You are suddenly summoned to the wonderful world of equestria to take part in a study about humans. But will your fate be sealed within Equestria forever when Vinyl Scratch, your favorite pony, becomes "interested" in you?
Just an update- to make my life a bit easier with college and rotc, I'm going to schedule chapter updates every wednesday night-thursday morning. I might have a chapter done before that, but probably not after. I'm still working with what little time i have to add to the story, so don't you worry your pretty little heads Thanks a bunch!
You have numerous capitalization errors, not to mention spelling mistakes. The speed with which you have Twilight acting like a horny teenager is, quite frankly, appalling. I'm sticking this out in the hopes you improve, but my patience is only so enduring.
For the second time today, your deep thinking made you lose your sense of direction and your ran face first into the front door of Twilight's tree house. "Alex, are you okay? That's the second time today that sort of thing's happened." Twilight teased. You turned to her and gave her a humorous "No shit" look, making her giggle at you. "After you, Derpy" Twilight teased again, opening the front door for you.
That is the highlight of this chapter. Everything else is par except for that line. It's...just gold. Gold. If I tried to explain it this is what will come out: qpeoitybzmbrohtpqpoizhjrkjtbyfjbyhjeo.
That has to be the first sign for someone that knows my little pony should know what a room in pinch blackness in it, he should have known that is a pinkie pie party for everyone's first time in ponyville. Very good story though.
First clue to a party: most the ponies are missing from town Second clue: No sign of Pinkie all day despite her obviously being warned you were coming weeks ahead of time. Third and final clue: You end up in a dark room on your first day of moving into town.
Some were larger stallions that even reach up to your shoulders,
But you get an all-together different reaction than you expected.
"Oh, I sent it back to the castle, don't tell anypony I said this, but I really don't like wearing it." Twilight said with a *squee*.
You felt like an idiot now for asking such an obvious question to somepony like Twilight.
"Wait, what? No magic? How? That can’t be right..."
"Well...yeah, I did, but nothing that I've ever read mentioned anything about magic, so I just assumed... I'm sorry Alex, that must be awful... Not being able to use magic at all..."
"Ooh my, a what a charmer!" Rarity complimented you, turning her face away from you and blushing slightly.
Or rather, they would be plain if they weren't covered in jewels of every shape size and color.
maybe if I take some length off here
good at reading body language but sometimes it would lead you to becoming paranoid
and you ran your face first into the front door of Twilight's tree house.
I gotta say, using Derpy's name as an insult is really unpleasant. I have no idea what this means on the rest of the setting, but that's a rather sour note.
It seems alright so far.
Moar plz ^_^
Just an update- to make my life a bit easier with college and rotc, I'm going to schedule chapter updates every wednesday night-thursday morning. I might have a chapter done before that, but probably not after. I'm still working with what little time i have to add to the story, so don't you worry your pretty little heads Thanks a bunch!
I noticed the odd punctuation error but other than that, I enjoyed the chapter!
Just missing a closing speech mark here.
welp, things are getting interesting. what could possibly happen next?
You have numerous capitalization errors, not to mention spelling mistakes.
The speed with which you have Twilight acting like a horny teenager is, quite frankly, appalling.
I'm sticking this out in the hopes you improve, but my patience is only so enduring.
....not sure what to say other than good chapter
Please fix the errors!
A deserted town. Twilight's evasiveness. The first thought that came into my head.
If I did not know better that bit with rarity as she sized me up made me want to whisper stranger danger
3862240 party?
To be honest, I'm a bit annoyed by all the 'everypony' corrections. Everyone works just fine, considering it's a blanket term.
4635924 Equestrian logic
I can sense the cheesyness lines within this fanfic
"I'm coming!" Rarity yells. Don't take that out of context xD anyway good story man!
That is the highlight of this chapter. Everything else is par except for that line. It's...just gold. Gold. If I tried to explain it this is what will come out: qpeoitybzmbrohtpqpoizhjrkjtbyfjbyhjeo.
I'm calling it, first line of next chapter is the lights coming on and Pinkie screaming "Surprise muthabucka!"
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It's kinda funny I just can't bring myself to hit the like and bring it above 777 even if the story is great so far.
When we party we will party hard.
Next chapter is going to party
That has to be the first sign for someone that knows my little pony should know what a room in pinch blackness in it, he should have known that is a pinkie pie party for everyone's first time in ponyville. Very good story though.
First clue to a party: most the ponies are missing from town
Second clue: No sign of Pinkie all day despite her obviously being warned you were coming weeks ahead of time.
Third and final clue: You end up in a dark room on your first day of moving into town.
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I gotta say, using Derpy's name as an insult is really unpleasant. I have no idea what this means on the rest of the setting, but that's a rather sour note.