I'm having the wierdest gusta right now. The story was competently written. You get a like.

Wath was doing twilight with a book about necromancy? Just curiosty? Or something else? Why Celestia had a book like that? Quite suspicious

Okay that was pretty good, faved

I think her next punishment should fit the crime...she is caught looking at .....my god have mercy on my soul.....foalacon mags

2049392 It's not really that important to the story, as it's just a setup to ensure that cloppiness happens later. I tried to make Celestia imply that some books actually try to convince you to read them. As for why did she have such a tome? Well, once a pony went into all that trouble collecting information about raising the dead, it would be a shame to let it simply go to waste, no?

Stop. No world building. This was supposed to be a lightheaded story of affection, not a dark, gripping tale of lust and betrayal. Ugh, why can't I stop injecting backstory?

2049746

"Twilight Sparkle! What are you looking at? GASP! Are these little foals? Have you no shame?"

"I found this foalcon magazine in your nightstand, just so you know."

Uncomfortable silence.

"Yeah, we have to talk about these memories I've been repressing and this whole charade that you call 'The School For Gifted Unicorns,' princess. Your fetishes had gone WAY out of hand."

2050245
or it could be MILF mags .....oh god ...twilights mum....or maybe a sex toy catalog ....I mean the list is endless if your mind can reach far enough into the gutter

2050270 dammit now you got my mind going

Every so often a story comes by that gives me a raging gusta.
This is one of those.

2050674 I am pleased to please

You sir are an amazing pony, I acutally felt my ears burn from reading this story and that happens very rarely I must say I do so hope you continue with these 'events' and will follow till the end

This is true love. Now, this statement has two meanings: Twilestia, and my love for the words written. You, my dear writer, are awesome, just amazing.
out of

Okay, really important question I need to ask before I make my opinion on this story formulated. Twilight is refferred to here as both filly and mare. Exactly how old is she...specifically relative to Equestria's age of consent?

this story made my face go as red as applejacks cutiemark! and i made the mistake of reading it in public.....my sister is never going to forgive me.

2051485 I did my research on the matter (MLP:FIM official website) Twilight is 23.

2051519
That's how old she is in the show. Where is this story relative to that is what I want to know, as it sounds like it's pre-Ponyville by a good amount.

2051525 Good point.

2051525
2051541

I was a bit ambiguous in my descriptions, sorry. I'm curious, what age do you all think a term 'filly' represents? Or rather, what age is evoked in your minds when you read that a pony is referred to as a filly? To me, it does kinda, sorta, suggest that maybe she's under age, but at the same time, the equivalent term for males, colt, seems to be used almost interchangeably with 'stallion'. The way I wrote it, simply replace all 'fillies' with 'girls', as in a female under 30 or something along these lines.

The story takes place a year or two before the Ponyville - I was originally planning to include a bit about Twilight coming to terms with her own sexuality, becoming a proper grownup and a mare, along with her feelings for Celestia, but it seems it got lost in the sea of clop.

2051612
Honestly, I think both "filly" and "mare" could easily just be used to describe a female pony...but when both are used to describe the same pony, it implies to me a state of transition, implying that Twilight was an adolescent, say, about 15 maybe. That's the impression I got, which is why I wanted confirmation before expressing my opinion.
Excellently written story. Hope to see it continued.

2051612 I have horses in real life. 1 human year is 3-4 in horse years (Depending on the breed) Ofcorse in MLP it's different. If it's a year or two before Ponyville, That means Twilight was 21-22.

Throughout the entire fic, I remained blank-faced.

Then I got to the ending.

I broke a rib.

All of my bits for illustrations of this fic.

2051870 I should have my tablet back soon, so I will most likely finish the cover picture at the very least. I need to include a moaning, blushing Twilight at the bottom

As for illustrating other scenes, well, I never attempted to draw porn before. Could be an interesting experience

(Joke) Alt. Title: The Twilestia Saga: Twilight Gets Royally Screwed
Dumb joke is dumb. Also, ya got featured.

oh god the kink
Me gusta
My few cents:
"The world stopped mattering." Sounds weird to me - personally I'd go with something along "The world didn't matter anymore"
Just sayin'

Another featured cloppy romance?

well...looks like I gotta read this too...(Insert: sarcastic disappointment)

More sadism! I love Celestia's Punishment way, i find it very erotic

2052148 Noted, changed.

2052026 You have perfectly captured what I am aiming for.

2052149 Yes, yes. Read it. Suplicate your yearning flesh to the whims of the box that is the cornucopia! Or else 10 years dungeon. All of you!

2052156 Sadism? 'Tis love! (Whips may come into play in later chapters)

This feature box business is great! I remember squealing in joy when I got ten measly favs on my other story and here I am about to drown in notifications.

I beg you, on behalf of Twilight, for the love of Celestia, please, do not stop.

2052223 i didn't meant whips and other. For me, Twi torture of not being able to reach the peak is very sexual interesting

Torture her worse on this path ^^

moar

The purple unicorn imagined how it would feel to caress her supple breasts with her magic.

Huh? Ponies don't have breasts, supple or otherwise.

Cherry wat u doin?
Cherry... hm, DON'T stahp!

First thought when reading the description/comments and looking at the pic:
Oh Holy Celestia No.
Brain, don't force me to read this.
DON'T.
STAHP.
...
Commence read.

I am now unsure what to think.
I can't even even.
I don't understanding of the current operations of things.

fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/133/f/2/princess_molestia_seal_of_approval_by_pablo09042-d4zoerv.png

My god. If that's the way she gives out punishment, I'll never be good again.

2052529 You are correct! Thanks for pointing it out. Changed breasts to teats.

2052733 Oh boy. I broke him. Call the paramedics!

The next chapter is in the works!

I like this can't wait for more. This seems like something Molestia would do.

2051519

23? are you sure? can can you please show us this website you mention? It was stated a long time ago that all Main mares are adults,but their specific ages are still left unknown.

2049630

Get back to work!

I gave it a read, and I can say I'm not impressed. On more than one occasion, I spotted obvious errors, many of these cases being an 'ed' on the end of a word that should not have possessed it. The writing of the sex itself is rather bland, and comma placement, in many areas, is off, either being placed in a strange area, or none at all when there should be one. Repetition is a major issue too.

All in all, there is no romance to this. This story is literally just sex for the sake of sex.

While I will admit that the author has a good hand in writing, when taking that skill to clop, there is a very large transition to be made depending on what you're shooting for: Romantic clop, or smut.

This is smut.

2054436
wow...you just CANNOT give any clop fics praise, can you.

2055085 I have done it before. Just Hangin' Around - Warning, gay. This is the only one I have easy access to since it's the only clopfic I have ever favorited.

I give praise where I believe praise is due, and it is very rarely I believe it is due.

If I read my own two clop stories from an unbiased perspective, I would not like them, because they are not worthy.

Amazing! Simply amazing! I submit a formal request for more public humiliation for Twilight, not that it looks like it will be in short supply, but seriously MORE PUBLIC HUMILIATION!

2054436

Oh, yes. I wouldn't want to pretend this is anything but shameless, shameless pony fornication celebration. As for the other criticisms, I don't really have any editors or prereaders, and english being my second language, some things escape me, which is rather unfortunate. I'm trying to fix all errors pointed out in the comments.

Also, omitting a couple of chapters from my other thingie on this site (got 60 views, poor thing ), Indiscretions is the first story I have ever written. Seriously. And it popped up in the feature box. And now it has 1.5k views and I see it on the top position. This is making me giddy.

Thanks for the criticism, I appreciate it, I really do. Constructive critique is hard to come by these days.

Also, I've finished drafting the second chapter, 5.1k words for now. I'll post it in a couple of hours, once I'm done editing. Spoilers:
Twilight is Celestia's daughter who is also robot from the future, built to fulfill a self causing prophecy!
Equestria is plunged deep into nuclear winter as Twilight 'goes ballistic' after all that teasing!
The new alicorn with broken horn, awesome steel wings, an eye patch, and a black coat appears to save the day! He is also a vampony-werewolf-princess-golem-time traveller from the future that will have never not re-happened! He's also very angsty, as orcs killed his parents and burned down his village, after which he chose to be an adventurer.

2055926 I have to say, for English not being your first language: you did pretty damn great.

2054436 And look, I gave an honest review and am getting disliked for it.

Fuck trying. Nothing I do is good enough unless I bow the fuck down and kiss the author's hooves.

2056398

Don't get discouraged, this community needs a level headed approach to some stories. Try to think of it this way - isn't this amazing that we have stories on this site that people genuinely care about? If someone plainly dislikes the review with no reason given, it usually means that he is so emotionally invested in the object of critique that he feels personally hurt. Ain't this just swell?

2056447 Sure is

Okay, I've gotta say. that ending was fantastic. I'm totally gonna fave and upvote. More please!