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I think I've died twice and gone to heaven...2,527 words
He said it! He actually said it!2,644 words
Ground rules.1,567 words

I think I've died twice and gone to heaven...

I slung my book-bag down onto the floor next to the computer chair, sighing I smiled knowing I should have some new comments. But then frowned when I realized they were probably grammar Nazis polluting the comment section.

"Alright, let's see what we have for today." I said, typing the website name in. It came up seconds later, no comments but one message. "Oh goodie." I rolled my eyes.

I clicked on it, only, there was no name.

"Oh great, a hacker." I said sarcastically. "Fake FBI page in three... Two... What the?"

I leaned in towards the screen, I was watching a message type itself. Not only that, but now my vision was getting darker.

I rubbed my eyes but that only seemed to make it worse, when I started to feel a chill, that's when I got worried.

"Ok, am I having a mental issue or am I just hungry?" I sat there momentarily, squinting as the cold began to blow towards the screen. "Both."

I would have been blinded had it not been for the darkness clouding my vision, but thankfully, I was alright. Physically atleast. Mentally, I was terrified as I felt myself being drawn towards the screen by a very strong force.

Right as I lifted out of my chair, I grabbed the nearest things closest to me. The computer mouse and my book-bag.

Not soon after, I felt numb, I couldn't see and to top it all off I heard people screaming. Only, I actually knew them.

"Isiaih! Is that you!" I called out.

"Matt! What did you do!?" He yelled back. Angry at me, as expected.

"I can't even see! How the hell should I know!? Hey, who's with you!?"

"I don't know! Let me-shit!"

And now, I could feel and see again. It didn't look all that good.

I landed in a bloody tree, an apple tree to be exact. Somehow, I hit every branch on the way down, and then I landed on the ground. Luckily, it was soft with very few rocks.

With a groan, a few mental curses, audible curses and some stretching, I raised my abused body up and looked around.

"Damn, it looks like Dr. Seuss threw up here and then made things look relatively real." I said, looking around the technicolor landscape. "Wait, if the colors look like this... Then that means!"

Cue heart attack now.

"Ohh... What the hell happened?" Isiaih groaned.

I looked over and my mouth hung loosely, I barely held back a gut-wrenching laugh as I saw him.

"Isiaih, I have bad news and worse news. Just don't open your eyes." I said.

"O-Ok... What's the bad news?" He asked, his voice still shaky.

"The bad news is, your a pegasus."

He opened his eyes and squinted, looking down they widened and his face went to horror to 'your so fucking dead' as he looked back at me. And then it went to confusion, but he was still angry.

"Matt, what are you?" He asked. "And what's the worse news?"

I took a momentary glance down and saw two different legs, arms and a narrow coat of fur. I shrugged and looked up. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head as I began to smile, looking over my new body.

"Dude! I'm a draconequus!" I yelled happily. "And if your a pony, and I'm this, then that means..." I let the thought settle. "And the worse news is, is that you somehow survived."

My friends face was once again coated in horror.

"Were in Equestria!" I finished. "Were in the show! I can't believe this, I just cant and yet here I am!" I said, smiling.

"What did you do!?" He yelled angrily.

"What? What did I do? What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, looking back at him.

"Your the brony and now were in fricken magic pony land! I just know this is your fault!" He continued to yell.

"Hey! I was literally blind when this happened!" I defended myself. "How was I supposed to even register what happened?"

"You know what, I'm done." He said. "Let's find someone to talk to, get us home and turn me back."

"You can go back, I already love it here!" I said. "Hey, wheres the other guy that was falling with us?"

Isiaih looked around, as I looked my head hit a branch and something in denim. I reached up with a paw and pulled an idol of mine down.

"Isiaih! Do you know who this is!?" I said, jumping on the spot. "It's Gandalf the blue! The baglady74! The Non-brony commentary guy!"

Isiaih merely glared at me.

'I think he's pissed.' I thought. 'Defiantly pissed.'

"If I could kill you, I would." He said.

"Just shut up and try to walk. I'll carry our unconscious friend."

As I hoisted the brunette onto my back, I watched in humor as my friend tried to stand on four legs. After it got boring, he finally stood and tried to walk. With a roll of my eyes, I picked him up and began our trek. Isiaih cursing and punching me with his hooves.

With my signature, 'I'm not in the mood and bored with life' look on my face, I saw a familiar sight ahead. I gave an audible gulp as I approached the picnic table.

With the Element bearers sitting at it.

"-And that was just horrible." Rarity said. "And another thing... T-Twilight..." Her face became even more paled. "Discord!"

Twilight turned around and saw me.

To say I wasn't fucking scared of her, would be an understatement.

"Don't kill me!" I yelled, now holding my temporarily immobile friend in front of me. "Kill him! I just got here!"

"Discord! How did you escape!?" Twilight yelled.

"I'm not Discord! Look at me!" I yelled. "My body parts, my voice and I'm sure my height are completely different! I haven't done anything!"

In a flash the elements were there. I was frozen with fear and joy.

Mainly fear as she took them out.

"C-Cant we talk about this?" I asked, setting my friend and Gandalf to the side. "This is just a mistake of... Identity." My eyes grew in a distant memory. "Pinkie! Get Pinkie! She knows everyone!"

Twilight stopped, squinting at me.

"Pinkie, is that really Discord?" She asked.

In a sudden moment, I was pinned to the ground as the pink mare stared at me.

"P-Please... I don't want to be turned to stone or banished to the moon. I'm not Discord; if I was, wouldn't I have started causing-"

And then she licked me across the face. She fucking licked me!

"Oh god!" I started to spit, wiping my mouth. "My mouth was open! Ooh, I can taste cotton candy. I love it, but it's still gross."

"He's not Discord!" Pinkie said. "Discord smells like white fudge. He smells like onions and ranch dressing!"

"Pinkie... Why did you just lick him?" Twilight asked.

"I don't know. he's just so cute!"

'Shit. Pinkie's flirting with me. Not good.' I thought. "Now that that's out of the way, why not start with introductions? And not kill or banish each other please?" I said, trying to remain calm.

"Fine." Rarity said. "I'm-"

"Rarity." I interrupted, kneeling as I kissed her hoof. "A pleasure my lady."

She blushed and gave a curt nod. Now, Twilight was up.

"My name is Twilight Sparkle," she said. "This is Rarity, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy. So, who are you?"

"Well I'm Matthew." I said. "This is Isiaih, and Gandalf the blue. Who is currently coming into consciousness."

The brunette got up, reaching up he rubbed his head.

"Where the hell am I?" He said.

Cue heart attack number two.

"Gandalf, don't freak out, but your in Equestria." I said. "I am not kidding. Now, remain calm since the element bearers are present. And they do have the Elements of Harmony."

He blinked a few times before standing, once his vision had cleared in my perspective. His mouth dropped, looked at me and Isiaih and promptly fell back.

"Shit... Now he's fainted." I groaned. "So, why not get to know each other as we wait for him to wake up and not freak out? Sound good? Ok!" I said, sitting crossed legged.

"Weird pony things!" Isiaih yelled. "Can either of you change me back?"

"Change you back?" Twilight asked. "What do you mean? You weren't a pony before?"

"No I was not dipshit!" He yelled. "I was turned into a pony! And I hate it!"

She furrowed her brow at him. And now he just pissed off the element of magic.

"Twilight!" I said, blocking her path to him. "He's just extremely angry because he's here, forgive his language and attitude."

She nodded and sat back down at the table, watching us.

I scooted Isiaih onto a free spot and carried Gandalf over. Now, we all just sat in an awkward silence.

"So," Applejack began. "What brings ya here to Equestria?"

"As far as I know," I replied. "I have no clue. I went temporarily blind when it happened. Isiaih, what happened to you?"

"I was going to play Halo 4, when, a blue portal comes out of my screen and sucks me in. And now, I'm here, a stupid pony, surrounded by stupid ponies and I'm with you!" He said angrily, attempting to either reach for the salt or my neck.

"Right." She nodded.

My stomach growled loudly.

'Nice to know I'm still a bottomless pit.' I grinned. "So, I can see you own an apple orchard. Awesome."

"Well thank ya kindly. Not many ponies compliment the orchard." She smiled.

"Hey! Matt!" Pinkie said.

I instinctively leaned my head as far back and as high as I could.

"Yes?" I replied. 'Don't lick me. Don't lick me. Don't lick me.'

"Can you do any sort of magic too? You know, like when Discord snapped his weird claw or paw? Well, can you!?"

The thought never hit me until now.

I slowly raised my hand in front of my face, looking at it just as Indiana Jones looked at the Holy Grail.

"I have no godly idea." I replied.

Slowly, covering my face with my... Flipper? Screw it. I snapped my paw's digits.

"What the hell!" Isiaih yelled. "I knew you did something!"

I uncovered my eyes and saw Isiaih now human again. He had his white hoodie on, a grey shirt, a pair of jeans. I even got his slightly tanned skin color down.

My eyes widened as I did it again.

"Yes! I love deviled eggs!" I said as I immediately started shoving them in by two's.

And then I choke, and surprise, surprise and to my horror. Pinkie's already leaning over me, pushing my chest.

'I know what comes next...' I nervously thought.

She leaned down and put her lips to mine. As soon as she did, I felt like a balloon being inflated.

I got a sudden rush of air in my lungs, I bolted up, spitting the partially chewed egg back onto the platter I made.

"Oh... Oh never do that again. Please." I said, rubbing my throat. "Well, can't let this go to waste." And then I picked up the partially eaten egg and thoroughly chewed it this time.

The mares, except for Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie, all made scrunched up their muzzles.

"Hey, I wonder if I could get my book bag?" I thought.

"It's already on you." Isiaih said.

I looked behind me and saw it strapped to my back. I face-flippered.

"So, Twilight, are you going to introduce us to the ruler? Princess Celestia? Or better, princess Luna!"

"Your right! Your the only other Draconequus besides Discord! Is it a good thing that she's actually coming over or what?"

'Coming over? No... This cant get better.' I thought, disbelief and hope rising. "She wouldn't happen to be bringing a guest? Would she?"

"Yes... How did you know?" Twilight asked.

"Because, why else would she come to this backwater town?"

We all turned to Gandalf, who was now awake and standing, arms crossed.

"The hell are you looking at?"

Cue third heart attack. Even if I'm still waiting on the other two.

I stood in awe, as I stared at the black shirted man.

He had a slight curl to his hair, a whitish skin, no facial hair. A black shirt, blue jeans and some grey sneakers.

"Gandalf! Your awake!" I said.

"What? My names not-"

"Do you want to be called by your real name or something awesome?" I said.

"That's not his name?" Twilight asked. "Then what is his name?"

"...The baglady74." He said. "But you can call me Gandalf the blue. Now, lets go meet whoever the hell it is were supposed to meeting and I can watch as the shit hits the fan."

'He must be the past baglady... Than that means I could get to hear his commentary live! I hope he says sun butt...'

"Come on!" Pinkie said. "Let's go!"

"Can't at the moment," Applejack said. "Me and Fluttershy need to go take care of something. Be with yall in a moment."

"Please," I put a paw on her shoulder. "Allow me."

I snapped my flipper and heard the sound of angry beavers. I smiled and helped Isiaih get unstuck from the table. Who knew it was too small for a human?

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