Equestria Special Forces

by Miniscule Literary

Chapter Two

Twilight awoke with a jolt. The door to the train car opened noisily some distance ahead, and three smiling ponies entered. Talking idly with themselves, the group exited the car at the opposite end and swiftly disappeared from sight. The unicorn rested her head on the windowsill with a sigh, groggy and irritated from her restless sleep. Her friends sat all around her, some sleeping, others in a state similar to her own. They were on their way back to Canterlot; with the threat in Whitetail Woods eliminated, they were off to pick up their next assignment.

That's how it had been for months now. After the events in the Crystal Empire, Celestia had summoned them to Canterlot to discuss their future in her service. She wished to use them as a sort of problem solving crew, to go about Equestria and beyond to act in her name. If there was an unruly beast threatening the good ponies of Equestria, they would be sent to investigate. If there was a pressing diplomatic emergency, they would be the ones to answer the call on behalf of the Princess.

It was a tall order, and often a gruesome one; not every situation could be solved with peace and understanding, after all. It also required a lot of sacrifice on their part. They were traveling most of the time, and hadn't seen Ponyville since they had begun. Leaving all they had known behind was easier for some than others. Twilight missed the library, and only got to see Spike every now and then, but had little else to keep her in Ponyville now that her friends were on the move with her. Applejack, however, had been difficult to convince. Although Celestia promised to send "professionals" to help on the family orchards in the earth pony's stead, she still felt as though she were betraying her family and her own way of life.

The process was rough. They had been on adventures before, but never so frequently were they away from their homes. They practically lived on the trains now - all expenses paid, of course - and it was, without a doubt, taxing on their minds and bodies. But they had done so much good in the months they had been working for the Princess. Twilight felt that all the pain and irritation was worth it in the end, to make Equestria a better place for everyone, including their friends and family back in Ponyville.

Besides, their new adventures had opened so many doors for them. Twilight had a chance to practice her offensive spells, and even develop new techniques. Not to mention: she had observed and cataloged enough of their adventures to write at least three novels. She had even taught Rarity a few spells, which was an amazing feat for a unicorn whose special talent was fashion. Indeed, she had very much to look forward to when everything was said and done, and this was only the start of their travels.

"We are now approaching Canterlot Station! Repeat: we are now approaching Canterlot Station!"

This seemed to imbue a little life in the exhausted ponies. Awoken from their slumber or merely drawn from their stupor, the six friends began to chat idly with each other, mostly about the promise of a nice warm bed.

"I don't know about you girls," Rainbow Dash began, flexing her wings lazily. "but I'm going to enjoy my time in Canterlot."

"Me too!" Pinkie Pie said with a nod. "Grab some grub, sleep the rest of the day! Sounds like a plan to me!"

The ponies laughed. The irritableness and frustration of their journey melted away at the idea of relaxing for a day. They were friends again, without a care in the world.

As the train pulled into the station, the Equestrian Special Forces gathered their belongings and disembarked from the train. From there, they went their separate ways. Though they would meet up at the palace by nightfall, and leave in the morning, the rest of the day was theirs to do whatever they wanted. It was one of the few moments where they could enjoy themselves, without worrying about what to do next. This applied to most of them, anyway.

Twilight had other business to attend to. Princess Celestia had requested an audience with her - likely to discuss their next assignment - at her earliest convenience. Despite being a constant reminder of her responsibilities, Twilight usually enjoyed her time with her mentor. Basking in the ancient pony's wisdom, she found herself growing as both a leader and a warrior with each visit. The Princess had been testing the unicorn's magical abilities as of late, and Twilight had learned many valuable things about herself as a result.

Thus, her destination was clear: the Canterlot palace. Hefting her saddles onto her back with some effort, the unicorn set off into Canterlot proper. Although her birthplace, she felt as though she was rediscovering the city with every visit. Perhaps, in time, it would become more of a home than Ponyville. For now, it was a vague and distant memory, lost in the recesses of her mind.

This did not make it any less impressive, however. Canterlot was the definition of class; from its people to its architecture, the city was immaculate. While Ponyville stood as a quaint and quiet little town, and while Manehattan stood as a prosperous, bustling city, Canterlot stood as a city of nobles. Although many would consider its homes to be old and outdated, those that lived within the city itself considered them to be works of art; beautiful remnants of the past. They considered themselves to be above the practical designs of towns like Ponyville, which would lead many to call Canterlot a city of arrogant stuffed shirts. In truth, they were probably right.

It was an experience, that was sure.

If Canterlot was the crown jewel of Equestria, than Canterlot Palace was the jewel within the jewel. Towering above any other structure in the city, the palace was a shining example of the ancient, sophisticated architecture that had come to define the city. The interior was perhaps even more impressive; with painted glass, intricate tapestries, and massive, lavish rooms, it was something that still took Twilight's breath away. Although at times she had been too busy or too irritated to appreciate its beauty, it was a pity that she did not do so more often.

"Princess!"

Twilight broke out into a gallop at the sight of her mentor, seated proudly upon her throne. With a gentle dismissal of her attendants, Celestia turned to regard her student fondly. As the smaller pony neared, she craned her neck down to meet her, and the two shared a small gesture of affection.

"It is good to see you again, Twilight. I trust your trip back to Canterlot went well?"

"As well as it could have," Twilight replied with a weak smile. She felt at ease in her mentor's presence, and it only helped her realize just how tired she was. "You have no idea how glad I am to be off that train!"

"Then I have news you will be excited to hear," Celestia said with a coy smile. "Your next assignment will come about in four days time. You and your friends may spend the time until then however you wish. You may even head back to Ponyville if you so choose."

"That's incredible!" Twilight replied with a wide grin. She had never been so happy to hear about an assignment! The others would undoubtedly be glad to hear this too. "What is the assignment?"

"You are to head to the city of Yardenfell, in southern Equestria."

"Yardenfell?"

"It is a city belonging to the Pygmy," Celestia explained. "They wish for us to handle a rather delicate matter there."

Twilight frowned. The Pygmy - or Rath'urn as they called themselves - were exactly as the name implied: minature ponies, usually abnormally strong for their size and with incredibly long hair, which was usually braided in some fashion. They were hardly peaceful folk like the Equestrians or the Saddle Arabians, and thus any business involving them was dangerous indeed.

"They are asking us to help in their ... internal affairs?"

"In a way," Celestia replied, thinking for a moment. "A rogue sect of Pygmy radicals have cropped up in Yardenfell. They believe that us Equestrians might be more capable at resolving the issue peacefully, and will consider it an act of diplomacy. This may increase our standing with the Pygmies as a whole."

"No pressure," Twilight murmured, her frown deepening.

"It is important that you end this dispute amicably, Twilight Sparkle."

"You can count on us, Princess," the unicorn replied with somewhat forced determination. It was definitely a good thing they had more than a day to prepare; where they were going, they needed all the mental preparation they could get.

"Now then," Celestia began, giving her student an even stare. "What was plaguing Whitetail Woods?"

"Treants."

"Treants?" the Princess repeated, looking thoughtfully at the floor. "It is very unlike them to be so violent."

"They seemed sick," Twilight explained, frowning. "They were gnarled and gray, and just looked ... ill."

"A shame. Perhaps it is best you released them from their misery. Noble creatures such as they do not deserve to wallow in depravity."

The two grew silent for a moment, as if in honor of the constructs' sacrifice.

"Are you ready to begin the next phase of your training?" Celestia asked suddenly. "We have much to do if you wish to realize your full potential, Twilight Sparkle."

Twilight hesitated, frowning. Although training with her mentor meant spending time with her, the Princess's idea of training was often quite brutal, especially of late. Normally the unicorn would approach the situation with defiant determination, ready to take whatever challenge Celestia had planned for her head on. But after spending hours and hours crossing the length of Equestria on hoof and rail, she was far too exhausted to even consider the notion.

"I'd rather wait until tomorrow, Princess," she replied nervously. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can last much longer without a nap!"

Celestia chuckled, giving the unicorn an understanding nod. "For you to properly learn from your training, you need to be alert and focused. We will begin tomorrow, bright and early, alright?"

"Yes ma'am. Thank you." Twilight turned to depart, her mind set on sleep, before Celestia spoke up once more.

"One last thing," the Princess promised, standing. Her student turned back to her expectantly with an innocent blink. "The armor I had commissioned for you and your friends is finally complete. I believe they have already been shipped to your rooms. I expect you to use them well, Twilight; they will keep you safe."

"Is it really necessary, Princess?" Twilight asked, confused. They had done just fine without weapons or armor for months now! "I appreciate the offer, but-"

"Please, Twilight," Celestia interrupted, giving the unicorn a very serious stare. "Your safety, and the safety of your friends are very important to me. I could not live with myself if any of you were to get hurt on one of your journeys. Please, do this for me."

Twilight was at a loss for words. Although she still didn't see the need for it, she was inclined to accept after seeing how serious Princess Celestia was about it. After a moment's thought, she nodded.

"Thank you. Now go and rest. You've earned it."

Comments

[homy_dog34]

This story is pretty good, no mistakes I can see so far.
However, the ponies do seem like their being used as tools of Celestia.

Also, the fact that they just go around killing things is a little odd, but whatever. You'd think they'd try talking before jumping into action.
All in all, I think I'll keep my eye on this.

[Miniscule Literary]

2065162
They most certainly try the peaceful route first (if such a thing is possible). Hence the line: "...not every situation could be solved with peace and understanding..."

The Treants were basically like how they handled the timber wolves in the actual show.

[Hyzaku]

2065283 Timber Wolves were established to be violent and aggressive. When they show up, the ponies run in fear. The very same ponies that are suppose to be fighting these giant treants.

I'm two chapters in and a ton of things just feel off. You started everything in medias res, relying completely on the story synopsis to explain what is even going on in the first chapter. So the story picks up with a group of ponies that have virtually no fighting experience (you've given us no information to indicate otherwise in chapter one) who, as of known cannon, are the only ponies capable of wielding the Elements of Harmony and Celestia is sending them on random dangerous missions around the country with little to no information about what they are getting into. In the first chapter we've just established the premise as a poorly planned idea on Celestia's part. Not the best start.

Rainbow being grounded felt like forced group tension. You also spent precious little time describing the environment, so when you mentioned that the group couldn't see past the treeline it felt like a sudden attempt at forcing tension. The treants' size wasn't described too clearly other than 'big' so I didn't have a good reference for how their size compared to the ponies. Size, when combatants are of different sizes, is very important to note; especially comparative size when dealing with massive creatures. It helps give not only a sense of scale, but it makes things easier to visualize.

The battle itself was decent, but several times I lost track of who was attacking which treant. The treants themselves felt arbitrarily weak. Given that a single strike was busting them apart, they weren't very threatening. The magic immunity was very forced and you gave no reason for why they were immune to magic. Also, for some reason, Twilight was beating herself up for not realizing that fact. Why would she have known? Is it common knowledge about treants? If it is, and she knows what they are, then why would she be surprised? There were no clues that they were magic immune until her spell failed to affect them, so she should not have been acting like there was something she failed to notice. Further, the treant that was holding Pinkie just picked her up. That's it. It didn't try to squeeze her or hurt her in any way. It didn't throw her or do anything to put her in danger. That entire caveat of the scene served no purpose except to force Pinkie to not be a part of the fight. That Pinkie did nothing but make bad puns the whole time really ruined any attempt at tension or danger.

Then you've got Rarity and her 'priceless' gem. Why did she bring it? Why would she bring a priceless item on a dangerous mission? Oh, to pin a giant creature's arm to a tree... of course. Just how the hell big was this gem? In one moment, you've got a 'boulder' getting stuck in a treant's leg: then you have a gem that fit in a saddlebag pinning a treant's arm to a tree. The size disparity there is staggering and is utterly immersion shattering.

Let's not forget Rainbow breaking its arm, either. You have her forceful impact against the arm and it's slamming into a tree cause no visible damage (cracking, breaks, etc.) but Rainbow simply pushing a bit harder, as you never described her baking up or slamming into it a second time, is enough to break it. Not really buying it.

Next, despite being a giant mass of moving flora, losing a leg and falling over is enough to kill them. Huh? They just fall over and that's it, they are beaten? No further struggling, no trying to get back up, just fallen and can't get up...

You can't just utterly invalidate a character's abilities (magic immunity) without a very solid reason. Right from the start you took Twilight and Pinkie out of the fight and Fluttershy did absolutely nothing the whole time. Even when you had Twilight use her telekinesis to get around the magic immunity, her attack didn't even do anything (the boulder plugged up the hole it made). So that's three characters that had no purpose being there, while Rarity was only there for a single deus ex machina moment with her gem-of-unusual-size. In a group-centric that is a bad way to start. Even the weak characters need to be able to do something once a confrontation happens.

I've got other gripes with that chapter but I'm moving on for now.

Chapter 2, alternate title: Nothing Happens.

Train ride, everyone is tired. Arrive at Canterlot, split group. Describe Canterlot and irrelevant things. Oh, goody: Twilight meets with Celestia! Something interesting has to happen now! Nope, just a tease. Twi is tired. Celestia has armor for the group, probably looks just like the cover pic (i.e. a few metal bands that wouldn't actually provide any real protection outside of having magical enchantments).

So, the big moment here is when Twilight goes to report to Celestia. She tells her about the treants, but suddenly mentions that they were sick. Why was this not mentioned last chapter? What's worse is that the logic used was: They were sick and attacked us, so we killed them. And Celestia was totally okay with it. What could be worse? The topic is then immediately dropped. Why is that bad? Let's make a list.

Being sick is what made the treants attack. That is the logic we are given. When something gets sick and the sickness makes it violent, that is a problem. That the group killed them without a second thought shows them having questionable morality. If treants are normally not violent, why was Twilight not more surprised by their violent behavior? Why was no attempt made to communicate peacefully? Why, if the sickness made them violent, was the source of the sickness not investigated? Surely, if that group of treants contracted an illness that made them violent, then other treants in Whitetail Woods might be in danger of contracting the same illness and becoming a threat as well. Why was this not discussed or even taken into consideration? A peaceful ruler, like Celestia, should be concerned about those kinds of things when a normally peaceful creature suddenly becomes violent, yet she just dismisses the whole thing by saying they are better off dead than sick. That is a pretty grim outlook considering we don't know if that sickness was treatable or not since we are given no information to work with.

I'm sorry, but with so many loose threads I just don't see myself reading further.

[BenRG]

The Ponyvengers?

[OmniFox]

I called them the Elemares.