So yeah, if ya didn't read that prolouge, it's K. The names Handsome jack, I'm awesome, I'm the greatest, I did your mom, blah blah blah. Point is, fuck you, and fuck my week. Lose my girlfriend, my kid, my warrior, and my life (and I think my spleen), to some two-bit bandit A-holes who can't count to twelve. But, to make matters worse, I'm stuck here in ponyland. I arrived here, about two hours ago, in a forest, with nothing on me but my pocket watch, and a pistol.
Not bad. I've been stuck with worse.
"I mean shit, I had Moxxi as a girlfriend for more than two months. Not THAT'S hell!"
"Nothing can keep Handsome Jack down, not snow, not slag, not skag, not illiterate bandit jerkoffs. And most definitely Not-"
-THARK WFACK!-
I got hit by a branch.
A branch...
That FELL FROM THE SKY!
Oh no. Not having sky branches mess up my beautiful fa-...
Wait...
No...
Oh god no...
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck! They fucking took it! H-H-How...
...
"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FACE!!!!!!"
So yeah, lost my face too...
I always keep a spare but still, it'd have been embaressing to have been seen without it. Anyway, I'll spare you my jig through Everfreak Forrest and get to where I am now.
In a library (yeah, they still have these... Like with books and crap).
So pre-digital elightenment.
"I... I don't think I understand you."
"Well you are a horse so that's no shock, I am HANDSOME-JACK, I OWN HYPERION. I need passage off your stunningly colorful, back-water world, to Pandora so I can shove THIS pistol so far up and down various vault hunter orifices!"
I'm trying to talk to a purple pony and her little purple skag... It's a dragon but god is it as useless as one.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Twilight sat in the library, which was slightly odd as she never "just sat" a day in her life, however there is a first time for everything and today was a first time for many things.
For instance, never before had such a man ranted in her sanctum arborium librarium. When he arrived, this man, his clothing muddy and torn from an exercsion through the everfree forrest, had been babling about vaults, warriors, his week, butt stallions, and somepony(s?) he called "Dick Bags". He was human as far as Twilight could tell, her past experiances teaching her virtually everything she needed to know about these creatures, from mating habbits to politics she knew it all.
This human however, was differant.
He didn't look like a regular human.
He looked like an animated picture.
He had all the dimensions of a human male he just looked, well...
Cartoon-ish...
It didn't help that when Twilight had asked him what had happened, he went into an animated frenzy, acting out the whole conflict in paraphrase.
"Mr...Uhhmm... Jack, I'm truly sorry to hear of your hardship, and you have my deepest condolences for the loss of your daughter but... I'm affraid I don't have the means to send you home..."
Jack deadpanned, mouth slightly agape.
"What?"
"I don't know exactly where you came from, I need to do research before I can send you back safely. If you were from Earth it'd be different. But I've never heard of Pandora. If I'm to send you back safely, I need to know precisely what dimension your pandora lies. Or else something terrible may happen to you."
Jack's expression had gotten worse, what had been simple simple disbelief was now complete and utter "english major in a class on paralell universes explained in wingding", needless to say, the man was confused.
"Oh, sorry. Let me explain, you see every dimension has a magical cordinate, a place on the astral map of the wierd. You are in Equestria. It seems we're a dimension on an 'P' axis, meaning we intersect with any dimension on a 'Y' or 'X' axis. That makes it easy for a dimension on such an axis to collide with ours and leave something behind. But, as those dimensions carry on into the infinate unknown it becomes harder to trace that dimension, thereby making it more difficult to return something left here, back there. So to return you to you're dimension I must discover where yours is, when it collided with ours, and how soon until your dimension will cease to exsist to send you back proper. Any questions?"
"... Are you talking about magic?"
"Yes."
"Then why did you explain all that shit."
Been done. Too many times.
Not sure how this story will turn out considering the protagonist is an asshole antagonist from an M-rated game... but I've seen shitty premises turned into good stories before.
1669878
I had no idea going into the project
1670028 No one's blaming you.
1670044
Been done too many times? Mind linking all 25+ of these things then?
1670101 Nah, I'm too lazy.
1670123
Well how about 2 or three of the better written ones? Can't really claim this has been done before if you don't show some proof. I check new stories/updates multiple times a day. This is the first time I've seen Jack get dumped into Equestria.
1670164 Well, look it up. I know I've seen at least two other stories with the same name... I just don't have the time to link you. I'm a writer too, you know...
1670172
Any idea what I should search? Title names could be ANYTHING.
1670178 Fuck if I know.
To be honest I was going to call it "The secret orgins of Butt Stallion", "Butt Stallion Exposed", or "The life and times of a pony named Butt Stallion" but thought B-Stizzallion was already dizzone
This is gonna be freaking awesome! Read later priority!
1670184
Now that I'm looking, there are plenty of FiM/Borderlands2 crossovers. Now ones where Jack is just transported to Equestria for one reason or another? Haven't found another of those yet.
1670292
I knew about zer0 in eq. I read the shit out of that. It kinda inspired me to write this.
1670585
Im trying to capture as much "hes a dick, but omg i lolz at him"-ness as I can.
1670674 Love it how most of your comments are between two random dudes arguing over the originality of this fic I can tell this is going to be good my dear friend all I can comment on is it seems to move slightly fast and seems to be a little muddled but it is a good idea and a promising start. I don't judge a fic by its grammar I judge it by the idea the motive and most importantly the creativity of it. Perfect grammar is useless if the fic is boring as fuck am I right
1671043
I was waiting for somepony to say that!
Excuses time!
Im writing this using the xbl internet explorer app!
but yes, I noticed Im moving quickly and things are hazy. Thats my bad, and Im shit at grammararar
but Im happy you think I have potential!
... I LOVE TEH EMOTCONZZ!!!!
ps: is your username a dnd reference?
God that ending