Pinkie pie please

2407211 that's one on pinkie
looks like she wants it too huh

Applejack, Excellent story so far.

2407333 well looks like applejack agrees with this as well. one vote for her

oh yea I have been wiating for this one your awsome so ...very ...AWSOME

Applejack

looks likes aj's on a roll here that two votes for a favorite farming pony here

AJ

Applejack

hahahahahah wow applejack became popular when i mention her huh. that's 5 votes for applejack and one vote for pinkie pie and the rest zero.

AJ and I cant help but feel this was lower quality then the last ch but undersandeblu consdring school and what not

AJ

AJ

pinkie pie Applejack can wait.

Woo Hoo! Twilight got the second chapter!
A poll for next chapter? I choose AppleJack!

Me to! Applejack!

Nu! Pinkie Pie!

Pinkie Pie

Applejack

I will have to say…Applejack, and the next one could be Zecora, she could need a good massage.

Hey and what was with Lotus and Aloe? Did they needed a massage too? they were the ones with the idea. Boy did he will have problems finding a girlfriend, considering his job.

P.S: I know is difficult that happen, buuuuut…perhaps Candace could use a massage?

Okay, as much as I want to read and enjoy this story...
I found several points where it changed from 2nd to first person perspective, and a huge amount of grammatical mistakes. This story has a great deal of potential, but it needs some major editing.

2412982
And…for what mare or stallion you vote?

2413122
No vote until the editing has reached the point where I can read through it and stay immersed in the story.

My vote goes to Applejack, I want my favorite cowpony to get the ride of her life.

Octavia

AJ
and than Pinkie!

Maybe a threesome with AJ and Big Mac. Or do them seperatly.

this story looks amazing but you need an editor, this I couldn't really push through this without getting a headache trying to fix all of the mistakes I noticed in my head. I'll keep it faved because its got a good premise, but I can't actually read this until it gets cleaned up a bit.

2417064 HAHAHAHA THAT WOULD SOUND AWESOME BUT HUMAN HERE IS SAYING NO dammit he's a kill joy

“Hey.” She said stating your name at the end. “How are you do-“she stopped a mild second as she looked down. Apparently she walked behind him but didn’t know you turned my head towards her

Whos head was turned toward what now?

Editor; you need one. Still faved because of potential, but for Pete's sake get an editor. I don't care if you have to knock one out and carry him home in a sack, BUT GET ONE, I BEG THEE!

I noticed a lot of capitalization errors, namely not capitalizing a lot of names. Few other odds and ends here and there, buit overall from what I've seen thus far, I can say I like it.

Maybe a three way with Pinkie Pie and AJ

Excuse me, but you seemed to have forgoten what the fuck the english language is.

if hes a massage therapist and hes doing this i must assume hes getting paid too cause its called the heavenly treatment wasnt it? and if he is geting paid how much does the treatment cost

'The collared shirt adds credability' - Ryan Whiley

You need an editor.

Thus far i think it's a very good series can't wait to see more

I am going to go through this, later...

But a word of advice from an editor, learn your grammar man. Make sure to proof read..!

Sex in a mud bath? OUCH! Having sex in water is already bad enough, I can't possibly imagine what having sex in mud bath would feel like...sand paper I guess.

A heat cycle has nothing to do with birth.... please do research.

Today seems more calmer then before the last few days. After you amazing experience with Ms. Rarity you began to ask nicely well almost. More like shouting (sort of) to your bosses on what happen. You did liked the experience but unfortunately you still wanted answers on why you had just had sex with your client.

This introduction paragraph is not as good as the last chapter. I would suggest a rewrite to this:

Today seems far calmer then it has been for the last few days. After your amazing experience with Ms. Rarity, you began to ask your bosses why that occurred. Well, actually, it was more like (sort of) shouting at your bosses, asking what just happened. You has liked the experience, but you still wanted answers on why you had just had sex with your client.

.

Both your bosses said that this month and throughout spring is sort of not a good time for most mares. Your boss lotus begins to explain that ponies go through a heat cycle over some time where they need to how they say it ‘relieve some’ of the burning sensation inside them. basically for the female anatomy, females usually go through their heat cycle when their ready to give birth to children, but because of them having animal instincts their drives are 10 times stronger than males of which some males leave poniville for a few days till the heat cycles are over . Aloe then explains that before you came here to equestria, they were the ones ‘helping’ relieve some of the tension away for them by offering the same treatments you gave to rarity. They said that since you was both a male and looking for clients they came up with heavenly paradise massage which they said again will help bring in new customers for you but also boost your name and repetition all over equestria.

Suddenly I realize that this chapter wasn't edited. I'm going to extend an offer to edit this chapter and possibly other chapters, unless you've gotten far better with grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure but haven't gone back over your older chapters. In the meantime, I'm going to rewrite this entire paragraph, because that's what I do for fun. Oh, and by the way, we don't know what month it is. Is it Spring right now, is it the final month before Spring begins? We could just say that it's Spring and leave it at that. By the way, heat also occurs during the Summer.

Both of your bosses informed you that, throughout spring and summer, most mares go through a strange change. Lotus begins by explaining that ponies go through a heat cycle in which the gain an increased chance of becoming pregnant, and also become far more aroused. Every few weeks, the mare going through the cycle while gain a high libido, feeling like they need sex until, a week later, they return to normal for 2-3 weeks. Aloe then explains that, before you came to Equestria, they would help "relieve" some of the desire by offering similar treatments to the one you gave to Rarity. They said that, since you are both male and looking for clients, they came up with "heavenly paradise massage" which they said will not only help bring in new customers for you, but also boost your name and repetition all over Equestria.

By the way, if you want to know how I know that much about heat cycles and estrus, it's simple: I did a small amount of research.

On that note, I bid you adieu until I either suggest more changes or you reply to a comment of mine.

How bout LYRA HEARTSTRINGS?

(pray that he SURVIVES)

repetition

reputation

(Warning what I'm about to say is in no way me trying to belittle or sound rude to the writer)

If your and adult and you like drinking games here is one .

For every time he uses the word blush take 1 shot

If he says red take 2 shots

If he used any other color variation of red take 3 shots.

Again just having fun ;)

Pleeeease get a proof reader? I really want to like this story, but i can only power through it when drunk.

This is a really awesome chapter. Jeep up the incredible work

You've created something extremely popular, but you have a weak grasp on the English language. I have no doubt that you've gotten better since writing this, but the point still stands because I don't know you and this chapter is all I have to go by. The previous chapter drew me right in, and I was getting settled for a million words of beautiful sex. This is still okay clop, but the quality is so much worse.

You have a smart premise that can be reused to fuck every single pony a hundred times over, and you have an acceptably bland character that all of your readers can strongly project themselves onto. It's the perfect formula! Once you get an editor, this will be perfect.

Honestly, i know no writing site besides Fimfiction, where every second person is complaining about grammar.
Especially years after said chapter was posted.

Before you could go further your brain manages to catch up and you retract away from her. You bowed and frantically said sorry over and over. “I’m so sorry. I- I couldn’t control myself. Really I’m sorry”

.....Aren't you....supposed to like......do that?