Nightmares and Memories
WARNING - This Chapter includes some mild gore and horror.
Applejack sat by her window, looking out as the rain fell steadily. It dripped from the rafters, down the window pane, and gently fell to the earth below. It had been over a year since Rainbow Dash had died in that terrible accident in Canterlot during one of her performances with the Wonderbolts. This day wasn't unlike any other besides the rain. Applejack liked the rain. It made her feel like it masked her own tears as they slowly made their way down her face and dripped on the floor.
She could hear the noise of her family busseling around downstairs. What were they doing down there, she wondered? She wiped at the tears on her face and looked over at her empty bed as she had so many times before.
She could picture it in her head. All those wonderful nights shared with her mate and best friend. This room was where they shared their first night together. It was where on one cold winter's eve as they lay cuddled together, Rainbow Dash first whispered those three beautiful words, "I love you". It was where so many long talks had begun and ended.
Her train of thought was interrupted by the sound of the stairs creaking followed by a gentle knock on her door.
“Its open,” Applejack said softly.
Big Mac slowly stepped in her sisters room. He took in the sight of her sitting by the window as she so often was when he came to check on her.”How ya holdin’ up tonight, AJ?”
Her ears laid back and she didn’t speak for a long while until she finally let out a short sigh. “Same as the last 100 times ya asked me that. I don’t see it gettin’ any better neither”
Big Mac shuffled his hooves a little and let out a soft sigh of his own. He knew what he had to say but he hated he’d been the one selected to say it. “AJ, it's been over a year now. Don’t you reckon you should at least spend more time downstairs at least?”
“What’s it matter what I do in mah own time big brother?", she said curtly. “Ah do my chores, Ah help out around the house, and still cook plenty of meals. This is mah personal time and ah don’t rightly see what it matters to anyone what ah do with it”
“Yer family and friends miss ya is all,” Big Mac said. “Sure you do all that’s required of ya. Ain’t no pony sayin’ otherwise, but there’s more to life than just sittin’ up in your room thinkin’ ‘bout the past or what might’ve been.”
“And what if it had been Cheerilee that died? Would ya be sayin’ the same thing?”
“That ain’t fair.”
“Sure it is. You love her more than life itself. If she off and died I reckin’ you’d be plenty shook up.” Applejack turned around from the window and gazed at her brother.
Big Mac spent a while pondering his next words. He opened his mouth and closed it again several times trying to phrase his next sentence just right. “I’d mourn’er. I’d mourn like you mourn Rainbow Dash, for both myself and the little filly we have together.” He stopped and clenched his eyes. The mere thought of losing his wife nearly brought him to tears, “but” he pushed through. “I’d also let the past alone after a while. Find that spot where the pain stops and good memories begin. I’d turn to mah family and friends for comfort. ‘Course there's a time for thinkin’ and holdin’ on, but eventually ya gotta let go”
That was not what Applejack wanted to hear. “Let’er go?! How can ya say such a thing!?” Her face was red with fury and she jumped up out of her seat looking ready for a fight. “Ya don’t understand Mac! Ah, -can’t- let’er go. Don’t ya think Ah’ve tried? Do ya think I enjoy sittin’ around thinkin’ about what I lost all the time? There ain’t a moments peace for me. Not during the day while workin’, not during the night while sleepin’. Not with my friends or even mah family.”
Tears started to flow freely down her face as she continued. “All ah I can ever think about is that blue pegasus!” She began to sob. “Ah w-wish I could just have a moments peace but it never comes. A-ah miss her so much Big Mac.”
When she finally stopped, she let her head hang low. Her golden mane fell down about her face, covering the streams of tears. Big Mac stood in silence not sure what to do. He wanted to go to her, to comfort her as he had tried to do so many times. But she was stubborn and never wanted any part of it. She always felt she had to take on the world alone. No, that wasn’t true. She always felt she could take on the world with her wife at her side.
“AJ….”
“Please get out,” she sobbed.
“AJ I’m sorry….”
“I said get outta here Mac!”
Bic Mac’s heart sank. He wasn’t mad at her for yelling. He wasn’t upset at her tone. He figured this is how this conversation would go. He simply turned around and shut the door quietly on his way out.
Applejack stood there for a long time, thinking about the conversation she just had. Big Mac was right. She knew in heart he was right, but right now her heart and mind had no room for anything but her sorrow. She walked over to her bed and laid down, curling up as tight as she could. The soft pounding of rain hitting the roof and her own heartbeat were the only sounds she could hear. She closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable nightmares to come.
~***~
“Come on AJ, you have to open your eyes at some point! How else are you going to see how awesome this new trick really is?” Rainbow Dash said with slight disappointment in her voice. “This is like the coolest trick I’ve ever come up with and you won’t even watch the ending!”
“Ah’m sorry Sugarcube. Next time I’ll watch till the end, I promise.”
“You -always- say that,” Rainbow said as she crossed her forelegs over her chest. Flying close to the love of her life.
“And ah always mean it every time ah say it. But after ya do yer Rainboom and start streaking towards the ground to do that triple...err..heimlich...uhh...hexic…”
“Helix”
“Yeah that; instead of pullin’ up as usual? It just gets to mah nerves somethin’ fierce. What if something went wrong? I may not be an expert, but even ah can tell when yer going fast enough to kill yer self. Ya need to think ‘bout the big picture. Is a stunt that dangerous worth the risk of an accident?”
They were walking home along the path from the barns to the east Orchard where their house was tucked away in seclusion off in the distance. They had moved out of the Apple family homestead some 12 years ago after deciding they needed a space of their own after they were married.
The sun was coming down and the heat of the day had finally started to abate. They had been off in the fields most the afternoon as Rainbow Dash practiced her moves for the upcoming show in Canterlot. She had moved up over the years in the Wonderbolt hierarchy and was now Captain and one of their leading show mare’s. She had perfected countless stunts, from the mundane to down right death defying; but as time went on, Rainbow Dash began to feel her act was getting stale and needed something new. That’s where the Triple Helix Rainboom came in.
“When you don’t watch to the end, it’s like you don’t have faith in me that I can do it. It really sucks,” Rainbow pouted.
“Aww, Dash it ain’t that. You know me, I just worry is all. Ah’ll always worry ‘bout ya. Ya ain’t no 18 year old filly no more. Yer almost 34 years old and well, ponies change over time. We been married what, 14 years now? In all that time have ah ever stopped worryin’ while yer performin’?”
She stopped and looked her mate in the eyes. “It ain’t that I don’t believe in ya. It's just I think ya might be a little too old to be addin’ such a dangerous trick to your routine. Ya only got a few more years before ya retire from active shows and move to trainin’ new Wonderbolts at the Academy in Canterlot.”
Rainbow considered this for a moment and sighed. “You’re right I guess. I just don’t want to stop being cool because I got older is all. When I retire, I want to be the best that ever was or will be. Is that so much to ask?”
“You’ll always be the coolest and most awesome pony in all Equestria. You don’t need no silly trick to prove it. Ya already have over the years.”
Applejack smiled, leaned in and kissed her long and lovingly. Rainbow Dash whimpered into the kiss, melting how she always did since their first kiss so long ago. To Rainbow’s dismay, Applejack ended the kiss sooner than she would have liked.
“Thats cheating”
“No it ain’t”
“Is too”
“Not”
Rainbow laughed and landed, nudging her flank up against Applejack’s. “Well at least let me do it once at the Canterlot show. Its an anniversary event and everyone will be there, even the Princesses. I’ll do it just like I practiced. One and done. Then once everyone can see I’m just as awesome as I’ve ever been, I’ll go back to my normal stunts. How’s that?”
Applejack had a bad feeling about it. She didn’t like it one bit. She firmly believed it was too dangerous, but she had done it several times in practice already and she wasn’t one to hold her beautiful blue pegasus back.
“Alright. Once. One and done, ya promise?”
“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” she said, going through the motions as she spoke. “Thanks AJ. You’re the best”
“And don’t ya ever forget it.”
“As if”
They both laughed as the reached the door to the house. “How ‘bout we go inside and open up a barrel of Cider since your shows tomorrow. For good luck and all that,” Applejack said.
“Sure, but after the Cider, mind if we do a little something else upstairs to wish me luck?”
Applejack smirked, “I think that can be arranged.”
As they walked inside and Applejack went to the kitchen, Rainbow suddenly had an odd urge come over her.
“Hey Applejack?”
“Yeah Darlin’?”
Rainbow fidgeted with her hooves a little before finally speaking. “I love you. You know that, and I know I don’t say it nearly enough as I should. I’ve never been good with all that mushy stuff, but I really do. With all my heart. In all the cool places I’ve been and all the people I’ve got to meet around the world, no one has ever come close to matching how awesome you are...other than me, but that goes without saying,” she joked.
Applejack brought out two mugs full of the delicious beverage and set them down on the table. She laid out on the floor, bright emerald eyes focused on those deep magenta.
“And I love you Sugarcube. Yer my world. Don’t know how I rightly got along without ya looking back. Ah was born to be with ya. Nothing can break what we have….”
Break...Broken….
Applejack gasped as suddenly right before her eyes, Rainbow’s left wing snapped in half. Her right wing ripped nearly off her back all together. Blood started oozing from the injuries as Applejack laid there in shock.
“Whats wrong AJ?” Rainbow asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Ghost...death….
Blood started to run down her face from a nasty gash on her forehead. Her legs began to snap and twist, making Rainbow look more like a twisted piece of metal then a pony. Applejack staggered back. Rainbow Dash just sat there, bleeding and broken on their floor.
“Why did you say it was okay to do that trick Applejack? If you would have told me not to I would have listened.”
Applejack looked on in horror. “No...no...I said it was dangerous….I just didn’t want to hold ya back! I wanted ya to be happy!”
“Look at me Applejack...I’m dead and it’s your fault”
Applejack backed away in sheer terror. “No. Please, Celestia, no. This isn’t real. THIS ISN”T REAL” She shouted..
“Come give me a kiss Applejack….” Rainbow leaned forward, her body creaking and cracking as she did. She began to laugh. “Oh my gosh, you should see your face!”
Applejack closed her eyes and screamed.
Big Mac startled awake at the sound of the blood curdling scream coming from Applejack’s room. It was the nightmares again. He jumped out of bed and ran to his sisters room, throwing open the door. The screaming had stopped but Applejack laid there, still asleep, her cheeks stained with tears as she constantly whispered over and over again “I’m sorry...I’m so sorry”
Out on her balcony, Princess Luna stood under the bright light of the moon, observing the night and all the ponies dreams. With a sorrowful heart she slowly turned her head over towards Sweet Apple Acres. “Oh Applejack…” Princess Luna wept.
~***~
Applejack woke up to a wet pillow and roosters crowing to the morning Sunrise. She started to shake as images of her nightmare came into her mind’s eye. “Get a hold of yer self Applejack. It was just a dream” She tried to force it to the back of her head as she staggered out of bed and headed to the shower.
She opened the door and to her surprise the water was already on. “Oh excuse me.” She went to turn around but heard a familiar, soft laugh. She opened up the shower curtain and to her surprise and horror, there was Rainbow Dash, broken and covered in blood. The water from the shower washed down her cyan coat, washing some of the blood down the drain. She smiled. Several of her teeth were missing.
“Join me?”
Applejack screamed herself awake. She sat straight up, her chest rising and falling in rapid movements. Her heart was nearly beating out of her chest. A rooster crowed as the first light of the day began to shine in through her window. Her eyes darted around her room as if to make sure she was alone. After several minutes she threw the covers back and carefully stepped out of bed. She was sweating as if she had been working out in the fields all day. She opened her door and slowly moved towards the shower. The door was open and thankfully the water was not on. She reached out with quaking hooves to pull back the shower curtain. With a sudden jerk, she pulled it open.
Empty.
Her heart was still beating hard in her chest as she let out a sigh of relief and hanged her head. She locked the door behind her, turned on the water and stepped in, trying to wash away the terror that still griped her body.
~***~
After a long, hot shower she dried herself off, grabbed her hat and went downstairs. All the rest of the Apple Family was already seated and trying to enjoy their breakfast as best they could. She gathered herself up some pancakes and sat down offering a weak smile to her family. “Mornin’ y'all.”
Big Mac, Cheerilee and Apple Bloom all offered her a warm smile. “Mornin’ Sis,” Apple Bloom said with a forced smile.
Applejack looked around the room and hung her head dejectedly. “Ya’ll heard my ruckus this mornin’ didn’t ya?”
Everyone’s eyes went down for a moment before Big Mac spoke up. “Eeyup” he said softly.
Applejack was glad that Big Mac and Cheerilee's filly had spent the night at a friends house and hadn't been around to hear her. Hazel Blossom was a sweetheart and innocent. She didn't need to be hearing Applejack screaming like a mad mare.
“Ugh...Ah’m sorry ya’ll. Last night was really bad. Hadn’t had one like that in a while. Ah’m real grateful ya’ll let me move back into my old room a few months back, but maybe I should go move back into Rainbow and mah’s old house. I won’t be near the bother over there.”
Everyone nearly spoke up at once and with the same answer “No!” Applejack sat there stunned for a few moments before Cheerilee spoke up first. “I think what we all mean to say is that the last thing you need is to be cooped up in that house alone. You’re an Apple and this will always be your home, no matter what. Isn’t that right Big Mac?”
“Eeyup”
“Couldn’t have said it better mahself!” Apple Bloom declared. “Beside’s since granny passed away, it’s good to have someone back at home that can cook.”
Cheerilee looked over at Apple Bloom and raised an eye brow. Apple Bloom laughed nervously and quickly added “Not that yer cookin’s bad Cheerilee, it just ain’t like granny’s or Applejacks.” She smiled the most innocent smile she could muster and cleared her throat. “Whoa, you know what? Look at the time. I gotta get to work. That barn ain’t gonna fix itself! Seeya later everypony!” With that she grabbed her tools and was out the door.
Cheerilee sighed and looked over at Big Mac, “My cooking isn’t that bad is it?” Big Mac knew there was only one right answer if he desired to keep peace in his marriage”
“Eenope”
She smiled and gave him a nuzzle before going back to her breakfast. Everyone sat in silence before Mac spoke up first. “So, ya got any plans today AJ, besides work?”
Applejack shrugged. “The girls have been wantin’ to get together for awhile. I just ain’t found the time to do it. Farm to run and all.
“Make time,” Big Mac said after swallowing another bite of his breakfast. “If ya want to go see yer friends, I can cover the chores till ya get back”
Applejack reached behind her head and scratched the back of her neck nervously. “Ah don’t know if that's such a good idea. Work keeps my mind as much off my problems as possible. Besides, when ah’m with the girls, it just don’t feel right. Not without Rainbow.
“Ya spent plenty of time with em’ while she was away with the Wonderbolts. Just think of it like that.” Big Mac said in a matter of fact tone.
“I guess…Alright, maybe I’ll head on into town later this afternoon. Right now, ah need to get to work. ah’ll see ya outside Mac.” With that Applejack excused herself from the table, leaving her breakfast untouched and headed out the door.
~***~
The rest of the morning went on as uneventful as possible. Cheerilee left to teach her class, Big Macintosh was out in the south field, while Applejack tended to her trees, hauled some empty baskets to the barn and baled some hay; though with every chore there came a memory. When she tended her trees and heard a noise above her, she looked on instinct for that cyan mare who used to take naps on the branches. As she hauled the baskets, she thought of the many times Rainbow Dash would be her company as she worked, and as she baled the hay in the loft of the barn she thought about all those romantic nights up there, just the two of them. Sometimes they would talk, sometimes make out and sometimes (more often than not) would end up making love. These were the thoughts and memories that Applejack simply could not escape.
When it finally came time to take a break, she went inside and made herself a sandwich and poured a tall glass of water. She laid her hat on the table and sat down. As she ate she looked up at the clock. 2:30pm. The girls would be meeting up at the cafe’ around three. They always did on Tuesdays. She thought about what Mac said about ‘making time’ to go see her friends and that it would be good for her. It had been over a month since she saw them all as a group. Aside from the occasional check in from a concerned party, they pretty much learned to leave her alone with her grief. That didn’t sit right with Applejack.
She finished her meal, slapped her hat back on her head and left a note on the Icebox for Mac, telling him she had gone into town.
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The first paragraph suffers from a bit of tell don't show, but you rectified that happily.
if I had to make a reccomendation I would suggest that Rainbows death be revealed through dialouge with Big Mac and AJ, though that's just personal opinion. Overall, nice work, have a like and a watch for the story!
6423312
Thanks for the comment and idea's! I was worried about having -too- much dialogue between Big Mac and AJ because of how usually quiet Big Mac is, but I can see your reasoning. This may be something I come back and revisit. I really appreciate the feedback!
6424968
No problem! Heck, I might actually suggest Granny Smith or Applebloom, since their a bit more talkative and all.
It just.
Damn.
That freaky bathroom Rainbow Dash is my new nightmare fuel.