"Okay everypony, and dragon, and monster, and whatever else you could be, we're all going to stand up and introduce ourselves!"
A set of over a dozen eyes just stared at him.
"I'll be the first to start."
A tall creature of mispositioned animal parts slithered up from his chair, simply hovering in mid-air rather than stand. His wonky eyes madly went to and fro amongst the others, lit up with glee and a tad hint of insanity."Hello!"He chuckled as he held up an eagle's claw."I'm Discord, Spirit of Disharmony, master of all things chaotic. Good to meet you all!"
"Shouldn't you be imprisoned in stone or something?"A voice from the back of the room called out. Discord looked for whoever had questioned him, his eyes roving over a room filled with dozens of evils of all kinds sitting in rows of chairs, but he only shrugged in reply."This story isn't canon, my questioning friend...who I'm going to find and speak with after our meeting is over."
A large blue minotaur closer up in the front row raised his hand."Iron Will has a question!"
"Yes, you with the muscles!"The draconequus pointed at him.
"What's canon?"
"I'll tell you later. Can we just get on with the introductions people?"
A shuffle of chairs as one by one, most of them stood up to introduce themselves.
"Queen Chrysalis, Mother of all Changelings."
"Nightmare Moon, embodiment of the night and fear."
"The Great and Powerful Trixie-"
"Diamond Dogs!"
"Hggggooooooh!"A timberwolf howled out.
"Alright, good to hear, glad you all could make it."The spirit of disharmony clapped his hands, settling down all the gathered evil."I would like to bring to order this week's meeting of Villains Anonymous. Let's see...what's on tonight's schedule?"He held out his awaiting palm, to which a parasprite dropped a scroll into. Producing reading glasses from thin air, Discord unfurled the scroll to read."Okay..."He muttered as he leaned in close towards the scroll.
"'Learning to Deal With Defeat'...maybe we should skip that one. '101 Ways to Kill a Pony', we'll get to that one later tonight. 'Keeping Your Doom Castle Clean', ooh, gotta remember to attend that one."He went down the schedule, only to pause at a certain item,his lips muttering as he read."Chrysalis!"He snapped up to look at her.
"What is it, spirit?"She asked contemptuously, her green eyes meeting his.
"You forgot the snacks this week...again!"He scrunched up the scroll in his paws, the paper immediately incinerated into flecks of cinders.
"A queen does not retrieve...snacks."
"Oh, she does if she wants to keep coming to this support group!"
"I do not need this...'group', as you so claim it to be."She huffed in reply.
"Then why do you come every week?"Nightmare Moon asked with a bored tone, leaning back casually in her chair.
"Because..."She paused as she raised a hoof spattered with holes to point at the night alicorn, only for her words to fall short."...I'm lonely."She whispered.
"What was that?"Nightmare's face held a fanged smirk.
"I'm lonely..."
"Speak up, darling, none of us can hear you."
"I'm very lonely, happy now?!"She screamed out, frantically waving her forelegs."All I have is my changelings,"She grabbed a nearby one and clutched it tightly to her chest."And they're not the smartest things to have an intellectual conversation with! All they can do is screech and chitter!"She raised it up to her face, the changeling's stupid gaze staring into hers."But your momma's little babies, aren't you?"She cooed, to which the creature replied with a shriek.
"See everyone, now that's a break-through!"Discord guffawed, to which a series of clapping occurred for Queen Chrysalis.
"You still have to bring the snacks next week though."He deadpanned to her."Okay, next on the agenda,"A small sound of a door closing and the shuffling of hooves towards the back row was heard. He cocked up his head, stretching it over the varying crowd of assembled evils. Spotted in the very back row was a grey unicorn, his mane whipping about as tendrils of smoke, armored in steel and a regal coat over his back. What stood out was his angry red horn.
"You there!"Discord pointed, to which every creature followed his finger to turn around and gaze at the unicorn, who only huffed in reply."A newcomer!"He giggled almost playfully."Welcome to Villains Anonymous, you're a little late, but could we get your name?"
A grumble came from the superfluously dressed unicorn.
Having no patience for going through another set of whispering, Discord snapped his fingers, and the large unicorn landed right next to him, looking surprised as his heavy metallic hooves clacked down onto a new spot.
"Your name, sir?"
The unicorn looked from Discord to the crowd in front of him. He grimaced with gritted fangs as he roared out his introduction with a gutteral voice."I am King Sombra, feared ruler of Crystal Empire in the far north, my kingdom taken from me by-"
"Ponies."Discord interrupted him.
"How did you know?!"Sombra turned to look warily upon Discord.
Discord rubbed a claw into his ear, picking out some ear wax."If you could turn down the volume a bit on your voice, that'd be swell. And to answer your question,"He sucked at his teeth."We've all experienced it. Let me guess, there were about six of them...possibly a baby dragon too...and they were named Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity?"
Every villain present hissed or winced at the names of the Mane Six.
"...Yes."Sombra glowered in reply.
"King...Sombrero was it?"Discord wrapped a friendly arm around the monstrous unicorn's shoulders.
"Sombra."
"We've all tasted defeat by them...you are amongst friends."He waved out a paw towards the multitude of baddies, each one giving him a sympathetic look. King Sombra allowed a small smile to escape.
"I just don't know!"King Sombra cried out, tears openly pouring from his eyes, to which Discord patted him on the back, offering a tissue.
"All I wanted to do was take my kingdom back...is that so wrong?!"
"Ssh...no it's not, friend. All I wanted to do was plunge Equestria into total chaos...but they denied me that too."
"I mean,"Sombra stuttered out, blowing his nose on the tissue."There was nothing wrong with the way I was running the kingdom! All the crystal ponies had to do was subject themselves to me as their utter ruler! I mean, I even gave them all a steady job working the crystal mines! Sure, they were chained up while doing it, but it was still work! If I hadn't been banished, do you know how much our profits would've soared?! It would've helped Equestria's failing economy with our crystal exports!"
"Let it all out, Sombrero, let it all out."Discord patted him on the back once more.
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Nice. Go on.
Moarsmiles.smile-o-pack.net/2665.gif please.
I look forward to reading more! New chapter, please.
This Was Awesome, Makes me want to sit down and be a Part of the Baddies Committee >:3
Nice story! Its small stature doesn't interfere with its pleasant storyline. Here, have TWO mustaches:
Brilliant
I will keep an eye on this.
That was great. :D
Not bad... it could have been a lot better if you tried to dig deeper into the concept, but it was good story none the less.
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Man I wanted to hear "101 Ways to Kill a Pony"
Ahh, so this is what they do in their free time. Maybe the Mane 6 have a 'Heroines United Club' to discuss how to defeat the villians.
Somepony write a spin-off!
This is bucking brilliant. Are you planning to continue it, or is this all it is? It's fine as a one-shot, but it's such a brilliant idea that I need MOAR.
lol
This needs an editor, ASAP!
Also, it would've been funnier if Sombra only spoke in Blargh and Gir and Hahahaha
Jus' sayin'
1597775
Actually, seeing how slightly popular this got, working on some new chapters already.
1597998
Possible future chapter, or, go ahead, write that spin-off somebody!
1598501 Who brings the snacks to the Heroine's Club
1598655
Take a wild guess. She's hyperactive, bouncy, and pink.
This.... um..... is this inspired in part by Wreck-it-Ralph in any way?
Also, it was an entertaining read.
1598670
How'd you guess?
And thank you^^
1598861 I could guess because I watched it just a few days ago. I love that movie.
(Also, the "Villains anonymous" thing kinda gave it away too)
This is gonna be good hehe!
this story receives 3 of 5 moustaches
If Nightmare Moon was there, could Pinkamena show up too? Both of them are second personalities, so.. Why not?
1600430
I'll consider it^^
If Chrysalis forgets the snacks again, maybe she'll have to bring the snacks? She's quite used to having another slightly loony superior tell her what to do.
This.. This has my infinite Approval!! :D
Nooot bad (puts on monocle) my good sir your tale has spiked my interest please go on
I'm guessing they'll have guest speakers from other worlds? Cause that would be Hysterical!
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Have you ever noticed how similar Nightmare Moon and Queen Chrysalis look(tall, gangly, and scary eyes)? And I'm more than halfway convinced that King Sombra's an Alicorn under that kingly robe. Just food for thought.
There, there.
An Evil Overlord is never truly appreciated in his or her own time.
And freaking hell Chrysalis is amazing, I second that changling drones are adorable.
This is pure awesome. Continue!
This. Is. Bucking. Hilarious!
So funny, in fact, I can't even complain about the errors and formatting TOO FUNNY!
(though it would make it a bit easier to read, if you did fix up the formatting a little)
Throughout all of the fan-fics I read. That line is the best one out of all of them >3<
This... is... FANTASTIC!!!!
I can't wait to read on!!
Wow, this is gonna be so awesome
I can almost imagine what will happen at the end of the meeting:
I'm writing a story similar to this and figured it would be a good idea to read the first chapter alone to see what's already been done. It gave me a pretty good laugh, especially Chrysalis and Discord's antics.
Problem with Sombra, though. The mane six barely had anything to do with his defeat. they just kept the populace occupied. It was four particular siblings who worked together to bring about his downfall: Twilight, Cadance, Shining, and Spike (who put his life in greater peril than his siblings). Hell, Sombra shouldn't even know who the other Element bearers are unless he was bringing himself up to speed on Wikiponya while lurking about outside the Crystal Empire.
wait no snacks
This story has my complete and utter attention, I was laughing so hard. Oh this is going to make my week! Will the Elements of Disharmony be in this by any chance?
But if it's Villains Anonymous, shouldn't they be ... anonymous? I think it would be pretty funny for them never to use any names, and refer to them only by description. Or for Discord to give them all cute nicknames.
That is all.
The title and discription drew me in, and I was not disappointed. Chrissy and her Changelings are just so adorable! Who says evil masterminds can't be loving moms?!
And, of course any story that inculdes ole Dissy is an insta-win in my book!!
faved!
The spacing. Oh the spacing. I think that every time you write a '.', ' " ' or a ! you should have a space after it. otherwise nice
A collection of the greatest
dumbasevils in Equestria?1-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/a/image/1340/30/1340301645470.jpg
I stopped reading at the fourth wall joke.
You can do better, kiddo.
Egads! CUTENESS OVERLOAD!
Such a loving mommy, isn't Chrysalis? I mean, if she's just lonely, I'd be her friend! Dealing with nothing but random squeaking and shrieking and Celestia knows what other noises, I'd want a friend, too!