Twilight and Pinkie were moving through Cloudsdale. While they got wierd looks from other ponies. Mostly because they were surprised to see an Earth pony and Unicorn in Cloudsdale. Where as Twilight tried to block her face out, not use to this, Pinkie Pie was talking to every Pegasus in cloudsdale. She hops up to a mare.
"Do you know about the rainbow factory?"
"Huh? Rainbow factory? Are you talking about the weather factory?"
"No! The one that chops ponies into rainbows!" Yelled Pinkie, shaking the Pegasus up and down rapidly.
"Wha- what are you talking about?" She asked, dizzily.
"My apolagies, Ma'am." Said Twilight jumping into the conversation. "She forgot her medicine before coming here."
"I can see that. But i'm guessing she is your friend?"
"Th-that's right!" Stuttered Twilight, knowing she couldn't deny it at this point.
"Thought so. Well, About your friends disturbing conspiracy. If you want information about our factory, You'll have to talk to the mayor." The Pegasus points to the mayor's office, farther down the path.
Twilight looked at the building and back to the Pegasus. "Thank you for the information."
"Don't mention it. Seriously, don't."
"Oh, don't worry, i won't." Said twilight, more than a little embarrassed. And with that, the pegasi flew away. Desperate to get away from the pink conspiracy theorist.
Pinkie started hopping along the path.
"Come on, Twilight!" she called to Twilight. Who's head was bowed. It seems she was overtaken with imberassment.
"Twilight!" Yelled Pinkie, snapping twilight back to reality.
"Are you coming?"
"Yeah" Twilight followed, trying to forget what happened. And so they made it to the office. And as they were entering, they were blocked by a Guard. It was one of the gaurds they stationed to each of the mayors of each town in Equestria. He was the guard you would expect. White coat with golden helmet. He almost seemed like a model that's been copy and pasted twenty times before.
"State your buiseness here." The gaurd demanded.
"Please, do you have to know why were here? It's nothing major, I promise you." Said Twilight, not wanting to stay here more than they needed to. "I'm sure the mayor could take five minites out of her day to talk to us."
"All visiters must state there reason for wanting to speak to the mayor." The guard responded to Twilight's irritation.
"Oh shut up, Herald!" They heard a voice from inside the building. They looked to find an old blue pony with one of those fancy hats with fake fruit on it. Her cutie mark was a scroll with writing on it. She seemed older than Granny Smith.
"But Mayor, the rules clearly state that-" He is interrupted by the Mayor.
"I said shut it! These two are perfectly trustworthy. Now come in. I'll take you to my office."
"But, May-" He stopped himself, realising it would get him nowhere.
"Don't mind him, come in, come in." She invited them. And they were not going to argue.
As the three mares walked through the halls and up the stares, they shared different experiences they've had.
"Ha, those are some interesting stories." The mayor said.
"Why i remember when i first came into office. Everybody was going crazy over a mare being in this position of power. Anyway, i'm sorry for the trouble Herald caused you. He's new."
"Oh, it's alright. He was just following the rules." Twilight justified.
"I guess your right. Most of the guards here are stiffs. Now come in." She opened the door to her office. They walked in and sat down.
"So what did ya need to talk with me about?"
Before Twilight could talk, Pinkie jumped in.
"Do you chop ponies into rainbows!?"
Uh, what?" The mayor asked, confused at what she heard.
Twilight took over. "Oh, it's nothing really. My friend got this wierd notion that you take failed flyers to the weather factory. Where they are chopped up and turned into rainbows for the sake of the weather."
The mayor looked shocked. She paused for a moment and snapped out of it. "Oh, well I assure you that kind of activity does not go on here. But you must be thirsty. How about some drinks?" The mayor asked, changing the subject,
"Oh sure" Said Twilight.
"No thanks, I'm thirsty for the truth!" Explained Pinkie.
"Right, well i'll get a guard to get something together." The mare walked out, and stayed out for about fifteen minutes. Nearly boring the ponies to death. Eventually, the door opened. But instead of a guard with some drinks, there were five guards with spears surrounding them.
"What is going on?" Asked Twilight.
"Under order of the Mayor, you are under arrest."
"What!?" Yelled Twilight.
To Be Continued...
1917303 Actually, this is reveal in the 4th chapter. In this world, Rainbow Factory is a story. Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo are still alive. It never actually happened. But the place exists. And Rainbow Dash is not running it. That's why she isn't in the main characters of the story.
You have a few errors in your writing. Several quotation marks are missing and any time a character starts speaking it needs to be put on a new line. Don't be afraid to put description of ponies, like what colors are the mayor of Cloudsdale mane/tail and her coat? The guards as well, you don't need to go crazy but just take a simple color wheel and pick some at random... that is if you want to.
Chapters are a tad short but that's just a nit pick of mine.
I think you have Pinkie's character spot on with her just being very open about what she thinks or is on her mind.
1917512 Well i appreciate your criticism.
Grammar never was the strongest aspect of my writing. Maybe you could send me some sort of grammar guide.
Honestly, i am surprised to get a comment on being descriptive of characters. Usually, i can describe characters pretty well. I have another story in the works. And every character gets there own description. I'll consider fixing that.
Yeah, while i can describe characters, i can't describe scenery or anything other than characters very well.
Pinkie is my favorite pony. Of course i would have her down. That's why she's the main character. She's like a book to me. That and it doesn't work with any of the others. And again, she is my favorite.
Oh, and thanks for the fav, and thanks for your time.
1917663 You're very welcome. As for grammar I have an editor to catch the stuff I miss (which is a lot more than i'll admit), FiM has groups made for this very purpose. If you do your own editing I recommend The Editor's Omnibus (EQD) as a good starting point.
1920875 Well, simply for my convenience, what is the name of the Editor? And the groups.
Thanks for the help.
Below is the like to just one of many editor groups on FiM, The Editor's omnibus I linked in my prior post.
looking for editors group
1921710 Well thank you kind sir!
1921801 You are very welcome
1917512 Hey, cold you list the quotation marks i missed. As in number of quotes missed per chapter. I feel like an idiot for not even getting quotation entirely right.
1928965 I would if I wasn't busy with getting ready for my next semester of collage, dealing with my full time job, my own stories and a few more I can't mention with out going into a rant about. If you get an editor you can ask them. I'm sorry if I have come off as rude here but stress and having to deal with this day (Having to work on my day off) has put me in a sour mood. Also i'm sorry for sounding like a b****.
The Rainbow Factory has stolen all my likes
1929223> Well, thanks anyway,\. And i understand. I have been trying to get an editor. I haven't gotten any bites yet.
1929773 Yeah, sorry rainbow dash. But your not in this story. And if it makes you feel better, i never liked rainbow factory.
when will new chapters come up??
1933974 I'm working on it right now. It should be out today or tomorrow. Also, if you want something to help you wait, here is the original, unedited chapter 1. As well as the first chapter of my next story.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8876021/1/Road-to-the-Rainbow-Factory
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8882131/1/Battle-for-equestria-Journey-to-the-frozen-north
Just copy and paste that.