1,666 words

pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2604-Luna_saw_what_you_did_there.jpg

And what would happen if he had a premature release along with another villain?

he had a premature release along with another villain?

premature release

Hmmm... Foreshadowing?

2214735 It was an accident, I swear. I really didn't mean to do that, I just wrote and published.

2214746 That kinda makes it cooler.

One more thing, that was hot.

I wish I could see their faces at the end

I'll read anything with Sombra. And I do mean anything.

*slow clapping* the ending was priceless.

That ending:
My reaction:s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/terminal05/2012/6/2/11/anigif_enhanced-buzz-25969-1338649886-8.gif
Celestia, Luna, and Discord's reaction:s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/terminal05/2012/6/2/11/anigif_enhanced-buzz-2442-1338651121-1.gif
Other reactions:i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/201/508/221435NothingtodoHereGifMadethiscuzIwas2479d82822723.gif
Not necessarily my cup of tea, but good job anyway.

moar?

dude more and no affens but you whent to rematic to.... dude if thier is another ch please let it be a 4 way so i can laph my ass off big time

he looked up and saw them mare smirking at him, her serpentine eyes meeting his.

If I may, can I recommend the usage of 'the' instead of 'them'?

He ran his tongue over hers, tracing her own pointed teeth as they fought for control. For a while, they laird there, kissing each other in one another's embrace.

they laird there, kissing each other in one another's embrace.

they laird there,

laird

I will not comment about that one... I know the annoyance all too well.

So, with my notice rolls made and with all said and done, I have to say that I found that ending chuckle worthy and, despite the errors I saw, liked the story a bit more then I thought I would've. Take my thumb and keep at it.

AIEEE YA YOU DISRESPECT UNCLE! * two finger hit*
ONE MORE THING: write more this is good

DAT ENDING

Keep doing that process, it works for you ('');

Mind if I make a sequel to this when I have the time

2220747
Aww yiss. Mothafuking sequel.

2220747 Go ahead, and I'm also writing an alternate ending. With a completely random ending.

Finished first chapter, and that last few sentences almost ruined the whole thing. Thankfully the author's note saved it.