15:42, 28th February 2016
“You’re sure about this?” Dr Richards asked, “eight of our psions just attacked her without warning?”
“It’s what she told us,” Santiago confirmed, “although she didn’t use the word ‘attacked’.”
“‘Tested’ was mentioned once or twice,” Popov noted, the word hanging heavily in the quiet air of the base’s small library.
“Yes, well,” Dr Richards frowned, “I think the aliens have done enough of that sort of ‘testing’ to last us a century, we don’t need our own soldiers doing it.”
“You look after her medically, right?” Santiago asked, “I’m guessing she’s not normally that compliant?”
“Well…” Dr Richards thought silently for a moment. “Twilight’s never really resisted any of the procedures I’ve undergone with her, even before she started speaking, but she’s definitely not willing to let us do anything to her. Numerous interviews have shown her to have a distaste for exactly this sort of thing…”
“Do you think she might have been affected by them?” Popov suggested.
“I couldn’t say, I’m no psychologist,” the veterinary biologist replied, “but it is counter to her prior behaviour. We need to tell Dr Vahlen about this, at any rate. Would you two be willing to tell her the same as you’ve told me?”
Both soldiers agreed, and the scientist led them towards the research labs.
***
The head of research became increasingly agitated as the story was relayed to her. It had started with concerned frowning, which was to be expected. This had given way to annoyed frowning, and then outright angry frowning. After both soldiers had finished their explanation, she uttered only a quiet “Follow me,” before silently leading the three men out of the room and towards Mission Control (abandoning her input on a proposal to trial variant medikits that included stimulants similar to those emitted by some soldiers modified with Berserker genetic material in doing so).
“Officer Bradford!” Dr Vahlen shouted as she entered, drawing most of the room’s attention.
“Can this wait, doctor?” Bradford replied, not looking away from the large screen before him, “We’ve just encountered a new alien, and Strike One is having a little difficulty capturing it for you.”
“That’s very considerate of you,” Dr Vahlen replied tersely as she stepped up next to the CO, “but you need to hear about what your psions have been-”
“Hold on a second,” Dr Richards said, pointing at the viewscreen, “Does that snake have boobs?”
“It seems so, yes,” Officer Bradford replied tiredly, “and you’re not the first to notice.”
“Is it weird if I like this?” Popov asked, glancing around the room.
“Okay, that is just dumb,” Dr Richards continued, “reptiles don’t have mammary glands, because they don’t have live young. Why would a giant snake need them?”
“Maybe they’re venom sacs or something?” Santiago suggested.
“It has spat poison at our troops,” Bradford admitted.
Richards threw his hands upwards. “Oh, and they just happen to be on its chest, sure!”
“Central, this is Lieutenant King,” an australian accented voice came over the comms system, “I’ve got Lewis’s Arc Thrower, moving in to- Agh! It’s got mphmmmphphm!”
“This gives me the weirdest feeling,” Popov commented, watching as the reptilian alien coiled around the soldier on screen.
“Oh, wow,” Dr Richards said with a roll of his eyes, “so it’s got venom and it’s a constrictor. So realistic.”
“You might want to instruct your men to use a little more caution, Central,” Dr Vahlen commented, “This alien seems to have a particular aptitude for fighting at…”
Officer Bradford nodded, as he put on a pair of aviator sunglasses. “Close Range.”
┻━┻︵ \(°□°)/ ︵ ┻━┻
Also it's nice to see that the Viper is mentioned in this story.
I didn't realize it until he put on the sunglasses ._.
nnnggggg....
I don't get it.
And here I was hoping for a new chapter.
I am disappointed and annoyed. I hate it when people do this shit. If we could grade individual chapters, this would be getting a downvote from me.
Yeah, those vipers look nice. But they are really fucking annoying.
and im not sorry for reading and laughing and this horrible joke
It's a reptimammalian.
It's evidently 1st april, because vipers could apear only after Earth was conquered.
7083610 Clearly, you don't share the same spirit of April Fools the rest of us do.
I don't really get the "close range" joke.
*flips ALL the tables* RARGARBLRARGARBL!
And it looked like it was actually serious for a moment.
I hate April Fools.
7083669
It's making fun of a cut scene in which commander Bradford says: CLOSE RANGE?! because he is shocked at the need to capture one of those things alive.
My feelings towards this chapter:
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My feelings towards the author:
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I saw this had updated and got excited. Then I read it. Now I am frustrated.
7083726 I know. This is why I can never take anything seriously on April 1st, especially on the internet. I'm hoping that there will be an actual update where this scene doesn't end in a bad joke.
...Since when did japan drop lamias here?
Saw this coming a mile away.
7083649 I was about to say Xcom-2 anyone for that line.
-Hold on a second,” Dr Richards said, pointing at the viewscreen, “Does that snake have boobs?”-
EEEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL!!!!
But all she vants ist to vash und vipe your vindows!
7084000
7083795
7083790
7083789
7083726
7083707
7083610
7083556
Don't worry, there is a serious version of this chapter in progress.
Couldve been worse.
Bradford couldve won the war by Kirking the Lamia.
That was random...
I approve of this chapter and I have my own version coming out... :)
7084063 this is just nooope
7084005 I remember that story!! Wow, it's been a while...
7084059 My frustration has ebbed away to the point that I can now find this funny. Also, looking on the internet I found this:
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/973/047/edd.png
It's amazing how close the dialogue is.
7084005 Oh my god, an Animaniacs reference. I never thought I'd see that one.
oh god I love April fools! You get all these funny joke updates. Not to mention War Thunder's yearly AF joke.
They added pirate ships to the game you know...
Guys, guys, guys! If you're gonna ask why snakes have boobs, then also ask why Sectoids don't wear clothes, Mutons don't have helmets to protect their heads from snipers, or hell, why XCOM only sends one Interceptor at a time per UFO.
Anyways, yeah, I read a fic not long ago that showed the "boobs" on a Viper being venom sacs. They'd certainly need those for the sheer volume of venom they spit out, way more than any small glands in the head could handle.
7084380
There's an entire GI JOE episode that's based on someone saying "Wiper" with a funny accent.
snektits
static1.e621.net/data/d6/7f/d67f1daea47b883eb3311c34d86ec975.jpg
7085433 I cannot argue with this. I feel similarly. :| Dad's retired USMC. Asked him what he thought of situation - leaving the ponies out of it, per se - and he EXPLODED. Said the people responsible for the 'test' need to be sent to this nice little place called Fort Leavenworth
7085046
7084380
Feeling older every day...
http://www.scaryforkids.com/viper/
7084569 Yeah, Hope we see this brought up in the next chapter.
7085953 Oh. I didn't know it was based on an even older joke.
7086030
It's okay. Old Man Phantasm will just... be at the nursing home... arguing with lamps... multiplying my liver spots... drinking applesauce through an IV tube...
7086047 ... You're not that old, right?
7085308 Last checked, no, Twilight is not a foreign ambassador. She got there on accident from a spell. and the soldiers are the best of the best at killing not at diplomacy. She is not a human ambassador sent by a human nation of which human laws and policies apply to, so no they did not do anything that could account as Treason in an organization that is funded, but not bound, by many nations. Twilight has no legal protection of any sort, all she has is their good graces. And it wasn't some half baked split second reaction, they planned to do that for a while, given the bits from other chapters. And if they actually had outright attacked her, they definitely wouldn't be so nice as to leave her mentally intact after breeching her defenses. What they did was an action to ascertain if she was being honest by going to the place it is impossible to keep a secret, or just lying at every corner to meet her goals. Twilights only protection is XCOMs leadership itself, not one of it's sponsors.
7086133
This year is the big three oh. Might as well pull the plug now.
7084059 hopefully, with bigger snaketits.
7086240 ... Seriously? I'm 26 myself.
Then again, I have felt old since I could tell someone "when I was your age, Pluto was a planet."
7101199
Well, the stationary inhibitor put a dampener on any psionics (and thus magic) used by Twilight, but it still gave her some leeway (enough to see Murray's use of psionics, and later start slowly learning before Vahlen gave her much more leeway as a test). The protable one she's wearing instead puts a much harsher damping effect on anything she projects, which includes her ability to sense (by magically seeing) psionic patterns. She's fully capable of using psionics on her own mind, though.
Rough analogy, before she was in a really dense ocean - she could move freely anywhere, with great effort. Now she's more like in a space station - completely free to move about inside, but has to spend an hour putting on a spacesuit before she can go out, and then it's bulky and difficult to move in.
7084374
Porn.
When.
7104937 I love how the Viper's expression is all like "Dafuq man, I don't wanna be here."
I was really surprise seeing this.
Not because I didn't expect a crossover like this but because I spent the last week playing Long War.
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7115759
Do you guys mean the Found One, or Jenkins?
7116095 ponies are pacifists by nature, not out of kindness towards any potential foe, but because they'd rather not deal with the collateral damage caused by the resulting massacre. One wonders if the Windegoes were not a natural creature, but rather created by some pragmatic mage with enough foresight to see that the three tribes needed a common foe, least there fighting wipe out the entire biosphere.
7116141
The alternative to killing my attacker is to try and use a less lethal method which WILL increase the risk of MY being killed. That is an UNACCEPTABLE alternative. It isn't vengeance. It IS about self-defense. In the hypothetical scenario of someone attempting to murder me with a knife, I stop the attack in the swiftest and most definite way possible. It isn't about inflicting harm, it's about ending a threat. When it comes time to kill or be killed, you don't have time to pussyfoot around. You do what you have to do.
If a person is trying to murder you, there is 100% NO moral obligation to try and save your attacker. A person attempting to commit murder forfeits any expectation of walking away alive.