Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that you should NEVER BUY A COMPUTER! THEY ARE A TERRIBLE PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY.
You see, it all started on a Wednesday afternoon...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Uh..Twilight...what is that?" Spike asked, placing his morning cup of coffee on the table as he saw the lavender unicorn walk in, carrying a big brown box with her magic.
"It's one of those new pieces of technology called a computer, it's just came out yesterday." Twilight said cheerfully, placing the box on the table, right next to Spike's coffee.
Spike sighed and said, "Please tell me you didn't buy it." Twilight rolled her eyes.
"Of course I bought it! It will be a great new source of information!" she said, humming as she pulled the screen out.
"It's so shiny!" she said, staring at it. She giggled with excitement.
"Give me a break..." Spike muttered under his breath. As Twilight put the computer on her desk, Spike drank his coffee. He glared at the new piece of technology.
"You can do whatever you want today, Spike. I'll be busy testing out this computer." Twilight said. Spike lightened up at that. He quickly slurped down his coffee, thinking: I can hang out with Rarity! He put his cup in the kitchen sink and ran out the door.
Twilight rolled her eyes once more and said, "Baby dragons..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once the computer was set up and loaded, Twilight saw a tab that said Internet Explorer She became curious and clicked it. The screen light up with light as the page loaded. Twilight waited and a something popped up on the screen.
No Internet Connection
"Oops...forgot to buy Wi-Fi..." Twilight said sheepishly.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Yes! I bought some Wi-Fi!" Twilight said, bursting into her library. Spike looked up from his news paper.
"Yeah, and it's almost seven at night." Spike grumbled. Twilight looked at the clock.
"I've been gone for five hours?" she asked, shocked. Spike nodded and returned to his news paper.
"Heh..oops." the unicorn said, she sat down and began to put together the Wi-Fi. Spike looked up once more, looking confused.
"What in the name of Celestia is that for? Didn't you just buy a computer?" He asked.
Twilight shook her head and said, "I did. This thing is called Wi-Fi and it lets me get Internet on my computer."
"So you had to buy a computer and Wi-Fi?" Spike said. Twilight nodded.
"That's pretty dumb. Why doesn't the computer just get Internet? What kind of idiot came up with the Wi-Fi idea?" He said. The whole computer stuff seemed stupid to him.
"Oh hush, Spike." Twilight said, hushing him.
Spike rolled his eyes and said, "Whatever. I'll go read this news paper away from your pathetic piece of technology."
"Sounds good." Twilight said, not paying attention. Spike walked up the stairs, muttering to himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The Wi-Fi is finally set up!" Twilight said, doing a victory dance. She sat down at her desk, turning on the computer. When it was loaded, she clicked Internet Explorer. It loaded almost instantly.
"Woo-hoo!" the unicorn cheered.
She clicked the search bar. What should I type? she thought to herself. She typed in 'friendship' and many things popped up. She scrolled down, exploring. Then she saw something that made her gasp.
Hours Later...
Spike woke up at midnight to hear something playing downstairs.
"What the hay?" he mumbled. Hot got up and walked down stairs. When he reached the bottom, he saw Twilight sitting at her desk, watching the computer screen.
"Twilight? What the-"
"Spike, come look at this!" Twilight said, interrupting him.
"Um...okay?" He said, walking over to Twilight. He saw her watching Discord on the screen.
"Uh, what is this?" He asked, crossing his arms.
"It's us! Someone stalked us on our adventures!" She said, pointing at the screen.
"Twi, that's silly." Spike said, doubting her.
"This is gonna be good on The Hub..." said a voice from the corner. Twilight jumped and hid under her desk. Spike walked over to the voice was coming from, and saw a guy holding a camera.
"...sup?" He asked.
That was the last time the guy stalked anyone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3 A.M.
Twilight was growing bored of her computer. She had watched all the times the dude stalked her an her friends and was bored. So, she typed in 'games'. While scrolling, she saw a link to a game called "Scary Maze Game".
"What's this?" she asked herself, clicking the link. When it loaded, a list of warnings were on the screen. Twilight rolled her eyes and clicked accept, not bothering to read them.
The game was somewhat difficult for her, she clicked on many places but needed up dying an having to re-start. After at least fourteen tries, she finally beated the game.
"I DID IT!" she cheered, preparing for Round Two. Just then, a scary face suddenly popped up on the screen.
"AHHHHHHHH!" Twilight screamed, falling out her chair. Spike ran down stairs when he awoke to hear her scream.
"Twilight! What's going on? Is someone robbing the library?" He asked. Twilight peaked out form under her desk.
"N-no..." She said, shaking.
"Then what?" Spike said. Twilight's response was pointing at the screen. Spike jumped back, a little startled. Then he face-palmed.
"I told you computers were bad news. There's a bunch of bad stuff on there!" He lectured. Twilight got up form the ground and closed the tab.
"It's not all bad." She defended.
"Okay. Fine, whatever. I'm going to bed." Spike said, knowing trying to talk Twilight out of it was hopeless. He walked back upstairs, wondering if he was going to be woken back up.
Would he ever get his precious sleep?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twilight looked at the clock. Five A.M. She convinced herself she wasn't tried, when in reality, she was exhausted. She just didn't want to leave the computer. She was getting bored again, though. She was so bored she looked at random Google Images.
After looking at funny pictures, she typed 'my little pony'. She saw many pictures. A lot of them were her friends on their adventures. She smiled and scrolled. Then she saw something that shocked her.
A picture.
A picture of Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.
KISSING.
She quickly scrolled past it. Whoever drew that is getting bucked... she thought. She scrolled more and saw more pictures of her friends kissing each other.
Rarity and Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, ect.
She thought there wasn't much of a problem after a while. Until she saw it.
Another picture.
Of all of them.
Making out.
And...well...you know...
That was the end of the relationship between Twilight an her computer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
....so I've been scarred for life. Yeah. SCARRED.
DON'T BUY A COMPUTER. IT HAD PICTURES YOU DON'T WANNA SEE AND SOME GUY STALKING US. SO DON'T BUY IT, OKAY?!?!
Ok, bye.
Your Most Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle
~~~~~~~~~~
Up in Canterlot, Luna was signing papers when her sister walked in with a box.
"Sister...what's that?" Luna asked, pointing at the box.
"A computer." Celestia answered.
"Um, didn't Twilight say computers were bad?" Luna asked.
"Well...yeah. But now bad can it be?"
In just two minutes, the computer was beaten with a hammer.
Oh, and I just found out the person who brought a computer to Eqestria has been executed by Princess Celestia.
Well...ok....
Step One in Life:
NEVER bring a computer to Equestria.
LOL
Computers are the work of the devil, I say! That's why I never use 'em.
2297348 Then... How are you on FIMfiction?
I knew where this was going right from the start...
All dem pony pervs out der...
2297490 Does the story upset you? I'm sorry if it does.
2297491
NOPE! I actually liked it both mentally and button wise. Too funny to pass up. I was stating the opinion of others. I actually find the idea of this fandom getting smutty quite amusing.
Along with some of the rather weird stuff drawn from it...
2297512 Oh, well thank you. I found that picture for the story and BAM! Inspiration xD
2297522 I guess you could say I'm a rather smutty brony...
2297536 Aren't we all?
s3.favim.com/orig/43/ghost-gusta-face-me-ghosta-me-gusta-Favim.com-363792.jpg felt this need tobe in here
2297842 It fits perfectly here!
Ponies discovering Internet and the horrible things which dwell there. It never gets old
2297896 LOL.
You were offended by something you didn't like on the internet? Sorry, you must be new here. :P
(and btw, I'm kidding here. I know this is for funs.)
2298051
2297449 Mobile.
I wish it was longer and maybe included Cupcakes but oh well... SEQUEL HINT
2298285 oh, nice idea!
2298184Agreed.
This has much more potential to be fleshed out =) You should maybe do a re-write with some of the ideas from the other commenters.
Should be signing. Otherwise... I'm wondering why you didn't incorporate "Banned From Equestria Daily" in here.
YA KNOW...
That wasn't half bad.
TEN OUT OF TEN WOULD READ AGAIN.
...ya know? I kinda want to read a fic from the point of view of the guy who sells Equestria its first computer.
And then we all learned that it was Celestia that drew all those pictures.
Normally I nitpick out the wazoo, even to stories I love greatly...but considering the non-serious nature of this one-shot, that would be pointless. So yeah. Didn't care about the spelling errors (and a few words that were obviously meant to be entirely different words), not going to bother pointing them out. they don't matter.
This was hilarious. Twilight didn't even get to cloppers! I mean, she was basically done just at innocent shipping! I wonder how she would react to a picture of herself in a suggestive pose that emphasized her flanks.
Twilight murdering a stalker and then Celestia having someone executed...lol
(since I find that funny, should I have my head checked? )
And oh my god, Twilight reading CUPCAKES?! I didn't even think of that until another commenter brought it up. (Though I'd rather have Pinkie Pie be the one reading that. Not that I LIKE the idea of Pinkie crying hysterically, but her reaction to something like that would certainly be a soothing relief to anyone who has had the misfortune of sating their curiosity and reading that story.)
2301822
you're wrong... she got to clopping, why do you think it was written: "And... well... you... know...."
that is a reference to "If you know what I mean" which is in itself a way to put your mind in pervert mode. And if you know what R34 is.... then your pervert mode is available. NO EXCEPTION.
2303721
I don't know what R34 is! What is it?