Two Meatbags And A Robot In Equestria

by Bendy

Take Me To Your Leader

In Ponyville, outside the Planet Express Ship next to the remains of Rarity's House, the leader of Equestria Princess Celestia had met with Bender and... well Bender was his rude and generally obnoxious self, which resulted in really nothing productive being said between one another.

But the good news now Leela was carrying Fry down the Ship's steps.

"Greetings, I am Celestia. Welcome to--

"Why is your horn so big?" said Fry pointing his index finger at Celestia's horn.

"Woooo!" shouted Bender hooting.

Celestia sighed while she rolled her eyes.

"Because I'm an Alicorn OK?" she said sounding annoyed.

Leela placed Fry down on the ground next to the ship's stairs.

"Don't listen to Fry, he's an idiot."

"No, I'm doesn't!"

Celestia flapped her wings to fly into the air off her chariot to make her way towards Fry, then landed in front of him, which resulted in Fry to scream in fear while he placed his hands over his head to protect himself. At the same time Bender ran screaming up the ship's stairs to safety within the ship.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be so rude!" cried Fry.

"Don't hurt him!" Leela shouted while she went into a martial arts stance.

Leela heard Celestia's voice inside her head. "I'm not going to hurt him. I'm going to heal him."

Leela relaxed lowering her fists.

"Shh, look at me." Celestia said with a soft motherly voice while she looked down at the terrified form of Fry. "Everything is going to be OK. I'm not going to hurt you."

Fry looked up with tears in his eyes at Celestia's smiling face.

"You're not?"

"Of course not. In fact, I'm going to heal you." Celestia gently placed her right hoof on his chest causing Fry to shake in fear. "Relax, close your eyes and breathe deeply." she whispered.

Fry relaxed closing his eyes and took a deep breath.

Celestia's horn lit up with a bright yellow light, magic channeled out from Celestia's right hoof onto Fry's chest, causing a small area on Fry's chest where her hoof was to glow with blue sparkling light.

Fry felt a tingling sensation all across his body, he then soon could feel the pain washing away and the strength returning to his legs.

"Thank you very much."

Celestia smiled warmly in reply, then gently levitated him onto his feet, which caused him to stumble briefly, before regaining his balance.

"Now, take me to your leader."

"Uh Fry, I am the leader silly." she said while she gave him a weird look.

"Oh."

Fry walked back up the ship's stairs.

"Celestia?" said Leela.

"Do you know of any way we could get home?"

"Unfortunately, I do not have the knowledge to create a trans-dimensional portal to take you home to your own universe."

"So we're stuck here?"

"Well Discord, might be able to do it, but he's not exactly available."

"What do you mean?"

"Well Discord... is the spirit of chaos, so we have to keep him imprisoned in stone."

"Oh."

"So... since your people can travel the stars, I was wondering if you could share this knowledge with us?"

"Well I do have a book on board the ship that tells you how to increase the speed of light and create a spaceship."

"How... how does one increase the speed of light?"

"Well I'm a little rusty on how it works, but basically the engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is and the engines move the universe around it."

"Oh."

"Why do you ask anyway?"

"I'm not exactly sure if our sun will stay healthy and live forever, which in turn makes me fear I am not truly immortal." A single tear rolled down her left cheek. "For I have watched stars across the cosmos die for thousands of years, so I fear there's a chance all life as we know it will one day die on this planet. I cannot allow my little Ponies and all the other races and even the Changelings fade into the darkness to be forgotten forever."

"Even if your race didn't make it to the stars, in another parallel universe your people did make it to the stars."

"I can take comfort in that, thanks."

"Happy to help."

"I look forward to reading this book. For with this knowledge I can ensure the survival of all the races on this planet."

"You might have to watch out for some hostile Alien races."

"But not all aliens are hostile right?"

"Of course not. There's many friendly aliens too."

"Oh, good."

"I'll go get the book." Leela walked back up the ship's stairs into the cargo bay, which was still littered with Bender's bricks lying everywhere. "I really gotta clean this place up."

Just then Bender walked out from the crew's quarters next to the cockpit.

"So she's not gonna kill us?"

"No."

"Oh good."

He exited the ship by walking down the stairs.

Elsewhere Fry was sitting in the captain's seat in the cockpit looking bored.

"I imagine this planet doesn't have TV. So what the hell am I gonna do for fun?"

Outside Bender walked past Celestia.

"Bender?"

"What?!" Bender shouted turning around to give her an angry glare.

"You better behave yourself."

"Why?"

"Or I'll wipe your porno files with my magic."

"You wouldn’t dare!"

"Wouldn’t I?"

The two stared at one another in silence for about a minute, until Bender sighed in defeat.

"Fine, I'll behave myself."

"Good."

Leela walked down the ship stairs holding a red book.

"Here's the book you wanted."

Celestia's horn lit up surrounding the book in a golden aura, then levitated the books towards her.

"Thank you Leela."

"You're welcome."

Celestia flew back onto her chariot.

"I have other duties to attend to. So, goodbye for now."

With that her chariot took off into the sky leaving Bender and Leela alone outside the ship.

"Well, I'm gonna look at porno for a few hours." Bender said as he walked up the ship's stairs.

Just as Bender went inside the crew's quarters, Fry had exited the cockpit to walk across the cargo bay, then headed outside by walking down the ship's steps.

"So Leela, what are we gonna do?"

"Well Fry, we might possibly just have to spend our entire lives here."

"And?"

Leela sighed looking away from Fry.

"We have to look for jobs."

"Why?"

"To earn a living."

Fry gasped.

"Fry, we can't be jobless bums!"

"No, look up Leela."

Leela looked up to see Pinkie Pie standing in mid air above her head.

"OK, so you have the power to defy the laws of physics?"

"Yes." Pinkie Pie jumped down landing in front of Leela. "Anyway, I couldn’t help overhearing you're looking for jobs."

"Why yes, we are." said Leela.

"Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! I know just the jobs for you!"

"What?"

"You can help Applejack on her farm as an Applebucker."

"Applebucker?"

"You've got strong legs, so I think you'll be a perfect Applebucker."

"Well, it'll do for the moment."

"I'll ask AJ."

Just then Pinkie Pie became a pink blur as she darted off at supersonic speed.

"Maybe we could power the ship with Pinkie Pie?" Leela thought.

Seconds later, Pinkie Pie came back.

"She said yes."

"OK, how do I get there?"

"I'll take you there. Get on my back."

Leela got on Pinkie Pie's back, then Pinkie Pie darted off at supersonic speed, all the while Leela could be heard screaming.

"This is crazy." shouted Fry.

"I know right." said Pinkie Pie suddenly in his face looking at him upside down while she floated in mid air.

"……" Pinkie Pie turned her body upright in mid air, then dropped herself back onto her four hooves in front of Fry. "Anyway, what about my job?"

"You can be my assistant baker at Sugarcube Corner."

"I'm not good at cooking."

"Don't worry, I can teach you."

"OK. But can we just walk there?"

"Sure."

While Pinkie Pie and Fry walked away from the ship, a large group of Ponies wearing yellow hardhats and holding construction tools walked towards Rarity's house to rebuild it.

"At least we don't have to do interviews here." Fry thought.

"Normally you would."

Fry decided not to question how she read his mind, just in case the entire space time continuum collapsed.

***

In an apple orchard just outside Ponyville Applejack bucked an apple tree causing many apples to fall into the basket below.

"Just like that Leela. Now, you try."

"Hi-yah!" shouted Leela as she kicked an apple tree next to her, to result in many apples to fall off the tree into a basket below. "Hah, you're a natural."

***

Miles away on top of a snowy mountain Discord was fast asleep snoring loudly, due to being bored with the lack of chaos.

***

Inside the Planet Express Ship Bender was fast asleep on a hammock in the crew's quarters.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Bender's dream he was a five hundred feet tall giant walking through Ponyville, where he proceeded to go on a rampage by stomping on buildings destroying them and crushing panicking Ponies in the streets.

"I am your God now!" he roared.

He also fired thick red laser beams from his eyes vaporizing Celestia in the sky.

"Mwahahaha!" he laughed maniacally.

He burped a column of flame out from his mouth setting many buildings on fire.

"Burn!"

A huge brick dropped out from underneath him, which he then picked up and threw at Rarity's house smashing it.

-----------------

In the real world (or at least not in this parallel universe) Ponyville wasn't under attack by the giant robot Bender, Fry was approaching Sugarcube Corner alongside Pinkie Pie.

"This is Sugarcube Corner." she said with pride.

"Looks like a gingerbread house."

"Duh!" She opened the door. "Come on inside."

Fry walked inside to be greeted by Mrs Cake from behind her counter.

"Hello Fry!"

"Uh, hello."

"Pinkie Pie has told me so much about you."

"She has?"

"Yes, so how's things with your special somepony?"

"Special somepony?"

"You're lover."

"Good, I think."

"You think?."

"I think it's good."

"Well okay then."

Pinkie Pie walked up to the counter.

"Can I have Fry as my assistant?" she asked with pleading doggy eyes.

"First, I'll need to know if my husband agrees." she opened the door behind her and then shouted. "Can Pinkie Pie have an assistant to work with her?!"

"Sure." Mr Cake simply answered.

"Before I hire you Fry, do you have any experience in baking cakes and making candy in general?"

"Uh no."

"Well OK then, Pinkie Pie will teach you."

"Come on Fry." shouted Pinkie Pie while she grabbed him taking him inside the back of the shop.

***

Back within the Planet Express Ship inside the crew's quarters, Bender woke up, then stood up off his hammock, then made his way into the cargo bay and then down the ships stairs.

"You should go back inside?" said Rainbow Dash (with a red haversack on her back) as she flew down from the sky.

"Why?"

"We have a storm scheduled in half an hour."

"Scheduled?"

"Yeah, we control the weather."

"Righttt, next you'll be telling me you control the sun."

"Celestia does."

"Crazy shit. Wait, you Ponies control the weather?"

"Yes."

"Could you fire lightning at me?"

"What?! No!"

"Come on, I like lightning."

"But I could kill you!"

"Nah, lightning doesn't do any harm to robots."

"Oh."

"But it does make us high." he thought to himself

"I might fire lightning at you."

"I'll pay you fifty bits if you hit me with a few lightning bolts."

"Deal!"

She shook his hand, then he handed her fifty bits, which she put away in her haversack.

Little did Rainbow Dash know, that Bender stole those fifty bits when he was off sneaking around last night through Ponies' homes and notto mention Rainbow Dash just inadvertently agreed to be Bender's drug dealer.

"So you can keep one of the storm clouds for me later?"

"I sure will."

Rainbow Dash wasn't lying either. She started to think maybe Bender isn't so bad after all, for he did give her fifty bits.

Comments

[DiscountDiscord]

"Greetings, I am Celestia. Welcome to--

"Why is your horn so big?" said Fry pointing his index finger at Celestia's horn.

"Woooo!" shouted Bender hooting.

I agree. Woooo!