Excuse me, my dear sir. Would you mind if you sent me a copy of said picture?

This story...

24.media.tumblr.com/ea30c681ea36509eae36cdf05bf8490b/tumblr_ml9vykmc6s1s2km5ao1_250.gif
Nope. Just nope.

It needs to be completely redone before it would be readable. There are way too many errors for me to even list them all. And that's just grammar.

I laughed every time I read the word rapped. It just makes me envision Celestia in some crazy wigger outfit getting ready to rap battle. Other than that, yeah. This story is pretty bad, entirely rushed as if you were trying to finish it before your stop on the bus got off. Try again with more slow, deliberate thought put into it and I'm sure you'll do fine. Also, use a spellchecker.