Lee Harrison was forcefully ripped out of his life as a father and placed into a new life as a butler, working for a ruler of a species he's never seen before.
*Despite the cover art this is not a human turned into a pony story.*
On his way to a meeting in the next town over, Lee James Harrison almost gets thrown off a snowy mid December road by a speeding pick up truck. After he was able to successfully evade said truck, he noticed something rather peculiar out of the corner of his eye right before he slammed into it and drove into a nearby ditch.
Waking up in a bed in a strange room, Lee Harrison finds himself torn from his family life and placed into a new life as a butler, working for a ruler of a species he's never seen before.
Cover art drawn by myself, digitized by RandomReader-001
Beginning Chapters and so on edited by: Bruceman360
*Character tags will be added as the story progresses*
“What do you mean you’re leaving?” Alice whispered to me as I fixed my tie while silently tiptoeing past Grace’s, my daughter, room and towards the stairs at the same time.
“I already told you, Alice, Mr. Currier–” My one of a kind boss “–needs me to tag along with him to a meeting in the next town over,” I explained and stumbled like an idiot over one of the steps on the staircase as I straightened out the sleeves of my suit. I caught myself and was able to safely make it down without breaking any bones. “Shit!” I cursed to myself; you know how embarrassing that would’ve been? Then again if I would’ve fallen and hurt myself, it would have given me a valid excuse on why I wouldn’t have been able to attend this pointless meeting.
“Lee,” My wife pestered me as I slid open the closet to grab one of my jackets. Should I choose my red corduroy, or my Lions jacket? I thought as she continued to pressure me. “Can’t you just call off sick or something?”
I sighed as I chose my Lions jacket over the corduroy, I looked at my wife. “Look Alice, I know you don’t want me to go, and believe me I'd rather stay home with you and Grace. But you’re going to have to face it. If I don’t go, none of us has any idea what Mr. Currier is going to do.” I slipped my arms through each of the sleeves of the jacket.
Mr. Currier was the CEO of a very large real estate company known as… should I even say it? Might as well kick myself while I do, Currie’s Realtors. Doesn’t it just put a horrible taste in your mouth every time you say that? Damn, every time it’s like I have to down a half a bottle of dish soap just to get that horrible feeling out of my mouth. But I digress, Mr. Currier is my boss and I just happen to be his assistant.
Now before you go thinking, “Oh he must hate his job because his boss is a cliché dick.” Oh no, no, no. Mr. Currier is actually a very, very nice man. Some of my coworkers even consider him a saint! Well, that’s probably because he looks a lot like Saint Nick, but once again I digress. My job is mostly a time waster, I go into my office and fill out papers, research, answer phone calls, and in my spare time play Tetris. Which is actually a rarity, but when I do it’s like God is handing me a new born child and telling me to treat it carefully.
But the main question is do I like my–
“Are you even listening to me?” Alice asked, I turned my head away from our family portrait and I looked her right in the eyes, those light ocean blue eyes of hers.
“I’m sorry what?” I asked while rubbing my right eye. I always had the problem of drifting off into space. Like now for instance: I’m looking at Alice while she speaks, nodding my head and agreeing with her. Even though in reality I don’t even know a damn thing she’s saying. I was supposed to be out the door behind me two minutes ago. Yet she continues to ramble on about, “It’s like every day you go on a trip.” Or the common, “You never have time to spend with your own daughter anymore.”
Which is true, I won’t argue that. But it’s my job, Mr. Currier may be a nice man, but he isn’t afraid to drop anyone. Literally, and I wished that I could get that fact through Alice’s head! Seriously, just a few weeks ago Mr. Currier dropped Don Seltzer, who is a good friend of Alice’s and I because he was fifteen minutes late. The reason why: was because the side street he always took was held up by a train.
Alice leaned forward and snapped her fingers in front of my face, I shook my head and turned towards the door. “I get your point, Alice,” I said as I opened the door, “but I’m already running late.”
“But–”
I stepped out into the snow, and looked through the crack in the door I waved to her and smiled. “Bye, love you,” I went to pull the door closed but was stopped by her taking hold of it.
“When will you be back?” She asked looking rather worried.
I raised an eyebrow and gazed down at my arm. I pulled back both my sleeves on my jacket and suit to check my watch. “Some time tomorrow afternoon if traffic isn’t too bad, but I got to go now. Love you.” Alice closed the door and I turned around, I felt the cold breeze of the late night December air roll across my face. I shivered and jammed my hands into my pocket and continued to trudge through the snow towards my car. Taking out my keys, I quickly shoved them into the keyhole and went to unlock it.
As I did so, the cold air nearly left my hands frostbitten as I jiggled the lock and continued to utter curse words to myself while my nice dress shoes began to quickly fill up with melting snow. You know, maybe it wasn’t a smart idea to come out here in my dress shoes. Matter of fact why did I come out here in them? After a few twists of the key I managed to finally open the old car door. As if my life depended on it, I dove onto the cold cushioned seat and hurriedly started the engine and flipped on the heater. I then grabbed ahold of the stick and shifted the car in reverse and turned to see if anything was behind me.
However, in mid turn I was stopped when something caught my eye, something rather peculiar. Out of the corner of my eye by my neighbors yard I noticed a strange white object. I couldn’t make out the details because as I stopped to see what it was, it was gone. I shook my head and chuckled lightly. “Come one, Lee get your shit together.” I backed out of my driveway and began to head down the street. As I drove I couldn’t help myself but to think back to the strange object I had seen in my neighbors yard. It wasn’t the first time I had noticed it; however, I also didn’t see it frequently. The couple times I ever remember seeing the object was at Grace’s first day of kindergarten.
I remember getting out of the car with her. At the time Grace was a shy little girl, so I had to walk her up to the school. As we made our way up the front steps we eventually reached the door. I then bent down looked her in the eyes and smiled, I told her I loved her and that I hope she has a nice day. But as I said that, just over her shoulder, I could see it. Standing there by the playground looking over at us. Like in my neighbors yard, when I blinked, it was gone.
The next occurrence was on my wedding day. Possibly one of the happiest days of my life (besides Grace being born of course) I was standing up by the altar waiting for Grace to come down the aisle. I remember just before she did, my best man, Kurt Keys, poked me in the arm to grab my attention. When I looked over at him, I noticed just over his shoulder next to the nearby tree. I could see the white figure standing there glaring at me. Those weren’t the only two times I had seen it, I know that for a fact. However, everything else was nothing but a vague memory to me: the monster in the closet when I was a kid, to the spooky thing in the woods. Matter of fact, whenever I think back about it, the thing was always a blurred image. Like in a photograph, or even in those vampire mov–
All of sudden, I was blinded by the headlights of a large pickup truck that was speeding down the snowy road. “Jesus H. Christ!” Horrified I gripped my steering wheel for dear life and I veered the car out of the way just in time. I sighed with relief and turned my head back to see if the pickup was alright.
Like the dumbass I am, I should’ve kept my eyes on the road. Last thing I remembered seeing, was a tall blurred being watching me as I flew into a nearby ditch…
Who’s there? What’s going on? Where am I? Why the Hell is it so dark?
“Tia, are you sure it’s okay to–”
“Yes, Luna, I assure you I have everything under control.”
“What do you mean you have everything under control? I told you not to interfere, now look at yourself! You’re hurt, you need to rest.”
The two voices drifted around my unconscious mind, periodically fading out of earshot as I faded in and out of consciousness, only to return moments later like a by passing car on a highway. I can’t seem to remember what happened. I feel like I’m taking a test and I just can’t fill in that one blank. My mind is incredibly fuzzy, I just can’t put the pieces together and it’s literally driving me insane!
I was driving; I know that much. And, I- I remember seeing the Richardson’s Christmas lights…
“Something’s happening…”
Wait, what’s happening...?
“He doesn’t appear to be in pain as much as he was earlier…”
Pain…? I’m not in pain… should I be in pain? Oh shit, did I die?!
“Tia, I told you to go rest. Leave it with me; it’s probably just its body getting use to the healing spell. It’s just calming down that is all…”
Okay… I’m not dead, that’s good. I’m probably just doped up and– wait a sec, did she just say spell? Something doesn’t seem right about thi–
“I told you Luna, I’m alright.”
“Tia, I saw how hard it hit you with that thing…”
Oh fuck I hit someone?! Oh God what happened, okay, okay, calm down I just need to calm down okay… how am I going to do that at a time like this?! Just take deep breaths that is all; it’s all just a nightmare, okay? My name is Lee James Harrison, I live in Dansville I have a loving wife and a beautiful daughter. What I’m experiencing now is just a dark part of my subconscious, once I count to three I’m going to wake up. It’ll be early in the morning, maybe the sun hasn’t even risen yet, I’ll wake up next to my wife and all of this will be over. Let’s just take a deep breath…
One…
Two…
Three.
I felt myself wrapped in a soft heavy material, my body was extremely warm. As a matter of fact I was sweating due to the amount of heat trapped around my body. Blinking at a rapid pass I quickly erased all traces of blurriness from my eyes, the room I was in was dark. Not dark to the point I couldn't see, above me I could a see a tan ceiling. I appeared to be in a bed of some sorts, a rather comfortable one may I add. Far better than my queen size my wife and I shared, back at home. Home…? Wait one damn second!
Using my elbows I pushed myself up into a sitting position, the large red blankets rolled off my chest and landed right on my lap. Twisting my head right to left, I observed my strange environment. I was in a very bright feminine room, filled with lots of reds, and pinks. It reminded me a lot of my daughter Grace’s room. Early morning light streamed through the cracks of the curtain which seemed to be blocking the glass doors to a balcony on my right. If it’s morning now that must have meant that I must have been out all night. Could I have just driven all night and stopped at a hotel and I just have trouble remembering it…?
I rested my now aching head in the palm of my hand. “Ah shit!” I cried out as my hand gently scraped the cloth on my forehead which elicited a small spark of pain that quickly shot through my body. What the hell? I quickly retracted my hand, what the hell is wrapped around my head? Slowly I brought my hand back to my forehead, touching the spot of my head where the cloth was. I winced slightly as I rubbed it, did I really get in a crash last night? Then why am I not in the hospital?
I need to get better look at myself, there has to be something in this room. It wasn’t hard trying to find a mirror in a girlish room like this one. About a yard away from me to my left was a large vanity mirror. Which reflected a per-…? Er… a banged up image of me; a large portion of the top of my head was wrapped in what seemed to be a white cloth. My face looked like it had been caught in the crossfire of a George Foreman and Muhammad Ali grudge match. As for my chest my favorite Lion’s jacket had a large tear on the right sleeve. Just to be safe so that no other harm has been done, I opened the jacket just to make sure my elegant suit hasn’t been destroyed. I released a relief-filled sigh; the suit hasn’t been harmed.
But now wasn’t the time to get comfortable just yet, there was still one last thing I needed to check before I figure out what the hell is going on. It’s time I checked under the covers. I swallowed the lump in my throat and took hold of the large brightly red blanket. Taking another deep breath I decided it was best to count to three.
One…
Two…
Th– Ah fuck it! We’ve already been through this! Throwing the sheets off my body, they crumpled to the floor like a heavy stack of papers. I observed my legs; I twisted my right leg to the side hoping to gain a better view. Nothing seems to be broken, dress pants doesn’t seem to be torn. That was a relief.
After checking my left leg all seemed nice and dandy, no torn pants or any broken bones. Which was an even greater relief! All is going good now, except for the fact that I’m not in a hospital. This is still jabbing at my mind like a fire poker that has recently been taken out of a burning flame. It’s bothering me to no end and I just want to figure out where the hell I am. And the only way to figure that out is to venture out of this room.
Planting the palms of my hands on the very cushiony bed, I twisted my body around so that I was facing the mirror. Due to the sheer colossal size of the bed my legs weren’t even close to dangling over the sides. So I had to journey my way through the desert of wrinkled sheets just to get to the other side. After what felt like an eternity of dragging my ass off the bed, I finally made contact with the pink carpeted floor. Pushing my hands on the bed I lifted myself up off the edge and stood up. Instantly felt nauseous afterward. Well fuck. My vision blurred and I was forced to cradle my head in the palm of my hands.
As if on cue my throat became sandpaper and my stomach groaned for food like a bum on the street begging for change. I stood there for a few minutes, waiting for the nausea to subside. But it didn’t which unfortunately sucked, instead I felt as if I needed to puke. Clutching my gut I needed to find a bathroom. I looked for the nearest door or something that symbolized a bathroom.
I began to hobble towards the nearest door, just on the opposite side of the room from the balcony window. Stumbling over my shoes, I lunged out for the door. My fingers grasped onto the handle at the last second. I was almost parallel with the floor, barely a foot before making contact. I could feel my insides swish around inside like water in a half filled bottle, which doesn’t feel good at all. My stomach whined once again while sending a feeling of discomfort throughout my body.
I wrapped my fingers around the handle and pulled myself back into a vertical position. Twisting the handle I pushed on the door, nothing happened. So I tried again, nothing happened. So of course since I’m only human, I tried once again. I began to feel like an aggravated toddler who was trying to open a jar of peanut butter only to have his parents come in and show him that he was twisting it the wrong way the who– oh…
Like a complete dumbass I pulled the handle back, and to my idiotic delight the door eased opened. I craned my head around the open door and I noticed how dark it was. The room had no windows, but I did notice the knob that rested on the wall to my left. I turned my body to the side and I slipped passed the door. Closing it quietly behind me, my stomach churned once again. My legs buckled a bit and I hunched forward clutching my gut. “Shit,” I gasped.
Reaching upwards I twisted the knob, hoping that it would provide some type of light. To my luck it did, with a satisfying hiss and a small scent of gas. The center gas powered chandelier flames came to life, providing a nice source of light. As my eyes adjusted to the brightness of the extremely pink and white room (and of course I thought the first room was girly) my jaw struck the white porcelain floor like a sack of bricks.
Despite the overly obnoxious colors, the room was astonishing. Hot pink walls outlined the room, along with the white floor; to my left was a large full body mirror. And with a few steps forward there was a set of stairs that led into a pool, which I assumed was the bath tub. To my right however was a whole other door, which was already opened and revealed to me my life goal. The toilet my bodily fluids have been screaming for. (Which was surprising really that they haven’t came up yet.)
I stumbled into the open room, dropping to my knees I grasped onto the seat and flung my head into the open toilet and hurled. I vomited my last night’s dinner into it, as I did I felt the small amount of stress lift off my shoulders as I began to feel a little better. I flushed the toilet and watched my wife’s stroganoff go around the whirlpool and down the drain. I reached back for the towel rack behind me, grabbing one of what literally looked to be a hundred pink towels. I wiped my wet lips on the incredibly soft material.
“Well now, isn’t this an interesting sight?” I flew six feet into the air, startled by the feminine voice that came from the open doorway. Spinning towards the voice my eyes widened in shock. “Oh I do apologize, I didn’t mean to scare you.” A small gray horse dressed in what seemed to be a maid’s outfit giggled. “I only came in here to do my regular afternoon cleaning.” She smiled and looked back outside before turning her attention back to me. “I knocked on the door before coming in. But nopony answered, I was going to continue on my way. But then I heard this awful howling noise,” she chuckled once again.
God, what the fuck is this thing?! Why the hell does it keep giggling like a young school girl? I pushed myself away from the female horse with my legs, but to my luck my back struck the wall.
“But it was just you all along. Say, how was the party last night Mr. Rose?” she asked.
Party, Rose? I’m dreaming… no, no this is way too fucked up to be a dream. This has to be some type of freaking LSD trip or something. Just one big fucking LSD trip, I was probably drugged at the hotel or something, shit I can’t remember!
Who the hell was Mr. Rose? Could she just be mistaking me for somebody else and why the fuck is she a ho– “Mr. Rose, is something wrong? Your face is starting to become a little pale.” The maid spoke with an elegant English accent, which was bizarre because last I knew. Where I’m from there are no English people, let alone English-accented horses.
There I go fucking dazing out again, I need to focus alright. Get your head in the game, Lee. Alright, first I need to say something. “Uh... Eh…” Way to go shitferbrains.
The horse covered her lips with her hooves and chuckled, if I had to admit I’d say her laugh was rather adorable. It reminded me of Grace’s laughs when she was still only a little baby. At times that laugh would seem rather comforting, except this time that laugh was coming from a horse dressed in a black and white maid’s outfit with black stockings and small black dress shoes specifically made for hooves. “I take it that you had a fun time?” she asked as she approached me. “Here, let me help you back onto your hooves–”
My brain instantly shut off, literally every muscle, nerve, and cell in my body stopped and gone limp. Hooves? Hold on, I think I heard this wrong… HOOVES?! Maybe the mirror was wrong; hold on, let me check something. Looking down I examined my hands and feet, HANDS AND FEET!
Either this horse doesn’t know how to tell the difference between hands and hooves, or I’m actually dreaming or drugged. Maybe even both. Fuck I don’t know, quite frankly I don’t know what to even believe anymore. Last I remembered I was still a human being and that my name was Lee, not Mr. Rose.
The grey maid used her head to nudge me in the side as she guided me back to my feet. I grasped the towel rack trying to keep my balance as my stomach churned once more. Tilting my head slightly downwards so that I was looking at the horse that went up to about the middle half of my chest, she watched me with those wide, may I say it, and adorable wide eyes. “Wow, Mister, she wasn’t kidding when she said you were a tall pony–”
My eyes locked with her purple eyes, and once again my brain halted. She just called me a p-pony? Now I definitely know I’m stuck in a six year old girl’s dream, that’s it that’s the only logical conclusion… or I’m in some type of fucked up hell… Ugh… what the fuck did I do last night to make me deserve this? Biting my tongue I decided that as long as I’m on this strange high, I might as well play along with it. “Okay… listen here… Eh… what’s your name?”
“Shimmering Grace,” she said. I glared down at the small gray pony, she stared back moments later. She then tilted her head to the side like a confused puppy. What are the odds of finding some adorable/confusing thing that shares the same name as my daughter? “Well… most of my friends call me Grace for short, if that’s okay with you, Mister.”
“Please, just call me Lee.” I hardly mumbled due to my dry throat, which felt like it was killing me from the inside out.
“Lee? Now that’s a nickname I haven’t heard before.” She said tapping her chin in thought.
I began to limp my way out of the bathroom. “That’s because it’s not a nickname.” I really need to get out of here. I need to leave this damn hotel find my car and just drive as far away from here as possible. Only problem was, I don’t even have single clue on where I’m at.
“If it’s not a nickname than what is it?”
I didn’t bother answering her question, leaving the humongous bathroom. I re-entered the mysterious girly bedroom. A stinging pain erupted in the back of my head as if somebody had driven a rusted screw driver into the back my skull. My ears were ringing, I clenched my teeth and clutched my skull. “Mr. Rose, is everything alright?”
“I thought I told you to call me Lee!” I snarled my raspy voice making me sound like a ninety year old man. I winced once again because of the unbearable pain. “I-I just need something to drink.”
“W-well I can go and get you some water if you’d like Mr.–”
I spun around to face the grey pony bending down I got in her face. “Call me Rose one more time and you'll be well acquainted with that window right over there.” I gestured out towards the balcony window. I swear to god, this pony is getting on my nerves… this can’t be a dream; the pain I’m feeling now feels far too real to be a dream. Either I’m drugged or… or… I can’t explain it.
Leaning away from the pony I covered my eyes, and massaged them lightly. Trying to do something to ease myself of this pain; Grace gulped and glanced towards the door which I assume leads out of here. “I can run down to the dining hall and get you some water if you’d like.”
I sighed heavily. “Quite frankly I think a shot would rather do me good.”
Grace’s eyes widened in disbelief, taking a step forward she shook her head. “Mr.– I mean, Lee, you’ve already had enough to drink. I recommend you lay down and get some rest. I’ll go inform the Princess of your distress and–”
I stopped her with the look in my eyes, I quirked an eyebrow, confused by what she just said. Princess? Now things just got even stranger, woke up in an unknown place, puked my brains out, and now a talking English horse just mentioned a Princess to me. “Grace…” I nearly whispered completely forgetting about the stinging pain in my head. And for the first time that day I decided to ask my first two intelligent questions. “Where am I? And what do you mean I already had enough to drink?”
Grace took a step back raising her own eyebrow, she frowned. “What do you mean where are you?”
I resisted all urges to face palm. “I mean, where am I?” I flung my arms out in both directions motioning them around the room. “What is this place? Why is it so fucking pink?! Where’s my car? My house?! And most of all why are you a talking HORSE?!”
My migraine began to rip apart my brain as my voice grew louder and louder with every question, I swore that any second now blood would begin to drip from my ears. Due to the screaming pain, Grace stood there petrified by my sudden outburst. She began to step back as I stepped towards her. “I-I-I’m afraid I don’t understand, Mr. Rose, th-thi-this is Canterlot,” She stammered. “C-Canterlot Castle, y-you work here.”
I stopped and grasped both sides of my head. Canterlot, I don’t work for a place known as Canterlot Castle. Sounds like a fucking weird casino you’d probably find in Vegas, or it’s probably something my daughter would come up with. “Wh-what are you talking about?” I mumbled as I stumbled towards her once again. “I don’t work here, I, I never worked here.”
“O-of course you do.” Grace backed herself into a corner. “You worked here your whole life, at least that’s what Celestia told me. I saw you last night at the ball,” she said cowering in fear.
I stopped. “Wh-where?”
“At the ball, you were tending to the guests. You know serving them drinks, matter of fact you were drinking with them. Which is actually against all regulations and you can get yourself fired. You’re just lucky Pens Worth wasn’t there.” She quickly explained as she lowered herself into a sitting position.
I slowly took my hand off my head as the pain began to subside, taking a few steps back I found myself backing into the bed. I tripped over it and landed onto the soft mattress. “No… no, no, that can’t be right, you’re lying.” I said more calmly this time around.
“I’m not lying, sir, you’re one of the best known ponies around the castle.” She said climbing back onto her hooves.
“Why did you say that?” I asked looking at her with a stern look I’d give Grace, my daughter, whenever she did something bad or stupid.
“I say that because it’s true, you’re known around here for your jokes and–”
I cut her off with a wave of my left hand. “That’s not what I was asking. I meant why did you call me a pony?”
Grace stopped and looked at me as if I was one of those guys who didn’t understand a simple joke and needed it to be explained. “That’s because you are a pony, sir.” When did she start calling me sir?
I glanced down at my body and looked at my hands, fingers, clothes, and shoes. “No… I’m a human being.” I replied back in a shallow monotone voice.
“Human what? Excuse me, but are you blind?” She asked clearly becoming irritated.
I recoiled back in surprise. “Are-are you fucking serious, look! I have hands!” I raised both my hands and shook them in front of her.
“Mr. Rose, those are your hooves.” She deadpanned.
Hooves? Wh-what the hell, she’s messing with me, she has to be messing with me, there’s no way in Hell I’m letting her get to me. “Alright then explain this!” I took hold of the crumpled up sheets and lifted them partly off the bed. “If I have hooves, how am I possibly holding this up?”
This time Grace actually slammed her right hoof into her forehead. “That’s because you’re a unicorn, Gun.” She released an irritated sigh.
“Gun… Why did you call me Gun?” I said completely losing track of what I was doing.
“Because that’s your first name, I swear that fall really did knock some of your screws loose.” She mumbled.
Gun…? If that’s my first name then that means she’s been referring to me by my supposed last name Rose… what the– and then it clicked. My palm slammed into my face, which I quickly regretted because instant pain surged through out my head which sent me back into the bed.
I took my hand off of my forehead, and I felt as if I had a hundred bees stinging my face simultaneously. I cringed every time the pain pulsated. “You know after that fall, I don’t think smacking yourself in the face is going to make it feel any better.” Grace said leaning back with a grimace.
"And you, talking to me like my mother isn’t going to make it feel any better either,” I retorted… really I couldn’t have come up with anything better than that? I released an audible sigh and mumbled, “Just go.”
“I’m sorry but you’re going to have to speak up,” Grace said as she took a step forward and cupped a hoof to her ear, as if for a pony that’d make her hearing any better.
“I said, ‘leave me alone…’” I groaned, please let this high be done and over with. I closed my eyes and rolled over in the bed.
“You know…” Grace said, “I think we got off on the wrong hoof, Mr. R–”
“You know that window does seem a little lonely,” I sarcastically said as I shifted my body over to the left trying to get comfortable. Maybe if I just try and sleep it off it’ll end. In all honesty I don’t even care about the meeting anymore, and now that I think about it, I can’t drive like this. The police would be on me faster than a cougar on a young boy who got separated from his parents in a JCPenneys.
“What I’m saying is–”
“Just leave alright!” I got up into a sitting position and looked the mare in the eyes. “I’m tired, I don’t feel good, and all I want to do is sleep! Is that too much to ask for?”
Grace rubbed her left hoof along her right leg looking down at the floor she nodded her head. “I’m sorry; I’ll be on my way.” Grace turned away from me and began heading to the door. I lowered myself back down into the bed and pulled the covers over me just as I heard Grace click the door shut. Minutes passed and nothing happened. I laid there gazing up at the tan ceiling, mulling over what just happened in my mind.
I let out a deep breath and closed my eyes trying to fall asleep. However, sleep wouldn’t come to me. My head still throbbed and my stomach began to churn once again. The thought of where I was kept poking at my mind, and the poker was still scolding hot from the fire. My brow furrowed and I opened my eyes. I then flung the blanket off me and sat up. I tossed my legs to the side and journeyed once more through the field of crumpled up sheets.
Once I was finally off the bed, I glanced around the room. What if this wasn’t a dre– NO! No, no, this has to be a dream! I shouted in my head, But what if I really was in a crash? Could I be in a coma– no… no… I need to think clearly. I can think about that stuff later, but now I need to figure out where I am. My eyes drifted towards the balcony window. Well now this shouldn’t be too hard, I thought as I hobbled over to the curtains. I grabbed the bright pink pieces of fabric and quickly pulled them apart.
Now one thing that didn’t come to my mind at the time was the fact that I was in a dark room, for about thirty minutes, with a talking horse. Outside on the other hand was bright, not to mention that I thought it was December and there’s snow everywhere. When I pulled said curtains apart my eyes felt as if I was looking at the sun through a high powered telescope.
Instantly my eyes felt like they were exploding, and I cried out in pain. I tried to cover them as fast I could while stumbling backwards over my feet. With my feet now tangled I fell on my ass. Even though my eyes were closed I could still see the bright flashing splotches of colors you usually see when you close your eyes after looking at a bright light. It took a good minute for my vision to clear back up. Once I was able to see again, I noticed the girly room seemed even more feminine now that I could see all the extreme colors. I placed my hand on my knee and used it as as support while I pushed myself back up, and once I was on my feet I glanced around the room. Nervous about what could actually be outside, I gulped. No going back now Lee, I thought as I went out to the balcony.
My jaw nearly stubbed my toe. The outside was like nothing I have ever imagined. I have to be dreaming now, I thought to myself, that talking horse wasn’t kidding when she mentioned the word castle. As I gazed outside the window of the massive spire I appeared to be in, outside was a large city that was on the side of a mountain. The scene before me reminded me of Minas Tirith from Lord of the Rings. The scene in which Denethor went mad and started shouting commands at his soldiers to flee quickly ran through my mind. The sight before me made a smile run across my face. But as quickly as it came, it ran away. There I was standing outside on a balcony attached to a castle watching over a massive city. That was probably full of talking horses.
“Oh…” I laughed. “This is going to make a very interesting story next time I go to the bar with the guys,” I said to myself.
Welp there I went talking to myself now, that was the first check on the list of insanity. Next was making imaginary friends! “Why hello there, Mr. Rose, I’m glad to see…”
This new posh voice continued on behind me, but I stopped listening at the sound of Mr. Rose. I felt this new and ever growing anger building up inside of me all over again. Turning around I decided to say the first thing that came to mind.
“Can you just shut your fucking face?!” On the opposing side of room by the door that leads out into the corridor was a tall white slender horse, a good foot and a half taller than me by the looks of it. She had what appeared to me a black eye that seemed to be fading. Besides that her mane definitely made me feel like I needed to puke. The way it followed the unnoticeable draft waving up and down and down and up; I couldn’t take my eyes off it and I was stuck in a trance. I was like a cat locked onto a piece of string dangling above its head. Oddly enough, I even had the feeling to swat at it too.
“Excuse me?” She said snapping me out of my dazed state. I really need to stop doing that, sooner or later I’m going to get myself hurt. “But that is no way to speak to your Princess.”
That voice, it sounded familiar to me. “P-princess?” I said. “But I don’t even know who you are.” Where did I hear that voice?
“What do you mean? You don’t know who I am, Mr. Rose–?”
“Now I’m just going to have to stop you right there.” God damn this was really starting to bother me, where did I hear that voice?! “First off my name isn’t Mr. Rose.”
The white mare recoiled back. “Well of course it is, you’ve been my assistant for three years now I’d think I would know my ow–”
I silenced her with a finger. “My name is Lee Harrison, and secondly I never been here in my entire life.”
“Mr. Ro–”
“Ah, ba, ba,bababa… Silence, now listen here horse lady–”
Her brow furrowed and her lips collapsed into a frown. “My name is Princess Celestia and I will not be disrespected by someone the likes of you.”
Celestia, I thought, now why did that sound familiar.
“Tia, I told you to go rest. Leave it with me; it’s probably just its body getting use to the healing spell. It’s just calming down that is all…”
Celestia… Tia… Ce-les-tia…
Then it struck me, and I caught her act faster than a cheetah catching up to its prey. “Now, Mr. Rose, I’ll let you off with a warning if you–”
“Hold the front door and drop the act, Tia!” Her eyes widened at the mention of her pet name. “You know what I am and how I got here, and I think I sure as hell know how you got that black eye!” She took a step back and opened her mouth as if she was going to say something but closed it shortly after.
Celestia Lowered her head and released an exasperated sigh. “Alright you win,” She said her voice quiet and calm. She startled me with the light of her horn, the door magically swung shut behind her.
“How di–”
“I’ll explain everything shortly… now sit.” I complied and sat on the bed. “Lee,” She said standing in front of me. “I don’t know how you got here.”
I leaned forward and folded my hands. “You’re lying,” I said right off the bat.
“Now what makes you think that?” She asked with a straight poker face as she ruffled her wings in a strange way.
“Because I remember in my sub conscious state, somebody was telling you not to interfere with me.”
Her expression didn’t change. “Lee, you were hurt when I found you, badly.”
“Your story isn’t adding up, dear… why was I hurt?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know a wild animal maybe. A guard found you outside the castle gates shambling like a zombie. Instead of striking you down like most of the guards are trained to do when somepony doesn’t listen to them, she instead went and got me.”
She was hiding something from me. A wild animal? Did she take me for a fool? The wound on my head seems like nothing compared to what a wild animal would do. Even the tear in my jacket doesn’t look like a tear from a claw. I decided to go along with it anyways. “Okay, but that doesn’t explain the black eye.”
“A cork shot me in the eye at the ball.”
I snorted. “Fucking seriously?”
She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Laugh all you want, it was rather embarrassing at the time but I got over it.”
“Okay then, eh… well. If…” I didn’t know how to continue the conversation, my mind began to draw a blank as I tried to think of what to bring up next. “Why did that maid from earlier, Grace, see me as another horse but not as a human?”
“Well that’s an easy question to answer, Lee.” Celestia sat back on her haunches. “Do you believe in magic?”
“Depends, what we are talking about here? Card tricks, a box that everything you put in disappears?” Celestia smiled and with a flash of her horn she was gone, only to reappear in an instant right beside me on the bed.
“I was thinking more on the lines of, teleportation, conjuration–”
“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” I fell back and rolled off the bed, I landed on my back. Causing a second wave of pain to explode throughout my body making me cry out and bring tears to my eyes.
“Oh my, are you okay?” Celestia looked over the edge of the bed.
“You tell me…” I groaned as I rolled over onto my side and pushed myself up.
“You know you look a lot shorter since I last saw you.”
“Don’t even start with that.” I said recounting all the times my friends teased me back in High School and College because of my height. “How the hell did you do that?”
“Well magic of course.”
“That wasn’t magic…”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Oh really than what was it?”
I placed a hand over the spot I landed on as I stood back up. “I don’t know… witchcraft or something.”
“Witchcraft is magic, Gun–”
“I told you not to call me by that, my name is Lee,” I said through clenched teeth growing even more agitated. I swear if I get called gun one more time I’m gonna punch something.
"S-sorry, I'm use to telling myself to call you Gun Rose.”
“You still haven’t answered my question.” I groaned trying to ease myself of the fresh pain that surged out of my head.
“Oh right, look under your collar.” I glanced down at my jacket and pulled back the collar, only to see my suit. “Your other collar, Lee.”
Taking off my Lion’s jacket I tossed it on the bed and undid the top button of my business suit and reached under my shirt. I felt something gently scrape across my fingers. “What the heck?” I grabbed the object which felt like a string. I pulled it out and noticed it was a necklace that had a small silver coin on the end of it. “Why didn’t I notice this earlier? What is this?” I looked at her, Celestia had a large smile on her face.
“It’s a necklace of course.”
“I can see that smartass, but what does this have to do with horses seeing me as one of them?” I asked now getting even more aggravated.
“It’s an enchanted necklace Discord, my sister and I created especially for you. It casts a magical force field around you. The castle staff that have low magical abilities will see and know you as Gun Rose, the princess’s personal unicorn butler. Where as anypony else off castle grounds will just see you as a normal pony. However, for higher beings such as myself we will see you for who you truly are.”
“Butler,” I gawked. “You’re saying I’m your personal butler?”
“In the meantime yes.”
“What if I don’t want to be your butler?”
“Well I did hear that the moon is rather nice this time of year.”
“What the fuck does that have to do with anything–?” The silver coin in my hand vanished in a single flash. Only to return, seconds later in my hand completely frozen and chilling my hand instantly to the very bone.
“Ah! Shit!” I flung the coin necklace to the ground and stuck part of my frozen hand in my mouth which had lost all its feeling. “Where the fuck did you take that thing, the North Pole?!”
“No, the moon,” She corrected me with her professional poker face. I swear she’d be a master poker player if she ever actually sat down for one.
“You’re kidding right?”
She looked at me with a deadpan expression.
No she wasn’t kidding, this bitch was fucking serious! This psychotic bitch was threatening to send me to the moon!
Celestia put a hoof to her mouth as she giggled. “I’m only messing with you, Lee. No, I would not send you to the moon. Do you honestly think I’m that heartless?”
“After that act, yes! Yes I do!” I said slightly panicked as I blew warm air on my cold hand. Slowly my nerves began to reactivate only to greet me with a throbbing pain.
“I can have fun too, Lee.”
“Ouch, well you have some fucked up sense of humor.” I grunted as I shook my hand trying to ignore the pain. But as I did that, I got an idea. Looking at the princess I asked her a question, “If you can teleport something all the way to the moon, why don’t you just teleport me back home?”
Her wings ruffled once again, as she looked at me with that straightest face. What the hell does that mean? “Well I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know where you live.”
I smiled. “United States of America, Dansville New York on Pine Street, teleport me there and I can walk the rest of the way home.” I explained and crossed my arms in satisfaction.
Celestia looked deep in thought seconds later she looked at me and shook her head. My heart dropped. “I’m sorry, Lee, but I don’t know where America is at.”
“Wait what do you mean you don’t know where America is at?!”
“Lee, wherever you’re from, it’s obviously not from this world. In order for me to teleport something, or go somewhere, I must have been there. Or I must have a clear picture of said place.”
“Eh, okay.” I said growing uneasy. “That shouldn’t be too hard,” I began to check my jacket and my pockets. “If I can just find my phone, I can show you… dammit please don’t tell me I forgot it?!”
“There is one way.” Celestia said causing me to stop what I was doing.
“And what’s that?” I asked fully intrigued.
“If you give me some time… maybe a month, I’ll do all I can in order to find your world.” She said with a large, calm smile on her face as she rubbed her right leg with her other hoof.
“A-a month,” my mouth dropped open.
“Lee, magic is a very hard concept. Not even I can fully tame such a great beast; things like this must take time. It’s not like I can open a rift and stick my head through it and find your world right off the bat,” She explained.
“But what about my family, my job, CHRISTMAS?!” The thought of being away from my wife and daughter for such a long period of time terrified the hell out of me, let alone not being able to spend the happiest day of the year with them. “They might think I’ve gone missing, or worse, they might think I’m dead. They’ll be devastated!”
“I’m sorry, Lee, but it’s the best I can do. Trust me; this month will go by faster than you think.” She said in a calming tone.
“To you it might, but what about me?” My head began to ache the more my mind began to race. I winced and placed my hand against the fabric, which was now soaked. “Ah, shit I’m bleeding… when did that happen?”
“You must have reopened the wound when you fell…” Celestia said as she used her magic to conjure up another white cloth.
“Can’t you just use magic or something to fix it?”
Celestia sighed. “My sister and I already tried and it only had a minor effect–come here, and let me help you with that.” I approached her and sat down. “If there’s one thing I’ve already learned about you since you’re arrival is… you’re similar to the dragons.”
“Wait… what?! I’m part dragon?” They have fucking dragons?!
Celestia Chuckled. “Oh heavens no, far from it really, it’s hard to explain to be honest. What we have uncovered is… think of yourself like a sponge.” She frowned as she tried to think of a good way to explain this to me. Celestia unwrapped the soaked cloth that was around my head; I felt the cold sting of fresh air drifting across the open flesh.
Getting a small glimpse of myself in the mirror behind her, I noticed my once brown hair was a bloodied mess. A deep gash lined the right side of my head from the tip of my ear to the top of my forehead. Jesus how the hell am I even alive?
“A sponge,” Celestia finally said. “Can only hold so much water, and at some point needs to be squeezed… wait no. That doesn’t sound right, once a sponge fully fills up with water it needs to release–”
“Just stop, you’re only making it worse.” I said somewhat understanding what she’s trying to say. “You’re saying that magic doesn’t affect me that well.”
"Yes, I’m happy to see you’re figuring this out.” She smiled down at me and nodded. She continued, “Your body appears to be constantly absorbing it.” Celestia started to wrap the fresh cloth around my head.
“What happens when I need to release?” I said nearly face palming at how terrible that had sounded.
“I honestly don’t know…” She said. “Anything can happen really, if you want an example. My old student, Twilight Sparkle–” Twilight what? “–had a magical outburst once, turned her parents into plants and nearly destroyed half of my school, but in the end she hatched a dragon.”
“Is that all?”
She shook her head. “Oh no, you can end up destroying everything around you, including yourself.”
“Well that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.”
Celestia continued, “You can end up teleporting across the planet.”
“I thought I would have to know where to go in order to do that?”
“As I said, magic is unpredictable.”
“No you didn’t.”
“Well anyways, you can even end up turning into something else.”
“Oh shit.”
“Or even swapping gender.”
“Fuck you can do that?!” I almost pulled away from her in surprise.
Thankfully Celestia had just finished wrapping the cloth around my head. She pushed herself away and raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean, ‘can we do that?’”
“Genderswap, you mean you have transsexuals?”
“Trans– What?” Celestia looked confused.
“Transsexual, a man who went through surgery to become a woman.” I quickly explained.
“Oh no, not at all there’s a special spell we have, which was discovered by my niece. It turns males into females and vice versa, it’s quite common now. Mostly used for well… I think you get the idea.” Celestia blushed.
“I take it you have experience, with this… spell?”
“Wh-What?! Oh, no I would never do such a horrendous act.”
“Then how do you know so much about it…?” I asked growing curious.
“I think this conversation is going a bit too far, so let’s talk about your wo–”
“No, no, no, you got me curious.” I scooched towards her. “And when I’m curious, I want to know. How do you know so much about gender swapping? Did you walk in on your niece or something, when she was having... you know some fun time with her boy friend or something?”
Celestia shifted uncomfortably in her spot. “You know that moon is looking pretty lonely.”
After what felt like countless hours of trying to convince Celestia to tell me about her niece and her–I don’t know if I should say remarkable discovery, or... just flat out weird fetish of turning a man into a woman or vice versa–Celestia finally stepped up off the bed and looked at me with a wannabe calm, but still noticeably irritated look. “Lee, you look rather starved.”
“I mean how do you change some– Starved?” I stopped in mid sentence and looked at her perplexed. “I don’t feel hungry.” My stomach decided to use that opportunity to voice its objection. Okay, maybe she was right. I did feel rather famished. I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything since I’d left my house the night before. The thought of food made my stomach growl and churn, which produced a rather pained grimace on my face.
“How about you and I go down to the dining room and get something to eat?” She asked, her expression settling.
“Eh, ye-yeah that’d be great, let’s go.” I said and pushed myself off the edge of the bed and landed on the ground with a light thump.
Celestia spoke to me as we walked to the door, "I'd also like to give you a small tour on the way there, seeing as this is your future place of employment." The princess stopped suddenly, causing me to almost walk into her. She turned to face me while I tried to forget how embarrassing that could have been. “Oh, and don't forget your necklace. I don't want my subjects panicking over a supposed 'infiltration' by some unknown species."
I nodded my head and turned back to get the necklace. To be honest, I wasn’t really even listening to her. The thought of finally eating something was all I could think about. I picked up the still chilled necklace and looped it over my head before stuffing the coin under my collar. I cringed involuntarily as the cold metal graced my skin, and a shiver ran down my spine while I turned to face Celestia once again. She nodded her head and turned away from me. Her horn lit up and the door swung open. I stood there, still mesmerized by how she did that. “I’m never going to get used to that.” I muttered to myself before following her out.
:[-]:
Celestia led me towards the stairwell at the end of the corridor in the massive tower that we were in. She told me that in the meantime, I'll be staying in the same tower as her. Seeing as I've been forcefully made her personal butler, I might as well live close to my liege. As we walked she told me a few things I must know about their species, but nothing really major. She just told me about why they all have marks on their rumps, and that there are four races. Horse, flying horse, horse with a horn, and flying horse with a horn… I’ll be honest and say: I wasn’t really paying attention. However, I’ll justify myself and say it was because I felt as if I was starving.
I hadn’t eaten anything in–I glanced out a window. The sun was almost three fourths its way through the sky, I assumed it was probably around six o’clock. That would’ve meant I hadn’t ate or drank anything for almost a whole twenty four hours. I’m surprised I’m not even on the floor dying! Well, I’ll admit I was kinda overreacting a little, but the only thing that plagued my mind was the prospect of a nice casserole chicken with a little bit of mash potatoes. Just like the kind my wife would make, save for the mash potatoes, that was all me. Maybe add some gravy for a little extr–
“– Just across from us,” Celestia said gesturing towards a window that showed us another large tower on the opposite end of the castle. “Is my sister, Luna’s tower. That is where she and her aides stay.”
I shook my head. Dammit Lee pay attention! “Not to seem pushy, but could we just get to the dining hall? Because I don’t know if you’ve realized, but I haven’t eaten anything since I left home yesterday.” I said trying to push things along.
Celestia nodded her head. “Oh, of course. I’m sorry if I seem talkative. It’s been a long time since I had to show one of my personal butler’s around… at least personally that is. Usually it’s Pens Worth that does all the touring around now a days,” We reached the stairwell and began to head down. “Don’t tell him I said this, but he can be a controller.”
“Well by the way you make it sound, he is the one that is in control,” I said clutching my gut that wouldn’t shut up.
Celestia pursed her lips. “Well he is, but what I’m saying is he likes to control everything. Even things that aren’t supposed to be in his control.” she explained.
“Well you are his boss,” I stated. “Why not fire him?”
“And ruin his dream?”
“Dream?” I took a quick glance toward her.
“I never asked him, but I can tell by looking at him, and the way he looks at me. It’s that he wants to be my personal butler.” She said.
I smiled. “It sounds like you got a little admirer.”
Celestia chuckled and stepped onto the flat marble floor that reached out to a large hallway full to the brim with paintings. Each one seemed to be portraits of famous politicians and war generals. There was even one at the very end that appeared to be a pony similar to Celestia but the only difference was that her mane was red and wasn’t flowing.
“I guess you could say so. The dining hall is this way, Lee.” She said, taking my attention away from the massive paintings.
“Sorry.” I began to follow her down the hallway. “Say, Celestia?” I asked.
Celestia looked back at me with a confused look, I guess she nobody calls her by her first name too often. “Yes, Lee?” She finally asked after a few passing seconds.
"If this, Pens Worth, is competing for your personal butler. What happened to the guy, or girl that previously worked for you?” I asked taking a quick jog just to catch to her.
“It’s kind of a sad tale really, but it’s something I’ve grown accustomed to over the past thousand years–”
W-w-wait, what the fuck? Th-thousand years, did I just hear that right? This woman is over a thousand years old… I don’t know if I should be awed by this or… No, screw it, I’m awed! A thousand years old? But she only sounds like she’s… if my horse facts are right she only looks and sounds like she’s in her thirties.
“Whoa…” Is all I said, Celestia looked back at me and giggled.
“Not the first time I got that reaction, and certainly won’t be the last either.” Celestia said with a smile that slowly cascaded down into a sad frown.
“What happened?” I asked her with a raised eyebrow wondering to myself how many butlers she has had in the past, also how old she truly was. Seriously over a thousand years? Damn I thought thirty-six was at the brink of old age!
Celestia released a suspense filled sigh. “He did what all other ponies do when their service comes to an end.”
“Oh...” I said as the plainly obvious realization struck me. I shamefully lowered my head in respect.
“He retired.”
“Wait what?” My head shot back up, while a confused look slapped my face like a thrown pie.
“Oh, Burgundy was a phenomenal butler, always telling jokes and making sure that I’m on schedule.” Celestia explained.
“Oh... heh, okay. Phew...” I smiled.
“Is something wrong, Gun?” Celestia asked me as she turned her head back.
“I thought I said don’t call–” I began but Celestia stopped me when she cleared her throat and gestured towards the two guards who were stationed by a set of large wooden doors. “Oh, excuse me, Princess,” God if I ever say that again, I give you permission to kill me. “I must have mistaken what you said with... something else.” I said with a poor excuse of a posh accent, that sounded more like one of those English snob stereotypes.
Through the corner of my eye I saw one of the guards looking at me funny. “Evening, Princess.” The guard on the left said as he opened the large door which released a loud creak as it slowly swung open.
I watched it open and stepped through with a smirk. “What do you got in here? King Kong?”
“Excuse me,” Celestia turned her head away from the guard she seemed to be exchanging pleasantries with.
I frowned, and like that she killed the joke. Then again that’s something I was going to have to keep reminding myself that no one is going to get my references. My stomach growled with increasing impatience. “Never mind,” I said. “Lets just get something to eat.” I looked at her, and one of the guards who tilted his head to the side just like Shimmering Grace did when she was confused. “Did I do–” I stopped and realized I wasn’t even using my fake sophisticated voice. “I mean, oh.” I slipped into the accent. “I am feeling quite famished. I say, how about we–”
By the look on Celestia’s face I couldn’t tell if she was either trying to restrain herself from facepalm– I mean hoof, or laughing at how much of a fool that I was making myself out to be.
Celestia looked to one of her very concerned looking guards. “Please don’t mind him, Gun and I had a few drinks earlier back in my room, he just had a little too much that’s all.” She said with a fake guilty smile.
The guard’s jaw dropped and he looked to Celestia. “Your, Highness, you know what Princess Luna said about getting into the wine cabinet!”
Celestia rolled her eyes and waved a hoof to the side. “Yes I know, and she won’t get frustrated as long as you don’t tell her.”
Both guards straightened up and nodded their heads. “Yes, your Majesty!”
Celestia looked at me. “Go on ahead and get yourself situated, Mr. Rose, I’ll be there in a minute.” Celestia gestured for me to go on ahead of her.
Turning away from her I examined the largest rip off of any fantasy movie dining hall, preferably Harry Potter, but then again almost every medieval dining hall is the same. Dammit! I’m dazing off again. The room was massive, almost the size of a city street you would see in New York. Like the hallways, this room was also lined with paintings and even a few stain glass windows. On the left side a red carpet led me towards the long table in the center. The table itself was out lined by chairs and had a pretty white cloth draped over it like a bed sheet that had pink flower designs that zig zagged along the edges. And on the sheets, were sets of decorative plates and utensils. In all honesty, I don’t even see why these ponies even need utensils. They don’t even have hands so I don’t even see the point in having them. Maybe to look nice I don’t know. Out of the corner of my eye, on the other side of the dining room, one of the few doors swung open and in came a unicorn butler who was holding a silver platter with his magic. Okay I guess that kind of explains why they have forks and spoons.
I made my way over to the table, pulling out one of what seemed like few dozen small chairs. I bent down to the point to where I might as well be crouched. After I finally made contact with the chair and attempted to get myself comfortable, I felt like a grown man sitting at the children's table at a family reunion. Yes I’m short, but it still felt as if I was crouching more than sitting.
I rested my elbows on the table and folded my hands. While I sat there I found myself drifting off again. Not really along the lines of sleeping, but more or less about the pickle I have gotten myself into... Well, forced into by the sound of it.
As real as it seems, and I hate to admit it, but I still can’t come to terms with everything around me. Damn, I don’t think anyone could. Talking horses, magic, utensils that aren’t really even needed! The fact that I’m in a castle on the side of a mountain is unbelievable! It’s like a fantasy nerd’s dream come true. Save for the talking horses that is. Speaking of dreams, that was what I felt like I was in. A dream. But if this was a dream? Then why do I feel pain? Why would I possibly dream of something like this? But then that brings up the possibility of drugs–but that’s just a fucking excuse for everything that’s like this. I’ve always been drug free, except for alcohol. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had alcohol before I went to bed. Then again, I don’t ever remember dreaming while drunk, but that’s probably because I was too drunk to even remember the moment. Then there’s always that crappy explanation that always gets under my skin: MAGIC!
Want to know why? Cause you don’t have to explain shit. If that’s the case, I have no clue what I’m going to do. Celestia apparently said that she can’t take me home unless she can find Earth, which is going to take a whole bloody month, in theory that is. But, what if this is a comatosed dream? I have read up on subjects about this that people who have lived their whole lives in a coma. What if this is some type of symbolism? Like, Celestia is my subconscious trying to wake me up, and it’s going to take about a month. That could also explain my severe head wound, and Shimmering Grace. She’s probably a symbolic version of Grace, the real Grace that is... if so, I was kind of bra–
“Why hello there, Mr. Rose. How may I serve you this evening?” Asked an irritated yet still rather elegant voice.
I snapped out of my train of thought and turned to see a white pony wearing a tuxedo... why? I won’t question it, but then again to them I may appear the same way since I’m still wearing my suit. His dark blue mane which had a few lighter shades streaking through it, and it was neatly brushed back. His eyes were half lidded, and his expression looked as if he was getting rather annoyed of me while I just sat there looking at him instead of answering him.
I coughed into my fist. “Excuse me,” I said trying my best to match his tone of voice. “I was just in the middle of... Er, thinking about home–” To them you are at home you dimwit! “Ah-I-I mean my old home, th-that is!” At this point everybody is going to be looking at Celestia and thinking to themselves. She sure is a fucking idiot for hiring this babbling shit.
The butler’s eyes opened fully and he looked at me concerned. “Is everything alright, Mr. Rose? I could get some ice for your head if it’s still bothering you.”
“Nah, I don’t... you know what I changed my mind I think some ice would be great.” I said as my head began to throb do to my growing anxiety of not wanting to mess up any further.
“Would you like me to get you anything else?” He asked.
“Actually yes...” I stopped to think of something that could satisfy my hunger pains. I could go for the chicken casserole, that’s if any of these farm animals could make it. Well, I should go for something light. I shouldn’t eat something as big as that and just go– Fuck it, beef stew it is! “Could you ask the chef to work up a bowl of beef stew for me?” I asked with a smile as I leaned forward in my seat.
The butler’s head jerked back in surprise. “B-beef stew?” He asked losing his professionality for a mere second before quickly regaining it.
“Is there something wrong with that?” I asked completely oblivious to the situation I have currently gotten myself into.
The butler regained his composure and took a few glances around room making sure nobody was eavesdropping. He then leaned towards me cupping one hoof around his mouth. “Mr. Rose,” He hissed into my ear. “Please tell me this some type of cruel joke!”
I leaned away from the pony trying not to gag on his terrible breath. “Why would I be joking? Don’t you see I’m literally dying of starvation?” I stated with my hands.
“You clearly knocked a few screws loose when you took that fall.” He murmured to himself as he leaned away. “Well, I’m afraid to say but we don’t have any beef, but we do have some fish left over after the Griffon ambassadors left.”
“Griffons?” They have griffons here? Alright I’ll admit that’s pretty neat, then again Celestia had already said there were dragons here. I smiled at the thought and turned away from the pony as he walked back towards the doors, which on the other side I presumed to be the kitchen.
“Now you’re just toying with me.” He said as he pushed open the kitchen door and left the room.
I rested my back against the chair and drifted off into space once again. As my mind wandered off, I found myself thinking about something I haven’t thought of since my last conversation with Celestia. I wondered how Alice was taking this. Matter of fact did she even know? What about Grace? How is she going to handle her father being gone for an entire month? Only to have him magically appear out of nowhere?!
My eyes widened at the thought, my heart began to race as my anxiety began to shoot off like a rocket. Sweat began to trickle down my face while I sat there in a trance like state. How are they going to react? I leaned forward once again in my seat, and I rested my head onto the table. Releasing a shaky breath I heard Celestia’s voice coming from the hallway.
“Yes, Flash, I understand... yes, Rose is all right it was only a mere head injury... ” Celestia trailed off into silence listening to the muffled voice I couldn’t make out. “Of course, tell them if they don’t leave we’ll press charges. Now please return to your post.” Again I heard the faint voice mention something before going silent. A moment passed and I heard the steady clicks of Celestia’s hooves as they made contact with the floor.
I took a deep breath before I lifted my head up off the table. I looked at Celestia who was also taking a glance at me. She raised a concerned eyebrow. “Is something bothering you, Lee?” She asked as the door closed behind her signaling that it was okay to refer to me by my real name.
I shrugged. “Well seeing that I woke up in a place I’ve never been before, surrounded by talking farm animals–” This comment seemed to offend her. “–and I won’t be able to see my wife and daughter for an entire month... Yeah, I think I’m quite bothered.” I sarcastically said.
Celestia shrugged my comment off and sat across from me. “You... you have a wife and a daughter?” She asked tilting her head to the side.
“Well yes, yes I do.” I said leaning back, I really need to sit still in my seat. My mind began to drift back towards my family and my stress began to build I began to build once I again. I felt like I was being smashed like a car in a compactor. Just like before when I walked in, the same butler from earlier came out to greet the Princess.
“Just get me the usual, Gold,” She said without even taking a glance at him.
“Yes, your Highness.” He quickly turned and trotted back towards the kitchen.
“Answer me this, Lee,” Celestia shifted in her chair while keeping a rather professional look with me. I raised an eyebrow. “What is your wife’s name?”
I frowned. “Why would you want to know that?”
The butler returned seconds later with our dishes and my bag of ice, damn that was fast, I thought as the Butler stopped in front of our table. “Well Lee,” Celestia said, the Butler’s ears perked up at the sound of my real name.“Seeing that...” Celestia’s right eyebrow raised at the sight of the confused looking butler as he placed a salad in front of Celestia and my bag of ice, along with... a poor excuse of fish stew. “You’re back from your trip, ” Trip? What the hell, what trip? “I noticed that you and I don’t really know much about each other.” She clearly lied.
I looked away from Celestia and at the butler, who now seemed to be in some sort of trance. As if he was trying to comprehend what she was just saying. Taking my eyes off him I saw a small flash of light coming from Celestia’s horn which only lasted for what seemed like a millisecond. The butler shook his head. “Excuse me... uh...” The butler glanced around a new confused look stuck on his face.
“Is something wrong, Gold?” Celestia asked with a warm smile.
“I...? Eh... oh yeah right!” He finally remembered. With a bow and a bit of sweat dripping off his face he apologized, “I’m so sorry, please enjoy your dinner.”
Celestia chuckled. “Why thank you, Gold.” The butler nodded his head and began backing out. “Don’t leave just yet, Gold.” Celestia’s eyes softened. “You look stressed, take the rest of the week off and enjoy the holiday with your family.”
Gold’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “R-really!” He dropped to his knees. “Why, thank you, Princess! You don’t know how much this means to me!”
“Oh, I think I do.” She mumbled to herself.
“Excuse me?”
“Oh nothing.” Celestia turned away and snickered.
Gold stood up and nodded his head. “Thank you once again, Princess.” Gold turned away from us and practically pranced out of the room.
Once the door closed my brow furrowed and glared at her. “What the Hell was that all about?!” I gestured towards the door.
Celestia looked at me slightly shocked. “I was giving him the week off to celebrate Hearths Warming with his family.”
“Oh don’t even pull that bullshit with me, Tia!” I snapped. “I saw what you did to him, with that witchcraft of yours! You... did some type of spell or something!”
“Oh you don’t even know what you’re talking about.” Celestia laughed as she stabbed her salad with her fork.
“Of course I don’t, that’s why I’m asking you!” I grasped my ice that was wrapped in a few layers of napkins and rested it on my sore head.
“Remember when I said, all ponies will see and know you as Gun Rose my personal butler?” She asked.
“As long as I have this necklace on, yeah,” I said using my other hand to take the necklace out from under my suit.
“Well as I said, they know you. Quite literally, to them you’ve worked and lived here for over three years as my butler. Also you attended my school for gifted unicorns, and you’re best friends with my personal guard whose name is Flash Sentry.” Celestia explained.
“...Really?” I asked as I grabbed my fork. “This little...” I glanced down at the silver coin that was draped around my neck. “Necklace... tells them my... fake life story?”
Celestia nodded her head. “I created the story, Luna gathered the materials, and Discord did the enchanting and brainwashing.”
Not bothering to ask who the other two were, I just sat there in awe. “Kind of fucked up really if you ask me.” I said as I shook my head. “You didn’t even give the man time to explain himself. Hell, what if he didn’t even hear the full thing?”
Celestia shook her head. “Lee, we can’t take any chances.” She took her fork and impaled more of her dinner. “What you witnessed, was me slightly re-adjusting your story.”
“What do you mean you can’t take any chances? Why not just tell everyone who I am, why keep this a secret from everybody?” I asked poking a piece of the nasty pink fish... honestly I didn’t even think it was fish, with my fork. “Why go through the trouble brainwashing your own people? That’s practically tyranny, no, that’s worse!”
Celestia sighed. “I know Lee, I don’t enjoy it either. And to be honest, I almost did inform my subjects of your arrival. However, my sister Luna warned me that if I did the thought of an Alien creature from a whole other world they would throw the entire council into a fit.” Celestia explained as she nibbled on her leaves.
“Council?” I took a quick glance at her.
“It’s complicated,” She quickly said. “Basically, it’s all the chairmen and other government bullcrap I don’t really want to get into.”
“Well that’s not really princess like,” I said raising an eyebrow at her ‘curse’ as I impaled one of the pink pieces of fish. I sighed rolled my eyes. “But I know what you mean, I hate talking about politics. Still though, you really had to go with brainwashing?” I swallowed the lump in my throat and stuck a bit of fish in my mouth. “Ah fu–”
Words couldn’t even begin to describe what I had tasted. Instantly my throat clogged up refusing to ingest the disgusting excuse of fish. I dropped my ice and clutched my throat with my right hand while I grasped onto the table with my left. Gagging I leaned over the side of the table and finally throw the fish back up. “Gah!”
“Oh my, Lee, are you alright!”
“They could’ve at least cooked the damn thing!” I gasped for air and occasionally swatted at my tongue as I tried to rid myself of the horrid taste.
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
I couldn’t see her expression but judging by her voice, she actually sounded extremely worried. She sounded a lot like a worried a mother more than a friend or even a boss. “Don’t be,” I said as I pulled myself back up. I shoved the dish to the side, “Say... could I have part of that salad?”
Celestia nodded and levitated a few of the green lettuce leaves over towards me. “I am truly sorry, most ambassadors or even other governors who are carnivores don’t even eat cooked flesh. The Chef must of have made it out of a force of habit.”
“Or the jerk is just trying to kill me–”
“Now don't go talking like that around me,” She snipped.
There she goes again. Now that I think about it this isn’t the first time she’s been acting like this. The way she called me over and bandaged my head, I could’ve easily done that myself. Also, if this woman is a being that is over thousands of years old, why does she worry about this council freaking out? Couldn’t she just use her witchcraft to brainwash all of them? It feels like she’s doing all of this personally for me as if she’s trying to make me fit in. Oh Celestia, my dear, I think I’m beginning to catch on to what you’re doing here. I know you’re hiding something, and when I find out, Oh there’ll be Hell on Earth–er, I mean. Damn, what’s the name of this place again?
“So...” I trailed off trying to think of something else to say. “You brainwashed that guy earlier?”
“Well,” She chewed on her food. “Kind of, I more or less rearranged his memories.”
My jaw nearly struck the table. “You can freaking do that?”
“Well for a being that’s well developed in the magical field, it’s actually not that hard. If a unicorn wanted to he or she could actually learn it before they even learn teleportation.” She took a drink of water. “But don’t worry memory tinkering is illegal.”
“So you broke your own law?”
“Only to keep things in order yes.” She nodded her head. “Now you still haven’t answered my question.”
I looked at her confused. “What question?”
“What’s your wife’s name?”
I shrugged. “What the Hell,” I said. “Her name is Alice.”
“Now that’s an unusual name,” Her head tilted as she thought about it.
“What’s wrong with her name?” I frowned.
“N-nothing, it’s just that if you haven’t noticed our names are far from different compared to yours.” Celestia defended herself.
She does have a point there, and matter of fact, what the fuck is up with their names? No really, Gold? Okay I’ll admit I do like that, but then you got... what was it Flash Sentry? Then there was Shimmering Grace, Luna... I think she said something about Discontent... I dunno. Or was it–
“How long have you two been married?” She drove me out of my thoughts.
“Sorry what?” I asked.
“How long have you been together?” Her fork clanged against the her plate as she sat it down.
I took a bite of the few pieces of lettuce I appeared to have been munching over the course of my thoughts without even knowing it. “Fifteen years now, it’ll soon be sixteen years on December twentieth...” What’s the date? I looked at her. “I-I can’t seem to remember that much... what’s the date today?”
“The twenty third, just a day away from the Hearths Warming Eve theatrical play.”
At those exact words, I felt my heart literally shatter like a hammer through glass. I felt my eyes go heavy, not because I was tired, but because I didn’t want her to see my reaction. Resting one hand over my eyes, I leaned back in my chair. My breathing became ragged and at that moment I didn’t really feel anything.
“Lee?” Celestia asked in that once nervous yet motherly tone.
I waved my left hand to the side. “I-... I...” I was at a lost for words. My throat felt like sandpaper (mostly because I hadn’t had anything to drink). My heart raced and the stress that’s been building up throughout the day was at the point to where I felt like I was Atlas holding up the entire world. “I’m j-... I’m just gonna go to bed,” I said pushing my chair out from under the table.
“Lee, please you can tell me anything. Trust me whatever you need, I can help you.” Celestia said.
I stood up and began walking towards the door. “Help me with this then,” I said stopping right in front of the door. “Help me by taking me back to Alice.”
Lee, there’s something I have been meaning to tell you...
Beep! Beep! Beep!
I. Am . A. Human. Being!
Beep! Beep! Beep!
If you don’t calm down, you’ll ruin everything we’ve been working towards!
Beep! Beep! Beep!
She never stopped looking for you...
:[-]:
My eyes shot open at the sound of my blaring alarm clock. My gaze locked onto the bright white ceiling above me, as a matter of fact the entire room I was in was white. I pushed myself onto my elbows and observed the layout of this familiar room; to my right was a brown oak dresser that had, hanging on the wall just above it, a vanity mirror and just across from me was a opened closet. Inside the closet, on the right, were T-shirts and suits meant for men, while on the left were tops that were meant for women.
It took me a few good minutes to process on where I was. But as it began to settle and sink in, I felt this strong feeling building up in my chest. This indescribable feeling of... joy, I guess. A smile began to pierce my lips as I finally found out where I was... I was home, I was right all along, it was just a goddamn dream! Not caring if Alice was sleeping beside me or not. I laughed out loud, not a quiet laugh either. A laugh that echoed around my room, bouncing off the walls and making its way outside into the hallway and down the steps. I laughed so hard my stomach began to hurt and I found myself clutching at mysides.
“Lee! Is everything alright up there?” Said a voice.
I stopped dead. It was Alice that spoke. For a mere second I almost didn’t recognize her voice. It felt like ages since the last time I heard her. “Eh...” I swallowed. “Ye-yeah.” I responded cautiously for some reason.
“What’s so funny?”
I needed to think of a reply, I couldn’t tell her the whole story but I needed to think of something. “Nothing it was nothing, just read something funny that’s all!” I glanced at the alarm clock that was still going berserk. Two o’clock in the afternoon it read. “What am I doing waking up this late in the day–”
:[-]:
“Hey, Honey, how was the meeting?” Alice asked as she dusted off the coffee table while I walked in covered almost head to toe in snow. Outside since this morning it’s been snowing uncontrollably. I remember on the ride home the weather man stated that this is going to be the largest snowstorm in three years.
I took off my Lions jacket. “Boring as always, honestly...” I took deep breath expecting another lecture to come after I finished talking. “I hardly paid any attention. Most of the time we were either looking at charts or listening to Mr. Currier give an inspirational speech on how we achieved so much this year!” I said with fake enthusiasm, doing jazz hands for extra effect.
Alice laughed. “You know what I said about dozing off during work.”
I sighed, having nailed that assumption right on the head. I hung my jacket back up. “Don’t worry, I still got everything done,” I turned my head to look at her. “Besides, all I did was fill out a few papers and hand Currier his lines.”
“Still, I don’t want you missing anything,” Alice straightened out her back and folded her dusting rag.
I yawned and quickly made an excuse to opt out of this daily lecture. “Sorry to cut our reunion short, but I only got like one hour of sleep last night,” I began heading towards the stairs. But stopped only to remember one last thing. “Oh yeah, thought you should know, but some crazy ass pickup driver nearly rammed me off the road last night.”
Alice turned towards me, her eyes wide with shock and her hand covering her mouth.“Oh damn, are you alright... is the other driver alright?”
I waved my hand to the side. “Yes I’m alright, so is the other driver, just a small dent on his bumper when he slammed into a street light...–”
:[-]:
“Well okay then, I left you something to eat on the counter before you go!”
I snapped back to reality. “Wh-w-what the fuck was that?!”
“Excuse me?” Alice called up from the stairs.
“Sorry, I wasn’t talking about you!” I nearly flung the sheets off my bed when I swung my legs over the side. For a second I was still expecting myself to be in my suit, instead I was wearing my baggy jeans and plain red T-shirt.
“Lee, are you sure you didn’t get hurt in that accident?”
“Yes, I’m alright, Alice!” I pushed myself off the bed began looking around my room for my shoes. What does she mean before I go? Where am I going? And that... flashback I remember it so clearly. Every word, action, and thought, could this actually be real? I shook my head and smiled, of course it is! Why wouldn’t it be?
“You better be, well I’m heading out now. I’ll see you after six!” Heading out? where could she be going–
:[-]:
Alice gave me a peck on the cheek before I went upstairs. “Well, I’m glad to see that you’re okay.”
I smiled. “I love you to, Alice.” I said as I turned back towards the stairs.
“Oh, Lee, could you wait?” Alice said apologetically.
“Wh-what is it?” I asked in a worried tone, spinning to face her.
“Today is Grace’s last day of school before break and they’re letting out early, but I won’t be home to pick her up.”
I frowned. “Where are you going?” I asked taking my foot off the step.
“Leesha called off sick today, and I have to take her place at the retirement home.” Alice briefly explained while she made her way towards the laundry room.
“But Alice, I just got home.” I complained half-seriously as I followed her into the hallway.
“I knew you wouldn’t be happy about this,” She mumbled.
“Couldn’t you just get somebody else to do it for you?” I asked seriously whilst speaking with my hands, a common thing I did when I became aggravated.
Alice opened the laundry room door and stepped in, bending over she picked up a basket of fresh clothes. I stood in the doorway and watched her as she worked. “I already tried, but most of the others are already taking their vacation, or their schedules are too tightly packed.”
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Alright,” I took a few moments of silence. “I take it you want me to pick Grace up from school than? Anything else you want me to do while I’m out?” I asked.
Alice nodded her head and brushed past me and began heading into the living room. I followed. “Yes, and no. I’ll stop at the grocery store on the way back.” She stated. “I’ll only be gone for a few hours. I’m just heading in to check up on Mr. Piccard and Mrs. Roseline. After that Kurt said he’ll take over.” Alice placed the basket on the sofa and took out a pair of jeans.
I stopped just behind the sofa and looked at her while she folded them. “Alright, sounds like a plan. When does Grace get off school?”
“Two twenty-five sharp.” Alice paid no attention to me as she spoke. Instead she stood their focusing on the jeans as if she was defusing a bomb. “Be careful when you get there though. Trying to get out of that school is a living Hell.”
“Alrighty then...” I yawned. “I’m going to sleep now.”
“Remember, two twenty-five...”
:[-]:
My eyes blinked rapidly as I was brought back to the realm of reality. “Jesus Christ, I need to stop doing that.” I glanced around the room. “Alice?” I called out returning to my quest for shoes. I received no response. I called her name out once again, no response. The house was silent, she must of left while I was in my dream like state.
After what felt like an eternity of searching for my shoes, I finally got the idea to drop down onto my stomach, which to my surprise I and found them deep below my bed. “What the heck are you guys doing under here?” I asked myself out loud as I stretched my arm out and grasped onto them, pulling them out. I pushed myself away from my bed and stood back up, sitting back on my bed I slipped my grey sneakers onto my feet and quickly tied them. Standing up and stretching my sore arms once again, I walked over to my nightstand and turned off my alarm clock which was still screaming for me to wake up. Once that was finished I took one more glance around the room, my room. The thought that I was actually back home brought a smile to my face, I turned walking towards my door.
Entering the kitchen, I saw that Alice had quickly worked me up a sandwich before leaving. I took the PB&J in my hands and took a bite out of it. Still holding the sandwich in my hands I went into the living room to grab my car keys. As I walked, I felt my foot make contact with one of Grace’s Xbox controllers! “Fuck!” I yelped, startled by the sudden interruption as I stumbled forward. “God dangit,” I grumbled after I regained balance. Turning around, I took the controller in my free hand and placed it back on the entertainment system that made up most of the front half of our living room. “What did I tell her about leaving her toys out, nearly got myself hurt.” I turned away from the T.V. and began heading towards the door.
:[-]:
The sound of the school’s ringing bell and the excited shouts of the school children shot me out of my small nap. “What the hell?” I looked around confused. I was just at home a second ago...? How the hell am I here already?! My mind was interrupted by the continuous flashes of me driving to the school, a single image of a man cutting me off, along with a similar tall figure watching me in the distance, and me being caught by a red light. After the images stopped coursing through my mind like a runaway train, my eyes widened and my head shot up. That second to last image burrowed into my mind, a tall dark figure watching me out of the corner of my eye, similar to the creepy as shit white one that watched me.
Spinning around in my car seat I looked over my shoulder, hoping to get another glimpse at what I saw in my flashback as you could call it. Nothing, I saw nothing except for the endless waves of children who were either boarding the buses or going to their parents. “Daddy!” I heard a familiar voice shout. “Look at what I made!” I glanced out my car window and saw my young daughter running towards me. She wore her usual pink winter coat, and her non matching blue beanie. “Daddy, Daddy!” She shouted again as she reached the car, she opened the door. “Look at what I made,” she said opening the door, she held out a drawing in front of my face.
Forgetting all traces of the tall creature, I smiled. “Whoa, now...” I stopped to observe the image I now held in my hands. It appeared to be a crayon drawing of some sorts, in the center was a large circular object with a diamond like shape sticking out of it. The background was blue with a few green squiggles I couldn’t make out. “What’s this supposed to be?” I asked trying not to sound rude.
“I drew shark!” She happily said with the biggest smile on her face.
“Really now?” I took another glance at the drawing.
“Yeah, see, it has a fin and everything–” “Yeah, see, it has a fin and everything–”
The voices said in unison. I froze dead in my seat, eyes wide, my mind constantly playing the word Deja Vu over and over. I remember this, I’d been through this before... well I don’t remember when, nor could I recall the details. But this conversation, I remember this part. Shaking my head to rid myself of those absurd thoughts, I smiled and looked at Grace. “How about we hang this up on the fridge when we get home?” It’s just a coincidence. It has to be.
:[-]:
I pulled my car up into the driveway, setting it on park I opened the door and stepped out into the cold snow. But before I closed the door, I frowned. Okay this is just fucking weird now... I was just at the school not even five seconds–wait! Wait, before I continued I knew that if I continued to try and connect the dots, I was just going to be smacked in the face with another flash back, or whatever the hell they are.
“Daddy, are you okay?” Grace asked tugging on my pant leg.
“Yeah, thank you for asking. How about we go hang up your drawing.” I said.
Grace looked at me and tilted her head. “What drawing?”
I frowned. “Wh-what do you mean, the one you showed me earlier, you know the sharks?” I glanced down at her, in her hand she held a red cup with a straw. She wasn’t wearing her backpack, and the strangest thing of all was that her clothes were different. Her once pink jacket was now a dark shade of purple, her non matching beanie was now blue and her hair was neatly tucked under it. “Where did you...?” I trailed off into silence.
“I dunno.” She said as she brushed past me and began heading towards the front door. “Thanks for the ice cream!”
My eyes followed her as she pranced up the steps and onto the porch. “What... I, I never... what?!” My mind drew a blank. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend what was going on. None of this made sense! When did I get her ice cream? I thought I was at the school, why is she wearing different clothing? I tilted my head back into the car, confused I needed some clarification, I turned the radio back on to check the clock. I frowned. The clock read: Thursday, December Twenty Sixth.... “The day after Christmas,” this wasn’t adding up. Am I in the fucking Matrix or something? Jesus Christ, I couldn’t have gotten her ice cream! It’s near the end of December, the nearest Dairy Queen is closed–!
:[-]:
“What flavor would you like, sir?” The cashier asked.
“Just get me the usual strawberry banana.” I said as I handed her my money.
“What about your daughter?” She asked while placing the money in the cash register.
“Chocolate would be good!” She squeaked.
“Alright then,” She giggled. “It’ll be ready in a few seconds–”
:[-]:
I slammed the car door shut and glanced back down at the snow. There was no need for the damn flashback! I already remembered everything, but that brought about a whole different question. Why do I keep having these random moments of amnesia? It’s like somebody’s messing with my mind... Could it be Celestia fucking with me? The same way she manipulated her own workers like the cold hearted bitch she made herself out to be. Yeah, I said it, her looks don’t –NO! NO! Stop acting like she’s real, because she ain’t. She’s just some creepy figment of your imagination, Lee... Just think about the happy things, what makes you happy?
I could feel my right hand beginning to freeze as I gazed down at the random Dairy Queen cup I held in my hand. “Wh–I don’t even... What?” I glanced over my shoulder for some reason, as if I was afraid somebody was watching me. “Please let this be real.” I pleaded as I looked back at the frozen treat. I brought the straw to my lips and took a sip. The cold mixture of strawberries and bananas flooded my mouth as I gulped down the shake. Closing my eyes, I grinned.
“Daddy, come here! I want you to meet someone!” Grace called to me as she leaned out the open front door of our house.
I raised an eyebrow and looked at her. “What do you mean?” I began to walk up the concrete path that led to my front porch. “You want me to meet someone? But nobody’s here.” I once again glanced over my shoulder. I kept getting this odd feeling, like I was being watched! I looked back to Grace. “How did you open the front door without my keys–”
“Thou shalt perish for harming thy princess!” A voice boomed from within my living room.
Fatherly instincts kicking in I quickly made my way passed Grace. Racing into my living room I stopped and turned to whoever was in here. “What the Hell do you think you’re doing in my...” I began to shout but once again trailed off into silence when I noticed the tall blue alicorn sitting on my couch levitating Grace’s Xbox controller in front of her face. Her eyes fully focused on the T.V before her, the dark pony lowered the controller, her head turning as she gently placed the controller onto the coffee table. Her turquoise eyes lining up with mine; as my mind fully came to terms with what was going on I literally felt my heart drop.
The Alicorn coughed into her hoof before speaking. “I do apologize for my rude behavior,” She stepped off my couch.
“Th-this can’t be real...” I croaked and took a few steps back. My eyes quickly ran over to Grace who was standing by the door; her face emotionless, her body still like a statue. I swore her appearance shimmered like dew in the early morning light. “Grace,” I said her name once again. I glared back at the alicorn. “What did you do to her?!” A few seconds passed and I received no response. I could feel the rage building in the pit of my stomach.“What did you to my dau–!”
“I did nothing,” The mare finally replied her voice growing hushed. “And she can’t hear you, Lee...” Her expression began grow in guilt. “Unless you want her to.”
I couldn’t reply, how did she know my name? What does she mean that she can only hear me if I want her to?
“Mr. Harrison, I know this may be hard for you, but I’m the Goddess of the night. My domain includes the dreams of my subjects. Right now, we’re in the deep half of your sub-conscious and right as we speak your conscious is finally acknowledging the fact that we are in a dream...” I didn’t listen to her instead I stood there focused on Grace, her body still shimmering as it has been since I first entered.
“What do you mean we’re in my mind...?” I asked not looking at her. “What’s wrong with Grace... what did you do to her?”
She sighed. “Mr. Harrison, as I said, I did nothing, and as much as it pains me to break this to you... That isn’t your daughter–”
I took a few steps towards the back of the sofa, jamming my finger in rage at her. “What do you mean that isn’t my–”
The mare silenced me with a wave of her hoof. “She isn’t real, Lee, at least in this realm she isn’t. Right now we are in the world of dreams, she cannot move now because your conscious has finally come to a realization.” She explained again.
I quirked an eyebrow. “What are you talking about...? Who the hell are you?”
She walked back to her spot on the sofa, and tapped the spot beside her beckoning me to sit. “You’re dreaming, Lee Harrison, look around you.” She gestured towards the room. “None of this is real, your subconscious no longer has control of the realm. Instead,” She pointed a hoof at me. “You have control. She won’t, move, talk, or think unless you make her.” She sat back down waiting for me to come to her.
“O-okay, but that doesn’t answer my other question,” I said cautiously making my way around the sofa, keeping my eye on her while trying to make sense of everything she was saying. “Who the hell are you? Why are you here? How did you get here–”
“One question at a time, Harrison.” She cut me off and continued. “I am Princess Luna,” Luna? I heard that name before a few times coming out of Celestia’s mouth. “I am the Princess of the Night and the Goddess of dreams. I keep order during the night and make sure all of my subjects are having a good nights rest.” She explained with a smile as if she was proud of what she does. Which to me seems like she’s proud of walking into older men’s dreams and literally scaring the shit out of them, yeah that’s a good nights rest right there kiddies. “For your next question, I’m here because...” She fell silent, trying to think of what to say. “Celestia and I have never seen anything like you, all day while you were sleeping and chatting away with her. I was out in about with Princess Twilight–”
“Princess Who?” I asked.
“Princess Twilight. Please refrain from interrupting me, Lee.”
“You interrupted me earlier.”
“Can you stop acting like a foal and let me explain?”
“Well sorrrrrry, you aren’t the one who just got scared half to death and just learnt that this dream was all a hoax!”
“...”
“That’s what I thought.”
“Princess Twilight and I were out in the old palace, perusing the books of old in an attempt to find out what you are.” She explained, still looking at me with the guilty look... why was she looking at me like that?
“Alright, what does that have to do with you being here now?” I asked while rolling my wrist causing it to pop.
“If you’d just stop interrupting me and actually let me finish, I will be able to tell you.” Luna’s eyes narrowed in on mine while wrinkles began to form at the tips of her eyebrows as they furrowed. Clearly she was getting quite frustrated by my antics and wanted me to stop immediately, so I did. I nodded my head and gestured for her to continue by waving my hand to the side, she frowned and looked at me confused. “Are you done?”
“What are you talking about?” I too was confused. “I’m waiting for you to continue.”
Her eyes widened realizing what I meant. “Oh I’m sorry, my fault.” She cleared her throat. “After Twilight and I were unable to figure out anything, I decided the only way to truly learn everything about you and your kind is to well... look into your mind itself.” She gestured out with a hoof. “So here we are now,” she looked at me and smiled.
I finally sat down guessing that the coast was clear. “So... let me get this straight...” I rested my right elbow on my knee, my chin on the top of my right hand in a thinker position. “You aren’t a figment of my imagination?”
“I’m as real as can be.” She said.
“But all of this,” I waved my hands out gesturing towards everything looking like a mad man. “Is just... part of my mind?”
Luna nodded her head.
“You’re fucking with me.” I deadpanned, as I placed my arms back on my knees.
She shook her head. “Lee, you’re asleep–”
“And I’m just making you say all of this crap?” I gritted my teeth.
The night princess took a long deep breath, and then released. “No... let me explain to you how this all works. Right now, right as we speak. You’re sleeping, but us on the other hand, are awake,” did she just say us, I thought I was the one sleeping? “We-I mean I’m.” She stopped and corrected herself. “I’m sitting in my room reading a novel I’ve been hoping to catch up on in the past one thousand and six hundred years.”
“Jesus Christ, I thought I was–oh I’m so sorry,” I quickly apologized.
Luna rolled her eyes but continued. “While at the same the mental portion of my mind is attending and helping the dreams and nightmares of most of the ponies in Equestria.”
“Is that even physically possible?” I asked, Luna looked at me as if I was dropped when I was child. “It’s a figure of speech,” I said quietly. “Well I think I understand what’s going on here now... sucks really.” I sighed sadly in defeat. “To think... when I woke up, I was actually happy for the first time in... what? Going on forty eight hours now...? I was happy to see Grace, Alice... even Mr. Wilkerson my dick next door neighbor.” I chuckled to myself slowly falling into silence. I licked my lips before I spoke, my voice low and even a bit raspy. “It all felt real... the food I ate, the shows I watched. It all felt... so real!” I rested my forehead in the palm of my hand and breathed heavily.
Few still moments passed before I felt the soft touch of Luna’s hoof on my left shoulder. “That’s because your mind wants it to be real, Lee, it wants you to be happy and not forget the good times.”
“So what... You’re saying I’m in the state of denial?” I looked at her.
She nodded her head. “Exactly, your conciseness isn’t able to comprehend the idea of being in another world.”
“Well... if that was the case why not leave me be... leave me to enjoy myself in my dream world?” I asked. “Why pop up out of nowhere and ruin it for me?”
“Because, Lee, you’re going to have face the truth someday. Reality is harsh and cold, as much as you want to avoid it. You know that someday, it’s going to catch up to you, it’s inevitable ”
“But what if I don’t want to, what if I want to go home. See my daughter again, hug my wife, adopt a dog, see Grace grow up!” I listed the things I wanted, and as I did so Luna’s expression grew even more, and more guiltier.
“And in time you will,” Her voice filled with sadness. “But for now, Lee, you must wait.” She said as her head gently drifted towards the floor..
“That’s the thing, Luna,” I said through clenched teeth. “I don’t want to wait. Matter of fact I can’t, you want to know why? I’ll tell you why, because my family is scared, afraid that I’m possibly dead.”
“You don’t know that?” Her eyes came back up to greet mine.
“I. Was. In. A. Fucking. Car. Wreck!” I roared at the top of my lungs nearly rising up out of my seat. Despite her comforting I wanted pound this horse into submission. “I don’t remember the details but that’s the only way I could’ve gotten those wounds, and the last thing I remember is being in a vehicle.” I said quietly and quickly, trying to keep myself from losing it once again. “That’s the only way I could’ve gotten those wounds, I wasn’t attacked by no fucking animal. If so, where are the bite marks, the scratches the nicks, the nacks? No! Instead I have bruises and a fucking cave in my head, like I was hit by a fucking baseball bat!” I continued to rant. Luna sat there wide eyed watching me as if I was some fucking lunatic.
“How do you think my family is going to react when I show up a month later huh? My wife is going to think I fucking split, left her like a plastic bag in the wind. There aren’t going to be any clues on to where I went, no trails, no crunched up snow, no. Just a fucking empty car in a ditch!” I sat back in the sofa and took a deep breath and groaned.
“What is Grace going to think?” I said my voice drawn out, I tilted my head towards Luna her expression even worse than before. “My eight year old daughter, losing her father... the father she was so close to...” I felt my heart grow heavier. “The little girl I’d sneak out with to see a movie every Tuesday night because the tickets were half off, even though we weren’t supposed to.” I sniffed. “Even though it was still fucking expensive I’d still buy I us both a large soda and popcorn...” I wiped my eyes trying to prevent myself from breaking down. I released a shaky breath and leaned forward once again. “What is she going to think... is she going to be happy to see me? Pssh... I doubt it.” I answered myself. “Celestia says it’s only going to be a month... even if it isn’t, instead let say it’s only going to be about a week, that doesn’t change a fucking thing.”
“Let me tell you something, Luna...” My expression hardening. “Dreams don’t always come true...”
Luna, who was apparently crying now sniffed and asked, “Who told you that?”
“No one... I learned it for myself.” My voice became darker. “You see, like most young kids back in my world... I wanted to be an astronaut. You know–of course you friggin don’t... I wanted to go to space you see... walk on the moon.” I explained taking momentary breaks to catch my breath and calm myself down. “Now unlike most kids who usually change their minds as the years go by... I didn’t, by the time I graduated high school was still determined to go into space.” I coughed into my fist. “But as it turned out... I wasn’t cut out for it, why? I failed my primary math and science course in college freshman year...” I fell silent. “After that, I dropped out... for awhile... I found myself working at a fucking Burger King three years silently, lived in two bedroom apartment by myself with no social interaction. Haven’t spoken to my grandparents since the incident.”
“Why not your real parents?” Luna spoke.
“Mother was a drug addict, and my dad took care of me for most of my life, old man was an engineer for a train company. Died back in ninety four when his locomotive derailed.”
“I’m truly sorry to hear that.”
“Nah, it’s not that bad... the old man was already on the edge as it was... also I think the poor bastard was getting close to cutting the line anyways cause of mom. Anyways...” I stopped trying to figure out where I left off at. “Where was I?” I asked.
“Something about, you working some place called... burger–”
“Ah right, like I said... the revelation broke me, my entire life goal was for me to go into space at least once. When I learned that I wasn’t compatible I thought my life was over. I didn’t have a back up plan, I had hardly any savings... I thought it was over. But... after I met Alice that’s when my dreams changed.” I smiled sadly.
“And what was that?”
“I wanted to be a father.” I said hushed. “Alice sent me back to school and I got a degree in real estate after I studied my ass of in mathematics of course. Four years later out comes Grace, I was already working for Mr. Currier and I began to rise through the ranks quickly,” I began to speed up in talking. “And soon I got the point that I was his assistant!” I began to build up fake enthusiasm. “I was making the big bucks, and soon I learnt that if I kept this up I’d be able to take his place!” I stood up. “And I would be able to supply enough money for us that I’d be able to put it in our savings account! The we’d get out of this shitty house! Maybe move to Florida or even California, you know live where it’s always sunny and not snowing!” I turned towards Luna moving voice switching over to anger I began to shout. “And you want to know what happened to ruin that dream for me?!” I shouted. “Come on guess I know you know, cause I fucking heard you when I was comatosed! Fucking both of you! Drugging me and manipulating your subjects so that they see me as one of them! What? So I could fit in?! Do you have any fucking idea how fucked up that is, toying with people's minds! Jesus Christ!”
I fell back into my seat. “I didn’t want any of this...” I moped. “I never wanted to be here... I don’t want to be some fucking butler... I just... I just want to do what’s right for my family... I-I” I began to choke up. “I j-just want t-to see her a-a-again...” I felt a tear begin to roll down my cheek. “P-p-please...” I turned my head towards her. “I-I j-just want t-to go home...”
Luna closed her eyes and nodded her head. “In time,” she scooched towards me and draped her large wing around my shoulder and pulled me into a hug. “You’ll see your family again, trust me I’ll do whatever it takes to get you home.” She said her eyes full of guilt. I buried my eyes into her coat and weeped for the first time in many years, I cried like a young child who has lost his favorite toy. A boy lost in the supermarket separated from his family desperately looking, only to believe that he’ll never find them ever again even though that they’re only a few aisles over.
A few moments of silence passed while I cried silently, I felt Luna shift. “Come on, I know what will cheer you up.”
I sniffed and pulled away, embarrassed I rubbed my eyes. “I-I’m sorry,” I said in a low whisper.
“There is nothing to be sorry about, Lee, I know what it feels like to be alone. I have gone through and done such terrible things in my life, which have made me feel separated from everypony. I know what you’re going through is tragic, and trust me. Celestia knows what she’s doing is wrong and she feels devastated because of it, she is not out to hurt you or any of her subjects.”
I raised an eyebrow. “She doesn’t seemed devastated by it.”
“That’s because, my sister is the biggest liar I know, she’s only acting that way because she is working trying to look professional. But if you were to see her in her quarters or in the garden, you’ll know her for who she truly is.” She explained. “Now take this.” Luna levitated the controller off the coffee table and tossed it towards me a little too hard.
“What the?!” I caught it before it could hit me in the face. “What’s this for?”
“We’re going to cheer you up by playing a game!” Luna beamed.
My eyes clenched due to the bright rays of light that entered through the large glass balcony door on the far right side of my quarters. Pushing myself up into a sitting position I scrapped my knuckles across the under parts of my eyes rubbing the tiredness and the dry crust out from under them. “Now...” I mumbled to myself recalling the odd life like dream I had over the night. “That was complete bull crap,” my voice tired and irritated. “I swore, she had to be cheating! That was clearly a head shot!” I flung the thick red blanket off of me. The cold air hitting my body, a shiver forced out of me as I swung my legs to the side. “Dodged it my ass...” I mumbled through chattering teeth. Grasping onto the sheets I used them to push myself off the bed.
My feet landed on the soft plush carpet, standing up to full height and rubbing the bottom of my eye once again. Blindly I stumbled around the huge room for minutes as I searched for my shoes, still grumbling angrily about last nights dream. At least I think it was a dream... I threw the blanket that hung off the side of the bed back onto the mattress. Looking around the room my eyes drifted towards the vanity mirror on the left side of the bed, resting up against the wall, my eyes drifted below the desk I continued to search until I noticed the small white reflection against a black surface of my leather shoes. I headed over to them getting down onto one knee I took my nice dress shoes and went back over to the bed and tossed them onto it.
I then went over to the chair that stood by the dresser near the doors to the balcony, where my dress-suit laid neatly draped over the back of the chair and snatched it up and slipped my arms through the sleeves to put it on. After quickly buttoning up and a quick trip to get freshened up for the day in an "almost" blindingly and unmanliest of bathrooms. Afterwards I returned to the room only to find something rather peculiar on the floor.
In the middle of the red carpeted floor sat a white envelope with a golden seal on it, "~Gee now, I only wonder who this could be from.~" I rolled my eyes as I bent down and retrieved the note from its spot on the floor. For a few frustratingly moments I struggled with the damn seal until I ripped the note open. "Well fucking great..." I cursed as I carefully checked to see if I mistakenly ripped the letter in two during my process of getting the damn thing open.
Good, the note is still in one piece. After taking the letter out, I crumpled up the envelope into a ball and tossed it over my shoulder, not even bothering to aim for the garbage can. "Oh..." I said checking out the folded pink piece of paper that had pieces of glitter on it. "She actually managed to decorate it for me..." I smirked. "How cute, I don't see why she would, but meh..." I stopped. "...God, I need to stop talking to myself..." I whispered to myself. Not even a second later I shrugged, "Well, it's not like I'm going to be talking to that many people today..." aannnd I answered myself.
Well that's check two on the list of Insanity.
I unfolded it and began to read the neatly written cursive.
Dear, Lee,
I’m afraid to say that today, I will not be able show you around the courtyard as I promised–
“Psh... It’s not like I wanted go look around it... so not really much of miss there.”
It turns out that I must attended to a very important meeting down in Saddle Arabia–
I snorted. “Fucking seriously?” I laughed.
So do not worry about attending to my services today,
“Like I was even going to...”
instead I’ll have you get comfortable with your surroundings, be social, get to know everypony and try to fit in with the others. Remember they cannot figure out who you are as long as you’re wearing the necklace I gave you, if not you’ll probably cause a panic amongst the guards. Speaking of which, remember how I told you about Flash Sentry before you went to bed last night. Just in case you accidentally run across him, there is a picture of him the envelope–
“Wait what?” I glanced at the torn crumpled up ball on the ground. “Oh...” I said quietly. “Whoops.” Should've checked the whole thing first you tard.
And try to remain yourself, Flash believes you to be his friend. Possibly even his best friend, I don’t know the whole facts you’ll have to take that up with Discord. He’s the one who did the manipulating, all I know for what I’ve told Discord to do is make him a good friend of yours. But as I told you before he isn’t always a trustworthy draconequus–
“Wait... What... I don’t even...” I sighed. “Who the hell is Discord?”
Also if you have any other questions or concerns... or even problems that begin to arise. Please go see my sister Luna, she’ll be sleeping in her quarters, don’t mind her being angry if you wake her she’ll understand. And do not worry about her guards I left you a note in your left pocket on your suit that’ll explain everything to them.
“Okay...” I reached back with my left hand took the dark purple envelope that had an overly darker shade of blue seal out my chest pocket. “Why couldn’t my envelope come in a cool looking seal like this...” I playfully pouted. Setting the purple envelope back into my pocket I quickly skimmed over the rest of the letter. It wasn’t much and didn’t really say anything new, mostly telling me where I can find the main throne room... dining room... and wait a second. There was one more thing at the bottom.
P.S. There is one more thing I want to tell you, Lee, before I end this off. Whatever you do under all circumstances, do not. And I mean do not! Leave the castle grounds at all cost. No matter what is happening, the spell is only bounded to the castle if you leave without any of the three of us enhancing the spells strength it’ll deactivate. Leaving the whole world to truly see who you are.
“Not only that, if the spell deactivates who knows how the general... blah, blah...” I quickly skimmed over the final parts. “Okay whatever,” I crumpled the paper up and just like the envelope I tossed it over my shoulder.
“It’s not like I planned on going anywhere today.” I said to myself stretching out my arms popping each of my joints, taking a step forward I felt a crunch beneath my right foot. Frowning in confusion I lifted my foot to get a clear look, it was a small little wrapped present by the looks of it about the width of the palm of my hand with a tag coming off of it. I got onto one knee again and bent over to retrieve my mystery gift. There was no weight to it, instead the gift felt like a crumpled up piece of wrapping that was badly taped together by a toddler in a day care.
I pulled the tag off and flipped open the flap to see who it was from. “Happy Hearths Warming eve,” I read out loud, “Hope you get better soon, your friend Shimmering Grace.”
It took me about a minute to remember who she was. As I mulled the name over for a bit in my mind, the end part of her name kept sticking out to me. 'Grace. ' The thought of my daughter made me frown. The weight of last nights dream returned to my shoulders causing me to fell as if I was Atlas carrying the world.
I shook my head and reassured myself with what Luna had said earlier, “In time you’ll see them again.” All I can do now is hope, hope that when I do return home I can explain everything to Alice and she’ll under–!! “Jesus Christ, Lee!” I shouted to myself, venom dripping from my words. “Nobody’s going to believe me if I go around saying that I was trapped in a world full of talking hors--!!” Stopping myself I took a deep breath, I need to distract myself before I become an emotional train wreck again similar to last night.
My thoughts returned to the gift still sitting in my hands, grabbing a loose part in the wrapping paper I gently tore it open. After a few frustrating seconds of tape getting stuck to my fingers, and trying to figure out a way to open my early Christmas present without absolutely destroying it, I finally succeeded in unwrapping it to discover that my... actually pretty neat present is a bowtie.
A small black bowtie that matches my suit perfectly. “Heh.” I chuckled. “That’s cute, thanks Grace.” I thanked her even though she wasn’t there in the room. My mind drifted back to yesterday and how I reacted to the poor confused pony. A bit of guilt trickled onto my heart as I remembered how rude I was despite her just trying to help. “I guess... I guess I should go apologize to her.” I once again spoke to myself... I should really stop doing that it’s getting quite creepy.
I took the bowtie, which was a clip on, and put it on to my dress suit shirt and turned towards the vanity mirror. Quickly I checked myself over. with a suit plus a white polo and the addition of a bowtie, leave out the heavily applied bandages that cut through part of my hair and wrapped around my forehead, I actually looked quite shnazy... as Grace would say it–-!
Stop thinking about your family! it’s only going to make you depressed!
The wound in my head began to scream even as I clutched my forehead with the palm of my right hand. Trying to suppress the headache that arrived just only moments ago, I released a ragged breath dropping my hand back down to my side as my eyes ventured upwards to see the door that led out into the rest of the unexplored castle. “...I’m gonna go for a walk.” Saying to no one but myself as I opened the door and stepped out into the hallway...
Only to forget my enchanted necklace on the desk right beside the vanity mirror.
:[-]:
I’m afraid to admit but, being stuck in a magical world, alone in a beautifully crafted castle would have been quite amazing if I would've known that I wouldn't be returning home a month or so later! Though as I stride through the marvelous castle corridors, I just couldn't resist kicking myself for the last few things I've done over what happened a night ago.
The night that I got into the wreck.
“If you fell down the steps, you wouldn't be here right now! If you wouldn't have forgotten your phone and went back to go get it, you wouldn't be here right now! If you would've kept your damn eyes on the road you wouldn't be here right now!”
You see, for some reason I couldn’t help but blame this entire mess on myself. For some odd reason all this weight and burden had just fallen onto my shoulders, unlike last night I wasn’t being a cry baby bitch at the moment. Instead I was more of a frustrated dick, pardon my french but it’s true. I needed someone to blame, like almost every human being does whenever something bad happens, it’s just in our nature. We need to blame someone, and seeing that I can’t just go and outright blame Celestia or Luna... or hell maybe even that Twilight Sprinkles, which who knows... one of them might actually be the culprit. Till than... all I could blame was myself.
Though, judging by what I heard in my comatose state yesterday... it sounds more like I drove into her. Which fuck I hope I did! If that’s really how she got that black eye, I’ll be ashamed if that’s all I did to her, better yet I better have broken one of her ribs! Now that may sound harsh. Yes, she does seem like she’s trying to help me... but something about her just doesn't seem right. She appears to be off, unsure of what she’s really doing. Like a kid who found an injured baby bird and tries to help it but ends of dropping it cause the bird lashed out when he picked it up, and only ends up making it worse.
Also, her story and how quickly she answered my questions. She’s obviously hiding something, literally it was written all over her face. Her expressions, the way she kept eye contact which would've usually fooled me, but then she ruffled her wings. Like she was uncomfortable about something, now I don’t know much about their culture or how to distinguish their emotions by body movement, but I’ve been a father for more than six years, I can see a lie when I see it. Also speaking to her, I've been seeing some red flags and I’m pretty sure that means she’s uncomfortable.
But could that have just been her being uncomfortable around me? Which could be possible yes, being around something or someone you've never seen before and trying to hold a casual conversation with them can make one feel uneasy at times, but... then again she is a ruler of an entire nation not mention immortal. So she probably deals or dealt with creatures she possibly hasn't seen before and probably would've just grown accustomed to it over time. So why would I discomfort her?
I nodded my head once again as I rounded a corner that led into a large central hallway which had a large red carpet on the floor that came to and from two large closed doors on the far end of the hall, and led all the way to a set of stairs to my left. The stairs divided into two sets that each went in their own opposing directions on the upper half of the staircase, and on each side of them where a pair of golden armored ponies. Both had a set of gold eyes and a dark grey coat, judging by the horn that jutted out of their heads I could only guess that they’re unicorns.
My stomach growled, I haven’t eaten any breakfast yet. Odd, seeing that I didn’t eat the raw fish last night, I’m surprised I’m not sick from lack of nutrition. I decided to turn away from the guards and head to the dining room, only to stop myself at the realization that... I don’t know where the dining room is.
“Maybe I’ve shouldn’t have crumpled up that letter...” I scolded myself.
Rolling my eyes at my own incompetence, I should've have paid attention to the direction that we were heading in last night. I pivoted my body around so that I was once again facing the guards. “Okay,” I mumbled to myself. “Gotta stay in character and hope this plays out okay.”
I fixed my new bowtie and took my first step towards the guards. “I do say gentlemen...” I nearly cringed at the hideous accent that I just forced my own vocal cords to create. “I am feeling quite famished, and I’m afraid I can’t find the dining roooom...” I said with my horrifyingly fake snobbish accent, that probably make every Englishman highly offended. I slurred my last word and clutched my stomach, looking at the highly confused and slightly terrified guards. I raised an eyebrow and said, “What?” In my normal tone.
As if my question seemed to have snapped them out of their frozen stature, both of the guard’s horns flared to life and they took a fighting stance. A VERY serious looked crossed their faces! I quickly leaned away from the guards and brought my hands up to my face, flinching like a little girl I asked completely out of character, “Oh, Jesus, what did I do?!”
“In the name of Princess Celestia,” The right guard said sounding as if he was gurgling his own saliva as he spoke. “You’re under arrest for trespassing on royal grounds!”
“Trespassing?! What the fuck? I work here!” I said and kinda lied.
“Did we say you can speak infiltrator?” The other guard spoke, he too sounding like he was gurgling his own spit. Damn these two sound like they could be twins, shit they even look exactly the same. Not only can they change sexs at will... can they clone too? Man an army of cloned soldiers... huh reminds of St–
Dammit! Now is not the time to think about a shitty movie, RUN! Turning away I bolted as fast as I could away from the two, but to my availed dismay a swift flash of light caught my eye and suddenly one of the soldiers were right in front of me?! Like seriously what the fuck, these horses can teleport too? I thought only higher beings could do that?!
I jammed my heels into the marble floor halting myself right before my face could even make friends with the unicorn’s golden armor. Raising both my hands upwards I got ready to defend myself, even though it’d be useless as all hell. What am I going to do? Back hand them across the snout? Like that’d do anythin--!!
The guard’s horn lit up like a bright fluorescent bulb, which literally started the living crap out of me, and like I’d just stated I swung out with my hand and backhanded that bastard across the snout. Though to my astonishment the lad fell over yelping and sniffling as if he was suffering from a cold, similar to how a dog would when you bop him on the nose for chewing on the leg of your end table.
The wounded guard pawed at his nostrils with his forelegs glancing back at the other guard looking to his comrade in pure horror. Then he looked at me as if I casted some type of spell or something, for Godsake! I should be the one worrying here! Though seriously these men are trained professionals, I should be dead right n.... Who the hell am I to be the one complaining about a good thing?!
The guard’s gaze drifted back to his friend, who was now beginning to clamber back onto his hooves, only to come back and meet my eyes. His brow furrowed and the tip of his horn began to sizzle, an ever growing fear began to form in my chest.
Whelp, I lived a good life. At least Alice and Grace’s assumptions will now be confirmed. The armored stallion lowered his head and fired a beam of pure energy right at me, I cried out like a scared child and raised my hands to the point that I was now covering my face. I jammed my eyes shut, not wanting to see myself be blown to oblivion. The world seemed to slow down as if this was some type of epic scene in the Matrix or something, and as it did I began to see flashes of my childhood.
All the way from birth... to now like a slideshow set on fast forward to the point that you can’t even comprehend what you’re even seeing. Instead all you see is a blur skimming past your eyes, and you feel nauseated and all you want to do is just vomit your last meal. Is this what it’s supposed to feel like watching your life flash before your eyes? Well shit if it is... I want a refund, because not much really happened.
All the way from birth... to now like a slideshow set on fast forward to the point that you can’t even comprehend what you’re even seeing. Instead all you see is a blur skimming past your eyes, and you feel nauseated and all you want to do is just vomit your last meal. Is this what it’s supposed to feel like watching your life flash before your eyes? Well shit if it is... I want a refund, because not much really happened.
I stood there my right knee raised all the way up to my chest, my hands covered my cowering face. I was frozen. At least it felt that way, all was still and around me was this eerie silence, but as the seconds ticked away on a nearby clock that sent the only waves of sound reverberating around the room, I began to ask myself. 'Am I really dead?' But before I could confirm this suspicion I began to feel a ticklish feeling near the spot I was shot. Not the feeling that makes you giggle and snort like a kid experiencing blueberries. Instead it was the kind of feeling that annoyed the shit out of you! The feeling that you get when you scratch a spot on your arm, only to have it return seconds later with a vengeance!
I opened my eyes, not much to see. Mostly because I forgot to lower my hands, so that’s what I did. There wasn’t a change, no passing or any significant difference. Save for that strange feeling I had, and the completely horrified look on the face of the guard that just shot me. Confused I decided to face my fears and take a gander at my supposed wound... and there was nothing there except for a small shimmer, but as time passed the shimmer began to dissipate along with any type of fear I once held on inside.
Whatever just happened must of been a good thing, well obviously. If my assumption is correct that unicorn most of fired a magical blast at me, and like Celestia said I absorb magic... well at least most types of magic. This one just happened to be a lucky kind I guess. So I stood there with the biggest shit eating grin I could muster, and without a single word I gave quick little wave to the guards before turning and bolting in the opposite direction back to where I came.
:[-]:
My dress shoes rhythmically clicked along as they made contact with the marble floor as I ran through empty corridor after empty corridor. With each corner I rounded I began to feel an unnerving feeling of suspense creeping in the pit of my stomach. Moments ago after I left the two dumbstruck guards, I heard the sound of an alarm blare throughout the castle, as a large bell in a tower swung back and forth. Sending a shiver down my spine with each dong.
Around the castle I could hear the sound of soldiers scrambling to their positions. Looking for me, trying to figure out where I went, and how I could be stopped. Fresh sweat began to trickle down the side of my head, for some reason I felt intolerably hot. I rested up against the wall right on the corner of a T shaped hallway, my back eased it’s way down until I was sitting. My left leg stretched out and my right arm resting on my right knee. My head swung back rest against the wall so that my eyes were gazing up at the golden sparkling chandelier above me.
The one day I get permission to have a whole day to myself. I get found out within the first five minutes I step out of my room. Chuckling nervously I reach into my shirt to grab my necklace just so I could have something to fiddle with while trying to calm my nerves... IT'S NOT THERE! My eyes widened and quickly I began to pat around my pockets, fear beginning to envelope me. Where could it have gone?! How could I lose something that was supposed to be my only form of safety?!
I got up and checked my spot, could it have fallen off? No, that’s impossible I would've noticed. I thought back to last night, what did I do with it? I distinctly remember barging into my room fumed beyond control, after I got dressed I took my necklace and flung it onto... the... table... oh... oh no!
I shot back onto my feet. “I’m telling you, mares, it went this way!” Barked another from my right.
“Come on you, wimps, it’s this way!” Another came from the third and final hallway around the corner in front of me.
My eyes widened in horror as I came to realization that I was completely surrounded. There’s nowhere to go, I was screwed, complete and utterly screwed! There was no escape! I’m literally going to die by a bunch of horses with spears and swords... well that’s a really fucked up way to go!
My heart rate increased, and I began to panic. Irrational thoughts quickly began to course through my mind, what if I were to just barge right through them? No, no that wouldn’t work, you may be able to survive magic, but not dozens of bloody arrows ripping into your chest, but what if I were to jump out a window? There aren’t any windows you twit! Maybe I could scale a wall or something– what the hell do you mean scale a wall–wait a second...
My eyes drifted towards a large painting I hadn’t noticed before. Right across from me, a large ten foot painting of Celestia was mounted on the wall. It wasn’t really anything special, the painting was Celestia sitting by a fireplace along side her sister both looking happy and sharing a nice chat. But that wasn’t what caught my eye. No, what caught my eye was the large purple curtains that were draped around the frame. A crazed solution came to my mind. If I couldn’t go left, right, or even freaking straight. The only plan of escape was to go up.
I quickly scrambled to my feet and jogged towards the massive painting. Grasping onto the fabric I used all my man power to hoist myself upwards, now if only one good thing came out of high school besides my diploma. Was my rope climbing in phys ed, which was probably the only skill I had besides running. Planting my feet flat up against the stone I began my attempt to walk up the wall...
Which was a bad idea.
After I took the first step upwards, I heard a small metallic clink noise. Which instantly I knew was bad, because a large portion of the fabric gave way and I nearly fell about six feet due to my weight. Luckily though I wasn’t injured, nor did all of the fabric fall off allowing me to continue my way up.
I could hear the guards coming closer, and I needed to work fast. I pushed myself even further, the muscles in my arms began to ache. As I climbed the jumbled up voices of the angry guards began to grow increasingly louder as time clicked by. I neared the top of the frame of the monstrous painting. I reached outward with my right hand and once my fingers were tightly clenched around the tight wooden frame, I noticed that I was still in a rather noticeable position. Heart pounding fast I began to panic once more, frantically I looked around for something I can climb into. Maybe a ventilation shaft of some sorts, something that could provide cover from those hate filled eyes of the guards.
The crackling of flames caught my attention, tightening my grip on the frame of the painting. I turned my torso around so that I was hanging off the wall by me left arm, the pinching pain of having to hold myself up nearly became unendurable. Merely five feet away from me I could see the hanging gold chandelier from before. Each flame was encased in a small glass bulb which kept the excess gas from leaking out into the air.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, if I was able to hide without getting caught this would be my chance. But before I jumped another thought came to mind, could the chandelier even support my weight? What if it were to fall and–
Before I could even make a decision my second thoughts were hastily discarded by the voices of the guards. Their shadows now coming into view, I couldn’t risk getting caught, biting my lip I pushed off with my legs and leapt towards the golden light source! My chest slammed into base of the chandelier, arms quickly clenched around the chains above legs flailing bellow. Sweat began flow down my face, the heat of the lamps roasting my cheeks.
“I’m telling you guys it went this way,” Said a young royal guard pony.. Quickly I glanced to the left, a small hoof came around the corner along with six others, silently cursing I used the last of my strength to hoist myself up.
“We’ve been heading this way for minutes,” Said a deeper irritated pony. “If it really went this way, Flash, we would’ve caught up to it by now.”
“Maybe it hid in one of the–” The younger sounding boy started, only to be interrupted by what I can only assume to be his superior.
“We’ve been searching every room we have come across and thus far we’ve found nothing.” The superior grumbled as a squad of six or more guards entered the corridor, all with similar looking features save for one in particular whose coat was a distinctly bright orange. While the others had black grey coats; nervous of being caught I tightened my grip around the chain and pulled myself up further to the point in which I was standing on the outer rim.
“In all my forty-years of working on the force, Flash. You are the first incompetent transfer I have ever come across...” Said the oldest and darkest guards of them all.
The chandelier began to tip the metal creaked with every inch. My fear of being discovered rose, my mind racing for a solution. With instinct kicking in I placed my leg on the opposite side of the rim, distributing an equal amount of weight on each side balancing it.
Below me came the clopping of hooves besides that, there was only silence. They must’ve not heard me, I released a sigh of relief. I was safe for now, all I need to do is–
“I say, did any of you colts hear that?” Said a strangely English sounding guard.
My heart nearly stopped; the sweat that made it’s way down my face began to drip onto the floor. With every drop that raced it’s way down my cheeks I could feel every ounce of confidence of escape slip with it.
“Huh?!” A startled voice ranged.
“What is it, Sentry?” Asked another, I couldn’t see them. They must’ve been right below me, now if only they could just go a bit more than I’d be in the clearing.
“Something dripped onto my forehead, sir.” My heart sank like the Titanic, whelp my life is over.
“Well out with it, son. What is it?” Asked the superior.
“It smells of sweat, sir.” He replied.
“Sweat...?” Another guard echoed as he trailed off into silence, only to be broken by a few loud sniffs. “Now that you mention it, this entire corridor smells of sweat.”
My fear of being caught skyrocketed through the ceiling, I needed to get out of here! If they’re under me, I could probably jump off and–who the Hell am I trying to kid? I’m a good twelve feet off the ground I might sprain my ankle or maybe even break it. But even then I might still be able to make it back to my room and get that necklace before I’m caught and killed.
You know what, screw it! Might as well go out with a bang! With my new solid plan that possibly couldn’t fail, I needed to figure out where exactly my pressures were. So I did the smartest thing that came to mind, I leant my body over to the side. Hoping to get a clear view below... there just below me were six guards all of which stood there discussing.
As I watched I felt yet another trickle of sweat gently glide it’s way down to the bridge of my nose. My eyes widened, begging in my mind not for it to fall. But it was inevitable, at least it was until I released my grip on one of the chains to swat it off.
.....
You know... everyone has that one moment in their life when he or she performs something stupid. And I’m talking about the moments that are so stupid, so bizarre that the entire world acknowledges what you did and forces you to observe your stupidity by watching it in slow motion. So I did, I watched as my hand slowly came to my face to swipe off that bead of sweat. But as it did so, I felt a shift in the chandelier’s weight I could feel through my right hand the entire decoration tilt sharply to the left.
The chain that held it up jolted down wards and instantly shoot back up like a bungee cord due to it no longer being able to support my weight. I watched in slowmo as small amounts of dust fell from the ceiling because of the newly formed cracks around the chain. With my fear filled eyes I watched as each and every particle of dust drift peacefully past my face and down to the alerted guards below.
Their eyes now mere dots glared at me and the now crumbling apart chandelier. As the seconds ticked by I stood there on the golden light source trapped in a staring contest with the six guards below. Time began to pick back up to it’s normal pace; my heart pounding dangerously in my chest as we gazed into each other’s eyes.
So much for an escape plan, I sighed defeatedly. But at least I’m up here and they’re–
Suddenly, the chain snapped and gravity took back over and I plummeted back to earth. “Dive!” The guards shouted right before jumping out of the way.
Screaming like a girl I was quickly cut off by the loud crash and myself being thrown head over heels forward. Landing on my back with a painful thud I groaned in pain, shoving myself back onto my belly. Arms sore I pushed myself onto one knee, the sound of a sword being unsheathed caught me by the ear, remembering that I was surrounded by a squad of angry soldiers. I clambered back onto my feet away from the guards.
I turned to face the six ponies, among them were a mixture of fear and angered expressions. “You know,” I nervously said raising a hand. “How about we talk about this guys–”
“Quiet you,” snapped the oldest looking pony, a dark grey unicorn a with near pitch black mane and nasty pink scar that ran across his right eye approached me. His sword drawn and aimed right at me. “What are you? Some kind of Changeling? How did you get in here?!”
“Change–what?” I backed away as the guard got closer.
I needed a way to get away from here, come on Lee think! Think man, what do you have on you? My right hand drifted towards my pocket, my eyes locked on the angry colt his sword getting dangerously close to my face. My hand entered my pocket my fingers touching leather, well now I have my wallet. But how is that going to help me in a time like this... my eyes darted left and right. I was now at the tip of the T hallway my back inches away from touching the wall. Well fuck! I guess I’m going to have to improvise!
Go along with whatever the Hell my mind first came up with, I flashed my wallet out so that I was showing the six ponies my Driver’s License. “Stop right there!” I shouted trying to hide my obvious fear with a sense of insanity. The pony’s eyes widened and actually stopped in his spot. “This–” I motioned with my eyes towards the card “– this here is a very intricate device.” I said using my best impression of Jack Nicholson’s Joker.
The pony’s eyes narrowed and he took a step forward, but I jumped back a near psychotic smile pierced my lips, as I slowly slipped into character of Nicholson’s Joker. “Ahaha! I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” I chuckled sinisterly.
“Why is that?” The dark pony grumbled.
“In this device,” I raised an eyebrow and shook the wallet. “Contains a series of chemicals that would plague this entire castle.” I flashed them my canines.
“You’re insane!” Shouted flabbergasted guard in the back who was falling for my plainly obvious white lie. “You’ll kill us all!”
“He’s clearly bluffing!” Said the English guard.
I glared at him my smile stretching out even farther. “That’s the joke,” I said before darting to the left laughing maniacally.
Silence... fell over the guards.
The six ponies stood there puzzled. “Buccaneer,” Flash looked at the older grey unicorn. “What just... happened?”
“Honestly, son...” Buccaneer took his helmet off and wiped the sweat off his brow. “In all my forty-six years of being on the force... I have not a single clue.”
The English colt glared at the two of them angrily. “Are you two bloody serious?! It’s getting away! Get on it, lads!”
I ran down the hall continuously laughing like a lunatic that has popped one too many prescription pills. Despite nearly dying back there, I couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of enjoyment. A thrilling feel to be specific similar to how most people feel at the highest point on a roller coaster that is about to go over the edge. The way my heart pumped adrenaline throughout my veins as I ran. I was actually enjoying myself, just the face of the guards flashing before my eyes alone forced a chuckle out of me.
But before I could wallow in myself enjoyment, I rounded the last corner and mistakenly stumbled upon the second squad of guards I heard earlier before. The guards froze in their spots as so did I, but before they could react though I flashed them my wallet. “Ah! No ya don’t!” I slipped back into Nicholson's Joker, my once fake smile becoming an almost real and sinister look. Strangely I actually felt as if I really was some type of mad maniac with a weapon that could possibly kill us all... I think, I think I might be enjoying this a little too much.
Going along with the act I played before, I was once again able to fool the guard ponies. Forcing them to allow me passage and I was able to quickly slip passed them before the group of soldiers I fooled earlier could arrive.
So I swiftly made my way through corridor, after corridor, after seemingly endless corridor. Until finally, I reached the stairs that led back into Celestia’s tower, and the guards weren’t too far behind either. I began my journey up the spiral staircase, going up by twos I nearly stumbled over almost every other step because of my reckless speed.
My stomach began to ache for food as I quickly made my way up “Now is not the time,” I mumbled under my breath. After what felt like a living Hell I was able to reach the same floor as my room. Below me I could hear the guards right on my tail, nearly panicked and not knowing where exactly my room was. I darted down the hall and began to open and check every room I came across, thankfully though most rooms I came across were deserted.
Nearly thirteen doors later and the increasing commotion from the guards I eventually found my bedroom door, but for some outlandish reason the damn thing was locked! Angry I began to pound my fist on the door, could I have locked it before I left? No I don’t even have key a to lock it, my head snapped to the left towards the stairwell I could hear the guards drawing in even closer. I shook my head and growled in anger, I turned to face the door. Using the right side of my body I began to throw myself at the door. With a good two hard swings, I heard nasty crack as the hinges gave way and I stumbled through as the door came crashing down with a mighty bang!
Panting like a hot dog, my head quickly shot left to right. My eyes scanning the room for the necklace, but I couldn’t see it. I swore last night I left it on the table, I went over to the neatly made bed––wait a second! New sheets, tucked in blankets, my head drifted towards the neatly dusted table. The corners of my mouth sank into a deep frown, the fucking maid beat me to my room! Thing is though why would she lock the door? Unless... she saw me coming and hid!
I could hear the guards finally reach my floor, their voices becoming even more coherent if each passing second. I needed to find that necklace quickly, not worrying about the possible pony hiding somewhere in my room. I knew that I only needed to focus on finding that single piece of jewelry, so logically I made my way to the dresser. Grabbing each and every drawer I began to literally rip them out of dresser, which wasn’t really smart due to the amount of clothing and other various knick knacks that were now flung across the room. Sucks to be the housekeeper who has to clean this up, I thought, certainly won’t be me!
Drawer after drawer I continued to search but to my despair, I couldn’t find it! “Goddammit! Where is it?!” I cursed as I flung the final drawer across my room. The drawer clashed with the vanity mirror which then sent a wave of shards across the room, I froze... whoops... did not mean to do that. Bringing myself back to reality I turned to the closet, I was running out of time, if I couldn’t find the necklace the least I could do is find a shitty hiding place.
Hopping over shattered glass and the splintered pieces of wood that were once the drawers, I scrambled my way towards the closet besides my bed, grabbing onto the door handle I flung it open and... gasped at the sight of the dangling medallion before my eyes. How the? Why the? “How the fuck did this get in here?!” I cursed out loud. Hanging by the shirt rack by its chain I quickly snatched it off and swung it around my neck and hid in the closet, quietly closing the door I sat on the floor in utter darkness.
“It went in here, lads!” I heard that same English pony shout.
“How can you tell?” I heard the scruff veteran pony ask.
“Look at it, mate, the bloody door is knocked off its hinges!” I heard him snap. “Blimey! The whole place is trashed!”
“Oh my...” I heard a younger guard whimper. “The princesses aren’t going to be happy about this.”
“Zip it, Flash,” The guards entered the room. “The Princesses aren’t going to hear anything.”
“What do you mean, Buccaneer?” Flash asked.
“What I mean is: we’re not going to tell them anything.” He stated his voice stern and growing louder as the guards neared the closet door. I pushed myself back with my legs, my back rubbing up against a mound of clothes to my right along side a few hard objects I couldn’t really make out.
“We can’t do that–”
“Listen here transfer, I’ve spent countless years on the guard without any mishaps. And I’m looking to retire in three weeks, now if you’d just keep your mouth shut and listen to me. I need you to go down and alert the housekeepers that we have a large mess, can you go do that?”
“Ye-yessir!” I heard the younger guard bolt out of the room.
“The rest of you, keep searching this floor! Whatever this thing is, it couldn’t have gotten far now move out!” Buccaneer barked.
“Sir yes sir!” Said a few guards before filing out of the room.
Silence fell upon the room, moments later I heard the soldier beginning to rummage through the items in my room. Realizing that I was disguised now and that it was safe to come out, I quietly (as best I could) clear my throat and slowly creep out of the closet. “Is... is i-it gone?” I stammered in my fake English accent.
The older guard on the far end of the room, nearly jumped out of his armor at the sound of my voice. Spinning around he quickly drew on a stern yet professional expression. “Excuse me?”
“Th-the monster,” I pretended to be afraid. “It banged on the door till it broke, it came at me... I hid.” I spoke slowly as if I was in some state of shock, and to my amazement it seemed to work.
The guard’s expression softened and slowly he approached me, gently raising his hoof he came to comfort me. “It’s alright, lad.” He said in that deep scruff voice of his. “But I need you to cooperate with me,” he began to lead me towards my I nearly destroyed in my frantic search. “Now... I need you to tell me where it went.” He spoke to me softly, which was rather unfitting with that voice by the way, as if he wasn’t trying to wake a sleeping bear.
With wide eyes and shrunken pupils, I gazed into his right scarred eye. “H-he... destroyed... all my.... h-hard work.” I trembled. Jesus man I’m good at this! “Hours... hours I spent perfecting this room...” I choked. “All for nothing...”
The soldier grasped my shoulders with his hooves, which I still couldn’t grasp the idea on how they did that. “Bring yourself together, stallion. Tell me where did it go!”
“But my work...” I forced my eyes to water.
“There will always be another day, but now we have a crisis on our hooves.” I know this guard needed an answer and fast, if I can ,I need to divert their search. Trick them per say, my eyes began to wander across the ruins that was once my room. And I noticed. The balcony window had a large hole in it, what could I have possibly thrown through that? Could it have been one of the drawers...? I hope nobody got hit. “Work with me boy, where did it go?” Buccaneer shook me.
“The window!” I suddenly blurted out my finger jammed right at the large gaping hole, which now sent a freezing late December breeze throughout the room..
“The window?” He glanced over his shoulder. “What do you mean the window?”
“I remember clearly now, when it was trashing my room. There was... there was a loud crash... and then everything fell silent.” I explained my head drifting towards the floor pretending as if I was lost in a distant memory.
“Are you saying it jumped out?” Buccaneer faced me once again.
“How else could it have escaped?” My eyes once again met with his.
Buccaneer’s face shifted as he began to think. “Well it did have some type of magic device.... maybe it has some type of magic toy for teleportation... or even disguise itself as one of us.” He said.
Now it was my turn to look confused. “What? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? If that was the case wouldn’t that mean there would be three of us here right now–”
Suddenly a vicious bang erupted from behind the two of us, swinging my head back towards the closet. My mouth fell open, oh shit the maid I can’t believe I forgot! Just standing outside the closet door was Shimmering Grace along with a few wooden boxes that were also in the room. The boxes were scattered across the floor and Grace stood there her expression filled with shock and terror. Her eyes were fixed on mine, her bottom lip occasionally quivering. You gotta be fucking kidding me, my thoughts raged at the amount of shit luck I’ve been treading through all day.
“I-I-It’s him...” She barely even muttered under her breath.
“What the... this day just keeps getting weirder and weirder.” Buccaneer mumbled he tapped me on the shoulder. “What were you doing in here with this fine mare before the animal tore through here...?”
I needed to act fast, but what was I going to do? My last explanation was at the verge of getting blown’ to smithereens if I didn’t do something... Obviously Grace knows my true identity now, unless she’s suffering from shock and hopefully will hardly remember anything by the end of this. But for now, I have to keep her silent and the guard distracted. But how! How am I going to do that?
Well... there is one thing. But it’s going to have to require a large amount of talent coming from myself... it’s at moments like these when I wish I would’ve taken theater in school. I focused my attention back to the floor and faked a nervous smile. “Heh...” I chuckled completely breaking my previous act.
But with that lone chuckled I didn’t need to say another word. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the stallion’s jaw slowly fall open as a deep blush splashed onto his cheeks. “Oh... oh you sly...”
I waved an arm at him and let out another nervous chuckle. “Yeah, we were kind of in the middle of the––you know?”
He nodded his head. “I completely understand... em...” He leaned past me and looked towards Shimmering Grace who was just now noticing what we’re talking about. She sucked in a quick tight breath of air, her cheeks becoming a bright crimson color as she was at a loss for words. “I’m sorry this happened to you two miss... eh...”
“Her name is, Grace, Shimmering Grace. And don’t mind her she is an extremely shy one,” I added.
Buccaneer took a glance back at me with a proud smile upon his face. “Oh my you are a lucky one... you know,” He patted me on the back. “I’m proud of you son,” He said. “And to think for a second I thought you were the monster.” He laughed out loud.
I laughed along with and wrapped my arms around his shoulder. “Glad to hear that I’m not the one you’re looking for.” I flashed a smile at Grace who now sat there, still seeming to hold that one breath her rosy cheeks now beginning to fade.
“Welp, it’s been nice chatting with you two. And I’m sorry for interrupting your cleaning session. But I have to report the creature’s information back to my superiors, hope you two have fun.” Buccaneer stood up and made his way over towards the broken in door, but before he walked out he stopped. “Oh and one more thing... could you two start cleaning this up?”
I shrugged. “Year sure thing,” nope. “See you around, Buccaneer.”
“Heh yeah same to– wait a second... how do you know my name?” His expression turned cold along with his voice.
My blood instantly ran ice cold. “Eh... we over heard you guys in the closet.” I said actually telling the truth for once this day.
Buccaneer chuckled. “Ha, for a second I thought–”
I chuckled, “Yeah... see you around.” I worriedly turned away from him, Lee, you’re an idiot, I scolded myself. With a final wave of goodbye Buccaneer left me alone with Grace, once I thought he was out of earshot. I stood up and approached Grace who was now coming out of her shocked state. “Okay I know what just happened was completely disrespectful and you mig–”
Instantly bright stars flashed before my eyes and a wave of excruciating pain erupted out of my left cheek. My head snapped to right as my body was flung back by the immense amount of force, stumbling back I cracked the back of my head on the frame of the bed and landed onto the floor. Unspeakable atrocities spewed out my aching mouth while I cupped the side of my cheek with my right hand. Small trickles of blood began to seep out of the corner of my busted lip, “Ah... frukin crist ladi...” I think she might have broke my jaw... if not knocked it loose! “Sit, ah shank ya bruk mah jah...”
“Good.” She snapped at me in that English accent these ponies ever so seem to be fond of. “Maybe now you won’t be able to speak your hideous lies to anypony ever again!” She snarled as I watched her leave the room.
I took hold of my busted jaw which was now sore more than it was screaming in pain, with a sickening twist and a burst of pain that nearly made me faint. I was able to snap my jaw back into it’s original position, screaming in pain and tears literally rolling down my cheeks like an open faucet. I rolled onto my sighed and clambered back to my feet, moving my jaw I was testing to see if everything was alright, despite the small pricks of pain with each movement everything seemed to be under control. I faced the doorway, I should really go apologize this time, I thought. Then again... I hesitated, the state she’s in now... might not really be the best idea, unless I want to end up with an actual broken jaw.
I turned to examine the room I destroyed, the bed sheets were now sprawled across the floor, glass from the window and mirror littered the floor. Drawers laid turned and scattered on the floor along with the chips of the wooden frame work that were once part of the wall. “Damn...” I muttered and cringed at the pain. “I really tore the shit out this place...”
Before I could even fully look over the decimated room, my thoughts were interrupted by the rumbling and the instant sense of nausea coming from the pit of my stomach. “Gah... okay enough procrastination... I need to eat.” I said to myself. You know, I think me talking to myself is now officially a habit now...
:[-]:
Releasing an unnecessarily loud belch that echoed throughout the dining hall, which received a few disturbed glares from the royal ponies that sat at opposite ends of the table from me. “Damn that was delicious,” I slammed my empty glass of wine on the table. “Eh, waiter!” I called to the stallion that was just entering the room from the kitchen doorway, nearly falling out of my seat.
“Yes, Mr. Rose?” He said stopping at the entrance his brow raised.
“Tell the Chef, I want another one of them... salads... and... eh... a drink! Yeah, yeah... a drink...” I slurred my last few words before resting my head on the table.
I didn’t see or hear the waiter, instead I did hear a few irritated murmurs coming from the rest of the ponies. I’ll admit I can’t blame them, I too found it annoying sometimes at parties or even bars whenever I was sitting around an intoxicated person. Yeah I’ll also admit to that too, during my visit in the dining hall... I had one too many glasses of wine. I never really been the man to hold his drink well, mostly because I never really drank too often to ever grow use to it. My grandparents mostly raised me to stay away from those things. But of course as my Grandpa use to say it... matter of fact probably everybody’s parents “Boys will be boys.”
So now I found myself sitting nearly drunk, but not completely shit faced. Sitting at the table in the middle of the royal castle dining room, finally with a full stomach of lettuce and wine, not entirely the best kind of mix might I add. But the only actual other type of beverages they had on the menu was either cider or water. Now here I am drowning myself in grape wine while stuffing my face with greens contemplating how long will it be till I see my family. Which of course the very thought of them instantly shot me into a deep dark abyss of depression, I just couldn’t help myself but fear that nothing will ever be the same once I return. Shit, nothing will ever be the same. So many outcomes could come out of this and yet I can only hope that one of them is something that will not end up with Alice thinking I tried to leave them.
Suddenly a thought came to me, a thought that drove my sadness even further. I won’t be home for Christmas... in all my life I have yet to miss a single day of Christmas since the day Alice and I got married. Especially after our first Christmas, the Christmas in which Alice gave me my most favored gift of all.
Pulling up my sleeve on my right arm I gazed down at the glistening silver watch Alice bought for me on Christmas day. The sight of the gift brought a few happy memories which slightly eased the fear that was beginning to arise. Only three more days till Christmas... please God, let them all be okay...
“Here you go, sir.” The waiter nearly startling the hell out of me, placed my second salad bowl in front of me along with my fifth glass of wine. “Is there anything else I can get for you?”
“Eh... no, no, no there isn’t... jus... no.” I mumbled as I took the glass and chugged it right in front of the waiter. I slammed the glass onto the table and shook my head, burping I whipped my lips. “You know what... gimme another will ya?” I smiled foolishly at the stallion, his eyes wide in shock as he gazed at the already empty glass.
“Eh... sir, don’t you think you’ve had enough?” He looked at me and tilted his head.
“Whaaa.... Nah, jus' gimme another alright?” I chuckled, yeah I take that back I’m pretty shit faced.
“Mr. Rose... what is the meaning of this?” Asked a very intimidating yet also elegant voice.
Sluggishly turning in my seat I noticed the dark radiant princess of the night stroll into the dining hall with bags under her eyes, her brows were knitted and the frown on her face seemed to carve mass crevices in her cheeks. Clearly she didn’t look too happy. “What does it look like...” I gestured towards my wall of glasses. “I’m having a drink!”
“What do you mean you’re having a drink? Why aren’t you doing your–”
“You know, Lulu,” half the ponies in the room gasped when I used her pet name. “You look a little parched yourself, Yo! Waiter boy... Get this girl a–”
Luna’s frown deepened further as a growl escaped her lips. “Mr. Rose, please do not interrupt me while I’m speaking–”
“So, Lulu, what kinda drink do ya want... you got three poor choices of, waaater, ciiider and–”
“Mr. Harrison! Could you please be quiet!” Luna snapped not even knowing she used my real name.
I jumped back in my chair, causing it to tip back before landing back on all four legs. Eyes wide I said: “Jesus, somebody shit the bed this morning!”
“I was rudely woken up early this morning knowing that the entire castle guard was going berserk! Cause some infiltrator was runn–”
“Bitch,” I rudely cut her off again. “Don’t even get me started on how my day went!” The instant change in Luna's expression instantly threw me into being sober. Oh shit, oh shit, why the fuck did I just say that?! My conscience began to panic, Oh that was not smart at all, I’m so gonna get it! Goddammit why did I have to be drunk right now... couldn’t she have just caught me when I was hungover or something?
Luna’s eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open, she stood there for a few seconds shocked. Her eyes locked on mine as I stood there the last of the alcohol leaving my blood stream, as my body prepared for the worse that was to come. Every single pony in the room instantly got up from their seats and began filing out of the room. “Eh... Princess, I am so deeply sor–”
Luna cut me off with a wave of her hoof, swallowing the lump in her throat she looked at me her eyes narrow and her brow tightly furrowed. “I’ll give you a thirty second head start to run for the door and get out of sight before I blast you off this rock...”
“Are you sure we can’t just negotiate?” I asked, “I’m sure we can come to an agree–”
“Twenty seconds...” She snarled.
“Wait what?” I began to sweat.
“Fifteen.” She unfolded her wings.
“Oh come on Lulu, you can't be serious." I chuckled nervously, "Remember how much fun we were having last night–”
I found myself sprinting away from an overly pissed Princess of the Night, into a section of the castle I have never seen before. Running outside I found myself under an archway, to my right laid a vast blanket of snow that covered what seemed to be a large royal garden that laid alongside a hedge maze. Continuing to run, my instincts told me to go into the maze knowing that she’d possibly never find me in there. But then again my gut feeling reminded me of Celestia’s letter telling me not to leave the castle grounds; and that was just it, where does the castle grounds end? So I kept on running straight knowing that I’d rather be chased by a single angry pony rather than an entire angry mob of horses.
Cold winter winds brushed passed me as I bolted down the remainder of the outside pathway. About thirty yards away from me I could see a large wooden door that led into a completely unknown section of the castle. The sound of an explosion erupting behind me, nearly flung me out of my skin. Chancing a quick glance over my shoulder, I screamed in utter horror at the sight of Princess Luna flying at jet like speeds right towards me. Even from as far as I was I could see her pearly white teeth as she clenched them together in pure rage, her pupils were mere pinpricks and her brows carved deep canyons of anger and rage in her forehead.
Turning away from the fearsome sight, I threw myself through the door and into a gigantic crowd of ponies that were all standing idly by in a massive hallway that could possibly go up against one of New York’s busy streets. Spinning around I saw Luna for a split second as she was about to make her way through the door, right as I slammed it into her face. Right away I pressed my full weight against the door and locked it. “I am so, so sorry!” I shouted through the crack.
Everypony fell silent and I noticed over a hundred pair of eyes all trained on me, including a few guards that were standing about a football field’s length from me. Faintly I could hear Luna groan from behind the door: “You’re going to pay for that, Lee!”
“It was an accident!” I replied. “Maybe next time you shouldn’t go all ape shi–”
Before I could finish my sentence I felt a sudden sense of weightlessness as I took notice that I was now suddenly flying backwards along side the frame of the large wooden door. The world around me now was set in slow-motion, the crowd of over a hundred or so rich ponies eye balled me as I soared through the air like a bird that had broken it’s wing and is now about to make contact with the earth. Still in the air my eyes drifted back towards the now gaping hole in which the door use to stand, now in its place was a very chaotic looking Princess. Her nostrils flared and her legs spread far apart, her wings were erected as bits of sweat dripped from her forehead that was visible under her now vertically flowing mane.
Time picking up its pace again, my back made contact with the red single carpet that stretched from the hall’s entrance to the door off to my far right. Pain shot through my entire body and my head cracked against the floor, the wound in my head flared to life and my vision flashed red as fresh blood seeped out from under the wrag wrapped around it. Damn wound split open again... Goddamnit. My thoughts barely made it out, as my vision begun to swirl. Shit... I must, get away.
As of what just happened finally began to sink into the bystanders minds, late startled cries began to sprout up around me. Rolling onto my side I placed a hand to my chest, only to notice my necklace was once again missing. Gazing upwards I saw fear filled expressions all locked onto me, ponies eyes widen like a deer caught in headlights. Children gazed at me in wonder, as if they have stumbled upon a dead squirrel alongside a busy street. The sound of hooves along marble caught my attention. Turning back I saw Luna approaching me, her face though a lot softer than moments before. Instead she took on more of an apologetic look.
But I didn’t want to take the risk, looking to where I landed I noticed my necklace wasn't too far from where I was. Before Luna could reach me, I lunged towards the necklace and snatched it off the floor. With a screaming headache and a crying back, I flung the necklace back around my neck and dove into the crowd of shocked ponies.
“Le– Mr. Rose!” Luna corrected herself. “Please comeback! I didn’t mean to react the way I did!” She called to me, realizing what she had really done.
Ignoring her I ducked my way through the ocean of wandering eyes, ponies who have lost sight of me returned their attention towards the upset princess. Quickly making my way up the small red carpeted staircase that led to large set of doors, above them held a sign that read “Canterlot Theater”. I found myself in a large nearly pitch black theater, save for the spotlights that were trained on the stage. Eight ponies along with a small green creature in a tuxedo were on the stage dressed in odd clothing, they were exchanging pleasantries with each other while three more ponies who were dressed in some type of business attire spoke to each other quietly.
I limped down the the theater’s center walkway, my vision beginning to be obscured by the amount of blood that was starting seep in my eye and drip down the side of my face due to my head wound. My bandage was completely ruined and now heavy due to the blood, I suddenly felt light headed. I began to lose footing. Oh shit... I thought. I’m going to fucking die... why the fuck did I have to open my mouth like that?! My conscience screamed at me.
“Alright everypony!” Echoed someones voice followed by the conscious echo of a pony clapping their hooves together. “Let’s.... from the.... now were... waita... oh....” Once again the world began to slow down, words began to distort and mix and match with each other. I stumbled like the zombie straight towards the stage, and I don’t remember much after that save for the screams right before I collapsed right in front of everyone.
:[-]:
“Wait a second,” said a young confused girl. “Daddy what happened to the caterpitar?” Grace called over to me from the tomato garden, I placed the last piece of charcoal on the grill and stood up. Turning around I saw Grace looking over at me with that cute yet confused face of her’s.
“What is it, dear?” I asked while I took off my gloves and placed them on the stand beside the grill.
“The caterpitar,” She said even though she meant say “caterpillar”.
I stifled a laugh and made my way towards her. “What do you mean?” I took a knee beside her.
“Right here,” she said. “I was playing with him yesterday... but now he’s gone, where did he go?”
The look on her face forced a chuckle out of me, I shook my head and smiled. “I dunno, maybe he got hungry and went to get something to eat.” I replied but this didn’t seem to put a stop to her investigation.
“Can you help me look for him?” She asked me.
Taking a quick glance back towards the grill I thought: why the Hell not, dinner can wait a few minutes. “Sure,” I returned to her. “Where did you last see him?”
It didn’t take long to find the caterpillar, matter of fact when we did Grace got upset, turns out overnight the little fella made himself a cocoon to sleep in. “Aw...” Grace pouted as she sat back onto the dirt. “What do you mean he’s sleepin’?” She asked for the fourth time.
“I told you, honey,” I got up onto both feet and began making my way back towards the grill. “He needs some rest for a little while, maybe then you two can play.” I took the lid off the grill and reached for the box of matches on the small table to my left. Striking the match a few times on the box I began to to look over my shoulder asking Grace: “Do you want cheese on your––”
Suddenly I stopped, the air that was once in my lungs was instantly sucked out by an unknown vacuum. The world was frozen in time, Grace was gone along with the rest of my backyard. Instead all that was left was this eerie silence, I stood there confused completely knocked off course by this complete change of environment. While I stood there, the gears in my head began to turn and I came to realization that I have once again been played for a fool. My own conscience tricked me yet again into believing that I was home and all that has happened over the past day and a half was all a dream.
My fists began to clench in anger while the nails on the tips of my fingers dug into my palms, ignoring the pain I clenched my teeth just to hold back the scream I wanted to release. Unable to resist any longer I released an incoherent cry into the dark void that succumbed my make believe home. As my scream echoed throughout this dark plain of existence a light, like the beam from a helicopter’s search light, sliced through the darkness like a hot knife through butter on Thanksgiving.
The dark that surrounded me began to bubble and hiss like boiling water, I fell silent. My arm shot up and shielded my eyes from this blinding ray of light that just suddenly appeared out of nowhere. The black muck that was sizzling like bacon, released this blood curdling cry that sounded similar to mine. My gut tightened and I jolted forward away from the darkness. What the fuck?! I thought as I stumbled towards the light. What the Hell is going on?!
“Come on, Lee,” said a deep calm voice that instantly set me at ease. I glanced back towards the light in which the voice came, “Take my hand.” The voice said and through the light came the unmistakable silhouette of a human hand. “He is coming...” Wondering what this voice was saying I looked to the darkness and saw the figure of a beast rising from the shadows.
My heart began to race and I ran towards the light, “Come on, Lee.” The voice began to drift away becoming distant.
“NO!” I shouted as I took a quick look over my shoulder, thick black tendrils shot out of the dark. I glanced towards the fading hand, lunging forward I reached for it.
“Don’t fear the reaper...”
:[-]:
“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” I flung up into a sitting position the covers that were once on me, flew off of my chest and crumpled to the floor. My head darted left to right, beside me laid only Princess Luna, her eyes wide and she was leaning towards me her left hoof on my lap. She appeared to be speaking to me, but I couldn’t understand her due to the ringing in my ears. Sweat poured down the side of my head in large beads. My head felt as if three large screws were being jammed into my skull while my vision blurred with every random strike of intense pain, I felt as if I was going to vomit.
Matter of fact, that’s exactly what happened, sick nasty fluids erupted out of my gut and up my throat. The vomit splashed all over the left side of the bed, nearly striking the night time princess who shielded herself from the warm purplish red liquid that now turned the once white sheets into nasty smelling purple. Feeling slightly better I collapsed back onto my bed; a small amount of drool seeping out of the corners of my mouth.
“Lee...” I faintly heard the disgusted voice of Luna. “Is.... alright...” Her voice faded in and out of existence.
“I...” I tried to speak but my voice was hoarse and my throat felt of sand paper.
A small shimmer followed by a flash of light, I took a peek and noticed the vomit covered sheets were gone and was replaced by some clean sheets. “Lee... going... a... spell...”
Spell... huh?
A blue light enveloped my body, I felt a sudden sense of false reality as if I was in yet another dream. I could see dark colors along the lines of purple and blue wrap around my body. I think I’m tripping balls! I screamed in my mind. Before I knew it my body relaxed, the intense pain that was hammering my brain eased. Not vanished but chilled just a small bit, only enough to allow myself to ignore it. The ringing in my ears slowly began to fade and I was finally able to hear what the Princess was saying.
“I’m sorry,” She said her voice now full of guilt, “I shouldn’t have acted the way I did back there, twas childish and immature.” Twas? “All of this was my fault, I shouldn’t have hurt–”
“Ah quit your blubbering, you sound like my wife when she fucks up the laundry...” I groaned my voice sounded like an old dried out man. “Worse than that,” I cleared my throat. “You sound like Grace when she thinks she’s in trouble...” I once again pushed myself up with one arm, slowly though making sure not to upset my stomach again I rested my left hand on my forehead.
“Excuse me?” Luna glanced at me, her head tilted... adorably? To one side.
“I just hate it when people claim it’s their own fault when it actually isn’t...” I winced with nearly every word, despite Luna doing some of that spooky voodoo shit on me. It seems that it wasn’t doing as nearly as good as I thought it was at suppressing the pain.
“What are you talking about?” Luna jolted back. “I was the one who blasted you through a door!” Luna tried to explain. “It was my fault that I acted such a way in front of my very own su–”
I silenced her with a wave of my hand, not only because she was kind of right, but mostly because she was making my headache worse. “On that aspect yes, that was entirely your fault. But then again you were only acting that way because of me,” I jammed my thumb into my chest. “I was the one who had you woken up earlier than usual, I was the one who called you a bitch. So no it’s not your fault, you were already angry and I just happened to give you that little extra push.” I explained and took my other hand off my forehead.
Luna fell silent for a few moments. “I still apologize for blasting you across the theater hallway...”
“That I can say was over the top!” I laid back once again and waving a finger in the air.
Silence fell upon us again for nearly a couple minutes, finally I decided to break it. “So... how long have I been out...”
“Not long...” Luna responded.
“Well... that doesn’t answer my question.” I rolled my head over on the pillow to look at her, she seemed to be sitting in some type of chair. Which obviously wasn’t made for her type of build, Luna sat there gazing at her hooves.
“About two hours, after Twilight and her sister in law, Cadence, teleported you straight to here. Word reached my sister and she–”
“Wait what? Who found me...? And Celestia? God... Goddammit!” I pounded my right fist on the bed.
“What’s wrong?” Luna looked confused again.
“I didn’t think Sunbutt would be back for at least another day...” I groaned and covered my eyes under my breath I said: “I can’t fucking wait to get out of here.”
Luna snickered. “What did you just call her?”
“Who?” I glanced over again.
“Tia, what did you call her?” Luna held her left hoof just above her mouth, trying to keep herself from laughing.
“Sunbutt, why do you care?” I asked.
Just by looking at her I could see that Luna was having trouble holding back her childish laugh. “Of all the years, I have never heard the phrase ‘Sunbutt.’”
“Seriously?” I gawked. “It’s literally the easiest insult that there is, she has a sun on her ass! Who wouldn’t think of that?” Luna couldn’t hold it, she released a girlish laugh which was rather contagious because seconds later I found myself laughing at the playground nickname too. We laughed with each other for nearly two minutes over something so small and childish, no matter how immature it seemed... it felt good.
It reminded me of the day I tried to teach Grace how to bake a cake a few days before her eighth birthday. Of course, for ones first time there will always be mistakes. I remember when she took the cake mixer to the batter. At the time I wasn’t even looking though I should’ve, and since she wasn’t holding the mixer right, batter was flung across the room completely redecorating it. And when I went to tell her what she did was wrong, she scooped a small amount on her finger and whipped it on my nose and asked. “Did I do good daddy?” Of course she knew the answer and began to giggle, seconds later I found myself joining in with her. As a few minutes ticked by her mother walked in with the groceries, and like a smart father I scooped Grace up and locked ourselves in the bathroom and waited for her mother’s anger to wear off.
After nearly three minutes of giggling over the stupid name I gazed up at the ceiling, losing myself to the distant memory. While I laid there dreaming, Luna piped up again. “Your family.” She started, my heart nearly stopped. “They’re beautiful, I must say.”
I looked at her. “You’ve seen them?”
She nodded. “In your most recent dreams yes, both of them. Your daughter and your wife, I can see you love them very much.”
“Yes-yes I do.” I stuttered. Where is she going with this?
Luna’s once happy school girl face shifted back into its once depressed riddled state. “I know how you feel, Lee.” She said. “The loneliness, the anger, and sadness. I can sense it all radiating off you right now. The hate filled energy you’ve been absorbing sense your arrival, it’s building.”
“Where are you getting with this?” I asked.
Luna leaned in. “Don’t succumb to your anger, Lee.” She whispered. “I have once walked the path you are on now, and trust me. You’ll gain nothing if you continue like this, I can see in your eyes how much you dislike Celestia and I–”
“What do you mean, I don’t like you?” I cut her off. “Out of everyone here, you’re the only one who has at least tried to help me. Save for earlier.... but that was my faul–”
“Never the less, that changes nothing, Lee... so far from what Celestia and I have seen you’re like a sponge–”
“I know the analogy, magic doesn’t really effect me blah blah blah, I’ll absorb too much and have a magical release that could possibly turn me into a girl.” I reiterated
“Or something evil.” She deadpanned.
I frowned. “Okay now you’re bullshitting me–”
“I’m not... whatever you said, Lee. You have a very unstable ability, something I had a while back until Twilight and her friends helped me. If you let your anger build and lose control of the magic you have stored, who knows how much damage you’ll cause.”
A tinge of fear sprouted in the pit of my stomach. I swallowed. “So you’re saying I’m literally a ticking time bomb?”
“Not entirely, all I’m saying is ‘learn to control your anger.’” She said. “Don’t follow in my hoof steps.”
“Wh-what happened to you?” I asked nervously.
“Let’s just say, I lost control of my magic and nearly killed my sister along with everypony else in the entire world...” She briefly explained.
“Oh... shit.” I mumbled under my breath, regretting I even asked.
“Now take what I said to heart, okay. Trust me, Lee, you’re not the only one who’s gone through this.” Luna softened up a bit.
“Did you... did you think you were going to lose someone?” I asked wanting to learn more, even though it might have been a bad idea.
“I thought everyone was going to lose me...” She replied back in a hush tone. “But enough of this,” Luna stood up from her chair. “How about we go for a walk?” She asked with a broad smile.
“Where would we go? And what time is it, shouldn’t you be sleeping or something?” I asked.
“Oh they’re plenty of places we can go, and it’s only six in the afternoon and I’m already wide awake as it is.” She explained.
“Alrighty then.” I said as I flung my legs to the side, only to realize...
I’M NOT WEARING ANY FUCKING CLOTHES!
How didn’t I realize this earlier?! Where the fuck are they!
“Lee, are you alright you look a little pale?” She asked.
Of course I’m not fucking alright! My shalong is hanging out in front of a Princess, not to mention it’s fucking freezing!
“Where are my clothes?” I asked politely.
“Oh... They were kind of ruined after I blasted you through the door, your blood was all over them staining them to no end. After countless washes we were unable to get the blood out of them, so we had to throw them out.” She explained.
Taking the blanket and covering myself I looked at her. “So... you’re saying I have no clothes... at all?”
Luna’s face scrunched a little in thought. “Well you do have that old jacket of yours back in your room.” She said.
My room? Wait... this isn’t my room?
“This isn’t my room?” I asked. It looks exactly like mine!
“No, yours is destroyed remember?”
“Oh...” Yeah, I remember now. “Then who’s room is this?” I asked.
“That would be Shimmering Grace’s room, she isn’t here right now as you can see. She is in the middle of cleaning your mess.” Luna explained. “So are you ready for that walk?”
“On second thought,” I said. “I think I’m just going to stay in here... till I can go home... because no way am I walking around outside naked!” I jammed an angry finger at her as I curled up into a ball inside the blanket, my bare legs still sticking out.
“What’s wrong with not wearing clothes, ponies do it all the time.” Luna said.
“Well gee guess what, Lulu, I’m not a pony!” I snapped at her like a first grader.
She sighed. “Come on, Lee, at least if you have the necklace on nopony will actually see you naked.”
“So, it still seems weird!” I retorted.
“Come on the mares will love you.” I could just feel her smile burrowing into me through the sheets.
“That only makes it worse!”
“Oh it can’t be that bad–”
“You wouldn’t even begin to understand how embarrassed I am right now!” I cut her off.
“Okay now you’re just acting like a teenage filly.” Luna said her playful voice slipping into a more adult sounding tone. “Come on we’re going.”
“Can I at least have a towel or something to wrap myself with?” I asked slightly peeking out from under the cover.
Seeing that she was growing irritated, Luna released a sigh and ran her hoof through her flowing mane. “If I teleport you to the tailors, will you please cooperate?”
I laid still for a few seconds before responding. “Uh... yeah sure.”
Silence for the third time fell on us as we each stayed put, looking at each other. “Well...” Luna began.
“What?” I said repositioning myself so that I was more comfortable under the heavy fabric.
“I need you to stand up and come here.” She motioned for me to come over to her.
Blowing air out my nostrils I flung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up bringing the blankets along for the ride. “Put the blankets back,” Luna said.
My mouth dropped open. “Se-seriously, I can’t bring the blankets along?”
“I can’t have you dragging Shimmering Grace’s blankets all around the castle now.” Luna stated.
“Why no–never mind.” I said as I hesitantly unwrapped myself and tossed the blankets on the bed. Turning back towards the princess only to see her eyes wide as they occasionally looked my body over, my cheeks flushed a dark red.“Wh-what’s wrong?”
“N-n-nothing... just not what I expected... are you sure you’re not related to a minotaur?” Luna looked at me with a questioning look.
“What?” I raised an eyebrow.
Luna shook her head. “S-sorry, got off track.” Her horn lit up. “Just like I said, I’ll teleport us to the tailors, tell her what you need and we’ll be out before we know it.”
A draft blew through the room and I shivered and crossed my arms. “We better be.”
Luna closed her eyes. and the glow in her horn began to grow brighter “Alright... get ready, Lee. You’re going to feel a small tickle and we should be–”
Suddenly the door to the room flew open with a mighty bang which startled both of us, “Your highne–”
A loud burst of magic, like a gunshot, fired into the air and ricocheted off the glass of the lights above, and flew into the mirror. Which once again bounced off and came right at me. “Lee, duck!” Luna shouted diving right towards me, but before I could duck, or she could even shove me out of the way. Both of us were struck by the magic orb, and the entire world swirled into darkness.
:[-]:
“Princess Luna...” Said a distant voice. “Princess Luna, are you alright?”
Ah goddammit, my head ached, how many times in one day am I going to get knocked out... fuck might as well keep a tally.
A groan came close by me. “Oh thank the gods you are okay, you and that thing got hit mighty hard.” Slowly I began to open my eyes...
“Wha...” I began but found my throat was dried up again. I attempted to push myself up off the floor but I stopped, why do I feel heavy, I thought. I tried once again but for some odd reason I felt as if I gained over a hundred pounds in the last thirty seconds.
Giving myself one final push I felt the sudden nuzzle of a pony helping me to my... hooves?! I slowly opened my eyes, but once the first rays of light pierced my overly sized eyeballs, I winced and clenched them shut. Allowing them a few seconds to adjust, and once I opened them of course I was already facing the mirror, which gave me a clear visual of myself... or Princess Luna in this case. All the air was instantly sucked from my lungs and I was left speechless at the sight before me.
Behind me through the reflection I could see my still naked self slowly waking up. “Are you alright Princess Luna?” Asked the random guard who was looking at me/Luna with a concerned look..
I turned my new large horse head towards the guard my/Luna’s eyes still wide and pupils shrunken in fear. “Eh...” I said in this new girlish sounding voice.
You know when I first arrived, and I found gender swapping to be interesting... yeah... I change my mind this is fucking scary!
“Don’t worry, I’ll go tell Celestia right away,” Before I could even respond the guard turned and ran out the door!
Letting the guard go I slowly turned to face the mirror, gazing right into the eyes of the princess of the night.
Jesus... I thought as a shiver tore through Luna’s body. I just body snatched the fucking Princess of the Night...
My/Luna’s lip began to tremble, the fear of being outside my own body began to build. Even the sight of my own naked form through the reflection in the mirror frightened me, my new shrunken irises and pupils terrified me to no end! How the fuck was I doing that?! Is shrinking your irises and pupils even physically possible?! Just these small random things scared the living shit out of me. I wanted back in my own body, back to where I knew how things worked and moved. But I don’t know how, the only person I knew whom could probably fix these things were Luna, or maybe even Celestia!
My body rose up, groaning; my new body tensed with fear, ‘Oh shit...’ I thought. ‘My body’s been possessed!’ “Eh...” I whined like a dog, even the sound that escaped my lips sent shivers down my spine.
“Oh my...” I–well the thing in my body said in my own voice... ‘is that really what I sound like?’ My thoughts distracted me for a moment. ‘A tired out thirty year old?’
I shook my head nearly losing balance, “Eep!” I squeaked as I stuck out one of my four legs to keep myself from falling over.
“Huh?! What in the stars is wrong with my voice?!” I–whoever was in my body–said.
“What’s wrong wit–” I began but quickly silenced myself. ‘Jesus man, I sound like a girl... what the fuck am I talking about, I am girl for Christ sake!’
I looked in the mirror so I could see myself, whoever was in my body sat up gazing at his hands. “Lee?” I–goddammit, the person said. “Can you hear me?”
“Eh... yeah,” I chirped in that girlish voice. ‘So this is what Luna sounds like when she’s not being all royal and shit.’
“Then I guess my assumptions are correct,” He said still gazing at the pair of hands with a look of wonder on his face.
‘I really need to shave...’ I thought for some odd reason.
“L-luna... is that you?” I said my one leg I stuck out early now beginning to slide out from under me.
“Of course it’s me, who else would it be?” He/she said.
“Oh thank God... I thought you were some type of ghost or some–Gahwaaah!” I screamed as my weight gave out from under me when my hoof slid too far out. Landing on my side I let out a loud “oof”, groaning and now sore, I rolled onto my stomach.
Luna chuckled, “Are you alright?” She asked my own voice sounding elegant and royal. ‘Man I sound like a pretentious prick.’
“Yeah...” I wanted to rub my side but my legs wouldn’t bend the way I wanted them to. ‘I already miss my arms...’ I whimpered.
“You don’t sound like it.” Luna leant forward onto her arms and got on all fours. “Oh whoa, this is... uh... quite nice really.” She smiled and began to look herself over.
“Luna... wh-what happened?” I gazed down at myself, my voice trembling with fear. “Why am I in your body and why are you in mine?”
“I don’t know,” She gazed at her short hairy legs, her eyes then drifted back up and over to her arms. “Okay lets see if I can stand like you do,” Luna pushed off with her new arms and flung herself onto her feet, releasing a triumphant: “Ahha!” her body tipped back and she yelped in pain when her rear end hit the floor. “Horse apples!” She cursed out loud, her hand rubbing her back side. “Ohh...” A smile spread across her lips when she found a nice spot to scratch. “These fingers are really nice... I can touch and feel so many–”
“Princess please answer me!” I snapped.
Luna stopped scratching her back and sighed. “I told you, I don’t know, originally I was attempting to use the teleportation spell, but when Flask startled us the spell must have been corrupted or something.” She shrugged and turned around.
“Corrupted?!” I nearly shrieked, “What do you mean the spell was fucking corrupted?!” I cringed at the sound of my female voice dropping the F-bomb.
“Please don’t use vulgar language when you’re in my body, Lee.” Luna continued to reposition on herself, her hairy back side was now facing me. ‘Oh good god,’ I cringed at the sight. ‘Now I see why Alice always tell me to get myself waxed! Wait...’ My mouth dropped open and my eyes grew wide. ‘Why do I care about myself being all hairy now all of a sudden?! I never cared before when I was a man!’
“We don’t want anypony–” ‘God that doesn’t sound right in my voice.’ “–hearing myself say that.” Luna finished.
“Sorry,” I shook my head and lowered my voice. “But what do you mean, the spell was corrupted?”
“Eh... nothing major,” She said. “Just a minor mistake in my thought process, it’s an easy fix really.” Luna leaned forward and planted her hands firmly into the carpet, using her strength she slowly raised her ass high in the air. I wanted to cry at the sight of my own body in these awkwards positions, I felt as if I was watching a very embarrassing home movie, not to mention I’m seeing myself naked! Which in reality I would’ve been okay with... if I was alone or with Alice but with Luna, a person/pony I hardly even know and what makes it worse is that she’s in my body!
I can’t believe I actually felt like crying because of it, which was pretty odd because I never cry over these types of things... ‘Damn female hormones...’ “Alright, Lee,” She spoke up. “When I try standing I need you to help me.” Luna said her ass now beginning to sway side to side, her arms were now wobbling due to the pressure. It was only a matter of time before gravity steps in and pulls her over.
“I can hardly even stand myself.” I sniffed.
“Are you sure everything’s okay?” She asked in her strained voice while gazing at me from in between her legs.
“I don’t know...” I lowered my head to wipe the few excess tears which have been forming on the brim of my large eyes. “I’m just scared, and confused that’s all.” I took a deep breath. ‘Well I guess this means Luna has really sensitive feelings.’ I thought. “I can barely walk, and I have all these emotions running through me right now and...”
“It’s just my body getting use to your conscience that is all, give it a few minutes and everything should settle and you’ll be use to it in no time.” Luna explained her teeth clenched as once again she pushed off.
I watched as the princess tried to keep her balance, arms out stretched her body teetered back and forth like Grace when she was first learning how to walk. Falling back over after a few seconds of achieving full height, Luna groaned and pounded the floor with her fist. “How does your race walk with only two legs?” She said trying to clamber back onto her feet.
“Easy,” I said quietly as I rested my chin on the floor curled up like a dog on a rug, my emotions beginning to settle. “We stand.”
Luna shot me a disapproving glare which caused me to freeze, she gave me the same glare I usually give when I’m looking at Grace after she had done something wrong. ‘Okay that is just creepy.’ I sighed. “Try holding onto something,” I suggested. “Take hold of that dresser.” I motioned my head towards the dresser along the wall. “Once you grab onto it, pull yourself up and use it as support.”
Taking my advice Luna got onto her knees and crawled towards the dresser, grabbing hold of it she pulled herself up. Her legs looked as if they were made of jelly, her body quivered and shook all over, she released a shaky breath. “Oh my...” She shook her head.
“Damn.” I snickered. “You look as if you’ve just ran cross country.”
“I feel like... I have...” She took a deep breath.
I frowned, “It can’t be that hard.”
“Well excuse me if I’m not use to being in a body with little to no magical energy...” She heaved.
I raised an eyebrow. “I thought I was surging with magical energy earlier,” I said sarcastically. “What did it all just vanish or something?”
“No... it’s still here,” She said adjusting her legs so that she could stand easier. “It’s just that your body isn’t built, nor capable of using it. Might as well render it useless, okay... how do I start walking?” She looked to me for an answer.
Feeling the last of my-the emotions in my body settle I smirked. "Easy," I said recalling an old song back from when I was only a child. “Just put one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walking cross the floor.” I sang jokingly knowing that she wouldn’t get the joke but it help set me at ease. “Put one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walking out the dooor.” My voice came out almost angelic as I gestured towards the door.
‘Damn...’ I was impressed. ‘Luna has a pretty good fucking voice... I wonder what other songs I could sing later on– NOPE there won’t be a later, we’re fixing this right as soon she can walk!’
Luna smiled. “I didn’t know you could sing.” She said.
“I can’t,” I replied. “This is your body remember? Your vocal cords, I can’t sing worth shit.” I chuckled.
“Sure you can,” She said clinging to the dresser for dear life.
“Don’t believe me open my mouth– er...”
Luna busted a gut. “Could you please rephrase that?”
“Well that isn’t lady like.” I said blushing at what I said.
“I’m not a lady anymore am I?” She said.
‘She got you there, Lee.’
“I don’t need to act proper at the moment, matter of fact... I quite like this.” A large smile pierced her lips.
I grew nervous. ‘She better not be, so help me God if she’s going to–!’ “What are you saying?” I asked calmest voice.
“It’s been a while since I’ve ever been outside my own body, even then back when I was sharing my old body, the dominate being wouldn’t allow me to do anything. And seeing now that we’ve traded places, I feel like having a little–”
“NO! NO! NO! Please God NO!” I roared.
Luna nearly released her grip from the dresser her eyes wide. “What’s with the sudden hostility, Lee?”
“Once you start walking, we’re settling this issue, I am not staying in this body any longer then I need to be.” I explained.
“Ah come on, do you know how long it’s been since I had a decent break from being a princess?” She asked giving me puppy eyes and coming from a man, I’ll tell you it wasn’t cute. “And being a female might I add.”
“First of all, that’s creepy hearing that you’ve been a man before–”
“I’ve never been a man before,” She sliced through my words.
I shook my head. “Okay then, but just letting you know, Lulu, I don’t care if you’ve never had a break or not. That’s your problem not mine, I never asked for this.” I pointed a hoof at myself.
“Neither did I, so tough luck.” She retorted.
“You know when you’re not being a princess, you’re a jerk.” I rested my head back on the floor.
“Ah come on, Lee. You know I’m only messing with you, like I said it’s been a while.” She chuckled.
“Can you just hurry up and fix this...?” I mumbled.
Luna let go of the dresser and smiled at herself seeing that she was able to keep her balance. “Well no...” My head instantly shot back up, seeing my expression she smiled sheepishly. “Don’t get your mane in a bunch, dear.” She practiced taking her first step towards me, which was a success, lifting her opposite leg she held her arms out in opposing directions. “I can’t fix this right away,” Her smile grew bigger as each step was becoming easier. “Oh my... I never realized how soft this floor was!” She giggled as she curled and uncurled her toes in the soft carpet.
“Wait what?” I looked her dumbfounded.
“S-sorry,” She blushed. “It’s just that we ponies can’t feel with our hooves–” her hands fell back to her sides and the tips of her fingers brushed against her sides, which instantly sent a pleasurable tremor throughout her body. “–Oh my... your body is truly remarkable! Every little part I touch, I can feel–”
“Princess,” I said using her title. “This topic is starting to get a little creepy, can you please tell me why you can’t fix all of this just yet?”
Luna coughed into her fist. “My apologies, I can’t fix it just yet because... I don’t have magic anymore, thus I can’t perform the reversal spell, and seeing that you have zero experience with the arts. Completely destroys the option of you even trying, unless you want to accidentally kill us both.”
Again, my fear began to grow. “Wait... so we’re stu–”
She held out her hand, “Let me finish, Lee. But there is one more option,”
“We tell Celest–”
“NO! Oh please NO!” She mimicked my shouting. “Please don’t tell Celestia, she’ll freak when she realizes what happened! Trust me I know, we’re sisters, and you think I’m bad when I’m angry oh boy... she is like Tartarus on Equestria when she goes nuts!”
“Sorry.” I said, hearing my own shout nearly made me go deaf.
“Okay... as I was going to say, I’ll go down to the library and grab a ritual book. With rituals we’ll be able to conjure out artificial magic, with that I’ll be able to run the reversal spell.”
“So... we’re going to do some creepy voodoo shit, like making spooky chalk circles with satanic symbols?” I asked.
“Yes... is that a bad thing?” She gave me a concerned look.
“Well where I’m from, some people frown upon that stuff.” I chuckled thinking about my church back home when Father O’reilly and his brother found out our next door neighbor worshiped the devil... damn those were some interesting times.
“Oh... well, I’m afraid that’s all we really have at our disposal.” She went back to examining her hands. “These are going to be fun.” She giggled almost creepily.
“I’m okay with it, but how long is it going to take?” I asked her, Luna’s head snapped back towards me.
“Eh... well seeing that I’m going to have to find the book and set up the ritual... I would say about the rest of the day.” She said.
I nearly choked. ‘A day?! You can’t be serious.’ I groaned: “You can’t be serious...”
Luna nodded her head. “I’m afraid I am, Lee. And that brings up a few issues,” She gazed towards the open door, if the guard did as he said Celestia should be showing up soon.
“And what would that be?” I asked fearing that I already knew the answer. ‘I’m going to have to–’
“Pretend to be Luna,” She said. ‘Pretend to be Luna...’ I thought. ‘Yep, that’s exactly what I thought.’
“Goddammit...” I cursed under my breath.
“How good are you at acting?” She asked me.
“Eh...” I drifted off. “Seeing that I tricked half of your army into thinking I had a deadly chemical weapon–”
“What?!” Luna shot daggers at me with that fatherly glare and I winced.
“I’d say I’m a rather amateur actor...” I said trying to stomp out my fear. ‘Okay, Lee this can’t be that bad... all you have to do is...’ “What do I have to do?” I asked Luna.
“Well besides pretending to be me, you’re going to have to attend a court session in about thirty minutes.” Luna said taking a quick look over at the clock above the mirror.
“Court... did someone murder another pony?” Luna’s face became filled with shock and disgust.
“What! Oh no! No, no, no, not that type of court, nopony would ever kill each other... at least I think so.”
I looked away. ‘Says the pony who nearly murdered me earlier.’
“This isn’t that type of court.” She explained.
“Then what type of court is this?” I looked at her still frustrated of having to spend the rest of the day as not only a girl, a female horse... this will be an interesting story back home.
“You’ll be there to settle disputes with the citizens, collect taxes, pass or repeal laws, and at the end you get to have a ceremony with drinks and snacks.” She told me.
I nodded my head and tapped the bottom of my chin with my hoof. “Sounds rather boring up until the end,” Luna nodded her head in agreement.
“Most of the time the ceremony is fun, but after having to attend one for nearly every week for thousands of years... they tend to get boring.” She shrugged.
“Say, will there be drinks during the court?” My throat was still feeling rather dry, as if I haven’t drank anything all day.
“Well of course they serve water and wine,” She raised an eyebrow. “why do you ask?”
“Well seeing that you ponies driven me to start drinking, I might as well get a little alcohol in me so that I can just blank out the court.” I smiled, the thought of the surprisingly good grape wine placed me into a good mood.
“Oh no, please don’t do that!” She held her hands out.
I frowned and looked up to her. “Why not? I’m not going to sit there the whole time and listen to a bunch of politics debate with each other!”
“It’s just that... I’m not good with drinks...” She grew quiet.
“Neither am I! There’s another thing we have in common, and it only makes things easier for me. How many drinks of wines does it take for you to get drunk?” I straightened myself out.
“About two... maybe three...” She blushed clearly I was making her uncomfortable.
“Damn... It takes me about four to five... either way this makes things even easier.” I smiled a sense of pride beaming in my chest.
“Please, Lee, don’t drink too much. I already have seen how you act, and I have a reputation I want to maintain.” She pleaded.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. “As long as you find that book and continue on with our plan, I’ll consider not ruining your name.”
She sighed with relief.
“And that means, no talking to girls, especially not men, and keep your hands at your sides at all times!” I told her.
She looked at me. “What do you mean keep my hands at my sides, how am I going to carry things?”
“What I mean is, don’t go feeling yourself or anyone else up!” I snarled.
“What are you... oh...” Luna’s eyes drifted down towards her legs, a dark blush forming on her cheeks. “I hadn’t noticed that down... you know.”
“If you do anything to my body... or have someone else do anything to it- So help me God! I’ll fuck up your reputation sooo hard! That everyone will know you to be the worst princess ever, I’ll fuck it sooo hard your sister will disown you!!” I snarled through my teeth.
Luna giggled. “Don’t worry, Lee... you can count on me to keep my word.” She said with this small distinct smile, but before I could examine her even further she approached me. “Now come on, we need to get you on your hooves.”
She bent down and before I could react I released a girlish squeal once her hands touched my sides. “Oh my I am soft,” She laughed while pulling upwards. “Aaand heavy!” She gritted her teeth and pulled.
I grinned at the sight of her attempting to lift her/my body up off the ground, seeing that I myself could hardly even get myself up off the floor. I decided to do my best and pull myself up; with the lack of hands or just being able to grab onto anything in general. It took us nearly half a minute just to get my new body onto its hooves, but once we accomplished our goal, right away new difficulties were introduced. The first being: I had not a fucking clue on how to walk, second: I didn’t have enough time to learn. Luna told me that the time of our switch Celestia was in her quarters talking to her old student and friends and with the amount of time it took Luna to learn how to walk. That’d give us about another two, maybe three minutes for me to learn how to walk. ‘Maybe if you just didn’t sit around on your ass the whole time, maybe you’d already know!’ I scolded myself for being so lazy.
“Okay it’s not that hard,” Luna told me stepping back. “Like you told me, just put one foot in front of the other, difference is.” She quickly added the end bit. “You’re going to be moving your back left leg the same time you move your front right. Once you accomplish that you’ll see that it’s just as easy as walking in your own body.” She explained me.
So I took her advice, and like she said it wasn’t that hard to pick up on matter of fact it was rather easy. Yes I was a bit wobbly due to this newly added on weight, teetering from side to side but after about a minute I began to keep my balance. For the rest of the time I practiced walking laps around the room while Luna stood in the center stroking the stubble that was growing on her chin. “Alright, I’d give us another minute or so,” She mumbled, looking up from her position she glanced over at me. “Do you remember what I told you?”
I nodded my head remembering the short conversation we had during my short period of training. “Yeah, yeah, remain quiet, only speak if spoken to, and–”
“Let Celestia do all the talking, remember, Lee, court is a very important part in our society. If you mess this up not only will it be bad for me, but troubling for everypony in the end.”
I rolled my eyes. “As I said, Luna,” Stopping I gave her a stern expression, standing right across from her. “I won’t mess with you, as long as you don’t mess with me.”
Luna returned my glare. “I see, I accept your challenge.”
I frowned. “Challenge?”
“I won’t disturb your body, as long as you don’t disturb mine. Easy and simple, just don’t drink too much, or disturb any of my subjects, and I won’t speak to anyone.” She smiled and crossed her arms.
I snorted. “That’s not fair!”
“Why isn’t it?” She raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t know how you treat your subjects, or how much you drink on a daily basis... it’s like you’re setting me up to fail so that you can go be a player for a day!” I complained.
“I’m not setting anyone up to fail, all you have to do is not drink or speak.” She said.
“What’s next, I can’t eat either?” I spat.
Luna facepalmed. “Alright... in my quarters I have a wine cabinet, under my bed there is a key to it. If you can make it through the court session without getting drunk off the drinks they serve, oh by the way they’re a bit stronger than the ones the servants serve,” I gulped, ‘Way to tempt me even more... dick.’ “You can have a single, a single glass before dinner.”
“Wait... dinner?” I asked.
Luna eyes widened. “Oh did I forget to mention that?!”
I nodded quickly. “You never said anything about dinner!”
Luna began to pace her face full of panic. “Oh dear me, I completely forgot about the dinner preparation for all of us!”
I took a deep breath. “Hold up for a minute, why are you panicking?” I looked at her. “If what you’re saying is true, all we have to do is sit through dinner saying noth–”
“Well that’d be the case if it wasn’t going to be all of us. Lee, Celestia wants to use this chance to get to know you better, along with introducing you to Twilight and her friends.” She explained.
“Oh fuck we’re so screwed!” I slammed a hoof into the carpet.
“Excuse me?” A voice drifted inward from down the hallway. My eyes widened, ‘Shit it’s Celestia!’
Luna shot me a fear filled look, I returned her gaze by putting a hoof to my mouth while mouthing, 'follow my lead,' “Oh nothing, dearest sister,” I said gazing towards the door. “Lee, is just sharing some of his wonderfully funny stories with me–”
“Us!” Luna hissed.
“What?” I whispered, my head snapping towards her I frowned. “That’s stupid, who the hell says–”
“Well that’s nice,” Celestia entered the room looking at me with a soft smile. “It also sounds like your speech has improved slightly.”
I locked gazes with Celestia, I could see in her face that single black eye was already close to being fully healed. “Why... yes, Tia... thank you for noticing.” I pulled on a fake smile and nodded.
Celestia tilted her head. “Is everything alright, Luna? You seem a bit tense,” She said.
‘Am I tense? I could be but...’ I giggled. “Yes, Tia, I am alright thank you for wondering.” ‘Just keep giving her plain replies man, that’s all it takes.’ None of this felt right, everything I was saying or doing just didn’t feel right at all. Not saying that I am ashamed of lying straight to Celestia’s face and pretending to be her sister, matter of fact it was quite entertaining and thrilling knowing the fact that I could fuck up any second. But it didn’t feel right that I was in another body, it felt as if something deep down was trying to reject me, force me out per say... I couldn’t put my tongue on it but deep down in my/Luna’s gut, something just didn’t quite fit.
I relaxed and Celestia’s smile returned. “Good, and I see that, Mr. Harris– Lee? Where are your clothes?” Her face fell flat at the sight of the bare skinned Luna.
Luna laughed. “Yeah... They were...” Luna continuously kept trying to change her tone of voice from that one elegant touch she was so used to using, and tried to match it up with how I usually spoke. “Ruined.” She deadpanned.
Celestia sighed and shook her head in disappointment. “I’ll tell a few guards down in the barracks to take you down to the tailors in a little bit.” She said before turning to me.“And Luna,” She spoke softly. “What did I tell you about your anger issues lately...”
“Eh...” I bit the bottom of my lip. ‘Well shit this didn’t last as long as I was expecting.’ “I’m afraid, dearest sister... I loss... uh...”
Celestia shook her head a released another disappointed sigh. “We’ll discuss this later, in the meantime we have court to intend to.” She said while walking out of the room.
Once Celestia was out of earshot, “...Oh we’re so fucking boned.” I said defeated.
“Agreed.” Luna released a drawn out breath. “All I can say for now is... have fun!” She smiled and gave me a large slap on my flank.
“Gah!” I shot a glare at her, and all she did is laugh before grabbing the necklace from off the dresser and walking out the door, heading in the opposite direction of Celestia.
:[-]:
Oh Sweet Jesus have mercy on my soul, if I died in the crash and this was hell... please make it end! It’s like those moments in life when you’re doing something so boring and un-fun that it feels like it’s been going on for hours, only to look over at the clock and see that not even two minutes have passed. That’s what this feels like! So here I was sitting on a nice plush throne besides my... well seeing that I’m in Luna’s body, technically I have the right to call her my sister.
So here I was sitting beside my sister, Celestia, before a vast crowd of rich ponies on one side of the large throne room, while the opposing side was occupied by the lesser lower class. Both sides were firing ideas and objections back an forth and all that other nonsensical bullshit I didn’t care about, the only real thing on my mind right now was those drinks Luna said they’d be serving. As I said I know I wasn’t really much of a drinker before all of this... but confound these ponies they drive me to drink my sorrows away. Not to mention their drinks taste really freaking good, better than Jane’s Bar and Grill back on main street.
But the more I seemed to wait, the longer it seemed to take; around me came the sounds of ponies and Celestia slamming her hoof on the floor yelling “Order in the court–” or whatever I wasn’t listening. Instead I rested one hoof on the armrest, which I couldn’t even begin to comprehend on why they even have armrests to begin with, while leaning back in my throne. Now I bet compared to the rest of ponies, the style in which I was sitting probably didn’t really seem “Princess Like.” But to be honest I didn’t care, I can see why Luna wanted to have so much fun in my body. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how boring it would have to be sitting here almost once a week for over a thousand odd some years.
Fuck, I would kill myself.
“Luna, are you sure you’re alright, you’re acting a bit strange today?” Celestia whispered to me.
Gazing up at my “Sister”, I could see the look of concern on her face. “I’m just tired that is all...” I said quietly trying to cover up my boredom. “With all the ruckus, Lee, has been causing this morning, I hardly got any sleep.”
“He’s that big of pain isn’t he?” She replied.
I wanted to smack her, but remaining in the act I responded calmly: “Well he did manage to trick half of the entire guard.”
“How’d he–”
“If we don’t lower the taxes and raise the wages for private schooling, teachers are going to quitting by the dozens!” Shouted one of the lower class ponies, and if on cue ponies one by one began shouting back and forth.
I gritted my teeth, ‘I better get my drink soon, if not I’m going to snap if I have to hear one more debate…!’ As if God himself was listening in on my thoughts, a stallion appeared before me to my right. “Excuse me, Your Majesty, but do you care for a lovely glass of Berry Grape Wine?” The brown stallion with a short cut man in tux asked me. ‘Berry Grape Wine...? Is that even a thing?’
“Uh... yeah sure, thank you very much.” I thanked the stallion as I reached out with my arm–er–hoof, and that’s where I stopped. Troubled. How was I going to grab the glass? I have no hands, nor did I have the ability to use magic. Well. I did have the ability, I just didn’t know how to control it which was the problem.
The stallion raised an eyebrow. “Is there a problem, Your Majesty?” He asked me as he re-adjusted his foreleg to a more comfortable position.
“Oh no, there isn’t a problem,” I said leaning forward I carefully took hold of the glass with my teeth. Lifting the glass up off the platter which the stallion held with magic, the glass slid downwards, the back of my teeth clung against the arching ridge on the rim of the glass. Instantly a shiver ran down my back as goosebumps formed all over me, I placed the glass on a specifically convenient cup holder on the throne. “Thank you,” I whispered to the butler, he nodded his head and turned away from me.
“Luna, what are you doing getting a drink this earlier during court?” Celestia questioned me.
Forgetting that my “Sister” was even in the room, I looked to her and gave her a playful smile. “I just been feeling a little thirsty that is all.” I said giving her a small wink, I turned back and bent over to take a sip.
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Just don’t over do it now will you. Last thing we need is PMZ getting all riled up.” She said before turning her attention back towards the bickering ponies.
I nearly choked on my drink. ‘Did she just say what I think she said?!’ Gulping down a large portion of the wine I spat the cup back into its holder. I couldn’t help myself but silently giggle on the inside, ‘Even TMZ can’t keep its dirty hands off other fucking worlds... great.’ I sighed and leaned in for another sip, but before I could even get close to my delicious drink. I noticed myself–Luna–in the back... still naked unfortunately, by the double doors that led out into the central hallway. But what caught me off guard was the fact that Luna was speaking to, two mare guards. Now I’m not talking like normal pleasantries, I mean full on flirtation! The hand gestures the guards continuously giggling and blushing... I frowned. ‘Really...’ I thought. ‘After I politely... er... well okay it wasn’t as polite, but anyways I asked her to not speak to any of these ponies, but she goes and does it anyways...’
I looked at my glass and took a swig. ‘Well... then again.’ My thoughts continued as I eyed my drink. ‘I am drinking even though she told me not to... but... then again she just told me not to drink too much... and I’m not even feeling the slightest bit tipsy–’
:[-]:
“Aaand you seeee.... I chold herr not to goaannn do dit... Bugsh you vant to know wut shee sad to me?” I stumbled blindly passed a large crowd of ponies alongside two armored stallions, I was attempting to tell the guards the story of when Luna and I body swapped, but my words kept clumping together forming other words and phrases I never even knew existed.
“Please, Princess Luna,” The young familiar orange stallion looked up at me. “Now is not the time for tal–”
“Biitch...” I cut him off; my eyes striking fear into his soul. “I can saay... whatever the haaail I want.... wanna... wanna know why?” I pushed the guard away from me stumbling to the side nearly falling over. “Becau–” I burped “–Because I’m a goddamn princess!” I spat and continued to shamble to the side; my eyes trained on the two wide eyed guards. “More importan–” I choked “–Impor–Gah! Damn... More importaantllly... I’m yourrr princesss... heh...”
“Please, Luna...” The young guard’s eyes shot left to right. “You’re attracting too much attention to yourself, please let us guide you back to your room so you can get some proper rest.”
“No...” I backed away. “I’m going toooo.... I’m goin’ to find that littllleee... That little whore, and show her... I’m, I’m not...” I drifted off. My vision blurred and I continued to stumble back not even seeing where I was going, it’s as if I lost all control of my body and thought process. I was completely shit faced to no end, whatever wine that was, it sure as hell didn’t taste as strong as it really was. For whatever reason it only took that one glass, that one glass, and about fifteen minutes for me to lose complete control of my actions. For the first few minutes after I saw Luna chatting with that pretty mare, I found myself feeling drowsy and light headed. Celestia took notice of this right away and ordered two of her guards to escort me back to my–Luna’s–room.
When the guards approached me and I went to get up, the inevitable happened. When I stood, I lost all hope of keeping my balance, my legs became jelly and I slumped forward. Gravity taking control of the situation at hand, my face cracked into the marble floor in front of every single pony in the courtroom with my ass still hanging high in the air. Odd thing was though, I felt no pain, nor shame. Instead I released this wave of hysterical laughter, “Whoopsy!” I repeatedly shouted through my continuos wave of laughter. “I fell.”
It was almost too embarrassing to watch. I knew what was going on wasn’t right but I was too drunk to even feel any ounce of embarrassment. I couldn’t help myself! All my conscience could do is sit back and watch the movie unfold before me, at least that’s what it felt like... a movie. “Luna!” Celestia, caught off guard nearly shrieked. “What in mother’s name are you doing?!”
“Whaa... wha does it luuk like?” I cackled as I rolled onto my side. Vision swimming and the occasionally flicker from an unknown light distracted me. “I’mma a haaavin’ fun!” My forelegs shot out into the air and I released another wave of hysterical laughter.
Ponies all around me began to lean into each others ears, whispering, talking about me. Cameras flashed and I could see the look of embarrassment cross Celestia’s face as her cheeks flushed a deep dark crimson. She rose up and dismissed everyone, “I’m afraid fillies and gentlecolts we’re going to have to continue this next week.” She said with a hint of shame. “Please if you could, tend to yourselves in the dining hall, our servants there will address you all.” With that the room became full of the sound of chattering ponies as they filed out of the room.
As for I on the other hand, I rolled back and forth on the ground giggling like a young schoolgirl who had a crush on the most popular kid in school. Scary thing was though... I sounded exactly like a young girl. But I didn’t care, at least at the time I didn’t. Two guards approached me and tried to gently force me to my feet, for some odd reason this made me laugh harder. Possibly because of their snouts tickling my sides as the attempted to push me back onto my limbs.
For three minutes we continued in this struggle, Celestia stepped down from her throne disapprovement plastered onto her face. The guards stepped back and I felt an odd warm sensation wrap around me, I was lifted up off the ground and turned right side up. Landing on my hooves with a ‘clip’ and a ‘clop’, I gave Celestia my classic drunken look... at least as a human it was classic.
“Eh, sis!” I smiled at Celestia.
“Luna...” She said quietly but over the loudness coming from the mass of ponies that were filing out of the room, I was still able to hear her along with the anger that came with each word. “Go to your room...”
I frowned. “Aww.... I don’t wan–”
“Don’t talk back, just do it!” She hissed.
“But.... warres the fun in dat?” I complained like a six year old, I stomped my hooves on the ground my lips quivering as if I was going to cry.
“Luna, you’re acting foalish today, now go to your room and I’ll talk to you in a bit. Right now I have Twilight and her friends I must attend to.” With that she turned away. “Flash Sentry, Sparky!” She barked. “Take her to her room and watch over her...”
The two stallions nodded and saluted her. “Yes, your majesty!” The said simultaneously and then turned to face me while Celestia, still frustrated, turned and stormed out of the room followed by six other guards. “If you could please follow us, Princess Luna,” Said the orange pony. “I can assure you we can lead you safely back to your room...”
...
“Princess Luna...” So here I was now... Laying on the the castle floor. A headache with blood curdling screams that would not end, my vision impaired. I was blinded. Voices that were coming from the guards faded in and out. ‘Welp... I fell unconscious... again. How many times in one day... four... maybe five times?’
I felt something nudge my side and I was lifted off the ground. “We’re nearly there....” That voice from the orange pony slowly drifted it’s way through my mind. ‘What was his name again? Flash... I think, yeah that’s it. Flash Sentry.’
“Muh..muhahffmm...” Gibberish dribbled out my sore mouth. ‘I must of whacked it when I fell.’
I could feel my legs moving stiffly as I was carefully guided through the many corridors. My mind, even though it was screaming in agony. Began to clear, ‘I think I’m beginning to sober up.’ I thought. Not knowing where I was going I felt one of my four legs get tangled with the others and I nearly fell once again. Only to be caught by the guard that was escorting me on my right. “Careful, M’lady...” his voice went passed me like a car on the freeway. “These stairs may prove to be trouble...”
‘Great’, I thought. ‘I hate stairs.’
Just as the guard said I felt my front left leg bump into the first set of stairs. Slowly but surely I lifted each of my legs and began to ascend up the many steps that led straight to Luna’s room. For nearly ten minutes we spent away our lives slowly climbing our obstacle, and once we reached the top. I collapsed on to the smooth stone floor, I was exhausted the only thing I could think about was a bed. A sweet warm bed that I could tuck myself into a sleep in forever... at least that’s what I wanted to do. Instead I was again, forced to my hooves and led towards a door I could barely make out with my large eyes. Thankfully these hallways we were in were on the darker side of the color wheel, unlike the bright luxurious castle corridors in the floors below. My drunken eyes were quickly able to adapt to the scenery around me, the floor was a dark, nearly black, grey that was outlined by the purple walls that stretched all the way up towards the night time colored ceiling that was decorated with painted stars. The walls were fitted with torches that were lit by blue flames, along with portraits of Princess Luna herself ranging from what looked like her childhood, teen years, and now.
Admiring the images of the Princess, I must admit she looked rather adorable in her childhood years. “Sparky, get the door will ya?”
I felt the weight that was holding my left side vanish as the other pony darted ahead of us, so that he could open the door. Shambling our way into the large dark colored room, Flash Sentry gently eased me on to Luna’s bed. “There you go, Princess Luna. Just lay here and get some rest, We’ll wake you when it’s time to raise the moon...”
‘Raise the what?’ I thought as I sank into the plushness of the bed. The warmth and the blankets the guard pulled over me nearly coming close to knocking me into sleep. I yawned and gazed upwards at the guard. The alcohol and the lack of sleep blurred out most of his details, but through my disrupted vision I could see him smiling at me. Before I knew it I was out cold.
:[-]:
The night time mare passed around her sister’s chamber, with an irritated look on her face. “By my mother’s name she said she was going to be here nearly half an hour ago!” Luna grumbled under her breath as once again she gazed upwards at the clock that slowly ticked away as time went by. Forty minutes has passed and still Celestia was nowhere to be found.
“What the Hell?” I said to myself bewildered by where I was, I appeared to be in the same room as Luna. Strange thing was though; I was in my body and Luna was in her own! The world around me though was also different, everything was tinted with this grey hue as if I was watching some type of old timely film. “Luna where am I?” I asked the mare but she acted as if she couldn’t hear me. “Luna answer me!” I took a step towards her; she was still pacing around room. She went around not once but twice before coming to a stop and glaring once more at the clock mounted above the door.
She began to pace once more, this time though I stepped in front of her. “Stop ignoring me will y–!” There was a white flash followed by a cloud of ash as her body walked right through me like a ghost. Startled by this sudden happening, I spun around only to see that explosion of ash reform into the shape of Luna as she continued to pace around the room. “I’m dreaming.” I spoke to myself. “This is a dream, I’m in a dream right now.” I clarified to myself.
“Ugh... where is she?!” Luna snarled. A click was heard, followed by a loud creak of un-oiled hinges as the door to the room swung open.
“I am so sorry for keeping you waiting, Luna.” Celestia said as she walked into the room. “I do hope I haven’t kept you waiting long.”
“It’s been nearly an hour, dearest sister.” Luna said with a sigh of relief.
“I know, I have just had so much work to do in the study, it’s unbelievable.” Celestia said as she came in and sat on her bed. She used her magic and took off her tiara, along with golden chest plate, and shoes. She then ran a tired hoof through her mane and yawned. “It’s been nearly a day since I’ve slept.”
“Tia,” Luna said a look of concern sprouting. “You’ve been working in your study for nearly two weeks straight now.” She said. “Now is probably the time for some relaxation. Set aside your work and let us think of something fun we can do together.”
Celestia laid back on her bed and Luna came up right beside her. “That is exactly why I called you up her, little sister.” She smiled and gazed up at her ceiling. “How about you and I spend a day at the Canterlot Spa together?”
Luna’s face exploded with excitement like a child on Christmas Day. “The spa! Oh, Dearest Sister, you know I’ve always wanted to go there again!”
Celestia chuckled. “I know, that’s why I set aside all my work. I finally took notice that you and I... we don’t get to see each other too often, at least not outside work that is.”
Luna hopped onto the bed and hugged her sister. “Oh thank you, Tia.” She pulled back. “When are we going?”
Celestia laughed out loud at the sight of her sibling’s actions. “I was planning on maybe this afternoon.”
Luna squealed like a teenage girl. “That’d be perfect!”
And with that... the dream faded.
I stood there, stunned by what I just witnessed. Could I even consider that to be a dream? All what I’ve just seen there seemed all too real to be considered one. It more or less felt like I just experienced one of Luna’s memories from some time ago, if that was the case. If I have some of Luna’s memories still trapped deep with in my mind, or hers, in this instance... could that mean she has some of mine as well? I guess this means Luna and I are going to get to know each other far deeper than I originally thought we would.
I stood with my back against a wall in Luna’s chamber with a disgruntled look. “What is it now?” I mumbled. I knew that I was still in Luna’s body, yet in this particular instance I wasn’t. Matter of fact, I was still dreaming. When the previous dream had collapsed another had formed in its place, piece by piece, it was almost like a puzzle had assembled itself before me.
The deadlock on Luna’s door came loose and to my right it swung open. I raised an eyebrow and watched as another grey hued Luna strolled into the room. She appeared agitated. Luna’s horn flashed and the door behind her slammed shut, from there she blew past me and went over to a large desk. There she threw open the bottom drawer and with her magic, fished out a black bound book. Which she placed gently on top of her desk. Luna then pulled over a plush chair and sat down. She levitated a quill and ink pot beside the book and dipped the feather into the pot and began to write furiously in the book.
I pushed myself off the wall, my face puzzled. Luna was breathing heavily and she seemed very upset about something. I went over to investigate. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, though I knew it wouldn’t be worth it. I had to remind myself that this was only one of Luna’s many memories. I stopped behind her and looked over to see her face. She looked as if she was about to cry.
Confused I peered over her shoulder and down at the black book she was writing in. The words were blurry and I was unable to get a clear picture on what she was writing. Though it seemed as if she was writing in some sort of journal, a diary perhaps? I thought to myself, maybe this book of hers holds clues on to how I got here.
“Perhaps,” I said out loud.
I turned my head back at the sound of three loud knocks coming from the ornate hardwood door. Luna sniffed and shook her head. “Luna.” I could hear Celestia’s muffled voice coming from behind the door. The knob began to turn and the door clicked when it opened. “Luna, I know you’re in here–”
“J-just leave me alone!”
Celestia stepped into the room. “Luna please, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you like that, I was just afraid that was all.”
“You’re afraid?!”
I was standing in front of Celestia when she walked right through me. Like with Luna Celestia’s body exploded into ash, only to reform into its original state behind me. I stumbled backwards startled once again by this bizarre experience. “I’m never going to get use to that,” I said as I ran a hand through my hair.
“Luna please, I told you not to bother me when I’m working,” Celestia said quietly as she slowly approached her sister. Luna quickly closed her book and shoved it into the desk’s lower drawer before Celestia could see it. “What was that?”
“Tis nothing.” Luna wheeled herself around and locked gazes with her sister. “Sis, what you were doing was not work.”
“Luna, you do not need to hide anything from me,” Celestia said completely disregarding her sister’s statement.
“What the hell are they talking about?” My eyes shifted between the two of them, when I looked to Celestia I could see the faintest look of worry. “What are you hiding, Celestia?”
“I’m not hiding anything. ” Luna sighed, “You're the one who’s hiding something.” She stood up from her chair. “How about we go for some tea and discuss such matters later?”
Celestia shook her head. “I think discussing this right here is just fine little sister. What was that book you just put away?”
Luna scowled. “I said it was nothing,” She said in a low sharp voice.
Celestia looked around the room, most likely seeing if anyone may have been listening in on them. Her horn suddenly flashed and I could see a faint grey aura form around the door and windows. “Please Luna, if word gets out about what I was doing down there...” She fell silent. “Things will not go well for either of us.”
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing here, could they be talking about me? Or something else? Whatever this is, it’s a secret they’re keeping from their kingdom. A terrible secret judging by what Celestia had said.
“Celestia.” Luna’s voice was stern and Celestia winced at the sound of her sister using her full name. “What you’re doing is dreadful! Drop this project instantly and move on! It is cruel and absolutely unusual!”
“No, Luna.” Celestia looked away as if out of shame. Luna appeared shocked by what she had heard, however, before could reply Celestia continued, “I have gone too far and learned so much. I cannot back down now. The strength and similarities we bare is spectacular.”
“Celestia, that is because you–”
Knock knock knock!
I frowned and looked around the room. “The hell was that?” It sounded like someone was knocking at the door.
“What do you mean I’m acting like a mother?” My attention was brought back towards the two apparitions arguing in front of me.
“You know full well sister, you have become obsessed with your work! I’ve read your notes, you’re babying it! Treating it as if it was your very own foal!”
“I am not!” Celestia shouted.
“Yet you are!” Luna retorted, her face was overwhelmed with anger. "I have said this once, and I’ll say it again. Stop what you’re doing now!”
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
There it goes again.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
“Can someone fucking get that?”
“That is it!” Luna screamed, and with that scream came a loud echo along with a gust of wind. “I have had enough of your nonsense! Leave. Here. Now!”
I ducked and covered my ears, looking back I saw Luna’s eyes were nearly white. She was glaring at Celestia with such ferocity even the elder sister cowered a bit, she then straightened herself out and nodded. “Very well then, little sister.” Celestia’s ears fell flat and her voice was merely a whisper. “I’ll do as you wish.”
“Wait, what the fuck is happening?!” I stood up and went over to Celestia. “Did I miss something?” I really had no idea what was going on. Because of that goddamn knocking noise I had missed half the conversation–
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
I glared at the ceiling. “Would you knock that shit off!” Seriously, I missed half the sho–er, memory because of this shit and possibly the reason on why I’m here. I looked towards the door and saw Celestia walking out of the room. “Oh now we’re you going,” I said started towards the door after her “Where the fuck are you going?!” I shouted even though she couldn’t hear me, “Where the fuck are you going?!” She was out the door now. “What the fuck are you hiding from me?!”
The second Celestia’s magic swung the door shut a blinding flash of light engulfed the room. When my vision slowly returned, I was back in Luna’s bed. My eyes gazing up at her ceiling, her dark, oakwood ceiling. I started blinking my eyes, trying to rid myself of the fuzziness that still infested them. I gulped and raised my head and gazed down at myself. “Yep,” I sighed in Luna’s voice, “Still not human... nor a man for that matter–” I winced at a sudden stinging headache. “Gah–... fuck...” I whined, if I hadn’t been going through any pain when I heard that sound I had just made. I’d find it rather cute. Though, in a situation such as shoveling my way through a hangover, not so much.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
“Graaahah–oww...” I cupped my hooves over my ears and rolled over in bed.
“Open the door, Lee!” I heard my real voice shout from behind the door. “Open up!”
“Luna... I. Am. NOT–ow–in the mood right now!” The stinging pain caused by each knock of the door brought me closer to tears.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
“I am not leaving for art thou has some explaining to do!” She continued to pound on her bedroom door.
I shoved my head deep into one of Luna’s many pillows and whined quietly, “Oh for fuck sake, please kill me.” I knew exactly why she was here, and what she was about to do to me. Well at least I thought I knew what she was going to do to me, and that being chewed out for making a fool of herself. However, now that I think about it: much far worse things are starting to come to mind.
KNOCK! KNOCK–
“Alright, fuck!” I half shouted because of my aching migraine. “I’m getting up, just please...” I choked, “Just stop banging on the door!” I crawled my way off the bed, and as best I could stepped off with my right foreleg.
Slowly I took each leg off one at a time, trying to find balance with each one. Once I had accomplished being able to stand I slowly, and as best I could, walked my way over to the door. Upon stopping behind it, I had found that I was now introduced to a new obstacle.
Doorknobs.
Oh Sweet Jesus the number one killer of creatures without opposable thumbs. Actually, looking at it now: why are there even doors with knobs in the first place?! Like, I understand for unicorns and what not, but... what about the winged ponies and the non special ones. How do they get past these unscalable structures?
“Umm, Lee?” I heard Luna ask behind the door, “You can open the door now.”
“Uh... Yeah about that.” I gazed down at my hooves wishing I really had hands right now. “We may have ran into a problem.”
“And what would that be?” She asked, the irritation in her voice being rather clear.
“How do I open doors?”
All of a sudden I heard a thump against the door, presumably her head. Luna let off an exasperated sigh. “Oh sweet mother let me kill him when this is over,” She mumbled before taking a deep breath. “Lee, what do you mean you don’t know how to open the door?”
I raised an eyebrow and glared at the closed door. “What part of that sentence did you not understand?” I asked, “I don’t have hands, therefore how do I open a door?”
“With magic you dimwit! Use my magic to open the door!”
“How do I magic then?!”
“Arrgh!” Luna cried out and I heard her head thump against the door again. “Lee, we went over this earlier. Just... for pete's sake even a foal can do this. Focus all of your attention on the knob, and imagine it turning. If your concentration is good enough you should hear it start to move, once it clicks just pull it open and then we can discuss the issues that had risen.”
“Alright then, I’ll give it a shot.” I closed my eyes and focused all my attention on the knob, doing as she said I imagined the doorknob turning on its own. I replayed this image a few times in my head, after the fourth time I began to feel a sudden warmth sprout around my forehead. Opening my eyes I noticed a blue aura around the knob and it began to turn. “H-hey Luna, I’m doing it! It’s–” about a quarter of an inch the knob stopped. “Wha...?” I jiggled the knob but it wouldn’t open. “Luna, the knob isn’t moving? Why isn’t it– ”
“Because it’s locked, you idiot! Oh dear mother has drinking made you this stupid?!”
I felt a jab of anger in my chest and my eyebrows furrowed, however I restrained myself from saying anything. Luna had a right to be angry, what I had done wasn’t right, I should give her that at least. I took a deep breath and used her magic to undo the lock, finally after a few wasted minutes I finally opened the door. Luna stood in front of me and for a mere second I felt as if I was looking at myself in the reflection. Luna still had not gotten fully clothed, but thankfully she wasn’t walking around in my body completely naked.
She wasn’t wearing a shirt, however she was wearing my dress pants and the enchanted medallion in order to stay undercover. Looking at myself from an outsiders perspective was rather odd I would admit, because you begin to notice things that you wouldn’t normally see. For instance: I looked as if I hadn’t shaved in nearly a week; patches of dark brown fuzz had sprouted all along my jawline and cheeks. The same went for my hair, boy did I need a haircut; already it had began to go past the tips of my ears. The most annoying thing of all though was that I could see a few grey hairs mingling with the brown along the back of my head when Luna walked past me.
It was funny seeing her walk. I could tell she wasn’t use to having only two legs, it reminded a lot C-3PO and how he didn’t really bend his legs. “What?” Luna snapped at me and stopped in the center of the room.
I awkwardly turned to face her. “Oh nothing, just admiring the view that’s all,” I said literally looking myself over. “Also, hasn’t anyone mentioned yet that you walk like an old person?” Luna shot an aggravated look at me and rolled her eyes without saying anything. “Like seriously, how are you going to pull off my act if you’re walking around like some kind of–”
“I’m sorry,” Luna suddenly said, causing me to look at her confused. Why did she just apologize?
“What?” I asked, my mind still trying to decipher what she had said.
Luna began to approach me slowly. “I’m, so, so sorry for this.”
“What are you–” My voice was cut short by her knuckles making contact with the bottom of my chin, my head recoiled to the left and I had lost balance and fell into the nearby dresser.
“ARRGH!” I heard Luna cry out in pain. “Good, sweet–arrrgh!”
I laid on the floor, my eyes still wide in shock from what had just happen. I was surprised that not only did I just get punched, but I also felt no pain. Which was utterly bewildering because the force behind that haymaker had thrown me into the nearby dresser, did I really have that good of a left hook?
“Gaah!” The floor shook with Luna plopping her rear onto the floor. “This pain! How can you feeble ones deal with this feeling?!” I raised my head off the floor and glanced over at her, she was sitting on the floor with of her left hand jammed into her mouth, trying her best to numb the pain.
“Wh...why?” I mumbled out completely dumbstruck.
Luna grimaced and popped her hand out of her mouth. “What do you mean why, you imbecile?!” She got up, doing her best not to use her left hand to push her off the ground, she shot daggers at me. “How could you be so inconsiderate?!”
I steadily pushed myself back up onto my hooves, my conscience clearing back up. “Oh my God...” I sighed, thoughts of earlier today resurfacing.
“I told you not to go drinking!” Luna nearly screamed at me, “And look at have what you do done!”
“Bullshit!” I raised my voice back at her. Though she had a right to be angry, I still wasn’t going to go down without trying to defend myself. Seriously, I think a punch was enough. “You told me don’t go drinking too much!”
“Ugh!” Luna tossed her arms in the air and turned her back to me.
I continued to defend myself. “I only had one drink! One!”
Luna looked over her shoulder. “Really now?”
“Yes.” I nodded my head. “And it was very good.”
“What kind of drink was it?” Luna lowered her voice back down to its original volume.
“Wine, like you said they served,” I said, “Berry Grape wine.”
Luna raised an eyebrow. “Berry grape wine? Is that so?”
“Y-yeah, what’s wrong with that?”
“What’s wrong with that?” Luna repeated my question to herself, she dropped down onto her fours and reached under her bed. Seconds later she pulled out a small key. “Oh I’ll tell you what’s wrong with that: Remember that wine cabinet I told you I had?”
My mind drew a blank, however I continued to shake my head in a fake agreement. “Uh, yeah sure.”
Luna opened her closet and pushed away some of her various dresses, behind that was a cabinet. “Well it just so happens that ‘berry grape wine.’” She unlocked the cabinet and opened it, she reached in and pulled out a large purple bottle and flashed it towards me, “Is the highest degree of alcohol in Canterlot, and aside from the kitchen staff, I am the only pony in this castle who has access to it.”
So the pony who can hardly hold her drink, I thought, has some of the strongest shit in the castle. Okay, seems legit. “So where are you getting at?” I asked.
“Why did you drink it?” She asked easily pulling the cork out of the bottle.
I looked at her dumbly. “What do you mean, why did I drink it? I was thirsty!”
“That’s besides the point, Lee, you were in court!”
“And I was fucking thirsty!”
“Do NOT!” I jumped. “Use such vulgar language with me!”
I took a step back startled, and gulped. I closed my eyes and shook my head. “You know what Luna, fuck you.” I snarled.
“Excuse me?” She cocked her head at me.
“We had a deal,” I growled and took a step towards her.
“Indeed we did.” She hissed and took a swig from her bottle. “A deal in which you–”
“You know what, shut the fuck up!” I took another few steps towards her. “You want to know the truth?” I stopped a few inches from her she placed a hand on my chest and pushed me back. “Do you really want to know why I drank that wine.” Luna responded by narrowing her eyes with mine and leaning in closely. “I drank that wine because you and every other fucking thing in this god forbidden castle is driving me CRAZY!”
“That is besi–”
“And not only that!” Without thinking I had magically taken the wine bottle out of Luna’s grasp and took a large gulp from it while Luna watched in pure horror. “Gah–!” I pulled the bottle away from my lips and dropped it on the floor, spilling its contents onto the carpet. “It was mainly because of you–yeah, all because of you broke the deal too you hypocritical bitch!”
Luna’s back struck the open cabinet due to my blow. “I saw you flirting with those guards!” I continued, “The looks on their faces when you did that prissy little hand gesture!”
“Lee, what are you talking about?”
“I’m saying you're a goddamn traitor!”
An awkward silence hung in the air as we let things settle in. Luna brought a hand behind her head and scratched her neck while my eyes traveled towards the spilt drink which had stained the carpet a hideous purple. We both sighed deeply.
Luna started first, “I-I’m sorry, Lee–”
“No, no... I should be sorry.” I took another deep breath.
“I shouldn’t have hit you like that.”
“Yeah I really think that should’ve been it.”
“There was no possible way you would’ve have known that the drink was that strong.”
“No really, I fell like a sack of bricks. I’m surprised it didn’t bruise.”
“You done?”
“What?”
I looked at Luna with a raised eyebrow, she laughed out loud. “I guess I must’ve knocked your brain loose.” She patted me on the shoulder. “Now could you please step out of the way so that I can get out?” I looked over my shoulder, I hadn’t noticed that my entire body had cornered her in the closet.
“Oh, sorry,” I said doing my best to back up. “And I believe you mean, your brain.” Luna snorted.
When the two of us stepped out of the closet we sat back by her bed in complete silence, our backs facing one another. The spilt drink now gave the room a strange sense of berries; it wasn’t a bad smell, but it was rather strong. “So,” I said breaking the silence, “Have you found that spell book you mentioned earlier.”
I heard Luna gasp. “Oh my! I can’t believe I forgot!”
I groaned and fell onto the bed on my side. “Don’t tell me you didn’t get it...”
“No, no, I have it.” My heart immediately leapt with joy and I felt the bed level out when Luna got up. “I just don’t have it on me as of yet.”
I rose up and looked over at her. “Wait, does that mean we can swap bodies again?” My heart fluttered and I felt like an excited school girl going on her first date.
“Yes,” Luna said but before I could release a heartfelt cheer she raised a finger. “But there’s a quick catch.”
My heart stumbled and I nearly gagged. “Wh... what do you mean there’s a catch?”
“The ritual needs at least forty minutes of preparation and...” Luna gazed upwards at the nearby clock. “And dinner isn’t ready for another twenty.”
I stepped off the bed and faced her. “What if I help you set it up, then we can finish it in half the time and be home before supper.”
“Lee, it doesn’t work like that. When I said it takes at least forty minutes to prepare I meant it, even with help it’ll take the same amount of time.”
“How does that make any sense?”
“Lee, we’re talking magic here not your afternoon chores. It’s a really picky process and it’s better off doing it alone, it’s less dangerous that way.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fucking horses and your voodoo magic.”
Luna released a frustrated sigh. “Now, Lee there’s no reason to cock an attitude. Just go to dinner and just try your best to be me.”
“Now how am I supposed to do that? I made a fool of us remember?”
Luna cringed. “You mean, you made a fool of me remember?”
I lowered my head and apologized, “Alright, sorry, but that doesn’t change my point. What am I supposed to do?”
Luna bit her lower lip and brought a hand to her chin, she briefly turned away from me in thought. Almost a minute passed before she pounded her fist into her palm and faced me again. “I have a plan, I’m feeling stressed alright.”
“You’re the one feeling, what about me–”
“You get what I mean!” She barked, I snickered and looked over at the cabinet. She really has a lot of drinks in there for a pony who hardly takes it in, Luna continued on with explaining her plan,“Recently there’s been a lot of stress between my sister and I.”
“Yeah because of that fight you guys had right?” I asked, wondering how many different flavors of wine could be in there.
“Yes because we had... that... fight... how in Equestria do you..” She looked at me speechlessly.
My eyes met with hers. “What?” I raised an eyebrow, then it clicked. “Oh...” I mumbled, “I said something I wasn’t supposed to didn’t I?” Luna frowned and bit her lip and quickly turned away from me and walked over to her desk. The same desk that I recalled her black book being in, which was also the book I told myself I’d look into. “Wa-wait, where are you going?”
“I need to check something!” Luna snapped at me and knelt down in front of the desk, she reached down into the bottom drawer, pulled it open, and grabbed her book. She tossed it on top of the desk. When looking at the cover of the book, I noticed that it wasn’t black, but instead violet. Luna opened the book and flipped through a few pages, for nearly minutes I stood behind her waiting as she continued to read and skim over countless passages.
The silence was then broken by Luna wincing slightly and a hand shot to the side of her head. I took notice of this and shook myself from day dreaming. “Is something wrong?” I asked.
“N-no,” Luna replied and cringed. “Just a minor headache that is all. Been pushing through one all day.”
I sighed. “I know how you feel, ever since I got here I’ve been going through them in and out. Trust me it’ll pass.”
Luna nodded. “I suspect it will.” She tapped her finger on the page and growled. “Right here.” Her voice suddenly went cold.
“Right where?” I took a step forward but Luna slammed the book shut and turned towards me, making me jolt slightly. She raised the book up in the air so that my eyes were aligned with it.
“Do not jest with, Lee,” She said shaking the book, “I know you went through my diary.”
I recoiled back, I knew that’s what that was! “Whoa, okay...” I straightened myself out, prepping myself for defense. “No, Luna I did not read anything. Hell, I didn’t even know that was in there in the first place–”
“You’re lying!”
“No I’m not!”
Luna looked at me with pure disbelief. She lowered the book and began to approach me. “Then how do you know about that fight my sister and I had?”
“I dunno, lucky guess–”
Luna stopped just inches away from me. “Do not toy with me, Lee!”
“Why does it even matter?” That was the question that seemed to tip her over the edge.
Her face contorted. “Why does it matter?!” She twirled away from me and went over to her desk. She threw the book into the drawer and slammed it shut. “Why does it matter?!” She repeated. “Does it matter that my sister spent the last month locked away in the basement?!”
What the Hell is she rambling on about? I asked myself, Celestia locked herself in the basement?
“Does it matter that I’ve had to clean up after everything she has dropped just to watch over you!” Luna shouted and dropped herself onto the desk’s seat panting like a dog. “ I need a drink,” she mumbled and got up from the chair and went to the wine cabinet.
I stood there shocked. My mind now breaking past five thousand miles an hour. “Does it matter that I’ve had to clean up after everything she has dropped just to watch over you!” Luna’s words continued to play on repeat. I slowly turned to look at her, she was already downing a bottle of wine.
“Luna...” I could hardly piece my words together. I was still processing what have been said, watching over me? What does she mean Celestia’s been watching over me? Then I began to realize... my entire life. The white apparition; the anomaly I had seen in my neighbors yard before leaving home!
Jesus Christ, it was all starting to make sense! “Luna!” I demanded her attention, I pounded a hoof to the floor. She took her lips off the bottle and looked at me.
“Hwat?” I could tell the alcohol was getting to her.
I narrowed my vision and took a deep breath. “What do you mean Celestia has been watching me?” I asked, my tone opting to something more threatening than I attended for, “Just how long have I actually been here?”
She looked at me confused, than realization for what she had done. Luna quickly placed the bottle back into the cabinet and locked it. Next her eyes met with mine and she quickly brushed past me. “I think we wasted enough time here, Lee, I’ll get the spell prepped and–”
“Hey!” I barked stopping her in front of the bed, “Just where the hell do you think we’–”
“Do you want your body back or not?” She turned and gestured to herself.
I looked at her and frowned. “As of now I want answers.”
Luna’s eyebrows curled upwards and she bit her bottom lip, her eyes darted towards the door as if she contemplated gunning for it. She then sighed and lowered her head in defeat. “Lee, right now is not the time for this.”
I leaned into her and stared her in the eyes. “I think we have just enough time.”
Luna put a hand to my chest I pushed me off like before. “Right now we don’t.” She pointed to the clock. “We have less than ten minutes. The spell will take nearly three times as long to get ready, I’ll lead you down to dinner and divert from there.”
I snorted and rolled my eyes. I’m really getting tired of having my questions avoided. “Fine I’ll play along,” I said, a small part of me surprised by how hostile I sounded towards her. “What about you, or should I say me. If this dinner is happening because Celestia wants to introduce me to a few ‘friends’ of hers’ wouldn't it be suspicious for you to not show up?”
Luna closed her eyes and shook her head. “Yes, you are correct, Lee. But I’ve already thought about this and came up with a believable solution.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “And what’s that?”
“I got lost.”
My lips cascaded into a thin line and my eyebrows fell. “Huh... I guess you did think well on that.” I can see Celestia falling for something such as that. I’ve only been here for what? Two days?
“But the dinner isn’t just for you, Lee.” Luna pushed past me and went for the door, she motioned for me to follow. “Tonight is a very special night.”
“What do you mean?” The two of us finally stepped out into the hallway for what nearly seemed like an eternity has past since I first left her room.
She looked at me and smiled lightly. “Tonight is the night before Hearth's Warming Eve.”
“What do you mean it’s Hearth's Warming Eve?” I asked Luna as we walked through the hall towards the dining. The name Hearth's Warming sounded vaguely familiar to me, I could slightly recall Celestia the day before mentioning it to me.
“The twenty third, just a day away from the Hearth’s Warming Eve theatrical play.”
That’s right. That was the moment in which I had learned that I had missed mine and Alice’s anniversary. I sighed deeply at the memory. I can’t believe I’d missed one of the most important days in the year, she must’ve been devastated. Then there was that gift, my bowtie! The tag it read: “Happy Hearth's Warming Eve.” Shimmering Grace gave it to me... I never once thanked her for it either.
“You mean you don’t know?” I picked up on Luna’s voice, or more specifically my voice seeing that we had not actually switched with one another yet.
“Of course I don’t know,” I replied quietly, my mind still set on my wife being alone. “I don’t live here remember?”
Luna shrugged her shoulders and we rounded a corner that led to a set of stairs. I stopped immediately while she began to descend. “It’s like one of the most looked forward to holidays in all of Equestria!” Luna said enthusiastically, she clearly was one who looked forward to it herself. “It is a time in which all pony races come together and celebrate the day in which we all joined hooves to create such a fantastic...” She trailed off and stopped halfway down the steps. She turned and saw that I haven’t even taken a single step downwards. “Lee?”
I paid no attention to Luna. Instead, my eyes remained locked on possibly one of the most unexpected, yet terrifying, foe. Stairs. And I at first glance thought that doorknobs were my number one enemy, and now looking at these stairs. I know why my Grandparent’s German Shepard was so afraid of them.
If I take even a single step. I’ll break my neck, calling it now. Hundred dollars, going all in.
Luna shook her head and sighed when she finally realized what was happening. “For tartartrus sake, Lee, I know it looks intimidating but it isn’t that bad.”
I snorted. “You say that now, but I nearly died last time when heading to court,” I said recalling the past event. If Celestia hadn’t been there to catch me, surely I would’ve been carted off in a body bag.
Luna scratched the side of her neck. “Well if I help guide you down would that make you feel any better?”
“No.”
“Come on, Lee I’ll be holding you.”
“Yeah but if I fall and you happen to be in the way I’ll kill you.”
“No you would–”
“And then I’ll be stuck in this hideous body forever!”
Luna frowned. “Okay, now that’s just rude.”
“Eh, sorry. But it’s true.” I smirked at her, she shook her head.
“Come on, Lee, now is not the time for jesting. We’re on a time limit now could you please get a move on it.”
I gulped. “Well, I can try again,” I said and stuck my first leg forward. I made contact with the step and felt my body lurch slightly forward, I started to move the next and begin my ever so slowly descent down the castle steps.
For what felt like almost an eternity of baby stepping my way down, was actually only a three minute trip. Halfway down I had begun to sweat like a pig, my mind constantly telling me. “You’re gonna fuck up, you’re gonna fuck up and get hurt. Don’t fuck up.” I tried shutting that part of my brain off by reminding myself that I was halfway down yet I couldn’t. The voice kept getting louder, and before I knew it. I was taking my first step onto the marble floor of the castle's western wing.
I noticed Luna leaning against the wall, her arms crossed. “Took you long enough didn’t it?”
I hadn’t realized but I was panting, my legs jiggled as if they were jelly. “How do you do it?” I asked my voice shaking like a leaf.
Luna laughed out loud. “I lived my entire life in that body, Lee. It just sort of became second nature. Quite frankly, being in your body has revealed to me how easy your life is.” I flashed her a look, Luna held my hands up to her face. Then turned them to show me, she twiddled her thumbs. “Seriously, look at these things. They're so small, yet without them... just imagine how different your life would be.” She chuckled and pushed herself off the way. “We should get moving now, dinner is just a minute away.”
:[-]:
The heavenly smell of spices and already fixed meals wafted its way into my nose. Right away my stomach went on a roaring rampage and my mind was already screaming at me to just jump right into the meal. Doing my best though, I kept myself restrained. Instead I decided to take a casual gander around the hall; I sat at the edge of a long royal table that stretched a quarter of the way across the room, the dining hall I sat in was a lot different than yesterday's. The decor that was used made it feel a lot more, Christmassy, yet it wasn’t. Though the drapes along the windows and the rugs on the floor shared the same colors as Christmas. It wasn’t.
Hearth’s Warming Eve I believe these horses called it.
If I recall correctly Luna explained to me it was the time in which the three pony races came together in order to live in peace. Which is supposedly what the play is going to be about after dinner. However, I did not share the same excitement as I did with the ponies who were eating with me. It just so happens to turn out that tonight was supposed to be the night in which Celestia introduced me to her old student and friends. The same ponies who were going to be participating in said play.
It just so happened to turn out that, I wasn’t there. Well, more specifically Luna was out trying to set up that spooky voodoo witchcraft shit she doesn’t want me to help her with. Which even to this point I still don’t understand why I’m unable to help. As of now my limbs are rattling like crazy, and I’m surprised no one has noticed me yet.
Not only was I shaking because I was afraid of being caught, I was also shaking because for the past day now I couldn’t stop thinking of my family. I’ve been over this constantly with myself yet I can’t get them out of my fucking head! Right now I was thinking about what Alice and Grace were doing now. Assumably the time now was around eight o’clock-ish. I didn’t have a clock near me so I couldn’t check.
Alice and her sister were most likely setting up the family table for dinner. Her Mom Janice and her Father Philip, were probably bickering at each other from across the table like they always did. My best friend Kurt Keyes was possibly hanging out with my cousin Barry and the other guys, while Grace and her cousins were hanging out in her bedroom like every year.
We never had any big extravagant parties on Christmas Eve like I heard from a few of my co-workers. My family and I would have a small get together, eat, talk about football or how our year was going. Then we’d get out the presents and sit around the tree... and... give gifts to one another.
I hadn’t noticed but my eyes were downcast and a single tear had appeared along the rim of one of my eyes.
Would they still be keeping the tradition even though I’m not there? Well, sure they are. They have to be, right? Me not being there wouldn’t ruin such an important event, I sniffed. Sure it’d be different, a lot more... depressing yes. At least I kind of hope they’d be sad that I’m not there. Like if they weren’t, damn... low blow dude.
“Luna?”
Alice is probably worried sick, and Grace? What if she’s angry with me? She’s always been known to have a short temper, could she be blaming me for Alice being sad? I wouldn’t doubt it, quite frankly the two of them have a right to be angry. Hell, Christmas was just a few days away when I left!
“Luna, is everything alright?”
“Huh!” My eyes widened and looked up to see everyone was staring at me. I saw Celestia on the other far end of the table looking me in the eyes with a rather concerned look. To my left was another pink alicorn I have never seen before, she too was watching me with a worried look. Everyone else on the other hand just looked confused.
“Is something bothering you?” The pink alicorn asked me.
I looked at her and gulped, what should I say? “Uh... eh, yeah... um–I-I...” God dammit! Lee, clean yourself up! “I’m fine, why do you ask?”
This only seemed to make everyone even more confused then they already where. “Because you were just crying, that’s why.”
Crying? Was I really crying? I ran my left ankle across my cheeks and sure enough they were damp with fresh tears. My heart clenched. “Eh.... I.... ooooh....” I couldn’t think of anything to cover this up, what should I say?
“I’m crying because I can’t spend one of the happiest days of the year with my family? Not to mention they’re probably all devastated at the fact I might be dead.”
I said nothing and broke eye contact with the mare. What was I supposed to do? I could lie, which is the most likely option to do. Or, I could say nothing at all. That would just seem rather suspicious though.
“You mean, you made a fool of me remember?” I remembered Luna telling me in her room.
That’s it! I felt my heart flutter lightly. I swallowed once more and thought back to my high school acting career. “I-I’m just...” I sniffed and looked back at the pink alicorn. “A-ashamed at myself that i-is all.”
The alicorn looked at me out of sympathy and raised a hoof out to me so that she could pat my shoulder. “There, there,” She said, “We all make mistakes.”
I wiped a tear out from under my eye. “I knew Luna told me not to drink too much, but I just wanted a single taste. I wasn’t expecting it to be that strong,” I explained.
I continued with my fake/slightly real tears, despite not realizing the alicorns patting had stopped. “I... I’m sorry what?” She asked. I raised my head and looked at her puzzled face, I immediately bit my lip.
“I-I told myself to only have one drink.” I smiled sheepishly, I shot a glance over at Celestia. Thankfully her attention had broken away from me and she was now focused more on a strange curly maned, pink pony. The pink mare reached into her mane and pulled out a small pastry.
“What the...?” I mumbled.
“Oh sorry.” The Alicorn next to me laughed. “I thought I heard you say something else.’ The mare reached over and gave me a light pat, I flinched and refocused my attention onto her. “So what have you been up to, Luna?”
I frowned. How am I supposed to answer this? “I um....” Come on, Lee think. Say you went for a walk in the park! “I.. eh...” The mare tilted her head slightly and smiled. “Celestia and I... had...” A tea party? Come one man it ain’t that hard. “An argument.”
Well... at least you didn’t lie.
The alicorn’s eyes widened and she leaned in with interest. “You and Celestia had a fight?”
“Hey Cadence.” A male’s voice came from my right. I took this moment to break eye contact with her and saw a white unicorn with a blue mane and suit next to me. He was gorging himself in a large plate of mashed potatoes. He swallowed. “Can you hand me some of that gravy?”
My stomach growled and I was instantly wracked by an insatiable wave of hunger. It’s been hours since I had eaten anything, not to mention the last time I ate, I was human. I don’t even know if Luna had eaten breakfast or not.
“Sure thing, Shiney.” The mare, whose name was presumably Cadence, used her magic to levitate a small boat over to the stallion across from her. I took my attention to my own plate, before me was small dish of mashed potatoes with the smallest; most pitiful amount of gravy any man could ask for. (Then again I ain’t a man as of yet) Beside it was what looked to be a tablespoon of diced carrots and green beans, which was then all topped of with a bowl of tomato soup.
“The fuck is this–” I quickly silenced myself with a hoof over my mouth. I glanced over at Cadence who had begun to enjoy what seemed to me as a plate of fettuccine alfredo covered in tomato sauce. I was suddenly wracked with jealousy.
I swallowed some air and leaned towards Cadence. “Hey, Cadence?”
“Hmm?” She hummed and slurped her noodles quietly.
“What’s with my dinner?” I asked.
Cadence gulped her food and looked at me. “What do you mean?” She took at look at my meal. “I see nothing wrong with it.”
“No, no, I know it’s fine. But why is it so plain?”
Cadence looked at me stupidly. “I don’t know, Luna. Didn’t you order it that way?”
I sighed. This is pointless, we’re getting nowhere. “No, I didn’t. I was a minute late remember.”
“Is something wrong Luna?” This question caught me off guard.
My eyes widened with sudden fear. “Wha–no, no!” I straightened myself out, my heart had started to beat quickly. “I-I told you I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
Cadence bit the bottom of her lip. “Well,” she started, “recently I’ve heard you’ve been acting rather brash.”
I cocked an eyebrow at this. Whelp, Lee, so much for remaining in cover.
“And from what I can see... eh.” She took a deep breath. “Please don’t take a offense to this, Princess. But those rumors seem to be valid.”
My response was cut off by Celestia tapping a spoon against her glass, she called over the mass of chatting ponies. “Quiet down everyone I have important question to ask my sister.”
I turned my head away from Cadence and towards Celestia. I cleared my throat and tried to play the part of a friendly sibling. “Y-yes Celestia?”
Celestia gave me a soft smile. “Luna, have you happened to see Gun Rose on your way to the dinner? I was hoping to introduce him to Twilight and her friends.”
Thank God Luna prepared for this. “Uh, yes. Yes I have,” I replied, “he... uh, I mean I just so happened to him when I was on my way here.”
Celestia slowly nodded her head. “Do you have any idea where he maybe now? He was supposed to be here for dinner.”
I nearly bit my tongue, a bit of sweat formed above my brow. I immediately became thirsty, I didn’t think I could keep this up for long. “He was in the re-restroom, sister. He told me to go on ahead.”
Celestia pursed her lips. “Are you sure he knew his way around the castle?”
What is this some form of cross-examination?! “I dunno, Celestia ” I sighed, “You’re the one who’s been constantly watching over him.” This seemed to silence her, a few of the other ponies looked at me strangely. An awkward silence hung over the room and I lowered my gaze and noticed a small glass of water not too far away from me.
Laziness began to take over and at the same time I saw this moment to be the perfect spot to try out Luna’s magic. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the glass, suddenly I felt a wave of warmth above my forehead which was followed by crash and a startled cry that caught me by surprise. My eyes sprung open, the glass was gone!
To my left was Cadence, her mane was drenched and her eyes were wide in shock. “C-cadence!” The stallion next to me shot up from his chair as he began to levitate stacks of napkins towards her.
“Oh my god!” I too rose from my seat. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t paying attention–!”
“Luna!” Celestia nearly shouted, I flinched, she sounded very angry.
“What is the matter with you?” Celestia asked sternly.
“I-I... please, Celestia I can–”
“Outside now!” She demanded and my tail went straight between my legs like a dog. With ears folded down on their sides, I slowly nodded and went for the door. Way to go, Lee. Now how am I going to meet up with Luna?
:[-]:
“Luna... for Mother’s sake what has gotten into you recently?” Celestia asked when the dining room door closed behind us. She looked to the two guards by the door and motioned for them to go on break. “First you and Lee get into a fight–” My ears perked at the sound of this, how did she hear about that? “–you went and gotten intoxicated during court, and now this!” She motioned a hoof towards the door. “What’s wrong?”
I bit my bottom lip. Okay, Lee. Don’t fuck this up. “I... I haven’t been having a good day, Tia.”
She looked at me as if she hadn’t already noticed. “Really now?” I could literally feel the sarcasm in her tone. However, I didn’t let this bother me.
“I’ve been under....” You’ve been under what? “A lot of stress since our... our previous argument.”
Celestia groaned loudly and turned away from me briefly. “Luna, please.” She faced me again. “Don’t bring that up around here, who knows who’ll be walking by and might catch this.”
If I knew I wouldn’t have gotten caught. I would have been smiling just then. Nice thinking, Lee. Instead, I left it on the inside. Lets see if we can get some subtle information now. “No, Celestia I’m being serious. What... eh–” My thoughts quickly flashed back to the dream and I quickly ran through it. “–saw down there... was not right.”
Celestia snorted. “Luna, I told you I was sorry.”
I decided to hop on that statement, even though I had no idea what I was talking about. “If you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done it.” For some reason this seemed to strike a blow into her demeanor and her features faltered.
She didn’t reply. Matter of fact, she changed the subject. “Luna, have you told Lee anything recently?”
This caught me off guard. “Eh, what do you mean?”
“I mean, have you said anything relating to... you know.” I had no idea what she was hinting at, however, I chose to play along.
“N-no, I haven’t.” I shook my head. “Why do you ask?”
Celestia took a deep breath. “Nearly all day I haven’t seen him. Aside from his bedroom, even then he didn’t really say anything to me.” What did you expect me to give you a hug and a big ol kiss when I saw you? “It’s almost as if he’s been avoiding me.” I guess you could say that, but no, not intentionally. “But it’s not just that.”
I raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“Earlier today when I was down in my study. I noticed that my book for the portal had vanished.”
“My book for the portal.”
“For the portal.”
“Portal.” Immediately my curiosity took a hold of me. I wanted to swarm Celestia with questions about said portal, yet I tried my best to refrain from doing so. If Celestia is talking to me so casually about this, it clearly means that Luna herself already knows about this. Which also adds more to the fact that Celestia isn’t the only one keeping secrets about this. I’ll just have to question Luna later about this.
“What do you mean it vanished?” I asked while trying to sound calm as best I could.
“That’s just it, the spell book is gone.” I gulped, I had a feeling that I knew what book she was talking about. It must’ve been the book Luna said she could use to cure the two of us.
“Well, sister, I don’t think books just wind up missing.” A trickle of sweat began to make its way down my forehead.
Unfortunately, Celestia raised an eyebrow at this. “Are you certain you didn’t tell, Lee anything Luna? Because if you did, things will not end well for the both of us. If he takes that book to where I think he is he’ll learn that he can–”
“Hey, Luna!” I heard an overly familiar voice shout.
“Well speaking of Tartarus, there he is.” Celestia turned around to see Luna making her way down the hallway. She was wearing my old dress pants and the torn Lions jacket I left behind along with the watch Alice gave me.
I raised an eyebrow at the sight of the watch, I can’t believe she actually found it, I thought.
“How are you?” Luna asked, she sounded overly happy. I could tell just by the way she looked, she was overreacting.
“I’m doing fine.” I smiled and looked at Celestia.
She too smiled. “And so am I, Lee.” She coughed into her hoof. “If you don’t mind me asking, Lee. Where have you been?”
“Well, funny a tale as it is.” I raised an eyebrow towards her and replayed what she had said in my mind. That is nowhere close as to how I speak. “I had gotten lost.”
Celestia pursed her lips. “Really now?”
“Mhmm.” She nodded her head.
We’re fucked, is all I thought, we are absolutely fucked.
Luna looked at me. “Princess, can I speak with you for a few minutes.” Luna turned her attention towards Celestia. “Privately,” She said sternly.
Celestia looked at me as if she needed some form of confirmation. “S-sure, I don’t see that being much of an issue. What do you need?” Celestia sighed and closed her eyes. She then nodded and motioned for me to continue on without her.
Celestia opened the dining room door and went in, leaving the two of us alone. The second the door clicked shut, Luna broke character and said to me in a hushed voice, “The spell is ready. The faster you come with me the sooner we can get this done and continue on with our very lives!”
I snorted. “I’m perfectly fine with that and after you fix this. That won’t mean you’re going to get off scot free with those answers.” I reminded her.
Luna shot a wave of hot air out of her nostrils. “Don’t you go thinking I’ve forgotten, Lee.”
I frowned. “Trust me, I won’t.”
:[-]:
The path to wherever Luna had prepared the spell was somewhere I’ve never quite ventured down. Quite literally too. She led us down various stairwells that seemed to venture further down into the castle, every hallway we entered continued on with many twists and turns. The further we went, the walls around us changed. What was once a rather pristine white, became a crude and hideous grey. Even the white and red lights produced by the gas powered chandeliers and torches were replaced by another set of torches lit by nothing but a blue flame.
“Okay, why the fuck does every castle need a haunted basement?” My question echoed down the eerie hall.
Luna plucked one of the blue torches off of the wall and took lead. “These once great halls were once the castle’s interior before my sister and I expanded outwards. Now, they’re nothing but empty rooms or storage compartments.”
I breathed in heavily and felt a cloud of dust enter my nostrils. My sinuses flared and I released an obnoxious sneeze. “Jesus, I bet you guys don’t even clean this place either.”
“No not really.” Luna looked over her shoulder. “We’re not far.”
We stopped outside an old archway door that extended upwards by at least ten feet. “Jesus, what do you got in there?”
Luna smiled. “My old bedroom.” She reached out and pushed the old door open, a loud creepy creak echoed out from it. Luna stepped inside, leaving me in the darkness.
I gulped and followed her in. “So why couldn’t we do this in your current room?” I asked, my hooves clopping eerily on the stone floor.
“Well, I considered doing so. But then realized we’d easily be caught, not to mention that chalk on carpet doesn’t really work well.” Luna mounted the torch on the wall on the other end of the room and looked over at me.
“Chalk? I don’t see any... oh.” I stopped and casted my gaze onto the floor, my eyes widened and I chuckled nervously. Right below me I found myself standing in the middle of what looked like a satanic worshiping circle. “What... the... fuck?”
“Do not worry, Lee, this is just the starting of the spell.” Luna walked over to an old bed and bent down, and reached under it. She then pulled out an old dusty looking book.
“Really? This looks more like the start to summoning Cthulhu.” I raised one of my hooves so that it was out of the way of one of the devilish marking. I didn’t even know where to begin when it came describing what these marks looked like. I looked back over at Luna and saw her flicking through page after page, trying to find where the spell took place. I was about to make my way over to her but the second I lifted a hoof towards her she glared at me.
“Do not move a muscle, Lee, I need you right there.” She looked back down at the book. “Now where was I–ahha!” Her finger slammed down on a specific passage halfway down the page. “I found it, Lee! Now again, sit still while I begin the ritual.”
I gulped. “I really don’t like where this is going. Are you sure you know what–”
“Of course I do! Now shut up.” Luna stood up with the book resting on her left forearm, she made her way towards me. “Alha Movikeen!”
My eyes widened in horror. “Wait what are you saying? That isn’t English!”
“Dosevaheen no-kada!” Suddenly a bright flash of light outlined the ritual circle and I was forced to shield my eyes. I whimpered out of fear when I began to feel a strange tingling sensation engulf my entire body. A similar sensation that reminded me of when I first tried out one of those vibrating chairs at my local furniture store. However, the chair made me feel comfortable, this did not.
The light continued to grow brighter and Luna’s satanic chanting grew louder. I could feel my legs beginning to quiver, and any second now I thought I was going to piss myself. The tingling started to spread throughout the rest of my body and I could feel my coat hairs beginning to stand on end. The light’s rays had soon gotten to the point in which I could no longer see outside of the circle, Luna had completely vanished from my sight yet I could still hear her voice. I wanted to bolt out of there but sadly I knew it was too late, if I opt out now who knows what the spell would–
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning came down from out of nowhere and struck me, my vision completely obscured and an intense heat engulfed my body. I wanted to cry out but my voice wouldn’t come to me, I tried to run but I couldn’t feel my body. Instead I felt weightless, like my body has been plucked off the ground and levitated through the air. Almost like those dreams you have of falling. Yes. I felt like I was falling, but I couldn’t tell which way? All I could see was this bright blue void, was I falling down? Up? Sideways? Fuck I dunno.
I couldn’t speak or so I thought I couldn’t. There was no more sound, Luna’s voice was gone, and so was my pathetic whimpering. Whatever that voodoo shit was it may have just killed me. Was this death? Did Luna kill me? If so is this really the afterlife? Or am I just in some sort of purgatory or limbo? If that’s the case, death is really boring.
As I drifted through the blue void, I started to notice a light off in the distance. I couldn’t judge the distance on whether it was close or not, though it was starting to become bigger. God is that you? This white light I could see started to engulf the blue void and through this light I could start to hear what sounded like Luna’s chanting. Could she have resuscitated me?
The light began to speed towards me at subsonic speeds and before I knew it the world was dark.
:[-]:
My gut lurched back and all the wind in my lungs was forced out of me. I crumpled to the floor gasping for breath, I brought a hand to my chest and clutched the newly bruised skin above my heart. I wheezed and coughed trying my best to catch my breath. I opened my eyes I looked around at my surroundings. I was back in Luna’s old bedroom, the blue torch light was dim and I could smell a tinge of sulphur in the air.
I blinked and gazed down at myself. “Oh my God–holy shit my voice!” I gently cupped my throat. “My voice is back!” My felt the deep bass of my voice through my vocal cords. “My beautiful voice is back!” I gazed down at my body. “I’m back to my beautiful self! And so is my willy!” I laughed with joy as I attempted to pull myself back onto my feet. I used the old bed in the room as support and clambered back up, I gazed over at the now faded satanic circle. “How long was I out for?” I looked at the center of the circle and saw a dark lump lying in the center of it. “Luna?” I called out to the lump. “Is that you?”
I heard a groan. “O-of course it’s me.” Luna clambered back onto her hooves each joint in her legs popping as she straightened herself out. She then unfolded her massive wings and stretched them outwards popping each and every joint. “Oh dear me, doesn’t it just feel great to be back in your regular body?”
I snorted and rolled both my shoulders. “Sure does.”
Luna looked at me and smiled before taking her first step towards me. She stumbled at first due to having four legs again but brushed it off with a chuckle. She walked towards me and stopped a foot away. I looked up at her and was again surprised at how short I actually was, she was at least half a head taller than me!
“Well, Lee, I guess I should thank you for your cooperation. However, I must let you know that it is time we part ways–”
“Wait a second there, Luna.” I raised a hand to cut her off. “You and I have a long way before we depart.”
“Now whatever do you mean?”
“I have some questions I want answered.”
Luna rolled her eyes and buzzed her lips. “Lee, now is not the time.” She turned away from me, which only seemed to piss me off.
“The fuck you don’t!” Luna started to make her way towards the door but I forced my way passed her and blocked off the exit. I jammed a finger at her. “Just earlier, what the fuck were you talking about when you said, ‘Celestia dropped everything just to watch over you!’.”
Luna gave me a blank stare. “Lee, we can talk about this later. Right now I have a play I must attend to, now please. Step out the way.”
“I ain’t moving a muscle until you answer my question,” I snarled.
“I’ll say this once.”
“And so will I.”
“Step aside”
“Answer me first.”
Luna sighed and shook her head. “I do not have time for this,” She said as her horn suddenly came to life with a blue aura.
“You better not use that fucking shit on me again!”
Luna smirked. “I don’t plan to.” A brief light flashed before my eyes and next thing I knew she was gone.
“What the–what?!” I gazed around the room, she was nowhere to be seen. I turned around and stepped out into the dimly lit hallway, she wasn’t there either. “GOD. FUCKING. DAMMIT!” I roared and punched the nearest stone wall. Instantly, I regretted it as a pulsing pain shot up my arm. I brought my hand back and cupped a couple of my knuckles in my mouth and bit down to stop myself from screaming. “Gah! Fuck!” I groaned into my fist a few tears welled up around the corners of my eyes.
A few seconds past and the pain decreased into nothing but an annoying ache. I popped my fist out of my mouth and left my hand at my side. I glanced around the dim, creepy hallway. From left to right I could see nothing but the faint blue light coming from the torches. “Ah shit.” I set forth down the right side of the hall. “I’m fucking lost,” I mumbled as I ripped the nearest blue torch off the wall and journied onward in my quest for the truth.
