"Just take those old records off the shelf, I'll sit and listen to 'em by myself." Just your average friend that likes ponies, good music and write horse words.
What hides her past that is so important to them?
That is something I must find if I want to bring a happy ending to this story, she is in danger, but she´s not alone, I will be by her side till all this ends, and I´m willing to give my life to protect her.
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Your spelling seems good, but perhaps a few words are missing? I understand if English is not your first language.
I'm a little confused by the story so far. More details would probably help. This chapter could easily be twice as long.
Let's start here. Take this first paragraph, for example.
Your problem is your punctuation. Like totallynotabrony said, your spelling is pretty accurate. However, let's go over what punctuation does what.
The period ( . ) = ends sentences.
The comma ( , ) = conjoins phrases together.
The semicolon ( ; ) = can be used to join two related sentences.
Right. Now, let's rephrase the paragraph in a manner that's understandable. (With correct punctuation). And make sure the 'tense', or time frame, of the story stays the same. You keep switching between past and present tense, which makes the reading hard to do.
Correct way:
I changed up the word choice and the phrasing (to make it more... suitable), but I think you get the idea.
Best of luck with the rest of the story!
Oh shit nigger it's Italian gangster costumed Leon S. Kennedy
1993343 As you said, it isn´t my first language, in fact, I wrote the chapter in spanish a couple of days ago, and then decided to make some changes and upload it here, I have to say that I wasn´t expecting that it manage to be so well received, now I just need to be very carefull about how to take the tale, maybe one mistake I did was to send the true begin a month before the first part, now I will need to think in how to fill that space time, oh and about your confusion... well you will have to wait. or why don´t you share some of your doubts, maybe it will help me to continue the story.
1993478 Thank you very much for the advice, I will take into account for the next chapters, by the way, I was wondering if you would like to pre-read the chapters before uploading, if so, it would be great
, just let me know. 
1993561
Best game ever, Best costume ever, Best character ever 
So what do you think of this chapter?
Fix the metric fuck ton of grammatical errors and you've got yourself a good story
Is that Leon from RE?
.... I'll give it a look.
Okay, no. This is too messed up for me to even understand. Please get an editor to look at this, the grammar is horrible with the run on sentences.
6012701 Hi there, thanks for giving this story a look... and I know, this one needs tons of edit, I've been trying to improve the structure, but with the work and the other stories I have I kind of leave this one forgotten, I'll try to fix the whole story soon, after that, if you give it another look I'll be glad
.