Interlude 3: The Growing Rift
Lost.
Starting on the day of the apocalypse, everypony everywhere lost something. Their lives, their homes, their friends, family and even their hope. I lost almost all of that, in a way. I lost the life I had known before, becoming a rotten shadow of the pony I had been. I had lost the two cities I once called home, Cloudsdale and Ponyville. As for family and friends, I didn't really have any of the former, but the latter I had lost in droves. I could name them all, but the only ones you readers might know of are the Ministry Mares. Even though I was never within their inner circle, I counted them as friends, particularly Fluttershy. However, I had the offsetting benefit of gaining a few new friends in the time that followed.
May was now my oldest and dearest friend, with us having known each other since the day after the megaspells. We had spent more than a lifetime together, travelling through the wasteland that was once Equestria, trying to make a difference. We had both lost friends, and in her case a lover, but we tried to do what we could for what was left. However, she was gradually losing her hope. The destruction of Trottingham was the loss of her best hope at treating and possibly even curing the ghoul condition, and I couldn't begin to imagine the impact that had on her psyche.
Rottingtail, whom May and I had met in Trottingham, and who had been closer to me than May in a very different way. He had also suffered a great many losses. First it was his sister and brother-in-law, who he lost in the chaos that followed the megaspells. Then he had lost Apple Crumble, the nephew who had been left in his charge, that he had sworn and failed to protect. Lastly, he too lost the city of Trottingham, and all those who resided there. He had been among those who helped turn the city into the haven for ghouls that it had once been, and seeing it destroyed changed him, causing him to lose a part of himself, and his faith in other ponies.
There were others; many, many others. Blinkie Pie, who had lost her entire family to the war, and then was lost herself by the unforgiving march of time. Stronghoof, who had lost his wife, his son, and his hopes of creating a place of peace in the wasteland. Gizmo, who had lost his life, and with it the chance to turn a powerful force in the wasteland into something greater. Emerald, who had lost her parents, her home, her best friend and her innocence to the barbarism of the wasteland, and was forever scarred by it, transformed into a twisted, dark reflection of herself. Snips, who had lost his beloved mistress Rarity, and then his mind attempting to regain that which can never be brought back. So many others. At least Bright and her followers seem to have made it safely to their destination, as I never did hear of them again.
Then, there's me. What have I lost? I had no family left by the time the war started, so I had nopony to lose there. I had several friends who were alive during the war, who, in all likelihood, perished on the day of the megaspell holocaust. However, it had been over a hundred years since that day, and the pain of that lost had long since been resolved. I had two homes, Ponyville and Cloudsdale. The latter I lost in the very first megaspell attack, narrowly avoiding the loss of my very life. The former I had lost in the years since to the wasteland itself. Again though, those losses had been many years ago, and the hurt had since diminished.
However, there was one thing I had lost that I was feeling more than any other; the lack of it becoming a constant companion. My very equinity. Like any other ghoul, my coat, my skin, my mane, my voice and my cutie mark had all been lost to the necrosis brought about by the extreme radiation exposure. At times I felt like a monster; I certainly look like one. I didn't age, I didn't need to eat, sleep or drink, and, though the prospect had always been sparse anyways, I could never have a child.
Now, you might think that all of that is physical, and that the true nature of my equinity was my mind. So long as I still have that, I'm just another pony right? Sadly, even that was lost to me, in a certain respect. I would have never claimed to be innocent, not with a war going on. I had managed to avoid getting any blood on my hooves at least, with the war going on largely on foreign turf. However, the wasteland forced me into a struggle in the land I call home, and... how many have I killed now? I can't say, which is sadly the reason why I feel that small part of myself is also lost.
What did I have left? Well, there's a small part of me that hopes for my soul. I hadn't really thought about it a lot in the past, but ever since my encounter with Snips, I had it on my mind. He had spoken of souls as some part of his mad experiment, and then there had been my reflection in that mirror of his. The old me, unchanged from when I was younger, smiling, laughing, playing with bubblewrap. A part of me I really want to believe is still in there somewhere, safe from the ravages the Wasteland has subjected the rest of me to.
As bad as all of this sounds, it is only the beginning of my losses. They say time heals all wounds, and I thought that the losses I had thusly suffered would eventually be left behind me as I pressed forward. In short order, I would come to know how much more there was still left for me to lose.
Just because you don't need sleep doesn't mean you shouldn't try to sleep, as Blackjack is learning.
I can think of at least three things of the top of my head that Ditzy can lose and I can't tell which one it will be. And now I want to know.
Derpy, you must fight on.
that was real deep
Well, I finally finished reading this. You know what that means right? Adder1(R) Unconsolidated Review Time, Go!
I've heard many good things about this story before deciding to read it for myself. And... I have to say that they're all very much founded. It's clear that a lot of work goes into every installment, from the small interludes to the bigger chapters. I didn't know what to expect when I started reading, and I was wholly blown out of the water and above the cloud cover. The single-word openings for every installment is an immediately recognizable homage to Fallout: Equestria and Project Horizons, and the level of detail and character development is simply astounding.
More on the detail, namely the atmosphere. We get to see the Fall of Equinekind from the day of the apocalypse. We get to see the birth of the Wasteland itself. The way you capture this is... simply spellbinding. I have no other suitable words for it. The description itself combined with the cruel, dramatic irony that we know only because of reading the original story just... I found myself taking a step back from the reading and thinking, "Wow... my goodness..." If anything you do best in the story, it's to capture the bleak, dreadful, empty, tainted atmosphere of the Wasteland. It is something that I think all authors of this vein of work strive and often fail to capture in their writing, myself included.
And then there's character development. I'll admit, I didn't know how anyone could pull of Ditzy Doo in the Equestrian Wasteland while still keeping that "fanon" personality of hers intact. While it's not quite what I imagined, you still do a fantastic job with developing her throughout the story. The same too can be said of all the mentioned characters, not just the main cast. Most characters with a name to the face often featured a certain depth to them. That includes Blinkie, Stronghoof, Gizmo his son, Gilda, Emerald- even Snips. Snips! This is yet another area I have to applaud you on, Ten.
I can already feel my focus slipping on this review, so I think I'll call it for now. You're doing great, Ten. Keep it up. This has been another Adder1(R) Unconsolidated Review Time.
Best wishes,
Adder1
507772
Wow. Just wow. I must admit, I was not expecting a full, as you put it, unconsolidated review. Even more unexpected was the sheer amount of praise. I honestly don't feel worthy of it, but maybe that's just because you seemed to cast everything in a rather flattering light. I always strive to improve as I go, and it seems to be working =D
Also, just so I can put the speculation to rest, Gnarl Grimfeathers is intended to be Gawdyna's Great-Grandfather. Remember that there's still 122 years between his appearance and when Littlepip met Gawd herself. He also has the 'Skilled' Trait, which is why he's good at a little bit of everything.
508888 I'm not flattering. I was honestly hooked since chapter one. I don't know how much time you put into each installment, but I'm guessing "a lot." *sniffles, feels so tiny*
add a changeling ghoul, shape-shifting gives a good opportunity to live a "normal" life
612637 Maybe everything it changes into is a ghoul too, though? For example, if he tries to turn into Blackjack, he would really turn into a ghoulified Blackjack.
Welp, read it through, and I've gotta say that it is one of the better stories I've read. There's not much I can say that hasn't already been said, so I'll just leave it at "great story, thank you for writing this, looking forward to more," and leave it at that.