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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
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I like it keep it up.
THE COMPENDIUM ENJOYS THIS TALE THUS FAR. WE ENTHUSIASTICALLY WAIT FOR MORE!
THAT WAS AWESOME!!!
Love the elder scrolls references
I like where this is going. I wonder what kind of sh*tstorm will happen after Celestia and Luna learn thet Discord can travel to other dimensions and cause chaos there wiht out them and the elements to stop him and he can prey on the weak wiht out fear thet somepony will put him down.
Went a bit overboard with the references.
the nine divines sayings are getting annoying
"...Dash flew through the still open door and carried another white pony on her back. "Dash, you can't just ponynap me; there are sick ponies that still need my help." She said, glaring at the pegasus.
"Well we have a sick monkey that needs help here."
"Not monkeys." Martin stage coughed as the unicorn nurse looked at him..."
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110225030840/disney/images/2/22/Fang.jpg
NOT A MONKEY!
(edit; btw, isn't Nurse Redheart an Earth pony? I know she has several coworkers with similar names to her who are Unicorns though...)
Okay, there was way too much Elder Scrolls referencing. I started to get really sick of it. Every once in a while, every couple of chapters, sure. Every other sentence coming out of the guy's mouth? No.
I really WANT to like this, but the constant referencing of Elder Scrolls gods got to the point where I wanted to pound my head against my desk everytime he found some way to make a reference to one. I don't know how much more of this I can take, and I don't know where exactly you were going with this, if it was meant to be funny, I'm sorry, I don't find it so. If it was meant to show his faith, then he's being kind of crazy with it. I mean, faith is all well and good, but if someone throws "praise Jesus" and "Blessed Father" every third word, I probably wouldn't want to spend much time near that person. Since this character is nominally supposed to be building a rapport with me, and I already wince every time he talks, that's a bad thing.
I know it's a bit late at this point, as this is the second chapter in a multi-chapter story, but if I could offer a bit of advice, it would be, tone down the religious dialogue inserts, bro. It was barely cute to begin with, and now it's getting to the point where I don't know how much of the story I'm actually absorbing because it's drawing so much attention away from the story.
2736974 ditto
2350318 Oh Dave the barbarian how I have forgotten that show perfect pic to go with that line.
The Elder Scrolls references were humerous, but so far both chapters feel ridiculously rushed. Furthermore if somebody is coughing up blood, that means they have a pierced lung once the puncture is cleared their lung will begin filling with blood and they will die drowning in their own blood. Sorry, I want to Like this story but I cannot. I won't Dislike it, but I cannot continue reading it.
I don't even know, like.....what!
Oh hay I know your different species and you just had an extremely tramadic experience crossing into a different world and all but let's put your asses to work! HA...Yeah cause that's would happen lmfao
I get that your trying to create a relationship between the protagonists, Applejack and Fluttershy but I don't think putting there traumatised asses to work right away is the best way to go about it, you know.....just saying
8255009
They is are the smartest! XD And it just goes to show how things can get stupid we can be... to be honest, we did horrible jobs staying in any character, well, except the exaggerations of ourselves.
8255556
Yeah I getcha' but they haven't even asked the first question anyone would ask in that situation which is how do I get home?
8255604
How they get home, where'd that vortex hole thingie come from, how can we even speak the same language... All viable questions hehe. Our characters are not the brightest, by any stretch of the imagination. I think we decided against that question because it was too cliche, if memory serves.