The morning sun streamed through the curtains, waking Octavia from her deep sleep. Her eyes fluttered open and she groaned and rolled over, looking at the sleeping form of the mare next to her, she smiled and closed her eyes again, only to have them snap to open. She threw the sheets off herself (and Vinyl) and screamed “Nononononono, I can’t be late, not today of all days!” as she took of at full gallop down the hall in the direction of the bathroom. The sudden flurry of activity startled Vinyl awake. She looked at the clock on the wall, it was 6:30, she scowled “Octy, it’s six thirty in the morning, you aren’t going for be late for your own concert, Fancy is expecting you at one.” But Octavia didn’t hear her, she was already in the shower, trying to brush her teeth, wash her hair and wash her coat, all at the same time and failing, Vinyl walked past the bathroom rolled her eyes and proceeded to make toast, “It’s going to be a long morning.” she sighed.
After Octavia had calmed down some what and apologised to Vinyl for getting her up so early, the couple sat down over a breakfast of toast, eggs and orange juice, “Octy I’m not going to be able to come with you to Fancy’s, I have some business I have to have take care off.” Vinyl said apologetically.
Octavia looked crestfallen, “What could be more important than this.” giving Vinyl a heart breaking puppy dog face.
Vinyl winced at the sight “Octavia you know I wouldn’t miss any of your concerts, let alone one this important to you, but this is something I have to do, and before you ask I can’t tell what it is.”
Octavia looked puzzled, “Why not?”
“Because I can’t, all I can tell you is that it’s out of town, so I won’t be back till tomorrow, ok.” Vinyl hoped Octavia would leave it at that, but from the look she was getting, she knew she wouldn’t.
“Not okay, but I know you wouldn’t want to miss the performance if you had any say in the matter, so I’m going to let you go but I am not happy about it so I want you tell me one thing does this have anything to do with Pebble?” since the incident at the restaurant three nights ago, Octavia had been worried that Vinyl would do something stupid, like go after him.
“That lowlife, nah it doesn’t have any thing even remotely connected with him.” a dark look quickly flitted across her face as she remembered the stallion.
Octavia looked at her for a moment before she accepted the statement, “Fine I believe you, when do you leave.”
Vinyl smiled, glad that Octavia was letting her go, “It’s a long trip so I’ll be going around nine-ish.”
“So soon?” Octavia raised an eyebrow as she took a sip from her cup.
“Yhea, so I guess it’s a good thing you got me up then.” Vinyl said with a smile.
Octavia gave her a smile in return, and the couple ate the rest of their meal and cleaned up the dishes, Octavia looked at the clock and sighed, “You had best be going then.”
Vinyl looked at the clock and gave Octavia a quick peck on the cheek “All right, I’ll be back some time in the morning tomorrow.”
“Travel safe, okay.” Octavia pecked Vinyl’s cheek in return.
“I always do.” Vinyl replied, a blush spreading on her cheeks as she walked out the door.
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Pebble Shifter was walking down a dark alley way, his uniform long since discarded, he had finally gotten his life back together, he had been seeing a psychologist for his problems and had a good paying job, only for that mare to turn up and ruin it all again. She had abandoned her home and their dream, for some career playing music for ponies that didn’t care for her or love her like he had, and it had killed him inside, caused him to snap, and as a result lost five years of his life, five years of abuse and torturer. He thought that his time in prison would yield nothing good, and he had resolved himself to ignore any connections he had made in their, to try and live a good life, but she had once again ruined every thing and now she would pay. So here he was, going to see some old friends, members of a gang that had claimed that vamponies existed, and they offered protection to anyone who joined them, everyone in the prison had dismissed them as crazy but they were powerful, they had connections in the outside that had protected them, Pebble over the course of his incarceration had become close friends with members, they had protected him with out the obligation of joining, allowing him to survive, upon his release they gave him the location of a building and told him to go there if he should ever need help.
Now a year latter he was going to see them, he wondered how they would react, would they kill him on sight or would they welcome him with open arms….it didn’t matter, he was at the door of the building, “No going back now” he thought, and knocked on the door.
A burly stallion dressed in white robes answered “Welcome brother, please come inside.” and stood aside to let Pebble enter.
This was not what he was expecting, and it showed on his face, “You are not initiated are you.” the stallion asked.
Pebble looked sheepish, “umm no not really, I was told to come here by some friends if I was ever in trouble.”
“If one of our brothers thought you safe, then so do we, come inside.” the stallion gestured with his hoof for Pebble to follow him as he entered the building.
Pebble entered and was taken down the hall, his guided stopped at the doorway at the far end of the hall, he knocked on the door, “Through here your will find our current division leader for Canterlot, ask him for your help.” and with that he took off down the hall back to his post.
With his mind full of worst possible scenarios, Pebble opened the door, and found himself looking at a white office, files neatly stacked in a corner, a large writing desk in the centre, behind it was a orange earth pony stallion, his cutie mark was hidden behind the desk and he wore a white robe that had on each shoulder, a sun being encompassed by two white wings stitched in. He looked up at Pebble, “I don’t know you, you must be new.” He gestured at the seat in front of him “Please take a seat and tell me what your business here is.” his voice sounded like it belonged at a cocktail party, rather than in some back street office.
Taking the seat, Pebble looked around the room, his confusion evident on his face. “Not what you were expecting?” the stallion said with a smirk. Pebble just shook his head; the stallion smiled again “So mister…?”
“Pebble Shifter…sir.” Pebble replied nervously.
“Well Pebble, what brings you here?”
“I was told if I needed help to come here by some ponies in prison.” the stallion nodded his head, indicating that Pebble should continue, apparently this wasn‘t new to him. “I was recently fired from my job as a waiter at Le saveurs de Prance because I shouted at my ex who was dinning their.”
“And how do you think we can help you?”
“I want to kill my ex.”
“Mister Shifter” the stallions voice taking a sharp tone “this organization does not kill innocent ponies for no reason, if you want to kill your ex go after her yourself”, the stallion gestured to the door.
Pebble was disappointed, the gang members had a conscience, “Who knew?”, “I would but her marefriend has these red eyes that give me the shivers…” the stallion held up a hoof to silence him.
“Red eyes, ruby red?” Pebble nodded, unsure of where this was going “What did she look like?”
“Well she was a unicorn, white coat and light brown mane that had a kind of red tinge to it.” he looked at the stallion “Are you okay?” he asked, the other pony had sat up straight upon hearing the description.
“Are you absolutely sure of this.” the stallion asked in a small voice.
“One hundred percent sure.” Pebble was confused, what did the mare matter to them?
The stallion got up out of his chair, walked over to Pebble and held out his hoof, “Then I think we can help each other out, call me Mister Orange, and Pebble…welcome to the Angles of the Sun.”
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It was night time in Manhattan and many ponies were out enjoying themselves at some of the city’s many nightclubs…and many ponies were stumbling home, drunk and alone. Vinyl was on top of a building looking down, she hated herself for what she was about to do, her target was a light blue stallion with a white mane and three notes as a cutie mark, he had stumbled down a back alley to throw up. Seeing her opportunity she stepped out in to open air and fell, before she hit the ground her horn glowed dimly, slowing her fall so that she landed with out a sound behind the oblivious stallion. The stallions wiped the vomit from his muzzle, turned slightly, noticed Vinyl and before he had time to even think of a greeting found he pinned to the wall behind him.
The impact sobered him up rather quickly, “Please take my money just don’t hurt me.”
Vinyl looked at him with a sad expression on her face, “I’m sorry about this.” and pushed his face upwards, exposing the neck and before her victim had time to scream, lunged at him, her two upper canines morphing into fangs.
The stallion felt a sharp pain pierce his throat, he kicked and tried to scream, but only a weak gurgling came out and his kicks quickly grew weak, within the space of a few seconds he was dead. Vinyl released her grip on the body, the corpse fell to the ground with a thud, she made a disgusted expression and thought “Ugh, di alcol ne sangue” (Ugh, to much alcohol in the blood) she quickly berated herself for the thought,“Ricordate facendo questo per tenere al sicuro, che non importa come il sangue I gusti finche non e sua amica Octy” (Remember your doing this to keep Octy safe, it doesn’t matter how the blood tastes as long as it’s not hers).
She focused her thoughts on a spell, her horn glowed white and she disappeared in a dark haze, on a hill outside Manehatten a dark haze appeared in the air and quickly formed into Vinyl without a sound “Abbastanza teletrasporto, scommetto crepuscolo piacerebbe impara che uno” (Quite teleportation, I bet twilight would love to learn that one”) she thought to herself with a smile that quickly turned to a frown at the thought that she couldn’t ever tell her friend about the spell because of the questions it would raise.
She didn’t move from her spot on the hill, just stood and breathed in the night air, watching the night sky and the lights of the city as she soaked up the peace while she could. The guards would find the body in the morning and would take note of the strange circumstances of his death, they would investigate for a week or two but wouldn’t get anywhere with it. They would then file it as another cold case and forget about it as other crime files were stacked their desks, this was Manehatten and ponies died every day, that was just how things worked.
She sighed as she looked at the city, so many lives just going from day to day with no purpose, any dreams long since killed by the harsh reality of the city, ponies that had cut ties with family and friends, perfect for her. No one was going to miss them. She didn’t have to kill, but if she feed without killing then she would have to feed on two instead of one, and the ponies would be left so drained that they would die within minutes without proper care, and even if they did survive a side effect of the feeding would leave them weak and prone to sickness for the rest of their life. No it was better to kill one pony, than to ruin the lives of two, it just the way things had to be.
She turned and started walking towards Ponyvill, she could just teleport but liked using the time the walk gave her to think. Her thoughts turned towards Octavia, bringing a smile to her lips “Come mai ha fatto arrivare cosi fortunate” (how did I ever get so lucky). As she thought about the grey mare and all they had gone through, she began to think about the future, in five years they would be mostly the same, in another five years age would start to work it’s magic, in another five Octavia might begin to wonder why she hadn’t changed a bit and in another five her lack of ageing would be impossible to hide. Twenty years, that’s all she had by her calculations, for Octavia it would seem like a long time, for her the blink of an eye, and the worst part, was that Octavia loved her just as much as Vinyl loved her, if she up and left, it would kill them both.
She cursed fate for giving her this impossible situation, she couldn’t leave Octavia, Octavia wouldn’t leave her, and she most certainly was not going to turn Octavia, seeing her become a killing machine would kill her inside. “Argh, perche fare questo a me” (Argh, why do you do this to me) after much internal debate, she decided to deal with each day as they came, buck the consequences. With a new resolve she quickened her pace, eager to see Octavia again and forget her troubles in the mare’s embrace.
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Octavia was ecstatic as she walked home, her performance had been flawless and Fancy Pants had been overjoyed at the conclusion of her performance, she could still hear his exact words “Bravo my dear, bravo, that was magnificent” he was so impressed that he was going to recommend that she be given a regular spot in the Royal Orchestra, being the gentlecolt that he was, he had ordered her a carriage and paid the puller to take her back to Ponyvill town square.
Octavia reached her front door, she noticed that it was already open, thinking that Vinyl had gotten home early from where ever it was she had gone to, walked in. “Vinyl are you back?” she called out, she heard a shuffling noise and what sounded like shushing, remembering a certain pink dynamo that threw parties she concluded that Vinyl must havenused lied about going out of town to organize a party for her “Oh she’s good” she thought and walked in to the dinning room a grin on her face, and promptly exchanged it for a look of horror, in her lounge standing in front of her was Pebble Shifter.
“Hello Octavia, nice place you’ve got here.” He remarked as he looked around.
Octavia tried to turn and run, only to find her way blocked by two big stallions dressed in white robes, she turned back to Pebble, and with a tremor in her voice “ What do you want Pebble?”
Pebble looked at her a mock thoughtful expression on his face, “Me...why all want is my revenge on you, my associates” he gestured to the two stallions behind her and to another two that had walked out of the kitchen, both were dressed in white, the one on the left , a unicorn, had a sun with wings around it, emblazoned on his robe‘s front, “on the other hoof want your marefriend and for that they need you alive, but make no mistake once they are done with her, you and I are going to have much fun.”
Octavia looked around frantically, seeing no escape she opened her mouth to scream, the unicorns horn glowed green and she blacked out.
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Vinyl had run home, all she wanted was to see Octavia again…and maybe a beer, but mostly Octavia, she trotted up to the door, noticed that it was already open, took a moment to catch her breath and opened the door. The lights were out and she could muffled voices, she closed her eyes and concentrated, she detected six different heartbeats and scents, one of which was Octavia’s, the other was that Pebble Stallion. Her eyes snapped open, if he was here Octavia was in danger, she walked down the hall, “Octavia are you in here?” she called out, knowing that she would alert the intruders.
Her vision was perfect despite the lack of light, she turned into the lounge and the quickly turned on the lights, her vision adjusted instantly, the intruders yelped in pain. She quickly looked around the room, old instincts quickly coming to the fore, there was five intruders and Octavia, they had tied Octavia’s legs together and gagged her, her eyes were wide open and darting around. She looked at the intruders four including Pebble were earth ponies, the other was a unicorn, Vinyl froze, looking at the symbol stitched on to the robes front, “No...impossibile” she thought.
The unicorn quickly regained his vision and noticed Vinyl staring at his symbol “So beast, you know who we are.”
Vinyl’s face contorted into a mask of rage and hate “Yes, I do, you’re the Angles of the Sun, hunters of vamponies, formed toprotect ponies from the dark, as your moto states.”
“Correct, you have good reason to fear us beast, my companions and I have put down eight of your kin, you will be the ninth, for all of Equestria we…” he was interrupted by Vinyl laughing “What is the meaning of this, why are you laughing?”, the unicorn took a step back, unsure of what was going on, by now most of the creatures he hunted would have gone berserk and attacked by now, yet this one was laughing at him.
Vinyl’s horn glowed and her mane fell around her shoulders changing colour, becoming light brown, her tail changing to match, her fangs sprouted, she raised her head, her laughing stoped and looked around the room, the other ponies were looking at each other nervously and Pebble had moved over to stand next to Octavia. She addressed the unicorn, her voice wasn’t like it was normally, it was cultured, refined, cold “The eight you killed we most likely neophytes, new blood, you should have researched who you were hunting.”
The unicorn was startled by her change in demeanour, “Who are you?” he asked, his face betraying his fear “What are you?”
“I am Vincenza Nightingale, you foals have broken into my home and attacked my partner, this is your one chance, leave now and never return to Ponyvill. I assume as initiates you know my reputation, thats if your order still teaches it's history ”
The unicorn nodded, going stock still with fear, recognizing the name, the other ponies were tense and looked ready fight or run at the drop of a hat, they had their eyes turned toward their leader ready to act on his signal.
The unicorn looked around nervously, he eyed his men giving each a long look, he gathered himself and faced down Vinyl. “Regardless of your reputation, I will be honoured to give my life if it means your end, ATTACK!” and he charged Vinyl head on, jumping over the coffee table to reach her, the other ponies charged also leaving Pebble standing over a fearful looking Octavia.
Vinyl smiled “And give it you shall.” her horn glowed and the table exploded upwards, riddling the unicorn shrapnel, killing him instantly, the other ponies barely had time to process their leaders violent death before Vinyl lunged at them, she collided with one, her horn impaling him through the chest, she teleported above the stallion next to him, landed on him and bit down on his neck severing his spine. The other two turned and tried to run, Vinyl leapt off the dead pony’s back, landed and faster than the ponies eyes could follow ran in front of one of the fleeing ponies, turned and bucked, a sicking crack was heard as the pony went flying backwards through the wall behind him into the kitchen, she turned to the last remaining white robed stallion, quickly ran in front of him, raised her front hoof and punched him square in the throat, the stallions head was flung forwards then backwards with a sickening snap. The stallions hadn’t even taken three steps, “Still got it.” she said to herself smugly.
Vinyl turned and looked at Pebble, he was shaking in terror, she looked down at Octavia, her heart stopped, Octavia was looking at her…in fear, she slowly looked back up at Pebble, her voice dripping with venom and fury “You caused this.”. She stepped forward and lunged, her horn glowed and she teleported underneath him, retaining her momentum, launching them both into the air. She clamped her jaws down on his neck, and with a violent jerk of her head ripped out his throat, the blood gushing out in a red mist, Vinyl gracefully spun in the air and landed, the body of Pebble landing behind her. Her horn glowed, the blood falling off her, her main and tail returned to their previous colour and style and her fangs retreated. She knelt down by Octavia and loosed her bindings and gag with magic, “Are you okay Octy?” she asked.
Octavia was sore from being tied up, but that didn’t stop her from bolting for the door screaming…she got two steps before Vinyls hoof connected with the back of her skull, knocking her out, as she fell Vinyl caught her with her magic and tried to hold the tears back…she failed. The tears streamed down her face as she cried, surrounded by the ruins of her life, her horn glowed as she teleported herself and Octavia away with out a sound.
109068Thanks Would you happen to know any good editors by chance
The plot thickens!
While I'm enjoying the story, you should really send this to an editor BEFORE submitting the chapter. Run on sentences and basic typos (Twilight's name isn't capitalized, you've got "their" instead of "there", you put "quite" instead of "quiet" you forgot the e in Ponyville, words with no space in between, and these are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. When I spot these while reading constantly, it starts to ruin the experience.
That being said, the story itself is really interesting, and I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
Sorry, this story now sucks. Vampires are no longer cool, now that they have been raped by Stephanie Meyer. I thought Vinyl was going to have some sort of traumatic past to escape from. Instead we get more vampire bullshit.
109218Where to begin.....
1-Vinyl does have a trumatized past, she has a lot of history to cover and unlike Edward, she isn't a pussy
2-Unlike Bella, Octavia flipped out and tried to run away
3-Again unlike Edward, Vinyl will go through a very dark phase in her past and it will be awesome cause she will kill many ponies...and not feel all bad and sappy about it immediately afterwards
4-While yes this is vampire stuff, it will be awesome vampire stuff, not sparkly, lovey dovey, Volvo driving fruit cake bullshit
I'm just trying to bring the awesome back to one of mythologies most awesome predators, just because one person completely raped it doesn't mean we can't ignore it and move on......just like cupcakes
That's... really sad actually. Certainly a unique approach to the mare we call Vinyl Scratch. I shall look out for more
109218Also thanks, you killed the good feeling about the story I had...I hope your happy
107066
That's what I get for making esoteric refrences
It's the lyrics to mr roboto by the band Styx
In short I was making light of the idea of vinyle being some kind of artificial being
109283 Thank you, at least one person gets what I'm aiming for
And yes it is sad, and I can assure you by the time I'm done recounting her history, you will either hate Vinyl (she's gona do some bad stuff) or want to give her a hug (she will cry....a lot)
109349Oh...I would have never gotten that
Soooo....what do you think of the new chapter?
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
109362.........You like the story, that's all the currency I need...and your soul would be nice
109350 Or I can be like pinkie and do both at the same time. Multiple personalities are fun
109356
Hmmm how to put this ..........
I'm not a huge fan of the whole .... What's a good term......"Blade" style vampires ( well vampires in general) also I'm guessing vinyle is one of those can go out in the sun without bursting into flames types.
Admitidly though it's a brilliant conclusion givin the popular image of vinyl ( the blood eyes especially). I just can never get behind something that prays on the innocent. Also I hope she's finds some better enemies soon ( van hellsing/blade pony ,lol maybe even an bellmount pony) these so called hunters were pitiful . Other wise it was good setup for a story but vampires have never held my interest much the exception being "war hammer" vampires for having a literal grab bag of powers/weakness depending on the blood line. Though I will encourage you to keep writing this as it is good ......so far.
In short not my cup of tea but you have my attention and will continue to read
109401Yes I plan to introduce Van Hoofsling (see what I did there) and he will have a very....interesting....connection to Vinyl to say the least, also the 'hunters' she encountered were the rank and file of the organization. The only other thing it can say about Vinyl is that she wasn't fully armed as well
109086
After reading both of these, I nearly felt the need to bleach my eyes. Sorry, but it's true. The premise of the story was fine. The execution was, bluntly, too damn fast. Yes, I know that you wanted us to know that Vinyl was/is a vampire. But you kinda rushed everything in the story to get to the end of this chapter. I felt like I was watching a Saturday morning cartoon show that was debuting. Suddenly, we move from heading out to a nice dinner to having a bunch of dead ponies in the living room. All in less than 8 thousand words. That's, roughly, 15 minutes or so on television. Tops. A story with a premise like this should be dragged out a lot more. Say, the first chapter is just about the plan to go eat and setting up for it. Chapter 2 is arriving and the incident with Pebble, in much more detail. Chapter 3 is the concert, deal with vampire hunters, and feeding. So on and so forth. Detail is key in many stories.
Also.... Commas. You had way too many, and not enough of any other punctuation. This is where editors come in handy. Even if it's your older sibling, or your best friend, just ask "Can you read over this for me and help me fix errors?" Something as simple as that would fix a lot of the minor errors in this story. If, however, you lack some of those that you trust, I'm available to help edit. I may not be the most "well-known" pony on here, but I've had a lot of experience in reading and analyzing writing, so I can help fix a lot of your errors in a very short period of time. Contact me if you want my help. This also goes for anybody that's writing their own story and is looking for help.
Basically, get an editor and don't rush through the story. I know it's your first, and it's a somewhat common mistake.. But that's what we're here for: To give you feedback and help you improve.
he has a bloody brother to prof read who is also a bronie or did you forget balancer
110022Mat, your comments are riddled with errors, you probably wouldn't pick anything up....honesty is harsh
http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQTqEasNn6oFpp8gFXQFXiQwykqfewPPXkP-NnFyyusgcVF0U89Rg
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQTqEasNn6oFpp8gFXQFXiQwykqfewPPXkP-NnFyyusgcVF0U89Rg
thats because I SPELL LIKE SHIT i can spot a bloody eror when i see it
Balancer, if you needed someone to fix your errors, you could've let me know if you needed someone to do that. I wouldn't mind doing it. I thought I was just giving you feedback about the story.
110869If you would like to the more the merrier that would be great. I didn't thank you would be interested that's all
110917 Nah man, I'd be happy to. Just send me the next chapter when it's finished and I'll get to it!
hmm... well didn't see that coming although i a LOVING this story so far.
110938Glad that you like it
110961
also, i must admit, it's nice to see a vampire story with a pair after all that horseapples with the ever *clears throat and in steven magnet's voice* fabulous edward.
At first it seemed like the usual shipfic (Not that I have a problem with that ^_~) but then. Just woah! A really entertaining read! Looking forward to more : )
112158Yhea I was thinking about it...for all of two seconds, (twilight) i'm glad to be able to inspire woah in people. Means my job is a success
So this fic is a crossover with the Twilight novel? Dayuuum, now that sucks... But I still like it! You gave Vinyl part of another vampire's personality, namely Alucard from Hellsing.
just quickly does enypony know how to get microsoft word document for free so balancer can write his chapters on my laptop. the laptop he is using at the moment has a tendincy to crash, over heat and then cach fire. no kidding it actualy caught fire once geting chapters out is harder for him to do on the older laptop so hellp would pe realy good
opps damm typeo's
127902
Probably a bit late now, but you can get Open Office for free; just make sure that the format of the files meshes.
I'm not one to talk about grammatical errors so I won't; the story is all that counts. In terms of story, you have blown my head back, gripped my face and twisted my dome clean off. That was some bucking awesome fight writing. I am a bit saddened at the loss of Pebble our douchebag antagonist, but his sacrifice was necessary to flush out some back story. The difference between chapter 1 and chapter 2 reminds me of Quentin Tarantino's Dusk Till Dawn, where you've set up an atmosphere leading me to believe the story was going one way and then you 180d it beautifully. I mean wow, I didn't expect that in the slightest, intrigued further!
Make the paragraphs less like blocks it should help it may not I am not sure since my stories suck but thats the advice I recieve repeatedly
Nightingale?
You play too much skyrim if that was the best you could come up with...
but still-- Praise the dark for the gifts it has bestowed upon us
927080 i like it dont be mean its perfect for a vampire.