A/N: Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on the last chapter. Your comments really have helped me and my mood these past few trying days, so I am infinitely grateful. I hope you will continue to enjoy, and that I may hear from you and others in the comment section below.
Disclaimer: This chapter is based partially off of Rainbow Falls. It contains pieces of the canon, but just as this story is not 100% following canon neither is this. I had a chapter dedicated to Scootaloo meeting Spitfire before I heard word of how the Wonderbolts might be in Rainbow Falls, so I held off on publishing it. Now it is scrapped and replaced by this, because I felt the other chapter was way too unfitting given the recent episode. Don’t compare this to the episode in terms of small bits like when or what, because I will be fully rewriting the episode and publishing it here. This is just the pieces outside of it that pertain to this series.
Please enjoy, and let a tired college student know what you think in the comments!
Scootaloo had walked into the hospital with a lowered head, her eyes focused on the floor as she guiltily approached her destination. After all, in a perfect world she would have come much earlier but by the time she had heard the news it was much after the fact.
Soarin had been hurt while practicing for the Equestria Games, Rainbow had told her when picking Scootaloo up from her weeklong stay in Canterlot. That, and his team had ditched him at the drop of a hat because of it.
That’d be just a normal level of rude and insulting if they had not then asked Rainbow Dash to take his place.
From what Scootaloo could tell, while she was away her mom had been stressing over this quite greatly. She could join the better team, replace Soarin, and let down her home team and friends in order to get a better chance at winning the Equestria Games. Or she could stay with her original, flight impaired team and not have much of a chance while letting down Spitfire and Fleetfoot who too were trying to get through the tryouts.
As Rainbow tried to handle that mess, Scootaloo decided to check on Soarin. It was about time for the tryouts and he still wasn’t home, so she was worried he wouldn’t be able to compete even if he had recovered enough to fly.
“How are you?” she asked as she entered his room, closing the door behind her and peeking around the room to check if there were any other occupants. Nopony else was in the room other than Soarin, who sat on his bed with a frown on his face.
Scootaloo couldn’t blame him. She had to push her friends to get them to ditch her, whereas his own supposed friends didn’t take a moment to breathe to get rid of him.
Soarin quickly hid his disparaged expression and suppressed whatever feelings he had been mulling over at the sounds of her voice, “Not actually too hurt, to be honest. I can leave as soon as they finish the paperwork.”
His words relieved Scootaloo’s worries, “That’s good,” she bit her lip as she thought back to why she was so bashful on her way there, “I’m sorry I didn’t get to come sooner.”
He wasn’t about to let her feel guilty over something that was not her fault. After all, she had come to see him after all. Unlike his team, “It’s fine. Not everyday you get asked a favor by the Princess of the Night. You must have left a good impression on her in your dreams.”
Scootaloo chuckled nervously, not able to eat praise up like Rainbow could, “Hehe, I guess,” she quickly went back to biting her lip as she thought about her mom, “She’s really torn about all this.”
The mention of how Rainbow was feeling irked Soarin. Rainbow might act tough, but she caved under pressure pretty easily the moment her tough facade was cracked. This situation would most certainly do just that, and she had even discussed not participating at all if it meant she could get out of letting somepony down.
“Has she talked to you?”
“Yeah…” Scootaloo found her empathy for Rainbow Dash morph into anger at the reasons behind it and Soarin’s current grief, “How can they just do that to you? Aren’t you guys a team? Haven’t you been together for years?”
The forlorn Soarin shook his head as he tried to turn the event into a lesson for the young Scootaloo, lest she ever be in a similar place, “It’s what happens when you care too much about winning and not enough about the friends who helped get you there. Some ponies are just that way.”
Scootaloo stomped her front hooves on the ground, “But that’s wrong!” she took a moment to calm herself down before sitting down on the floor, distraught that two of her mother’s own idols had turned out to be so rotten, “You and mom would never do that to anypony.”
Soarin rose from the bed and trotted over to Scootaloo, placing a hoof gently on her shoulder while forcing a smile upon his face.
“Don’t worry about it Scootaloo. How about we go see how Rainbow does at the tryouts?”
In a delightful turn of events for Soarin, Rainbow Dash had been chewing out their boss Spitfire and his teammate Fleetfoot for their actions. His being there only helped her play the guilt card on them, and soon enough they accepted him back on their team. A whole crowd of ponies nearby, Soarin accepted the invitation despite his personal reservations. He didn’t want a bigger and more reputation damaging scene to be made.
And he was a Wonderbolt after all, and the same pride that made him angry at his team also made him want to compete. Rainbow gladly took her original position on her hometeam and with her help they managed to qualify for the Games. With Soarin on their side, the trio of Wonderbolts passed with flying colors.
It turned out that they could be the best flying team without having to sacrifice one of their own for another. Odd that they had to learn this given that they were all three of the very best of Equestria’s top fliers. Soarin quickly departed without a farewell after the event, staying only long enough to meet up with Rainbow Dash. Spitfire had apologized to the two of them, and he supposed that was good enough for then, but he had no desire to hang around two ponies he had once considered friends.
Upon reaching their now shared home, Rainbow was the first to speak. Their flight home had been silent, Rainbow not knowing how to take the fake smile plastered on Soarin’s face. By the time they landed she thought she had it worked out.
“You okay?”
Soarin laughed and kept the smile on, straining his face as he exaggerated the expression, “Hahaha, I look okay, don’t I?”
Rainbow embraced Soarin and buried her face in his fur, “You put on a good act.”
He sighed as the fake smile drained from his face. He had put it on ever since Spitfire’s pathetic apology and attempt to douse the bridge she had burned, “Gotta save face...the Wonderbolts don’t need to lose any more of that now after today.”
Her head lifted as she looked Soarin in the eye seriously, “Hey, what happened with them wasn’t your fault.”
His eyes fell to the side, her direct eye contact making him feel nervous, “I know, but I’ve been thinking…” he took in a breath before shaking his head, “You know what? Never mind. Another time.”
Rainbow used a hoof to pull his face in to a kiss. Soarin let her and returned it, the physical pleasure being short because of their shared tension.
As Rainbow drew back she spoke, “If you need somepony, I’m always here for you. Now and forever. You got that?”
“I love you Dashie,” Soarin laughed, attempting to engage in another kiss with the hope that it would lift his mood a little. Rainbow halted him with a hoof to the mouth, her face turned in a weak smile.
“And I want you to know that, if I had to choose between the Wonderbolts and you, I’d choose you every time.”
Soarin lowered his head and sighed at the thought, “You know, I wouldn’t have blamed you too much if you did take my spot. It’d have been their fault, and you only have everything to gain by competing with a great team at the Equestria Games.”
Rainbow tilted his head up and gave him a quick peck on the muzzle, “I would rather have a team with you.”
That was something he hadn’t thought about, but the notion brought forth many ideas in Soarin’s mind ranging from sweet to glorious payback, “You know, since I’m technically living in Ponyville with you anyways, why don’t I join up with you guys?”
That made her eyes light up, “I’d have to ask the others. Wouldn’t want to pull a Spitfire.”
He appreciated the intense loyalty she held towards others, and could not help but feel his mood raise as he thought about what a great mare he was with. The world’s best flier, a hero, and a good pony to boot. She was destined for so many great things in all the life she had before her, “You’re right. You’re such a good pony, Rainbow.”
She rolled her eyes and snorted, “Pfft, as if I didn’t know.”
That too rose his mood, as another fact about Rainbow Dash was that she was quite blunt about just anything even when it would suit her to be otherwise, “Honest, if not modest.”
She gave him a coy smile for his remark, “Letting the next pie burn.”
“No! Not the pie!”
After a moment of laughing, a thought crossed Rainbow’s mind and she quickly began looking around.
“Hey, where’s Scootaloo?”
In their shared spite at Spitfire they had forgotten something quite important.
Spitfire had stayed behind at the grounds for the tryouts with the intention of finding Soarin to apologize again. Her earlier one had been a little weak, and she did not want him wavering in his desire to win the Equestria Games. She needed him at his best if they were to win, and hurt feelings couldn’t get in the way.
The crowd had petered out pretty quickly after the big names had left, save the fans staying to get autographs from Fleetfoot and her. Those too quickly left after Spitfire issued them the premade autographs she spent many an academy day preparing.
It was after these left that she got the chance to search for Soarin, alone because Fleetfoot scoffed at the notion of apologizing and left, but no sight of him was to be found. This, however, gave somepony else the chance to find whom they were looking for.
The yellow pegasi noticed an orange filly approach her after nopony was left in the area. Another fan she presumed, so she reached for another of her signed autographs.
“Hey kid. Want an autograph?”
Spitfire stopped reaching for the autograph the moment she could see the intensity of the child. Their eyes were narrowed slits and their face was impassive, these things catching the captain off guard.
The child scoffed as she defiantly stood in front of Spitfire, her hoof stomping on a fallen autograph, “Why would I?”
The captain’s response came out more like a question than the statement it had been intended to be, “Because I’m a Wonderbolt?”
Spitfire’s visitor snorted, “Would have surprised me if I didn’t already know, what with how-”
Another voice chimed in from side, belonging to a white unicorn filly who had just apparated out of nowhere Spitfire would swear alongside a pale yellow earth pony, “Scootaloo, shouldn’t we be going?”
The name that belonged to the orange pegasi before Spitfire caught her ear, and she could not help but feel she had heard it before, “That name’s familiar. Have we met, kid?”
Scootaloo shook her head at the mare who had lost her respect, “No. I’ve watched the Wonderbolts practice before, but I’ve never met you Captain Spitfire,” she stated her title with a scathing tone. Scootaloo had looked up to the Wonderbolts because they were the ones her own idol idolized, so finding out that their captain was some jerk really destroyed her feelings about them.
Spitfire could not help but feel like she was being insulted, but she responded to what was said, “Watched us practice? Isn’t where we practice a little dangerous for a little filly like yourself? Don’t your parents-”
“They’re the ones who brought me,” Scootaloo cut her off, “Soarin’s fine, by the way. Not that you visited him like any good teammate would.”
The sudden mention of Soarin baffled Spitfire, but she wasn’t about to let the filly lecture her on that front, “I was busy, I couldn’t just go out of my way to check on him after he got himself injured right before the event.”
Scootaloo snorted angrily and kept the intensity of her glare at Spitfire at a level where it would incinerate the fiery mare should looks be able to kill, “So you lie about how hurt he is to try and replace him with Rainbow Dash, who so happens to be younger and faster.”
Spitfire had had enough of this, and did not want to let some disgruntled kid ruin an already bad day, “Well, yeah, but I’ve already apologized about that. Look, kid, I’ve got things to do. Seeya later.”
Spitfire’s wings had just flapped enough to bring her five feet in the air before Scootaloo’s voice halted her.
“You just wait until mom realizes she’s better than you!”
The statement made the captain want to laugh, “And who’d that be? Because last time I checked, there aren’t that many ponies even close to me at flying. Wonderbolt captain and all.”
Scootaloo growled as she jabbed a hoof up in the air at the failed idol, “Rainbow Dash is the best flier of Equestria, and she’s a whole heck of a better pony than you!”
The name made Spitfire’s expression drop completely, going from annoyed to stunned, “Wait, say that again. Rainbow Dash?”
“Scootaloo, come on,” the earth pony filly groaned, a bit nervous about the event as a whole. Scootaloo was standing there and chewing out the captain of the Wonderbolts, something the filly could only imagine going badly.
Scootaloo glanced over briefly before returning her glare to Spitfire, “You two can go home if you want. I want to ask this jerk what she was thinking when she tossed Dad aside and made Rainbow Dash choose between her friends and her career!”
The two fillies, sensing their friend’s conviction, approached Scootaloo and stood behind her in support. If they couldn’t get her to leave, they would at least stand by her.
Spitfire was still confused about the revelation that this child was somehow related to two of her Wonderbolts despite looking nothing like either, “Okay, how is that even possible? You may not be that old, but Soarin and Rainbow Dash haven’t even known each other that long,” another thought struck Spitfire that surprised her too, “And they’re together? I didn’t even know that, not that I ever asked or looked into their social lives. Not my place.”
“Yeah, they’re together, and they’re both great ponies who know a whole lot about things like loyalty and integrity, unlike you!” Scootaloo huffed at the hovering Spitfire, “I looked up to Rainbow Dash for years because she’s the best pony in all of Ponyville, not only because of her flying! She knows what’s right and what’s wrong, which surprises me because her idol is a total and complete jerk! She never abandons her friends!”
Trying not to let the kid’s words get to her, Spitfire rolled her eyes and crossed her hooves, “Yeah, whatever kid. I made a mistake, big deal. Sorry it involved both of your parents, but what do you want me to do about it? I already apologized.”
The Pegasi filly calmed herself down and let in a deep breath before continuing, “You should stop pretending to be the hero you aren’t. They both were hurt because of you, and a small apology to them isn’t going to fix that.”
Spitfire did not know how to retort to that, but she did not need to as the sound of beating wings caught her attention.
Arriving beside the orange filly were the two Wonderbolts spoken of, and both of them seemed a bit weary.
Soarin was the first to speak, using a warning tone to hush the filly. He had heard a bit of what she had to say before landing, and he did not want to make the issue worse, “Scootaloo.”
The filly instantly shrunk, any anger still apparent instantly alleviated and replaced by nervousness, “Oh, hey.”
Rainbow Dash nuzzled Scootaloo, just glad that they had found her so quickly after their initial major mess-up, “We were worried about you.”
Her attention was quickly brought to the two fillies behind Scootaloo, whom Rainbow had not even mentally noticed with her sole focus on Scootaloo, “You girls need us to help you home?”
Realizing that they weren’t needed anymore, the two fillies shook their head as the Earth Pony spoke, “Naw, we’re good. Seeya Scootaloo!”
As they departed Rainbow turned to Spitfire and gave her a small nod, “Thanks for looking after her.”
The captain shrugged, “I wasn’t actually. She just found me before I left. She’s pretty mad about what I did to you two, and I can’t really fault her for that.”
Rainbow Dash groaned, “Scootaloo, what did you say to her?”
“Nothing that wasn’t true,” the filly mumbled.
Soarin sighed as he put a hoof on Scootaloo’s shoulder, “We’ll talk more about this at home,” he looked to Spitfire with a frown, “Sorry captain.”
Having the chance to apologize again, Spitfire took it as she had intended, “I’m the one who’s sorry. I guess I didn’t know just how much I’d hurt you both, especially since I didn’t know you two were together,” she sighed and lowered her head, “See you two at the base tomorrow?”
“Sure,” Soarin replied noncommittally, picking Scootaloo up and preparing to lift off again. He really did not want to deal with somepony who would so casually betray them, even if they did feel some amount of grief over it.
Rainbow gave her captain another nod before lifting off with Soarin, the mare too not really being in the mood to deal with her.
Spitfire couldn’t help but feeling even worse as the three left her alone.
Upon arriving home, Scootaloo was prepared for the worst. She expected to be punished for badmouthing the Wonderbolt captain, no matter how in the wrong the mare was. As such Scootaloo’s first action upon arriving home was to begin apologizing.
“I’m sorry, I just got really angry at her for-”
Soarin did not let her finish as he brought her into a hug, proud tears rolling down his eyes, “Don’t be. You’re just like your mom, Scootaloo. You can’t just sit by when something’s wrong,” he gave her a kiss on the forehead, “Thank you for standing up for me.”
Scootaloo returned the hug all the while still worrying as she was prone to do, “But what if you get in trouble because of me?”
Soarin pulled back to shake his head, “I’m not worried about myself. Not at all. Just Dash, but given how things went today I’m sure we’ll be fine.”
In an attempt to divert the subject a little, Scootaloo asked about something else, “So you and mom are both going to be competing at the Equestria Games, right?”
He laughed as he responded, some good news having come his way during the search for Scootaloo, “Yeah, but I think I’m going to not be on the Cloudsdale team afterall.”
Not being in-the-know, Scootaloo was very confused by this, “What? But then how are you competing?”
“Turn’s out Rainbow’s friend Shutterfly is uncomfortable being in front of crowds, especially when it has to do with flying. She only put two and two together after the try outs,” a big grin grew on his face, “And, since I live here in Ponyville nowadays, I can fly for them.”
This news could not have been sweeter for Scootaloo, “Aww yeah! I hope you two crush Spitfire!”
Having just stood aside to let the two have their moment, Rainbow Dash stomped a hoof and scoffed, “Oh, I completely intend to. She may be the Captain, but if she needs to act so pettily to win then that means she’s scared somepony else might win.”
Soarin looked over to his fiance with a delighted smile, “You take her and I’ll take care of Fleetfoot. I’m may not be the youngest flier on the Wonderbolts, but experience can replace raw speed in many ways.”
Still in Soarin’s front legs, Scootaloo nestled herself even closer to him.
“Best. Parents. Ever,” and with a small sigh, "I love you."
I liked this chapter. Great job adapting it to Rainbow Falls. I can say this story is one of my favorites. I hope that more chapters are to come. Thanks for writing this story.
HNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG
loved it dude. just simply loved it dude. the interactions seemed to flow naturally, if not a little too naturally. they had the vibe of not knowing where they could possibly go to me. also, that ending dude. cracked me up.
Ahhh!!!! This story is SO FREAKEN GOOD!!!!!
Has there a 'Meet the Family Pet' chapter been done?
I would've liked to see what you had before Rainbow Falls, but this was good either way
I don't mind the serious bit of it, I just wait for the comedy
Great chapter. Loved the intensity from Scoots. Keep up the good work!
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3816106 THIS This needs to be done
@t Thunderscourge
Good chapter as always and nice story flow. I am loving the way this fanfic went from a one shot to an actual story.
On a side note will we see Al Thread or Loki again soon?
that reminds me I need to watch Thor 1 and the Avengers so I can read that other fic.......
Then who's wing-3 on the Cloudsdale team? Derpy?
Excellent job!
That was very good. I really like how you folded in the new material because I doubt you were anticipating Spitfire being a bitch even if it does fit in with her earlier appearances. It was good to see her get told off here, although I am really looking forwards to seeing how this plays out in canon. It is starting to look like Soarin' is the only decent Wonderbolt which could have some very interesting consequences down the line because I am getting the distinct impression Spitfire is going to do something Rainbow cannot forgive her for sooner or later which could drag Soarin' out as well with the way things are developing.
3816499
Hey, she's Rainbow's backup!
There's at least one more Wonderbolt, Rapid Fire, so probably him/her.
3815778
This.
Another great chapter.
I'm may not be
Extra 'm
3815758 Oh, don't worry, many more chapters are to come
Thanks for enjoying!
3815778
3816471 Made much funnier by the existence of my MLP/Thor crossover
3815796 Why thank you, as that is what I aim to do
3815879 3816167 3816636 3817448 Why thank you
3816778 Maybe, maybe not
3816485 It may be done
And I too am glad how this story has progressed from a one shot to an actual story. Given that it is technically a string of connected one-shots, it's still progress!
As for All Thread and Loki, meybe, meybe
And go watch the movies! Now! Your pony overlord Loki demands it!
3816726 Spitfire was at least on the job and acting as a drill sergeant the last time she was a jerk...the last time we saw her off the job she actually was nice. It was a big surprise for me, yes, when she turned out to be a complete bitch in the episode who got off way too easy...
On the other hand, it turns out that Soarin is the nice guy I've been portraying him as. That part was nice Then again, he was even more of a pushover than I put him as, what with how badly he was treated and how easily he forgave his team. Kind of felt like an abusive relationship...
On another note, the only reason I am even accepting the episode in this story's canon is that it plays into things I have planned quite well
3817903 I am with you on that. I was operating under the assumption that Spitfire was a decent pony overall as well, but this episode paints her as a manipulative bitch who knows how to play nice when she needs to in order to maintain her public image. This seems to indicate that her performance at the Gala was exactly that and also seems to hint that her disappearing on Rainbow there may not have been a coincidence. It also sheds some rather unfortunate light on the fact that she stood by while the Tornado fell apart in Hurricane Fluttershy, and makes both her tolerance of Lightning Dust and her negligence in monitoring the cadets seem like part of a pattern rather than a single mistake which could be blamed on the writers not having time for a more thorough setup.
I am also with you on Soarin', and it is making me think the writers have plans for him. It really looks like they are deliberately setting him up as the one nice guy on a team of jerks who are busy abusing his gentle nature which is definitely something they can work with later by having Rainbow get in, then having the team do something really rotten to him which convinces her to leave and take him with her. They might even go so far as to make it a background romantic relationship, but whatever happens it is looking like they have some very interesting stories planned there and I for one am very excited to see what they are.
3817903
Rainbow: "Soarin?!? What happened to you during practice today, you look like you got launched from the Dizzytron upside down!"
Soarin: "I flew into a door, I don't wanna talk about it."
R: "It's Spitfire, isn't it?"
S: "She doesn't mean it! She only does it to make me a better flier!"
Scootaloo: "Do I need Mom to take me to Cloudsdale so I can smack a bitch?"
R & S: "Scootaloo!"
Sc:
3817873
When RL doesnt get in the way
3818336 This. This so much
3819143 The stupidity brought upon headaches which kept me from sleeping, so all of the above.
I usually scoff at people that complain about the episodes, but this is the first time that an episode has legitimately pissed me off. Don't we have enough douchebag athletes in real life already? I'M LOOKING AT YOU, A-ROD!!!
Seriously, I was, like, 9 when I went to get his autograph back when he was on the Texas Rangers. As soon as I got down to him, he ripped the magazine w/ the players' stats I had out of my hand, WHICH WASN'T WHAT I EVEN WANTED SIGNED, scribbled his name on it, and LITERALLY shoved it back in my face.
I'm not gonna lie, when I found out he got suspended for the entire 2014 season for substance abuse, I laughed... quite evilly. FUCK YOU, A-ROD!
... okay, I'm done ranting.
SO MUCH DAW IT HURTS TO LIVE HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Now I'm curious, what could you have planned for Spitfire before this episode, and more importantly, was she still gonna be a jerk
3819623 I planned on having Spitfire take care of Scootaloo one day while Soarin and Rainbow were doing Wonderbolt stuff. Then the episode happened. And no, she wasn't going to be a jerk.
Scootaloo is a great daughter. Just don't cross her. All those CMC accidents? They weren't all accidents.
3820479 Nopony mess with the Scootaloo or those she cares about
3820010
I see, kinda thought as much...perchance we'll see a redemption of sorts? 'Course, that seems like the mission for the Main 6 this season: spread the teachings so that antagonists can be redeemed...or something like that
3821042 Perhaps, but I won't confirm nor deny
3821085
Wouldn't expect it any other way
I guess like 'mother' like adopted daughter, eh? Really good.
Though you seem to use "pegasi" in the sense of it being singular when referring to Spitfire and Scoots. Was that intended?
Nicely done.:)
3826127 Dear Luna I love that gif I too await more fabulous storytimes!
And the Spitfire being a complete bitch just caught me completely off guard! I usually take measures to prepare for canon things getting in the way, usually by using vague timelines and phrasing in certain areas, but her personality just becoming complete bitch was not something I foresaw and/or could prepare myself for!
That being said, the episode only helped me with ideas beyond her bitchiness and I am actually thankful for it. Mad she was a total jerk and that Soarin instantly forgave her, but happy about how it was as close to canon SoarinDash as we'll get and glad about ideas it gave me.
3831468 I'll begin working on another chapter tomorrow if everything goes well
Precisely!
That episode was so SoarinDash it was beautiful. I do hope we get to see more hints like that as we continue I'd be willing to call it a one time thing if Dash didn't also dance with him at the wedding back in Season 2 episode 26. Now we have 2 shippy like things between the two. Do I hear a third?
Im intrigued with this chapter
Will there by chance, be a continuation of this chapter's story arc in the near future?
3831554 Oh you can count on it
You can expect to hear from my lawyer, I want compensation for the medical bills and the emotional damages I suffered. The imagery of Soarin hugging and thanking Scootaloo for standing up for him gave me a cardiac arrest, and my tear- ehm, liquid pride ducts are overworked. The doctors said I can't cry or even yawn for two weeks for them to recover fully... so I'm gonna sue you for all you're worth!
Loved this chapter, and I gotta say this kinds of conflicts are actually quite interesting, so as for me I find no trouble seeing more of them.
With that said, I do hope we see Spitfire again, either to further complicate the conflicto, or to finally settle it, even if it is in a bittersweet way.
.... Sir. May I just say.... I'm very glad that I stayed up till 4 AM to read your story. It is well worth my lack of sleep to read, and although my brain is currently thumping loudly in my classroom, I wouldn't change a thing about it. It is a good story, and you are a good person, and you should be very proud of those two facts. (Sorry if my praise is a bit lack-luster, but as you can imagine I cannot think well enough to make a 3 paragraph long comment praising you as I normally would with some of the most absolutely phenomenal writers I have ever read stories from on this sight. So do forgive me, and my lack of "Awesomeness!" towards you, you lowly and beautifully brilliant college student you )
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3837071 You'll have to pay me if you're suing me for all I'm worth
3853329 Spitfire will be appearing again, don't worry. I have planzzz....
3853458 Why thank you very much
Hey, if you were tired, I'm not about to stop you from a second attempt Not to mention there will always be more chapters for ya to talk about
Thank you again for your approval
3873348
A second attempt huh? Hmm... Alright then.... *cracks knuckles*
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Dear God- Honestly I have no clue where to begin even on the Awesomeness of this story? Perhaps an Paragraph Per Character could do it about 20% of the actual Justice it deserves. Hmm.... Well- for now, lets just start at the Beginning.
Now I wasn't surprised by the first chapter. This story seemed more like a one shot if anything. No background story, no Epilogue, no Prologue. You're starting out like Star Wars for crying out loud! (which isn't at all a bad thing! Very FEW writers could pull off such a feat.) Anyway- Chapter one, chapter one.... Oh how to describe it... Hmm... Oh! I know! "Worst Case Scenario When Meeting Her Parents" seems like a nicely fitting description! ( ) Oh- The comedy of it is very well written in. It's not heavy handed- yet it's not like a feather either. It's very well proportioned, between Comedy, Seriousness, and Romance (Comedy being the main role in this chapter.)
Oh- then there is Little Scootaloo Oh dear lord above- How have you nailed this Character will be beyond me. Most writers make Scootaloo the "Tomboy" of the group. Making her seem more maturish if anything. You on the other-HOOF- have done it Right! You still keep in mind that SHE IS A FILLY. That she has enough Energy to out burn Celestia's Sun! AND YOU REMEMBER THE EYES! XD Oh dear god-
XD I've seen that in a far LARGER story called "Dave in Equestria" I believe- By the Author "Blazewing"
Anyway- I love that Soarin is a sucker for the little tikes- and I love how Rainbow thinks of Scootaloo! It's very touching (which seems un-Rainbow like) yet you write it in such a way that it IS our Rainbow, thinking for Scoot's! It's amazingly well done!
And her Parents- Oh by god you did your research. You ACTUALLY have gotten their names right! Not only that- But you make them seem so real! Her Mother- makes perfect sense! She's Jumpy- Yet relaxed. Rebellious- yet mature. She's definitely the Mother of Rainbow Dash- and if the series where to ever show us her parents, then they should be taking a few notes from you (I HOPE YOU SEE THIS HASBRO!!!)
Then her Father- .... Honestly- I love him. He's Gruff. He's Tough. He's respectable. He's Intelligent. He's a Soldier- but he's deffinately her father as well. He's not a perfect Father- Which makes him a Perfect Character! He is as tough as Granite on the outside- but inside he's nothing more than a jiggly piece of Jello. Though... perhaps a stale piece of Jello at times (I don't even know if jello can get stale.) And he is the all around Perfect Dad for Rainbow- since he would most likely be the reason for her spark of rebelliousness.
..... And then... there is the "Problem Child" of the group...... *Sigh* ....
Don't get me wrong- Soarin is a Great character! He's a WONDERFUL character in fact! I can spot no problems in his Characteristics, whatsoever! Does he Still Like Pie? Yes. Is he still a Man-Child? Yes. Does he care for his Family? Yes (REAL family. Not those idiots who live in that over glorified Mansion.) Does he care for Rainbow Dash? YES. Does he think She's a Hot headed, Egotistical, Speedster Mare- Who has GOOD Friends, and a Big Heart, who earns her Bragging rights at every chance she gets? ..... Yes. Yes he does. And he HONESTLY Love her for it. And his Parents- Too perfect. ABSOLUTELY Perfect! I don't even NEED to go into them.
Honestly- My only REAL Problem with this Character... Is his AGE.... Hold Old is HE?! If he's TWICE as old as Rainbow (which the approximate age for all of the main six is 21) that would make him about 42! The HELL MAN. He's not REALLY twice as old as her! That would make him almost as old as Rainbow's Mother by about an 8 year difference! He's more like 30! He's WAS one of the Youngest Wonderbolts on the team at his time- which you make seem like Rainbow was about 13 years old when he joined the team- and at that time he would have to be about... Um.... My guess is he was just barely 21 when he joined the team (?) Maybe 21-24 if he joined in a little later. And then- When he was a little kid he watched the old "Power Rangers" 20 years ago.... By my Calculations- If he's 42. He was 22 when he was watching that show? I know I said he was a Man-Child, but that's a bit much, don't you think? Anyway- I'm not beating up on you. Just pointing out that you might want to be specific about his age.
Other than that that is the only problem I have with this Story. His Age. That is just a NIT-PICK. That's not even a PROBLEM that would stop me from reading this story. Why would I not wanna read this Perfect Story? This is an amazing story, with Amazing Characters! And you should be VERY Proud! In my opinion- The Characters make the Story. Not the Author. The Author just makes the Character's and follows them through out their Journeys.
.... SO yeah... I think I can say I've taken on your challenge... Hehe I do hope you like the praise. You certainly Deserve it...
Oh um... also... I'm a bit AFRAID to post this comment due to the fact of it's SIZE .... It's more of an Essay instead of a comment.... Woops.... So um... I should probably just end it here- in case I get yelled at or something.... Yeah.
Good Story. Whovian Approved. Love it- can't wait for more.