Disappear

by ShimmeringStallion

Now You See Me...

Now You See Me...

Derpy Hooves had a good day so far. Spending time with her Ponyville friends was something she enjoyed when she was away from Cloudsdale; they always made her feel right at home. She was a rather clumsy mare, but her friends didn’t care about that. They didn’t judge her for her actions (thankfully), but for who they knew she was on the inside; it was this kindness that made her feel like Ponyville was more of a home for her than Cloudsdale, the home of the Pegasi.

Having just picked up a book from the library, Derpy was full of glee and eager to fly home and start reading. It was spoken of in high regard by her old friend and one of the Pegasi responsible for control of the weather in Ponyville, Rainbow Dash. The book was part of a series of adventure books featuring a Pegasus named “Daring-Do,” but she knew nothing else about it from a personal standpoint. When in Cloudsdale, if no one needed help with anything (or at least, if no one wanted her help with anything), Derpy would usually take a nap until she felt like seeing her friends. This was a decent substitute, seeing as how it was free to borrow books from Twilight Sparkle, the Ponyville librarian and close friend of Rainbow Dash. It couldn’t hurt to give it a glance, in any case.

Taking note of the time on the distant clock tower, Derpy decided to take a detour while walking through Ponyville. She stopped off at a water fountain that was out of the view of other ponies, for a quick drink of the clean water pooled at the bottom of the fountain. While drinking, she heard a voice behind her. She didn’t pay attention at first, but recognized the words they were saying, prompting her to stop drinking in order to look behind her and listen.

“… ‘-e Quest for the Sapphire Stone’… If I may ask, is it any good?” Derpy turned around to be greeted by a dark, dark blue stallion of similar size to herself and a short, smoke-grey mane and longer tail of matching color, carrying coupled saddlebags on his back and wearing a strange brown hat on his head; it seemed similar to the one that Rainbow Dash’s friend Applejack wore, but with a much smaller brim all around it, and not quite as tall, though maybe that was because it was tipped forward slightly. The look of curiosity on the pony's face reminded Derpy that she never answered his question, prompting her to say, “I hope so, Rainbow Dash sure thinks it is!” with a cheerful smile.

The stallion backed up a bit in order for Derpy to turn around and face him. He seemed nice (like most ponies in Ponyville), with brown eyes and a friendly smile. He looked like an average Ponyville stallion aside from the hat, but spoke in a tone not unlike that which she had heard ponies speak in Canterlot. The stallion took a single step back to bow properly, keeping the hat on his head. “Ah, I must apologize, it is quite rude of me to expect one to introduce themselves unless I am to introduce myself first. My name is Vanish. I am humbled to meet you Miss…?” He seemed to like leading his own sentences so that she would answer them.

“Hooves! Derpy Hooves.” She extended her hoof for a hoof-shake, and Vanish was quick to answer it with his own. Derpy heard the distant clanging of a large bell sounding off, and realized it was the clock tower signaling the time. The stallion was facing away from the tower, but didn't even flinch at the sound of the loud bell. “If I may ask, where is this Miss… ‘Dash’ was it?” The stallion slightly tipped his hat up and looked around briefly, noticing nopony else in the nearby vicinity and promptly expelling a disheartened sigh at their own misfortune, before a look of worry seemed to fill their eyes. “My employer requested that I deliver a message to her with the utmost haste, but… I cannot seem to locate her.”

Derpy smiled with joy at the well-spoken pony. She knew she could help him, and she rarely got the chance to help anypony in Ponyville, or Cloudsdale. “I-I can help! I’ll be passing by Rainbow Dash on her way to Ponyville. I’d be more than happy to show you where she is!" The young stallion responded with a rather coy smirk on his face. “Are you, now?" The smirk turned into a smile. "Well, certainly! I’m always glad to accept help, wherever I may find it. Lead the way, but please hurry; I care not to incur the wrath of my employer.” The pony sounded worried, but as Derpy began trotting towards Cloudsdale, he followed close.

Making it past other ponies and galloping out of Ponyville and onto the main path leading to Cloudsdale (among many other places), Derpy realized that she could help her new friend even more by delivering the message for him. “Oh! Why don’t I deliver the message to Rainbow Dash, when I see he-…!” Derpy felt something hit her hard in the back of her head. She fell down face-first, sliding next to a large boulder that stood just off to the side of the dirt path, and saw her book slide ahead of her, freed from the weighted saddlebag she had been carrying it in. She could hear somepony approach her from behind as she struggled to stay conscious.

“That would be splendid, my dear. When you see her, would you be so kind as to ask her something on my behalf?” Derpy tried standing as she heard something hit the ground near her, and was suddenly introduced to a massive burning sensation coming from her wings, but couldn’t turn around to see what it was, since she was being pinned down by something or somepony. The burning feeling subsided, and her back felt numb. Vanish walked in front of her and raised his front hoof, as if making an effort to lend his hoof in assistance.

“Be sure to ask her… to help you.” Vanish dropped his hoof on Derpy’s face with force, causing her to become close to being knocked out entirely. She saw Vanish walk forward and grab her book before darting off in the direction of Cloudsdale, leaving Derpy in the middle of the path to greet unconsciousness alone.

---

“I can’t believe I have to clear Town Square of the clouds. AGAIN! Didn’t I just do that, like, an hour ago?” Rainbow Dash found herself angrily ranting to a non-existent audience: She was mane-deep in the most recent adventure of Daring-Do, before suddenly remembering (as in, being reminded by a fellow Pegasus) that she had a weather job to complete. She made a mad dash through the air, rushing over the path to Ponyville. “Ugh... Maybe if I do this quick, I can get back to the story before I forget anything.”

Suddenly, something caught her eye, and snapped her out of her dash. “Wait… what’s that down there? Is that… a book?” She was surprised to see anything on the path between Cloudsdale and Ponyville that wasn’t the occasional pony, let alone something that somepony seemed to toss aside meaninglessly. Most ponies from Ponyville were far too caring to just discard their belongings on the dirt path like this, but what caught her eye wasn’t the book, which lay closed in the middle of the path, but the cover of the book. It was of “Daring-Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone”: The first in the series, and a book Rainbow Dash knew from front to back. “Somepony just threw this away!? That pony is gonna rue the day they disrespected a book I like!”

Rainbow Dash used her hoof to open the book, knowing that Twilight Sparkle was organized enough to write down the name of the pony who checked it out, on the history placard that was just inside the book. To Rainbow Dash’s surprise, among many other names listed (mostly her own), the most recent was “Derpy Hooves”. “Ugh… Derpyyyy…” Her mood swung from somewhat angry to mildly annoyed, as Rainbow figured that, Derpy being who she was, she probably caused it to fall out of her bag and didn’t even realize it. Rainbow grabbed the book with her mouth, having no saddlebag to place it in considering how it would hinder her speed and agility for jobs, and decided to carry it back to Ponyville, to give to Derpy herself, or Twilight if she could not find Derpy in Ponyville. She knew that Derpy meant well, even if she was a bit of a klutz at times.

But as Rainbow Dash flew over the path slowly, so as to not damage the book with trotting or speed, she heard something else. The closer she got to the source of the sound, the more it sounded like somepony crying. Rainbow Dash landed on the path again, and looked around. She thought she heard the crying coming from a large boulder off to the side of the path. Her suspicions were confirmed as she drew closer to it, the sobs increasing in volume slowly. Rainbow Dash put the book down so that she could talk. “Hey, is somepony here? I heard some crying and…” Rainbow stopped, because she saw the drooped, blonde tail of a Pegasus she was all-too-familiar with.

“Derpy, is that you? Look, if this is about your book, I’ve got it right here! You must have dropped it or some-,” She was interrupted by the voice of the pony behind the boulder. “RAINBOW DAAAASH!” The sobbing became louder, and Rainbow Dash ran around the huge rock that was obscuring her view, to see Derpy sitting down and turned towards her, tears rolling down her face. “My… my wings hurt… they feel funny… Please… Help!” Derpy couldn’t speak clearly, struggling to speak through the sobs. Despite that, Rainbow Dash went around her in order to examine Derpy's wings, for herself.

“… W-W-What the hay!?” Rainbow Dash couldn’t believe what she was looking at. Derpy’s sobbing quieted down, but it didn’t matter if it had been blaring like a siren, for the sight in front of Rainbow caused her to be locked in a stunned silence, before stumbling backwards from the shock. Derpy turned around to see Rainbow’s face, and reactively looked at her own wings. The shock of what she saw caused her to faint, leaning against the boulder and remaining propped up against it, despite now being in a state of unconsciousness.

Derpy’s back was as grey as the rest of her coat, except the area where her wings were, including the space between them. It seemed to be charred black, like a badly burnt marshmallow, but smelled far more pungent in its stench. It stretched from wing to wing, a long, black, charred line. But what shocked Rainbow the most was that where Derpy’s wings once were, now there was simply blackened, charred, almost circular patterns. If somepony didn’t know better, they would have thought Derpy was an Earth Pony by sight. But Rainbow Dash knew the truth, and as impossible as it was, there was no denying the image in front of her:

Derpy Hooves, a Pegasus, had no wings.

Author's Note:

Now, don't hold back on your constructive criticism, or even just REGULAR criticism! Heh... The reason I posted this as my introductory fanfic is to get different ideas of how I can change my format, and apply it to later works. I know I can do better, but I lack the knowledge of 'how'. This... is where I eagerly anticipate the comments of the others who may view this. Regardless of whether those who view, comment or not, I hope you enjoy reading this, all the same.

Oh, and for the record, Vanish's "profile" will be posted in the Author's Notes of Chapter 2. There's nothing too specific, but it can always be used as a point of reference, especially since his cutie mark is never mentioned in the story.

Comments

[Ambrosia_Firehoof13]

As promised. I started reading this today...First chapter is indeed interesting. I was not mistaken to take a look at this. So first things first...

Interesting beginning...Derpy having a normal day, meets a seemingly normal stallion, and then finds out that her wings are gone. Way to make a first impression there buddy. Vanish is going to be a very closely watched character. By they way you have the characterizations done very well. Personalities, looks, the like. Very well done.

The setting is well done. Very descriptive while not being overly descriptive. The execution of actions is placed rather well.

The conversation is excellent and seemingly flawless...

Keep it up.

~Ambro~

[ShimmeringStallion]

2269062 I don't want to reveal spoilers ahead of time, so it's hard to know what to reply with.

Being my first published story on FIMfiction, the first thing I wanted was to make the characters have clearly differing personalities so that the reader could tell who was who, rather easily. I knew I'd be using a lot of characters, so I needed to keep writing drafts until I could get a good 'feel' for each character, in terms of how they sounded, acted, and the like. I'll admit, there are two flaws that I usually couldn't get right: Smells in the air (one of the five senses, thus needed to immerse a reader), and of course, descriptions of scenery. Aside from the weather or things they make direct contact with, I don't usually go into much.

I'm not a 'rookie author', exactly, so I could have done better here and there... Nnnnngh... I thank you for the analysis, though!