The Lunaverse.MOV

by Listie The Scribe Maid

Rainkiller.MOV

THE LUNAVERSE.MOV
Written by the Luna 6 (with help from That Gamer!)
Directed by Cherilee
Camera operated by Cherilee
No.3: Rainkiller.MOV

"...And that be-eth when Shelf Gore demanded that we make dreams make-eth sense," Luna continued. "Of course, we doth told-eth him that dreams don't need to make sense, but he then started threatening not to have us pass moderation and ban us for 24 hours and that be-eth when my guards dragged him away. We think he still be-eth going."

"Wow... That's weird," Nyx commented, playing with some dice.

"No, it apparently be-eth nonsense," Luna grumbled. "...Say, where be-eth Gamer Luna?"

"She didn't wanna play anymore board games with me," Nyx sighed. "But I guess that's just the problem with a hardcore gamer... As she puts it..."

"We might do-eth something with you," Luna offered.

"Really?!"

"Yes... But right after thou watch-eth the next part of The Lunaverse.MOV." And before Nyx got a chance to complain, Luna pushed the button.

--TL.M--

"...I've never directed before!" Cherilee admitted with a laugh from behind the camera.

"So then why did Trixie put you in charge?" Colgate asked from off-screen.

"Because I'm not in this part," Cherilee explained, "and you are. It's a very simple thing."

"But doesn't this part involve Pinkie?" Colgate pointed out. "That's supposed to be you. And if it's supposed to be you, then why is Bonbon here?"

"Hey."

"She's a body double, OK, now let's get this rolling, girls!" Cherilee exclaimed, hitting the record button. Now, in any normal case this would've started recording, but since the camera already was on...

"Again, girls, I've never directed..." Cherilee said while chuckling to herself.

"Everypony show a raise of hooves," Bonbon said to Colgate and Derpy, who was there, too, "who wants to replace her with me?... Only me? Well, buck."

"Anywho, let's get on with this!" Cherilee told the three in a singsong voice.

With a few mumbles of agreement, Derpy came out from the left, Colgate and Bonbon sitting on her back, babbling about nothing.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, cut!" Cherilee shouted. "This isn't that good, I'm.... I'm not feeling any emotion."

"Emotion?" Colgate repeated in disbelief. "We're babbling about nothing!"

"But it's not realistic enough," Cherilee explained. "I don't feel like you're really going on about nothing."

"Oh for buck's sake..." Colgate grumbled, facehoofing.

"Really, I think it's the style," Cherilee went on. "The whole thing is too dark."

"That's the point!" Colgate shouted. "I've been here for only nine minutes and already you're bucking p!$$!ng me off!"

"There's no need for that language, Colgate, I'm just trying to put all this together," Cherilee snapped.

"Like putting together two pieces for two different puzzles," Bonbon added in a deadpan manner.

Cherilee ignored that remark and thought for a few minutes about what to do next. "OK, I have an idea," she said after a while. "I want you to do it like a Broadway musical!"

"Um... WHY?!"

"Like I said! Emotion!" Cherilee answered. "Now do it!"

Reluctantly, Derpy trotted back off to the right with Colgate and Bonbon on her back. A few seconds, Derpy came out in a more theatrical way, Colgate doing an aria while Bonbon kept the beat.

"Yes, yes, I can feel it!" Cherilee exclaimed, the camera shaking from excitement.

"I just wanna point out, Jappleack would not have let this happen," Bonbon muttered to Colgate.

"Just let her do what she wants," Colgate whispered back. "What does this matter to me? I'm only appearing in, what, three parts of this?"

"Hey, I'm just a body double or whatever," Bonbon retorted. "So you be quiet."

"I can't, I'm doing a solo."

"We don't have to do this! Like you have to be so flank numbingly slow, Derpy!"

"But I'm in the middle of my routine!" Derpy whined. "I think. I didn't have a lot of time to rehearse."

"YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY TIME!"

"OK, cut, cut!" Cherilee exclaimed. "You three going on about too much stuff! So let's just go ahead to where you three are at the shed, OK?"

Bonbon and Colgate mumbled some stuff and Derpy let out one big "OK!", getting out of her flow going over to the shed, Cherilee following, but shaking the camera too much for it to matter.

"OK, here's what I want you to do," Cherilee started. "You three are going to look at the shed and Bonbon, you're gonna be all like-"

"I want you to call me by my real name," Bonbon cut in.

"Bonbon isn't your real name?" Derpy asked.

"My real name is Sweety Drops," Bonbon answered, "and I want you to refer to me as such."

"Your name is not Sweety Drops," Colgate said.

"Shut up, Minuette," Bonbon snapped.

Cherilee blinked and continued with her instructions, saying, "OK... Sweety Drops... You guys have to just look at the shed, say it's Raindrops and wonder aloud if she's ever mentioned not going in it."

"I guess we can do that," Sweety said. She turned to her fellow actors after looking at the shed and said in a kind of deadpan manner, "Hey, look, it's Raindrops's shed. Hasn't she mentioned at one point or another?"

"I dunno," Colgate answered with a shrug. "Let's have some flashbacks."

One rough cut later (cutting away from Cherilee yelling at them for their line delivery) and Derpy, Cherilee and Trixie were playing Spin-The-Bottle, Raindrops sitting off in the corner.

"Hey, Raindrops wanna join us?" Derpy called over to her clone.

"Oh, you guys..." was Raindrop's reply. "...By the way, why are you playing Spin-The-Bottle?"

"Because I'm gay," Derpy replied. "Rainbow Dash is gay, so that makes me gay. Because rainbows mean gay. Get it? I'm gay. Very gay. Big gay. Everypony over here supports Derpy Top or Carrot Hooves or Ditzy Harvest or Golden Do or Golden Hooves or whatever. Point is, Rainbow Dash is gay, so, by extent, I'm gay because I'm Rainbow's Lunaverse counterpart and I need to know who to buck, when to buck and where to buck. 'Cause I'm gay."

"So I-"

"Gay."

"Ahem. So I guess I-

“You know what 'swag' means?”

“What?”

“Secretly, We Are Gay.”

“...So I guess I can't play then, huh?"

"Not unless you want to kiss Cherilee," Trixie said. She looked over at passed-out the teacher. "Trixie wants to know... What happened to you?"

"I have no idea..." Cherilee muttered.

"You forgot the script, didn't you?" Trixie inquired.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"That's good, because Trixie did, too."

Another rough cut and Derpy and Cherilee were going bipedal, kicking something just below the camera.

"I feel bad for doing this, but, at the same time, I kinda like it," Cherilee, laughing, told Derpy.

"I know!" Derpy agreed. "It feels so good to get all this emotion out!... Though I do feel kind of bad."

"Yeah! How's that for an entrance?" Cherilee demanded what they were kicking.

Raindrops came in from the left then. "Hey, guys. Wot's... Uh, the deal?"

"We're kicking this flour bag in preparation for you arriving," Derpy explained. "Wanna join us?"

"Eh, why not?" It took Raindrops a couple seconds, but she got on both her back hooves and, too, had a go at it. "I realize the irony in what I'm doing, but it's not like I give a damn."

"Amen!"

Yet another rough cut and, suddenly, the scene changes to the Fall Formal at the still nameless school Twilight went to that one time. Speaking of which, Twilight was crossing her fingers in hope, 'cause this was it. The deciding moment. The point that decided whether or not Twilight would be named princess of the Fall Formal, since apparently "Queen" was far too evil for princessipal Celestia.

Now, if Twilight was named Princess, she'd get the good ending. If not, then Sunset would win and evily evil things would happen that were evil. 'Cause she's the villain.

"OK, everybody... Everypony, it's kind of hard to tell," whoever was in charge said to the attendants from the stage, "it's time to announce this year's princess of the Fall Formal! Now I know how exciting this is, so let's take a moment to let it all be absorbed... Got it? Good! If someone would please hand me the letter..."

Twilight almost forgot to breathe for a moment when whoever was in charge got handed the letter and took his sweet time opening it.

"So this year's... Princess of the... Fall Formal..." whoever's in charge grunted, trying to open the letter (his hands were too sweaty).

Twilight's heart was in her throat.

"Is... Urghm..."

Twilight was sweating bullets.

"Urgh... It is..."

Sunset Shimmer rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"This lovely crown goes to... Hghiedr!"

Flash was too stupid to realize what was going on.

"...Finally! The winner is..."

Dead silence.

"Wait, the letter needs to be unfolded- Ah, there. The winner is... Raindrops?"

"Human say what?!"

Whoever was in charge was suddenly shoved as Raindrops rushed on stage, tears in her eyes. "Thank you!" she shouted to a confused Formal. "Thank you! Thank you all for finally fulfilling me one goal in life! Thank you all! Thank the academy!... No, on second though, @&*# the academy! Th-" Suddenly, a huge bucket of blood was dumped on her.

"I've been saving it up for months and it went to waste on such a schmuck," Sunset grumbled, crossing her arms.

"...Cherry Kool-Aid!" Raindrops exclaimed, tasting the blood. "It's a little warm, but you all care!... A-and I've always wanted to do this! C'mon, sing with me: When I was wandering in the desert and searching for the truth...!"

"Hey, I know we're supposed to be enemies and all," Sunset said, going over to a very awestruck Twilight, "but... Do you wanna go up there and kick her ass?"

"What? No! She won fairly!... For no reason, but still fairly!" Twilight argued.

"I'll let you have the crown," Sunset offered, sighing.

"Just wait a second, let me figure out how I'm supposed to hurt her," Twilight said, looking at her hand.

"That's OK, it took me a while, too," Sunset told Twilight. "Look, I'm just going to go up there and get started. You can have your friends if you want..."

"...She didn't mention a shed in any of those," Sweety pointed out.

"And the third one went on too long," Colgate added. "And how did we even see those? Aren't they gonna be shot after this?"

All of a sudden, Raindrops came out of the shed, yawning. "Hey, guys. Wot's... Uh, the deal?"

"First of all, you already said that," Sweety pointed out, making Raindrops blink in confusion. "Second, what are doing in your shed? You're not supposed to come in until near the end, where you kill Derpy."

"I'm going to die?!" Derpy suddenly got very scared.

"Well, no, not really, it's all an act," Colgate explained.

"But I don't wanna die - fictionally or real lifeically!" Derpy argued.

"Then you should have quit," Sweety told Derpy. "Anyways, Raindrops, what are you doing in your shed? And, Cherilee, shouldn't you have told her that we were recording?"

"Well, I coudln't find her," Cherilee answered. "But here she is now! So, Raindrops, we're recording now."

Sweety face-hoofed very hard whilst Raindrops said, "W... *yawn* Working on the set inside. Spent all night on it and, even then, it's not ready yet. Come back tomorrow or something. On second though, next month. Next year. I'll be ready then... Maybe. I'm not sure."

"We can't wait until next year," Cherilee informed the recolor. "We have to shoot now! So if you could move over there while I go inside so I can get a better shot."

"No, really, don't go in!" Raindrops shouted, getting shoved out of the way with MAGICK by Colgate.

Of course, Cherilee went inside the shed, only to find out it was just a front - there was no inside, which means no floor, walls or ceiling. Just a box sitting to the left.

"Raindrops... The buck is this?"

"I told you it wasn't ready!" Raindrops shouted. "Besides, I'm keeping all of my porn in there!... Wait, none of you heard that!"

Alas, it was too late. Setting the camera down on a really tall rock so that it was still recording her, Cherilee reached inside the box and came out with an issue of Hoof Beat.

"Anthro porn... Really?" Cherilee deadpanned, leaning over so she could give Raindrops an impressed look. "Who the buck gets turned on by this?"

*poomf*

"Shut up, Derpy," Cherilee muttered. Unfortunately, she failed to notice that, because of the way Colgate and Sweety were sitting on Derpy, her sudden wingboner sent the two flying off into the distance. "Also, you know having this stuff is illegal."

"It is?!" Raindrops gasped. "Oh, I-I didn't know! I feel so embarrassed now...!"

"Well now you know," Cherilee said simply. "But in any case, I have to report you to the police or whatever it is we have."

"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Oh yes I can," Cherilee replied. "Ain't that right, Derpy?... Derpy?"

Sure enough, Derpy had dissapeared and, when Cherilee looked back at Raindrops, she was no longer there.

"Um... Where the buck is everypony?" Cherilee yelled, looking around. "...So I guess we're done here. Fine. W-we'll regroup tomorrow and try this again... I gu-"

--TL.M--

"Thou doth know-eth how Discord is shown destroying PonyVille.MOV at-eth the beginning of Shed.MOV?" Luna asked Nyx.

"I dunno... Haven't really seen it," Nyx mumbled.

"Well, scenes related to his were supposed to be-eth shot," Luna admitted, "but they did not realize-eth this until the episode focusing on Trixie. And even-eth then, they had-eth to prostitute themselves to get up enough money for something even resembling Discord... Eth. Also, some $#!t doth happens that affects Tcarrot Op/Hgolden Arvest's blog, but that does not matter at this interval."

"Oh... Wait, they had to sell themselves?"

"Uh... Anyways," Luna said quickly, dancing around the topic about as good as I dance, "Raindrops did do-eth a few things in between parts. For instance, she gave-eth birth to Rainflakes and Snowdrops."

"Those two fillies from that film?" Nyx asked, to which Luna nodded. "I know them! They're both really nice."

"Yes, but Snowflakes isn't," Luna told Nyx.

"Snowflakes? What does he have to do with them?"

"Date rape."

"Oh."

"Yes, it be-eth kind of dark," Luna agreed. "However, that be-eth the nature of life - random and sometimes unforgiving. Like dreams. They are supposed to be random, not that Shelf Gore could-eth understand that...!"

"Aw, jeez, here she goes again..."

"We just mean... DAMN IT!"

Author's Note:

To explain why Bonbon is referred to as "Sweety Drops" half-way through the story, let me refer you to a little book called The Elements Of Harmony. Also, the day this was uploaded, some of relatives were here and, apparently, my mom wants me to spend every waking moment with them, so I had to finish this up quickly. But, in all honesty, the best, in my opinion, is the Equestria Girls parody, which doesn't even really follow the scene in Shed.MOV. But whatever.

And if you want, here is the link to a special story entitled '! It's already been getting rave reviews, such as these:

"This is plotless nonsense which even borrows a lot of direct lyrics from the (copyrighted) song[, which makes it a lot better then most stories nowadays.]"
-Paschendale

"This is hardly a [bad] story. The dialogue is nonsensical and filled with meta references."
-Shelf Gore