Now this is a story all about how
my life got flipped, turned upside down
Now stay right there, cause I’ve fucking had it
Now I’ll tell you all how I got on this planet
West Russia is where I trained
Through sun, through snow, even if it rained
Shoot outs, fragging, reloading all cool
And learning to swim inside the pool
When a couple of guys, who were incredibly smart
Started making engines, state of the art
My mom got old, and she died happily
The general said “We’re sending you off planet cuz you got no more family”
There was a soldier looking at us, then he sat down
Said his name was Bourbon, an obvious clown
If anything I’d say that guy had downs
But then everything went black, being frozen astounds
Woke from cryo, everything was covered in ice
And yelled to Bourbon “I hate it when you’re right”
Landed on the planet, this place seemed nice
Then something crunched under my boot, “MORE FUCKING ICE”
Wow you actually wrote this... why am I laughing at this?
...... wow, dust ist gut and impressive
Yes.... Just yes.
Dashing through the snow...
hahaha
Yep their russians alright.....
Your rhyming skills are amazing good sir
It's time to Tirael's wall of text. It would be good if you read it all and only then began to arguing.
Okay, dude. I'm read it all.
And know what? I laughed!
Not because "Hey! There are Russians here!" but because you know nothing about Russians.
Or just completely failed writing about them. But first things first.
All your knowledge based on what? Only one book and may be even a game - Metro 2033?
I don't see any of the "Russian cliché" by Americans here. Why? It still works and works well!
There are nothing of russian's strong language. In Sasha's "battle cry" the last word was most innocent word in a world! I read "Metro" in it's natural language and don't know, were in English translation some bad words or something but I suppose, were.
Now about behavior. Um... Is it suppose that Russians might behave more impertinently, saucily, etc. if you shout "HA YOU MAKE ME LAUGH, HUMAN! They're Russian..."? I think, yes it is. Ordinary pair of jokes do not make them Russian.
Names. I know that you use metro' names. I will not complain about it.
Just wanna say that it's really funny. Yeah. There you win completely!
Can you even imagine that Dima and Dmitriy are the same person by the name?
And Bourbon. That hilarious 'cause it's more a nickname than a name.
Army. "Sir"? Are you joking? In russian's army there are only comrades!
And at the end I can advise you to simply write more text.
I think, I ended.
Look, I do not want to upset you at all. Not in this life.
Your idea of "Russians in dat Equestria" is very interesting and has the potential and maybe even a unique!
And there are some people that already like you and your story because they know nothing about russians too and think "Hey! I am reading about Russians! I don't know about them and I think in that fic a can learn more!". But didn't you think that write about special things need knowledge about it? Being a Russian I can say that there are ordinary americans got to Equestria and that all!
And know what? If you want to write more than "my fic is just great! It's has about hundred likes!" I can and, most important, want to help you. Lets call it a "Consultation about the Russian". If you want it of course! Just PM me.
~T.
I like it.
1663709 yay fur rants and/or the telling and updating of knowledge.. Not all Russians are assholes who swear and fire guns without abandon.. And yes he is right about no sirs bing said nonetheless a good attempt
Pretty good, 8/10
Keep going