Twilight woke up, ready for another day. She looked over at Spike’s bed, which happened to be vacant. Twilight became worried, and ran down the stairs. Spike is never up this early. When she got down stairs, she saw Spike was sitting next to Zecora.
“Oh, hi Zecora. What brings you here?” Twilight said with a smile.
“I am here to warn you of impending danger.” She said, looking her straight in the eyes. Twilight immediately realized this was serious. Very rarely did Zecora not speak in rhymes, and when she didn’t, it was usually to warn someone.
“Do you know what it is?” Twilight asks.
“Unfortunately, I do not. However, if I were you, I would have something ready, for anything.” Twilight nodded, and with that, Zecora left. Twilight started becoming very suspicious of her surroundings, looking every which way and slowly backing up. When she touched a wall, she jumped up, turned around and shot a magic blast at the wall, obliterating it. Applejack looks through the hole, a stunned look on her face.
“You all right, sugarcube?” she asked, walking through the hole.
“Yes, I’m fine.” She said, smiling sheepishly. She looked over at Spike, who was hiding under some of her books.
“Well, I’ve been looking everywhere for Scootaloo, and I can’t seem to find her anywhere. Know where she might be? Apple Bloom says she has been missing for three days.”
“I’m afraid I haven’t. Why is this the first we are hearing of this?”
“She thought she went to see her family for the weekend.”
“I’ll keep an eye out for her. In the meantime, you should check with Rainbow Dash.”
“Okay. Thanks, Twi!” She walked out through the hole in the wall. Twilight looked over at Spike.
“We need to find out what Zecora was talking about.” Twilight said, using her magic to take the books off of Spike and put them back on the shelf in chronological order.
“Well, what do you want me to do?” Spike said, getting up, “Gather up your friends and pull out the Elements of Harmony?”
Twilight could tell he said that very sarcastically, but she thought about it.
“Yes.”
“Huh? I was being sarcastic.”
“I’m not. That is actually a good idea.”
Spike walked out the door, grumbling to himself, and then Twilight grabbed a book off the shelf.
“A guide to exotic magic.” She said to no one in particular. She threw herself into the book, hoping to find anything she could use to help her.
There was a knock at the door.
“Come in!” Twilight said, still focused on her book.
“Ah. You must be Mrs. Twilight Sparkle.”
Twilight’s ears perked up when she heard her name. She looked up at the pony who called her. She examined the pony carefully. The pony was male. He was jet-black, with a red mane. His blue eyes reminded Twilight of the ocean, considering how blue they are. He also happened to be an earth pony.
“How may I help you?” Twilight asked, folding a corner of the page she was on and closing the book.
“Oh, uh, I just wanted to meet you. I’ve heard about your endeavors with the Elements. I’m a huge fan.” He smiles.
Twilight blushes slightly. “What’s your name?”
“Cleft Asu. You can call me Cleft.”
Twilight was quite flattered about the fact she had fans, but she had studying to do.
“Well, Cleft, I would love for you to stay and chat, but I have something I need to be doing right now. Sorry.”
“Oh, it’s no problem. I’ll come back later.” Cleft said, and then he let himself out. Twilight went back to reading her book, but couldn’t stop thinking about herself having fans.
I guess the reading will have to wait. She closes the book again.
You might want to change the name of that black stallion. Curacao is a very popular OC from CRISIS Equestria.
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120719035506/mlpfanart/images/0/09/CRISIS_Curacao.jpg
2053019 FUCK! Thanlk you for telling me!
2053013
could you check over mine and tell me about any errors?
Wait! how did you manage to get a story up less than 1000 words it won't let me do that!!!
he posted both of the chapters at the same time
Well... It kind of rushes. Your writing has definitely improved, so that's a plus, but your chapters should be longer.
Keep on writing, I guess.
2053638 I posted both chapters at the same time, much to my demise...
The first thing I think upon reading this chapter: it's too short! I want more! There were some good things and some bad here, so let's break it down:
The good. Plot progression is always good to see. They've identified the Scootaloo problem and we've quite possibly met one of our main antagonists. Good. There were also some funny moments (loved the Twi/Spike interactions) and pretty good characterizations overall.
The bad (longer but only cause I'm being more detailed). Tense, tense, tense! At least last chapter you were consistent. This one flip-flops between present and past tense. See? Even you want to write it in past! I think more than anything this solidifies the argument for past tense. It would be more enjoyable and followable that way. I also thought it was strange that AJ of all ponies was at Twi's looking for Scootaloo, but then you mentioned AB and I was like "oh that makes sense." Logical plot progression is logical.
The ugly (otherwise known as the 'other'). Assorted thoughts: I thought Zecora left her hut at dusk? I find it hard to believe (from the show itself) that it takes half a day for her to get to Ponyville. Or that she would travel the Everfree at night. Just some "holes" for you to consider. Also, the OC. I kinda facepalmed at the 'black and red' thing, but it's okay in all honesty. Not really digging the name, though. 'Cleft' is fine but the last name isn't very ponyish. Just something that stuck out to me as a reader. Finally (repressing rising urge to kill), it's 'Apple Bloom,' not 'Applebloom.' Personal pet peeve of mine.
With a simple round of spit and polish, this could prove to be something rather interesting.
don't let any put you down it is a great story
2053638 The limit for a chapter is NOT 1000 words.
However, the limit for a story is - so you could write 2 500-word chapters and it will go through the submission process.