Gangstashy
"I've had enough" I said to myself looking in the mirror.
"I'm tired of being pushed around!" I said again punching the air to the left of me.
"You can be assertive!" I shouted at myself while pointing a hoof at the mirror.
I started at the mare in the mirror and I decided to change her ways. I’m gonna’ make a change, for one in my life. I feel real good, this difference, it’s going to be made right!
After about a minute of staring at myself, I walked around in circles telling myself that I could do it, I shouted into the emptiness of my cottage "I CAN DO THIS!"
I had a determined look on my face that almost made it look as if I was angry. I pushed the door open, walked outside and started to head towards town.
My cottage is quite a fair bit away from town so I had to walk for what seemed like forever. I didn't mind though, I was determined to get to the one place my mind was set on - The library.
My determined scowl had been wiped away soon after leaving the house; I don't like ponies getting the wrong idea about my emotions. So my happy face was put on, so I started to walk.
I soon approached the library. Striding up to the scarlet door, I knocked three times.
I jumped back when I saw what answered it.
"Oh, umm... Hello Twilight..." The lavender mare was looking a little out of sorts. Her mane was frizzled, her eyes wide and bloodshot. Her frazzled tail was hanging decrepit between her soot-streaked legs. She smelt of smoke and magical residue.
"Oh hello Fluttershy!" she said in a voice that was a mix with excitement and anxiety.
Her eye twitched.
"Oh, I see you're busy, I’ll come bac-" I started to say before getting interrupted by Study-Twilight.
"Nononono, come in. I've been awake for exactly 4 days 3 hours 32 minutes and 5, no, 6 seconds! One minute won't hurt!" She said shoving me inside rather forcefully.
The floor of the library was littered with books, scrolls, parchments and worn-out quills the walls were full of old and new tomes, as well as a rather large collection of magical scorch marks, some of them were still smouldering slightly. I suddenly felt a large pang of empathy for spike who would no doubt have to clean this mess up.
"Wh..wha...what have you been doing Twilight?" I said in a nervous voice.
"Oh! I found a new mind-reading spell, it doesn't really work too well so I have tried to fix it! It's not going too well though. But I've been wrong before! You see the magical fluctuations of the standard equine can instigate unintentional confusion with the internal fundamentals of the Xenopsis Waver that causes the cerebral examination technique of the spell to go awry and destabilise the entire Equine’s nervous systems. Unfortunately this spell is similar to the cerebral destabilisation and destruction combat spell invented by Starswiril the Bearded in 3045CR.” *twitch* She said while picking up and reading through the pages scattering the floor.
"Oh, I see...anyway, I was wondering if yo-" I began again before being interrupted by Twilight's glowing purple horn.
"- I had a book on...pirates??" She said taking a stab in the dark.
"umm...no..." I said.
Twilight's head sank while she let out a scream “It’s not perfect?! What if the princess stops wanting me to be her student because I couldn’t master a simple mind reading spell? What if she is so mad at me she sends me back to *shudder* Magic kindergarten.” She curled up into a ball and stroked her frizzy tail mumbling incoherently under her breath.
I tried to comfort her with "Oh umm… if you are going to have a mental breakdown I’ll just come back later… I was just looking for a book on assertiveness …if it’s fine with you that is…” I said slowly.
"Here it is!” twilight said pulling a book out of the myriad of shelves seemingly at random throwing it at me. “Now get out before Celestia banishes me to the moon! Or worse … no Celestia, I don’t want to go there … not the banana! ... Please! … … NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ”
The force from the book impacting me saddlebags sent me careening out of the door. I flew through the air and landed in a bush on the other side of the road with a loud ‘thump’.
I got to my feet and walked back to my cottage thinking about Twilight and how stressed she looked. It seemed that the whole 'mind-reading' had really got to her.
I approached my cottage and went inside. I sat on my green long couch and pulled out the book from my bag.
I set it on the couch and read the cover "The Hug Life" I said out loud. I started at the picture of some large gold necklaces on the front for a bit before opening the book.
I opened to the first page and started to read off the page “The Hug Life: Lesson one - fitting in with the homies …-Oh, sounds good” I said with a smile.
I continued to read.
"Now you may have noticed that you're not fitting in to this new group you have found. You may be scared, timid or shy." As I read on my smile grew larger and large as I knew this book would be perfect.
As the afternoon became the night I closed the book and let out a sigh "Ah, finished. I sure have learnt a few tips!" I said while walking up the stairs to my bedroom.
I turned out the lights and drifted off to sleep.
~~~
I woke up the next day feeling tired. I walked around my house in a daze for the morning while doing my regular routines. Brushing my mane, feeding my animals and cleaning up.
I recited the three points I learned last night in the book; Speak your mind, go with the flow and most importantly - be confident.
I put on my glasses and 'Bling' and ‘Shiz’ headed out to see Twilight. I also brought the book in my saddlebag to return to her.
I bobbed to some imaginary beats while walking down the road to town. It was harder to see than usual because of these dark ’shades’, but it was what the book said to wear, so I went with the ‘flow’ - It looks like I’m doing well so far!
It was a nice day today, the sun was out and everypony in town was out at the stalls. Since it was such a nice day there was quite a large crowd outside.
I started to walk into the crowd. I was bumping everypony and I felt like I was going to get squashed. I was just about to turn around when I remember step three.
Be confidant.
I stood up straight and yelled at the top of my voice "Wazzup mah homie gees! Make way ‘fo the gangsta mama … if it’s ok with you that is…".
There was a deadly silence. Nopony spoke. Nopony moved. It was as if time had stopped itself. All eyes were on me.
I stuck my head up and started to walk through the path that was cut in the crowd. As I walked everypony was staring at me, speechless.
As soon as I got out of the crowd I shivered with excitement and softly said "It actually works!".
Starting up my beat again, I walked away from the staring crowd.
I remembered that I needed some celery stalks for a salad that I was making this afternoon, so I diverted my course and walked towards the centre of Ponyville.
I sighted the stall and waited in the line of 2 ponies. I looked around to the clock tower to see what time it was and when I looked back there were 3 ponies in front of me now.
I tapped the shoulder of the pony in front of me and said awkwardly "Hay homie! I wuz standin there…dawg" I still hadn't grasped the whole 'slang' language but I thought that I was doing fairly well.
"Ah...what?" The beige pony in front of me said giving her red mane a flick.
"Ah said I wuz standin’ there gee!" I said while looking over my black glasses.
"Oh, whatever..." She said looking back in front of her.
I remembered step two - speak your mind "Dawg I said move it! Git! Move your fat flank ! Imma count to tree y’all, then I go punk on you with mah homies!" It didn't feel right to swear but it seemed to work when I counted to three. She moved behind me and I got in my rightful place in line.
I purchased the celery stalks and put them in my saddle bag.
I walked over to Twilights house and knocked on the door. I stood on my hind legs and folded my front two hooves like the book said in the 'swag section' I didn't know what that meant, but the book said it so I did it.
Twilight opened the door and gave a short scream "ah! Fl...Fluttershy?"
"Yo wuzzup mah main fill-e!" I responded
"Wha...What happened to you?" She said quizzically.
I came down from my 'swag stance' and replied "I got gangsta, punk! Now wuzzup? I havin’t seen you since the shin dig, Dawg!”
"Uh...Fluttershy?...How?" She said slowly.
"That little book y’all gave me homie! It taught me how to get the hug life! Dawg imma so fly now G!” said excitingly as I bobbed into her house.
"The book?" She said raising an eyebrow at me.
"word" I said plainly
"What word?"
"What?" I questioned.
"You said word?" she said going over the conversation in her mind.
"Yo"
"WHAT WORD?!" Twilight shouted.
“G, you need to chill out…word means like…uh…I heard dat!”
"Heard what?" Twilight said looking around.
I put my hoof to my face and said quietly "Never mind homie, here’s the ‘Shin-dig’" I handed her the dark blue book.
She looked at it for quite a while before letting out a small laugh "hehe...I guess I gave you the wrong book" She said levitating the book to the book shelf and putting it away.
"Yo..." I said piecing the incident together "So, homie G. You’s a sayin’ that you gave me the wrong book dawg" I said taking off my ‘Bling’ and ‘Shiz’.
"Yeah...I guess I did" Twilight said laughing "I think you should resort back to your old ways Fluttershy" She said putting a hoof on my shoulder.
"But...But it worked so well!" I said whining returning to my normal manner.
"It may have, but this isn't you Fluttershy..." She said ushering me towards the door.
“Put it here yo!” Twilight said when I was leaving.
“umm… ok?” I said giving her a slight hoof-bump.
"See you later Fluttershy!" Twilight said waving a hoof as I walked away from the door.
"See you Twilight!" I said happily walking away towards my cottage.
Epilogue:
“What do you mean Angel? I got all of the things you want” I said timidly to my favourite helper Angel-Bunny. He tapped his foot impatiently against the floor and pointed angrily to a recipie and picture in a book.
“Le salad ah magnifique? I don’t think Ponyville even has anything on here” I explained. All he did was impatiently pound his foot and point more. “I really don’t think any of this stuff is healthy for a little bunny…”
The rabbit just stomped his foot in a very threatening manner that caused me to jump back in surprise. Something snapped inside me.
“Dawg! “I shouted at the poor rabbit “What is wrong with you homie? I’m a here trying to get you some ‘bling blang’ and you are all like ‘shing shang’ you feel me homie… if it’s ok with you that is…”
Anglel looked at me, the gears clicking in his small head trying to find an explanation to what happened. After a few minutes he didn’t come up with any explanation he took the path of least resistance.
He fainted.
The end.
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FIRST!
Lol. All I have to say to describe this story.
Some ideas from Jeff Dunham.... *clicks read later*
Bronydragon
Slightly inspired by Jeff Dunham? Sweet Daddy Dee? You know that dummy is retired?
1505959 Yeah
still, glad to see that you got the reference 
I chuckled a bit. Not bad for an odd one-shot.
Made me smile, thanks for the short.
I haven't read it yet, but I'm still liking and favoriting
Thanks for using Jeff Dunham, my dad might like this story. I ask that you make more with Jeff Dunham ideas as inspiration, you could convert my dad into a brony! How would we fit Bubba J and Walter in?
Sorry, I'm just so mean sometimes.
Hoity Toity=Walter, I guess. Who could match Bubba? Nopony I know matches that redneck. Oh, I know, Applejack!
Oh God, this is just amazing.
I know I shouldn't but I like this so much.
1506158 Heh, thanks
1506181 You also gained yourself a stalk- er, follower.
6/5 moustaches
best thing i have read. EVER. FOREEEEEEVVVEEERRR.
Haha, this was hilarious. Well done
.
"Not the banana! please! NOOOO!"
@_0
Well done! It was so hilarious to read in Fluttershy's voice!
Well......that happened.
DAFUQ did i just read? but for comedy, 2 mustaches and a pinkie
Hey if it works it works
1507085
that was my own little addition,
i'm glad you liked it!
1509175 Yes, thank you Hellspoodles
I was in tears after this story and I dare say I loved every minute of it!
DA HELL? WUT DIS SHIZ BE HOMEDOG? YOU THINK MAKING FUN OF GANSTAS IS COOL? I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE AND ME AND MY CREW GONNA GO TO TOWN ON YO HOUSE! WORD YO!
What the?......I don't even.......What?
Reminded me of the episode with Iron Will.
Good one.
Bronydragon
1513144
masterbrony13
freakoutnation.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Orly1.jpg?5f37dd
hellspoodles: HELL YES RLY!
1521512
masterbrony13
401ak47.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/tank-for-zombies-zombie-apocalypse-tank.jpg
come at me bro!
OH YOU'LL BE COME AT! IMMA RIP YOUR THROAT OUT AND MAKE YOU EAT IT!
SHE'S ON MY SIDE NOW FOOL!
1527840
masterbrony13
AND SHE'S ON MINE!
Give Up?
Never. For you see, I am not Masterbrony13, nor am I even human. I AM CTHULU, GOD OF CHAOS, LORD OF THE CITY R'LEIGH! BOW TO ME, PUNY MORTAL, AND GAZE UPON MY GLORY!!!!
1545229
i242.photobucket.com/albums/ff287/allymemories/unamused.gif
1545474
Author,
please would you be as kind as to ignore our repertoire,
Hellspoodles
1545229
YO DAWG, SIZ IS GONNA GO DOWN! YO GONNA BE WITH IT IF YOU DON'T GIT! OR ME AND MAH HOMEDAWGS GONNA B**K YOU UP!
For once in my life, I am forced to agree with this pitiful mortal. And yes, I am a brony. I was the creative consultant for the show. It's the only job a chaos god could find on this prejudiced "Earth". *grumble grumble* stupid humans. Anger management? Seriously?
1546889
I know that feel bro...
*sniffle* just tryina make a living...
I'm not that evil...
1555747
Cthulu bro, don't worry! you're a god of chaos, we always pull through somehow
You said "we"...Bro?
1561346 Yes, Hellspoodles is also a god of chaos...
gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/204031_o.gif
1563550
How did you find out?
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120410075208/mlp/images/thumb/1/11/Pinkie_super_shocked_face_S2E24.png/640px-Pinkie_super_shocked_face_S2E24.png
oh wait...
he knows me....
So, if I'm Cthulu, then who exactly are you?
1567167
I am not well known amongst most gods of chaos,
you probably don't know me, I have tried very hard to stay inconspicuous.
I run all of the chaos in the world but make sure every one else get's their fair share of chaos magics.
i really don't have a name except possibly the organiser of chaos itself....
by the way, this jerk keeps using more than his fair share of magic, please terminate him my follower.
Oh, him? He's just got an over inflated ego that needs some taming. He is my cousin's son, after all. However, he does annoy me quite a bit, so maybe I'll just scare him like he did to me when he stole my necronomicon. Hmmm.....I'll have to think on this.....
1568365
Yes... thank you my minion of chaos!
Now, time to plan the 'end' of the world. damn Myans ruining the surprise*grumble * *grumble*
Yeah, I know what you mean. It's the same way with that jerk, H.P Love-something-or-other. I mean, he even gave away the town I was going to make my home base
1569286
You aren't the only one,
I fear that some great power is preventing us from achieving greatness. interesting...
Hmmmm......This seems kind of cliche, but maybe we should just kill all these fools, like so.
1572405
mytinyphone.com/uploads/users/anaverry/173700.jpg
However, obtaining nuclear bombs may be a problem, considering that I am a 90 foot tall chaos beast with wings and mouth tentacle thingies. Oh yeah,
cloaking spell.
1574869
Commense the destruction!
Okay. *cheesy sound effects* BOOOOM PLBTHHHHH ARRRRGHLLLL KLARRM! Oh god I just created Godzilla. Oh well, he'll make a nice rug.