Behind the Derp: The Untold Story of Derpy Hooves

by Trot Pilgrim

Chapter 1

Ditzy Doo ran through the halls of Canterlot. She didn't want to be late for her lesson with the Princess. Ever since she had been chosen to be Princess Celestia's pupil, her whole life seemed to be going better. Ponies made fun of her a lot less, although they still did when she lived up to her name. As she rounded a corner, she ran right into an Equestrian Guard carrying a plant in a vase. She watched as the plant fell, shattering the vase on the ground. She knew that vase had cost at least 50,000 bits. She apologized and quickly ran into the princess' chambers, the guard grumbling behind her.

Ditzy galloped into the room just as the princess was standing to begin her lesson. The grey pony trotted over and stood beside her classmate, Twilight Sparkle. The purple pony was a few years younger than Ditzy, and watched every move Celestia made intently. Ditzy smiled as she watched Twilight stare at the princess in awe.

"DITZY! Are you paying attention?" Celestia suddenly barked. "I know that magic lessons seem to have no impact for you, but if you are to follow your dream job of becoming my assistant, you need to know these things." The royal pony turned back to the chalkboard. Her horn glowed and the chalk lifted into the air, writing more complicated diagrams on the board. Ditzy watched the pictures for a few minutes before letting her eyes wander again. She already knew she would become the princess' aide.

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She had first met the princess when she was a little filly, working in her parent's library. She was helping put the books back (she had learned to read at a very young age). Just as she put the last book, The A-Z of Equestrian Beasts, a glorious white pony walked in. Ditzy flew down quickly to greet the pony, crashing into the pile of books she had put aside for herself. She picked herself up and looked up at the royal pony gazing down at her. Ditzy immediately bowed, narrowly missing the counter with her head.

The princess smiled and chuckled lightly. "Rise, Ditzy Doo. I've come with an offer."

As Ditzy raised her head, she saw her parents walk in from the back room. They were smiling widely at Ditzy. She looked back at the princess.

"Um, if you don't mind me asking, Princess, what sort of offer?" She asked the large pony.

"I have heard nothing but good words of you, Ditzy. It seems you have a good work ethic, you're bright, and you're diligent. I have come to offer you a place as my personal aide."

Ditzy's eyes lit up. A place by the princess' side? Helping her with everything?

"B-but, Your Majesty… You have the Equestrian Guard." Ditzy said sullenly.

The princess leaned down close to the little filly. "To be honest, they aren't very bright… Sure they have brute force, but I need someone with intelligence to help me. So, are you interested?"

The little pony nodded happily. "It would be an honor! But… Why a tiny filly like me?"

The princess stood back up. "If you are to learn everything you must, we must start young."

Ditzy smiled and looked at her parents. They pulled out a case with all of her belongings. Her father started cleaning up the books she had knocked over. "I'll take care of this. You go on and start your training."

Ditzy looked at her mother. Her mother smiled, tears starting to well up in her eyes. "We contacted Princess Celestia, hoping she might take an interest in you… Oh, we will miss you so much."

Ditzy flew quickly into her mother's arms. "I'll come back whenever I can…"

Her mother nodded and groomed the small pegasus' mane back into place. "I know. Do make sure to write us when you can, dearie."

Ditzy nodded and floated over to her father and kissed his cheek before flying over to Celestia's side. The princess smiled kindly down at the filly. "Ready to go?"

Ditzy nodded and watched as her new mentor's horn glowed and her case floated out the door. Celestia laughed quietly under her breath. "You better get used to that, young one. Magic will be one of the topics I will ask for your help with. Come, let's go to the carriage to talk about things. I'm sure you have many questions for me."

Ditzy flew alongside Celestia and smiled.