Better Than Best

by Signas

Ch. 2 - Feathered Flier Fancies Fine Flanks

If there is one positive thing I can say about Ponyville, it's that it doesn't take long to get there from Canterlot. Well, it doesn't take long for a pegasus, anyway, and especially not for me. In less than an hour's flight, I found myself hovering over the epicenter of lameness itself. I could only pray that my quest would end swiftly, if only for my sanity's sake.

Judging by the bustling crowd below, I could only assume that it was a town square of sorts. Deciding to come to Ponyville during the early afternoon may not have been a fantastic choice, but I wasn't about to wait all day just for those bumpkins to leave. Besides, they'd all get to see my awesome landing procedure! Spotting a relatively unoccupied area, I pulled my wings close and let myself fall straight down. I gave a quick glance below me; unsurprisingly, the ponies were starting to take notice. They had these dumb looks on their faces, like 'golly gee, that there pony's gonna kill herself' or something. I swear, this move never gets old.

Just mere moments before hitting the ground, I spread my wings and caught the wind so I could slow down a bit. This is one of my favorite moves; I call it the 'Dead Drop'. It's a lot quicker than the typical pegasus method of landing, and way funnier. Of course, the main reason I love it so much is that most ponies can't pull it off without hurting themselves. Serves them right for being posers.

Unfortunately, I was having a little too much fun reveling in the shocked looks of my audience, and spread my wings a second too late. I felt the impact of my back hitting the ground way more than I had intended; it was like a painful shock of irony shooting through my spine. Whatever, it's not like I was really trying that hard anyway. It still hurt like a bitch, though. I tried opening my eyes a bit, and found myself staring up into several blurry faces.

"Holy cow, is she alright?!"

"Somepony get a doctor, she needs help!"

"Golly gee, that there pony's done killed herself!"

I'm honestly not sure what was more painful; my aching back or the unnatural simplicity of my onlookers. I could have kept laying there to give them a scare, but I figured I had better things to do. Besides, I'm a nice pony. Unfortunately, getting up with a busted up backside wasn't an easy task, but at least one of the ponies had the common sense to help me up. I didn't think of the consequences as I grabbed the yellow hoof in front of me; in retrospect, I probably should have.

"Well, shucks, are you a'right little lady?"

My savior's face was still a little blurry, but that ridiculous drawl set off at least five different red flags. "Y-Yeah, I'm great. Never felt better." With a quick shake of my head, I cleared the fog from my eyes and attempted to maintain some semblance of balance. But I guess my 'hero' wanted to kill me, because he threw one of his greasy forelegs around my obviously injured back and pulled me into some creepy hillbilly hug.

"Ain't that just a relief! We all thought you'd bought the farm!" As the assailant continued shaking me, I noticed that the other onlookers were beginning to dissipate. It was just as well; the fewer ponies who saw this, the better. Once the shaking had ceased, I looked into the face of my companion.

Oh sweet Celestia, it was worse than I thought.

"Name's Hayseed Turniptruck! Pleasure to make yer acquaintance, missy!" The appropriately named stallion threw his free leg out towards the town, as if to show me some hidden beauty that I obviously wasn't seeing. "Welcome to Ponyville!"

"Uh... yeah, okay..." I honestly was at a loss for words. 'Hayseed' was every bit the redneck stereotype, from his crazy voice to his greasy brown mane and buck teeth. He was even wearing a nasty old shirt; it was like he was wearing clothes for the sole purpose of looking like a creeper. In other words, he'd fit right in at Canterlot. But he was definitely a citizen of Ponyville, which meant that he could at least be useful. "I don't suppose you know Rainb-"

"Hey, I just got a great idea!" The pain increased as Hayseed began forcing me to walk alongside him. "The Apple Family Reunion's comin' up in a few days, so you should stop on by and have some fun with us! It'll be great!"

The Apple Family Reunion? Wow, if they were all like this guy, I didn't even want to know what 'fun' they would be having. "I... think I'll pass. Look, do you know Rainbow Da-"

"Well shucks, of course I know ol' Rainbow Dash! Everypony does!"

"Great! Can you tell me where her friends are?" I gritted my teeth as I made a mostly-successful attempt at smiling.

"Why, we're all her friends! Every one of us!"

Coming from Hayseed, that line sounded way sketchier than it needed to. "No, I mean like-" And then it hit me. I had been in such a hurry to talk to Rainbow Dash's friends that I hadn't even asked Joe what their names were. Sheesh, I was just dropping the ball left and right. "Like, her best friends."

"We're all best friends in Ponyville!" Yeah, that was my cue to leave. I could practically smell the serial killer coming from this guy. Mixed with his natural body odor, it was not a pleasant scent.

"Well, alright, see you around." Or not. Before he could even respond, I was out of his grasp and blasting towards who knows where. Just as long as it wasn't behind a building with Hayslasher Sisterbucker. Once I had made it a fair distance away, I had to rest for a bit before my back would literally start screaming at me. I hate resting, but I wasn't getting anywhere just flying aimlessly.

Alright, think Lightning! They were all there at the academy, what did they look like? I wracked my brain, but the amount of craps I gave about those girls was just too small to remember. Except for one. One of them was... pink? Like, really buckin' pink. And annoying. Unfortunately, pink and annoying describes a lot of ponies in Equestria. This one seemed to stand out though. I didn't have much else to go on, so I'd just have to settle for asking about the 'annoying pink pony'.

After walking around Ponyville for a bit, it actually started to seem like an alright place. I wasn't being assaulted by any more rednecks, and the ponies were at least pretty friendly. Boring, but friendly. It certainly had a homey feeling, even though I wouldn't live there in a million years. I was on a mission, but that didn't mean I couldn't at least try to enjoy the scenery.

And speaking of 'scenery', I made a bend around some buildings and was immediately greeted by the choicest flanks I had ever seen. Like, holy crap, I couldn't even tear my eyes away from that rump. I didn't even care if somepony saw me staring, an ass like that doesn't just waltz in front you every day. Her white coat even had three diamonds on it, obviously signifying the quality of her assets. Eventually, she walked into some fancy round house, but I just kept watching. Seriously, those were the nicest tangent-inducing flanks I had ever seen since... well, mine.

In my flank-induced stupor, I hadn't even realized that I wasn't alone. Like, just a couple inches away from me, a grey pegasus was focusing on the same building. This normally wouldn't bother me, except that we were standing in the shade of a house, which is the ideal stalking spot for psychos. "Hey, you." I figured I may as well get some answers out of her before she tried to kill me.

"Wha-" She whipped her blonde mane around, apparently unable to notice that I was standing right there next to her. Eventually, she managed to meet me eye-to-eye. Or she would have, if one of her eyes wasn't derped to the extreme. "O-Oh, hi there! I didn't even notice you."

"Do you know who lives in that house?" Just in case she somehow didn't know what I was talking about, I pointed my hoof towards the building that Sweet-Cheeks went into.

"Oh, that's Carousel Boutique. That's where, um..." She scrunched her face a little; I couldn't read her very well, what with the eyes throwing me off and everything. But somehow, I don't think her pause meant she forgot the occupant's name. "That's where... Miss Rarity lives."

Rarity, huh? That was a pretty fitting name. I'd have to, uh, introduce myself at some point. But I had arguably more pressing matters to attend to. "You wouldn't happen to know Rainbow Dash or her best friends, would you?"

That seemed to catch her attention. "Yeah, I know Dashie!" A goofy grin spread across her suspiciously beet-red face. "And I've been one of her best friends since we were in school!"

Jackpot. It was only midday, and things were starting to look up. "Alright, spill it. What makes Rainbow Dash so great?"

"Huh?"

"You heard me." There was no way anypony with half a brain could misunderstand that question. "What makes me and her so different? What are her key strengths and weaknesses?"

"Um..." Wow, I didn't realize one pony could be so socially awkward. She just kept looking at her hooves and scratching the dirt. "I don't really know much about you, so I can't really answer that. But Dashie is really brave, and... fast. Is that what you were looking for?"

Brave and fast. I was brave enough to fly through Ghastly Gorge without skipping a heartbeat, and I'm sure as shit the fastest flier in Equestria. "Listen, lady," I said, trying not to lose my excessive amount of cool. "I need to know what makes Rainbow Dash such an amazing pony so that I can make myself the best around. If you don't know, point me in the direction of somepony who does."

"Wait, you want to copy Rainbow Dash?" This girl was seriously stepping on thin ice. "You don't need to do that. You should just be yourself."

With that stupid grin on her face, it was like listening to a bad self-help book. Obviously she wasn't going to be much help, and I mentally kicked myself for getting my hopes up. "Alright, fine. Is Rarity one of her friends?"

"R-Rarity?" She started whipping her head around again. Sheesh, this pony was beyond hopeless.

"Buck it, I'll ask her myself." It was a pretty good plan; I'd have an excuse to meet this fine-flanked individual, and maybe I'd even get what I actually came to Ponyville for. As I made my way towards the boutique, Cross-Eyes started yelling at me.

"By the way, my name's Ditzy Doo!" I swear, it's like the citizens of Ponyville were trying to match their names. Oh well, I didn't have time to bother with her anymore. There was a fine unicorn just waiting to become acquainted with ol' Lightning Dust. I guess Rarity couldn't wait anymore, because sure enough, the door swung open and gave me my first view of her from the front; oddly enough, I couldn't help but feel like I had seen her face before. This new mystery almost distracted me from the fact that there was somepony with her this time.

"Sweetie Belle, please. I have so much work to do today, so I just can't play with you right now."

The filly, who I guess was named 'Sweetie Belle', was like me in the sense that she didn't take no for an answer. "Come on, Rarity, please?" Her squeaky voice cracked a little, which was kind of cute in an annoying way. "Apple Bloom's getting ready for her family reunion, so she can't go crusading today!"

"Why can't you play with Scootaloo?"

"Because crusading is at it's most, uh, efficient with three ponies!"

"Oh Sweetie Belle," Rarity whined, "what am I going to do with-"

"I'll play with her."

Rarity, Sweetie Belle, and myself all shared an expression of confusion at that last comment. I was even more confused when I realized that it had come from me. "Uh, I'm Lightning Dust, by the way." I figured I should at least introduce myself before taking care of somepony's foal.

I'm not sure Rarity was convinced; she cocked her eyebrow with the sort of expression I was probably giving Appleseed Tractorfella earlier. "Um, thank you, but I couldn't possibly impose on a stranger."

"It's no problem, I'm great with kids!" Admittedly, I didn't actually have much experience to base this on, but I was awesome at everything else so I didn't see why not. Besides, I wasn't about to pass up some brownie points. "Just leave her to me, and you can get your work done. I'll even do it for free."

I thought for sure that my natural charisma would be enough to convince her, but Rarity still didn't seem too pleased with the idea. Even Sweetie Belle looked skeptical. But if I was a quitter, I wouldn't have ever made it to the levels of coolness I had. "Don't worry, I always make sure to be safe. Ask anypony, I'm the safest mare in Equestria!" It's not like I was lying.

"Er..." Rarity started biting her lip; never a good sign. "Thank you, but... I just realized that I actually have some free time! Come on Sweetie Belle, let's play inside."

"Yay!" The little filly hopped after Rarity, and the door was shut before I could even say anything. Thinking back on it, that may have been a little sketchy. Just a little. But hey, the day wasn't over yet, and I still had plenty of ponies to see. I just wouldn't be getting any action.

When I turned back towards the town, I noticed a grey figure fly off from the building I had been standing behind; it was probably Ditzy again. Sheesh, what a wierdo.

---

So I had already met a few ponies, and still hadn't really learned much other than hillbillies are terrifying and Rarity's hot. Not what I would call a successful outing, and it had to have been pretty late in the afternoon by that point. Eventually, I'd have to start resorting to asking about annoying pink ponies, but that seemed almost as awkward as asking a stranger to play with her sister.

I started thinking about what I could have been doing instead of running around on this wild goose chase. What I should have been doing. I could have been flying around with Rainbow Dash and being an awesome stunt flier. Everypony would know my name, and it would be synonymous with extreme. Instead, I was walking around with a hurt back and getting hugs from rednecks.

"Dammit, what went wrong?!" I shook my hoof towards the sky, angry at the cards fate had cruelly dealt to me. "Did I do something, Celestia?! Did I piss you off?!"

My answer came in the form of a speeding metal object nearly lopping my head off. The thing that just sailed over me landed nearby and made a sharp turn before stopping completely. Turned out it was actually a scooter being marehandled by a little orange punk. Admittedly, that was actually a pretty cool trick. And if some little filly could pull that off...

"Hey kid," I called out. "Come over here."

In mere seconds, the filly scooted her way over. Her tiny little wings were buzzing like crazy, it was hilarious. "You need something, ma'am?"

"Yeah." I grinned, almost as much as I knew the kid would be grinning pretty soon. "Let me see that for a second. I wanna show you a trick or two."

Comments

[Signas]

Alright, second chapter is up. Hope you guys like it, and feel free to offer constructive criticism, of course.

And hell yes, Lightning Dust tag is a go.

[SuperMarioDemon]

A fimfic involving Lightning Dust? Fnly!

[nodamnbrakes]

have i mentioned how much i love this?

[FeignedSincerity]

"Appleseed Tractorfella" and "Hayslasher Sisterbucker" should be ponies. They sound like so much fun!

[Arakos]

"Yeah." I grinned, almost as much as I knew the kid would be grinning pretty soon. "Let me see that for a second. I wanna show you a trick or two."

This is either going to turn out awesome, or it's going to turn out amazing. One or the other, or all of the above. Take your pick.

[Telaros]

EEE I was just stopping by after finally seeing a Lightning Dash tag in the search engine and whee~ a chapter 2 of all things! Happy day indeed <3

[Telaros]

Derpy crushing on Rarity? Haven't seen that in fics since FOREVER ago. Seeing those two just not noticing each other till Rarity's ass was well past the doors, was a cute image.

Super-duper tired at the moment but felt I should comment anyways. Great follow up! I'll stop posting all the fav scenes like those awkward moments with a certain fine flanked mare, no not Lightning Dust I meant the OTHER one.

I was expecting Rarity to speak up or something at the 'take care of your foal' comment. LD than saying 'sister' at the end just confused me as to when LD knew it was her sister and not Rarity's foal.

That ending, makes me look forward towards chapter 3 even more ^^

/sleep

[Larger Seagull]

Buck yeah, a Lightning Dust tag! All that's needed is a new emoticon and we'll be set.

So, Lightning Dust met Scootaloo. Now she'll make some headway. Oddly enough though, she missed the opportunity to talk to both Rarity and Applejack.

However, you might want to give LD just a bit more of a good streak. As the protagonist, she shouldn't really be a 100% jerk.

[Seether00]

Yeah! Lightning Dust tag. Now all she needs is her own group.

[AdobE]

I was trying to hit "favorite" and accidentally thumbed down, but then fimfic told me I couldn't. Huh.

[Signas]

1896161

I think the only way to change a downthumb is to give a thumbs up. For some odd reason, you can't just take one away. At least not from what I've seen in the past, not sure if it's changed or not.

No big deal, though.

[silvadel]

Um -- creeping out Rarity at that level is a good way to get Rainbow Dash in your face level attention.

Of course if you want the most unbiased opinion of Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo is the pony to ask... She doesn't have a pedestal high enough to set RD on.

[Holy]

Too bad Dust blew it; Her and Rarity was a ship I'd actually like to see.