I Dream of Pinkie

by 2K Chrome

Snap Back to Reality

"When your dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part. You get out of bed and down on your knees, for a moment you can hardly breathe." –John Mayer

Lucid spent all night working on his plan. The hours flew by as he made his plan. It was so simple, yet so complicated. Every fiber of his soul wanted Pinkie Pie, but in a different way now. Lucid was willing to take Pinkie Pie’s love if she wouldn’t hand it to him.

Lucid walked into Sugarcube Corner. His saddlebags were filled to the brim with bits, clothes and more.

“Good morning Mr. Snooze!” Mrs. Cake said with a smile. “Pinkie Pie is in the back.” She giggled and gave him a wink.

A sly smile appeared on Lucid’s face. Perfect… Lucid thought.

Lucid walked into the kitchen to see Pinkie Pie kneading some dough. She didn’t seem to notice him walk into the room. Lucid opened his saddlebag and took out a frying pan.

Lucid crept up behind Pinkie Pie. He raised the frying pan high over his head. He brought it down on Pinkie’s mane with full force. Pinkie’s mane was pushed down, but quickly inflated again and acted as a trampoline. Lucid let go of the pan as it was sent flying to the opposite wall and hit it with a thud.

Pinkie Pie turned around and a smile appeared on her face. “Oh hey Snoozy!” Lucid scowled as Pinkie said his name. “I didn’t see you there. I hope you’re not too mad about yesterday. I just don’t think about you that way.”

“Well I uh…” Lucid stuttered. He hadn’t planned for the frying pan to flat out fail. He would have to improvise. “I… uh… oh forget it.”

Lucid searched through his backpack and took out a rope.

“Oooh… what’s the rope for? Are we going to play a game?!” Pinkie said cheerily.

Lucid tied all four of Pinkie’s legs together. He made sure the knot was tied tight. Even in danger, Pinkie Pie saw only the best of possibilities.

Lucid picked up Pinkie Pie onto his back. He peered outside the back exit to check if there were any ponies. Once the coast was clear, Lucid continued with his plan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucid threw Pinkie Pie into a small boat. Public transportation would be a bad idea. Everypony would be able to see the tied-up Pinkie Pie. He would just have a private boat trip with Pinkie Pie until he reached Manehattan by the river. There, he would live the rest of his life while detaining Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie may not be happy, but Lucid sure would be.

“Umm… Snoozy, playing this game is fun and all, but what exactly is the point of it?” Pinkie Pie asked earnestly.

Lucid facehoofed. He rolled his eyes. “Listen, Pinkie. I’m capturing you and you’re going to live with me for the rest of your life in Manehattan, okay?” Lucid said sharply.

Pinkie’s smile fell. “Wait what?! But I don’t want to go to a place filled with rich snobby ponies! I want to stay here, in Ponyville, where all my friends are!” Pinkie pleaded.

Lucid didn’t want to hear Pinkie rant. He reached into his saddlebag again and took out some duct tape.

Lucid laid back as the current of the river slowly took the boat down the river. In front of him lay Pinkie Pie, tears silently pouring out of her eyes as her mouth was taped shut.

She’ll get over it Lucid thought. It’s time to relax and think about my future with Pinkie. Lucid sighed in leisure and closed his eyes.

He quickly sat up. This can’t be right Lucid thought. The current of the river picked up. How did I get to the river without anypony noticing me? Waves started to slam against the side of the boat. How could I actually act out a plan this stupid? The boat began to break apart as the current began to grow even faster. And how did I find out this river led to Manehattan? In front of Lucid was a rushing waterfall. Lucid’s eyes grew wide in realization.

The boat fell over the waterfall. Everything seemed to be in slow motion as Lucid and Pinkie Pie were thrown out of the boat. Pinkie was flailing about as she fell to the bottom of the waterfall with a loud, smashing splash.

Lucid remained calm as he fell through the air. He knew everything was going to be alright. He closed his eyes as he was about to smash against the water.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucid woke up with a start.

“Where… where am I?” Lucid asked as he sat up.

“You’re in Sugarcube Corner,” a lavender mare said. “You passed out, so we brought you inside Sugarcube Corner to rest until you woke up.”

Lucid held his hoof up to his head. Talk about déjà vu. “Oh hey Twilight. Thanks for all of that, but I faked passing out though,” Lucid replied.

“Really?” Applejack asked curiously. “Musta been when somepony dropped ya on the way here.”

On the other side of the room, Rainbow Dash gave out a small chuckle. “Hehe… yeah sorry about that…”

Lucid looked around the room. Everything was almost exactly the same from his dream, except one thing. There were six ponies there. And one was jumping up and down excitedly with a large smile on her face.

“It’s about time you got up sleepy head! It was getting soooo boooooring,” Pinkie said.

Lucid couldn’t believe his eyes. It was almost like getting a second chance at life.

“Oh hey Pinkie!” Lucid chuckled nervously. “Did you like my surprise?”

Pinkie Pie stopped jumping and walked over to him. Lucid looked at Pinkie curiously. There was never any way to expect her next move. Pinkie Pie grabbed hold of Lucid and pulled him into a deep kiss. Lucid was too surprised to kiss back. Pinkie drew back with just the slightest shade of red showing through her pink coat.

“Liked it? I loved it! That was one of the best presents I could have ever asked for!” Pinkie said.

Lucid was too shocked to speak. He could still feel the press of Pinkie’s lips against his. “Wha…but…i…”

Pinkie Pie just giggled. “Oh Snoozy! I knew you liked me for a long time! It wasn’t that hard to tell.”

Lucid was still too flabbergasted for actual sentences to come out of his mouth. Pinkie Pie continued.

“I was wondering when you were finally going to make your move. I was getting tired of waiting. So I set up the party just to see how you would do once you actually had some time with me!”

Lucid just stared at Pinkie. She had out-planned him. Everything, the party, the conga line, the slow dance was planned out for him. Pinkie Pie bonked him on the head with her hoof.

“Helloooo? You there Snoozy? I mean I know your talent is sleeping, but I didn’t think you could sleep with your eyes open!” Pinkie said with a smile.

The bonking finally snapped Lucid back to reality. “That’s great!” Lucid exclaimed. “I can’t believe this! I didn’t think you felt the same way I did. I mean, who would want to go out with a pony whose talent is sleeping…”

Pinkie Pie pulled Lucid into an embrace. “I would.” Pinkie said.

Tears started to appear in Lucid’s eyes. Pinkie liked him. Pinkie actually liked him. It was a dream come true.

Pinkie Pie broke the hug. “Well come on! We still got the rest of my birthday! Let’s get to partying!”

“Uhh… Pinkie, the birthday party ended a few hours ago,” Rainbow Dash said.

“So??” Pinkie Pie said. “We can have a party just for us! Five of my bestest friends and of course…” Pinkie Pie wrapped a leg around Lucid’s shoulders, “my new coltfriend!” Lucid blushed intensely.

“Well this is Pinkie Pie we’re talking about,” Rarity said. “I suppose a few more hours of… partying will be fine.”

Everypony else nodded and proceeded to trot downstairs. Pinkie Pie stopped at the door. “Aren’t you coming Snoozy?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there soon,” Lucid replied.

Pinkie nodded and walked out the door, leaving Lucid alone.

Everything was turning towards his way. He had finally gotten the love of Pinkie Pie. There was just one more thing to do.

He jumped.

Comments

[Dark Lightning]

Wow, just, Wow.

(Clap,Clap,Clap,Clap,Clap,cont....)

[lilsprout]

I really liked the story! Good job! Now onto my thoughts, was Lucid dreaming the sad ending of him kidnapping pinkie pie? or was he dreaming the happy ending? I guess we'll never know because of that ending. Can you please add the 7 words that will make this story happy please? "and he landed safely on the ground." yay happy ending!

[2K Chrome]

131602

Well Lucid definitely dreamed the sad ending, but the question is: Did he have a dream within a dream? And happy endings are overrated.

[Thedever]

lol, he jumped...nice

[Anteh]

[2K Chrome]

Well this is somewhat disappointing I was hoping the story would make it to the premiere five thing up top.

How does a story even get on there?!?!

[Fin]

131683 Happy endings are never over rated... in fact this site has too few just my opinion though.

anyway good story.
-Fin

[neighsmith]

wait, he jumped? like up and down? or out a window? i'm sorry, but I don't get it... liked the rest of it though...

[2K Chrome]

136011

Horsefeathers, I was afraid someponies wouldn't get my ending.

Lucid jumps whenever he is unsure if he is dreaming or not.

[neighsmith]

136033

sorry for not catching onto that through out the story, but I really do like it!

[Lucefudu]

Starting sequence, was Ok. Gives enough details about the story for a nice start and it holds my attention neatly. But the sequence comes in which you describe his parents, which completely broke the flow of the story. I know you wanted to provide some backstory for Lucid Snooze (I see what you did here!), but I don't really think it fits... maybe you could scatter such information about his parents on different parts of the story (hard to say since the story is already complete). The 'flashback arc' is fine; just the two paragraphs that hold the description of his parents are what bothers me.There are very few instances where the text is flat (to be frank, I found it so only on Plushie White's description).

Confusion with titles, 2K: Filly = young mare. Colt = young stallion.
Hmmm... the marker that separates him looking at the dark clouds and him opening the door to the guards could've been better. I mean, the 'end' with him watching the clouds is fine, but the beginning of what came after the marker should have something more in it. Perhaps making the colt play, happily wonder, [insert happy stuff here], etc. This would be a nice 'calm before the storm' feel that would pack a nice suspense along with it.

One thing that gets me: Lucid knows that his life would be better with friends. And yet, he doesn't want to make some. Either he is:
A) Punishing himself for their death. If this is the case, more clarification is required (in a subtle, gentle way).
B) Some Deus Ex Machina on your part to exploit his loneliness to the max; making the plot advance and the reader feel empathy.
(This same problem can be viewed by his apparent duality over his parents. He blames them. He loves them.)
Yes, both parts need more elaboration. Lucid is like an emotional pipe-bomb. Sad/Happy at second's end.

His love for Pinks could've also been more... how can I say this... clearly conducted? I just think that skipping 30 days in his life is really bad. Of course you don't have to write each and every day he spent there, but you could add "on Xth day (or refrain from counting them) he went out with her", "on Yth day, both ponies just sat down and talked for hours, gazing the stars" or something like this.

AND: GRIMDARK CLIFFHANGER! Onwards with chapteern 2!

Pinkie seems awfully cheery for a pony who, up until the day prior, didn't want to see him for a while. Wait, I don't really see how this- OH! YOU SLY DOG, YOU!
That sentence in the ending, "He jumped." kind of killed the 'multiple ending' possibility. Everything was pointing towards it being real, but that sentence gave a too big of a hint towards us that he was dreaming. Without it, then the text would be left open for such interpretations:
A) Lucid dreamed the sad part of him abducting Pinkie (which is plausible, since you showed us that he 'liked' punishing himself) and then waking up for real.
B) Lucid effectively killing Pinkie and entering on a dream-state upon knowing of his imminent death.
C) Dreamception!

And this makes me go back to him tying Pinks up; that felt somewhat... strange on his part. I would understand if he were one American Psycho-like yuppie, but everything points out toward him not being one. So I question: was there really a need for him to kidnap her? It may seem like a Deus Ex Machina to get you to the ending you desired. But I don't know what could've been done in that sequence's place.

And, I'm done. I know it is almost pointless to criticize this, since it is an early work. But yeah, tips are tips, man!
PS: I always stand dumbstruck at how well I can criticize (in an objective way {?}) without being able to write decently.