New Pony Tales

by Gabriel LaVedier

The Gilded Cage

Once upon a time, in a far and tiny nation, the population gossiped openly about the rumors of a mysterious and ill-regarded tower located deep in the dark and allegedly-haunted woods that ran for many day's walk into a mountain valley. The winds of the mountains prevented pegasi from skirting over the top of the forest, while the imposing forest itself brushed off the most stalwart of earth ponies and most magical unicorns.

The reason for the rumors was that it was said that a handsome prince resided in the tower, the prisoner of some wicked creature. Every bold mare, and one or two burly stallions, after a belly full of ale, talked up good plans to charge the forest, storm the tower, slay the creature and take the prince for themselves. That tended to last as long as it took for the next round to arrive. Then there was more drinking, sheepish looks and hearty, derisive laughs from the others, who were also not bold enough to follow through.

Washed in all those rumors, boasts and unfruitful notions was an unassuming bar wench, Doe, a donkey of a plain and unassuming look. She would snort with derision at every suggestion, aware they would all come to nothing, and did her best to hide her braying laughter amid the chorus of mocking following the failure to act. She tried her best to appear mild, shy and invisible but was, in reality, quite wise and quick of wit.

It became clear to Doe that every plan was washed in uncertainties. It was not that the boastful ones did not know what they would do if they encountered this terror or that challenge, it was that none knew what lay beyond the barest edge of the forest. They barely knew there was a tower from seeing the top of it stabbing up through the leafy canopy far off through the woods. They lacked any coherent idea about how to proceed because they had never bothered to try examining things.

At long last it was enough. After yet another boasting that ended in stuttering admission that the teller would not go Doe dropped her broom and proclaimed, “Oh enough! If none of you will go out there I'll do it myself! It will spare me more stammering and drunken boasting that comes to laughter and failure before the journey is started!”

There was silence in the tavern for a long time, before every last patron erupted into a gigantic laugh. One commenter, a meager little speck of a blue unicorn pointed to Doe and said, “You?! Ha! There have been titled knights and dames out here in full armor and years of training who have sallied out and never come back. And you think you can do it? A tavern-keeping donkey?”

Despite the sentiment of the others being against the idea of success, they did not appreciate the mention of Doe's species. While the unicorn was being chastised another tavern-dweller said, “Impossible! Even if you fight through the dark forest, and to the tower, how can you defeat the creature? You don't have a plan.”

“That's because I don't know anything about what it is. Going out might be crazy but I'm not just going to hang around here and listen to you cowards making useless plans. I'll at least find out what the thing is and what it's really like in there. I'll have a sensible plan anyhow.” With that, Doe took up her broom and stormed off.

Despite the late hour Doe didn't hesitate. She went to her home for a pack of food, a lantern and some water, then set out for the forest. It was alleged to be packed with creatures of every horrible description, brutes and beasts behind every tree waiting to swallow the unwary whole. But being a sturdy and redoubtable donkey, she was hardly swayed by idiotic rumors from those who had never been in there.

Despite the intimidating, impenetrable darkness of the trackless woods and the tangle of bushes and brambles she could see between every tree and jutting rock she charged ahead, letting the bobbing light of the lantern tell her of what obstacles fell within the modest circle of visibility. It would be too easy to get turned around in the darkness so she worked carefully, knowing what she could was right in front of her at the outset and fixing on the very spot. Each time she reached a tree she found the exact opposite face and proceeded from there, intent on avoiding the foolishness of getting lost.

Sounds were plentiful in the darkness, unnatural cries and howls from the distance, which could have been anything from timber wolves to nameless creatures never glimpsed by any eyes. Rustles rang from every bush and the sound of scattering stones indicated any number of followers, mundane or magical but always present. Every trot was pursued, every motion marked with some cry or shift of whatever was coming for her.

She set down the lantern and actually jabbed her broom into the darkness past the lantern's light. Nothing. No monsters, no timber wolves, not even a startled rabbit. There was nothing but noise, following her path. Some kind of magical trickery to frighten her away. She was a strong and sturdy jenny. She would not be driven off by simple tricks.

Her path through the forest was slow and tedious, necessary to maintain the straight path that would lead to the tower. Dull as it was, it worked. She found a clearing in the distance, which was being slowly illuminated by the rising sun. It hadn't seemed like such a long journey, but she was happy to take the light. The sunlight revealed the tower, a tall structure of pure white stone, capped with a pointed roof also of white stone. Less comfortingly, the rising sun highlighted the ground before the tower, right below a balcony near the top. In a crater before the tower was a collection of bodies, skeletonized and wearing rusted armor bearing noble crests. The noble ponies who had come before.

It did not paint a rosy picture of the prospects, but by no means did it deter the intrepid jenny. Sparing them only a respectful dip of her head she went around the base of the tower, expecting to only find a smooth, unbroken expanse requiring some form of magic to get through. Around the rear side of the tower, however was a simple wooden door, one which was not barred in any fashion. A simple push and it swung open, revealing a stone staircase spiraling up the inside of the tower, directly to some spot in the darkness above.

The sort of boasting figure found back at the tavern would have invented a thousand different reasons to mistrust the open door or the spiral stairs, just to get out of finding out the facts. Doe was anything but of their ilk. She tapped the steps as she went up, true, but she never hesitated on the circling passage to the top.

That top was blocked by nothing more than a simple red velvet curtain, which was easily pushed aside. Past the curtain the room was awash in bright light from the numerous reflections created by the sun striking great expanses of gold and jewels. The entire inner space was like what Doe always imagined the private chamber of a noble looked like. Finely-made furniture was placed about, holding functional and functionless objects made of precious metals and gems. The walls were covered in expensive tapestries and beautiful paintings, while the floor was spread with beautiful colorful rugs of a make Doe could not identify.

It was an impressive place, and Doe could not help but let out a whistle, which brought up a sound from an area up a small set of stairs. There was a huge bed there, with a canopy and filmy curtains around it. From out of the bed lumbered a great golden unicorn. His body was a rich, shining shade of yellow, while his mane had more of a coppery tone like unpolished gold. He was a huge, heavy male, yet even so he almost seemed to mince along down the stairs in great surprise. “Goodness! Who are you? You don't look like the nobles that have come here. Are you... a peasant?”

Doe snorted softly and waved her broom in a vaguely threatening manner. “And if I am? I'm a donkey too, does that make a difference? What I am mostly is here to... I'm not sure. I was going to say rescue you but the curtain here opened easily enough and the door down there wasn't locked. I'm not sure why you're still here.”

The golden stallion waved dismissively. “Donkey, pony griffin, that hardly matters. I mean to say I presumed that only nobles could reach this place, in all their resplendent finery with their crests proclaiming the glories of their line.”

“Well, no,” Doe said, rather bluntly, “All it takes is not being an idiot while walking through the forest and realizing there was just a lot of noise in here. What's your name, goldy, and why are you up here if nothing's locked?”

“My name is Prince Aurelius,” the stallion proclaimed, with a grand sweep of his hoof, “And I am here by my own choice. I was placed in this great tower for my own good.”

“How do you figure that? You're in a tower in the middle of the woods. Not a great way to meet other folks,” Doe noted.

“I would hardly wish such a thing. Here I may have all that I desire, be filled wholly with my own desires, while separated from the horrible, horrible world, a place of peasants, and grasping nobles, and hook-clawed mares seeking to latch only my bloodline. Separated from a world that would take away my pleasures,” Aurelius said.

“Well what idiot told you that?” Doe asked incredulously.

“I did!” All of a sudden there was a third presence in the room. The interloper was like the color inversion of Aurelius, floating ethereally just outside of the balcony, his eyes cold and hard. “Who are you, peasant? What worthless nothing comes to this place?”

“Who's this guy? And why does he think I won't give him some of this?” Doe shook the broom at the floating figure.

“He is my royal sorcerer. He told me of the flaws in the world, he put me here to protect me. He is forever thinking of my best interests,” Aurelius said, with a smile. “But please, Cuprum, do not be so rude to our guest. She has not been in any fashion like the others. And she has been nothing at all like the peasants you described.”

“'Guest'?! You call this... creature a guest? She is an interloper! An affront to your royal presence!” Cuprum shouted, floating threateningly towards Doe.

“I warned you! Sorry, I'm too low-ranked to be polite and all this courtly stuff needs a shortcut,” Doe said before repeatedly bashing Cuprum with her broom. Though it did not have much of an effect he still looked almost pained merely by the indignity of the attack.

“A-hahah! Oh Cuprum! I do like this lady! I wish she was here all the time! She is nowhere near as stuffy as the others and she knows how to handle you. You can be so grim sometimes,” Aurelius laughed heartily and came over to give Doe a friendly back-clapping.

“I've had a lot of folks talk about me but never like that. You know... for a pretty-colt lunk you're not too bad,” Doe said with a smile, still wielding her broom against Cuprum.

“Insolent braying longears!” Cuprum thundered, voice and magical force washing over the tower room, scattering the fancy objects and throwing both Doe and Aurelius around. Cuprum tore the broom out of Doe's grip before grasping her throat with a magical force. “The nobles had the decency to humor his worthless ways and play the courtly game before I convinced them to leap to their dooms!”

“You what? Cuprum... you told me they had a magical staircase,” Aurelius rose from the ground slowly. “You said that they could not leave through the tower, that it was only for me... and I never wanted to leave here because...”

“Quiet! Go back to your courtly pursuits and ignore this worthless peasant!” Cuprum dragged Doe by her throat, ignoring her strangled cries and flailing limbs, pulling her towards the balcony. “I must purify your world, keep you secure in your regality, insular and singular in will!”

“Help me you dolt!” Doe cried, a well-aimed kick striking Cuprum. Her donkey strength managed to make the blow hurt enough that the magical grip faltered. “You're a prince! Act like one! Don't let this creep run your life. You've got a brain and a heart in your body somewhere, don't you?”

“I... it is improper for a noble to engage in such physicality...” Aurelius stammered, standing on his hooves, pressed against a wall and quivering lightly.

“He will do nothing! I made certain he would be nothing more that a handsome face, a thing to keep in surroundings like these, useless for any task,” Cuprum shouted, grabbing Doe again with his magical force, keeping well away from her as he pulled her to the balcony again.

Doe grasped at her throat, hooves moving through the strangling magical force, her eyes mostly unfocused but looking towards Aurelius. “He got you up here and he made you stay... haven't you got any of that will he talked about? Or are you just talk?”

“Shame will not work. He has no sense of shame. I made sure he did not fear chastisement and would ne-” Cuprum's gloating and magical force ended when the broom cracked across the back of his head, so hard that it shattered in half.

“She did not think I was princely enough. And from somejenny like her, somejenny speaking the truth so clearly... I would have to be a nothing to not feel stricken!” Aurelius used the magic of his own horn to bring the broken broom pieces to bear against Cuprum.

“You dare to think you can stand against me? I am you you pitiful fool! Your nobility, your superiority, your mastery of all that you survey!” Cuprum turned on Aurelius, grappling with him. “That is me! You cannot defy me! What are you without me!”

“Well, probably brave enough to leave this unlocked tower. All your scaremongering is probably why he's still here,” Doe said, standing well away form the balcony, throwing various heavy objects at Cuprum's head.

“She is right! You've been no advantage to me! You called me nothing but a handsome face! I am more! I had wisdom and worthwhile qualities before you took me away and put me here! You call that honest, straight-talking jenny worthless but you are really useless, nothing more than a mean, vicious little thing!” Aurelius crashed his horn against Cuprum's horn, a surge of magic cracking the other unicorn's horn. “I don't need you anymore!” With a shove Aurelius sent the no-longer-hovering Cuprum across the room and over the edge of the balcony.

“Wow. I didn't think you had it in you. I figured you'd just yell at him for a while,” Doe noted, rolling her shoulders. “Ready to leave? I can lead you back to town, and from there I guess you can get back to your own kingdom.”

Aurelius turned towards Doe, sheepishly rubbing his neck. “Well... I suppose. As long as you come with me.”

“What? Are you kidding me? I'm a tavern worker. I serve ale to boastful cowards. What do you need me for?” Doe spoke dismissively as she led Aurelius down the staircase.

“You rescued me. You crossed the forest, you came up here and saved me,” Aurelius said, with a grateful tone.

“I just wanted to shut up those folks at the tavern. They wouldn't do it. And I guess all the nobles couldn't. Besides, you beat him. You got off your flank and decided you wanted to be a proper prince. I just hit him with a broom a few times,” Doe said.

“I never would have without you,” Aurelius noted as he stepped out of the door at the bottom of the stairs for the first time in ages. “You made me want to be a prince. I could never have done it without you. And the reward for such could only be matrimony.”

“Me? Marry you? I don't even know you! Not that the idea is too bad you understand...” Doe glanced back at Aurelius and gave a wry grin, “But can you imagine the looks? That would go over great.”

“I'm sure I could convince you. I can be charming, when I try,” Aurelius noted with a laugh.

“Look, it's a few hours through the forest, and that's if your fancy flank doesn't wander off and get lost. Sell me on the idea, and we'll see,” Doe said. Thinking of it, she rushed up to Aurelius and pressed a huge, powerful kiss on his lips, making the bulky unicorn flail about helplessly. After a moment of hard kissing she pulled away with a soft pop. “Your kissing sure won't do it. You're terrible!” She winked to him before she looked into the forest. “We'll work on it.”

Comments

[DoubleCycloneX]

Yes.

[Noble Cause]

This is adorkable AND awesome!

[Kagitaar]

form those. from those.

Aww, it's fairytale Conny and Blueblood. So are they going to make a cameo in every story from now on?

Oh, and the story was really cute. Doe's smartass dialogue was thoroughly enjoyable.

[Gabriel LaVedier]

2683952

Only where appropriate.

And yes. I had a lot of fun writing "smartass peasant heroine" Doe because I got to insert something new into the courtly expectations.