Chapter 1- The Beginning of Time
WHAM! WHAM! CRRRASH!!!
A shadowy figure slipped though the broken window, a flash of light repairing it behind her.
“Ugh, this place is so disgusting. That stallion's advice had better been worth the bits.” the mare said.
Brushing off the dust that clung to her, the mare slowly crept throughout the building, keeping an ear out for anypony coming.
Turning a corner, the mare came across a long hallway filled with oddities from side to side.
“If that stallion is to be trusted, then this so called treasure should be down this hall and take a right at the seventh aisle.” The mare thought. “Fortunately, this place does seem to be rather deserted, so at least that he didn't lying about that.”
She continued down the hallway until she reached the end, seeing only a wall.
“What?! Is this it?” Angrily she stared at the wall. “I swear by Celestia, if that stallion lied to me...”
In a fit of anger, she smacked the wall with her hoof, depressing one of the bricks. The wall shook, causing the mare to take a step back. “What?” She said in disbelief as the wall shook harder, then rose in front of her to reveal a door. She remained still for a few moments, and then crept inside.
As she shut the door behind her, she noticed that it was completely pitch black. She lit up her horn, and gasped. The room was full of different kinds of treasure. Gems, ancient scrolls, anything a pony or other creature would call valuable. The mare walked around the room for a little bit, not sure what to take, if anything at all.
“Well, I must take something, I didn't go to all this trouble for no reason.” She reasoned to herself.
But of course you didn't. Wouldn't that have been pointless?
The mare jumped and whipped her head around the room, her horn alight. “W-who's there?! Show yourself?!”
My dear, all you need to do is look in front of you.
The mare stopped glancing at the room and stared in front of her. Sitting in a box full of treasure laid a strange amulet. The amulet was composed of three pieces. One was a triangular metal plate, a flat side facing upward. In the center of this plate rested a diamond-shaped ruby. Another plate made up the third piece, this one in the shape of an alicorn's wings and head. The inner edge of the wings, as well as an eye on the head, were the same color as the ruby.
“I must be hearing things.” The mare said as she walked over and picked up the amulet. “I could have sworn that I heard a voice though.”
You did my dear. It was me.
“Ahh!” The mare dropped the amulet and scampered backwards. “Y-you spoke!?”
Yes. I am sorry if I frightened you. I only wish to help.
“Help?” The mare said. “Y-you're a talking amulet. How can you help me?”
My dear, I have special...powers. For example, I can see into your past.
“Oh really,” the mare said, skeptical. “Can you prove that claim?”
Of course my dear. Do not be frightened now.
As the mare held the gem, a strange red mist wafted from the object and covered the mare. Her eyes widened, but she stayed perfectly still. After a few minutes the mist dissipated into the gem.
Well then, I can only imagine why you are here. And I can assist you.
“How...” The mare began.
You had a major incident with a unicorn that pushed you down a spiral of failure for the last few months, am I correct?
“Yes, but how could you know that?” The mare asked.
My specialty is time. And I wish to give this gift to you.
The mare stared at the amulet for a moment, disbelieving. “This is some sort of trick, isn't it?”
No trick my dear. I only wish to assist you in your venture. I only ask one thing of you.
“And that would be?” The mare asked.
Whenever you are done with me, please return me back here. My power should stay hidden from the world.
The mare thought for a moment, then nodded. “I can do that. And that's the only thing you want? No loopholes.”
None my dear. Now, if you agree then place me around your neck and fasten the latch.
The mare silently held the amulet for a few more seconds, then nodded. She looped the strap around her neck and fastened it tight. Instantly she doubled over from a shocking blast of pain that raced though her entire body. “Argh...what's...happening...”
Peace my dear. Your body is just try to accommodate my power. It will pass.
After a few minutes, the pain passed. With tears running down her eyes, the mare shakily stood. “Is...is it over now?”
It is my dear. I have granted you complete and total control over my powers of time.
“I...wow.” The mare was at a loss for words.
So, what do you plan on doing with my powers, my dear?
The mare looked up and grinned, her eyes flashing red. “I think that I'll become the greatest and most powerful unicorn in Equestria. And now I have all the time in the world to accomplish that.”
. . .
I slowly walked out of the school as everypony around me was jumping and leaping around, happy to be out for the day. I personally didn't mind, school or being home was fine for me. I wondered if Mom was coming to get me today or if she had to work overtime...
“Dinky!” A voice called out to me. I turned to see Sweetie Belle run up to me. “So, did ya do it?!”
I sighed. “I tried, but it didn't work. I don't think we're ready.”
“Of course we're ready!” Sweetie said, jumping up and down in front of me. “My big sister was able to use magic at our age!”
I shrugged. “I can ask my mom, but seeing as how she's a pegasus, I don't think she'll know how it works.” Sweetie looked like she was about to say something, but Scootaloo called her over. That was alright with me, I normally didn't talk to other ponies. I didn't hate talking or anything, I just liked the feeling of being alone. Sometimes.
Sweetie had come up to me a few days ago with the idea that magic would help us get our cutie marks. I wasn't as obsessed with it as the Cutie Mark Crusaders were, but I was happy to try and help. I had been able to get a book on basic magic from Twilight Sparkle, but she hadn't had time to help me with any spells. And seeing how Sweetie had been reacting a few minutes ago, I assumed that she had struck out when it came to Rarity helping us. I wasn't very upset about it. We'd get our cutie marks eventually.
Sweetie ran back to me as Scootaloo zoomed away. “Want some company? I noticed that your mom wasn't here.”
I shrugged. “Sure, I don't mind.” At that, the two of us left the school yard.
“So Dinky, your mom was running late again?” Sweetie asked.
I nodded. “I guess she had to work overtime. Again.”
My friend was quiet for a moment and then spoke up. “Sorry Dinks.”
“It's alright.” I said. “I've been getting more and more used to it.”
“Have you ever spoken to her about it?” she asked.
“Not really.” I said. “It's not easy for her to be a single parent to me, so I just be quiet and stay out of trouble for her.”
“Have...have you ever met your father?” Sweetie said slowly, as if she was afraid that I would get angry from her question.
I shook my head. “I wish that I could.” I said. “We have a picture of him, he was there when I was a foal. I haven't seen him personally though, maybe someday...”
Sweetie stopped suddenly and latched her forelegs around my neck in a hug. “I'm sorry Dinky! I didn't mean to make you sad!”
I smiled and hugged her back. “It's alright Sweetie. I've gotten used to it. It's nice that you care.
“Of course I would!” Sweetie said, letting go of my neck. “You're one of my best friends!”
“Aww, look at that!” A mocking tone floated from behind us. “Its two of Ponyville's blank flanks!”
“Oh joy.” I mumbled as we turned to see Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon walking up the path behind us.
Diamond reached us first, Silver lagging slightly behind her. “And what are you two up to?”
“It's called walking.” I replied and stalked off, Sweetie by my side. The other two didn't get the hint and followed us.
“So Dinky, where was your mother today?” Diamond asked.
“Well, she wasn't at the school, was she?” I shot back.
Diamond simply giggled. “I noticed that. What, has this been like the fifth day now she hasn't showed up to get you? And doesn't she still need to talk with Miss Cheerilee?”
“That's none of your business!” I snapped at her, causing them both to giggle again. I swear, unless you've been at the receiving end of that, you have no idea how annoying it sounds.
“What's wrong Dinky?” Diamond asked. “Did you finally understand how many problems your family has?”
Without thinking, I jumped at her, determined to slam her pretty face into the ground. Sweetie had the mindset to stop me before I did something that I would probably have regretted.
“Don't do it Dinky!” Sweetie said, holding me back. “It's not worth it!”
I glared at Diamond with hate in my eyes as she looked back at me. “Come on Silver, these two aren't worth our time.”
She nodded and they both walked off. When they were out of view, Sweetie let me go. “Are you alright?”
I sighed. “Not really Sweetie. It starts to get to me after a while. I think I'm just gonna head home now.”
She nodded, “Do you want some company?”
I shook my head. “Thanks Sweetie, but we'll get together later. I'll try that book out again. I'll swing by later and bring it with me. Maybe we can figure it out together.”
Sweetie nodded and hugged me again. “Alright Dinky. I'll see you later.”
I hugged her back and waved as my friend left my view. Sighing, I turned and headed for home.
. . .
“Mom? Are you home?” I yelled as I walked into the house, shutting the door behind me. I sighed as I was greeted with nothing but silence.
I went into the kitchen to see if she had left a note for me, but I didn't find anything. “She probably hasn't been back here since she left.” I said to myself. I impaled an apple on my horn and went upstairs to my room.
Once I got there, I rifled though my bookshelf and pulled out the book on magic that Twilight had given me. I sat down on my bed, removed the apple from my horn, cleaned my horn off and started to read, eating the apple at the same time.
“Magic in unicorns comes from their central core.” I read from the book. “Unicorns cast magic by drawing from their inner store of magic, called mana. Mana draws from the unicorns strange, being part of them. As of such, when the store of mana is reduced, the user will experience fatigue and dizziness, also the threat of passing out.”
“Hmm.” I said. “So every unicorn is born with a store of magic. That means that if I tried to use magic when I'm out of mana, then I would get really sick.” I turned the page. “Is there anyway to recover lost mana?”
Sure enough, the next page detailed how that works. “If the unicorn has exhausted their mana store, he or she must wait for the mana to naturally restore. Also cross-casting can be used to restore mana faster.”
“Cross-casting?” I thought, confused. “What does that mean?” I turned to the back of the book where the descriptions of words were.
“Cross-casting: The art of casting magic from one unicorn to another to replenish mana at the cost of the caster's.” I read. “So, I guess that means you can help somepony gain magic, but you lose as much as you give. Sounds risky.”
Bored with reading about the rules, I flipped to the spell I had been attempting last night. “Levitation: The art of lifting an object with your mind. Well, maybe it'll work if I go over the process again.” I flipped the page.
“To levitate a object, you need to first draw from your magical core. When your horn is glowing with a magical aura, you are prepared to cast your spell. Point your horn at the object and visualize your magic covering the object. When you have covered the object, think about raising the object and maneuvering it around.” I read. “Why does it sound so easy, but is actually really hard?”
I grabbed my clock from my dresser and set it in front of me. I sat down and took a deep breath. “Alright, I'm ready to try again.”
I shut my eyes and tried to concentrate. I tried to force myself to levitate the clock, until I remembered that I needed to relax, so I did so.
As I sat in front of the clock, I felt a strange heat in the pit of my stomach. Excited, I tried to expand on it, not that I really knew how. I opened my eyes as the heat grew and saw that my horn was glowing with a purple glow.
“Yes!” I said. “I'm doing better then I did last night!” Wanting to move on, I visualized my magic covering the clock, but nothing happened.
“Huh, am I doing something wrong?” I thought to myself. I tried again and again to no avail.
I frowned, but then my eyes widened. When I had covered the clock in my magical aura, it had been five minutes before four. But as I looked at it, it was six minutes before four.
“What the heck?” I said. “Is it broken?” As I stared at it, I saw the hand move backwards. “Okay, that's not supposed to happen.” I went to pick it up, before I got really tired and hit the ground.
I groaned. “Ow...what?” I pushed myself to my hooves and realized that my horn was still glowing. I tried to shut it off, but then I realized that I didn't know how. I turned back to the book, but not only was it shut, it was also back in my bookcase.
I was starting to panic, but then I saw a clock float past me. Yes. A clock. “What?!” I gasped. The clock disappeared, but then I saw a ribbon of purple appear out of nowhere and start to swirl around me. “I really have no idea what's going on right now.” I thought.
I didn't think that being in my room was a good idea anymore, and made tracks to leave when I noticed a strange thing. I picked up my clock to put it back and saw that the hand was spinning backwards! “Ahh!” I dropped the clock and ran for my door, only for another swirl of purple to stop me in my tracks.
I fearfully glanced around as more swirls of purple started to circle around me, faster and faster. It got to the point where all I could see was purple, aside for a few breaks where I saw my room. At this point, I was scared. “Mom! Mom, help!” I cried, hoping that she had gotten home. But no voice yelled back to me. My horn flashed and the purple completely surrounded me, treating me to a strange sight.
Even though I was surrounded by purple, I also saw different colors in the mix, such as black and gold. I also saw different kinds of clock floating around in what I assumed to be a void. Thinking that it was all a bad dream, I laid down and clamped my eyes shut, shaking in fear.
Until, it stopped. Just like that. I laid there for another few minutes, afraid to open my eyes. I slowly peeked out of one, and my eyes shot open in disbelief.
My entire room....was pink. Completely pink. I hadn't liked the color pink for years.
“Oh man, what did I do to my room?!” I said, starting to freak out. “Mom's going to kill me!” Feeling weak, I struggled to the door, but stopped when I heard her voice. Usually I would have opened the door and hugged her, but I stopped when I heard what she said.
“Aww, my little muffin's tired. Don't worry, after a little nap, you'll feel great!” Only then did I turn around and actually look at what was in my room. Neat the back wall, where my bed was, there was a crib.
“You must be joking.” I deadpanned, then flinched as I heard my mother's voice get closer. I glanced around in a panic, then started to tiredly limp to the closet. Just as my mom started to open the door, I slipped into the closet and shut the door.
From a crack in the door, I saw my mom holding a sleeping foal and talking to it as she laid it in the crib. “My little muffin, I love you so much. You are going to accomplish great things my dear. Rest now Dinky, I'll check on you a little later.” She stayed at the crib for a few more seconds, then left the room and shut the door behind him.
I slumped down in the closet, tired and shocked. “This can't be real.” I said. I felt a tingle along my flank and glanced down. As I stared, I saw a analog clock sitting there on my flank. “But this is real.” I said, a flash of joy rushing though me at the sight of my cutie mark. “I'm...I'm in the past."
I sat there for about another five minutes or so, unsure of what to do. I was going to get up and try to exit the closet when I heard crying and the sound of hoofsteps coming closer to the door. Scared and confused, I sat back down. "This...this is going to be one of those days.”
Doctor Whooves is her father, right?
All the time in the world would have gone to waste.
2406584
Love that game.
Also, twow, may read this. I want to read it, but school.
Schoolschoolschoolschool. FUCK.
Wait, No_M helped proof one of your stories? Did you even tell me you were WRITING this?
Eh. At least now my girlfriend can say she's contributed more than pretty art to the fandom.
Also, AppleDash. You need to write one. I haven't forgotten. In fact, the revival of THAT incident reminded me.
2406748 I asked him TWO WEEKS AGO. The FIRST time you bothered Miles. He said, and I quote:
I went to bed soon after that, as I'd just gotten home from a convention that night, so we never got to talk about it again. NOW, though, with you stirring shit back up...
And I will NOT reply to anything you say to me here again. twow doesn't need this to escalate more on his property.
Fake and gay.
0/1000
(It doesn't have Garfield in it, don't bother reading!)
2406791 Okay, fine, one more.
Time stamps and everything. If twow comes back and wants this gone, I'll gladly remove it, but I'm not fucking kidding.
For the record, the "wows" were because I didn't expect that behavior from you back then. You always WERE a supporter of his...
2406797 Why hello there, unfunny troll guy!
We would just like you to know that je moeder zuigt lullen in de hel!
2406883 I think you meant Fixed it for ya.
2406913
Suck my dick :D
2406930 私はしかし、右の私の後ろに虎あります。
2406934
I'm not going to rush off and translate your stupid, ignorant words, faggot.
It just shows me that you're too much of a bitch to speak in a language I cared to learn.
2406945 No cuando te ves obligado a aprender este como un niño.
Also, you're too much of an idiot to not use immature words against me.
2406957
Congratulations you putrescent accumulation of filth. The synapses in your brain must not be functional for such incredible ignorance to plague you. If you are the future of humanity then I weep for this species.
Dost thou even hoist?
2406957>>2406978 Both of you fucking drop it now.
2406978 Christ, you're not even funny with your trolling...
I'm bored. (disappears in a puff of smoke)
2406989
2406997
But I'm having so much fun.
FYI, I'm not trolling to make YOU laugh, idiot(Atlas) I do it to make ME laugh.
I could give a shit about your dumb feelings.
How is this a time travel fic without Doctor Whooves?
2407682 Thanks. I remembered something and fixed the tags.
2406989 Drop fucking it?
Also, I like this. Another, please~!
2407763 Either there is some mistake, or my computer is being a troll. Wasn't Derpy in the tags earlier?
Oh this has been released? You really should have notified me
2421516 Woops. Sorry about that. I thought you were watching me.
Spabble of WRITE here, giving the requested review.
Style, Phrasing, and Mechanics:
Use a colon, not a hyphen. Hyphens are for combining words, not for punctuating headers. Also, I'd recommend centering the header.
If this isn't the Big Bang itself, you have no reason to use bold, italics, caps, and multiple exclamation points.
When you want to express chronological order, take care not to conflate the events. What you're saying in this quote is that the figure slipped through the broken window while it (at the exact same time) became repaired.
When a quote is attributed (such as by "the mare said" or "he yelled"), use a comma to link the attribution to the quote. In this case, you need to change the period after "bits" to a comma. Also, shouldn't she be using "had better be," not "had better been"?
Reread this sentence.
Never use both a question mark and an exclamation point. If you must express the vigor of the statement, describe it.
This is an attribution, so you need "she" to be lowercase.
There are more mechanical errors, but I'll stop there. If you would like me to point out the rest, then just ask.
Plot:
This chapter contains two entirely separate scenes—one of an evil villain and one of Dinky getting her
TARDISclock cutie mark by engaging in shenanigans. The logical progression is, eventually, to connect these two events in some way. I'm sure that's what you're going to do.Well, now she can. I'd recommend having her meet—or at least find—her father. (I'm sure you already have that planned.)
Here we have a page-long headcanon dump. Currently, it bears no importance to the plot of the story. If that's not going to change, then remove the headcanon dump.
Characters:
As far as characterization, everything seems fine. The evil villain at the start appears to be Trixie or a Trixie-inspired OC, and Dinky's situation is similarly standard. The short bits that we see of the CMC seem pretty well characterized to me. DT and SS are portrayed as they typically are.
She mentions "that stallion" three times on the first page. He'd better serve some purpose to the story. If he doesn't, then reconsider his existence.
Conclusion:
Interesting story, even if the premise is a little unexpected. The main issue with the story is its mechanical errors. Keep going, but for heaven's sake, either get a copy editor or be one.
— Spabble, WRITE's Supreme Copy Editor
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