Equestrians in Termina

by MagicMissingno

#2, Three Days

AN: Welcome back everypony to the story! I must say that I was surprised that the story got over 100 views while I slept. Thanks for the comments. I must apologize for the pacing of the last chapter and this chapter, however when retelling the story of Majora’s Mask the first two chapters will have horrible pacing. Hopefully I’ll handle some of the inconsistencies of the last chapter.

For those of you into Easter Egg hunts, I placed a non-pony reference somewhere in the chapter. I will place a few of these thought the story but only as comic relief. There’s no prize for guessing where they come from but it’s always fun to spot a reference.

---

After taking a full two minutes to get over the fact that there were more of the mask salesman creature, Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Only three days huh? Even if we don’t sleep that only gives us seventy-two hours. Jeez, talk about demanding.”

Tatl spoke up. “Well, don’t just stand there! We’re going to see the Great Fairy!” Rainbow Dash stared at the fairy. “Look, you wanna find Skull Kid right? The Great Fairy will know what he’s up to. She watches over everything. Just go to the shrine near the north gate. You’ll find the Great Fairy there!” As Tatl finished talking, she noticed that Fluttershy was hiding behind Rainbow Dash. “Hey, what’s wrong with her?”

“You know her name, right?” Rainbow Dash asked the fairy.

“Yeah but what does-” Tatl stopped asking and the two pegascrubs could hear a tiny smack sound from her.

The three started walking to the north. Fluttershy was still close behind Rainbow Dash but she suddenly stopped. “Um…guys? What’s that?”

The two turned to see a creature in a similar body type to what Rainbow Dash called the salesmanites, however it was much smaller with a pink glow and little wings. For some reason it followed the group without making a sound. Fluttershy was as nervous as ever with all of this happening.

“Hey, don’t worry Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash said to her friend, “As soon as we get our forms back we’ll head back to Ponyvile. For now, let’s just concentrate on the task at hand.” Fluttershy didn’t stop worrying but she did feel a little comfort from Rainbow Dash’s words. “Besides, I’m not gonna let anything hurt you here. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

Fluttershy blushed once more as the group continued heading north. Soon they came across a small cave. “This is where the Great Fairy lives!” Tatl exclaimed. When they entered it, they saw many creatures like the one they just found. “Oh no, something happened to the Great Fairy!”

As Tatl said that; the creature following them joined the others and they joined together. The creatures shrank and then suddenly a large creature looking similar to a salesmanite came out with a haunting laugh. Fluttershy was now petrified with fear as Rainbow Dash stood in front of her friend defensively. Getting a better look, she could see some differences. The most obvious was the size. The creature was twice as large as a normal salesmanite. Its mane was a pale shade of yellow and it was barely covered by vines.

“Young ones of altered shape,” began the creature in a very soothing voice that seemed to echo, “Thank you for returning my broken and shattered body to normal. I am the Great Fairy of Magic. I thought the masked child was helping me, and I grew careless. I can only offer you magic power and mere trinkets as a sign of my gratitude. Please take them.”

Strange lights descended upon Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, making the two feel light headed. As the lights descended, two large bags and two tiny bags appeared behind the pegascrubs. Eventually the light stopped and they both felt a newfound energy in their bodies.

“If you focus your energy you can make bubbles of magic to attack your foes. Behind you are some bags. The large bags are magically enhanced to carry whatever you put in them and the smaller bags are small wallets to carry rupees in them.”

“Um, thank you miss fairy for these gifts.” Fluttershy said, still behind Rainbow Dash.

“Yeah, thanks. For a gigantic fairy, you’re not bad at all.”

The fairy chuckled and then started to speak again. “The man in the observatory outside of town may know of the Skull Kid’s whereabouts, but be careful. You must not underestimate that child’s powers. Return to me in an improved form and I shall grant you more help.” After she said that she returned to the fountain.

After a little bit of silence Rainbow Dash spoke up. “So we can shoot out magic bubbles? If only Ditzy Doo were here.” She looked to the ceiling. I might as well try it out. She thought of the energy in her and a bubble formed in her mouth. She thought of releasing it and it flied up to the ceiling leaving a green pool on it. “I can put snot on things! Nothing is safe from my mucus anymore!” After getting a not-so-weird look from Fluttershy she blushed. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”

They left the fountain and wandered outside. Rainbow Dash saw a small salesmanite with a straw thing aiming at a large balloon. It gave her an idea. “Hey Fluttershy, why don’t we practice our aim on that balloon? We’re probably not any good at it and if bubbles are our method of defense then we might want to shape up.” Fluttershy nodded and the two started to shoot bubbles at the balloon. Rainbow Dash had horrible aim and never got close, but Fluttershy had a few bubbles that only missed by a little bit. Eventually she shot a bubble and it hit the balloon in the middle, bursting it. “Hey, nice shot there Fluttershy!”

Fluttershy closed her eyes and gave her signature cheer. “Yay.”

Rainbow Dash giggled and turned to see that the small salesmanite was in front of them. “Hey, were you the ones that popped that up there?”

“No, it was just Fluttershy here.” Dash said turning to her friend whom was averting her gaze.

“Heh, not bad for a Deku Scrub. We bombers have a hideout that leads to the observatory outside of town. You need a code to get in. Maybe I’ll tell you what it is.”

“Well that’s great,” Rainbow Dash said, “So what’s the code?”

“Hang on, I can’t just give you the code. You’ll have to pass my test first. Line up guys!” Four other similar salesmanites ran up. “If you can find all five of us by tomorrow morning, I’ll teach you the code.” Then all five of them ran off in separate directions too quickly for anyone to keep track of them.

“Well, looks like to get some answers we’ll have to play some hide and seek.” Rainbow Dash turned to Fluttershy. “So how are we gonna-” she stopped talking when she saw Fluttershy following the ground intently. Rainbow Dash was about to ask what she was doing, but then she had a flashback.

---

Rainbow Dash was practicing a new trick when she saw Fluttershy walking hunched over in the distance. She wondered what was the matter so she flew over to her friend. “Hey Fluttershy, are you alright?”

Fluttershy looked up from the ground and saw Rainbow Dash. She blushed a little and smiled. “Oh, hey Rainbow Dash. I’m fine but Opel Essence ran off and Rarity asked me to find her.”

“Uh huh, and why are you so close to the ground?”

“I’m tracking her paw prints to she were she went. No matter how lightly you tread on ground, you always leave at least a tiny print on the ground. I had to track down a few animals this way so I got really good at it.”

Rainbow stood with her jaw agape. “But, those prints must be so small! I knew your vision was good but not THAT good! That’s so awesome!”

Fluttershy blushed again. “Well, my special talent is taking care of animals…”

---

Rainbow Dash followed Fluttershy as she tracked the bombers. The first one was easy as he was barely hidden behind a tree. Rainbow Dash chased after him and caught him quickly. Next up was a kid hiding behind a wall. He might have gotten a head start but Rainbow Dash closed the gap in record time. Fluttershy lead them to the west part of town. Rainbow Dash saw one of the bombers on the roof holding a chicken. She chased after him but he jumped with it. It took her a few seconds but she eventually caught up. Another bomber was on a different roof but Fluttershy was still tracking him. She found him and he ran off the roof and right into Rainbow Dash. They found the last one to the south and he was still looking for a hiding place. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy gave each other a high-hoof. They returned to the tree where all the bombers were waiting.

“Man, you two are amazing Deku Scrubs!” Jim said to them both. “Too bad you aren’t humans, then I could give you two bomber notebooks and make you official members.” He turned to the other humans. “What do you guys think?”

“No way! No Scrubs!” They all said while jumping.

“I guess not… Once we let a kid that wasn’t a human join us, and boy, did we ever regret it! Sorry! I’ll still tell you the code though. It’s one, six, one, seven. Got it?”

Rainbow Dash nodded. “Thanks for letting us know. Take it easy guys!”

The group left and headed east and saw a pathway blocked by a kid, but not before seeing a sign that said “Mayor’s Office.” Since they were new to the town and didn't know anything about the town, they decided to walk in, although they had trouble with the doorknob. When they opened it up they found themselves in the middle of a debate.

“Most of the townsfolk already have taken shelter without waiting for the mayor’s orders.” One human said. He was tall and covered in what looked like steel armor. He had a pole with a sharp tip and was obviously a guard of some sort. “The only ones left are public servants and committee members. Mister Mayor and Carnival Committee Members, please order those who remain to evacuate!”

Rainbow Dash looked up to the guard. “Excuse me sir, but why should we evacuate?”

The guard turned to face her and Fluttershy whom had once again hid behind her friend. “I’m not sure how you didn’t notice it, but the moon is slowly getting closer to the ground. It looks as if it will crash into the clock tower!”

“YOU COWARDS!” A human yelled so loud that Fluttershy shut down. Rainbow Dash did not notice this because she was looking at the man. He was muscle-bound with an open blue shirt and green workpants. On his face was a white mustache. “Do you honestly believe the moon will fall?! The confused townsfolk simply caused a panic by believing this ridiculous, groundless theory! The soldiers couldn’t prevent the panic, but outside the town walls is where the danger is! The carnival should not be canceled!”

“Are you serious Munto?!” The guard cried catching the attention of Rainbow Dash. “It seems that giant chunk of rock above us hasn’t caught your eye! We are always overrun by tourists this time of year, so why is the town so empty? It may be your job to make sure the carnival is operational, but that’s only if there are people here for it. Don’t drag the soldiers and merchants into this!”

“If the soldiers wish to run then so be it! This carnival will be a success! I’ve never heard of a defense abandoning its town!”

It looked like it would continue on with Rainbow Dash just staring at them but Tatl bumped into Rainbow Dash. “Hey Rainbow Dash, is Fluttershy alright?”

Rainbow Dash turned to face Fluttershy and finally noticed her distraught state. Her eyes were shut tight and her hands were on her head. Rainbow Dash was surprised she was standing. She turned back to the guard. “Excuse me again, but my friend is in a state of shock. Could you open the door so I can take her outside?” The guard nodded and opened the door for Rainbow Dash. She pulled Fluttershy out of the room as gently as she could. “Thanks,” she said to the guard on her way out, “my friend is quite shy and debates probably aren’t the best place for her to be.”

“You’re a good friend mam.”

After she was out of the office with Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash lightly tapped her. “Hey, you can calm down now.” Fluttershy let go of her head and slowly opened her eyes. “Sorry for not noticing earlier. I guess I was focused on the debate. You alright?”

A few tears fell from Fluttershy’s wooden face. “It just brought back some… old memories.”

Rainbow Dash put a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Don’t think about it. That monster is behind bars, remember?” Fluttershy nodded.

Tatl was confused. “What monster? Is there something I should know?”

Rainbow Dash spoke without looking at the fairy. “All you need to know is that Fluttershy does not fare well when grown men shout at her. Unlike the crush she has on me, the reason for her issue is top secret.”

Tatl didn’t understand what was going on, but she did not press the issue further. “Well, it seems to be the afternoon now. Aren’t you guys hungry?”

Both pegascrubs turned to the fairy. If they had proper mouths, they would be agape. “But it’s only been an hour at most!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “I might not be the smartest pegasus in existence, but every pegasus has an amazing sense of time and can tell time using the sun’s position! It was six in the morning when we came out of that weird place!”

“It was, but now it’s twelve in the afternoon.”

Rainbow Dash looked up and saw that the sun was right in the twelve o clock position. “How the hay does that work?!”

“Um, maybe time moves faster here.” Fluttershy suggested. “After all, this is another world.”

Rainbow Dash nodded there was no way to deny that fact now. “So if you’re right on this, then this place moves at six times the speed of Equestria. With that knowledge we can assume that instead of seventy-two hours, we really only have about twelve hours to find that mask.”

“Well if that’s the case then you two need to stop yacking and hurry up!”

---

Approaching the bomber’s hideout one human foal blocked the pegascrubs’ paths. “What’s the code?” he asked. Rainbow Dash gave him the code and he moved out of their way. Before they walked through he shouted “The bomber’s secret society of justice forever!”

As they passed by Fluttershy giggled. “What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing. I was just reminded of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“Oh yeah, those guys. If they were here they’d probably go ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders, Justice Makers!’ or something similar.”

Fluttershy was outright laughing now as Tatl just watched wishing she knew what the two were talking about. Fluttershy looked ahead and screamed in fear. Rainbow Dash turned around too late and got hit by something and knocked back a fair way. She groaned as she got back up and saw a spider with a torso that looked like a skull. Tatl spoke up. “That’s a Skullitualla! Its back is protected by its skull-like shell but its belly is soft!” The spider turned around and showed its belly. Rainbow Dash quickly shot a bubble from close range at and it made a direct hit. The body of the spider dropped to the floor and then burned up. Rainbow Dash ignored the spider and rushed to Fluttershy’s side.

“Fluttershy, I took care of it.” Once again the scared pegascrub opened her eyes. “Don’t worry. Like I said, I won’t let you get hurt.”

“I-I heard an impact… are you…”

“Don’t worry. It knocked the wind out of me, but I’m fine. I've had worse crashes than that. Let’s keep moving.”

The two continued down the dark path while Tatl looked at them from a bit back. “Hmm, I wonder…” she said to herself before catching up to them.

There was a staircase which they climbed and it lead into a small building. There was a scarecrow which Fluttershy approached. “Yo! Hey Buddy!” it said from nowhere startling poor Fluttershy for the umpteenth time that day. “I’m a stylin’ scarecrow wandering in search of pleasant music. Time will pass in the blink of an eye if you dance with me! Speaking of music, I know of a mysterious song that can let you manipulate the flow of time! Are you interested?”

Fluttershy got over her startled state at the thought of a song that could manipulate time. While animals were her diehard passion and special talent, music was a very close second. “Sure, I’d like to know about it.”

“I’ve hear that if you play that song backwards then you can make time slow down and playing each note twice in a row lets you move half a day forward through time.”

“Oh my, that’s amazing. I’ll remember that for sure.”

“Hey, if you’re done talking to the scarecrow then can we move on? It feels like thirty minutes have past so that means it must be three in the afternoon.”

Fluttershy nodded and followed her friend up some small steps. At the top of them was what looked like an old human and a telescope. He turned to the pegascrubs and raised an eyebrow. “Well… two strange looking children have joined me today… Are you new friends of the bombers?” They nodded. “Well, your manners are much better than that of the mischievous child from the other day. That troublemaker said he’d break my instruments, and on top of that he stole my Moon’s Tear! He’s probably causing trouble at the clock tower! Just look into my telescope and you’ll see.”

Fluttershy peered into the telescope and saw the Skull Kid on the top of the tower. She turned to see the moon, which was very close to the earth. It looked like something fell out of it and then landed into the ground with a loud impact. She then turned the telescope back to the Skull Kid whom was shaking his butt at her. She stopped looking and faced the old man. “He is there, and something fell out of the moon.”

“It might be another Moon’s Tear, but what’s curious to me is how the child got up there.”

“Oh, why is that?”

“The only way to get to the top of the clock tower is through the clock door, and that only opens on the eve of the carnival.”

“So it will open at midnight two days from now?”

“Correct.”

“Okay, thank you for the information.”

“Come on Fluttershy! Something landed outside and I wanna see what it is!” Rainbow Dash went out the nearby door and Fluttershy followed. There was a glowing gem which Rainbow Dash picked up. “I guess this is a Moon’s Tear. Man, if Rarity was here she’d be drooling over it!” Rainbow Dash let out a laugh and then put it in her large bag. “Still, it kinda sucks that we have to wait for…” she looked up at the sky to check the time. It looked like it was four in the afternoon. “Um… nine hours and twenty minutes before we can chase down Skull Kid. So what do you want to do Fluttershy?”

“Maybe we could tell Tatl about where we’re from. It might help her understand us better.”

Rainbow Dash looked at Fluttershy, and then she looked at Tatl. “I think that’s a good way to pass the time.”

---

“And then Fluttershy told off the dragon something NASTY and made him cry!” Rainbow Dash was recounting the events of when Fluttershy stared down the dragon. It was around midnight.

“Wow! I don’t know that much about dragons but they sound ferocious! Fluttershy, you never told me you were a badass!”

“A badass?” Fluttershy asked, “I’m not sure what that means.”

“Nevermind, what else can you tell me?”

“Stop that man!” an elderly voice cried out. A slender man was running with a large bag on his back. There was an elderly lady on the ground. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy knew what was happening. Rainbow Dash run at the man but he merely shoved her out of the way. Fluttershy tried shooting a bubble at him, but it hit the bag instead and nothing happened. The thief had gotten away.

“Sorry we couldn’t get your stuff back.” Rainbow Dash said to the woman.

“It’s okay deary, you’re just a child. I could have stocked bigger bomb bags if he hadn’t have robbed me.” She walked off sadly.

Fluttershy sighed. “If only we could turn back time… then we could warn her about that.”

---

“And basically, that’s how I got my cutie mark.” Fluttershy looked at Tatl. “Would you like to listen to another story?”

“No thanks you two. I’ve got a pretty good picture.”

“Well of course you do Tatl!” Rainbow Dash laughed. “Anyways, I think it might be the start of the third day, right?” As soon as the pegascrub said that, the sun rose. “So only three more hours until we can fight Skull Kid and become pegasi again.” Rainbow Dash turned to Fluttershy whom was shaking. “What’s up now, Fluttershy?” She only pointed.

Rainbow Dash turned around and saw the moon. “Heh, it looks bigger than before.” Then it hit her. The moon wasn’t bigger, it was closer. What the guard said was true. “F-Fluttershy…”

“The moon… the moon really is going to crash…”

The severity of the situation hit the two of them right there. The moon was going to crash into the world. An impact like that would create a massive explosion that would scorch the land for miles. Thousands would be dead in an instant.

“Fluttershy…” Rainbow Dash said with a quivering voice, “This…” she shook her head and regained her composure. “This isn’t about us anymore.” she said with a serious voice. “Our forms aren’t the only thing on the line now. Now thousands of lives are there too. I’m not just gonna sit on my flank and let this happen. Even if we get our forms back, we still have to stop that moon.”

Fluttershy nodded. Tatl understood where this was coming from. “I knew that you guys wouldn’t turn down this land. If you’re the bearers the elements of kindness and loyalty in your world then there’s no way you would just leave.”

Fluttershy spoke with a hint of determination, although she was still quiet. “We have to get to that tower’s door.”

They got up and walked to the center of the town. They saw the door to the clock tower, an easy to spot building, and saw there was no way there. “Oh dear…” Fluttershy said. “I think we’ll need a launchlilly to get up there.”

Rainbow Dash looked around and saw a golden flower on the ground that otherwise looked like a launchlilly as Fluttershy called them. She approached it but then she heard a voice cry out. “Wait! Wait!” She turned to see a large Deku Scrub flying by his… leafy mane. He was a bit portly and had a mustache formed by two leaves. He landed on the flower and put on a hat to cover his mane. “This is my private property. Don’t try using it when I’m not around!”

Rainbow Dash sighed. “Sir, I don’t mean any disrespect, but we need to use your, erm, property to reach the clock tower.”

The scrub looked at her for a while, but then he sighed. “Perhaps we can make a trade. I’m out of wares to sell so I was planning on closing up shop to buy a gift for my wife. She likes jewelry and the like so if you have something like that and you give it to me then I will give you my spot here with the Deku Flower.”

Rainbow Dash looked into her bag and pulled out the Moon’s Tear. “Will this do?” As soon as she finished talking she noticed that she had a piece of paper in her hand and not the Moon’s Tear. The Deku Scrub was already leaving. “I’ll take that as a yes.” She launched herself up to the entrance of the Clock Tower and Fluttershy followed suit. “So now we just have to wait… ugh, I hate waiting!”

After Rainbow Dash said that, there was a tremor. It was short but it made both the pegascrubs nervous. “How… how can there be tremors?” Fluttershy asked.

Tatl looked up. “It’s probably due to the gravitational force the moon is exerting from how close it is.”

Fluttershy was confused. “How does that work? I thought gravity was what pulled everything down to earth.”

“It’s complicated. Let’s just say that the moon has gravity and that’s causing the tremors.” Tatl then looked at Rainbow Dash and was shocked to find her asleep. “Uh, why is your friend sleeping?”

“Oh, she’s probably taking a nap.”

“On a hard wooden… ugh, nevermind. You guys are so weird.”

Fluttershy giggled. “Not as weird as Pinkie Pie. Now there’s a pony that takes getting used to.”

---

Rainbow Dash woke to the sound of fireworks. “Good to see something wakes you up,” she heard Tatl say, “It’s midnight.”

Rainbow Dash looked up to the sky and saw stars and a moon looking like it was about to crash. She turned when she heard another sound behind her. The door to the clock tower had opened up. The ground was shaking beneath their feet. “We need to get in there now,” she said turning to Fluttershy, “It’s time to take down the Skull Kid.”

Fluttershy nodded and followed her friend into the tower. When they got to the top of it they saw Skull Kid with the ocarina. He was facing away from them and tossing the ocarina up and down, but then he turned to see them. The purple fairy hovered at the Skull Kid’s side. “Sis!” he cried out.

“Ah, Tael, we’ve been looking for you two. Skull Kid, do you know how much trouble you’ve been causing?! Why don’t you give back that mask you have?” The Skull Kid didn’t respond. “Hey, are you listening?”

Tael flew ahead a little bit and spoke up. “Swamp. Mountain. Ocean. Canyon. Hurry… The four who are there… Bring them here.”

Skull Kid struck the fairy. “Don’t speak out of line!”

Tatl was shocked. “What are you doing to my brother?! Skull Kid, do you think you’re still our friend after that?!”

Skull Kid continued to toss the ocarina in his hand. “No matter… Even if they were to come now, they wouldn’t be able to handle me… Just look above you! If it’s something that can be stopped, then just try to stop it!” The Skull Kid straightened his posture to look like he was standing on air and then he let out a blood chilling scream. It lasted for fifteen seconds and when it was done the moon was shaking. Now it was falling at an accelerated rate.

Rainbow Dash’s heart sunk. She never felt this feeling before. It was pure dread. There was nothing she could do but wait for the moon to remove her from existence. I can't believe it... I never thought I'd die so young...

Fluttershy however was a different story. She wasn’t listening when the Skull Kid was talking. Her eyes were focused on the ocarina. Surrounding the seemingly normal instrument was an aura of hope. It went against all forms of logic, but she felt that it held something important.

I have to get that instrument.

She made a magic bubble and fired it at the Skull Kid. It hit him and he dropped the ocarina. Fluttershy immediately ran to it. When she grabbed it her vision turned white…

In Fluttershy’s vision, she saw a human with its back to her. “You are already leaving this land of Hyrule, aren’t you?” Fluttershy could tell it was a female from the voice and that was further supported when she saw that the human was wearing a dress. It was a light pink color with purple trim in some spots. There was a matching veil on her head. She turned to face whomever this girl was talking to. “Even though it was a short time, I feel like I’ve known you forever. I’ll never forget the days we spent together. I truly believe you’ll return one day, but until you do I ask you take this.” The human held out what looked like the ocarina. “I am praying for safety on your journey. If something should happen to you, remember this song.”

The human put the ocarina to her mouth and played a short song. It was six notes long. Fluttershy memorized the tune. Middle note, deep note, low note, and then repeat. The song was sealed into Fluttershy’s mind and she fell out of her vision. Tatl bounced on her head.

“Both of you, snap out of it! This is no time to cower or get lost in memories! Getting that ocarina does nothing!” She was frantic. “Somebody, anybody! Goddess of Time, help us please! We need more time!”

Fluttershy looked at the instrument. Why was she so obsessed with it? She shook away her thoughts and decided to put the instrument to her snout when it turned into a tuba-like contraption! Pinkie Pie would be proud. Despite all the hectic stuff around her, Fluttershy felt like she had to play the song she was taught.

And that’s what she did. She played each note. After she finished the last note, she felt something. Everything turned white as Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash fell into a void. Around them they could hear clocks go in reverse. It was like they were going back in time.

---

Well, that was a crapton of words. Again, I apologies for the pacing, and huge chapter. I promise that once we get to chapter 3 it will not be this rushed. In the next chapter we will see what happens when Fluttershy plays the song of healing.

Also, for those of you that want to have a translation guide for the songs, here it is. Deep note is A, low note is down, middle note is right, high note is left, and pitch note is up.

Comments

[iFiredone]

MOAR NOW!!!!!!!!

[MagicMissingno]

132956
Chill dude, I just posted this chapter. I promise chapter three will be up by next Monday at the latest. I write in short spurts so when my creativity craps out I have to wait for it to return.

I apologize for the inconvenience.

[Souldin]

It's nice to know that you plan to improve the pacing of this fanfic in future chapters, and it’s also nice for you to warn the readers of what can be a rather frustrating reading experience ahead. In all fairness though I will say that there were moments where the story began to flow properly, such as the debate scene and the confrontation of Skull Kid, so you didn’t too badly with it.

In the scenes where you slowed down I was immediately able to notice a great improvement in the writing, mostly in how I could tell what was going on, a result of the increased amount of detail. Vocabulary, while a little simple at times, worked well enough, and there were far fewer word errors than in the last chapter. Humour was frequent enough to make me smile throughout a good portion and the characters feel like they should be for the most part. I particularly liked the moment where they realised how serious the situation was and the characters responded in a way I felt was fitting. There is also more to this story than simply being a crossover, with a back-story unrelated to the world they are now in which I'm sure will be revealed as the story progresses. It's a nice touch and something that those familiar with Majora's Mask will not be able to know on the basis of having played Majora's Mask.

Like you have said in your author notes, the chapter feels rushed. Not all the time, there are certainly moments where it does shine but a lot of it feels rushed. This unfortunately has dire consequences such as a lack of description for the scenery and setting thus leading me to not know where the characters actually were at times, and a lack of detail in the characters so I was unsure what they looked like. I could go over all of the problems the rushed writing has on this chapter but I'm sure you are well aware of them and it is a problem you have stated will be fixed in the chapters to come so I will suggest some other improvements to make instead. When describing character and/or scenery (which you need to do more often) try to have the details flow, whether it is to connect sentences together or extend simple details by having an action which affects the detail. For instance, when you were describing Munto and his moustache you could have said how his moustache quivered with each word bellowing from his lips or something of the sort; it gives reason as to why you would highlight such a detail of a character.

The writing is not amazing, even when it is not rushed it can feel rather average, despite the odd moment where it shines. What truly does wonders for this fanfic though is the crossover elements, implemented into this fanfic with grace, smarts, originality, and humour. How the worlds differ is a good source for laughs, remarking on the difference in the way time works was both unexpected and intelligent, and it’s nice to see that it does not rely just on the story of Majora's Mask to carry its characters through. Great job, keep up the good work!

[MagicMissingno]

134575
Wow, once again thanks for the full review. I'll try to remember what you said about descriptions.

As for the improvements, I decided to sleep before re-reading the chapter I made so that might have something to do with it.

[Garino]

Hmm...I wonder...is the Easter Egg when RD is comforting Fluttershy, telling her that "monster" is behind bars? It also sounds like a bit of back story we need to know about.

Honestly, when I first viewed this, I didn't even read the first chapter because of low ratings. Thanks to the thumbs up/down rating system, though, I realize it was a mistake to let the votes tell me what's good and bad. I shall continue reading.

[Levimos]

I like how you referenced Chuggaaconroy when rainbow and fluttershy got the magic bubbles