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Extraordinary Exchanges2,616 words
Incredible Introductions3,299 words
Marvelous Makeovers2,559 words
Glorious Goodbyes 2,220 words

Marvelous Makeovers

Dipper had flipped through the book several times, but no other mention of the portal to Pinkie's homeland nor the strange nature of the pink pony had been revealed. All he could find were various supply checklists for venturing into the pit, and speculations by the author as to what they'd find.

He eventually gave up and began re-reading one of the older passages about the gnomes and noticed a tiny note scribbled in the corner that he had never noticed before:

Pit Exploration Log: W1 N2 F1

"W1 N2 W1?" Dipper repeated, holding the book sideways to check for some kind of hidden message. What the heck did that mean? "It's probably a code," he muttered as he began consulting the various decoders and answers that were scribbled within the pages of the tome.

Mabel squealed with delight as her and Pinkie Pie were playing rodeo down the main street. Most of the townsfolk had learned to tune the peppy girl out, but as they bucked past the local donut shop, Deputy Durland saw them as he was exiting it. He spit out his quadruple-glazed donut and immediately swung out his walkie-talkie.

"Sheriff! We got a 88-296! Runaway equine and accomplice!"

Blubs' patrol car immediately screeched into the parking lot and the fat policeman rolled down his window with a tranquilizer rifle in hand. "I finally get to use this on something that isn't Old Man McGucket!"

"Wooooo!" Durland hollered and hopped in the passenger seat but fell short, with his legs still sticking out window. The car's sirens blazed to life as they sped down the street to catch their suspect. When they came into sight, Blubs slammed his foot down on the brakes and the car skidded to a halt in front of them.

Pinkie looked up at Mabel, "Who are they?"

Mabel waved dismissively, "Aw, that's just the sheriff and his deputy. They're probably just wondering why Dipper isn't with me."

Blubs kicked the door of his car open and fired the tranq gun into the air, "Police! Hands and hooves up!"

Durland had used his gun for payment at the donut shop, and instead fired his taser as a warning. The electrodes swung into the air before landing back on his head, shocking him to the ground.

Mabel merely smiled as Blubs walked up to them, "Hi Mr. Blubs!"

Blubs lowered his shades, "Where'd you get that pony?"

"I found it!"

"Found it, huh? Hey deputy, you ever heard of some fancy city girl findin' a pony?"

The taser was still going full blast, but Durland still somehow managed to speak with a buzzing voice. "Nnnnope!"

The sheriff pulled up his pants, "That does it. You're coming downtown."

"We are downtown! The police station's right over there, silly."

"Just get over there!"

Mabel thought for a moment. With the exception of Waddles getting lost, this day had been too perfect thus far to end up in a jail cell. "Cheese it!" she yelled, and Pinkie Pie ran under the overweight officer. He stumbled and fired his tranq gun into the air a second time before falling to the ground, unable to get up from his own weight. The girl and the pony rounded a corner and were out of sight, leaving the cops writhing around on the ground.

As Blubs struggled, the first tranquilizer dart he had fired landed into his stomach. It didn't seem have an effect and he laughed. "Thank goodness for good old bl—" he said before passing out, drool pooling from his mouth.

It had taken Dipper hours to decipher the mysterious note; it wasn't a message hidden inside the book, it was a series of directions! Using an old map, he had figured out that the letters and numbers meant compass points and steps, respectively. From a certain spot in the forest, it was west one, north two, west one. With book in hand he went out the front door and past Stan, who was still napping in front of the grill.

"Be back in a sec, Grunkle Stan!" he shouted behind him.

Stan jumped awake. "Huh?" he managed to ask before a tranquilizer dart flew out of the sky and lodged in his neck, sending him right back out.

Dipper found the place in the woods that the book had hinted at, and began repeating the directions. "One step west, two steps north, one step WHOA!"

He had tripped over a small rock. As he rubbed his knee, he noticed that the rock's color scheme seemed off, and he crawled up to it and knocked it. The sound of the knock was hollow and metallic, and Dipper tried pulling up on the rock. It popped off and flew a few yards away, and under it laid a small leather-bound journal. He picked up it and immediately began reading it. The first page was filled with drawings and photographs of rich flora that definitely did not grow in Oregon.

The journal entries started off normal enough. The writer guessed that the portal was just a gateway to somewhere else on Earth, and it wasn't until the next few entries that anything unusual popped out. As Dipper flipped the page, he was greeted with the picture of several smiling little buglike animals. Notes had been made under it warning the reader that they were not harmless as they looked, and on the very next page there was a photo of a brilliant field of blue flowers. The words DO NOT EAT! underlined more than a few time was written under it.

About halfway through the log, things got interesting. Apparently the explorer had found his/herself a way out of the forest, and into some kind of village. There, they had snapped dozens upon dozens of pictures of ponies that had similar body shapes to Pinkie Pie. Some of them even had horns, or wings.

They seemed harmless enough. The journal ended with some strange references to something called the amniomorphic spell. The last entry was nothing but a blank page with more coded directions:

E5917 S2019 E10193

"Really!?"

Pinkie Pie and Mabel were taking a break at Greasy's Diner. Mabel had gotten a booth for them both and as usual it took a while for Lazy Susan to finally come around to them.

"Hi, Mabel! Who's your friend?"

"This is Pinkie Pie. She's sick nasty!"

Lazy Susan frowned, "Oh no! Hope she gets better soon!" she said and wandered off without even asking what they wanted. Pinkie's stomach growled.

Mabel smiled. "She usually remembers to take your order on the third go around, unless it's Sunday. There's a method. Hey! Bet I can get all the napkins out on my side of the dispenser before you can! "

"You're on!"

Before they could, the door to the diner flew open. Mabel whipped around to see 'Lil Gideon walk in carrying a box of chocolates. As he floated down to their table with a mix of unbridled hatred and absolute adoration plastered over his face, Lazy Susan came by and placed two plates of sliced pie on their table.

"Here you go, ya sillies! Just like you wanted!"

Pinkie smiled, "Thanks!"

Lazy Susan stood there for a moment and blinked, her brain still trying to process the fact that Pinkie just talked. After a moment, she patted Pinkie's head. "Good doggie!" she blabbed before walking off. It was at this point that Gideon had made his way to their booth and started to talk.

"Mabel Pines! Why, what an absolute coincidence that you, and I, would meet in such a quaint little restaurant such as this!"

"Uh, hi Gideon."

Pinkie lifted her face from the pie to wave, "Hi!"

"And what's this? Oh, well this is just divine. I had bought myself a box of chocolates to enjoy, but I feel like they'd be better suited for a much more delicate creature," he said, raising his eyebrows a few times.

The self-proclaimed psychic placed the box on Mabel's table, and she slid it over. "Well, thanks."

Gideon continued to stare at her, his mouth puckered into a devilish grin, "You're very welcome, Mabel Pines." He started walking backwards out of the restaurant, and closed the door in front of him.

Pinkie pointed towards the box of sweets, "You want those?" Mabel slid the box toward her and Pinkie Pie's tongue wrapped around it and pulled it into her gaping maw, swallowing it with one bite. "Mmmm!"

Lazy Susan came around again and gave them a second round of pie, "Here you go, ya sillies! Just like you wanted!"

Mabel and Pinkie Pie eventually escaped Susan's loop and were headed toward the Arcade when they spotted Gideon in front of the doorway, wearing the same evil grin from earlier.

"Chocolates?" he asked, presenting another heart-shaped box from behind his back. Pinkie took the box and scarfed the candy down, sending chocolate chunks against Gideon's face. He did nothing against the injustice but give a forced smile, with the tiniest twitching from his left eye.

Mabel put her hand on her hips, "Okay, Gideon. Why you cray cray nice all of the sudden?"

Gideon laughed dismissively, "Oh Mabel. I know we've had some rough spots—"

"You did try to kill Dipper."

"But I've put all of that behind us! I just want a fresh start and show that any friend of Mabel Pines is a friend of mine!"

Pinkie lifted her head from the box, her face stained with chocolate. "Everypony's my friend!" she announced before resuming her ravaging of the sweets.

Mabel scratched her chin and glared at Gideon. "Hmm..." she hummed, causing Gideon's eyes to dart around nervously. "Okay!"

Pinkie and Mabel walked past Gideon and into the arcade. When they were out of earshot, he steeped his hands diabolically. "So close. So very close."

When the two exited the arcade, Mabel didn't notice Pinkie's failure to follow her. The pony had instead been distracted by a line of very tasty chocolates of the same kind Gideon had given her that had been set out from the door of the arcade to the edge of the forest. She went down the line to eat every one. When she reached the last one, she savored it by chewing it much longer than the others, giving Gideon the opportunity he needed to spring his trap. A rope suddenly wrapped itself around Pinkie's legs and hoisted her into the air, hanging her upside-down from a tree branch. She didn't notice her capture until she finished her treat and swallowed.

"Hey!" she declared as she opened her eyes to see her skewed perspective, "Uh oh. Did somepony let out Discord again?"

"The only discord you'll find is your own," Gideon drawled as he stepped out of the shadows. "Wait, that didn't make any sense. I mean, discord's the least of your problems. Crud! Uh, when I'm through with you, you'll wish you found discord! Yeah, that works."

Pinkie Pie swung around, "Let me go!"

"Oh, I will." Gideon produced a small glowing amulet. "I just need a little something from you first."

Dipper's long journey to find the next expedition log finally came to an end when he tripped over a fake metal badger. As with the first, he began on the first page and hoped that he'd be able to learn something more about Pinkie Pie's homeland before they sent her back.

Early on, the writing seemed to become frantic. It described various other humans finding their way to this strange land. Apparently, the author had let it slip that the portal to Equestria existed, and people started trying it out for themselves.

Then it got really weird. This people weren't just going there for the sake of curiosity, they wanted to be there. The writing seemed to be written in haste and panic as it described the strange-sounding spell that had been mentioned offhand in the first journal being used to...

Dipper rubbed his eyes. Was he reading this right? Apparently the spell's knowledge had been released too, and humans were leaping into Equestria, turning themselves into ponies, and erasing their own memories the process. It was practically an invasion!

Most of the pages after that were gibberish. Only on the last few pages did the writing seem to calm down and the words became legible again. The author stated they had erased their own memory out of disgust of the event and would bury the journals for safekeeping. It ended there, with no other directions to any more logs.

"—And then I made the pelican say 'because he had a large bill!'" Mabel hooted, slapping her knee. She turned around when she noticed that the high-pitched giggles of Pinkie Pie were absent, and the pink pony was nowhere to be seen.

"Pinkie?" she questioned the darkness, "Oh Pinkie! We already played Creepy Hide n' Seek."

Silence.

"Pinkie?"

"This ends now!" the Discord-Chrysalis-Sombra fused entity screamed, the entire throne room of Canterlot growing dimmer from the sheer darkness of its voice. Waddles oinked and ran toward the monster, his tiny little legs working in overdrive. The fusion of evil launched a barrage of magical energy toward him and he dodged it by jumping up and landing on Princess Celestia's throne.

As the combined evil readied another attack, Princess Luna flew in from the window and threw a sword made from the Elements of Harmony at Waddles, who leaped up and caught it with his mouth. He struck away the bolt with the mighty weapon and slid across the room, turning toward the monster with an vengeful eye.

"So be it!" the monster said as it pulled out a chitinous candy cane made of dark magic out of a portal. The two charged at each other, deciding the fate of Equestria once and for all.

"Pinkie?" Mabel asked again.

"Over here."

Mabel squinted to see something walking its way under the light of a nearby street lamp. It stood on four legs and possessed a light blue coat of fur. Its mane was white, and one each of its flanks were pictures of a question mark. It also had unmistakable dimples, and when it spoke Mabel's spine shivered.

"Howdy Mabel. How ya like little new me?"

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PornOfKidsMediaIsBAD

PornOfKidsMediaIsBAD #1 · Nov 22nd, 2012 · · ·

This is great, aside from a couple of errors, keep it up!

tragicCaligula

tragicCaligula #2 · Nov 22nd, 2012 · · ·

static.fimfiction.net/images/story_images/64188.gif?1353239302

PornOfKidsMediaIsBAD

PornOfKidsMediaIsBAD #3 · Nov 22nd, 2012 · · ·

hehe, Waddles...
"That'll do pig, that'll do."

Joey JoJo

Joey JoJo #4 · Nov 22nd, 2012 · · ·

1640496

I love this post and I love this song and I love you in every homosexual way possible!!!

Camokkid

Camokkid #5 · Nov 22nd, 2012 · · ·

1663506 That's officially the cutest thing I have ever seen.

Regidar

Regidar #6 · Nov 22nd, 2012 · · ·

1663602 Yay! Homosexual party!
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcubf0XZfY1qkv381o1_500.gif

Joey JoJo

Joey JoJo #7 · Nov 22nd, 2012 · · ·

1663644

Hahaha seriously dude is there anything you don't have a Kurt Cobain quote for?

Regidar

Regidar #8 · Nov 22nd, 2012 · · ·

1663656 Nope.
I don't have Kurt Cobain gifs for everything, though.

Sausagefanclub

Sausagefanclub #9 · Nov 22nd, 2012 · · ·

Epic characterization, great humor (It made me laugh out loud; It's very hard for a story to make me laugh) and an epic plotline. Waddles is about to get his own window in the castle.

The things Gideon would do to be with Mabel... I don't know how the little munchkin plans to have a relationship with her though since he's a different species now.