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Pinkie Pie wandered into the Everfree Forest in search of a special ingredient for her best friend's birthday cake. But she gets interrupted as she starts being chased down by a timberwolf. Can she make it out alive? Or will she suffer a painful death?

Chapters (2)

Getting out alive · 4th Mar 2013 · 2,959 words
2,959
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A True True Friend · 20th Mar 2013 · 3,127 words
3,127
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heckler341

heckler341 #1 · Mar 5th, 2013 · · · Getting out alive ·

Well, certainly some very nice imagery and word choice. This might be better suited as a prologue as opposed to the first chapter, though. This feels more like a... dramatic scene, I suppose... than the beginning of a well told story. If I may suggest, it may be a good thing if you added more exposition; that is to say, better set up the story. Why is she there, how did she get there, etc. You did answer some of those questions, but it was in the middle of the action; more like a screenplay, I suppose? It's only my opinion, but it might be better if you did the set up in the beginning, as opposed to the middle of the chapter. Or, if not at the very beginning, among the action!
Overall, I liked it, you set a tone of dread, dark, and fear very well. I'll be watching out for this!
Best of luck!