O..oh. my. Twilight, you hot mess, you never fail to entertain!
pretty good so far, but have you considered a pre-reader for slight errors and whatnot? I know I'm being the grammar nazi, but i saw a ffew spots to fix up. nothing major tho!
i like it tho. definitely keeping an eye out!

Poor twilight she never ceases to amuse me.2061942 hmm another grammar nazi? I feel the same way when reading others grammar.

I also would be interested in being a pre-reader. I currently pre-read for one story, but i would like to expand my repertoire!

Very fast paced and seems to jump a bit, but it actually helps with this story. Gives it a unique, frantic feel, like I feel the same tightness in my chest that Twilight feels about her situation. I'm eager to see more.

this has much promise
keep up the good work

I can see we both think rainbow dash is gay. but, wtf? isn't this a little too descriptive? lol, I like how she reacts to spike coming in! you know what? i've decided i'm not gay, I just like cartoon animals.LOL!

Ponyville is too small of a town her single ponies to go unnoticed.

Ponyville is too small of a town, here, for single ponies to go unnoticed.

“What’s with tie?” Twilight looks over to spike.

"What's with the tie?" Twilight inquires, looking over to Spike.

Just wanted to ask, but is this in script format, because if not, you should really consider fleshing out your scenes and beefing up your descriptions.

So instead of: Twilight ran.
Try: Twilight panted, her pelt matted down as sweat dripped from her body, and her mane disheveled from the uncaring elements of the air. Her muscles burned with fatigue and exertion, shaking a little given her extremely sedentary and non-athletic lifestyle. Her lungs burned and stung, and her head swam, blood pounding in her head; her ears resounding with the beat of her heart. Her heartbeat sounded so loud to her, she was certain that everypony could hear within 10 bodylengths away.

Doesn't the latter paragraph sound so much more engaging than the first one?