We had some lunch in the early afternoon. Iridium seemed to have gotten over any lingering feelings he may have had regarding my status as an extraterrestrial. The club wasn’t open yet, and since Iridium had more time to work than if a customer was ordering, the feast he laid out for the group was probably the most extravagant meal I had ever seen in Equestria.
Iridium, Vinyl, Octavia, Gilda, Jenna, and I sat around a few tables that had been pushed together. Despite the fact that we now had just over two days to find the killer, the conversation was kept light and I was happy to find the meal very relaxing.
Honestly, talking business might have been difficult. With Gilda in the room, we couldn’t cover the finer points of the case, such as the Lunar Guard’s role. Iridium took the news about Jenna and I pretty well, but he was also the most calm pony I had ever met.
I realized that I didn’t really know Gilda that well. As a regular at The Metronome, maybe Octavia or Iridium were on more familiar terms. Still, Gilda was friendly enough and seemed committed to the cause.
That raised another question; why? Other than maybe protecting us, what stake did Gilda have in this? For what reason was she so intent on getting the chance to stand up to a serial killer and maybe to Little Puffy Joe and the presumably bad ponies who worked for him?
I glanced to the side, seeing Jenna talking animatedly with Vinyl and Octavia. Whether it was her intent or not, the pair of musicians were at least tolerating each other for Jenna’s sake. All three seemed to be swapping stories about whatever they had in common. That pretty much came down to two things: show business and me. Still, I was happy for them.
Gilda was eating slowly, probably feeling a little left out. I gave her a tentative smile and said, “Sorry for getting you involved in this.”
She looked up and shrugged good naturedly. “It’s okay. You needed the help.”
“I wouldn’t want to take you away from anything.”
Gilda chuckled. “I work at a gym coaching meatheads every day. This feels like an adventure.”
“As long as they’re okay with you taking time off.” I don’t know why I was so worried about it. My problems were bigger than that.
Gilda seemed to appreciate my concern though. “It’s okay, really.”
Changing the subject, I asked, “So what do you know about Little Puffy Joe?”
“I’ve heard his name around. From what I understand, he’s kind of a cripple. He can’t fly and only puffs smoke. Still, he’s the only dragon around and influential enough that ponies are willing to work with him, even if it’s only for the money.”
“What do the police have on him?” I asked.
Gilda shrugged. “I don’t know anything about the police.”
She glanced down at the end of the table where Octavia, Vinyl, and Jenna were still absorbed in conversation and then looked back at me. “So who’s Curtain Call? A friend of yours?”
I smiled. “My best friend.”
Gilda seemed to relax slightly. “So tell me why you and all your friends are doing this again - citizens trying to catch a serial killer?”
“It’s... complicated.” I shook my head. “I’d rather not talk about it.”
There was a question in Gilda’s eyes and I could tell that she wanted to pry, but restrained herself. I steered the conversation back to where it was earlier. “So we were talking about Joe. Do you know what he does? Any idea why this killer is going after his associates?”
Gilda put on a thoughtful look. “Well, somepony killing criminals sounds like a vigilante, not a serial killer.”
I paused. “How did you know criminals were dying?”
Gilda chuckled. “Well, who else would Joe associate with? I’m right, aren’t I?”
I nodded. My question hadn’t been of suspicion, only mild surprise that she had guessed. “That angle hasn’t appeared in the newspaper.”
“Could be a lot of reasons for that,” Gilda speculated. “Maybe the police haven’t told the reporters about that kind of connection. Maybe they don’t want to move the population to actually support this kind of thing. If this vigilante gets famous, who knows what could happen.”
“Miller the Killer,” I muttered.
“Huh?” Gilda glanced at me. “Where’d you hear that?”
“Canterlot. That happened a few months ago; somepony took down a drug ring.”
“I think I remember something about that.” Gilda shrugged.
I couldn’t resist a little self-indulgence. “The police never caught him.”
“Well, I hope we do better than that,” Gilda said.
Iridium appeared at my shoulder, interrupting my line of thought. He had been alternating between tending to the rest of us and eating his own meal. “Somepony’s at the door and wants to speak to you, Millie.”
“Who?”
“It’s a Lunar Guard.”
I got up. Gilda gave me an inquiring look, but remained in her seat. I moved around the table, stepping around my giggling wife who was becoming fast friends with Vinyl and Octavia.
Pushing open the door, I stepped outside. Sure enough, the batpony was there waiting for me. I hoped this wasn’t too important so I could go back in and get out of the cold as soon as possible.
There was something off about him today. He didn’t look like an ass. In fact, was that some kind of shame or nervousness I spotted on his face. Rather than immediately tearing into him about the three days - well, now two - I had left, I warily asked, “What is it?”
“I need to come clean with you.” He paused and looked away for a moment. “I really shouldn’t be here telling you this, so I’ll make it quick.”
He heaved a sigh as if preparing himself. “The project is going to be shut down in two days. The only way you can stop that is by getting results; catching the killer.”
“What project?”
“When you first came to Canterlot months ago it was a mistake, right? Since then, the magic was refined and this time it was on purpose, a spell specifically targeted for you.”
I broke in. “What about my wife?”
“I’ll get to that.” He gave me a look and went back to his story. “This is a very secret and experimental project that very few ponies in Equestria know about.”
“A project to kidnap me,” I broke in again.
Surprisingly, I still hadn’t managed to antagonize the Guard. He nodded. “It was decided that your results in Canterlot might be applied to Manehattan in order to catch this serial killer.”
“What happened in Canterlot was an accident. I was just a regular guy trying to go through life and then this happened. I’m not some sort of super universe-hoping badass justice-spreader.”
The stallion considered his next statement for a moment. “I realize that. Not only isn’t this part of your skill set, but it was wrong to bring you here without your consent.”
“You’re damn right it was!”
The Lunar Guard took half a step back and held up a hoof. “Look, don’t kill the messenger. I’m only telling you all this because I agree with you. Maybe the project had the idea that we would only bring in some sort of automaton, not a honest-to-Luna sapient creature. If any of this gets out - the fact that we inadvertently made contact with another world and then experimented on it - the uproar would be huge. That’s part of why the project is being shut down.”
I bit my lip, thinking hard. “And what if I succeed in bringing down this killer? Does that make the project a success? Will it continue? With me or anyone else from my world?”
“I...” He shook his head. “I don’t know. I’d like to think not. It isn’t very accurate, as evidenced by the inadvertent transfer of your wife. It also causes memory loss.”
“I noticed,” I said dryly. “So if it’s a bad project, why don’t you just send us home now and forget about it.”
The Guard hesitated. “There’s been talk about a fire sale - everything must go. If you can’t at least get some return, I’m afraid they might just bury any evidence that you existed.”
That wouldn’t be hard. I had no ID or records. The problem was, I couldn’t tell if that meant the government would just ignore me or hunt me down. I was suddenly too afraid to ask.
“Now you know the stakes.” The Guard sighed deeply, as if releasing a heavy load. He started to turn, as if wanting to get as far away from this as possible.
“Hey wait,” I called. “You’re with the Lunar Guard. Does that mean Luna is involved?”
He stopped. “I’ve never heard her say anything about it. Truthfully, I don’t know if she’s aware. She doesn’t sign off on every project. There are a lot of other ponies in high places in the government who would take a hit if this came out.”
“What if I went to the press with this?” I asked. “They can’t just sweep me under the rug and pretend that this didn’t happen.”
“The reporters would think you’re crazy,” he advised. “Even if they ran the story just imagine what would happen. The whole planet would be different with the knowledge that we can reach into other universes by using spells. What could happen if that magic fell into the wrong hooves? Furthermore, just what kind of ramifications would that have for your world?”
“Well, what do you want me to do?” I demanded, my voice rising again. “Does an easy choice even exist? Who am I supposed to complain to if it isn’t your fault? Where is your boss? Who’s leading the project?”
The Guard looked away. “I... I can’t give you that. I’m sorry. What happened to you is wrong, but you’re one pony. I have the rest of Equestria to think about.”
He turned again, spreading his wings. I started after him. “Wait! You can’t tell me this and then just leave! How am I supposed to catch this killer?”
Ignoring me, he took off. “Come back! HELP ME!”
I kept screaming at the stallion until was out of sight, but he never looked back.
So they found out they screwed up and kidnapped him on accident, fixed their mistake and sent him home.
Then they had another problem, kidnapped him on purpose this time, his wife too, and now are threatening to strand them both there if he doesn't fix their problem NOW.
Man, these ponies are dicks.
Still wishing bad things to happen to them, only now I wish less harm on that bat-pony and more on those in charge.
Maybe 20/80 suffering.
Oh the joys of corrupt politics. Yay!
Every time this updates my face lights up.
2768687
not just strand them there .. threaten to make them disappear ...
The absolute least they should do is fix part of their mistake and send his wife home but that aint going to happen either... assholes
Wow.
*Oh look, we accidentally brought a sapient creature here. This entire thing is a mistake, and in order to avoid hurt feelings, lets get rid of him.
Them fat bald bastards. I'm gonna hit 'cha.
2768687
So agree with you. So much anger.
2768687
May I suggest interspecies war?
As in, humanity vs ponies? Maybe the G8 was on Miller's case all along and have some agents in Equestria helping him?
Oh, okay. Too drastic? I see.
I'll think about other ways.
I sorta want to see an AU where Millie fails his/her mission and DOES get stranded in Equestria. The government tries to brush him under the rug, but he escapes and goes into hiding. A few years later, he embarks on a crazed mission for justice, and we have something along the lines of V for Vendetta in Equestria. >_>
If Earth did go to war, let's do a rough tally of the world's military might (attained from third party sources, not 100% accurate, but enough to make a point):
Combined Naval Strength
~22 Carriers
~442 Submarines
~144 Destroyers
~419 Frigates
~465 Mine Warfare Craft
~3,148 Patrol Craft
~1,003 Amphibious Assault Craft
Combined Ariel Strength
~64,609 Aircraft
(~20,997 Helicopters)
Combined Ground Strength
~17,675,407 Active Military Manpower
~30,423,322 Active Reserve Manpower
~98,995 Tanks
~192,253 APC/IFV
~78,861 Towed Artillery
~25,741 Self Propelled Guns (SPG)
~17,921 Rocket Artillery (MLRS)
~94,910 Mortar Systems
~261,289 Anti-Tank Weapondry
~67,235 Anti-Air Weapondry
~808,514 Logistical Vehicles
Nuclear Weapons Total
~20685 Nuclear Warheads (both active and non-active)
Once you bring wartime production and the number of new volunteers into account, there's no question about it, them ponies are finished.
2770569 Not to mention Chemical and biological warfare.
2770573 The main problem would be getting any of that in a position to attack the ponies when they are the ones with the teleporting capabilities.
2770573
Humanity.
War is what we do, and damn, do we do it right.
2771394 that's why we have snipers.
2771394 Plus the ponies don't seem to be the type to use guerrilla warfare
2771827 I meant more along the lines of, they are in another universe and we can't get to them. Unless we find a way to predict when and where they are going to be, we can't fight them. And if things go our way too often, they can stop for a while and rethink their strategy.
2771843 Who's to say our governments don't have inter-dimensional travel? And even with teleporting abilities, local police could deal with any squads they may send. I say magic is impossible in our universe so once they get here the Unicorns lose their magic and are trapped until someone from their side opens up another portal, not to mention even with magic our weapons will kick their ass any day.
I hate when stories make the magic OP, if you actually pay attention to the show; ponies can't do much with it, Twilight was barely able to lift the Ursa Minor with magic, and her special talent is magic! The Unicorn Guard aren't going to sit there and throw a tank battalion into Low Earth Orbit, hell they won't even be able to lift a single tank! The best Twilight could do would be like two tanks at a time, absolutely maxed. The Elements only get rid of evil, and an army fighting for its homeland are the good guys, so no Elements blast every single human into space bull.
Celestia got her ass handed to her by a bug, and she most certainly can't control our sun. Shining Armour's shield would be their strongest bet, but you know what? I bet a few volleys of tank fire and it's done; anything the Unicorn Guard could do would probably be only a personal shield and it'd take less than a full mag to weaken it. (Much like the plasma shields some Covenant have in Halo.)
But like I said, I say magic is impossible in our universe so it doesn't matter. (Even if they did I already said why it's not going to help much.)
And once the world governments learn inter-dimensional travel is possible, how long do you think it'll take them to build their own portals if they needed to quash a threat? A year, maybe two.
If there's one thing humanity is good at; it's war. The Guard can't even stop a serial killer, how do you expect them to take down even the smallest of human armies? Equestria's military is a joke and you know it.
And don't forget the Russian's, once they get involved Equestria is doomed. It's obvious Russian soldiers are self-reproducing. You have a single Russian go into a mile long tunnel and by the time he gets out there are 5 other soldiers beside him. (How else do you explain how in WWII they had such high causalities but yet still had a plethora of men to spare? Self-reproducing Russians, be afraid, very afraid. )
Oh, and we have flying Tigers, victory is assured.
Now unto the story itself.
The Equestrian government is really pissing me off right now. I just want to punch some politicians in the face so badly. They really think that this guy is some fricken solve-all killing machine? So aggravating, I mean can a human government have inter-dimensional technology, like Area 51, or *evil smile* Torchwood? That way if they fail a squad of soldiers takes them back anyway, they don't even have to kill all the Lunar Guards, just bring them back and it'll make me feel better. (Maybe some Guard punching though? )
This is looking better and better, please sir, by all means; continue.
2773258 And If we could travel between universes, then we could nuke them with no consequences
2773258 I just woke up and havent bothered reading all of that, but I'm sure you made some points; some good, some I would argue. Good morning btw
2775450 Good morning, yes I went on a rant to make sure I've covered all ze bases.
2776003 I only read some, but you put in many speculations such as our possible teleporting tech and their possible lack of magic.
2776086 I've put those in yes, but after that I put in how even if they did have magic, it's not as OP as people think it is. At least it's not in the show, but who ever thought of using canon stuff?
2776093 If we are going canon, then what happens if they move OUR celestial bodies? our sun and moon? We could get fucked over from that.
2776098 I've mentioned that. I say they can't, after all how do we even know if Equestria's sun is normal? And even if it is, if Celestia comes over to Earth to control our sun she won't be able to control the Equestrian sun. And once that happens their current solar model would hurl Equestria into deep space once gravity works again, so they'll all die. The end.
2776106 BUT, they have up to 4 alicorns now, Celestia moved both the sun and moon for a thousand years. Luna could come over, move the moon, and our water levels would change, weather would screw up, maybe disasters would slow down any response against them.
2776118 And who's going to stop a sniper from taking Luna out from a mile and a half away? Magic works from line-of-sight in the show most of the time, and 1.5 miles you're not going to see the sniper or muzzle flash. And the ponies are more than likely not going to even know what a sniper is until Luna is missing half her head.
Even then, that's only if they could control out stuff. I personally think magic won't work on Earth because we have different laws of physics.
2776133 Well, if magic doesnt work, then we would never see them as a threat, just a group of beings for study. And with our laws of physics and nature, their bodies wouldn't work. Their eyes are too large for their heads, their heads are oddly proportioned to their bodies. Their heads don't even have enough room for a large enough brain for sentience.
2776157 Actually the brain part isn't true. First you mean sapience, not sentience, and that depends of the brain's structure and development not size. While they have large eyes, the laws of physics doesn't say that they can't have large eyes, or a large head. There's a difference between what is physically possible and what is the average among our animal species.
Just because our animals don't have big eyes doesn't make it impossible, although Pegasi won't be able to fly being they use magic to fly, according to the show itself, their wings are too small.
But yes, we would not see them as a threat, only something to study and cuddle.
2776174 If what you are saying is true, then I have butchered the use of sentience and sapience.
A lot of the human brain is devoted to vision, and our species is pretty smart (well, not all of our species); how large a brain do you need to have anything really? Apparently dinosaurs had tiny brains, but some were freaking clever.
2776204 Most people confuse sapience/sentience, basically, sentience just means an animal can perceive the world around it through sight, touch, audio, taste, and scent. Sapience actually means being able to question the world around you, to understand how things work and why, etcetera, etcetera.
But yea you don't need a big brain to be sapient, it depends on how developed it is, technically a mouse could be sapient if it had a really developed brain, like 100x more developed than the human brain, but it's not impossible.
I'm glad we're no longer arguing, besides ponies wouldn't wage war with us anyway. At least not the canon ones, in some people's fics; most notably TCB, ponies can be downright Hitler level evil.
2776238 Speaking of Hitler, how much hate/love would a pony Hitler in Equestria get? Him leading the ponies against all other races. Or ponies coming to Earth during WW2 and being fooled by Hitler into helping him, only to be betrayed later.
2776246 If it's actually our Hitler who's been ponified and tries to take over the Equestrian world, I'd read the hell out of that. As long as Octavia doesn't die .
But yes, that would be interesting as all hell to read, if you were planning on writing it; GET STARTED NOAW.
2776266 I have been planning on writing stories, I'll add it to the list of story ideas.
2776270 I have a mental list of things I wanna write, but then I remember it takes me long enough to update my current story and having two or more to worry about would be scary.
2776277 Ha, I didn't even check if you had stories, the "TCB: Welcome to Earth, we hope you enjoyed your bombing... err stay" looks interesting.
2776289 That one is pure stupidity, you have been warned.
2776296 Those are the best ones.
I think this is supposed to be "universe-hopping".
Everything else is wonderful! I can't stop!
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
2768687
This sums up my feelings exactly. What idiot thought this plan was a good idea? It's like randomly enslaving a citizen of the Griffon Empire and then saying 'Fix my problems or else!'. I really wish this conspiracy had more depth to it, but it just seems to be ponies being jackasses. I'm glad Miller told Ice what happened. This seems to be a case of 'the left hoof doesn't know what the right hoof is doing'.