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Cancelled Fics757 stories ·44 members

Where I'm at

I used to live a happy life in Cloudsdale, I wasn't special or anything, just an ordinary pegasus. I didn't do anything wrong, nor did I do particularly much good. I kept my head down. Then, after a night out with my mare-friend, I had my life wrecked.

This is my first FanFic, So advise/Constructive Criticism is wanted. Thanks.

Chapters (2)

Chapter 2: Face in the dirt · 2nd Feb 2012 · 1,404 words
1,404
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Chapter 1: Head in the Clouds (ReWritten)) · 2nd Feb 2012 · 1,223 words
1,223
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Comments ( 3 )

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deactivatemeplease

deactivatemeplease #1 · Jan 30th, 2012 · · · Head in the Clouds ·

Wow, nice job so far!

Perhaps take some time to describe their emotions, thoughts and surroundings more. Aswell as their history (exception on the Wonderbolt scene, that was done nicely)

Also make the chapters longer please, short ones don't tend to hook much of an audience.

Great job though, looking forward to more!

Satriark

Voodoo x

Voodoo x #2 · Jan 31st, 2012 · · · Head in the Clouds ·

171887 Thanks for the help! I'm almost finished with Chapter 2 (If anyone cares) but I'm gonna re-write the first one before I publish it. Sorry I didn't thank you sooner, I've been falling behind on Course Work and stuff in school so I haven't had much free time. Thanks

StormyVenture