Not normally a FlutterDash fan, but the mention of "lots of wingplay" made me curious. Always good to see other writers tackling that niche.
Anyhoo, I've only finished chapter 1 since I'm about to fall asleep, but I will give you my initial impressions:
Awesome.
I can visualize everything quite well, and the dialogue and action are very natural and well-paced. I felt like I was watching scenes from the show at several points - that's how well you've managed to portray the characters. I'm impressed. I laughed several times, and I'm very interested to see where this goes, clopfic or not.
I'll hopefully have more to share later today when I wake up and read more, but I'm already sold on the quality of your writing. Have a Fav and an Upvote.
But I will point out two things.
1: You need to put another line between the paragraphs. You seem to have it single-spaced instead of double-spaced, which makes it look a bit more busy and harder to read. May want to go back through when you get a chance and try to fix that, if only for aesthetic purposes.
2: I caught one typo.
"I have got impress them too
Forgot the "to."
Oh, and one final thing.
Her embiggened eyes peered out at Dash,
I don't even care that "embiggened" is not a word. It works perfectly here. Besides, Shakespeare made up words all the time, and look how well that worked out for him?
The first chapter was pretty good. It managed to capture my attention and now I am squirming to read about Dash at the spa. I know that should be pretty good. I look forward to reading more of this. Keep up the great writing!
I have to say, your writing here is exceptionally well done. You have a very impressive talent for composition, I'm totally hooked already. I hope to see you write more stories in the future. =)
Not normally a FlutterDash fan, but the mention of "lots of wingplay" made me curious. Always good to see other writers tackling that niche.
Anyhoo, I've only finished chapter 1 since I'm about to fall asleep, but I will give you my initial impressions:
Awesome.
I can visualize everything quite well, and the dialogue and action are very natural and well-paced. I felt like I was watching scenes from the show at several points - that's how well you've managed to portray the characters. I'm impressed. I laughed several times, and I'm very interested to see where this goes, clopfic or not.
I'll hopefully have more to share later today when I wake up and read more, but I'm already sold on the quality of your writing. Have a Fav and an Upvote.
But I will point out two things.
1: You need to put another line between the paragraphs. You seem to have it single-spaced instead of double-spaced, which makes it look a bit more busy and harder to read. May want to go back through when you get a chance and try to fix that, if only for aesthetic purposes.
2: I caught one typo.
Forgot the "to."
Oh, and one final thing.
I don't even care that "embiggened" is not a word. It works perfectly here. Besides, Shakespeare made up words all the time, and look how well that worked out for him?
I read the first chapter so far. The characters are very believable in their interactions. Looks like it's all set up!
The first chapter was pretty good. It managed to capture my attention and now I am squirming to read about Dash at the spa. I know that should be pretty good. I look forward to reading more of this. Keep up the great writing!
This right here. This is how you write a good set-up chapter. Believable Dash is believable, which is always a nice thing.
You sir or madame deserve 5 mustaches and a flutteryay
I have to say, your writing here is exceptionally well done. You have a very impressive talent for composition, I'm totally hooked already. I hope to see you write more stories in the future. =)
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Don't know what this guy was on about. Embiggened is a perfectly cromulent word.