“… and then, I asked her to change into me, and she turned into a little purple Pegasus! It was so cool! I think this means I’m going to get wings, and I’ll even be able to fly when I get older! Maybe I’ll learn magic and be able to fly with that! Oh, that would be so cool!” Spike gushed over the counter to the white Unicorn before him. Rarity was slowly backing away from the baby dragon, looking at him as though concerned for his mental state. The telltale tinkling whoosh noise that accompanied a teleport interrupted his rant, and saved the fashionista from further torment.
Rarity turned towards the source of the noise, making the logical assumption that Twilight was returning alone. “Oh, Twilight, darling, Spike has just been telling me the da- waHAHAAAAAA?” The white mare shrieked, skittering to the other side of the room and vaulting the counter to land solidly on top of Spike, whose expression displayed an amusing combination of pain and joy at being touched and crushed by his beloved.
Outside the library, Roseluck and Lyra were having a conversation. The shriek of pure terror that expelled itself from the library momentarily drew their attention, before both mares shrugged it off as Twilight trying to get Spike to do something against his will – again. The blood-curdling screams were something the town had simply gotten used to by now, when they came from the library at least.
Back inside the tree, Rarity was doing her best to relocate herself as far away from Chrysalis as possible. Moving in perhaps the most undignified manner she had since her foalhood, crawling into the far corners of the library, making herself as small as she could.
“Rarity.”
“Twilight?”
“Get over here.”
“… no.”
“Rarity, over here, now.”
Twilight had this voice she used, on rare occasion, which held almost as much power over a pony as Fluttershy’s stare. Much like with Fluttershy, “the voice” was beyond her control and just happened sometimes. Now was one of those times.
“Yes… darling…” Rarity said, inching agonizingly towards the ponies in the center of the room at an agonizingly slow pace.
“Twiley, is this going to be ok? I mean, I recognize her from the wedding, I know she’s one of your friends, but…”
“Oh, I know this one,” Chrysalis said, the sound of her voice sending Rarity back to the corner, and forcing her to start again after another glare from Twilight. “She’s the one that caught my bouquet two days ago. Pushed several other mares out of the way, if I recall properly.”
Rarity’s jaw dropped in surprise. “How does she know that? This… horrifying, awful creature that impersonated your foalsitter and put a spell on your brother!” Chrysalis winced at the insult, but held her tongue. “How can you stand here and just be so calm about it? I’m calling the guard!”
“Rarity, if you remember… I am the Captain of said guard. You could call them, and I could tell them to arrest you. They’re my stallions, regardless of what part of Equestria they’re stationed in, and they follow my orders and trust my judgment. And, as they are prepared to kill at my command, I would advise against calling my wife an ‘awful creature.’”
“Your… your… your wife?” Rarity stammered.
“Yes, I am his wife, and he is my husband. I have revealed myself to him and our love has only grown stronger. I must thank you for the cake, Rarity. It was quite… moist,” Chrysalis said with a wink.
“Ugh! Still in the room!” Twilight said, heaving an exasperated groan.
“That cake was meant for the Princess and the Captain! Not some… imposter!” Rarity practically yelled.
“She is the princess!” Twilight and Shining Armor replied in unison.
Rarity was shocked. Of all ponies, how has Twilight fallen under this creature’s spell? I’ll have to contact Celestia at once, perhaps Spike will help me. Oh, no! He was talking about how great she was earlier! He’s out of the question. I suppose I will have to visit Canterlot myself. I am one of the Bearers of Harmony, after all, surely the Princess could spare a few moments for something of national importance.
“I will not believe it until Princess Celestia herself tells me so, face to face,” Rarity said, adding a harrumph to punctuate her decision.
“Fine. I’ll contact Celestia. In the mean time, at least let me explain to you what happened. You see, seventeen years a-” Twilight began, before being interrupted by her brother.
“Twiley doesn’t abridge things very well,” Shining said with a smile. “So, long story short – the real Princess Cadance died many years ago, and with her last breaths asked Chrysalis to replace her. Chrysalis agreed, and eventually met my family and myself. We dated, we fell in love, we got married,” Shining’s voice took a sterner tone as the story continued, “Changelings pretending to be Chrysalis attacked on our wedding day. The only thing I didn’t know was what she actually looked like. I love her for who she is. That didn’t change. That won’t ever change. So I implore you, make a decision now – call the guard and tell them their CO is harboring the most wanted criminal in the country – which by the way, I’m not – or stay here. The choice is yours. One ends in your arrest, the other ends in you having a newfound friend in the Queen of a race. So choose.”
A flash of green next to Shining Armor.
Rarity fainted.
Shining Armor looked next to him.
Where he expected to find his wife, he instead saw Rarity – or rather, an exact duplicate of her. Spike practically teleported across the room, and deftly caught Rarity before she hit the floor, shooting Chrysalis an annoyed look, but at the same time overjoyed at the concept of there being two Raritys.
“Well… she had a more extreme reaction than I was expecting. I thought after your reaction, Twilight, and yours, Shining, and you as well, little Spike, that she would be more amused and intrigued than afraid…” ‘Rarity’ pouted, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Another flash and she reverted to her natural form.
“Actually, Chrysalis, if you could change to Cadance, I’ll wake Rarity up. We could probably convince her she had a bad dream,” Twilight said, sincerely.
“Ok,” Chrysalis said, flashing into her Cadance form. “Nothing else has failed, has it?”
Twilight looked her over quickly. “Nothing that I’m seeing. Just remember not to talk. We could say you lost your voice from… umm… screaming…” Twilight said, blushing. Shining Armor snorted and Chrysalis gave that joyful little giggle she had. “Alright, here…” a brief flash of magic, and Rarity’s eyes fluttered open.
“Oh! Twilight! Shining Armor! Princess Cadance! It’s so nice to see you! Unexpected, but nice!” Rarity paused for a moment. “Why am I lying on the floor?”
“I don’t know, Rarity. Shining and Cadance came to visit, hoping Zecora could make some more of that love potion you put in that cake,” Twilight fibbed. There’s enough truth to that. They came here to see Zecora about a potion. Close enough.
“Oh. Well then… Oh Twilight I had this awful dream that Cadance was still Chrysalis… I’m sorry, Princess Cadance,” Rarity corrected herself. “My apologies, your highness. You’re just so casual and friendly it’s easy to forget that you’re royalty.”
“Think nothing of it,” Shining Armor said. “A friend of my L.S.B.F.F. is a friend of mine, and a friend of my wife. No need for formalities here.”
“Oh, thank you, Pr… Shining Armor,” Rarity said. “So, you two… enjoyed the cake, I hear?”
Cadance nodded, and Shining Armor answered. “Yes, very much. It was delicious, and the results were… nothing short of amazing.”
“And your thoughts, Princess?”
“She, er…” Shining Armor began, “She… lost her voice.”
“How?” Rarity asked flatly.
“Umm… screaming.”
“Why was sh- oh. Oh,” Rarity colored, recognition flowing over her face. She smiled and winked, saying without words that she understood precisely why Cadance wasn’t speaking. Cadance blushed a little and smiled. Rarity’s eyes widened.
“Twilight, dear, could we talk in the spare room for a moment?” Without waiting for a reply, Rarity turned and exited the main room of the library.
“Of course, Rarity,” Twilight said, looking over her shoulder at Shining Armor. He cast her a wordless What’s going on? Twilight had no answer, and shrugged. As she exited the combination living area and entryway, Rarity closed the door behind her.
Back in the main room, Chrysalis looked at Shining, scared, and whispered to him.
“Shining? What was all that about?” Something felt weird, and she spoke, though, something off in her mouth.
“Wait a moment…” he whispered back, “Open your mouth, wide,” he instructed, his wife complying. His look changed from fear to terror.
“Honey… your teeth didn’t transform.”
So that’s what felt off. Wait, ponyfeathers – Rarity must have seen my teeth.
In the side room, Rarity was having a slight crisis, and some difficulty working out the words.
“Twilight. Cadance! Teeth! Wrong! Pointy!”
“Oh, Rarity. I forgive Spike for not being able to work out sentences sometimes because he’s a baby, but I expect you to be able to handle it. What’s wrong?” Twilight asked, slightly annoyed. Rarity paused for a moment, taking a few deep breaths and composing herself.
“Twilight… I think my dream might have been more than a dream. There was something wrong with Princess Cadance’s teeth. They were… fangs. They looked just like the Changeling Queen’s, from the wedding.”
“Rarity… if you’ll excuse me for a moment…” Twilight ducked back out of the side room, leaving Rarity alone and confused.
“Chrysalis! Your teeth!” Twilight hissed.
“We know!” The couple whispered back.
“Twilight, I don’t know why this happened! I don’t know what’s wrong!” Cadance said, on the verge of tears. “If my changing ability fails completely, oh… I don’t know what we’ll do! We won’t be able to hide anymore!”
“Look, Rarity practically knows already. We might as well just tell her,” Twilight said, sighing. “At this rate, all my friends are going to find out. Just wonderful.”
Twilight turned and opened the door to the side room. Rarity was gone, and the window was open.
Oh, horseapples, Twilight cursed internally.
“Alright, problem. Rarity is gone. She’ll probably tell everypony. Solution – she’ll go one of two places. AJ’s barn, or Fluttershy’s cottage. She hates getting dirty, so it won’t be Sweet Apple Acres. I would bet my life on it,” Twilight said.
“But would you bet our life together?” Shining and Cadance asked at the same time.
“I…” Twilight started, suddenly not sure at all where Rarity would have gone.
A pair of large white forelegs wrapped around her. “Twiley. I trust you, and you know Rarity so well. If you think she’s there, please, make all haste, and please be right. Now go,” Shining Armor said, giving his sister a quick squeeze before stepping away. Twilight nodded and teleported.
---
A half-moment later, Twilight reappeared outside Fluttershy’s cottage. To her joy, Rarity was just arriving.
“Rarity! Wait! Please, just… just let me talk to you.”
“Twilight? Can’t you see? It’s Chrysalis again!”
“Yes, it’s Chrysalis, no, not again,” Twilight explained rather poorly.
“What… what do you mean, ‘not again’?”
“That wasn’t a dream, earlier, when you saw Chrysalis. It was really her – the real Chrysalis, not the one that attacked Canterlot. She’s married to my brother, and she’s a wonderful pony. She foalsat me for years. She is the Princess of Love. She’s just… you, Rarity, are a shining example of why they can’t just tell the public. You fainted, you freaked out, and you ran. We can’t have that happen everywhere. There would be so much chaos that it would probably release Discord again. You see the problem?”
“I… I suppose, Twilight. Why should I believe you, though? What if you and your brother are under the same spell she –”
“Not her.”
“… same spell this other changeling put on your brother at the wedding?”
“I believe her because Celestia told me it was true,” Twilight said, hoping she could wrap up this conversation and get back to the library as soon as possible.
Rarity was surprised that Twilight would pull the “Celestia said it” card. Unless she’s serious. Oh, sweet Goddess, she’s serious.
“You… you’re not kidding, are you?”
“Why would I kid about this? This is my brother’s marriage! Considering how hard I tried to stop it when I knew something was off, and how much I supported it when we got ‘Cadance’ back? I believe with all my heart that she is the Cadance I always knew. Please, Rarity, come back to the library with us. Shining, Chrysalis and I can explain more when we get there. Can we go? Plus, I need to have a long talk with Spike about keeping secrets…”
“Yes… I’m terribly sorry, Twilight. I was just scared, after what happened at the wedding…”
“Exactly, Rarity. Are you ready?”
Rarity nodded, and the pair disappeared in a purple flash.
---
Chrysalis was pacing the library, with Spike and Shining Armor desperately trying to calm her down. When Twilight and Rarity popped into existence, she screamed and latched onto her husband. Restoring herself to a somewhat more dignified pose, she addressed the returning unicorns.
“Oh, Twilight! Were there no problems?”
“No, she was right where I thought she would be. Rarity, this is Queen Chrysalis. Queen Chrysalis, this is my good friend Rarity, She designed your dress, remember?” Twilight mediated.
“Yes, I do remember. You talk like this happened six months ago, Twilight. It has been two days.”
Twilight giggled sheepishly. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Anyways… Rarity, please don’t say anything. Please.”
Rarity struggled to maintain the smile, evidence of her struggle in her eyes.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you as the real me, Rarity,” Chrysalis said, extending a hoof.
“The pleasure… is all mine,” Rarity replied, making as light of contact as possible with the gnarled, perforated hoof before her. However, when their hooves met, Rarity’s mood changed in a flash.
“Oh, darling, your coat is simply marvelous! It’s so smooth and sleek – I bet liquids fall right off. Can you even get it dirty? This is amazing! Will you permit me to attempt to make clothing modeled after you, Queen? Oh, wait, if you’re the Queen of the Changelings, and Shining Armor married you… is he the King of your hive?”
Chrysalis paused for a moment. “I… that thought never occurred to me. While I am queen by birthright, I forsook the role seventeen years ago. I do not rule the changelings any longer, and a Queen is hardly a Queen with no subjects to rule. Though I do suppose, technically, Shining is a King now. Yes, by the way, you may attempt to model clothing after me. Though, if you could, do it discreetly, or come up with an alternate explanation. Please?”
“Of course, Chrysalis. Thank you,” Rarity said.
“No, thank you, Rarity, for not telling anypony,” Shining Armor added, “and thank you for being predictable enough that Twiley could find you.”
“Ah, yes, you’re welcome.”
“Well, Rarity, I’m glad you got to meet them again, but,” Twilight directed her speech to her brother and his wife, “Shining, Chrysalis, we really must be off if you’re to make the next train. I’ll teleport us there again. Chrysalis? Why don’t you change first this time?”
“Yes, I’d rather not go through this again,” she said, and flashed into Cadance. Rarity looked on in a combination of wonder and fear. “Though I will have to keep my mouth thoroughly shut,” Chrysalis added, with a toothy smile, revealing her fangs. “One pony freaked out by these is enough.”
“Alright then, ready to go?” Twilight asked, receiving a nod from her passengers. “Rarity, Spike, I’ll be back in a few minutes. Bye!” The trio disappeared.
---
They arrived on the platform with just enough time to spare to purchase tickets.
“Goodbye, Twiley. See you in a week?” Shining said, hugging his sister.
“Of course, B.B.B.F.F.” Twilight said with a smile. “I can’t leave you hanging now, can I?” Shining Armor merely laughed his answer. Cadance leaned in close to Twilight and hugged her as well, whispering in her ear.
“Thank you so much, Twilight. Thank your zebra friend for us, too.”
“Of course. Now hurry you two, you’ll miss the train if you wait any longer!” Realizing this, Shining Armor dashed onto the train, followed quickly by Cadance. As the train began to pull away from the station, a white foreleg, accompanied by a slender pink one, extended from a window to wave to Twilight. Be careful, you two.
Inside their closed cabin, Shining’s smiling face suddenly became serious.
“Chrysalis… we need to tell my parents.”
The pink Alicorn nodded.
Great!
oh yeah
Great chapter.
To be honest I was hoping that it would be Fluttershy in the library just to see here reaction.
Great work as always!
Did Chrysails just inspire Rairity to invent Raincoats?
Well, Rarity took it better than I expected. Spike however is gonna have the lecture of his life though.
Ah, the in-laws finding out. That's gonna be a big old can o' worms I tell ya what.
Oh god I think this is going where I thought it was. And it was retarded when I thought of it then! I pray I'm wrong, but it's really starting to look that way. Vash, I'm trusting you will have a nice twist or something better planned than just "Lol, her powers stopped working!"
tell the parent is never a good option
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/tumblr_mdngjxI1NO1roo4gno1_500.gif?1353563127
I don't know about these death threats....
Telling parents something? Never a good idea.
As I have yet to figure out how, I humbly request that someone here post a "Dis Gon Be Gud" gif for me.
(Also, I almost typed 'somepony', is that a bad thing?)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that Chrysalis' shapeshifting is systematically failing for no discernible reason, or that they are about to break the news to the in-laws.
I predict that the latter will be like a slow-motion train wreck: you don't want to watch, but you can't look away.
Okay. That paragraph was dark as fuck. Either seriously dark or I'm missing something?
1785016
eh, in my opinion almost typing/thinking somepony is something one gets used to after a while. I'd say as long as one still notices it it's not really a cause for concern. ^^
1784810
Agreed, it would be nice for him to have a feasible explanation for her powers failing.
1785016
Here ya go.
i.imgur.com/XRa82.gif
Oh... naughty! NAUGHTY chapter!
1785135
All in good time.
1785103
It's only dark if you don't find it funny. Sort of how it used to be a fanon joke that Twilight is no longer allowed near cemeteries or shovels anymore. Which should totally be a thing in the show. On another note, anybody know how to get the reply to show the name instead of the post number? It's been acting weird for me since the update.
Too short!
1785016
here you are.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/000/295/553/19a.jpg
1785135
1785364
Yes. Good. Thank you.
Btw, a word of advice Shining,
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTzvQminDTDipd4FCABCMLh1VExto-7TDiUPsXqPhSW3IymqlEPFVDKAm-U
1785303
Oh, I do find it funny... just well, also extremly dark. Those two things don't exclude each other.
Agreed on the cementary joke, it should be canon - 'cause it totally fits the character (also, it's not half as dark).
And the numbers resolve into the name after a while, it's been that way since before the update as well (including that it can take some time for them to do so)
"I have an idiot for a brother,"
Yes you do, Twilight, yes you do.
cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbB1sHOgZmSSIsMjAxMi8xMS8yMy8xNV8xM18yNV85MzVfMTYwNjU5X19VTk9QVF9fBjoGRVRbCDoGcDoKdGh1bWJJIgwyNTB4MjUwBjsGVA/160659__safe_image-macro_gilda_reaction-image_griffon-the-brush-off.PNG
That explanation on how Cadance lost her voice to.....
that was.... steamy.....
ohhhh
this is getting good!
Well, that went better than expected there. I thought the whole gang was there.
I really doubt Shining Armour would make a freakin death threat...
1784952
1787206
Ok, since there's confusion on that - that wasn't a death threat so much as "My men are all extremely loyal to me and will do whatever I say." I wasn't trying to go for an "Insult her again and I'll have you killed," but more a, "Go ahead, call the guard. See who they listen to." Shining's just a little bit miffed and may have worded it so that it sounded like a death threat - but think about it. Does he seem like the kind of pony who would kill, unless explicitly ordered to, or it were a "kill one to save a hundred" scenario? He doesn't strike me as that kind of pony.
1786584 Yes, quite steamy. I lol'd when I read that.
Also, I expected Rarity to react as she did. Good update
I'm calling it now since I forgot to comment earlier... its the love potion cake. that's the reason her powers are failing
1787852 They ate the cake after Twilight ran off because the failed voice change tipped her off.
oh gods...telling his parents his girlfriend is a changeling...this will be weird! I like it >:)
1788088.....i completely forgot about that. well i have 2 more theories besides that but they are far fetched and im going to keep them to myself until theres difinitive proof that one of them is correct.
Nice bit of meta-humor there.
This really is something.
Lovley story arc, lovley "hints", good charachterisation, I can't wait to see where this is going, keep up!
This is an incredibly interesting story. I can't help but feel that we're moving towards someone finding out and NOT just accepting it, however. That could be... troublesome.
This is really well written, and I love it! I imagine Chrysalis is having problems because, for once, she is being loved for who she really is? That's the only reason I can think of, really.
Is it me or are her powers failing more as she tells more ponies her true identity?
1792387
Because the very best soldiers should be mindless killing machines that just annihilate whatever they're pointed at. Right.
Equestria, from what we've seen, is different from here. As far as we can tell, the Royal Guard could just be a glorified police force rather than an actual military, and on top of that, Shining Armor seems like a generally agreeable fellow. Assuming it is a real military though, last I checked a soldier should be prepared to kill if necessary, but it is a suboptimal solution. I don't see how being humane or merciful makes him a shitty soldier.
the sexual innuendos...poor twilight
I just hope this power malfunction of Chrysalis' isn't permanent... It's always sad when someone loses something they've had all their lives, and especially if it's something that helps define them.
Other than that concern, nice work on this.
1798946
sorry i was trying to put something else but it wouldnt let me so i just went with this.
but the other video i was trying to put up was much longer and did not get to the point fast enough.
if your curious though, here is the other video
compare the two and tell me this one isn't dumber.
And FWI, I am the spy in the video
I love this story and can't wait for more
Hey there. I'm OtterMatt, and I represent a group of reviewers and editors known as WRITE, as one of the administrators. I'll be making this an official review of your work to date.
My first thought was that I would give this story a look-see since you asked, maybe read the first chapter or so, leave my thoughts, and move on. After I finished the first chapter, I saw some things I like, some things I didn't. I was prepared to give a non-committal opinion, except that I couldn't see how the story would progress after that point. That niggling doubt wouldn't let me just quit, so I clicked through to chapter 2.
Boy, am I glad I did.
I still believe that this story would flow more believably with canon if it had turned out to be a random changeling instead of Chrysalis herself, because let's face it—with the events of the wedding needed to be explained as a DOUBLE doppelganger, that's not stretching canon as much as outright spraining it.
The thing to it all is, however, you pull it off. After about chapter two, I stopped caring about the potential for canon-rape and explanations and whatnot, I just engaged with the story.
There's a few places here and there in each chapter where I would have had things to say as an editor, but for the most part your grammar and mechanics are great, and there's very few sentence construction problems that might trip up a reader. On the whole, this is a very well-crafted story.
It's nicely matched by the plot, as well. While it does get a little bit tiresome retreading the same narrative ground over and over just to see every pony's reaction to it in turn, I do like the fact that the reactions have been fairly varied and well-matched to each pony's personality. It also seems that a larger audience is about to come into play VERY soon... I really get the sense that you know where the story is going, and because of that, I get a bit excited to know where it's going as well.
The humor is subtle but present, the characterizations are solid and believable (aside from Celestia seeming a bit too distant and snarky for my tastes, but that's just my $0.02), and the story has managed to go places I wouldn't have expected and retains dramatic weight.
Final Verdict: 4/5 Pinkies
You, sir, have earned a fave. I want to be able to know where this goes.
- OtterMatt, WRITE Assignment Admin and Composer Laureate
djotter.blossers.net/StorageBank/WRITE01.png
Man, you got me since the first chapter, now I need more
Wait, what about the crystal empire thing?
This stories likely pre season three.
...That explains it.