"Chief? Can you hear me?"
When John turned his lights on in reply, Cortana sighed in relief, "I thought that I'd lost you too."
As the Master Chief slowly awakened to his surroundings, he found that he was still floating in the vacuum of space. He pushed himself toward an opening off of one of the many supports ringing the narrow hallway. As he slowly drifted toward the opening, he grabbed the assault rifle floating next to him, "What happened?"
"I'm not sure. When Halo fired, it shook itself to pieces; did a number on the Ark. The portal couldn't sustain itself; we made it through just as it collapsed." Cortana said, as the Chief arrived at the opening, realizing that he was in only the back half of the Forward Unto Dawn; the front half was missing. "Well, some of us made it."
When John decided he had had enough of looking out into the black and blue void, he twisted around so he could push further into the ship. There was a cryogenic hibernation room up ahead with a holographic plinth for Cortana. As Master Chief drifted to the holographic projector, Cortana told him, "But you did it, Truth, and the Covenant, the Flood. It's finished."
When Master Chief placed Cortana into the projector, he looked down at the small data pad displaying her current status and agreed with what she had said, "It's finished."
The Chief floated over to the weapons rack next to the cryotube, where he secured and locked his assault rifle into position. "I'll drop a beacon, but it'll be awhile before anybody finds us, years even." Cortana solemnly informed Chief as he drifted over to the cryotube. "I'll miss you," she said as the cover for the cryotube was closing.
Chief looked up at her and sincerely replied, "Wake me when you need me," and lay down in the tube, ready for the freezer to activate.
Cortana looked up in momentary surprise, then bowed her head as she placed her ally, and possibly good friend, into a deep hibernation that would last for a very long time.
~~~~~~~~~~
*Three Years Later*
~~~~~~~~~~
"Twilight, what are you still doing out of bed? It's way past midnight." Twilight Sparkle's small dragon assistant Spike questioned her. He had just woken up realizing that not only was his mentor still not in bed, but that it was also way past midnight.
"I know Spike, but I just can't shake this feeling that something is going to happen soon." Twilight quickly told him while starting to pace around the balcony that held her telescope (which she had levitated onto the ledge from outside, seeing as how it was way too big to carry up the stairs). She looked terrible. Her mane was out of place with small strands sticking out everywhere and her pupils were starting to become different sizes with one of the eyelids beginning to twitch rapidly.
"Well, what do you think it's going to be? Will it be good, bad, or just something random, like a meteor shower? That'd hardly be something to lose precious sleep over." Spike yawned, momentarily forgetting that Twilight had lost several nights of sleep over an almost tardy letter to Princess Celestia, Equestria's fair ruler.
"I don't know what it's going to be Spike, but I feel like if I miss it, I'll miss something very important. Don't worry about me, go to bed, I'll be there soon." Twilight assured Spike, so he went back to his small bed and promptly fell asleep. Twilight subconciously regained control over her twitching eyelid since she was soon deep in thought. "Should I send a letter to Celestia? I don't think that this would be something of great importance that I should bother her with." Her thoughts were interrupted when a shadow stopped above her.
"TWILIGHT SPARKLE, WE ARE IN NEED OF YOUR ASSISTANCE!" Luna shouted using the royal voice. It was a wonder that she didn't wake everypony up. "I HAVE FELT A DISTURBANCE IN MY DOMAIN, FAR ABOVE THE LANDS!"
Twilight just gave up on seeing if Luna would wake anypony else up, seeing as how it was obviously not going to happen. "Yes Princess Luna, I'm here! What was this about something intruding into your domain?"
"I am sorry to have awoken you Twilight Sparkle, but it is of the utmost importance that I use your telescope, for I cannot fly very far or high because of my injured wing and the Palace telescope is broken." Luna informed her very quickly, seemingly spooked about said object. This surprised Twilight, since not very many things could spook the tough-as-nails princess. "As I said, I would not have bothered you if it wasn't important, but this, object, is far larger than I had originally thought, and it is getting closer as we speak." Luna said with a still worried face.
"Alright Princess Luna, I'll let you use my telescope, just be very careful please; it's state-of-the-art technology and I would hate for it to be broken." Twilight said with curiosity and at the forefront of her mind, for she was beginning to wonder as to what this object was as well.
"Many thanks Twilight Sparkle, I am very grateful!" exclaimed Luna. So, she led the Princess of the Night to where her telescope sat on the balcony. Twilight trotted over to one side of her balcony as she patiently waited for Luna to find what she had felt. It was fairly easy to know when Luna suddenly cried out.
"Twilight! You must see this! It has not yet entered the atmosphere, but it soon will!" The tone of Luna's voice surprised Twilight yet again, seeing as how not only was Luna worried about this object, but now also very scared.
Twilight quickly paced over to the telescope and nearly put an eye out trying to see into it. It took her a little while, but when she found what Luna was speaking of, she reeled back in shock. She quickly looked up at Luna, who nodded and motioned for Twilight to look again. As she slowly placed her eye back to the telescope, she studied the strange object. It was humongous first of all, easily the size of most of Ponyville. Next, even stranger, the entire behemoth appeared to be completely made out of a reflective substance, showing that it was all made out of metal. Third, was the fact that the object looked as though it was torn in half. On one side, there were all of these jagged edges that could not have been there naturally. Then, she noticed that the object was rotating in a clockwise direction. What she saw next, surprised her the most. There was writing on the side of the metal giant. It was very similar to the common text of Equestria, just a few small differences, like a line moved, or a curve added.
Twilight, stepped away from her telescope and looked up at Luna, confusion in her eyes. "Luna, did you happen to see the writing on surface of this object?"
Luna looked at Twilight with surprise, "No, I did see not any writing. Why? What have you seen?"
Twilight, who was still wondering how the writing could be so close to their own, looked at Luna. "The writing on the side of it, it's so close to our own, it might as well be the same. What I read on the side of that strange object, were the words "Forward Unto Dawn"."
Grammar issues, missing words, but the beggining seems pretty solid. You might want to take a look at some top rated fics to see how they format to give your fic style points. And you probably need a new/better proofreader, or even better an editor.
not bad, moar?
mmm
This....I need to see more before I make a final judgement....
mmm you should search another cover image, you are going to get hate from other people
needs to be longer and you need to watch for grammar and in some cases lack of words but not a bad start
1516577 agreed i saw this cover on a different more popular halo crossover
1516584
it's from the haylo series, by marinemarksman, Haylo: a new world
1516596 yea that's the one
1516572 I agree. It's only one chapter and I saw a few grammar errors. But for all I know this will be a very good story considering the beggining. Please, by all means, continue.
1516610I don't want to make a rash decision and thumbs down it(or up) with out a better sample.
Seems interesting. Keep on writing
You should continue, so I can give this a proper rating.
This is very solid writing, you should read some of the higher rated fics on this site to see how most stories are formatted here, it would be much better.
Thanks everybody! All of your input has been very helpful. I had no idea about the picture, so I'll change that right away.
1516789
hey dude, if you want i can give u some pictures for your cover art, here are some:
th06.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/247/c/8/halo_4_by_pratt_face-d5dlu1e.jpg
th01.deviantart.net/fs71/200H/i/2012/170/c/6/halo_4__the_fight_begins_again_by_ryomaninja-d541unu.jpg
th06.deviantart.net/fs71/200H/f/2011/157/0/c/halo_4_is_here_by_supermanlovesaspen-d3i8e6y.jpg
th00.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/f/2012/227/4/9/wallpaper_test___halo_4__by_mackaged-d5b88v5.jpg
th03.deviantart.net/fs71/200H/f/2012/150/f/b/halo_by_sheephead24-d51obs1.png
1516920 Thanks! I'll be sure to use one of these
1516685 True, I guess we'll just have to wait and see what will happen.
For some reason Twi reciting "Forward Unto Dawn" gave me some awesome goosebumps. Keep at it!
YBG out -
Ok guys, I went back and edited this chapter a little more. Since I'm still going to high school, I'll try my best to update this with new chapters as often as I can.
whoa! spectacular story! i cant wait to hear more :D
You capture twiight's, Spike's, and Luna's personalities great
i was like when Luna came in
Don't make a master chief a pushover, ok?
Attack then make friends....screw its your story
1518701 Lol don't worry, I won't. One of the biggest reasons I began writing this was because of all of these different fanfictions not being able to show the attitude of Master Chief. They all make him seem cruel, whiny, or really anything other than how he really is. I hope to be able to get his attitude almost exactly as how he is. So, if you guys could tell me how I'm doing, that would be great!
1518721
Hell to the yeah!
1518738 Haha! I just put it up today though! I was actually about to start working on the second chapter.
1518738 Haha! I just put it up today though! I was actually about to start working on the second chapter.
moar
Moar
Moar!
MOAR!
MOOOOOAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!
omg i can see fluttershy coming up to master chief and doing this chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-dont-make-fluttershy-pull-the-trigger.jpg
1516920>>1517067 i vote for the second picture
1519595 Sadly, I could not find that picture even though it was the one I was going to use, so I got as close to it as I could.
1519751 aw ish. i like the picture you got but i still think the other one would have been better.
1519764 I totally agree
Okay everybody, I have been working off and on on the second chapter to this series. It is going really well and I hope to be able to publish it tomorrow! However, I will not be able to work on it monday because I have state marching band all day down in Pueblo, Colorado. I may not work on it tuesday either because of a new video game. But I will try. And you're all going to love it! Sorry, I'm a bit tired.
this looks like its going to be good
it seems alot of halo fics have been coming out recently must be because halo 4 is coming out really soon
1521147 More than likely. Although its funny, whenever I think about Halo 4, my hands start getting jittery with excitement lol
MOAR! please if you want
Ok guys. I am almost finished wih the second chapter but I gotta go Pueblo now. I'm gonna try and see if the hotel I'm staying at has a computer and if not, maybe my friend will let me use his lap top. If that does't work, then you all will just have to wait until Tuesday.
After reading the first chapter, my first impression is positive and I'm going to proceed.
That's kind of redundant. And more generally, I think the characters are too verbose in their speech, making it sound tad unnatural. Also, staying up late because of a vague premonition doesn't sound like something Twilight would do.
I think the Forward Unto Dawn is supposed to be roughly 500 meters long and that's before it gets chopped. Ponyville isn't that small, right?
After reading the first chapter in quote i said "HOLY FUCKING SHIT" cuz it was amazing.
1516567 dat profile pic...
it's horrifying...
*small clap*
For a crossover this is starting somewhat good. Now note if i drop off dont be offended, i hate crossovers (NOT ENOUGH TO DOWNVOTE IT) *cough* hopefully you 'entice' me enough XD
ROYAL CANERLOT VOICE FOR THE WIN!!!!!
2651806 this story is on fanfiction.net too if im correct :p i stopped reading cause i lost the link....
I LOVE HALO CROSSOVERS!!!!! THANK YOU! Master Chief came to kill covenant and scare ponies... and he's all out of covenant!
I can't rightly remember when I didn't get a kick out of chief spooking small defenceless ponies
That is actually not sarcasm I swear
It's really damn funny
Wait what ?
I don't remember reading this!
Hot damn I read too much halo crossover
4899625 I read Dead Space, Halo, and Deadpool crossovers, a lot
OH! Im sorry magic that can repair anything cant fix a telescope! Duuuh
8809590
Oh trust me, I cringe every time I read that bit.