I should say it, so he wouldn't feel bad, but my mouth just wouldn't do it. I suddenly started thinking about running away instead. It was so hard to stay in that one spot, to not move away from him. I forced a small smile, and made my hooves wrap around my dad, no matter how much my brain was telling me to not touch him, to just run away and hide behind my mom...And I told him I loved him.
I don't know why I did, I should have just ran back inside. He just patted my head, said he loved me too, and told me to get inside.
After that, I can't remember much. The last thing I remember before it happened, is my dad smiling at me as he pushed me around in a little toy carriage I had. I think that was the first time I'd ever seen my dad smile, and I mean actually smile, not a drugged out smile, like the times he'd nearly overdosed, or the times he got drunk and watched...Things in the living room. No, he was actually smiling...And it was so amazing to me. Then something happened. I can't remember when, or what it was, I think I forced myself to forget it...But I hazily remember my mom throwing things into the car. I think my dad had gotten rough with her again, and he'd tried to kill me to get back at her...I don't know where he was, maybe she convinced him to go get drugs or something...But she grabbed Puppy and me, loaded me into the foalseat quickly, and took off. She only told my Aunt Cradle Song where we were going. I don't remember her ever stop driving...Next thing I know, I was staying with my Aunt Lily Pad. I was so accustomed to an abusive household, that it shocked me to see my cousins, Runway Lights and Savannah Banana, accidentally knock a chair over, and just get gently scolded about running, before sent off again! If I had done something like that, it would have meant fractures and stitches...
Of course, not everything was perfect at Aunt Lily's house. Her husband was also abusive, though it wasn't as bad. He just occasionally got drunk and pushed Aunt Lily into a wall, smacked her a little bit before passing out. She was never harmed too bad...
When my mom got a job at a cafe, she came and got me. From one point nine years old, to two years, I stayed in the cafe every day, until mom got off work. I had my 'Uncle' Crisp there, and also my 'Aunt' Diamond Heel. It was the best thing in the world for me, because every morning, at six in the morning, Mom would wake me up, and we'd go to the cafe. Aunt Diamond would be there, opening up, and about ten minutes later, all the coffee drinkers would arrive. I'd sit with them, try my hardest to help them with their crossword puzzles, and even draw them pictures when they asked me to. I remember that one of the regular costumers, Dusty Hat, would sit down with me, drawing out dogs for me to color in. He taught me how to draw, and how to color...After they left, all the afternoon customers would arrive, mostly just ponies traveling through. After that, all the dinner ponies. They'd all sit down and smoke, talk to each other, meanwhile, I'd be in a corner booth, snuggled up with Puppy, feeling more content and safe than I'd ever felt. I knew that none of the ponies in the restaurant would hurt me, and if someone tried to, they'd get knocked out faster than they could blink! It was the best time of my life...Until my mom started working at the pet store too...She didn't have time to watch me in the pet store, and I couldn't stay at the cafe without her. So she hired a foalsitter. I won't go through what happened with the foalsitter...Just know, she liked foals a little too much...Yea, she.
I didn't get the courage to tell my mom what happened to me until I was twelve...She wouldn't stop apologizing to me...
My mom eventually stopped using the foalsitter. She saw how uncomfortable I was around her, and thought it was weird. She switched to another one, Ice Cold, and she was really, really mean. Around this time, she met Lazy Worker. She didn't like him, and everyday she'd come home, pay Ice, and talk to me about how silly Lazy was. Apparently, he'd ordered something weird, and she wouldn't serve him. It happened everyday.
One day, Ice got sick, and mom took me to the cafe with her. She'd stopped working at the pet store because the boss was mean to her. While I was sitting there, Lazy Worker walked in. I watched him, and thought about how awesome he looked. He walked up to the counter and sat down, waiting for the waitress. Except all the other waitresses were on break, so it was just mom. I think Lazy ordered the same thing, because my mom just scrunched up her nose. I heard her from the other side of the cafe, just shout, 'Make it yourself!' Before going to walk away. I saw Lazy grin, and he put a hoof under his chin.
The sentence that made my life infinitely better, was this: You wanna go see a movie?
My mom glared at him, replying with, 'I have a foal.' As she gestured towards me, now pretending like I wasn't paying attention by scribbling at a piece of paper while talking to Puppy.
I peeked over. By now, the cafe was silent, the other waitresses quiet as they waited to see what Lazy would say. They were all no doubt crushing on Lazy...
My ears perked at the next sentence, and I couldn't help but grin.
'We can see Over The Forest.'
Over The Forest was a foal movie, about squirrels or something. It was Lazy and mom's first date.
After that, I saw Lazy more often. We saw movies together, sometimes without mom! We'd spend the entire day just doing nothing. Every date mom and Lazy went on, I was always there. I think mom saw how much I liked Lazy, because she got more comfortable around him. It was a month or two later that we moved in with Lazy. He himself was living with his dad, but he had a HUGE room and an even bigger house! I met Steel Wrench and Joystick while I was living there. Steel Wrench was Lazy and Joystick's dad, and he was so nice! Joystick was okay, he let me stay up at night and eat sandwiches with him while we played games that he probably shouldn't have let me play. He also let me meet his girlfriends before anyone else, I don't know why. I think there was one that he tried to tell me ate little foals...I didn't believe it, of course, but I got the message, don't come out of the room.
I found out why we'd moved in with Lazy so fast 11 months later, when my baby sister Spring Loaded was born.
With Spring Loaded born, Lazy Worker thought it was time to get our own house. We got a tiny one, two bedrooms and one bath, but it was enough. It was about two year later that I started school at Trottingville. It started off pretty normal. I ended up cutting off a filly's pigtails because she was mean to me for having Puppy. None of the fillies liked me much after that.
Everything was a bit normal, until fifth grade. I was always bigger than everypony else, both in height and weight. All of the other fillies were slim, short and pretty. I was pudgy, tall, and kind of weird looking, with my frizzy mane, thick rimmed glasses, and buck teeth. They started bullying me. Mom ended up taking me out of school for fifth grade, homeschooling me until I was past the knowledge required for seventh, and then put me back in for sixth. I've always been smarter than the average student. Heck, when I was in fourth grade, my IQ was ten points higher than my teachers! I can tell you though, being smart didn't help. I got braces for my teeth, and switched to thinner glasses, started putting my mane up, but they still made fun of me. I was too tall, or too fat, they even said my Cutie Mark was too colorful! Ha, like that's true! All the bullying wore down my self-esteem, I didn't speak up for myself, and I still don't, I couldn't ask someone for something, I was too nervous that I'd do something wrong and they'd laugh at me! I still believe it, I can't buy a candy bar without nearly going into a panic! I'm so scared of social interaction, because I'm so afraid I'll embarrass myself...I can't order my own food, someone else as to do it, I can't talk to strangers, or touch them or...Or...Okay, we're getting off track here! Basically, my mom saw how much it was effecting me, and took me out of school...It was so hard for me to function after that, I was so terrified of ponies, thinking they'd hit me for messing up, or laugh at me, or something worse...And then, I found my cure. We got the internet! I know, that not something normal to say, but when I hit ten years old, my mom let me play games. When I hit eleven, she let me have free range. I was more mature than other kids, I was smarter, heck, I'd wrote a book by that time! That's when I discovered Meet 'n Greet.com. It was the best thing for a now friendly and not at all confident filly! I met my first friend there. Her name was Grape Vine. She introduced me to Roleplaying, I know, weird, but hang in there! We basically made characters and pretended to be them, it was actually a lot of fun! I made all my characters there, Skippy Sundae, Iron Rose...I met my other friends, there too Minty Bear, Cream Swirl, and Midnight Lavender! They were all so great, and they're still my best friends! From there, I got back on Meet 'n Greet, and met Ink Berry. She was the best thing that ever happened to me! Whenever Cream and Midnight talked about how they wanted to kill themselves, and how they hated everything, I'd comfort them. And when they never asked me if I was okay...Well, I'd talk to Ink! Whenever Minty ignored me for a week, and left me crying, I'd talk to Ink! She was always there for me!
Then...The day came I got a letter. It had black ribbon around it...We all know what that means...I spent the next year mourning Ink Berry, crying every night and faking a smile every day. I'd always pretend that she was still there, and just talk to her. I could almost hear her voice talking back when I did...
After a year, I started getting better. Until an email from her account made my hope come alive! I thought she was okay, and I nearly started crying as I quickly opened the email.
It was just her damned brother asking how I was doing.
Well, I say brother. After that, I started spamming the email with pictures I'd drawn of me and Inky, each with the line 'How the buck does it look like I'm doing?'. I was hoping to make him feel bad.
And then, I got another email from the account.
'Whoa whoa, you've gotten great with the drawings! Sorry about the year long brb, but my boyfriend changed the password to my account. Don't worry not with him anymore! ;)'
I got so mad after that...I started sobbing, throwing my laptop in the ground. My mom tried to comfort me and asked me what happened, but I couldn't form the words. I mean, how dare he do that to me?! Once I calmed down, I picked up my computer and started typing, having no idea I was typing a very curse-filled, angry email to the real Inky Berry.
After that, everything was great. I had two siblings, Spring Loaded and Dare Devil, and a pet hedgedragon, Buster. We were still in the tiny house, but none of us complained. We had food on the table every night, the bills were paid, and we had nearly everything we asked for! I had my friends online, and they helped me get some confidence, though I'm still awkward with social encounters with strangers, and I still get so nervous around people...
Anyway, at least it helped a little bit! When I turned sixteen, I'd already graduated collage, and mom hesitantly sent me off to Ponyville, so I could love peacefully and just do what I loved. I met so many friends, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, Twilight and AJ, Pinkie and Rarity! I couldn't have ever dreamed I'd be like this when I was a foal, hiding under my plastic bed in the kitchen while dad went on a rampage!