"Do you know what this means? Take a note, Spike, to Princess Celestia! This is really important!" Twilight shouted to her number one assistant while in her dorm in Canterlot.
"What is it, Twilight?" Spike grabbed a quill and parchment, eager to help his friend.
Twilight Sparkle explained the phenomena of Nightmare Moon in the smallest terms possible, as the baby dragon was having trouble with spelling. It annoyed her that she had to keep downgrading her vocabulary, but at least he was doing it fast.
"Aw, come on Twi...Nightmare Moon is just an old pony's tale!" Spike exclaimed after looking over the letter's contents. Twilight shook her head with a scowl.
"No, Spike! It's true." Twilight was about to explain to the dragon exactly how dire the situation was, when he cut her off.
"Princess Celestia is really busy right now, Twilight. She probably won't even see this letter until after the Summer Sun Celebration!" The dragon gave her a look that shouted for finality on the subject.
"The Princess will see the importance of the letter and send word immediately. She may even get the army and prepare for war. Just send it, Spike." Twilight glared at him, telling him that she would not take another excuse. Spike took the hint, sending the note to the Princess. He still thought that it wasn't a good idea to bother her with such a trivial matter, as what Twilight was fretting over was simply a legend.
A few seconds later, an audible 'pop' rang out as another letter dropped onto the floor. Twilight cheered before ordering her dragon friend to read it aloud. He cleared his throat.
"My most faithful student, I have taken into account what is bothering you, but you simply must get your head out of those dusty old books! I am hereby ordering you to go to Ponyville to oversee the Summer Sun Celebration. You must make friends while you are there. You will be accommodated in a library, and will be leaving tomorrow morning. Signed, Princess Celestia." Spike looked up after finishing the letter, trying to contain an 'I told you so.'
Twilight's jaw dropped. Spike snickered at the look on her face. This was going to be an interesting arrangement.
"Where are you going, Twilight?" Spike raced to keep up with the unicorn. Immediately upon arriving in Ponyville she trotted straight for who-knows-what.
"To the library. I need to find out how to prevent Nightmare Moon's return," Twilight Sparkle looked around dubiously, not sure where the library was. The unicorn figured that Ponyville must have been a country town based upon the natives' appearances and the setting. The road looked worn, the marketplace full of farmers selling their products, and even the buildings looked as if they've been there for a long time.
If Twilight were being honest, she'd admit that she doubted this town would have a library. Based off of what she had seen so far, she wondered if anypony here even read books.
Spike raced to keep up with his friend. "Twilight! Princess Celestia said that you were supposed to be making friends and checking on the food, decorations, music, and weather stuff for the Summer Sun Celebration, which is tomorrow!" He exclaimed. Twilight stopped walking to think.
"You're right, Spike!" Before the dragon could take pride in himself, Twilight continued, "Which is why you should do that for me!" He slipped and hit his head on the ground.
"What?!" He jumped up as quickly as he could, rubbing the spot of impact, "She wanted you to do it, not me!"
"Come on, Spike. This is the fate of Equestria we're talking about! Please!" She begged. Spike sighed in defeat.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever...Twi, you owe me for this." He gave her the most serious expression he could muster. Twilight smiled thankfully, and the dragon walked off, muttering under his breath.
The unicorn noticed a normal-looking pony with a beige colored coat with a pink and blue colored mane. Her cutie mark had three bows, and Twilight decided to approach the mare.
"Hello!" She greeted, and the stranger turned and looked at her, surprised. The other pony smiled kindly before speaking.
"Hi there! You don't look like you're from around here... Do you need help with something?" Her eyes widened, "Oh, tell me you aren't trying to avoid Pinkie Pie. I can't help you with that."
Twilight furrowed her brow. "Pinkie Pie? I haven't met anypony here yet, but do you think you could point me towards the library, Miss...?" The other mare seemed to realize that she hadn't given her name yet.
"Oh! It's Bon Bon, and sure! What's your name?" Bon Bon abandoned her supposed shopping spree to walk with the unicorn.
"I'm Twilight Sparkle. It's a pleasure to meet you." She reached out for a hoofshake, which the other pony returned. Bon Bon led Twilight to the library unhurriedly and they talked for a bit.
"So are you going to be living here?" Bon Bon asked out of nowhere.
"No, I'm here to oversee the preparations of the Summer Sun Celebration, but I have some more...pressing matters at the moment." Twilight glanced around, half-expecting Nightmare Moon to pop up out of nowhere.
"Is something bothering you?" The other mare's expression changed drastically, showing her concern. She seemed like a really kind pony, Twilight noted, that was very friendly and easy to talk with.
"Oh, it's nothing." She dismissed with a hoof, before pointing it out at a strange tree-like building. "Is this the library?"
Bon Bon simply nodded. Twilight internally cheered before saying goodbye. She was surprised when the other mare stopped her.
"We should hang out sometime." Bon Bon smiled genuinely, "I own the candy shop right over there..." She pointed a hoof towards a newer looking establishment before looking back to Twilight, "So you should visit me when you get a chance!"
Feeling a little nervous, Twilight just said okay before slipping inside. It was strange to talk so openly with somepony other than Spike or Princess Celestia. The only thing she really knew about the other mare was that her name was Bon Bon and she owned a sweets shop. During the entire walk she seemed to inquire upon Twilight rather than talk about herself. It was a lot different than most conversations Twilight had taken part in.
The unicorn flipped on the light switch and couldn't help a smile. Shelves and shelves filled to the brim with books stared back at her. What made this an optimal experience was the fact that nopony would bother her, either. She could study up on the Elements of Harmony (that old book had said they were the only things that could defeat Nightmare Moon) and the evil villainess herself.
Twilight was glad to find that the books were already alphabetized, and tried to find titles relevant to her situation. She ended up pulling out only one book: The Legend of Nightmare Moon. Maybe this story would have some link to the Elements of Harmony she kept hearing so much about.
Giddily, (Twilight always loved to learn new things!) the unicorn turned pages until she was on the first chapter. It must have been an old book, as the words seemed ancient. That only excited the lavender mare more--she had enough experience with old Equestrian in some of the more aged tomes back in Canterlot.
Just as Twilight was about to finish the first chapter, a knock was heard on the door. At first, she ignored it and continued to read. Somepony knocked again. The unicorn groaned before getting up and trotting to the door. She opened it with magic to see a unicorn mare with an aquamarine colored coat and a light blue-green mane. Her cutie mark looked like a golden harp which complimented her yellow eyes nicely. She had a large grin plastered on her face.
"Hi! My name's Lyra Heartstrings, and I'm really glad to meet you!" She was hoofshaking Twilight's hoof so furiously that the lavender mare couldn't even see it anymore. "You see, my good friend Bon Bon told me there was a new pony in town, and said that they were shacking up in the library. She said that you were really nice and probably wouldn't be staying long, so I came by to make a new friend!" She giggled a little.
"Um..." Twilight was trying to think of a polite way to ask this other unicorn to leave, but wasn't able to come up with anything. The other pony didn't seem to notice the intrusion at all as she walked into the library.
"It's a nice library, isn't it? Not that many ponies check out books, though. Were you looking for something in particular? Oh, silly me; I don't even know your name yet!" Lyra smiled at her own mistake before speaking once again, "So what is it?"
"I'm Twilight Sparkle. I was looking for books on the Elements of Harmony and also Nightmare Moon. Do you know anything on the subject?" The unicorn didn't really expect to get a positive answer, but one could hope.
Lyra tapped a hoof to her chin. "Actually, there was this book called The Element of Harmony: A Reference Guide, that was checked out by...uh..." Her expression twisted into confusion. Twilight leaned forward, surprised that this mare actually remembered something like this. She hadn't been able to find anything on the Elements of Harmony while browsing earlier, so maybe this information could help with her research.
"Oh! I remember now--the pony you're looking for is Derpy Hooves! Yeah, I was here when she checked out that book. D-Don't look at me like that; I'm not a stalker or anything! I just worked part-time here for a little bit." She looked bashful now.
Twilight's eyebrows rose. This talkative unicorn as a librarian? She ceased to amaze her. "Derpy...Hooves? Where can I find her?" The lavender mare was already sliding the book she was reading earlier into her saddlebag for easier transportation.
"Probably a muffin place. Everypony in Ponyville knows how Derpy likes her muffins." Lyra laughed at her own joke, but Twilight didn't get it.
"Thanks for the help, Lyra Heartstrings. I'll uh, talk to you later." Awkwardly excusing herself, Twilight walked around the unicorn.
"Aww, you're leaving already? Well, that's okay. Make sure to see me sometime, too. I hang around Bon Bon's place, or my house, which is over there." Lyra pointed to somewhere in the distance, and Twilight hadn't the faintest clue of what the buck she was motioning towards. She simply nodded, hoping Lyra would leave so she could get back to studying.
"Bye, Twilight!" Lyra gave a short wave with a smile. These ponies were too friendly. Twilight only smiled before trotting on her way. She wasn't sure where a bakery was, but had a feeling one would be close to the market.
The unicorn let her thoughts wander. In the past few minutes she had met two different ponies that were trying to be her friends. They seemed nice, but Twilight didn't have the time or the energy to keep relationships like that going. Her studies were tiring enough, and took up every day of the week.
"W-Watch out!" Twilight heard somepony shout, and before she could move or even see who it was, she was tumbling with another pony. They were rolling for a bit before they finally came to a stop. The stranger who ran into her was on top of Twilight. The unicorn was wheezing from the extra weight and adrenaline. When she finally dared to open her eyes, (when had they closed?) a gray pegasus with crossed eyes was laying atop her. Twilight looked at the mare's cutie mark to see bubbles.
The pegasus grimaced. "I'm sorry 'bout that! I dunno what happened!" She smiled good-naturedly.
"It's...It's okay. What's your name?" The blonde-maned pony stood and helped Twilight up (with a bit too much strength, but Twilight was able to right herself before falling over again).
"I'm Derpy! Derpy Hooves. What 'bout you?" Her eyes lolled a bit, but Twilight ignored that. She'd seen ponies with disabilities before, and wasn't about to offend somepony because of it. Although she was a little curious as to what was affecting her...
"Twilight Sparkle. So, um, Derpy...Do you have a book called The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide? It's really important."
The other pony turned her head. "Uh, I think I had it."
Twilight had a crestfallen expression. "Had?" Derpy nodded exuberantly to this, and Twilight face-hoofed. "What happened to it?"
"I gave it to another pony." Twilight was annoyed at this point with the vague answers, and just about ready to go back to the library empty-hoofed. "But I can help you find it if you want me to."
The unicorn perked at this. She was still a little hesitant in accepting this offer from this pegasus though, for obvious reasons.
"Do you remember who you gave it to, by any chance?" Derpy flapped her wings to get airborne, but she swayed from side to side due to lack of control.
"Yeah! I think. Maybe." Derpy tapped a hoof to her chin as her eyes took their normal position. "It was the pony who's in charge of the music for the Summer Sun Celebration. She said that she would give it back to me soon, 'cause she has to go back to Canterlot after sun rise."
Twilight smiled. She finally had information that she could use to find that book! If she didn't find it quickly enough, Nightmare Moon would win.
"Thanks, Derpy. You were a great help." Twilight turned around and started walking away, when the gray pegasus flew next to her (accidentally bumping into the unicorn).
"Aww, can't I help ya out? I ran into you and stuff, and I'm just a little clumsy, but I want to make that up to you. I don't have anything to do, either." She looked pleadingly at the lavender mare.
Twilight eyed the bag at the pegasus's side. "That looks like a mailmare bag. Does that mean you were delivering the mail before yo--I ran into you?" Twilight corrected, not wanting to offend her.
Derpy laughed a little at what she said. "What, this? Mail can wait if somepony needs me. I am always ready to help!" She puffed out her chest in pride.
"I see... Well, Derpy, I actually do have something you may be able to help with." She leaned in to hear Twilight's secretive whispering. "You see, I have this purple baby dragon I was looking for, and he's called Spike. I can't find him anywhere! Do you think you could look for him while on your route?" The unicorn felt bad for lying, but she honestly wanted to get the book and go back to the library with as little interaction with other ponies as possible. Each time she stopped to talk to somepony, she lost the precious minutes that could've been spent preventing Nightmare Moon's return.
"Sure thing, Twilight Spark! I gotcha covered." Before the lavender mare could tell her that her name wasn't 'Twilight Spark,' Derpy had flown off. The unicorn stood there for a moment, wondering what had just happened. She shook her head before trotting back into town.
Twilght wasn't really sure where the head-of-the-music department would be, so at first she just looked around. Ponyville was still bustling with activity down at the market, and apparently somepony was selling some really good apples. At least, that's what the unicorn overheard from a blue pegasus talking to a yellow one. They seemed like they were old friends, but the lavender mare didn't dawdle on the thought very long. She still had a book to find!
When Twilight finally started to get tired of this dead-ended search and was practically out of town, she heard something. It was a very nice melody coming from a lone tree. Rather, a lone pony beside a tree. The mare had a gray coat with a darker gray for her mane. Twilight couldn't see her cutie mark from the distance, and because she was leaning on said tree, playing what looked like a violin. The stranger had a peaceful expression as she played, and for once, Twilight wanted to talk to this pony.
Before she knew it, the unicorn was walking closer and closer.The tune sounded melancholic and sad, and it brought upon feelings that Twilight had thought she had buried long ago. It seemed to dispel her current troubles, but only to replace them with regrets. To enjoy the music fully, Twilight closed her eyes. The music stopped abruptly, and the unicorn opened her eyes in her wonderment of why it had ended so suddenly. The other mare was watching Twilight blankly.
"Um...Hello?" Twilight attempted. The other pony didn't make any response. "That music you were playing was really good, but it was sad. Are you the pony in charge of the music for the Summer Sun Celebration?"
"Yes." Even her voice sounded like music. "You are Twilight Sparkle, protege of the Sun Princess, right?" Twilight nodded. She always had liked to be recognized by other ponies.
"I see. And I assume that the purple dragon was yours? Spike, I think it was." The gray mare started to put her violin in its case.
"You're finished playing?" Twilight whined, ignoring her question. She wanted to hear more of the addictive yet depressing music. The other pony's eyebrows rose, but she smiled still.
"Yes. That song was...special, and I only play it when I'm alone." She brandished the violin carefully and lovingly.
"Who are you?" The question was out before Twilight could stop it. She felt impolite in asking something so personal, but this mysterious violin player was practically begging for it.
"I'm Octavia." She continued to put away her violin. "I live in Canterlot, but I was asked by Princess Celestia to play at the celebration. I only intend to stay here until tomorrow."
"You live in Canterlot? I've never seen you before. I'm actually going back tomorrow, too. Princess Celestia wanted me to oversee the preparations of the celebration and to...make friends..." Twilight winced. She didn't want to be reminded of that task.
Octavia's smile only widened. "Is that so? I've seen you around a few times. Mostly when you run between the library and what I'm guessing is your apartment. I don't know if you remember or not, but I've had audiences with the Sun Princess to play. You were usually there, too, but you were always working with papers." She explained.
Twilight tried to recall these scenarios, but her mind wasn't letting her. She suddenly remembered why she was looking for this pony. "Oh, right...Octavia, do you have a book called The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide?"
The gray mare stuck her hoof back into the violin case and pulled out a book. "Here." She turned it so the cover was staring at the unicorn. Indeed, it was the right book.
"Thank you! This is just what I needed--I have to go, it was nice meeting you, and I guess I'll see you at the Summer Sun Celebration." Twilight grasped the book magically and took off towards the library. Octavia blinked before smiling to herself.
"And I thought I was used to filly fans..."
It took some time to finally get back to town, but Twilight was really excited. The sun was starting to go down, and she was feeling nervous, too. The unicorn failed to notice the suspicious pony covered with sunglasses, a hat, hoodie, and even shorts. It all clashed terribly.
Twilight ran into the pony at full-speed, causing all of its clothes to fall off. An orange-yellow mare with a blue outfit was there.
"Spitfire?!" A blue pegasus with a rainbow mane cried, "It's Spitfire, the Wonderbolt!"
"Buck..." The revealed Wonderbolt cursed before turning to Twilight, "We gotta go. They'll be after you, too. Hold on, okay?" Before the unicorn could get a word in edge-wise, the famous pegasus picked her up and flew off. Twilight squirmed and clutched her book tightly to her chest, extremely uncomfortable with flying. All unicorns were.
Apparently somepony had stopped the pony with the rainbow mane, as she wasn't following them. After finding a spot behind a building where nopony was around, Spitfire landed. "I'm really sorry about grabbing you like that. If I didn't act fast, you would've been a goner. I've actually known somepony who broke a leg in a mob of fans from being close to me like that." Twilight shivered, laying on the ground.
"Aww, come on. It wasn't that bad, right?" Spitfire bent down so she could look Twilight in the eyes. "I mean, you were the one who accidentally knocked off my disguise."
"S-Sorry..." Twilight apologized, still feeling shaken.
"It's no big deal. I’ve had more collisions than I can count. Hey, aren’t you…?” Spitfire squinted, trying to recall who this pony was.
“Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia’s protégé. You’re a Wonderbolt—So what are you doing here?” It was Twilight’s turn to try and figure out something without help. Spitfire chuckled good-naturedly.
“I came to see the Summer Sun Celebration, as a representative of the Wonderbolts. The others on the team are busy doing a show back in Trottingham, and ‘sides, the Princess wanted me to be there for some reason. Not sure why, though.” Spitfire opened her wings and closed them idly. “Why are you here, anyway? I’d think you’d be in Canterlot with your teacher.”
Twilight shook her head. “No, Princess Celestia wanted me to check on the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration, and she wanted me to make friends. I’m not sure why, either.” The unicorn got to her feet and picked up the book with magic.
“That’s weird. Only Princess Celestia knows what she’s thinking, and she is the wisest in Equestria, so I guess we shouldn’t question her. I’m sure you know more than I do about her, anyway.” Spitfire smiled before continuing, “You seemed like you were in a hurry earlier, Twilight. Since I kinda just ponynapped you, do you want me to fly you somewhere in particular?”
Twilight gulped. “I was going back to the library, but it’s okay, I don’t need a r—“Spitfire picked the unicorn back up with a devious smirk, cutting her off. “N-No, it’s really alright, I can just wal—ah!” Twilight shouted as the Wonderbolt took off at top speed. “Oh sweet Celestia…” She murmured.
It didn’t take long before she was in front of the library, dizzily swaying from side to side. Spitfire chuckled at this. It was a very amusing sight—she looked just like a filly.
“Well, I gotta go, Sparks. I don’t wanna get you in trouble with the ponies in this town. If you ever need anything at all, just call for me. You’re pretty cool, and I can tell you’re not one of those crazy filly fans of mine. I may go all over the place, but I’ll make sure to stop by. Oh, and I’ll find you at the celebration, since I’ll have to be disguised. Peace out.” Spitfire flew off with a trail of dark looking clouds, causing ponies around to stare in awe. Some of them had even seen her speak to Twilight, and were gawking at her as well.
The unicorn smiled sheepishly and disappeared inside of the library with the book. She had studying to do.
If anyone is wondering why I made this story, it's because of this: I love the background ponies. I wasn't sure about some of their personalities, so I gave it my best shot. If you think it doesn't seem right, or seems OOC, just let me know. And if you spot any errors, also let me know.
At first the inspiration for my story was this: What if Twilight never met the Mane 6? So I started off like that, but then I wondered, what if she met other ponies instead? And I picked off two earth ponies, two pegasi, and two unicorns that never really got any screen time, and voila! This was made.
I am going to try and make it different than the show so it won't be a copy. And if anyone couldn't tell: yes, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack do exist. Twilight just hasn't met them. (Some of them will be referenced occasionally, and if you saw some of those have a cookie.)
Hm, I think that's everything. I'd like to know what you guys thought of the story, and any input is gladly welcome. Constructive criticism is nice, but I'm not going to be the person who says to limit what you write. ("Only constructive criticism, please!") So just put what you think. Even if it's just hateful. I can find things to correct through that stuff, too.
When I read the description I was a bit sceptical of it's worth. Upon reading however I'm happy to report that I enjoyed. Nice jobs sir/ma'am. You have my up vote.
1638713
Can i have my cookie now?
It's a good story, i like the way you write Derpy and the idea is interesting.
Well, here's one reader's opinion of this.
This whole segment seems a bit awkwardly phrased.
Other than that, though, the writing was pretty decent. Honestly, I find it a tad boring, but with the first chapter in any story, there's not much that can be done about that. It's a good thing that you plan to divert plot from the show, since reading a remake with changed characters would be unbearable to view, even if it was expertly written. Overall, you show some potential as a writer, and this could go pretty far with an interesting storyline.
Ohoho~ Found this because of moderator duties for a group and it seems interessant. I'll be giving it a read when I'm able
Very nice mang.
Oh No Peppy might get an idea run for the hills!
Anyway this fic seems like it could be intresting. I wonder how you're going to work around Spitfire and Octavia's jobs though given that one's on a tour that often takes her cross country and the other lives in Canterlot.
Now that I've read it, it definitely is interesting, but I hate, hate, hate what you did with Derpy.
Very good choices with the mane 6 subs. Just thinking through the various episodes and how they will work and other than episodes, there wouldn't be a ton that this group would fail at that the mane 6 would walkover. It is also a much more mature group (both in age and demeanor) and a more musical group with lyra and octavia.
this is great
except derpy. imo she could do without the speech impediment being typed out; when i read it like that it sounds really bad in my head.
1638908
Hm, perhaps you could tell me what didn't sound right? ...I tend to have trouble with summaries in general, but I'm glad that you gave my story a chance!
1638918
Sure can! I hope that wasn't the one AJ and Pinkie made together... And thanks for the compliments! I'll try my best to keep up to par. And as a side note, I wasn't sure how to write Derpy's speech, so I just kinda...tried.
1638982
Thanks for all the feedback. I was writing that part while in the car, and actually made a self-note to go back and change it, but forgot about it... I have fixed it so it's easier to read, but thanks for reminding me! And I agree about the first chapter thing. I tried to keep it with the same tone as the actual show, (how Twilight met all of the bearers one after another) but did change some things. I am also going to change a lot, so it won't be just...plain.
1639028
Mod duties? For the group Twilight Sparkle, maybe? And (replying to second comment) by what I did with Derpy, are you referring to having Twilight lie to her? Or maybe something else? If it has to do with characterization, I can try to correct something, or keep it in reference for the future. Thanks for taking the time to point it out.
1639464
Seems like everyone's saying that it's 'interesting...' That's good. I have some ideas for that, as in the show the Mane 6 were always in Ponyville. I decided that actual jobs that were in different places could spice it up, but you'll have to wait and see.
1639365
Thanks, and mang?
1639864
Thanks! At first, I hadn't actually thought of the Wonderbolts, and was going to use Vinyl Scratch instead of Spitfire. But then I remembered that there were supposed to be two of each tribe, and that would tip the scale. I also didn't want to have too many ponies with music backgrounds, so I had to change it up. I'm hoping to have them (Lyra and Octavia) have their own music-type interactions, but nothing is set in stone yet. I agree that they're going to be more mature, too.
1639921
Thanks for the compliment. I'll try to lessen that out so it doesn't sound so weird. The way I feel is that since fans named her Derpy (due to the eyes and all) is that it's now a big part of her character. The eyes, the speech, the clumsiness... I'm not saying that's all there is, but just that if I wrote her like a normal pony then there wouldn't be that much of a difference with others. Although, your feedback is very much appreciated. I will try not to do that so much in the future. Thanks again!
1639928 It's how you made her literally retarded. I don't mind when people make her ditzy or airheaded or whatever, but the 'I is sorry Cuz I doesn't mean to' is just too much.
1639966
Hm, alright. I see what you mean. It was my first time trying to write Derpy, (I haven't actually read many stories about her, either) so I'm apologizing for that. I will make sure to not make her like that in the future. And, referring to my first comment, I wasn't sure how to write really any of the background characters. Thanks for letting me know about that. Don't want to make anyone too mad.
1639991 All the others are fine. I just can't stand it when people assume Derpy is retarded cause she has a lazy eye.
1640064
Actually, there are so many stories with Derpy not having any conditions beyond lazy eye that I actually find it refreshing when someone actually does make her mentally challenged. Bonus points when she lives a relatively normal life and makes friends despite this; Forrest Gump deserves love too.
1640543 I don't mind having mentally challenged ponies as assuming everypony is perfect is just dumb too, but every story I've read involving mentally challenged ponies makes Derpy the one with the issues. Never have I seen any other pony portrayed as Derpy typically is. Tis why I hate it.
An interesting twist on the original, well worth a follow.
Derpy seems OK so far. I hate it when fics take a physical illness and make her retarded. She is a normal mare with some sight and coordination issues. She aint brilliant but not everyone has to be Twilight. There is no reason she can't be as smart as say ... RD, AJ or Fluttershy.
1639928
Oh, don't take me wrong. It's not that anything sounded wrong, it's just that the idea sounded a bit ah... Strange. Untill I read the story I was a little confused about the whole idea and untill I read the comments I didn't understand what the point was.
But I understand now and I personally like the summary.
Good job.
Okay, this goes into the interesting pile. It's not a favourite yet, but definitely something to watch.
1645097
1638713 I noticed that you said dwindle instead of dawdle, also, it would be Oversee, not overlook. overlook means to turn blind eye to something, the exact opposite of what you're aiming for.
1656443
Oh my... Not sure why I did that... Thanks for finding those for me!
1642015
I know what you mean, and I'll try to not make them so...similar. I think that's what made them seem empty. I shall find/make up traits that each one has that will make them all different.
1644005
I understand. I'll try to make that up in the next few chapters, I suppose. Writing Derpy out seems like a minefield. It's kinda difficult, but I'll try to please all of you who didn't like the characterization. Although, being the kind of writer I am, I can't say anything is certain.
1645097
I'm glad that you think so. Hopefully, I will continue to improve with this story, and overall as an author.
Hmm. Like what a few others have said, the characters are all a bit dull. Spitfire, though, and Lyra are more exciting... Er, different from them? Meh. But I have the same problem with making characters different! I'm working on a story and they were all basically sunshiny balls of happiness. Anyways, continuing on.
If Derpy is the element of generosity, then does that mean Discord will trick her into thinking
Tom is a giant muffin instead of a diamond?
1638713 want a cookie to i saw bon bon said pinkie pie
A story without using any over used plots, has a new plot and uses the background characters while not completely OOC the main cast. . . I think this is going to be very good.
This is hilarious in light of Magical Mystery Cure.
Holy racism Mare-Do-Well!
Well maybe a local pony could have helped point you in the right direction Twilight. Kind of like the pony you just tricked away that wanted to help.
Also, found a type-o
Actually, Octavia plays the cello.
The one thing that annoys the hell out of me with the episode is that Twilight fails to realize that Celestia would already know about Nightmare Moon. Reason why (Although Twilight is best pony) I hated her at the beginning.